Author's Note
Here we are at last, the third Aftermath of the season! I will say right now that it isn't terribly different from the canon episode, but the character differences really make it. Next week's chapter is Niagara Brawls, which is both the beginning of the fateful fourth quarter and already finished meaning I'll actually have a free Saturday for the first time in a while.
No matter how many times I say it, it's always amazing that we're already this far along in the story. And yet, it won't be until the first week of February that this season will officially be over.
But enough musing about the future, time to answer some reviews!
Elizabeth Fire Ice Heart: Thanks! I hope you enjoy not only this episode, but the ones to come as well.
kaijudude1000: Thanks for the praise! It's always nice to here from long-time readers, first time-reviewers. You'll have to wait until next week to find out what happens with Alejandro, Ella, and Tyler of course, but I hope you enjoy what happens. And as for Sammy and Dawn, I'm not sure if you're saying you like the pairing itself or if you were just complimenting the stories in general, nevertheless, I'm glad I was able to make them work. I've been trying to up the representation factor in my stories, since the actual series has been notoriously unwilling/unable to include any non-het couples.
Glowing Insanity: Thanks. I did kind of consider including the exclusive clip, but decided against it since I've only been doing the post-elimination ones. And I almost hate to say it again, but this week's episode isn't that different from canon I think, so don't be expecting any big changes or dramatic developments right now...next week, perhaps, but not now.
PizzaTheBomb: Wow, I'm glad you loved last week's song so much! Even this far into the season' it's nice to know that people like the songs I write, even if they're to the tunes of existing songs. I'm glad you enjoyed the dramatic happenings as well, though I will say that Ella and Tyler haven't hooked up quite yet. But Alejandro's certainly been taken down a peg, and Sugar's not in as good a place either. Overall I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy the Aftermath this week!
DSX62415: Oh ho, it certainly seems that way. I hope you enjoy this week's episode and who gets to enter the game!
acosta perez jose ramiro: Thanks! And yeah, Ella's finally found out the truth about Alejandro. What will become of it, however, is yet to be seen...
FOWLKON: Ehh, the 'launched out of a cannon' joke really only works for Owen, and even then only just barely; I'm just not a fan of fat jokes and things like them in particular. I see what you mean about the differences in focus between the canon episode and mine, with the canon being much more focused on relationships within the team rather than between the teams, even with the ongoing relationship drama between Duncan, Courtney, Alejandro, and Heather. Neither Owen nor Cody and Sierra really played a part in that, whereas my Sweden episode had pretty much everyone taking a stance on the relationship between Alejandro, Ella, and Tyler. Though I wouldn't say that Sammy and Dawn were being antagonistic, at least in a negative sense; they wanted Alejandro to not have Ella as an ally, true, but more importantly they didn't want Ella to keep being deceived by someone they know is a bad guy. At least, that was my intent with them.
LadyEnigma888: Oh yes, their alliance only went so far - it was already implicitly over, since Sammy wouldn't have voted for Dawn if it had come to it. And revealing Alejandro's deceptions hardly breaks the terms of their alliance, as you said. As for the returning player...well, you've certainly raised some interesting possibilities at least.
bruno14: I'm glad to hear you liked it. And yeah, even though we're nearing the end of the first three seasons, it does mean we're getting that much closer to the second cast, which I'm excited to see people's reactions to. I'm liking what you liked about the song and characters last weak, especially Tyler. He could definitely have used a hug last week, although I think Ella could use one more right now.
StarHeart Specials: I've already cleared it up via PM but for the sake of those who read the review responses I'll say that I can't respond to a review that was never posted. Though I do hope to hear from you again some more! And yeah, Ella doesn't deserve her heartbreak, but it had to happen eventually with things as they were.
P. T. Piranha: Oh yes, and I'm glad I was able to make a reward challenge intense enough to be suiting the third quarter finale. Alejandro's certainly on the ropes now, and I'm looking forward to seeing how people react to the next few episodes once they come out. And as for who's gonna enter the game today...well, if you haven't figured it out yet, then I'll try not to ruin your surprise.
Animation Adventures: Haha, I'm glad you feel that way and I hope I don't disappoint next week when the main plot resumes. Regarding the Chris head idea, I did briefly consider having one of the teams actually build it, but decided against it because it would be too much like canon, and it just wasn't what I wanted to do with the challenge or the song. And don't worry about Alejandro, even without me showing the massage scene he'll get what's coming to him eventually. As for your suggestions for the Second Chance Challenge...well, the choices were good. The arguments in favor of them, however? Not so much, I'm afraid, at least for what I want in the next quarter.
I. M. Poik: Yeah, I don't think Team Universe winning is that big of a deal, especially since they lost two times before it. Glad you liked the song, especially the costume descriptions which were a little weird for me because I wasn't sure how and how much to describe them. I'm afraid I'll have to disagree with you on the timing (and method) of Ella finding out the truth, but that's to be expected. Oh, and Alejandro most definitely already knows what Dawn and Sammy have done...
Ddynamo: Hey, no worries! About not reviewing very much, at least. The plagiarism...well, I haven't gotten around to dealing with it yet (I've been busy), but thank you so much for pointing it out anyway, I really really appreciate it.
StayOuttaMyShed: Yeah, I think I can see what you mean with Ella. She was never really designed to be a full, robust character, meaning it falls on me to make up for it in my own stories. I actually like/appreciate her myself, but I am sorry I wasn't able to translate that into a character that was more widely enjoyed by my audience. Still, it seems like last week's episode was definitely one of the better ones for her. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
AS for the Second Chance Challenge, I agree that there's really not much point to Blaineley's arc if it doesn't end in her messing up and having to be humiliated - she's meant to be a pest who takes time away from the main stars of the Aftermath, and irritates them more and more until finally - and spectacularly - falling apart, more or less. Other people could certainly fill a lot of her role as a late-game entering player, but it just wouldn't make her arc as good.
Knifez: Haha, sorry, but you'll have to wait a little bit longer. Though I am glad you enjoy the dynamic between Alejandro, Dawn, and Sammy, they've been pretty fun to write. You do have a point about Blaineley, and I hope you enjoy the next few episodes.
Star Saber21: Yup, that was the main purpose of last week's chapter, to build up to Ella's devastation. I think it was definitely for the better, though. Even more so since it'll disrupt Sugar's plans to get rid of her. As for the Second Chance today...well, I won't say who's coming back yet but you'll probably be surprised. Also, I don't really understand why you'd think I would have Jasmine show up in Tanzania if Shawn ends up winning a spot back on the plane; I have no reason to have her show up right now and even less in Africa of all places.
wifishark: No, I wouldn't say that. Pairing up Alejandro and Ella is one of two fairly obvious choices for that challenge, since the drama it would create is pretty high. That aside, I hope you enjoy the episode this week.
And so ends the reviews for this week. As always, the TVTropes page for this series could always use more work, and I greatly appreciate the effort everyone has put into it so far and I look forward to what you all add next.
It's not currently relevant, but for those who want it here's a reminder of the remaining cast on the plane:
Team Victory - Ezekiel, Tyler, Ella, Sugar
Team Universe - Sammy, Alejandro, Dawn
We won't be seeing them this week, of course, since it's an Aftermath. But, by the end of this episodes, somebody else WILL be joining them on the plane. Who will it be? Read on to find out, and enjoy.
- Fangren
Episode 18 – Aftermath Aftermayhem
For the third time this season an electric guitar riff opened the episode, the camera fading in onto an image of a spinning globe. Large white block-lettered words appeared in a column with a flash; first 'TOTAL', then 'DRAMA', then 'WORLD TOUR', and lastly 'AFTERMATH' at the bottom in an explosion of sparks. The title lit up, the flare wiping the scene to the first of several clips.
xxx
Shawn suddenly rolled forward from his spot near the shrubbery, looking back over his shoulder with a smirk. "Just try and catch me off guard!" he yelled out to the open air.
The background music spiked just then as a long dagger flew down from above Shawn, piercing the sack and pinning it to the ground. "Oh crap," he said with wide eyes, quickly turning around and looking up – the perspective rotated with him, revealing the shadowy form of the Ripper perched atop the ornate lintel over the window.
xxx
The title screen was shown again, just long enough for the letters to flare up and cut to the next clip.
xxx
The camera cut to Alejandro and Sierra, who were paused in mid-grapple in the dance challenge – Sierra had Alejandro in a headlock, while he in turn had his left hand pushing against the side of her head and his right leg wrapped around her left.
"Aww," Sierra cooed as she watched the touching scene just off-camera, "I love happy endings!"
"Well I love distracted opponents," Alejandro countered, quickly releasing his leg, putting his hands on her stomach, and shoving her off her mat before she could react.
"Oof!" Sierra winced as she landed in the snow on her butt.
xxx
The title screen flared once more as a third clip was shown.
xxx
"I don't know if I can do this," DJ said, not taking his eyes off the cod in his hands. "I don't wanna hurt the poor thing."
The clip promptly skipped forward to him and Geoff sitting back to back, both kissing their cod on the lips.
xxx
One final flare of the the title led into one final clip.
xxx
"No..." Scarlett said to herself, a look of sheer horror on her face. DJ, Sammy, and Dawn turned and left through the gap DJ had made, and Scarlett cried out "NOOOO!", nearly drowning out the siren.
Moments later a swarm of Black Ops soldiers arrived, weapons pointed at the pinned teenager.
xxx
(Fade to Opening Theme)
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;
You guys are on my mind!
Ya asked me what I wanted to be,
And now I think the answer is plain to see!
I wanna be...famous!
I wanna live close to the sun!
Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!
Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;
I'll get there one day.
'Cause I wanna be...famous!
(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)
(Fade to Episode)
xxx
The Aftermath's title sequence replayed itself once more, and the studio audience began to cheer even before the words lit up. When they did, it was to take the scene to the darkened stage, lit only by a pair of moving spotlights. The opening music cut away to something deeper and dramatic that underscored the applause.
"Attention, Total Drama fanatics!" Sam called dramatically from off-stage. "Forget the Aftermath, this is Total Drama Aftermayhem!" The crowd went wild as he walked on from stage right. "I'm your cohost Sam," he said as he walked to the moving spotlights which quickly came together to form one bright circle center-stage, "and this...is kinda weird, actually," he said with an odd look as he reached the spotlight, "I thought Dakota was gonna meet me out here, but I guess she has something else up her sleeve, huhuh. Makes sense, you never know what you're gonna get next on this show!" he said to the audience, clapping along with them.
"But first, it's the only bunch of nuts you don't have to worry about being allergic to, the Peanut Gallery!" The gamer pointed stage left, the spotlight and camera illuminating the pair of couches off to the side. The nine teens there mostly smiled and waved as the crowd cheered – Topher, B, Beardo, Beth, and Lightning on the top row; Amy, Scott, Jo, Bridgette, and Geoff on the bottom.
"And better yet," Sam announced happily as the focus moved back to him, "our horrible hag of a roving reporter Blaineley is actually doing her job for once and roving far, far away!" Bridgette and Geoff were shown clapping happily from the Peanut Gallery.
A trendy tune started to play as a zoomed-out shot of the series' world map took over the screen, a large icon of Blaineley's face appearing in the top-left corner. "Yup, Blaineley's off on a Total Drama Tour to potential new franchise locations," Sam explained as the Blaineley-icon arced down to northern Europe, a flagpole raising up behind it before a boot kicked her icon down to Australia. "Where she's meeting with one Total Drama superfan contest winner in each country." A flag was raised behind her in Australia, then kangaroo feet kicked her off to western Africa; another flag was raised there, and a monkey arm punched the icon to northern Brazil. After the flag was raised, a bare human foot kicked her icon into the south Atlantic ocean where it promptly sank.
"Stay tuned," Sam told the camera as the scene moved back to him, the stage now lit normally, "because the next superfan is Blaineley-obsessed!...apparently...," he rolled his eyes dryly. "I guess there had to be one somewhere." The audience laughed. "Take it away, Dakota!" he called out, pointing back stage right.
The camera cut to an elderly janitor standing just at the edge of the stage, holding a mop and scratching his butt.
"Uhh...where's my camera-loving angel?" Sam asked in bewildered concern, the camera cutting back to him scratching his head.
"Here's a hint," a familiar voice said from off-stage, "they eat a lot of red meat there!"
The audience and Peanut Gallery gasped as Blaineley walked out on stage and up to Sam. "Whoa, what?! Shouldn't you...," he trailed off in shock.
"Well said, Sammy boy," Blaineley taunted.
"Okay, what did you do to her?" Sam asked with blunt, no-nonsense anger.
"Oh, Sam," Blaineley answered in a condescending tone, "how Dakota left doesn't matter! What matters is that she did leave. And I'm officially back in my cohost seat!" she added, sitting down on the host couch.
"Really?" Sam asked. "What happened to wanting out of your contract-"
"-so I could bail on this dork train before my career is flushed down the bathroom confessional toilet of life?" Blaineley finished for him. "Hmmph! Turns out, if the live show runs long, I don't get paid," she explained. "And if I try to leave the show for any reason other than being fired or accidentally killed on-set by a falling light," she told the camera, "I'll get sued."
A short but tense tune played as Sam looked above his unwanted cohost, the camera panning up to show a stage light flickering and swaying precariously. "What I wouldn't give for some kind of range upgrade right now...," the gamer muttered.
"Nice," Blaineley replied dryly. "Almost makes me wish the producers had sent me on the tour instead of Dakota. Almost."
"Wait, the producers sent her away?" Sam asked in confusion as a more trilling tense tune played. A bit of static in his ear caused him to bring a finger up to it, then frown and raise an eyebrow. "Huh," he said, looking back at his cohost.
"Okay, on with the show," Blaineley said the trendy Aftermath tune began, standing up and walking away before Sam stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
"Hold on," he told her, "I've just gotten word from my producers that you should be standing by right now with our superfan in," he paused to listen to his earpiece again, "the frigid mountains of Siberia! In other words," he said with a sharp look, "not here." Another bit of sound from the earpiece got his attention, and his eyes went wide. "Wait, we have her on the feed?" he repeated in shock. "What are you waiting for, put her on!"
The audience cheered as the camera panned up to the big-screen, which was now showing mostly snow but with a few hints of an evergreen forest in the background.
"Okay, I hope that's just static," Sam said nervously.
"Looks like a blizzard to me," Blaineley remarked.
A hollow, ominous tune played as the camera focused on the big screen again, and the wary form of Dakota faded into view through the snow. She was wearing a light pink parka with the hood down, leaving her blonde hair to blow out behind her as she shivered.
"Aww man," Sam moaned as the focus moved back to the current hosts, "I can't believe you actually did this! How'd you even pull it off?"
"I just took Dakota to the airport to shoot a special report," Blaineley explained simply as a clip played of her sneaking up behind Dakota while the heiress was distracted by a script and gleefully pulled a sack down over her, "slipped my passport and ticket into her purse," Blaineley was shown tossing the sacked Dakota at the back of an open delivery trunk only for her to bounce off and hit the pavement with a thud, "and helped her on the plane right before take-off!" A third clip showed her heaving the sack into the open door of a small and grimy cargo plane, then sliding the door shut on her then running away with a vicious grin.
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Okay, you pretty much just rocketed up to mid-boss-level evil, y'know?"
"SAM!" Dakota suddenly screamed out through the live feed of her in Siberia.
"Dakota, are you alright?" the gamer asked, looking up with a deeply worried look on his face as a few sharp notes were struck,
"No!" the heiress whined as the feed of her was shown. "There's, like, some kind of bear or something out here, and it's totally eaten one of the interns!" An ominous sliding rumble came from off-camera, and Dakota took one look to her right and cringed. An avalanche of snow crashed down on her, and she barely had time to shriek before the feed cut to static.
The audience and Peanut Gallery gasped. "Ohhh man," Sam said, looking up in panic. "Oh man oh man oh man oh-"
"Snap out of it!" Blaineley said, interrupting him with a sharp slap. "I've got a show to host."
"Of course, because that's the important thing right now," Sam spat, his voice thick with sarcasm. "It's not like Dakota's buried under twenty feet of snow in the middle of Siberia or anything! Honestly, forget what I said about you being the mid-boss, you're totally at the final boss level of evil."
"Meh," Blaineley shrugged as the audience booed her, "I've been called worse."
Sam looked straight at the camera. "Dakota, if you can hear me, I swear by the Sons of Zanthar that I'll get you back on this show, and send Blaineley where she deserves!" He shot a fierce look at the older woman as the crowd went wild, then stormed off stage left past the Peanut Gallery.
"For those of you just joining us," Blaineley said, the camera cutting to her after showing most of the Peanut Gallery glaring in her direction, "welcome to a fresh new installment of Total Drama Aftermath!" She paused to let the audience cheered. "And speaking of stars, I'm your one and only host, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran!"
The applause and music stopped abruptly, and the camera pulled back in to show the unmoved audience. Somebody coughed.
"You're too kind," Blaineley deadpanned as the shot cut back in to her and the background music resumed. "Now let's meet tonight's special guests. She's well-informed and filled with boundless enthusiasm for the show and her fellow contestants, Sierra!" Blaineley lead the applause as the shot cut to the backstage entrance just as Sierra walked out with a smile and a wave; a solitary voice could be heard booing amongst the cheers.
"Next," Blaineley continued, "he's the guy who flirted with, and scored, two girls at once. It's DJ!" Once again she clapped, and once again the camera cut to stage right. The gentle giant walked out on stage with a broad but bashful smile, rubbing the back of his head then waving.
"Our third guest is the zombie-obsessed fan-favorite who got screwed by a team swap, Shawn!" The crowd went absolutely wild at the announcement, but the camera cut to the backstage entrance to show it completely empty. Blaineley pursed her lips in annoyance, then looked to her left with shock as a rope descended next to the Peanut Gallery (to which the first two guests had now joined, DJ next to Lightning and Sierra next to Geoff).
Shawn promptly slid down it to the surprise of everyone nearby, then confidently announced "Okay, the building's clean and undead-free," before taking a seat next to DJ.
Blaineley stared blankly before noticing the camera was back on her and resuming her hosting smile. "And our final loser is on loan from the U.S. military after getting captured in Area 51. Nice of you to finally join us, Scarlett!" She sent an amused look towards the stage right entrance, but the applause was delayed until the audience got a good look at the evil genius.
She was in a straight jacket with a mask over her mouth, strapped tightly to a hand truck being wheeled out on stage by a black male intern in green scrubs. Her eyes narrowed as the crowd cheered, and she was wheeled all the way across the stage and set down on the left side of the Peanut Gallery.
"Speaking of pain," Blaineley told the camera after it moved back to her, "it's time to kick things in the biscuits with a fresh installment of, say it with me, 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark'!"
The music stopped, and nobody said the segment's title with her. The Peanut Gallery was shown looking at her rather blankly, provoking a noise of disgust from Blaineley. "Would it kill you to play along with me?" she told them before looking at the camera in annoyance.
xxx
The segment began with a jaunty whistling sea tune as static cut to Ezekiel and Tyler running across the barren minefield outside of Area 51, carrying the large alien ring they'd grabbed for their challenge. They were making good time but didn't seem to be minding the explosives, which meant they were taken off-guard when Tyler stumbled and they accidentally triggered one with the ring itself. They were sent flying by the resulting explosion, but the ring wasn't damaged as evidenced by it landing over an intern that was taking am empty glass from Chris; the intern was swallowed whole by the alien device, to the shock of Chris, Tyler, and Ezekiel, and to the laughter of the audience.
xxx
The second clip was set in London, and showed Ripper Staci trying to drag a large sack out of the double-decker bus only for it to get stuck in the doorway. To the audience's amusement she tugged and tugged, causing the sack that undoubtedly contained Tyler and Ella to bang and bump against the bus walls over and over again before she finally got it out and it landed on the pavement with a painful thud.
xxx
The jaunty tune ended as the third and final clip began, showing DJ following Ella as they rode emu-back across the Australian Outback. The gentle giant smiled and stoked his mount's head, only for it to look back at him and swallow his own head. The audience laughed as DJ flailed his arms in panic and pain.
xxx
The segment ended there, the scene cutting back to Blaineley at center-stage. "It's time for me to announce our big surprise," she said with an excited look as the laughter died down. A single dramatic beat played as DJ and Shawn shared a wary look, and Blaineley continued. "Tonight, Total Drama Aftermath is holding the very first ever 'Total Drama Second Chance Challenge'!" A grand tune played as an image was shown of a globe and a bag of money against a golden background; a plane flew out and around from behind the globe and stuck into the money bag, which exploded sending dollar bills flying.
The audience cheered, as did the Peanut Gallery. "That's right," Blaineley said, "our motley collection of Total Drama losers just got Total Drama lucky, 'cause they're about to compete for a second shot at that million dollar prize! What do you say, Sierra, you ready to get back on the plane?"
"Oo~ooh, I would love to have another chance!" Sierra squealed excitedly.
"Five of you rejects are about to capture lightning in a bottle," Blaineley said as the camera cut back to her, a pair of male interns – one white and one black – standing by with t-shirt cannons leveled at the Peanut Gallery. "Or in this case, peanuts in a can!"
A few dramatic notes blared as Beth, Beardo, Amy, and Sierra stepped forward ready and eager as the crowd went wild; Lightning barged through them moments later causing them to scatter. Scott accidentally pushed DJ next to Bridgette and Geoff, and the three exchanged a friendly smile.
"Dude, nice job hooking up with two girls at once," the party boy told the brickhouse. "How'd your mom take it?"
"About as good as I figured she would," DJ answered with an awkward laugh. "I still got some convincin' to do..." Geoff nodded at him sagely.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Blaineley announced excitedly, and the two interns opened fire on the teens. The first one hit Scarlett still bound to her hand truck; she promptly fell over on her back. Another can ricocheted off the heads of Scott and Beardo, knocking them back and over before landing in the eager hands of Beth. Jo was shown smirking at one in her hand, and Sierra and Topher had somehow gotten next to each other and were busier trying to interfere with one another than catching the peanut cans, resulting in both getting beaned upside the head. "Most of your cans contain soft nuggets of continued loserdom," Blaineley explained while all this was going on, "aka peanuts. But! Five contain something very special, so crack 'em if you got 'em!"
Jo was the first shown opening her can; she peered close inside then scowled and dumped out the peanuts. "Man, what a rip..."
Bridgette, Geoff, and Shawn were shown emptying their peanuts in disappointment as well, but Lightning was startled when a golden Chris-head sprung out of his can on a spring. "Sha-whoa!" he exclaimed. "The Chris-in-the-Box is dumb, but Lightning ain't complainin'."
"And Lightning's our first to get a second chance at the million!" Blaineley announced, earning another wild cheer from the audience. "One down, four more Chrises to go."
A tense challenge tune began as the cans of Beardo and B were shown to have nothing but peanuts, the beatboxer making a 'sad trombone' sound as he poured the can out. Amy's was also peanut-only and she threw the can down in disgust. Sierra was shown gnawing at her can like a dog, and eventually managed to get the top off revealing the spring-loaded Chris head inside.
"Superfan Sierra is in it to win it," Blaineley said as Sierra squealed excitedly and the crowd cheered again. "Three to go."
Beth also tore the can open with her teeth but hers had only peanuts. Topher was next, picking the papery top open with his fingernails and grinning in delight at the Chris-head that popped out. "And Topher is back too," Blaineley announced, Topher grinning cheekily at the audience and Sierra huffing and crossing her arms.
Scott was next; he held the can at arms length as he cracked it, then raised an eyebrow as nothing popped out. He brought it closer to his face so he could look inside, and promptly took a Chris-head to the eye that made him yelp in pain and drop the can.
"Interesting technique," Blaineley told him, the three who'd already been chosen standing nearby with Lightning separating the two long-time rivals. "Come on up here, Scott!" she waved to the farmer, who slumped across the stage holding his eye. "Wait, there's still one spot left!" Blaineley announced. "Who hasn't opened their can?"
A mysterious tune played as the camera panned over the Peanut Gallery, who'd returned to their seats after opening their dud cans and were now looking at each other in confusion.
Until a sharp throat clearing drew everyone's attention to the far side of the gallery, or rather the person still lying behind it. "I assume that would be me," Scarlett said sharply as the audience gasped. "Could somebody open the last can and get this over with?"
Jo promptly and without hesitation one-arm shoved Amy out of her seat and onto the unseen part of the floor that Scarlett was lying on, earning pained grunts from both girls. "Uggh, fine," Amy said, standing up and dusting her clothes off before bending over to both lean Scarlett's hand truck back upright and pick up the last can. She opened it with a scowl, and nobody was surprised when the Chris head sprung out though a reverent tune did begin to play in the background.
"Excellent," Scarlett said, her tone suggesting a grin behind her mask.
"The evil genius is our fifth and final challenger," Blaineley announced while the audience hesitantly applauded. "Let's give her a hand! By which I mean somebody bring her over here." Amy rolled her eyes but grabbed the handles of the supervillain's hand truck all the same. "What would a bunch of losers be without one who can't even move, right Scarlett?" Blaineley asked as the bound villainess was wheeled over.
"Very funny," Scarlett answered dryly.
Blaineley laughed and put a finger to her own ear piece. "Oh man...seems like our frigid flunky Dakota's alive and ready to report!" she announced, the camera pulling back to get the widescreen in the shot. "So Dakota," Blaineley asked as the pink-clad heiress appeared on-screen, "I bet you're wishing you had some latin warmth right now, huh?"
It was then that Sam dashed back out on stage, out of breath and filled with concern. "Dakota, tell me you're okay!" he asked.
"Th-the superfan is, like, super mad I'm not Blaineley," she explained through chattering teeth. A white-furred baby seal was thrown over her head just then, causing her to quickly duck and gasp. "Umm, rude!" she shot off-screen to the left. "Would you stop throwing things at me?" A sausage hit her at the stomach, but she just grabbed it and threw it back.
"What does the superfan want?" Sam asked.
"Is he hot?" Blaineley added. "And if he is, more or less so than Alejandro?"
"That doesn't matter now or ever," Sam told her in annoyance before turning his attention back towards the television. "Don't worry, I'll do whatever it takes to get you back! There's gotta be some way!"
"Boyfriend and Drama to Drama sing traditional Russian song of Blaineley," a nasally and Russian-accented male voice suggested from off-screen.
"Awww," Blaineley cooed, "tell my superfan that I think he's super fantastic!"
Sam groaned and palmed his face before turning to the Peanut Gallery. "What do you say, guys, you with me?" the gamer asked, earning thumbs-up from Beardo and B.
"This oughta be a fate-sealer," Blaineley remarked to the camera.
~/~
[The camera switched to a close-up of an accordion as Beardo began to play, a few other instruments joining together into a very Russian tune. The shot pulled back to show the beatboxer in his stage clothes, joined as the camera panned right by Sasquatchanakwa on balalaika, B on tuba, and Topher on his usual tambourine; all four were wearing ushankas with the flaps pinned up in addition to their stage clothes. Blaineley grinned and nodded in excitement as Sam popped up in front of the camera wearing an ushanka of his own.]
"It's time a certain someone got a long-awaited ode,"
[Sam sang with fake cheer, Blaineley happily chiming in with "Oh yeah!" before the gamer took a step back to her side.]
"So it's up to me now to inform you she's a toad!"
[Blaineley happiness slowly faded as Sam sung his next line, his voice becoming more hateful until he spat the last word, earning a shocked "What?!" from the song subject.]
"She looks down upon the rest of us and thinks that she's elite,"
[He adopted a haughty looking-down-his-nose look as he strutted across the stage, ending with a sharp glance back at Blaineley before he reached the stage left edge.]
"But without the help of her entourage, she'd be on the street!"
[He motioned to three white people standing together nearby and bobbing to the rhythm of the accordion; on the left was a skinny man holding a blow dryer with a sweater tied around his neck; in the middle was a fat man with a faint beard and a pale blue flowery shirt, his hand on the first man' shoulder; on the right was a young woman with a ponytail and a hair brush. All three had deep bags under their eyes and were linked together by a ball and chain.
As one they chorused "Hey!" at the end of Sam's line.
"Hey!" Blaineley repeated excitedly before realizing what had been sung and repeating "Heeeyyy...," more worriedly.]
"She forced her way onto our stage, but not into our hearts;"
[Sam continued, moving over to the Peanut Gallery – Beth, DJ, and Shawn were currently in the top row while Jo, Bridgette, and Geoff were in the bottom. The gamer's attention was currently on Geoff, the party-lover nodding in agreement and smiling in amusement. Sam deftly slid between the rows for his next line, which was addressed in an almost conspiratorial tone to Beth, who giggled at what he sang next.]
"She's absolutely full of it, so be careful of her-"
["Whoa! No need to go there!" Blaineley interrupted, temporarily stopping the music as Sam mocking held his nose.]
"...farts!"
[The gamer gave her a scathing look, then forcefully finished his line at the same moment the off-screen entourage repeated their chorus of "Hey!"]
"She'll make you think she's on your side, and your foes she will disgrace,"
[Sam suddenly popped up behind Blaineley, grabbing her by the arm and swinging her into the guest couch while he took up a spot at the close edge of the host couch, leaning over and singing to her with a fake but sweet smile.]
"Then when she has the dirt she wants, she'll mock you to your face!"
[His smile abruptly changed to a frown and he slowly raised his right hand, causing Blaineley to grow nervous. He snapped his fingers on 'face', causing an anvil to suddenly drop. Blaineley managed to dodge away in time for both the crash and the repeated chorus of "Hey!" from her entourage.]
"She's not the girl you think she is, so let me tell you plainly;"
[Sam continued, launching into a few kazachok moves as he circled around the central table in front of the host couch back to Blaineley.]
"There's thick black hair between her toes, and her real name isn't Blaineley!"
[Just as she'd gotten back on her feet she was thrown off balance again as Sam reached down and held up a bare foot of hers, revealing the nasty hairs and overgrown toenails. "Hey!" the entourage chorused.]
"She's a lying, scheming, terror-host, and her ego is ungainly,"
[Sam continued, doing a few more kazachok moves as he danced around her then moved off-screen stage right and she frantically shoved her foot back into her shoe.]
"It's hard to tell what she's faked the most, but her real name isn't Blaineley~!"
[The gamer reappeared amongst the band, showing up first behind Beardo and Sasquatchanakwa before moving over to B and Topher, then back to Blaineley to get in her extremely worried face.]
"It's Mildred!" he announced, the woman's eyes going wide with shock and embarrassment at the same time as the entourage gave one last chorus of "Hey!" which Sam repeated himself a second later.
~/~
The crowd cheered, and Blaineley looked positively horrified as Sam left her side. "Hey Dakota, how'd I do?" he asked, looking up at the widescreen with a cocky look that quickly faded into horror. With an upwelling on ominous music, the Siberian feed was shown again revealing a large bear growling at the camera in the foreground, Dakota crouching in fear behind it. The bear slammed the camera with its claw, and the feed cut to static.
The audience and Peanut Gallery gasped. "Dakota!" Sam called out in horror.
"Great song choice for a Blaineley superfan, Einstein," the older woman told him.
"Yeah, that looked like a Siberian Brown Bear," Shawn spoke up hesitantly. "I hate to say it, but Dakota might be doomed."
"Great, now Dakota's doomed thanks to you!" Sam told Blaineley.
"You sang it, not me!" Blaineley retorted.
"Yeah, but you're the reason she's even there in the first place!" Sam countered angrily. "And don't think for a second that you're gonna get away with this," he added. "I'm gonna take you down faster than I took down the final boss of Dragon Invasion 5."
The remark earned enough of an 'Ooh' from the audience to make Blaineley nervous as Sam walked away. "Hey, you don't have to be so serious," she tried to tell him in an almost joking manner. "I'm sure she'll be fine!" The Aftermath theme began to play, and she laughed nervously then looked at the camera. "Someone's about to get another shot at the Total Drama million!" she said. "Find out who next, on Total Drama Aftermayhem!"
The crowd went wild, and a stage light suddenly fell on Blaineley's head. The title transitioned the episode to black.
(Fade to Commercial and Back)
A brief flare from the title was accompanied by the Aftermath theme and the roar of the crowd as the episode resumed.
"Welcome back to Total Drama Aftermayhem!" Blaineley greeted, the main theme getting replaced by a trendier tune. The shot pulled back to show Topher, Scott, Lightning, and Sierra waiting next to her. "One of these five Total Drama rejects," Blaineley began as the camera cut to Amy grudgingly wheeling Scarlett up to the rest of the group, "is about to win our second chance challenge and go back into the big game for another shot at the million!" She was rather more excited about it than any of the five chosen players.
"So what is the challenge?" she asked. "Think Total Drama: The Board Game!" An aerial shot panned across the board, consisting of four identical rows of spaces marked with either the face of a remaining player or a flag representing one of the recent locations – the order of the spaces shown was Alejandro, Area 51, Australia, Ezekiel, Greece, Sugar, Dawn, Sammy, Sweden, and Tyler with the remaining spaces left unseen.
"Wow, a board game huh?" Topher remarked. "Those haven't been popular for decades, Blaineley. You're really showing your age!"
"Probably all that foot hair getting to her," Scott added with a smirk.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Blaienely said irritably before putting her smile back on and a light yet subtly mysterious tune began to play. "Besides, this is no ordinary board game. The failures, that's you guys," she said as the camera cut aside to show the five players and Amy looking unamused, "take turns rolling the dice and hop your way along the game board." She held up a large six-sided dice, then looked down at the board on the floor in front of them. "But roll carefully, 'cause some of the squares are booby-trapped!"
"Each square represents either a Final Seven player," she added as the camera zoomed in on the Alejandro spot that started off the rows, "or, one of the last five places the Total Drama plane dumped 'em." The camera began to pan rightwards, eventually revealing the last two squares as Ella and the flag of England. "Every square has a mini-challenge you'll have to complete," she said as the camera reached the end of the line, "before you roll again."
"Fail, and you're out of the running," Blaineley explained as the shot briefly cut back to her pointing a thumb back over her shoulder. "Get past this twelfth square," she continued as the camera cut back to the English flag before panning right even more to a pair of boots and then up over a familiar-looking guard, "to face this guard and his final skill-testing question. First to answer correctly wins! You guys ready to play?" She asked the question with a sly confidence as the camera cut back to her.
"Huh huh huh, always," the familiar chuckle of Sam came as the gamer walked out on stage behind Blaineley. "And right now I'm playing to win."
"Shouldn't you be catching the next flight to Siberia right about now?" Blaineley turned around and taunted.
"Huh huh, nope!" Sam replied. "I called Dakota's dad, he'll get her out of there. I just needed to prep some things to give you a taste of your own medicine before we start the challenge." He put a finger to his ear piece, then added "Roll it, man!"
"Wh-what's going on?" Blaineley asked in rising panic.
"Well," Sam explained, "since you're so big on humiliating everyone with clips of them at their worst, I figured I'd return the favor. And luckily for us, you never noticed the green room cam is on 24/7, huh huh."
"What? No! NOOOO!" Blaineley exclaimed in horror.
"Yup," Sam jovially countered. "Score another point for the real hosts," he told the camera, "and give it up for 'Blaineley's Greatest Hits'!"
The camera followed his motion up to the widescreen as the audience applauded, and a cheery tune opened the segment along with an image of Blaineley looking completely haggard with deep bags under her eyes, hair utterly out of place, and face contorted into an ugly grimace.
xxx
The first clip began with a close-up of a piece of pizza that Blaineley was holding. She promptly dropped it onto the green room floor, earning a few laughs from the audience as a playful version of Strauss' 'The Blue Danube' began in the background.
Quickly looking around to see that nobody was looking, Blaineley bent over and picked up the fallen slice. The audience gave a collective 'Ewww' as the camera zoomed in, showing that it had been covered by hairs, nail clippings, a used bandage, a fly and spider, and smelly lump of something disgustingly brown.
Blaineley swallowed the entire slice whole without flinching, earning another murmur of disgust from the audience.
xxx
The second clip opened with her sitting on the couch reading a magazine. She turned the page, then casually stuck a finger up her nose, rooted around for a couple seconds, then withdrew a thick and disgusting booger.
She shoved it in her mouth without even thinking about it, earning yet another cry of disgust from those watching.
xxx
The third and final clip started with a close-up of one of her feet, hairs and overgrown toenails and all. The camera zoomed out as Blaineley tried to put one of her shoes back on from a standing position; she eventually crouched down in order to force it, but as soon as she did she lost her balance and fell over.
The shoe immediately shot off her foot, ricocheting off the camera and cracking the lens.
xxx
The clips cut to static as the audience laughed, and the scene moved back to Blaineley's horrified look on stage.
Sam chuckled, drawing the camera back to him, and he said "Man, you'd be right at home with the cave trolls from Wizards Wars 4, or even Wizard Wars 3!"
"It's amazing what editors can do with special effects and body doubles," Blaineley said in an awkward attempt at humor. Almost nobody laughed, and those who did seemed to be doing it more at Blaineley than with her. She stifled her anger, then picked up the dice as a few dramatic notes played. "Hurry," she told Lightning as she thrust the dice into his arms, "we're running late 'cause of that fake clip."
"Wow, hey, would you look at that, we are running late!" Sam taunted, exaggeratedly looking at his watch. "Good thing that doesn't really matter to anyone here..."
"Haha, yeah...," Blaineley said nervously.
"Oh yeah!" Sam said as though having a sudden realization. "Didn't you say something about how you don't get paid if the show runs over time or something?"
"No, we don't get paid," Blaineley corrected sharply.
Sam shrugged. "Sorry, but I'm kinda having trouble caring."
"Back to the stupid game," Blaineley said irritably. "You're up, Brightning!"
"Sha-finally!" the uber-jock said as the shot zoomed out to show him already in position at the starting line for the top row of the board. "Alright dice, roll high for the Lightning! Sha-roll!" He shook the oversized die a few times, then tossed it onto the game board as the audience cheered.
It landed on 1.
"Dang...," Lightning griped as he took a single step forward onto Alejandro's square.
"Huhuh, looks like you got the Alejandro challenge," Sam chuckled as hurdles were dropped onto every other space in front of Lightning.
"All you have to do is clear all six of these hurdles," Blaineley explained as the camera panned across the hurdles.
"Easy!" Lightning said confidently as the shot snapped back to him.
"Except you gotta do it all on your hands," Sam added with a light chuckle.
"What?" the athlete said in surprise.
"You heard me, man," Sam said. "You can have a bit of a run-up, but your feet can't touch the ground from start to finish. If you can do it-"
He was cut off by an impatient Blaineley's hand over his mouth. "You're still in the game!" she told him quickly before dashing over to him and pushing him back so he could get his run-up. "Now hurry up!" she added as the camera showed a close-up of his hands being placed on the stage floor. The shot pulled back to show him standing in a wobbly upside-down position, focusing primarily on keeping himself balanced.
"Okay, you have sixty seconds, go!" Blaineley hurriedly told him, and the camera zoomed in dramatically as Lightning grinned and took off. A fast-paced tune started to play as he ran forward on his hands, the crowd cheering as he jumped over the first hurdle. They cheered again as he cleared the second hurdle, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, growing more confident with each jump he successfully made. So confident, in fact, that for the sixth and final hurdle he decided to show off by launching himself into a flying somersault, which he easily landed. On his feet.
"Oooh," the crowd winced along with Sam and Blaineley, Lightning proud grin quickly dissolving into confusion at the reaction he'd gotten.
"Sorry man," Sam told him slowly and apologetically enough that Blaineley cut him off again.
"Landing on your feet means you lost your challenge!" she said, dragging him back away from the board.
"Seriously?" the uber-jock protested. "Lightning thought that rule only applied while he was runnin'!"
"Too bad so sad," Blaineley told him, swinging him around and pushing him off-screen. "Sierra, you're up!"
"Woohoo!" Sierra cheered as she dashed over to the starting line and raised the die over her head. "C'mon, momma needs a new spot on that plane!" she said as she violently shook it, then slammed it down onto the board. It landed on 4. "Woo! Four!" she cheered.
"You're only a third of the way there, don't get too excited!" Topher taunted, to which she looked back and blew a raspberry at him.
"Okay, step right on up to the Zeke square," Sam told her jovially, "but hey, there's no-" she immediately zipped over with a wide grin on her face, "-rush," Sam finished with a heavy sigh.
"Yes there is!" Blaineley countered, quickly putting herself between Sierra and the gamer. "Your challenge is to translate this previously unaired sound byte said in a foreign language by Ezekiel at some point on the plane. Roll the clip!" she hollered off-stage, and all focus moved to the widescreen as it displayed a single-line spectrogram.
"Eímai polý kalós sto pétagma, eh," the familiar voice of Ezekiel said.
A tense tune began as the focus moved back to Sierra, Blaineley, and Sam. "Okay, you've got forty-five seconds!" Blaineley said hurriedly.
"Hmm...," Sierra said, rubbing her chin in thought. "I don't know the language, but he sounds tired yet proud of himself meaning he's probably just won a challenge. Considering all the languages he knows, that means it's most likely right after he won the tiebreaker in Greece. In those situations Ezekiel tends to brag, so I'm guessing it's something like 'I'm really good at flying, eh.'" She looked up at the hosts hopefully.
"And the answer is...," Sam said, drawing out the tension before Blaineley interrupted once again.
"Correct!" she announced to a round of applause and a squeal of excitement from Sierra.
"Pfft, lucky guess," Topher muttered bitterly. Sierra blew another raspberry at him.
"Alright, up next is our resident evil mastermind, Scarlett!" Blaineley announced calmly. "Amy, if you'd be so kind?"
The camera moved to the rather annoyed cheerleader who was still stuck wheeling Scarlett around. She parked the captive genius at the starting line, then grumbled as she picked up the oversized dice.
"Okay," Scarlett told her through her mask, "in order to maximize the chances of a six, you should-"
"Whatever," Amy grunted, tossing the dice onto the board without ceremony. It landed on a 5. "Let's just get this over with," she added as she grabbed the hand truck's handles and wheeled Scarlett forward.
"While you did end up rolling high," Scarlett told her unwilling attendant, "I would prefer it if you actually listened to my instructions."
"Uggh, this better end quickly," Amy muttered as she pushed Scarlett onto the Greek flag square, which promptly revealed itself as a trapdoor and dropped Scarlett through the stage with an angry yell. "Okay, that works!" Amy said brightly as the audience cheered.
"Well then, one less player means we can pick up the pace," Blaineley smirked. "Thanks Amy, you can hit the gallery," she motioned for the cheerleader to move off stage right. "I think there's an empty seat beside your ex-boytoy."
Amy huffed, then went to take a seat on the couch next to Lightning. They spent a second or two in awkward silence before Amy finally spoke up. "Soooo...," she said, rolling her eyes and turning a flirtatious smile his way.
"Not. Interested," Lightning told her without so much as a single glance, causing Amy to huff and cross her arms, her face settling into a glare.
"Okay Scott, your roll," Blaineley told the scowling farmer who was waiting at the starting line with an impatient Topher.
Scott tossed the dice, and it came up 2. "Great," he said as he walked onto the designated square as the audience cheered.
"Area 51!" Blaineley confirmed.
"Alright soldier, listen up," Sam told him. "Your mission is to dodge some carefully-aimed lasers without breaking contact with the square," he explained as odd mechanical towers were lowered down on either side of him, each of which had what looked like a column of opening where lasers could be shot from. Scott was immediately nervous. "If you don't, a pair of alien facehoggers-" a pair of the floating leaf-shaped aliens that had been seen in the Black Box warehouse appeared next to the farmer, scaring him even more.
"-will not so much hog your face as they will squeeze the life out of it," Blaineley finished. "Ready, and-"
"Whoa, can't I do something else?" Scott asked quickly, eying the aliens warily.
"Not if you want to die," Blaineley said sharply. "Go!'
A trendy electronic tune began to play as lasers shot out one by one, going from a hole in one tower to a hole in the other one. Scott was surprisingly adept at dodging them just in time, though he was looking more and more frantic with each one.
"Huh huh, who knew Scott could move like that?" Sam chuckled from the sidelines before Scott was shown dodging again, several of the positions he had to force himself into being reminiscent of various dance moves.
"Wow, are you available for birthday parties?" Blaineley added, almost impressed. Scott was shown dodging two lasers at once now, and some of his dodges started to resemble kazachok moves. "Hey, we should've had him do the dancing for the song earlier," Blaineley remarked.
The lasers kept coming quicker and quicker, and despite his best efforts Scott was eventually zapped in the back of the neck causing him to yelp and jump off the square. The two aliens immediately moved towards him, causing the farmer to yell and flee off-screen. "Aaaaagh! Get these things away from me!" he screamed, flailing his arms in panic as he ran back across the screen. He disappeared from the camera's line of sight for a few seconds, then ran back across to the right with the aliens now attached to his head. Still screaming, he ran off-screen again and promptly crashed into something.
"Enjoy your facial!" Blaineley taunted.
"Hey, looks like it's down to just Sierra and Topher now," Sam remarked, the camera pulling out from him to show Sierra standing back in her spot on the game board and exchanging a glare with Topher, who had picked up the dice. "Roll away, man!" Sam told him.
"With pleasure!" Topher replied, the crowd cheering as he tossed the die onto the game board. It rolled halfway down the board, and landed on the highest number possible.
"Six!" Sam called out, the camera zoomed in on the dice on top of the pageant queen's face as Topher casually walked over.
"The Sugar square!" Blaineley added, the shot pulling back to show the two hosts and two contestants. "Your challenge is to create a haiku...whatever that is."
"It's a three-line Japanese poem," Sam explained offhandedly. "Seventeen syllables total, five-seven-five."
"Well aren't you a know-it-all," Blaineley told him.
He shrugged. "What can I say, it comes up every now and then in JRPGs. Anyway," he turned back to Topher, "what with this being the Sugar square and all, your haiku has to be about an aspect of beauty pageant star Sugar's, uh, beauty."
"Hmm," Topher said, rubbing his chin in thought, "this is tricky..."
"More like impossible," Sierra corrected haughtily, still standing nearby with her hands on her hips. "But that just means I'm going to win!"
Topher snorted. "As if."
"Okay, let's get this challenge going," Blaineley said hurriedly. "You have ten seconds, starting now!" The ticking of a clock started in the background.
With a quick glance at his rival, Topher smiled mischievously before clearing his throat. "A glorious shine; I can see my face in them; Sugar's pageant shoes," he recited calmly.
The clock dinged, and the crowd cheered. "Hey, nice job!" Sam congratulated him. "You pass the challenge, meaning you're still in the running for a second chance."
"Let's go peeps," Blaineley interrupted in a rush, "quick like bunnies! Sierra, you're up." The shot cut over to Sierra, her lips pursed in annoyance as she threw the oversized die down on the board. A close-up showed it landing on 3, and Blaineley announced "The Dawn square!" as Sierra walked up along her row, sticking her tongue out at Topher as she passed him. She stopped on the seventh square, and gave Blaineley and Sam an expectant look.
"Your challenge is to balance on one foot on top of this pole," Blaineley said, the camera following her hand motion to Sierra's feet as a small section of stage shot up on a tall pole. A short but dramatic tune played as the fangirl rapidly rose up, stopping just below the stage lights.
"All you gotta do is stay in position up there for twenty seconds!" Sam explained loudly. "Timer starts once you're ready!"
The camera immediately quick-panned up to Sierra, who was shakily standing on one foot. "Ready!" she hesitantly called out.
"Let's get this challenge over with," Blaineley said, nodding off-screen. The ticking clock began again, and the studio and background music became tense.
"You're a creepy hack and nobody likes you!" Topher immediately shouted up at his rival.
"Lalala, I'm not listening!" Sierra said, the shot cutting upwards to show her closing her eyes and staying balanced quite nicely.
"Your blogs are only a fad, you'll be lucky to get even a single hit a year from now!" Topher added.
"Still not listening!" Sierra repeated, eyes still clenched shut but with anger still visible on her face. At last the timer dinged and the crowd cheered, signaling that she'd finished her challenge. The pole began to retract into the stage, but part of the way down Sierra jumped off and landed on Topher, pinning the boy to the stage. "Oops!" she giggled maliciously.
"Okay, Topher's turn, go go go!" Blaineley said, rushing forward impatiently to pull Topher out from under his rival, then shove the dice into his arms. Topher quickly shook away the daze, then rolled the dice with a smile.
It landed on 6, and he pumped his fist. "Oh yeah! The Topher scores another perfect six!" He turned and gave his rival a cocky grin. "Looks like you lose!" he taunted, earning a huff in return before walking forward to the final square.
Blaineley quickly stepped behind him and pushed him along, then gave him a burlap sack. "Quickly now, use the sack and capture the intern who's dressed like Jack the Ripper," she said, pulling a white male intern into the shot who was wearing most of Staci's costume from London, though the mask wasn't pulled on all the way. He waved awkwardly, then pulled the mask down to complete his look.
"Drag him over to Sergeant Beefy here to get the skill-testing question," Blaineley said after running over to the English guard. "Forty-five seconds, go!"
A dramatic challenge tune began as Topher donned a confident grin. "Well my man, I hope you're ready for the Topher Experience!" The Intern-Ripper trembled nervously, then turned and ran. Topher was right on his tail, the sack raised threateningly high. "Aww, come on! Don't be like that!" he taunted, chasing the Ripper across the stage, circling around Blaineley and the guard, then running back past Sam. Topher chased his quarry off-camera, and shortly after a crash was heard from off-stage.
Sam's blank look became a smile as he put a finger to his ear piece and said "Cool! The satellite feed is back up!"
The camera zoomed out to show him standing next to an artsy widescreen anchored to the ground; the static on its screen quickly cut away to a close-up of a roaring bearing. "Well that's not what I wanted to see right now," Sam said in shock.
The image from the satellite feed pulled back as the bear finished what ended up being a rather pitiful roar, revealing that Dakota was wrapping bandages around its left front paw.
"Huh, didn't take her as an animal lover," Blaineley commented as she walked up next to Sam.
"Sorry, Sam," the heiress turned to tell the camera, "but I so cannot turn down an opportunity for good publicity like this. Besides, Bruno's a total cutie once you get to know him and I'd feel bad just leaving before he's better!" She shared a warm smile with the bear and patted it on the head.
"But what about the show?" Sam asked in dull shock. "It needs you! I need you! I can't keep doing this with just Blaineley!" He motioned to his unwanted cohost with a look of disgust, and Dakota looked up at the camera filming her just as its feed cut to static. "No!" Sam exclaimed, reaching out at the widescreen in vain before slumping.
He sighed, then turned around and frowned at Blaineley. "I hope you realize-" he began to say before Blaineley interrupted him again.
"-this means war?" Blaineley finished, unimpressed and unaware of the building dramatic score. "Yeah, well it's a little late for that, gamer boy. Your threats don't-"
It was Blaineley's turn to be interrupted, this time by a Ripper-filled sack being tossed at her at the background music peaked. The captured intern on top of her gave her a sheepish look which she returned with a scowl, and Topher sauntered up to them with a cocky grin on his face.
"Well would you look at that, Topher does it again!" he said, winking at the cheering audience. "So what's my final question?" he asked, idly watching as the Ripper-intern stood up and ran away.
"Hey, nice shot man," Sam told Topher. "Glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to see her get what she deserves."
"Thanks, I try," Topher replied proudly.
"Whatever," Blaineley spat as she stood up and quickly brushed herself off. "No time! Read the question!" she said, pointing an angry finger at the guard behind her.
The old man opened his eyes in what almost looked like panic, then started patting himself down looking for the question. After a few seconds with Blaineley scowling impatiently at him he finally raised a finger in realization, then lifted his hat and retrieved the note card from under it.
He slowly cleared his throat in preparation, but Blaineley gave an impatient grunt and swiped the card away from him. "What's the name and exact relation of Staci's relative that was featured on the last Aftermath?" she quickly turned and asked Topher.
"Hmm...," Topher said, tapping his chin dramatically.
"Come on, it's easy!" Blaineley told him frantically.
"Yeah, but it's so hard to think knowing that you might get fired if you blow up on stage again, and then I'll get to fill in as cohost while Dakota's gone!" Topher answered with an impish shrug.
"Come on, Topher, just say it's Staci's second cousin's Uncle Borys!" Blaineley snapped in frustration. "Her second cousin's Uncle Borys is the answer!"
A single, ominous ding heralded a round of cheering from the audience accented with a few party noisemakers, and accompanied by a shower of celebratory confetti and balloons. "What?!" Blaineley asked, looking up in shock and rising horror.
Sam looked up as well, then grinned upon realizing what had happened. "Would you look at that, Blaineley, you've won!" he said, darting forward to shake her hand while Topher watched excitedly. "You were the first person to answer the final question correctly, meaning you've earned yourself a one-way ticket to the Total Drama Jumbo Jet! Congratulations!" The celebration died down as Sam spoke, and a tense tune rose up in the background music.
"Me?" Blaineley repeated in shock. "Out there? With those...those...those losers?" she stammered in rising anger. "Forget it! No one can make me go! No one!"
A dramatic chord was struck as Blaineley abruptly stopped and nervously looked around. The camera pulled back to reveal that three male interns had surrounded her – a black one in front was tapping a baseball bat menacingly in his hands, a white one behind her had a length of rope at the ready, and the former Ripper stood in the background holding the sack.
"Except maybe them," Blaineley meekly told the camera before running off between the two white interns, all three giving chase. Sounds of a struggle were heard the moment the four left the shot.
The audience cheered, and the Aftermath theme began to play as Sam stepped forward. "And that's our show, everybody!" he said. "Dakota won't be back for a while, but fortunately for us neither will Blaineley."
He paused as the three interns came back into view, two of them carrying Blaineley tied up in a sack and the former Ripper hauling a large pule of luggage. "Let go!" Blaineley protested. "I have no chance! They'll edit me into some kind of shrill rude catty monster!" Both Sam and Topher did nothing but smile and wave as she was carried past.
"Next time, we'll-" Sam continued before Topher stepped in front of him.
"-we'll be coming to live from our top secret finale location!" the wannabe host finished with great enthusiasm, earning an annoyed look from Sam.
"To give you an amazing sneak peek at all the carnage in store for our Final Two!" Sam continued, forcing himself into the front once more.
"Oh ho ho, it's gonna be brutal!" Topher said, eagerly rubbing his hands together as he stepped in front of Sam again.
"Right here on Total," Sam said, putting an arm out in front of Topher, giving him a look, and stepping forward so that they were side-by-side.
"Drama," Topher said, briefly meeting Sam's eyes before grinning at the camera.
"Aftermath!" the two boys said together to a wild round of applause.
Topher was tackled by Sierra moments later, and Sam palmed his face as they began to struggle off-camera.
(Fade to Credits)
Author's Note - Post Script
And there you have it, folks! Just like in canon, Blaineley has entered the game as a contestant. I'll admit I did give some consideration into other choices that you readers suggested, especially Topher since he was already gonna be the one asked the final question, but ultimately it wasn't really a close decision. Blaineley's impatience leading to her humiliating exit from the Aftermath is a great end to her arc as a host, and she happens to be the best suited to enter the game and stir things up for several reasons I won't go into yet. If you're skeptical, then I guess I have no choice but to ask you to trust me on this one.
That aside, as I said before, this chapter isn't too different from canon. The plot is the same, meaning I have to rely on the different characters to carry things. I actually really enjoyed the focus on Sam as a host, he's got a different feel and sense of humor than Geoff did. And then we have Topher and Sierra, Scarlett and Amy and Lightning, Scott, and Shawn added to the mix as well. Plus confirmation of Scarlett's fate (even if it isn't really expounded upon), as well as some hints about Momma DJ's reaction to her son's love life.
All in all I think it's a fairly enjoyable chapter despite being so similar to canon. I'm as eager as always to here all of your thoughts, however, so I'll see you all next week!
- Fangren
Appendix: TSWT Eliminated Contestants
Staci - (RETURNED)
Beardo - (17th Place)
Lightning - (16th Place)
Dawn - (Quit Unofficially | RETURNED)
Bridgette - (15th Place)
Geoff - (14th Place)
Scott - (13th Place | Disqualified)
Scarlett - (12th Place)
Sierra - (11th Place)
DJ - (10th Place)
Shawn - (9th Place)
Staci - (8th Place)