"Mom what do you think about this one?" Summer asked putting a hat on her head and pouting dramatically as she struck a pose.
"Very cute," Serena said laughing at her daughter's antics and turning to see Lily shake her head. "You don't like it?"
"I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it," Lily said getting up and taking the floppy hat from Summer, striking an equally dramatic pose and both Summer and Serena could have been on the floor they were laughing so hard.
It had been like this all morning, Summer and Serena decided they needed a girls day out and Lily tagged along, bonding with her daughter and granddaughter after years of being distant. Summer had thought that it would have been disastrous, usually when her grandmother was around, her mother was irritable and on edge and she waited for the old lady to leave but today they were laughing and talking and throwing clothes at her to try on, it was like a movie sequence and she loved it.
Summer came out of the dressing room in a dress and twirled for them, her mom gasped and then grinned.
"What? No crazy pose?" she asked because Summer had some new pose for every outfit she tried on.
"I think I like this one too much," Summer said biting her lip and looking at herself in the mirror when he caught her eye. "Dad!"
She turned and sprinted toward him jumping straight into his open arms, Serena's heart stopped as she looked at Nate, their eyes locking for a second before he turned them back to their daughter. "I think I like this one too," he said holding her in front of him so he could see what she was wearing.
"What are you doing here?" she asked raising an eyebrow at him.
"I went looking for you at Lily's but Rufus said you were shopping," Nate said. "We didn't have our morning date so I thought I'd see what you were up to between meetings."
"Mom and grandma are taking me to all their favourite places to shop on the Upper East Side," Summer said smiling and looking at her mother who was watching them closely, with shining eyes and a straight face. "Can I get it mom?"
"Of course you can," Serena told her smiling gently, her eyes darting to Nate and then back to her daughter. "Just tell me what else you want and I'll get it for you while you're out with Nate."
"Actually," Nate said staring at Serena. "Since you're here, I think we should talk," he said watching her as she nodded slightly. "If you don't mind of course," he said to Summer who shrugged and grinned.
"It's cool with me, grandma and I can manage," Summer said looking to Lily who smiled in agreement.
"Great," Nate said digging in his pocket and pulling out his card. "Here, get whatever you want on me."
"Nate," Serena started, trying to stop him but Nate just looked at her, a silent plea to let him do this because he could and he never was able to before.
"Really?" Summer asked, looking between parents as she took the card. When her mom nodded she squealed and hugged her dad. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
"We'll meet up with you guys in about an hour," Nate told Lily and Summer and then looked toward Serena. "Shall we?"
"We shall," Serena said trying to muster up a smile as the nerves took over and her heart beat out of her chest. "Be good for Grandma," she told Summer and then looked to her mother for confirmation that she could handle the 12 year old, to which Lily rolled her eyes and glared at Serena for having such little faith in her.
"Take your time," Summer called smiling to herself as her parents walked out of the store together. Her parents, that was such a weird concept for her, it was always her mom, just her mom, it made her giddy. "What?" she asked when she turned to see her grandmother watching her.
"Oh nothing," Lily said smiling. "Come on, these clothes aren't going to try themselves on."
Serena wrapped her arms around her body and held on tight as she walked down the street with Nate, it had been at least 10 minutes since they left her mother and Summer and he still hadn't said anything to her. She kept chewing on her bottom lip as she waited for him to speak remembering their last conversation when he was so angry with her, she thought he'd never speak to her again.
She kept her eyes straight ahead of her easily keeping up with his pace, having to make an effort to slow herself down when her nervousness caused her to speed up. 'This is ridiculous,' she thought to herself as she took a breath to calm herself down. 'It's Nate and no matter how much he hates you, you didn't do this to hurt him, he just needs to understand that.'
"I think we should be able to be civil with each other for Summers sake," Nate said finally, breaking the silence, Serena furrowed her eyebrows she didn't know that she was being anything but civil. "I know she doesn't want all this fighting and the two of us ignoring each other, and I don't want it to affect her, so, truce?"
Serena looked from his face down to his outstretched hand and blinked, she was frozen for a moment as she remembered his voice when he said 'if I decide to ever speak to you again'.
"Is something wrong?" Nate asked raising an eyebrow and Serena furrowed hers. The edge in his voice gave away the anger he was trying to hide away under his calm expression, even his eyes, usually the only thing she needed to look at to know exactly what he was thinking, was controlled. "This doesn't mean that we're going to be best friends or anything like what you remember from 13 years ago, it just means that we have a daughter and we are adults, for her sake we need to start acting like it."
"Ok," she said only trusting herself to utter that one word without her voice breaking and shook his hand. She kept her arms wrapped around her as they walked, Nate wasn't even looking her way, it was like she wasn't even there. "Nate I'm sorry."
"I don't want to hear it Serena," he said without missing a beat and Serena flinched. "It's done, whatever happened in the past is over, whatever lie you had to tell yourself to make this seem like it was the right decision is over, all I want now is to have a relationship with my daughter and for her to know that even though I really don't want to talk to you anymore, I will because its what she wants."
Serena clenched her jaw and shook her head, he was making her angry in a way that he was never able to do and she thought maybe it would take some time but eventually that boy she left behind would forgive her but he isn't that boy anymore and this man in front of her was pretending like she was just a surrogate to his child.
"I was 15 Nate," she exploded and stopped moving, surprising herself and a few people walking past them as well. Nate glared at whoever stopped to watch them before looking back at her. "I was 15," she repeated softer. "I was just 3 years older than Summer is right now, I was scared, you were with Blair, your family was already expecting you to give her the vander Bilt ring, my parents were so far out of my reach that I didn't know who else to run to but my grams, everything felt like it was going to fall completely apart at any given moment and the only thing I wanted was to keep you out of that firing line, to give you the best chance at a normal life."
"A normal life?" Nate said with a dark chuckle and Serena bit her lip. "As decided by you, Serena, I should have had the choice to decide whether I wanted to be a part of her life or not, I should have been the one to decide what a normal life was for me."
"I know what you would have done Nate," Serena said trying to keep her voice controlled. "All I'm saying is that you were 15, you would have grown to resent me for keeping you away from doing the things that you've done without knowing about us, it was too much."
"Again, Serena you should have let me decide this," Nate gritted out. "I would have given up everything for you and I wouldn't have looked back, I wouldn't have resented you and you know that's the truth, so what was it that kept you from New York all these years."
"I didn't know that ok," Serena said the tears threatening to fall down her face as she stared up at him. "I loved you but you were Blair's, I knew you loved me but if there was a choice I knew that you would choose her, I didn't want you to be with me for the baby and then 10 years later wonder what it would have been like to have a baby with her."
Nate's hard expression softened just a little bit but he didn't make a move to comfort her or say anything to interrupt her.
"It was selfish of me to keep her instead of giving her to that family but I couldn't give you up, especially not in that way," Serena said, the tears falling freely now. "I feel the guilt and the pain and the longing for what could have been every single time I look into those big blue eyes of hers, your eyes, and sometimes I wish I did things differently."
"That doesn't help me get back the years I lost with her," Nate said in a low voice, the bitterness in his voice not as strong as he thought it would be because seeing her in tears was tearing him apart.
"I know it doesn't Nate and I know you don't want to hear this but I did the right thing back then, I have to believe that," she said taking a shaky breath and waiting a moment before continuing. "I just ... I watched my parents fall apart, they had me when they were so young and all that love they thought they had, the family obligation, the good intentions, wasn't enough to keep them from abandoning their children so they could get back the years they lost when they had to take care of me."
"I am not your father Serena," Nate said and Serena could see the anger at the implied comparison but there was also some spark of understanding beneath that. "I would never have done what he did."
"I couldn't take that risk with her Nate," she said shaking her head and Nate threw his head back and laughed humourlessly before looking back to her.
"When we spoke I told Summer that I believe you when you said you were trying to protect us by keeping this secret," he said and she looked up in shock. "And I do Serena, I knew who you were then but that doesn't mean I understand why you felt like you had to."
"I don't know how else to explain it Nate," she said shaking her head. "There's nothing else that I can say about my decisions to make you understand."
"I don't even think I want to understand," Nate said throwing his arms out and then rubbing his face. "I just want to be able to talk to you without getting angry."
"What do you need me to do?" Serena asked softly wiping her wet cheeks.
"I don't know S," Nate said shaking his head and looking past her to the cluster of shops they were heading to when she stopped him and Serena's mouth twitched into a smile, no one beside Erik had called her S in 13 years.
"I think we just have to give it time Nate," Serena said looking down and wrapping her arms back around herself.
"Are you taking her back to LA?" Nate asked and Serena nodded slowly.
"School starts up again in a month, I'm going to make it her decision on whether she wants to stay here or return to LA," Serena said and Nate furrowed his eyebrow as he stared at her. "I've spoken to the head master at Constance Billard, she's agreed to accept my late application."
"Does she know?" Nate asked, referring to Summer.
"Not yet, I didn't get a chance to tell her," Serena said with a smile as she looked up at Nate.
"I'm taking her for breakfast tomorrow," Nate said and Serena raised an eyebrow because that's what he did every morning. "Chuck and Blair will be there," he continued and Serena's eyebrow went up even higher if that was possible. "I think you should come too." Serena was pretty sure if she could raise her eyebrows any higher they'd fly off her face.
"You what?" she asked confused and Nate chuckled, one of those amused Nate-like chuckles he used to give her before he found out what she did.
"I think you should join us," he repeated and Serena grimaced at the thought of her and Blair at the same table after their last few run-ins. "Look Summer wants her parents to have a friendly relationship and this will show her that we're making an effort, Blair needs to see that as well for her to give up this hatred of you because of me and I it would make Chuck and my lives much easier if she had someone else to talk to."
Serena pressed her lips together as hard as she could to suppress her grin, Blair could be a handful when she wanted to be and there was no telling how much torture she'd put the boys through after Serena left especially since she felt that she only had the two of them to confide in. "Ok," Serena said. "I'll come with Summer in the morning."
"Great see you two tomorrow," he said starting to walk away from her.
"Wait, aren't you going to come back with me to see her," Serena asked, not willing to let go of the more light-hearted Nate that has finally graced her presence again, even if just for another moment. "She still has your card."
"She can give it to me tomorrow," Nate said shrugging when he turned back to her and Serena bit her lip. "How much damage can a 12 year old do, really?"
"Oh Nate the things you still need to learn", she mumbled to herself.
A/N : Hey guys, I know I'm like super late with posting this but I was terrified of posting this chapter and it being disappointing, but today I read over it a few times, fixed the little mistakes and I was happy with it so I hope you guys are as well
For this story to continue, I needed Nate and Serena to have some sort of interaction, I thought maybe they stopped being angry too quickly but when I re-read it today, their conversation made sense with the way it went, after he heard her reasons he lost that burning anger and hopefully she explained her reasons better
I needed some kind of humor in there and Summer is my favorite person for that :D I am going to add the OC character tag into this description for her because she is basically one of my main characters
The next chapter brings our NJBC and kids together for a little awkwardness and breakfast lol so lets hope I can write that and post it soon
Side Note; Blake had a baby girl! Old news now I know coz the baby is like 2 months old already lol but I recently realized that she should have had her baby and googled it haha my fangirling has really slipped away from me
Anyway, Sorry for this massive AN please review and let me know your thoughts
Until Next Time (^^,)