As the gate slid shut, Carl watched from the kitchen picture window as Jesus took off running. He watched his father shift from side to side helplessly, watched him run his hands through his hair and drop his head for a moment, before taking a deep breath to center himself. Watched him tap the handle of his Colt Python rhythmically before walking away.
At that point, he hated him with all of the adolescent fury he could muster.
His father couldn't protect his mother and couldn't protect Michonne. Carl was the one who had to do what needed to be done for his mother. Even Lori had said that "It can't be him!" referring to her husband's inability to remain sane in the wake of having to kill his own wife.
And even after Carl had been the one to do it, Rick was still gone for a time. Lost to the fact of his wife's death and the manner that it had occurred.
Meanwhile, Carl had simply done what had to be done and dealt with it.
Carl adored Michonne. She had been patient and understanding. She never talked down to him. She made corny jokes to cheer him up and she helped keep his gross facial wound clean without so much as a flinch.
He thought about his father's wavering sanity and questionable actions in the past. He thought about his recent fascination with Jessie and how that woman and her terrible kids were interlopers in what he had with his dad and Michonne... How protecting them had lost him his eye and had nearly had gotten them killed. He had done what he could despite his personal feelings on the matter, doing his best to take up for her troublemaker of a son. He remembered his innocence before the walkers. Of playing video games and eating his mother's pancakes. -Of worrying about nothing more then, than his grades or the school bully.
He adjusted to the walkers and the dangerous people out there because he had to. He had hoped that Ron and Sam would adjust, though truthfully he knew they were too weak and too resentful. Thanks to his dad and whatever Ron thought was going on between Enid and himself.
He remembered his discovery of the change in Michonne and his dad's relationship dynamic, how it initially had felt like a punch in the gut. He thought his father might have used Michonne so soon after his questionable lapse with Jessie. When he had thought that, he had been so disappointed in him and Michonne. He had thought that Michonne of all people would be less susceptible to that kind of thing and he hoped he father would never do that her, but then he remember Jessie.
He remembered his father knocking him down when he went crazy on Pete in the streets.
Thankfully, later his dad had talked to him and he saw the way he looked at her, the way he was acting about it and he could see that he was in it for the long-haul. That he was as taken with Michonne as he had been for his mother.
He just knew that he had to do his part now, just as he had to with his mother.
His dad wouldn't be strong enough.
Carl hastily packed some guns, opened a window and left the house.
Rick entered the nursery to find Carol sitting in a rocker, tapping Judith's back gently as she slept. She kissed the child's hair and patted the chair next to her.
He sat down heavily.
"You know these people better than anyone, Carol. Who do think is most likely to be feeding Negan intel about us?"
"I wish I could tell you, but I don't know. You were a cop, haven't you ever interrogated people? Maybe, Deanna's interview tapes could shed some light."
Rick nodded.
"I'll go speak to Maggie about it. Thanks Carol."
"No problem. -Listen, Rick. You have to know that we're here for you. We're strong now, because you helped make it so. You don't have to be the Rock of Gibraltar. You can depend on us take up the slack when you're compromised. And, Sunshine? You are compromised now. Any one of us would be, in your place. I'm sure Glenn was thinking super-clearly when Maggie and I were taken. So, give us the chance to take up the slack. Do what you can to keep yourself thinking clearly enough to do what you have to do. You have got to take care of yourself, even if you don't want to. It's like what they say when a plane is crashing. Put the oxygen mask on first so you can be conscious enough to do the same for your loved ones."
Carol got up and placed Judith in the crib.
"I'm gonna see what I can whip up in the kitchen before everyone gets here."
Quick endnote on my version of Negan (comic-spoilers ahoy!): I got a review and a pm saying that he's OOC because I imply that Negan rapes, when in canon he does not. No, Negan hasn't "raped" anyone in the comic, in his way of thinking of it. He hasn't held a woman down or forced himself on her sexually if she didn't consent. The women choose go to him in the comic. None of the women who "choose" to be among his wives in the interpretation that I have chosen to write, strictly has to be one of his wives. They can go to their former husbands and await whatever fate he chooses for them if they get out of line, in his view. But Michonne is leverage in this story, just as Carl was in the comics. If you're reading my story, hoping for me to reinforce your sympathetic romanticized ideal of Negan, let me disabuse you of that notion, right now. I am not one to soften violent villains. This goes especially for the disturbing fandom trend of doing this for violent red-flaggy white dudes *cough*kyloren. I enjoy actors and their performances but if you are an actual fan who makes excuses for Negan's morality; the terrible things that he says and does, especially near the show's point in comic canon, I side-eye the fuck out of you. I'm not the one to go "giving him credit" because at least the guy doesn't "rape women" and has "a moral code". Negan is a sociopathic red-flaggy fuck-head and a half, who disarms people by using brash disgusting language to control those who would be shocked, amused, swayed, and/or impressed by that. He jokes about his twisted enjoyment of murdering and maiming people... Sure, he eventually goes to more gray moral places later in the comic, but this fiction is not about that. It's not about reinforcing your romanticized view of Negan who already gets so much unnecessary credit among fans, because his cussing is hilarious and "at least he doesn't rape". Despite some horrific content, this fic is really about stanning for the characters who try to be good people, who are desperately trying to retain their humanity in this awful world. This fic is about team family's love for Michonne and Michonne's bravery, right along with the amazing women who deal with and survive him in this fic. It's not here to reinforce the mentality of celebrating the loudest angriest toxic white guy in the room. That happens enough in real life. I'll likely stan for what will surely be Jeffrey-Dean Morgan's firm grasp of and interpretation of this twisted character, but not for the character himself in any unironic way. If that isn't your cuppa, please avoid my fic and read what I'm sure will be plenty of fic to come that grossly pedestals and romanticizes this disgusting, toxic, asshole, when he finally shows up on TWD.