Serena walked into Summers room to find her curled up against her headboard, picking at the side of her comforter.
"Hey," Serena said gently, shutting the door and walking further into the room. Summer looked up at Serena but didn't make any other move to acknowledge her presence. "Grandma Lily tells me you had fun with Nate today."
Summer nodded and bit her lip, Serena sighed and took a seat in front of her daughter and waited for another response, sighing when she didn't get one.
"You're really not going to talk to me at all?" Serena asked and Summer looked up at her and shrugged and Serena figured that's about as good as it was going to get for the moment.
Serena didn't know what exactly Nate told her but she knew Summer was waiting for her side of the story so she had to start talking.
"Ok, so Nate, Blair and I were best friends since we were born," Serena started, she might as well tell this story from the beginning. "We met Chuck when we were four and Blair decided she was going to marry Nate when we were five."
Summer raised an eyebrow at the age but she didn't say anymore, so Serena took that as her cue to continue.
"Erik was born when I was 7 and my dad, your grandfather, left us maybe 3 or 4 months after that," Serena said clenching her jaw and closing her eyes for a beat before continuing. "Grandma Lily didn't stay around for much longer after that, I saw my mother maybe once or twice a year and as you know I haven't seen my father since, I hated nannies, which is why you never had one, I used to pack Erik up in his stroller with whatever we needed and go to Nate or Blair's houses, they were the only people I trusted then."
Blue eyes shifted up to look at her curiously and Serena smiled sadly, she hated talking about her father or the time he left, it was easier to be angry at her mother for everything because she was there, she came back, with her father it was just a memory that she was upset with, a ghost that she couldn't touch.
"Erik and I told you how many times Grandma Lily got married after that," Serena said and Summer nodded wearily, looking like she needed to talk to her grandmother to verify that. "Well she brought home her first husband when I was about 9 and I threw the biggest fit, I refused to accept it but they didn't stay around long enough to really matter and they divorced a little while after that."
"Was that Claus with a C?" Summer asked and Serena almost smiled as her daughter spoke to her, letting her know that all hope wasn't completely lost if she was paying attention.
"No, she didn't marry Claus with a C, he was just her boyfriend before this guy," Serena said and Summer nodded slowly and looked at Serena to carry on. "Klaus with a K, was marriage number 2, I was about your age and didn't like that one anymore than the first but I only met him once at their wedding and then never saw him again."
Summer pulled her knees closer to her body and bit her lip as she stared at her mother.
"By the time my mother married for the third time, I was almost 14 and just realizing that I was in love with my best friend's boyfriend," Serena explained and Summer sucked in a breath, Erik joked about it when they were telling her about Nate but it was another thing hearing her mother say it. "I also realized that doing certain things got my mother's attention enough that she'd have to stay in town with us longer than 5 minutes."
"What things?" Summer asked curiously and Serena frowned as she thought of a way to explain this to the 12 year old.
"By doing things my mother didn't want the public to know," Serena said and Summer frowned at her, Serena could almost see the argument that she was supposed to lay everything on the table during this talk. "Ok you have to know that I was 14 and looking for attention, my friend Georgina and I got fake ID's and we started drinking and clubbing, when he was in the mood, Chuck joined us a well, it was reckless and stupid and thankfully we came out of that period relatively unscathed."
Summers frown got deeper and Serena almost had the urge to reach over and smooth her forehead and tease her about getting wrinkles but thought better off it, all that would get her was a glare and her hand slapped away.
"Blair and Nate were my 'protectors' you could say, they took care of Erik and I after my ... wild nights," Serena told her, wincing as she thought back to how she did the same thing to Erik that their mother did when she left him with her friends. "A lot of times Blair didn't know what to do with me, so I spent much more time with Nate then I did with Blair and after a while I thought that maybe he felt the same way about me that I felt about him."
Summer nodded like she understood and Serena took a breath and hoped that the girl she raised was ready to handle her past and the things that Serena wished she could change.
"The summer I left, Nate and I spent most of our holiday together since we were the only ones of our group in New York, Chuck's dad had him helping out in the business and Blair's parents took her to Paris," Serena said noting how Summer's eyes lit up at the mention of Paris, some of her classmates had been the year before and she was dying to go soon as well. "We went to a wedding a few weeks in and I convinced him to get drunk with me."
Summer bit her lip and took a deep breath, mimicking her mother. She knew that it had gotten to the point in the story where her mother told her about when she found out she was pregnant.
"I realized who I betrayed by the time I was sober, I left town as soon as I could, I didn't say goodbye to anyone, Grams wasn't a big part of our lives but she was the only person I could think to go to," Serena said looking down and pushing back the emotion she still felt when thinking about that time. "I started getting sick about a month after and that's when I found out about you."
Summer smiled slightly at the smile on her mother's face when she spoke about finding out about her. "Why didn't you tell him?" Summer asked softly, asking what she really wanted to get to and Serena didn't need to ask who he was to know Summer was asking about Nate.
"We were both 15 years old, we were still children ourselves, lost, confused children, that day we spent together was perfect and I could have pretended that we were a couple forever but it was just a dream, as far as I was concerned he loved me but he was in love with Blair and he had obligations to his family and dreams to travel the world," Serena said thinking of ways to explain it so that it made sense. "I didn't want him to give them up for us like I knew he would have, I didn't want to hurt Blair anymore than I knew I had, I didn't want him to wake up one day and resent us for ruining his life."
"If Blair didn't tell me that you knew, would you have ever told me?" Summer asked and Serena nodded. "Because she seemed more than happy to fill me in if you didn't tell me."
"And Blair and I are probably going to fight about that a few more times," Serena said and Summer raised an eyebrow. "The reason I agreed to bring you to New York was to tell you about Nate and who he was and tell him who you were, that day at Central Park he caught me off guard and that didn't seem like the place to tell either of you so I waited and yesterday when I spoke to him I told him, I wanted to get his reaction before I brought you into it but you came in as I said it and I had no control over it."
"You know some warning would have been nice," Summer said crossing her arms. "Like in the plane on the way here or maybe when we were talking about him after we met him, mom."
"Summer I know that you're angry at me for keeping this from you but I need you to know that I thought I was doing the right thing," Serena begged.
"How?" she asked with tears in her eyes. "He's my dad and he would have been happy to be my dad but he doesn't know me."
"Ok, look at me," Serena said gently, pushing herself closer to Summer and take her hands. "When Grams told me I could live with her I jumped at the chance, I didn't want to face Blair after what I had done and I didn't want to see Nate after I just left, I was a coward and after you were born I was terrified that if Nate found out then he or his family would try and take you away from me and I couldn't handle the thought of that because I love you more than anything in this world and as more time passed, I just kept delaying this moment because I was terrified of what you and Nate would think of me for keeping this secret."
"Mom," Summer started and Serena nodded and ran her fingers through her daughters hair, relieved when her hand wasn't batted away.
"For the longest time, I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing," Serena said tilting her head. "I know that it was wrong of me to keep you away from each other no matter the reasons and I know that I can't give you back the years that you lost with him and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for that but I was blindly protecting both of you the only way I knew how and I will always protect you, no matter what."
Summer leaned forward so she could hug her mother, burying her face in her hair. "I want to hate you for this."
"I know baby," Serena said holding the girl as tight as she could to herself. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm still mad with you," she mumbled and Serena almost laughed but hid it as best she could.
"I wouldn't expect any less," Serena told her, pressing a kiss to her head.
"This was really selfish of you, mom," Summer said gripping the sides of her mother's shirt. "You should have told us, we could have met years ago."
"I know," Serena said as Summer let go of her and pushed herself back away from Serena, wiping her eyes and uncurling her legs. "I know," Serena whispered to herself again watching Summer adjust herself.
"He told me he wants to introduce me to his family," Summer said looking up at her mother nervously, meeting new people always made her nervous, especially if she felt that these people were expecting something of her. "I don't think I'm ready."
"I'm sure even he wants some time to get used to this before introducing you to everyone," Serena said with a smile as she realized that the reason for this quick truce was that Summer was confused about what to do and just needed her mom, it made her happy that even after her betrayal, her daughter still thought like that.
"What are they like?" Summer asked biting down on her lip. "The Archibalds?"
"I don't really know," Serena said and Summer looked up at her even more nervous than she was before. "I doubt you'll meet any of them, I never did, you'll meet Anne, Nate's mother, her side of the family, the van der Bilts ... she's a little like grams was."
"You're making me really look forward to meeting this lady," Summer told her dryly and Serena rolled her eyes, there's the sarcastic little girl she left LA with. "Maybe I should just get to know him before I think about another crazy grandmother."
"Good idea," Serena said smiling, it wasn't over yet, this little talk she had with Summer was just the beginning, there were more talks to get through, with Summer and everyone else she left behind, but this was the start.
A/N : I have gone over this chapter so many times, its not even funny, it is at this point that I am stuck lol but I have some time now after my week of big exams so I think I can write now and hopefully the inspiration hasn't completely abandoned me
I am so so so sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out, its just been a little stressful with exams but they are almost over so yey
Serena and Summers talk was very important to me and I am really happy with the way this chapter came out, I hope you guys like it as well and I promise to try and get Nate and Serena in the same scene again soon lol but this story is very much about Serena and Summer, so I hope you guys aren't getting too frustrated with me for focusing so much on them
Thank you so so much for the reviews on the previous chapter
I really hoped you liked this chapter, please review and let me know what you think
Until next time(^^,)