Sniff. Snivel.
"Waaaaa!"
King Piccolo's fists clenched as the infuriating sound of a weakling's crying invaded his ears. This was an outrage… Here was he, the legendary Demon King Piccolo, at an Evil-Doers Anonymous meeting! He couldn't decide what was worse, the fact that he was here at all, or the fact that here was here because of that disgusting lizard creature Frieza! This was humiliating… No, more than humiliating! This couldn't even be put into words!
"So… So I guess I… I just…" The blubbering coward sitting next to King Piccolo sobbed. "I just decided to be bad, and never have anyone in my life… So they can't leave like she did!" And then he started crying hysterically, throwing himself onto King Piccolo's shoulder.
"Get off me!" King Piccolo roared, smacking the crying man to the ground.
"Hey!" Another member of the group glared at him. "What the hell's your problem?" He helped his companion up and sat him back down, putting his arm around him. King Piccolo just glared at the two of them. Pathetic. What were they even doing in hell? This was a home for criminals, not a clubhouse for bleeding hearts!
"Okay Toma, that was very good." The counsellor in charge of the meeting smiled. King Piccolo didn't know her name… He hadn't listened. "Um… Piccolo?" Fuck! She was looking at him. "Maybe next time we should congratulate people for their bravery?"
"Bravery?" King Piccolo looked over at the sobbing man in disgust. "The only brave thing he ever did was touching me – and look where he ended up." The man burst into tears again, and King Piccolo smirked in satisfaction. Weakling.
"Piccolo, it is very brave to admit what got you into hell! That's the point of these sessions – to find the problems within ourselves and fix it. You want to be moved up to heaven, don't you?" The counsellor smiled.
"Of course." King Piccolo smiled back. "After all, if I were in heaven, I would have an endless supply of do-gooders to terrorise."
Most of the people in the group gasped, while a couple sniggered and smirked… King Piccolo made a note of them. They seemed like his kind of people!
"Hey!" One of them whispered over to him. King Piccolo looked at the man; he was a human with long hair and a lot of badly drawn tattoos – they looked like he had drawn them himself. "Totally feel you, Buddy." The human man grinned. "Been your biggest fan since back in the day – keep the world green."
"Uh… Thanks." King Piccolo uttered, sweat dropping. What a douche…
"Anyway… Moving on." The counsellor sighed, and looked at King Piccolo. "You know, I think it would really benefit all of us if we really thought about what it is that makes us evil. None of us are born evil, we simply become that way because of how our lives and been. Piccolo," She looked at King Piccolo with a small smile. "What do you think drove you to doing evil things?"
"I was born evil." King Piccolo answered impatiently.
"Haha! Yes! Say it how it is!" The long-haired douchebag cheered. King Piccolo simply glared at him, and the man shrivelled in his seat.
"Piccolo…" The counsellor sighed. "You may feel like you were born evil, but trust me you weren't. None of us were." "I was." King Piccolo stated. "I am the living embodiment of the evil in someone's heart – Kami's, actually. And you know what, Dear?" He smirked at her. "I love it."
King Piccolo rose from his seat and glared menacingly at the counsellor, causing her to take a step back. "If you know what's good for you, you won't tell anyone what I'm about to do."
"Wh… What are you about to do…?" She stammered, her eyes widening in fright. King Piccolo smirked as he looked down at her, his eyes twinkling darkly, relishing her fear as his lips parted and he uttered,
"Leave." King Piccolo turned his back to the room and headed for the door, sniggering slightly at the sound of some of the group members cheering behind him.
XXXXX
"Look at him… That little punk!" King Piccolo thought to himself angrily as he stared into a spy-screen. Goku was on the screen today, living the life of luxury with his wife and children, without a care in the world… Bastard! King Piccolo gritted his teeth as he watched the overgrown runt. If only he were alive… He would show that Goku what real suffering felt like. His wife, his children, his friends… They would all perish at the hands of King Piccolo, right before Goku's eyes! Yes… The screams, the fear, the agony… Oh, if King Piccolo was just alive again… How wonderful it would be if –
"Piccolo!" A bossy, high pitched voice interrupted King Piccolo's fantasy.
He looked up in annoyance to see an icejin girl charging towards him.
"You…" King Piccolo seethed. He looked at Frikiza as she landed in front of him with her arms folded, glaring at him. King Piccolo smirked. She seemed annoyed. "I wonder why?"
"Yes. Me!" Frikiza barked. "Tira told me you walked out of the meeting!"
"Tira?" King Piccolo uttered. "Is that her name? No wonder I didn't remember it." He turned back to his spy-screen. "It's so dull."
She was angry. King Piccolo could feel it. Good. That was what she got for trying to turn him into a good guy! Stupid girl. What was wrong with her? Not even this moron Goku would be foolish enough to try to turn King Piccolo into a –
Boom. King Piccolo's eyes widened as a ball of energy suddenly appeared in front of his spy-screen and blew it to pieces.
"No!" King Piccolo roared so loudly it made the mountains around him tremble. He turned and glared at Frikiza, his ki flaring. "You stupid girl! What did you do!"
"You're supposed to attend the meetings." Frikiza stated. "It was our agreement."
"To hell with our agreement!" King Piccolo screamed. "That was an hour spy-screen!"
"I don't care." Frikiza hissed. "All you had to do was sit in that meeting for thirty minutes – you didn't even have to contribute! And instead you attack another group member, you insult the group leader, and then you walk out!"
"Yes, I did." King Piccolo sneered. "Are you starting to regret taking me on, 'Frieza'?"
"… No, Actually." Frikiza answered stubbornly. "I wasn't expecting you to be easy…" She glared at him. "But if you're going to act like a child then I'm going to treat you like one! I want you to write an essay!"
"An essay?" King Piccolo snorted.
"Yes! About what it means to be good!" Frikiza said. "You're going to write it by this time tomorrow."
"Oh I am, am I?" King Piccolo snarled. "And what exactly are you going to do if I don't?"
"I'm glad you asked." Frikiza smirked. "If you don't I am going to destroy every spy-screen you ever obtain!"
"You… You wouldn't!" King Piccolo gasped.
"Are you prepared to take the risk?" Frikiza challenged, narrowing her eyes at him.
"… Grrrr!"
In a blind rage King Piccolo threw himself at Frikiza, throwing his clenched fists out to punch the life out of her very being. She dodged him with ease, which only served to enrage King Piccolo more. He went into a frenzy, swiping and kicking and cursing at her at the top of his lungs until he finally worked himself into an exhausted wreck, panting heavily as he towered over Frikiza. Dammit… Why was he so exhausted? He was dead! Why did he even have energy to lose? "You…" King Piccolo seethed, glaring down at Frikiza. "I will not do that." He snarled. "I won't be humiliated – or controlled – by the likes of you!"
"Mm-hm." Frikiza nodded, seemingly unfazed by his aggression. She looked up at him and smiled. "Well then. I guess you won't be seeing much of Goku, or Junior. I won't even break your screens – I'll just get Frieza to stop giving them to you."
"Why you…" King Piccolo snarled, his entire body shaking with rage. "You insolent little…" He suddenly stopped as an idea came into his head. Yes… Haha! Yes! Perfect! What a genius he was…
King Piccolo looked down at Frikiza, and let out a sigh, calming himself. "Just one essay?" He questioned.
"One essay." Frikiza nodded. "Three hundred words, about what it means to be good."
"And you won't destroy my spy-screens?" King Piccolo replied. "Never again, under any circumstances?"
"I promise." Frikiza agreed.
"… Fine." King Piccolo spat, turning away. "Well then… Go away. Come back tomorrow."
"You promise it'll be ready?" Frikiza said sternly.
"You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" King Piccolo taunted. He could feel Frikiza's anger again; he could feel her glaring into his back. My, she did have a temper… How amusing. King Piccolo smirked in satisfaction, and listened to the sound of her flying away. He waited until she was out of earshot, and then called out to his mutant sons. "Boys! I have a job for you!"
XXXXX
It was the next day and King Piccolo was sat in his throne, which the weaker inhabitants of hell had been kind enough to build for him, with his minion sons gathered around him, watching as Frikiza read the essay that Piano, Tambourine, Cymbal and Drum had been good enough to write for their master. King Piccolo wore a sinister smirk on his lips as he watched Frikiza. Foolish girl… Did she really think she could outsmart him? How naïve.
"Are you sure my children can't get you anything, Frikiza?" King Piccolo offered. "Piano is excellent at making tea."
"Oh, well…" Piano uttered, blushing slightly. "I aim to please, Your Majesty…"
"No. It's okay." Frikiza replied, her eyes fixed on the essay. "I'm sure you'd ask him to poison it."
"You read my mind." King Piccolo purred, rising to her snipey remark.
After a few moments more Frikiza lifted her eyes from the essay and looked across the nameks.
"It's good." She smiled. "Very articulate."
"Thank you." King Piccolo replied.
"You should be proud of yourselves, Boys." Frikiza growled, and glared at the four mutant nameks that surrounded King Piccolo. The mutants gasped and stiffened.
"What do we do now, Sire…?" Tambourine whispered.
"Shut up." King Piccolo angrily muttered back. He glared at Frikiza. "What do you mean?"
"You think I don't know their handwriting?" Frikiza snapped, holding up the essay. "Unlike you, these boys have actually been attending their meetings!"
"You idiots!" King Piccolo roared at his minions. "Why didn't you change your handwriting!"
"Aii!" The mutants all yelped in fear.
"S-Sorry, King Piccolo!" Cymbal cried.
"It – it never occurred to us…" Piano sobbed. "Forgive us, we're so foolish."
"Yes you are!" King Piccolo bellowed. "I should vaporise all of you right this second –"
"You'll do no such thing!" Frikiza barked, stubbornly approaching him. She stared up at King Piccolo angrily. "Why are you so horrible to them! They're your children, not your slaves! You should treat them with more respect!"
"That's what we've been saying…" Drum whispered to his mutant brothers, and they all quivered in fear.
"Drum!" Tambourine hissed. "Ssh!"
"Huh?" Drum looked up to see King Piccolo staring down at him with a cold, hard stare. "… Oh." Drum sank into himself and lowered his eyes. "S-Sorry, King Piccolo… I – I just meant –"
"Yes?" King Piccolo snarled.
"Piccolo!" Frikiza yelled.
She held the essay up in front of him and tore it in two, which caused the mutants to sigh in disappointment.
"Hey, we worked really hard on that!" Tambourine protested.
"Sorry." Frikiza replied, and looked at him. "But you have to know that it was wrong to do his homework for him? Even if it was a beautiful essay."
"… Yeah…" Tambourine mumbled, lowering his eyes. "Sorry, Frikiza…"
"Hey!" King Piccolo barked, smacking Tambourine across the head. "Whose side are you on!"
"Eep! Yours, of course!" Tambourine shrieked.
"Fool." Piano scolded, shooting Tambourine a dirty look.
Frikiza slammed her tail into the ground in annoyance, making a dent in the earth. She narrowed her eyes at King Piccolo.
"So. I guess you'll be losing your spy-screens then?" She uttered.
"Fine." King Piccolo shrugged. "I told you before – you can't control me. If that's the worst you can do, Little Girl, then do it."
"Haha!" The mutants all cheered.
"Yeah! You tell her, King Piccolo!" Cymbal grinned.
"Silence!" King Piccolo roared, causing Cymbal to flinch.
Frikiza remained silent for a moment, studying the group. How was she going to do this…? He wouldn't listen to her! Especially not in front of his children; he wanted to look like their big scary leader, after all… How pathetic. Threatening him obviously wasn't the answer, so maybe…
"Okay then." Frikiza said. "How about we make a deal?"
"Not interested." King Piccolo grunted.
"Not even in a hundred bars of chocolate?" Frikiza questioned.
The mutants all gasped.
"A – A hundred!" Drum cried.
"Wow! King Piccolo – that's loads!" Cymbal exclaimed. He looked up at his master. "Imagine what we could do with –" A cold look from King Piccolo stopped Cymbal dead in his tracks. "… It's… up to you, of course… King Piccolo."
King Piccolo looked at Frikiza.
"Tch." He grunted. "Does this essay really mean that much to you? A mere piece of child's homework?"
"No way! I'm not giving you a hundred bars of chocolate just for that!" Frikiza pouted. "I want the essay, and I want you to attend the next Evil-Doers Anonymous meeting – and stay for the whole thing – and I want you to contribute."
"What!" King Piccolo growled. "Forget it! All that for a hundred bars? No." He folded his arms stubbornly and looked away. "… … Two hundred."
"One fifty." Frikiza countered. "But really, that's the most I can offer you – they won't let me take any more."
"… I don't want white chocolate." King Piccolo stated. "If it's white, we don't have a deal."
"So… we do now?" Frikiza asked hopefully.
"Bring it in the next hour, and I'll consider it." King Piccolo shrugged.
"An hour?" Frikiza gasped. "That isn't much time!"
"Well then." King Piccolo smirked down at her. "You'd better hurry up and make a start, hadn't you?"
"… Fine." Frikiza sighed. She turned to fly away. "I'll be back in an hour – oh! And boys?" Frikiza looked across the mutant nameks, and smiled. "That essay was really good… You should be proud of yourselves."
"Ah, it was nothing…" Cymbal uttered, blushing bashfully.
"Yeah… Piano wrote most of it…" Tambourine said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"Well I… I just wrote what they said…" Piano uttered with a sheepish smile.
"And I… I just helped with the grammar…" Drum mumbled humbly. King Piccolo gritted his teeth as he watched the mutants blushing like a group of schoolboys.
"Idiots!" He thought to himself, and started tapping his claws against the arm of his chair in annoyance. The mutants noticed, and flinched.
"Bye, Frikiza." Piano mumbled.
"Bye!" Frikiza smiled, and flew away.
King Piccolo looked down at the mutants angrily.
"So." He snarled. "She's your new friend, is she?"
"N-No King Piccolo…" The mutants all replied in shame.
XXXXX
"Seventy-three… seventy-four… seventy-five… Where's the rest?"
"Right here. You'll get them after you attend the meeting."
"What?"
"Come on. You don't think I'm foolish enough to trust you, do you?"
Well… She had a point. King Piccolo had originally planned to take the chocolate and run, until Frikiza had realised that he was the sort of person to do just that. He had to hand it to her… for someone who was naïve and stupid enough to think that he could actually turn good, she was great at not trusting people. So now, here he was. Begrudgingly. At this stupid meeting. King Piccolo had been silent throughout the whole thing, but Frikiza was sitting next to him and he could feel her eyes on him. She'd been staring at him the whole time, urging him to contribute.
"There are only ten minutes left…" Frikiza whispered.
"Mm." King Piccolo grunted.
"If you don't say something, you can forget about that chocolate." Frikiza replied, causing him to stiffen in anger. The wretched little…
"So!" Tira smiled. "Does anybody else want to share?"
King Piccolo gritted his teeth when he felt a sharp nudge dive deep into his back. He looked over his shoulder to see Frikiza's tail behind him, and he glared at her angrily.
"Do that again and I will rip it off!" King Piccolo hissed.
"The deal." Frikiza whispered back sternly.
"You…" King Piccolo seethed. How dare she. What gave her the right to treat him like this? He hated her. He hated every inch of her, almost as much as he hated Goku! He couldn't decide what was worse; being killed by a child, or being controlled by this alien lizard girl freak! King Piccolo's eyes travelled down her frame, weighing up the many ways in which he could kill her, until he reached her feet… and he saw the bag of chocolate on the floor next to them. Dammit… Fine.
King Piccolo folded his arms stubbornly. Well… Alright. He would contribute – but when he was done he would be sure to tell Frikiza just how much he didn't mean a single word of it! King Piccolo cleared his throat and parted his lips. "I do." He uttered.
"Oh! Piccolo, great!" Tira beamed. "Go on. What would you like to say?"
"… I was murdered by a kid." King Piccolo growled. "And now his son is friends with mine."
"Wow… That must be tough." Tira said sympathetically, and was followed by a low murmur as the other members of the group nodded their heads in agreement. "So… How does that make you feel?"
"Very upset!" King Piccolo cried in an overly dramatic voice. "It makes me want to do bad things, even though I enjoyed doing bad things before my son was even born!"
"Seriously?" Frikiza whispered to him angrily. King Piccolo winked at her mockingly.
"So, what you're saying is… This boy's relationship with your son, only fuels an anger you already had within you?" Tira uttered.
"Yes." King Piccolo nodded. "It does just that – but I wasn't angry until very recently. I suppose it all started when I died."
"But… You did bad things before you died…" Tira said, blinking in confusion.
"Yes. I was very angry when I was alive." King Piccolo nodded.
"Um… I'm sorry, I don't think I understand you." Tira sweat dropped.
"Stop." Frikiza hissed, glaring at King Piccolo.
"Are you sure?" King Piccolo whispered back.
"Yes! Just stop mocking her!" Frikiza snarled. King Piccolo smirked.
"You're the boss." He replied, and looked at Tira. "I'm sorry… this is difficult for me. Do you mind if we stop?"
"Of course." Tira smiled, nodding. "Piccolo, saying as much as you did was extremely brave – wasn't it everybody?" And she was followed by cheers… Pathetic.
After the meeting was over an infuriated Frikiza stormed out of the meeting room with King Piccolo practically skipping behind her.
"You didn't have to mock her! She's trying to help!" Frikiza yelled.
"I don't want her help." King Piccolo replied, stepping in front of her. He held out his hand. "The chocolate."
"… Fine." Frikiza huffed. "I suppose technically you did everything you were supposed to… Even though you didn't do it properly!" She narrowed her eyes at him and reluctantly held up the bag that was in her hand.
"Thank you!" King Piccolo beamed, and snatched the bag from her hand, then looked at her. She was smiling at him strangely… Why was she doing that? "What's the matter with you?" He demanded.
"Nothing." Frikiza smirked. "It's just… Your essay."
"It was bullshit." King Piccolo stated flatly.
"I know." Frikiza replied. "But… It's hard to write stuff like that, especially if you don't mean it. … Thank you for doing that, and for contributing."
"What?" King Piccolo frowned. "You just yelled at me for mocking her."
"Well, it wasn't nice!" Frikiza scolded. "But… I wasn't sure if you would even say anything at all. So thank you."
"You left me no choice." King Piccolo snarled.
"You always have a choice." Frikiza replied.
King Piccolo flinched. What was with her? What she mad at him or not? Why was she looking at him like that? It was sort of… patronising. Was she trying to make a fool of him? Did she pity him?
"I don't need your sympathy!" King Piccolo spat. "I know I have a choice! Listen to me – I do whatever I want, do you understand? And nobody – not you, nor anybody else – can make me do anything!"
"Fine! Sorry!" Frikiza protested. "I just – wanted to say thanks, and…" She folded her arms, looking at him curiously. "You know… you essay… It really was well- written. I mean, in terms of grammar and vocabulary… I had no idea you could be so articulate."
"What did you think I was, some kind of dim-witted meathead?" King Piccolo snorted.
"Well… yeah." Frikiza grinned.
King Piccolo let out a loud roar and swiped at her, trying his best to rip her to pieces.
"You rude little girl! Show some goddamn respect!" He screamed. "I'm the evil side of Kami, of course I'm articulate! Why the hell do you think they call me the king of demons! I'm not some low-level idiot, I am demon royalty!"
"Don't you just call yourself that?" Frikiza questioned. "I mean, isn't Dabura the king of the demon realm –"
"I am the demon king of Earth!" King Piccolo screamed so loudly his voice echoed right across the depths of hell, causing its inhabitants to look up in wonder. "I'm king of my clan – haven't you heard of the thousands of demons that plagued the Earth when I was in my prime? I am their king!"
"Okay, fine." Frikiza shrugged. "Well, whatever. Enjoy your chocolate."
"I will!" King Piccolo barked. "And I want another fifty bars just for insulting me!"
"Oh come on." Frikiza sighed. "It'll take you weeks to get through the hundred and fifty I already gave you – nameks aren't even supposed to eat, are they?"
"Fool! It's not for me." King Piccolo snorted. "I wouldn't eat this shit if you paid me."
"Huh…?" Frikiza blinked in confusion and watched as King Piccolo took off towards Frieza's cave.
She could hardly believe her eyes as she watched King Piccolo. He went into Frieza's cave with the remaining seventy-five bars of chocolate she had just give him… and he emerged with a huge stack of spy-screens, then out of nowhere his mutant minions appeared to carry them home for him. Really…? So that was why he wanted chocolate? To trade it? Well, if she'd known that…
"Hey!" Frikiza called, and flew over to King Piccolo. "I didn't know you traded that chocolate! I thought you ate it yourself."
"Tch. No." King Piccolo grunted, his face twisting. "I've never even tasted it – it looks vile!"
"Well…" Frikiza mumbled. "The whole point of me giving it to you was so that you could have something you'd actually enjoy…" She looked at him. "So – what do you want? Something that you aren't just going to trade away?"
"Nothing." King Piccolo replied stubbornly. "There is nothing you can give me that I could possibly want."
"Well… what food do you like?" Frikiza questioned.
"I'm not interested in food or drink." King Piccolo said.
"Well how about a normal TV? You know, the boys might like it –"
"No. They don't need any distractions." King Piccolo growled. He narrowed his eyes at her. "Listen. Frikiza. I don't want food, or drink, or TV, or anything else for that matter. The only thing I want is to be able to go to Earth and kill Son Goku, so unless you can give me life, then you have nothing to offer me!"
"Well… It can be arranged." Frikiza shrugged.
"What?"
King Piccolo stared at her in disbelief. Had he just heard her right? Could she… Could she grant him life?
"Well I'm only supposed to do it for people that have done well in their sessions…" Frikiza began. "And it can only be for a day… But yeah. When I started working here, they said I can choose people to be brought back to life. So, if you really want –"
"Yes!" King Piccolo exclaimed.
Frikiza gasped as he suddenly grabbed hold of her, digging his claws into her arms as he lifted her up to his eye level. "You can revive me!"
"It – it's just for a day…" Frikiza sweat dropped. "And it's only supposed to be if you've been good –"
"I have been good!" King Piccolo yelled. "I wrote your essay didn't I? And I contributed in that meeting!"
"You made up the essay and you lied in the meeting!" Frikiza argued.
"But you said yourself you appreciate the effort I put in! And my essay was so well-written, after all." King Piccolo replied. Frikiza giggled.
"Well… Yeah, that's true. Okay." She smiled at him. "I'll see what I can do."
"Yes!" King Piccolo exclaimed excitedly. Oh this was… This was… unreal! Finally, after all this time he would be granted life! Finally, after all these years of rotting down here in hell while that runt Goku carried on with his life, while that traitor Junior became a friend of the one that had murdered him, King Piccolo would have his revenge! One day of life…? That would be plenty! All he had to do in that day was find the dragonballs, then he could wish himself back to life for good and his one day of life would suddenly become an eternity! He would be eternally young, and on top of that the dragon granted more than one wish now, didn't it? Thanks to that little namekian boy. King Piccolo could wish to be the most powerful being in the universe! And then… Then he would finally be able to kill Goku! He would kill Goku, and his family, and his friends, and he would reclaim his place as the king of Earth and rule the world – no, the universe – and there wouldn't be a soul alive that could stop him! Yes… Yes, it was beautiful! It was what he deserved! Finally, after all these years… Yes!
"Um… Piccolo?" Frikiza's voice broke the demon king from his fantasy.
"Hm?" King Piccolo uttered, looking at her. Frikiza was blushing slightly as she looked at him.
"Your… Your claws are hurting…" She mumbled.
King Piccolo paused, realising that he was still holding her in front of him. His cheeks flushed violent for a brief second and he suddenly let go, allowing Frikiza to fall to the floor.
"So. Are you going to do it?" King Piccolo demanded, looking down at her.
"Well… You didn't have to drop me." Frikiza growled. She rubbed her arms where his claws had been digging in, her cheeks still slightly dark as she thought to herself, "He has a strong grip…" She stared up and King Piccolo and smiled. "Sure." Frikiza nodded. "I'll go ask. I'll let you know what they say." With that, she flew off.
King Piccolo watched her leave, and then a wide grin spread across his face as he shrieked in excitement and darted towards his cave, screaming as he approached his mutant children,
"Boys! I'm going to kill Goku!"