CHAPTER 3
Fire
Each day passes faster than the next, and I am still no closer to figuring out what it is exactly that I should say. I have made no other attempts to write anything down as I have quickly realised that this is a futile exercise. Peeta has carefully watched some of the other live broadcasts with me since the night I saw Gale, but he has made no other appearance and I am relieved inside. I have one final night to think about things but I don't hold out much hope of anything being different in the morning. Peeta hasn't spoken to me about the tour, but I know that he is deliberately trying for my sake not to bring up Gale. I smile at Peeta who sits on the edge of my bed. He knows that I will have trouble sleeping tonight and has offered to stay with me until I am asleep, and I have selfishly allowed him to. My need tonight is too great. I feel my past all around me and the haunting images from the years gone by are closing in on me. When I feel Peeta's hand in mine, and the comforting way he strokes my hair when my eyes are closed, I have a shield around me through which nothing bad can penetrate.
/
This tour so far has gone well. I can be proud of the way that there hasn't been a security hitch from the Capitol right to District 11. I have exceeded all expectations so far and the President herself has praised me personally for my work. I have one final test tonight which promises to be the hardest. Not just because this is the home of the infamous Mockingjay, but because I am coming back to face my past for one evening.
As District 12 nears, I smell home. I know I'm there before the tall trees come into view. I watch from the window as they come nearer and the train rolls in slowly, gradually coming to a halt at the station. The ride over here from District 11 hasn't taken very long as these old Capitol trains had been built to travel fast. I don't think I've been on this train as long as an hour, which is supposedly the journey time. I pick up my small bag and head to the door with my three other colleagues. I take a moment to compose myself before I exit onto the platform. I feel a wave of nostalgia crash over me as I set foot onto the ground of District 12 for the first time in two years. I don't know what I was expecting to feel but whatever it was, this feeling surpasses it in volumes. I have missed my home more than I knew.
'Soldier Hawthorne'
I am greeted by a short man dressed in a grey uniform who extends his hand to me, 'Welcome to District 12. I am Commander Shanks. I shall show you to your quarters'.
I shake his hand and thank him, before I and my colleagues follow him outside. The station is exactly the same as I remember it, and so are the streets outside. Not that I ever had much opportunity to visit the station before. That same air with the slight mixed smell of bark and coal fills my nose and I feel that longing which has never died to be in the woods rise inside me painfully.
'You'll be based approximately a mile away from the old Victor's Village', says Commander Shanks, 'Once we arrive, you'll be briefed. The President is due to arrive at seven sharp'.
'Yes, sir', I say.
We walk for a good twenty minutes before finally coming to a stop outside a large building which has been turned into an army base. It is occupied by soldiers usually based in District 12 who oversee the daily running of things. We enter and I am taken straight in to see the head of operations here. He is an elderly man with silvery white hair. He regards me sternly as I stand before him. He doesn't introduce himself but I see from the plaque on his desk that his name is Sergeant Omery.
'Soldier Hawthorne, your job tonight will be slightly different than it has been in the other districts. The President will be flanked by enough guards here so you will be required for something just as important'.
'Yes sir'. I await his instructions.
'You will be responsible for providing security for tonight's guest of honour, Miss. Everdeen'.
I have to fight so hard to retain my poise as his words echo in my ears. I cannot reject this command and say no, as this is my profession and I must behave accordingly.
'Your first job will be to go personally to see Miss. Everdeen and ensure that she is fully aware of tonight's schedule. She will be making her speech just before the President so her security should be paramount', he continues.
I nod.
'You will personally escort Miss. Everdeen to and from the venue with as little disruption as possible to proceedings. You will also be accompanied by Soldier Hayes who will be under your supervision'.
'Yes, sir', I manage.
'On a personal note, I understand you were once friends with Miss. Everdeen, is that correct?'
'Yes, sir'.
'Good. So there won't be any problems, Soldier Hawthorne?'
'No, sir', I promise.
When I am given leave and get to my room, I find I have to sit down quickly as my legs don't feel as though they can hold my weight. I go over to the faucet and splash water across my face. My stomach has twisted into so many knots that I can't imagine how they will ever come undone. I wonder how she will take this. Maybe she will spare me and request someone else to look after her. Without doubt, this will be the hardest task I have had since I joined this cause. I would rather throw myself into heavy combat than face the task I have been given tonight. I have just enough time to shower and change before it is time to leave for the Victor's Village where I am told she lives. I steady my nerves and head out.
/
I am panicking. It is almost five and there are only three hours before I am due on that stage in front of thousands. Peeta has helped me to choose a dress, selecting a plain satin black one which I think makes me look older than I am. It has thin straps for sleeves and stops just at my knees. I don't want to appear too dressy but Peeta has assured me that his holds just the right level of class and modesty for me. I have swept my hair to one side and it is held in place by a shimmering silver pin. On my feet I wear black satin matching pumps. I have a huge wardrobe but I have never worn anything in it. This is the first occasion that I have had to attend since my Mockingjay days. I tend to avoid any public events. Most days I lounge around in my most casual clothes and don't care much for all the dresses sent to me from the Capitol. As I look at myself in the mirror, I can't help but think of my dear friend, Cinna. How he would have loved to be here to dress me up. He would have made me look beautiful, just as he always had. Cinna makes me think of flames. Flames make me think of my sister – such is my trail of thoughts now that any happy memory will almost inevitably lead to a sad one. My heart tightens and I close my eyes a second to gather myself.
'You look beautiful', says Peeta and I see him at the doorway through the reflection in my mirror. I smile at him and turn around.
'Thank you', I say.
He comes towards me and holds my hand, before twirling me around once. He looks smart too, dressed in a white shirt with black trousers. I didn't think he should wear the black suit jacket earlier but now I think it would go perfectly. I tell him so.
'You'll be fine, Katniss', he says, reassuringly squeezing my hand as he senses my building nerves. I wish I could believe him. I am so daunted by my task that all I have managed to eat today is a bowl of soup and a piece of bread. Peeta takes me downstairs to sit in the lounge to wait while he goes back upstairs to retrieve the jacket. He has explained to me that we will be sent someone to escort us and according to the time, they should be here any moment now. It seems weird that the moment I think that, there is a knock on my door. It takes me a moment before I get off the couch to my feet. I can't hear Peeta coming back down so I have no choice but to get the door.
As soon as I have pulled the door open, a loud gasp comes from me and I feel the world spinning around me. I am looking into the same grey eyes I saw a few nights ago. I am gripping the door handle so tightly it is digging into me but I don't feel any pain. I feel a force so strong emanating from him to me that I am powerless to turn away. My heart seems to swell with pride somewhere as I manage to register his black uniform. He looks so handsome and smart. He's done well for a boy from the Seam. He doesn't smile and I can't quite read his expression but I see his lips move. Then a memory flashes in front of me in a nanosecond.
'Why would you always take his side?' I say, pretending to be cross.
'You're just grumpy and miserable all the time', says Prim's ten year old voice. 'Gale says if anyone teases me, he'll poke their eyes out'. She giggles.
'Does he now?'
'Yes, and he says since dad isn't around, he's like my big brother. He'll always protect me', she says.
'Did he tell you that?' I ask.
'Aha. Gale says even when you're mad at me, he'll always be there'.
Gale appears at the doorway. 'Are you telling Katniss all our secrets?' he asks Prim playfully.
'No!' she exclaims, and I hear her squeal with delight as Gale picks her up and swings her around.
This memory drags itself like a shard of glass through my heart. You were meant to protect her, I silently scream inside. You killed her. A million different images flash before me in succession. Prim, Gale, fire, death. I slam the door and lean against it, my heart thundering in my chest. I am struggling to breathe and I can still feel that magnetic force through the wood of the door, pulling me.
'Katniss' calls Peeta's voice, as he rushes to me. I am sitting on the floor now, no muscle in my body is able to move and I can only hear the rush of blood pounding through my ears, 'What is it?'
Peeta takes me in his strong comforting arms and manages to get me into the living room before the door knocks again. Peeta looks at me but I still can't speak. He tells me to wait and goes to answer the door. I want to tell him not to but I can't get the words out.
As soon as I open the door, I know exactly what has happened to Katniss. I too feel some sort of shock, but more than shock I feel anger. Is this some sort of joke? Of everyone they could send here, why him? My feelings are reflected in my expression as I come face to face with him.
'Mellark', he acknowledges coolly with a curt nod, those grey eyes studying me intently. I see from a momentary narrowing of his eyes that he wasn't expecting to see me here.
'Hawthorne', I reply meeting his stare. He looks away first.
'This is Soldier Hayes' he says gesturing to the other man standing next to him. I hadn't even noticed him until now. 'We're here to escort Miss. Everdeen tonight'.
I don't even pick up any trace of recognition in him as he says her name. His grey eyes have become as blank as Katniss' are.
'Come in', I say.
He nods again and they follow me through to the lounge. I go to Katniss' side immediately as she stands when they enter. Her body is rigid and I know she is fighting every fragment of emotion going through her. She avoids looking at him and I can feel her body tremble beside mine. I hold her hand and she clasps mine back so tight. I remember when she last held my hand so tightly – in the chariots before the first hunger games. I still remember just how radiant she had looked, bathed in flames, fierce and beautiful.
'Miss. Everdeen', he says addressing her directly. I can tell from his voice that he is struggling to keep that indifferent exterior in front of her, 'I'm here as your security and escort for tonight's event. Do you have any questions?'
Finally, she lifts her eyes to meet his and instead of her usual uninterested blank stare, there is something else I see in her eyes. It burns bright, furiously and dangerously. For the first time in years, I see something which makes her look alive. I see fire.
/
Thanks for reading :)