A/N There may be some unwanted physical contact and the word rape, though there is no rape in this story
Ashley
"For future reference if you need to speak to me or ask me about something, please don't hesitate and don't send someone else in your stead. I keep an open door policy." She said. I was excited, but I was also worried that the crew would hold a grudge against me. However, they didn't and accepted that they had deserved what Shea dished out. It took us two days, finishing up before Christmas eve. Everyone woke up in a happy mood even Liara couldn't help but get swept up in the joy. "It looks great everyone. Great job!" Shea says. "Everyone give a big hooyah to Gunnery Chief Williams." I blush and smile. "If you wish to drink feel free, Chey and I will be remaining sober, in case there any problems. Enjoy yourselves but not too much now, tomorrows duties will commence at 1000 hours. Dismissed." She says.
I look around pleased it was very helpful that everyone on the crew had some holiday decorations. I was no exception the wreaths and mistletoe were mine. The wreaths I had the mistletoe my sisters had sent to me when they saw who my Commander was and could tell I really was attracted to her. I smiled remembering all the Christmas's we had spent together. I walked around and decided I would not be drinking. For two reasons one when I get drunk I am much more touchy feely and I would be too touchy feely with a certain dashing commander. The second reason was in case something did happen I wanted to have a clear mind. Shea had also managed to procure four bottles of Turian Brandy, for Tali and Garrus, two bottles of Ryncol for Wrex and two bottles of Thessian wine for Liara. Kaidan seem to waste no time when it came to drinking. From what I understood it took a lot to get a biotic drunk, but he sure was giving it the old college try.
I bumped into Shea. "It really looks great Ash. Now if we had a fireplace and some hot cocoa then it would be perfect." She says. "Yeah that'd be great." I reply briefly distracted by daydreaming we were cuddling on a couch with hot cocoa and just watching the flames dance. Chey approaches us. "Hey, so you two are ignoring a very important tradition." She points upward. I had forgotten I put a mistletoe there. We look at each other and blush shyly we move in close, I close my eyes and aim for her cheek. My heart stopped when I felt lips instead, I opened my eyes at the same time as her and giggled. "Perhaps we should have kept our eyes open. Though in truth I don't regret it in the least." I said. "That makes two of us." She agrees. Kaidan approached Chey and they went somewhere quieter. I had bad feeling, but knowing Chey's preference I let it go. They probably just went to talk away from the noise.
All in all, it was a great evening Liara kissed Tali's faceplate since they ended up under the same mistletoe Shea and I had. I still remembered everyone chanting "Kiss, Kiss, Kiss." Chey and Shea among them. Shea and I were talking about how much fun last night was when Kaidan approached us. "Shepard, I have something to tell you, and I'm sorry and I'm ashamed. Yesterday, at the holiday party I got really drunk and I tried to take advantage of Chey. I kissed her and grabbed her chest and crotch." He didn't get to say much else, because I kicked him in the balls and at the same time Shea punched him in the jaw. "You raped my sister. Your off the mission and will be arrested once we get to Virmire." She says. "I didn't rape her I groped her and she set me straight. But I understand. I'll stay away from everyone. Being drunk, does not make what I did okay." He said.
Chey came up to us shortly afterwards. "Look, what Kaidan did was wrong, but I don't think he should be punished so severely. He was drunk and seeing you two and Tali and Liara all the feelings between you four and he was too much for him. He was lonely and drunk. A lot of us can understand his feelings, so please as a favor to me please don't be too harsh with him." She says. " As a favor to you." Shea says.
Shea
I spoke with Kaidan and informed him that we would keep him on the mission. I also said he would take over cleaning all the equipment. I apologized to him about what was happening on the mission between us four and we would try and keep things professional. He said. "I appreciate the thought but please, this is my personal problem and I need to learn how to deal with things like this. It's bound to happen no matter where I go. I accept any and all punishment you deem necessary. It was very unprofessional on my part, and completely against regs. I should be demoted and dishonorably discharged." He said. "Kaidan, I can forgive you but promise me you will never tell anyone about Chey's privates and please keep that stuff we found out about in regards to Akuze secret until after we deal with Virmire. I think Chey can handle it now." He nods. "I will Shea." He says. "Okay. Kaidan. So you know it might take me awhile to trust you completely again, at least off the battlefield." I tell him. "I understand Shea. I will do everything I can to earn that trust back." He said.
I sat in the conference room, just staring at Kaidan's empty chair. My decision weighed heavily on me. "Go save Ash. I have to stay with the bomb the detonator was damaged I have to do this manually. I'm sorry Shea." He said. "Kaidan. No we can come get you still. We'll just fire at it from orbit or something." I said and I felt the tears well remembering our last conversation. "You know that won't work. Our targeting systems aren't advanced enough for that maneuver. Shea you know it's the right call." He said. "Belay that Commander. He is the higher ranking officer, he is priority." Ashley said. There were both right, and I had been torn. Chey tapped me on the shoulder.
"Shea, look at me." She gently ordered. I met her gaze. "What is your mission?" she asked. "To stop Saren from succeeding in his plans and bring him in for justice." I replied. "Which instance here does that?" she asked. "Destroying the base." I answered. "Which one saves more lives?" I thought a moment. "The bomb going off. If I save Ash, not only will Kirrhe's team be saved, but so will everyone in the galaxy." I said. "Then what should you do?" she asked. "I hate this. Kaidan. I'm sorry, if I could save you both I would." I said. "You have made the right call. My only regret is that I won't ever be able to earn back what I lost. It's been an honor Commander. Chey, I'm really sorry about what happened." He said. "It's alright Kaidan and I meant what I said. If I had liked men too. I would have been with you." She said. "In hindsight I would have chosen you too. I hope one day you find love again." He said.
After our farewells, I raced to get Ash. She tried to stand firm. "No. I demand you go after Kaidan. He's the better soldier." She stomped her foot. "I am losing one good friend today as it is and I won't lose another." I said to her. "I'm not moving." She stubbornly said. "You and your damn Williams pride. I wasn't giving you a choice." I said and I grabbed her hoisted her over my shoulder cave man style and race to the Normandy. From the observation window, I watched the bomb go off and said a final farewell to one of the best men in the universe.
Ashley approaches me after my call to the council. I don't even care that they aren't happy and that they don't agree to go to Ilos right away. Ash accuses me of putting my feelings in front of the mission. After I yell at first, and say a few not so nicely toned words, my tone softens. "I have given up everything in my life, and anything I ever wanted for myself for this fucking mission. Even love." I said and I storm out and head back to my room. I collapse heavily on the floor and I can't stop the tears from flooding out. I can't suppress the body wracking sobs which makes my head feel like it's going to explode. I didn't even care, I let the pain have free reign. I cried for hours until Karin came to comfort me and putting me in my bed exhausted from the emotions of the day I pass out immediately. A part of me hopes I never wake up again. I was sick of being the hero, sick of being the one to make these hard and painful decisions. I hated ever becoming a Spectre.