Chapter 7: Gotta start somewhere...

Dean tried watching the medical drama reruns that were on, but he couldn't concentrate on the show. He glanced over at the Dom sitting by his bed reading a book about bee keeping and wondered how he was going to try to get to know this man if he couldn't even bring himself to speak to him. He wasn't able to start a conversation to save his life. He was pathetic. Michael trained him not to speak unless he was spoken to first and even though he didn't think Cas was going to be angry with him if he talked to him first, it was difficult to break a habit that was so ingrained in him. If something wasn't said soon Dean wasn't going to have a lower lip any longer and his cover was going to be frayed all to pieces.

He needed to stop sighing because every time he sighed Cas would glance over at him causing him to freeze as he pretended to be engrossed in the TV show.

"Dean. What is wrong?" Cas' low gravelly voice broke the silence between them.

"Um, nothing. Nothing is wrong." Dean was shaking his head and trying to look as believing as possible. Dean winced internally as he realized he forgot to tack on the respectful sir at the end. He corrected his mistake. "Nothing is wrong, Sir."

"Dean, I have heard you sigh repeatedly and you aren't going to have a lip left the way you are gnawing on it. Plus that poor blanket needs a break from your manhandling. So, I repeat. What is wrong?"

That intense stare with those blue eyes bore into Dean as he tried not to panic as he thought about what he wanted to say. Or not to say. Maybe if he just remained quiet Cas would go back to reading about bees.

Cas just kept watching him. It was very disconcerting.

"I was just...thinking." Cas just kept watching him as if he was waiting for him to continue. "You know...about my conversation with Ellen and Jo. They wanted to...talk. About...sub stuff. Yeah. Stuff you wouldn't understand." Cas raised an eyebrow. "I mean. You are a Dom. You know you are a Dom. I don't have to tell you that. But I am a sub. Well, you know that too. What I mean is that since we subs talked about sub stuff and since you are a Dom...you wouldn't...understand." Dean whispered that last part. Still Cas just continued to look at him except...both eyebrows were raised now. "We were just catching up really." Shut up, Dean! "And they both thought I needed to get to know you better. Please say something, because I am just rambling now and I don't want to get into trouble but you are are just staring at me...and I really need to shut up." Dean finally stopped his ramble and squeezed his eyes closed. His fists were clenched around the blanket in his lap. Don't look at his eyes. Don't look. You need to shut up, so don't look at his eyes. Why doesn't he say something?

"Dean, please look at me." Dean shook his head. No way was he looking at him. There was no telling what he would say next. Damn it. This was just embarrassing. Apparently Cas had the power to made Dean spill all the beans.

"Dean, I want you to look at me when I speak to you please." Cas' was insistent. Dean slowly opened his eyes and turned toward Cas. "Thank you, Dean." Cas leaned forward. "Dean, I understand how difficult it is for you to discuss things and if they helped you then I am glad for that. If you don't want to tell me what you discussed then I respect that. I won't lie about being happy that they encouraged you to get to know me. I want that. We have to get to know each other. As we get to know each other, you will learn to trust me as I learn about you. At some point, once you trust me more we will have to discuss your triggers. This relationship will not progress romantically until I am sure that I have an excellent understanding of your triggers." Dean swallowed as he listened to Cas refer to a romantic relationship between them. "Do you understand, Dean?" Dean nodded. He did understand. He understood perfectly. He was going to have to talk about his time with Michael. He was going to have to tell Cas all about the stuff that Dean would rather forget.

Cas' face softened. "Dean, I won't make you tell me right now. I want you to tell me in your own time. I won't promise not to push you, because I know your past is something that you will never want to talk about and you will probably have to be pushed to discuss it. I will promise to be respectful and to always have your best interest at heart. Always."

"Will you punish me?" Dean couldn't believe he asked that even if it was softly whispered.

Cas frowned slightly. "Dean, what you experienced...I am positive it went beyond punishment, or discipline for that matter, and into abuse and torture territory. Everything that happens in our relationship will be built upon trust and respect...even discipline if it is needed. I know you don't believe that now, but you will over time."

"How will you do that?"

"Over time, my actions will show you that you can trust me."

Dean shook his head. "I mean, how will you punish me?"

"Oh, Dean." Cas shook his head as if he was finally understanding how scared Dean was of possible future punishments. "I won't know that until I know your triggers, but I promise you that I will always respect you and your safeword if you ever choose to use it."

"Safewords don't work."

Cas looked horrified for a second before he schooled his features into a blank expression. "Dean, a safeword will work with me." When Dean looked at Cas, he continued. "I also hope that I never do anything that will cause you to use your safeword."

"Me, too." Dean felt something bloom in his chest. He thought the feeling was hope.

There was a knock on the door, and Benny stuck his head around the door after Cas called out for whoever it was to come on in.

"Hey. I hope I am not interrupting anything." Benny was watching them both as he tentatively walked further into the room.

Dean started to say something before Cas stopped him. "Benny, it is fine. I am sure that Dean would enjoy your company for a bit. Dean, while you visit with Benny I will go run a few errands. Would you like for me to bring you something back?"

Dean bit his lip for a second before replying. "Would you...could you bring me burger back? Please?"

"Absolutely. I will return in a couple of hours." After waving to them both, he closed the door behind him.

Dean hasn't talked to Benny alone since he returned. They were best friends at one time. Before Dean left. Benny was someone that Dean used to talk to about everything. He never judged Dean for anything. Now after all this time, Dean wasn't sure what to expect.

"Castiel seems like a nice guy." Benny sat in the chair beside Dean. "I've met him a couple of times in the last few days. Everyone seems to like him."

"Yeah. He has been nice so far." Dean was nervous for some reason.

"You don't think that will continue?" Benny never was one to beat around the bush.

Dean just looked at Benny. He wanted to be honest, but at the same time this man that used to be his best friend was a Dom. He felt as though he could trust him. The Benny he used to know didn't care about dynamics. Plus, he was with Jo. They were family.

But what if Benny told what Dean said in here out of some Dom solidarity code or some shit like that. Would that trump bro code?

"Whatever you say stays between us, brother. I won't even tell Jo." Dean felt the tension he had been feeling unclench as he looked at his former best friend. He wondered how their friendship would be now? Dean cleared his throat before speaking.

"I don't know what to think, Benny. I...want to trust him, but I just keep thinking about all the ways it could go wrong." Dean watched as Benny nodded.

"I understand. Trust is earned, brother." Benny took off his cap and rubbed his hair back before returning the cap to his head.

"Yeah. It is. So...you and Jo?" Dean hoped Benny would let him change the subject.

"Oh, man. That was a situation. Jo..." Dean watched as Benny's expression changed to one of love and...awe? "Jo is just wonderful. I love her so damned much, and I can't imagine not having her in my life, you know? Anyway, she is a little spitfire. That ain't changed, but I also wouldn't have her any other way." Dean listened as Benny pretty much repeated the same account that Jo did earlier about how they got together except from a Dom's point of view. Benny explained how difficult it was to go from best friends to feeling totally responsible for Jo: mind, body, and soul. Benny seemed to understand that he wanted to know more about how Dom's think so he elaborated. He described how strong the protective instinct was and how that leads to a possessive attitude. It wasn't so much that he viewed Jo as his property. It was that she was his to protect and to provide for, and to fail at that was absolutely inexcusable. He said that he wasn't a parent yet, but that he supposed it was much like how a parent feels responsible for the well-being of their child. Benny laughed and wiggled his eyebrows as he continued. "Not that my feelings toward her are paternal, if you get my meaning."

"Dude. That is...she is like my sister." Dean was trying not to have any visuals...

"I know, I know...Anyway, my point was to tell you how a Dom thinks and feels. Instincts are strong. Especially with soulmates."

"Well, my experience has taught me differently." Dean was frustrated. With Ellen, Jo, Cas, and now Benny, he has been talking way too much today. Revealing too much.

"Your experience was not normal, brother. Seriously. I don't know what all you went through, and you don't have to tell me...but it wasn't normal. Not at all." Benny was shaking his head. "As a Dom, I have no idea what it is like to be a sub. I ain't even going to pretend to know. I will say this, though. The fact that Jo places all her trust in me, trusts that I will always do what I think is best for her. No better feeling in the world than knowing that she loves me so much that she does what she can to please me." Benny smiles brightly as he looks like he is thinking about something far away.

"And what if she doesn't? Then what?" Dean didn't want to think about Benny punishing Jo.

"Dean, rarely does she do something that displeases me. I also don't expect her to be perfect, just like she doesn't expect perfection from me. Dean, it isn't that she is doing everything just to please me. She is her own person. Because I love her so much, and I know her so well, I don't expect the impossible from her. I know what she likes and what she doesn't. Sure, sometimes I make decisions that she doesn't agree with, but I always consider her point of view when making the decisions." Benny was serious now as he leaned forward. "Listen, I am going to tell you a secret that most Dom's wouldn't dare admit to because I think you need to hear it. Every decision that I make is weighed more heavily by what I know Jo will want and what will benefit her the most than by what I want. Their is a misconception that Dom's are just selfish Alpha types when in reality, we are just big softies for our subs. Yeah, we make the decisions, but the consequences for those decisions are on us too. If our decision hurts our subs, then the guilt we feel is...well, let's just say that when I let Jo down I will do just about anything to make it up to her. If given the chance, I would be willing to bet that Castiel would move Heaven and hell to protect you and give you whatever you want."

Dean looked skeptical. "You really think so?"

"Brother, that is what I would do for Jo. So, yeah. I really think so."

Dean thought about his conversation with Benny after the man had left. He had to get to The Roadhouse for the evening shift. Everyone's opinion was to give Cas chance. It helped hearing Benny talk about how Dom's felt. He thought about how it would be to be loved as much as Benny described. Could Cas love him like that? Would Cas be able to love Dean like that once he knew all the things he was forced to do because he wasn't strong enough to fight back or leave?

xxxxx

Dean took advantage of his time alone to shower. He stayed in the shower much longer than he had intended because he got lost in his thoughts. He was settling back into his bed when Cas arrived carrying a bag that smelled so good it had Dean's mouth watering.

"Hello, Dean. Did you have a nice visit with Benny?" Cas was carefully setting all the food out onto the movable cart tray table thingy. Dean watched in fascination as Cas arranged Dean's food for him and struck a straw in his drink. Cas sat on the other side of the tray thingy and unfolded a napkin for his lap.

"Yes. It was nice to see him again." Dean watched Cas arrange his own food. He thought about what Benny had said about a Dom providing and protecting their sub. Was that kind of what Cas was doing when he was arranging Dean's food?

"Good. I assumed you were ready to eat." Cas nodded toward Dean's food in a way that said for Dean to eat. Dean nodded as he hesitantly picked up his burger as he watched as Cas picked up his. "Well, then let's eat." Dean lifted his burger to his mouth, but waited until Cas actually took a bit before he bit into his own. Cas moaned as he chewed. "This burger is heavenly."

Dean felt the blush over his face as he nodded in agreement. He couldn't help but think back to the other day when Cas touched him for the first time. He picked up his drink and took a huge sip as he tried to stop the desire from pooling in his groin. He was embarrassed by this orgasmic episode the other day and he wondered what it would be like to actually have someone touch him there. Stop thinking about that and eat your damn burger.

Once they were finished and everything was cleaned up, they settled in to watch TV. Well, Dean pretended to watch TV. Cas was still sitting on the edge of the bed and was about to get up.

"Cas?" Oh, shitshitshit. "Um...Castiel. Sorry." Dean rubbed the back of his neck.

"Dean, it is ok. I like Cas." Dean looked at Cas. The Dom was smiling fondly at Dean. "Were you needing something?"

Dean felt stupid. He couldn't even believe he was even going to suggest what he wanted to suggest. "Dean, what is it?" Cas was looking at him with concern.

"Um, we haven't touched since that...moment. The other day." OhmyGod, OhmyGod...shut up!

Cas' head tilted as he watched Dean. "We haven't."

Dean was embarrassed. "Just forget it."

"Dean, were you wanting me to touch you?" Cas' expression was neutral as he watched Dean.

"I was...just wondering. If it would do what it did the other day. If you touched me again?" Dean cleared his throat.

Cas studied Dean for a moment before replying. "Dean, I only think it was for the first time. I don't think it would be as...profound as that first touch."

Dean just nodded and swallowed as he leaned back on the bed. He watched as Cas moved the table on wheels. Cas looked at Dean for a moment. His eyes narrowed slightly. "Dean, would you mind if I reclined on the bed and watched TV with you? If at any point you are uncomfortable, please tell me and I will move to the chair."

Dean watched Cas warily trying to decide what he wanted. He wanted to get to know Cas, and he wanted to feel safe and loved, but the thought of it all terrified him. They stared at each other for a long moment and without looking away from Cas' eyes Dean moved over in the bed to give Cas room. Cas settled in beside him. It was awkward, but Dean liked feeling the heat from Cas' body along his even if Cas was above the covers. Over the course of the night, they both shifted slightly toward each other. Eventually Cas' arm moved behind Dean as he snuggled up to Cas. Within moments Dean was asleep as Cas gently held him.

XXXXX

A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update. I had work related stuff going on and then a kid playing in a baseball all-stars tournament, so my time to write has been limited. I was determined to get a chapter out this weekend though. Honestly, after the last chapter I struggled with how to get Cas and Dean started. Like for real started. Just so you know, there will still be some bumps. Not quite smooth sailing yet. However, you gotta start somewhere. Plus, I was ready for them to have a moment. I apologize for any mistakes since I haven't edited it in my haste to get it uploaded. :) Thanks for reading! xoxo