Ila managed to eat little after Thorin left the great hall, and finally Fili urged her to retire. Dwala obediently followed her, not speaking the entire time as Ila was responding to nothing, until they ascended the great staircase. Instead of going to the left to the chambers she shared with Thorin, Ila turned to the right.
"Ila? What are you doing?" Dwala asked with confusion.
"I am going to my rooms." She said firmly, trying not to let her voice tremble but it did anyway.
"Ila, those aren't you rooms anymore-" Dwala began but Ila exploded with emotion.
"I will not share his chambers tonight! Much less his bed! Assuming he would even come to it with me there. As angry as he is with me." Ila sputtered and sobbed. "And he probably hates me," she concluded piteously as she forced the doors to her old rooms open and rushed in, leaving Dwala in her dust.
Dwala picked up her skirts and hurried in behind her, closing the doors and turning to see that Ila had blown through the next set of doors and practically thrown herself onto the bed, crying audibly.
Dwala went to sit on the side of the bed, rubbing Ila's back as she wept.
"There there, Ila. He does not hate you. If he hated you he would not be so upset, I believe it is just that he worries so. Now for myself…me he hates. He blames me for this I am sure, he'll probably have me sent back to your father first thing in the morning. "
"No," came Ila's muffled reply in the pillows. She raised her head and Dwala saw her face was red and tear stained. "He will not take you from me, I will go back to my father too if he sends you away—Dwala…what—what is that?"
As Ila had looked up at Dwala she finally noticed the ring on her hand.
Dwala could not suppress her smile or her happiness any longer, despite Ila's condition. She was simply too happy.
Ila sat up and reached out for her hand. She looked at it with awe, then back to Dwala.
"Is this, is this what I think it is?!"
Dwala giggled. "Yes, indeed it is."
"Why have you not told me?! When did it happen?" Ila demanded, a smile coming over her face for the first time since supper.
"Not long after they returned to us. I meant to tell you at supper but had not the chance."
"OH DWALA!" Ila cried and threw her arms around her friend. "I am so sorry for not giving you the proper chance, what with my sobbing and goings on."
Dwala hugged her back, happy to finally tell her. But she wished it had been under better circumstances.
"I told you he would ask when he returned. It's as plain as day how much he loves you." Ila said, forgetting her troubles for a moment to share in Dwala's happiness. "I am so happy for you."
"Thank you, I do not know how I could be more happy. That is, unless you were happy." Dwala replied, not forgetting what turmoil her friend was in.
Ila's smile faded and she cast down her eyes.
"Do not let my sadness dampen your happiness Dwala. My sadness is my own doing, anyway." Ila said sadly.
"No, it is not. You did not deserve such harshness, and certainly not in public."
"Well, perhaps not. But I should have told him straight away, not…not let him couple with me and then fall asleep in his arms and give myself no time to tell him before supper. But! I had no idea that Dis would come so soon or that she would accompany us to supper!"
Ila was becoming very sad again, and lay down properly on her back next to Dwala. She sniffled and pulled the covers up to her chin and laid a hand on her belly.
Dwala saw the concern in her face and placed her hand on top of Ila's. "The baby is fine, he should not have said that."
Ila met Dwala's gaze but said nothing. She knew there was nothing she could say to make her feel better, and perhaps that it was better that she not return to their chambers after all.
"I will light a candle, it is dark in here." Dwala said moving from the bed to light a taper and bring it to the bedside table. Ila stared at the ceiling as she had the many nights she couldn't fall asleep before her marriage. She had not missed these rooms, not really. They were lush and fit for a queen, but she so enjoyed being with Thorin and sharing everything with him that missing her privacy had never occurred to her.
How ironic, Ila thought. She had been waiting for this night for three weeks, so that she could be reunited in bed with her love. Passionately embracing and then falling into the most deep and comfortable sleep in his arms. But instead, here she lay in her old bed, alone and heartsick.
Ila did nothing to stop a tear from rolling down her face and Dwala wiped it away. "Shall I stay with you?" she asked.
"No, Dwala. You must go to your betrothed, I am sure he hasn't had time enough to reacquaint with you. Besides, I am fine." Ila assured her.
"Alright, if you are sure. Let me undress you at least" Dwala said and Ila got up to let her take off her dress, leaving her only in her gown. Dwala got up to go leave, but as she reached the door turned and asked. "Should I send word to the king, telling him you retired in your old chambers?"
"No," Ila responded without hesitation. "Let him wonder."
Dwala nodded and quietly left, trying not to run as she descended the staircase to find her love again. She did stop long enough to throw an evil look towards the royal chambers however.
Thorin was still sitting in his chair before the fireplace, the flames of which were beginning to die before him. His wine glass was empty and he thought surely that Ila would have come by then. Supper would be over and she had nowhere else to go. Perhaps she was putting off coming to him, which he could understand. But she had to come eventually. She needed to rest, and he was growing more and more anxious as he waited to reconcile with her. He got up and walked into the antechamber and then into the bedroom, just to check and make sure that she didn't come in so quietly that he hadn't heard.
She hadn't. Thorin sighed and looked to the door. He thought he would give her a little more time before he actually started to worry and poured himself another glass of wine. He returned to his study and added another log to the fire to stir it again. He sat there and went over in his mind how he would apologize exactly when she did come back. She would take quite a bit of consoling he was sure, she was a tender thing and he had been rather nasty. He shouldn't have said those things to his sister either, but if he was honest with himself those words came out because they were true.
His sister's words rang in his ears…."like the gold beneath our feet." That is what Dis thought he treated Ila like. Was he so possessive that he treated her like an object? He didn't think so, not really. But others would not understand, they would see his intense love for her and desire to see her protected as such. But he was not so terrible, he thought, not like his grandfather had been, that everyone was so quick to compare him to. He had seen much of the gold-all that was promised at least-to the rightful hands or as payment as agreed upon. Such things would not drive him mad, not like Thror. He was determined that would not be the case. So much so that he really did not worry about it.
Thorin sat before the fire for another hour, and when Ila did not come he began to be truly unsettled. Where could she be? She knows better than to roam the palace at such an hour. He rose and went to the door, determined to go looking for her himself, but then thought that it would be much faster to call for Dwala. She should know where Ila was, and if she didn't she would be sorry for it.
Thorin called for his manservant to summon Dwala to him. It was a mere ten minutes from that time that she appeared before him in the antechamber.
She had clearly gone to bed because she was wearing a robe over her nightgown, having obviously thrown it hastily on to quickly appear before her king, her hair unkempt and she trying to seem normal before him.
Thorin was too tired from his journey and emotionally exhausted to be overly pleasant and so he simply began interrogating her.
"Where is your lady? I see that you have retired." He said with some irritation, believing she should only retire once her lady had done so.
"She has retired as well, my lord." Dwala answered simply and quickly, not caring for standing before Thorin in her robe and nightgown, and thanking Mahal silently that she had not tarried a moment longer with Dwalin, despite having wanted to very much.
Thorin stared at her with irritation and confusion now. He looked towards the bedchamber rather dramatically and then back to Dwala.
"Your lady is not in her bed." He said as though nothing was ever more obvious.
"She is in her bed in her old chambers, my lord." Dwala clarified.
Thorin's expression darkened and she looked away, not wanting to be under his glare, whether being the cause of it or not.
"And why should she be there?" he asked curtly.
"She insisted my king."
"And you did not think it wise to tell me?"
"She forbid me." Dwala answered as quickly as he spoke.
Well, Ila didn't exactly forbid it, but she did say not to.
Thorin sighed heavily and felt his anger renewed, but then he felt a great wave of regret wash over him. She didn't even want to be in the same chambers with him. Had he hurt her so badly? He forgot Dwala was in the room for a moment as he felt a wound of his own open in his heart.
"Your highness?" Dwala brought him back to the present.
"You are dismissed." He said waving his hand and Dwala bowed before quickly taking her leave.
Thorin paced about the room for a few minutes, wondering if he should let Ila be and go to her in the morning, when both of their emotions had the chance to settle and tempers cool. But, perhaps her wound would only be deeper in the morning. Perhaps she would take his distance tonight to mean he was far angrier than he was, and even more damage would be done between them.
No, he must go to her he decided. But first he would change into his night clothes. Perhaps he would stay the night in her chambers if she did not want to come back to their own. Assuming she didn't throw him out altogether.
Thorin quickly changed and left his chambers to make his way across the landing, past the staircase and to his wife's old rooms. He silently entered her antechamber and practically tiptoed to her bed. He had never actually entered while she was in it. He had paid it a visit shortly before she arrived in Erebor to make sure it was to his standards and was truly fit for his future queen, but for the sake of honor and decency he had not gone farther than the antechamber since.
Now that they were dwarf and wife however, there was nothing to keep her from him. He padded quietly into her room, having left his shoes in their chambers. She had her back turned to him and was lying on her side, apparently sleeping. There was a lone candle burning on her bedside table, but otherwise it was rather dark.
He hesitated for a moment as to whether he should wake her, and decided that perhaps he would simply climb into bed with her. If she woke in his arms, then maybe she would at least know he was no longer angry, and then perhaps she would be much more inclined to forgive him. Thorin pulled back the covers and slipped under them, covering their bodies and spooning his wife by lying on his side next to her. He brought his arm gently over her to place a hand on her belly, splaying his fingers over her bump. He brought his lips the skin of her shoulder exposed by her nightgown and pressed a kiss there.
Ila opened her eyes and felt her husband pressing into her body. She was very surprised to find him there, and wanted to push him away. Her heart was still aching and she wanted an apology. She knew though that his hand on her belly meant that he was sorry for what he had said about that specifically. Still, she wanted to hear an apology for all of it.
Thorin couldn't tell if Ila was awake or not. She hadn't moved an inch. On the chance that she was awake and trying to ignore him, Thorin placed his lips on her ear and whispered,
"I am sorry, my love."
It was so soft Ila barely heard it. But she did hear it. Ila was still hurt and angry, but did not have the heart to make him pay for it, not tonight. She reached down and laid her hand over his, carefully lacing her fingers with his and bringing his hand up to lay against her chest. She did not move or speak otherwise, but Thorin took her gesture as forgiveness, or at least the beginning of her forgiveness, and let out a deep breath. He kissed her neck below her ear and drew her as close as he could, snuggling in for a good night's sleep.
Though he knew he had much more apologizing to do in the morning.
A/N: For those who inquired and shared in Winter Storm Leon with me, I am in the Columbus area. After being in the 70's this weekend it is getting cold again, which I appreciate because I just ordered a new scarf from Etsy and I want to wear it, darn it!