Chapter 5
It was near midnight when Castiel walked back into the hospital. Sam had called him about an hour ago while Castiel was in the shower, and Castiel had immediately called Sam back once he noticed the missed call. Sam explained to Castiel what had happened with Dean, which prompted Castiel into grabbing his clothes to put on as he told Sam that he would be back to the hospital as soon as possible. Sam insisted that it wasn't necessary for Castiel to return to the hospital, but Castiel just silenced his protests. Castiel had stopped to get coffee from a 24 hour diner in town and sipped it as he walked into the family waiting room where Sam said he would be. When he walked into the room, he took in the looks from the people in the room and wished he had thought to bring more coffee.
Castiel had met the older couple earlier in the day as he waited to see Dean, and it was clear that they cared about Sam and Dean as if they were their own children. He listened as Sam updated Castiel about Dean's situation. "Castiel, earlier when I walked out with you and Missouri, I grabbed a bag from the car. It was a bag for Dean. I took it to his room, but he was asleep. I thought that I would just hang out for a bit. Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen came by, too, and we didn't really want to wake Dean since he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. We made plans to meet at a restaurant to eat so they left out a few minutes before I did because they had to run an errand first before meeting up, which gave me time to sit with Dean for a few minutes in case he woke up. He didn't appear as though he was going to wake up, so...um...I decided to go ahead and leave." Sam turned a bright shade of read, which Castiel thought was odd. "When I got back to here, I could hear the commotion going on in the room when I stepped off the elevator. I ran toward the room and saw the nurses trying to get a handle on Dean. He was yelling and screaming, and the room had been trashed. One of the nurses was able to get the sedative in him, and he was out within a minute. As they got him settled in the bed, a few of the nurses cleaned up the room. I'm not sure what caused him to go off like he did, but something had to have happened."
"Maybe he had another nightmare?" Ellen asked as she reached out to rub Sam's back.
Sam grimaced. "I...uh...don't really think that was it."
Castiel felt as though Sam was hiding something. "How can you be sure, Sam?"
A flash of panic crossed Sam's face before he schooled his features into a look of determination. "I just know. When he has nightmares, he tends to...I don't know...he just acts like he is having a nightmare. This wasn't like that."
Bobby spoke up then. "Well, what was it like then?"
Sam rubbed his face. "I really don't want to talk about it."
"If you are hiding something..."
"Uncle Bobby, I'm not hiding anything...it is just...I don't think it is relevant." Castiel watched the exchange in confusion. There was obviously something that Sam was not telling them.
"I think at this point, anything could be relevant. Now what the hell are you not tellin' us?"
Sam groaned and sighed heavily as he threw his head back with his eyes closed. "All I am going to say is that it appeared to be a nice dream. So not a nightmare."
"A nice dream?" Castiel was confused. Until he wasn't. "Oh." Well, that explained Sam's discomfort.
"Well, if this ain't awkward." Bobby summed it right up for Castiel.
"Bobby, you are the one that insisted Sam tell you what he was hiding." Ellen kindly reminded Bobby of how insistent he had been.
Bobby blushed a little as he rolled his eyes and muttered "Yeah, well. I wasn't expecting it to be something like that."
Sam recovered from his reveal, but was still slightly red. "Can we please all agree to never let Dean know that we all know about...this...the uh...dream situation?"
They all agreed.
XXXXX
Missouri showed up not long after. She spent some time talking to them about the situation before she went in search of the nurses that were on duty to see what information she could gain from them. They all dozed off at various times during the next couple hours. Infomercials played on the television and the five year old magazines provided some entertainment but not much since everyone pretty much dozed off while watching the TV or reading. Castiel woke up after dozing off and decided to make a coffee run for everyone. He decided to forgo the cafeteria and headed to the diner next door for their coffee. it was early so he didn't have to wait long for the coffee. With a container box of coffee cups, he headed back to the hospital.
Castiel placed the coffee on the table when he walked back into the family waiting room. Everyone was awake, but barely, and were very appreciative of the coffee. Everyone sat around watching the morning news while sipping their coffee. Castiel thought that it seemed almost normal even though they were in a hospital. Then it hit him that these people in this room with him were likely going to be his family soon. He liked Sam and felt as though the young Dom would go through hell for his brother. Bobby was surely with his matter of fact attitude, but most certainly loved the boys as if they were his own. Based on what Castiel had learned so far, the man had been a great father figure for the Winchester boys, especially Sam during the last five years. Ellen was no doubt a very independent sub, and was no nonsense in her motherly caretaker role. It was sad that Dean felt that he had to leave town instead of staying with these people that obviously care very deeply for each other.
Everyone sat up straight when Missouri came in and took a seat. She didn't waste time getting to the point. "We need to discuss Dean." She continued when she was sure she had everyone's attention. "I have a theory about what is going on with him, but I won't know for sure until he decides to open up about it." Everyone nodded as they waited for her to continue. "Dean has been in serious denial. I am not a mind reader, but I believe that Dean thought that by returning here that he would be able to pick up his old life and pretend that the last five years didn't happen. The problem with that is that it hasn't been that way. He remembers what he was like before he left. He wants to be that person again, but the last five years have built up walls and insecurities that are so strong that he can't get past them. Over the last few weeks, I think he has fought to keep those memories from overwhelming him. Think of it as a weak dam that is constantly bombarded with a flood. Eventually that weak dam is going to break allowing the flood to flow though. Once that flood starts, there really isn't any way to stop it."
"So you are saying that Dean's been trying to ignore the memories and that suddenly the memories have broke free. And now he can't stop them?" Sam rubbed his palm like it was a nervous habit.
"Exactly, Sam." Missouri confirmed.
"So what happens now?" Bobby asked.
"I think that the best course of action now is for Castiel to confirm what we all pretty much know to be true, and he needs to do it as soon as possible."
Castiel was stunned. Even though Sam and he had been discussing it earlier, to hear Missouri suggesting it just surprised him. "How soon?"
"Like when he wakes up." Castiel started to protest. He thought that they should take a few days at least to get to know one another, but Missouri had other ideas. Holding her hand up in a stop motion, she continued. "No, Castiel. It has to be as soon as possible. The bond that happens between soul mates will help him more than anything. If the bond isn't there...then I am not sure if the original plan of having you as his guardian will work as we planned it."
"What the hell does that mean?" Sam's panicked voice echoed the panic in Castiel's mind. Bobby and Ellen were also visibly upset with what Missouri was saying.
"It means that if there isn't a bond between Castiel and Dean, then Dean will need to be institutionalized for a time before Castiel can take over guardianship." That statement made everyone start talking at once...
"Balls! There has to be another way..."
"You can not be serious?"
"Oh no! You can't put Dean in the institution..."
"The bond will be there..." Everyone turned toward Castiel. He repeated himself as he looked at everyone. "The bond will be there." He was sure of it.
XXXXX
Dean was aware of voices talking, but he really didn't care to hear what they were saying. He had a hard time getting through the darkness that was around him, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to panic over the darkness. His nose itched, but for some reason his arm wasn't cooperating to bring his hand up to scratch the itch. He had a brief moment of surprise when he realized that his wrists were being held down by something. That caused him to open his eyes in shock, not that he could focus very well. Why did he feel so groggy? It was like he was drugged again and he didn't like it. He could hear a beeping noise that seemed to get faster and realized that was his heart rate once he remembered that he was in the hospital. Sam came over and grabbed his hand. He was talking but Dean couldn't focus on the words. Was that Uncle Bobby? Aunt Ellen? Why in the hell couldn't he focus? He wanted to talk to them, but couldn't make his mouth form the words. Moments later sleep overtook him again.
XXXXX
There was that beeping noise again. Dean couldn't hear voices this time. Seconds later he was out again.
XXXXX
Dean felt awareness slowly coming upon him like he was surfacing from a swim deep under the docks at a lake he remembered visiting when he was younger. The water had been so dark in that lake. Kind of like how dark it was right now. He tried opening his eyes but he was having a difficult time. He thought his right eye opened a little while his left eye seemed to be glued shut.
"Dean?" That was his brother's voice. He tried responding, but couldn't get his mouth to make any sound. "Dean, it is ok. Don't worry about speaking right now. We are all here. We will be here when you wake up, ok? If you need to, then go back to sleep. I am going to be right here." Dean shook his head even as his mind decided to shut down in sleep once again.
XXXXX
He smelled hamburgers. When was the last time he ate? He couldn't remember, but he really hoped that whoever had a hamburger had brought one for him as well. He found that he really couldn't open his eyes that time either so he gave up and went back to sleep again.
XXXXX
Dean's eyes opened up as he realized he was able to hear the quiet thrum of conversation in the room. He wasn't able to make out what they were saying since they were speaking in hushed tones, but the noise of their voices drew his eyes to the side of the room where Sam, Uncle Bobby, Aunt Ellen, Missouri, and Castiel all sat. Castiel noticed that he was looking at them first. "Hello, Dean." That caused the others to turn quickly in Dean's direction. He was glad that the fog of sleep that had plagued him the other times he remembered trying to wake up had lifted. He still felt somewhat medicated and like he could easily return to sleep, but he felt like he could actually fight the sleep successfully now. He wasn't able to raise his arms and that alarmed him. Missouri was standing by him and he focused on her as she explained that he was restrained after his breakdown to ensure he wouldn't attempt to harm himself or others. Dean was confused. He wasn't sure what she was talking about and them suddenly everything came rushing back to him. The dream, the memories, the room being destroyed, Sam's face as they restrained him, and he felt guilt rush through him suddenly.
Missouri kept talking. "Now that you are awake, I am going to take the restraints off but first I want you to agree to take some medicine that will help your anxiety. Will you do that, Dean?" When Dean nodded, she placed the pill in his mouth and gave him a drink of water through a straw. Once she was satisfied that he had swallowed the medicine, she asked him if there was something he wanted or needed.
In a scratchy voice that sounded as though it hadn't been used in years, he croaked out one word. "Hamburger."
XXXXX
Over the last few minutes, Dean began to feel more awake. Sam helped him to the bathroom, with Bobby's help because apparently he was weak as a damn kitten. He almost fell and took Sam with him, which was saying something since the kid was as big as a moose. When he did his business in the bathroom, and washed his hands, he asked if he could have a shower. Sam agreed but only if he could help. Dean was so weak that at that point he didn't even argue. He just wanted a shower and to brush his teeth. It was embarrassing to have to need Sam to help him, but they made it through the shower with Dean's dignity in tact. Dean was back in the bed and feeling better once Castiel came in with a bag. Dean's mouth watered as he realized that it was a hamburger. Missouri told him to eat slow to ensure he didn't get sick, but Dean was famished and downed that burger like Famine himself was there. He was glad to have fries, and he finished those off a little slower than the burger.
It was after he ate that he noticed that everyone was watching him as if they were expecting him to do a trick or something. "I am sorry for what happened." He was sorry. He hated remembering everything that happened to him, hated to think about it, but he knew that going crazy like he had was not been the best thing in the world for him to do if he was ever going to be able to live on his own again.
"Dean, we need to talk to you about something." Missouri sounded ominous, which made Dean nervous about the upcoming conversation. He wished he could just go back to sleep. "Actually, we need to prepare you for something. You do know about soul mates?" Dean nodded. He knew where this conversation was headed and couldn't help his gaze from seeking out Castiel's. He looked away quickly, but knew from the slight squint in Castiel's eyes that he gave himself away. "Then, you know that being bonded helps subs to remain calm and grounded?" Dean nodded and felt like he was having an out of body experience. "So, you understand how it would help you?" Again, Dean nodded, but felt as though his world was spinning.
He understood exactly what Missouri was saying. It was what he had suspected after his dream. He blushed as he thought back to the dream, and glanced toward Sam. God, he hoped that Sam was gone when he was having that dream. That dream had been so realistic, and he knew that dreams were common among soul mates. He didn't want a soul mate though. He wanted to be free. Independent. Being bonded would make those things impossible. He looked toward Castiel again. His blue eyes bore into Dean as if he was seeing his soul. He wondered if Castiel could see the ugliness that Dean had tried to keep buried? As Castiel and Dean stared at one another, he heard his Uncle Bobby say that he and his Aunt Ellen were going to leave for a while. He barely registered when Missouri said to Sam that it would probably be a good idea for him to join them. There was a brief discussion after Sam protested, but Missouri said that Dean would probably not want an audience for what was going to happen. Sam nodded and walked out of the room. And that...
That was when Dean lost it.
He began to cry softly, because he knew that what was about to happen would forever change his life. He would never be independent and free to make his own choices. He realized that he should have come to terms with that when he first presented. A sub was never allowed to be free. To be independent. A Dom would always control a sub's life. Always.
Resignation. That was what he felt now. It didn't matter that soul mates were made for each other and all that. It was nonsense. A sub was under a Dom's control. Period. He knew that Missouri was going to have Castiel touch him and if that touch opened a bond between them, then Dean's dreams of being on his own were lost forever. Everything he had ever wanted in his life didn't matter because the fact of the matter was that apparently Fate was a prickly little bitch that hated Dean, and Fate had decided that this was his life. He could only pray to whoever was listening that if Castiel was his soul mate, his Dom, that his life with him would be better than the last five years.
XXXXX
Castiel's heart broke when he watched tears quietly leak from the corners of Dean's eyes. Castiel could tell that Dean suspected they were soul mates. Apparently, Missouri had caught onto it, too. Castiel couldn't stand the way that Dean looked at him, though. It was part fear and part resignation. Castiel walked toward Dean as Missouri continued to speak.
"Dean, do you suspect that you potentially have a bond with Castiel?" Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head before he nodded as if it physically pained him to do so. "Dean, it isn't something to scared of, but I understand that this isn't exactly what you were expecting." Dean just shook his head again. Still keeping his eyes shut tight. "Look at me, Dean." Missouri had to repeat it several times before Dean finally turned his watery gaze toward her. "I know this is not what you wanted, but if Castiel is your Dom that will be a good thing."
"If he isn't?" Dean's voice was barely above a whisper.
"If he isn't, then we will have to take a different course of action. We will discuss that if we need to, but for now we need to determine if Castiel is your Dom. Since this can sometimes be emotional, everyone left except for Castiel and me. I am staying to observe." Castiel figured she was staying to ensure that Dean didn't freak out, which made him wonder if this really was a great idea. "Dean, is there anything you want to say or ask first?" Dean just shook his head.
"It wouldn't matter anyway."
Missouri seemed unhappy with that response, but she couldn't be as unhappy as Castiel was with Dean's resignation like he thought Castiel was going to make his life miserable. Castiel tried to remind himself that Dean didn't have a whole lot of experience to go on, but it still hurt that Dean thought Castiel would be one of those abusive controlling Dom's that would not allow Dean to have a life outside of their relationship. "Castiel, anything you want to say or ask first?"
Castiel cleared his throat. "Um. Yes. Dean, regardless of what happens in the next few moments I will continue to be here for you and hopefully one day you will trust me." Missouri stepped back so that Castiel could move closer to Dean. He wished Dean didn't look like he was being approached by a snake with large teeth and a forked tongue, but at least he wasn't running away protesting. Yet.
Missouri whispered softly. "Whenever you're ready."
"Hello, Dean."
"Hey."
Castiel had no clue what to say right now. What does one say in these situations? He looked into those beautiful green eyes that are only made brighter by the tears shimmering in them and asked the only thing he could at that moment. "Are you ready?"
XXXXX
This was not happening.
This was not happening.
This was not happening.
This was happening.
Dean still had that out of body floaty feeling, and when Castiel asked him if he was ready Dean nodded yes even though he was petrified. He watched Castiel through tear-filled eyes as he raised his hand toward Dean's right shoulder. His hand hovered there for long moments that gave Dean ample time to get a good panic going...but before he could get really worked up Castiel grabbed his upper arm right above his mark!
Dean barely had time to register the shock that Castiel grabbed him where his mark was before he began to feel that mark heat up and sparks of pleasure shot through his body. He watched as Castiel's eyes closed as if he was in pure ecstasy. Dean's eyes closed involuntarily as he focused on the pleasure that flowed through this body and limbs like hot molten lava. Or at least what he thinks hot molten lava would flow like, anyway. He didn't want to feel this, but was helpless as he rode out the wave of pure white pleasure. He was vaguely aware of his erection and wondered if Castiel felt the same. Somehow, Dean knew that he was. The feeling was so much just pure pleasure that Dean never wanted it to end. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before in his life. The pleasure continued to rise though as Castiel kept his hand on Dean and it was so hot. Like he was branding him as his. Dean realized that was exactly what he was doing. He was Castiel's. They were soul mates. He vaguely heard the door open and close, but he didn't care. He only wanted this feeling to continue. He knew that he would be embarrassed by his behavior right now, but he couldn't help the plea from escaping his mouth. "Please don't stop."
Castiel whispered softly in his ear a command that Dean had no willpower to do anything other than to obey. "Let go, Dean."
Dean's couldn't have stopped his body's release at that moment if his life depended upon it.
It was the best orgasm he had ever had, and he had not even been touched other than the hand that settled on his upper arm like a heavy hot brand. He felt a hand running through his hair as his eyes opened to look into Castiel's. The look on Castiel was so endearing and fond that Dean turned his face away. Castiel didn't move away. Didn't move his hand. He just leaned over and lightly placed a kiss on Dean's forehead while he kept his hand on Dean like they would keep Dean grounded. He guessed they were in a way. He felt the wetness in his underwear, and immediately flushed. "Dean, don't be embarrassed. You are beautiful."
Dean just shook his head. This Dom, his Dom, had no clue what he was talking about. Dean was far from beautiful. Dean could feel the power and confidence radiating through Castiel. It scared him. He knew it was only a matter of time before that power and confidence turned on Dean.
XXXXX
Dean was beautiful. Castiel was so happy, but he could tell that Dean didn't trust it, didn't trust him, yet. That was ok. Castiel knew that over time Dean would find out that Castiel's mission was to keep him happy, safe, and protected. Castiel saw himself in that moment as a guardian angel sent from heaven with the task of ensuring that Dean Winchester had the best life possible. He would prove himself trustworthy to Dean and in the process heal Dean from the demons of his past.
A/N: So, I had this written like a week ago and went to save it and my computer froze up...I lost all of it except the first 500 words. It was sad. I ended up learning a lesson that I forgot from my college days. Save. Save. Save. Save often. Like neurotic saving. Anyway, I rewrote it and I think I like this version better anyway so maybe it worked out alright.
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I am excited for the next chapter in this story, but just a warning. There will still be a little angst as Dean and Cas get to know each other. Oh, and since I cranked this out quickly because I wanted to get this updated, please let me know if you notice any mistakes in the story so I can correct it. I didn't review this chapter like I have the others. Thanks :)