As Ila was walking from the great hall, Thorin squeezing her hand as he pulled away from her to go towards the throne room, she caught a glimpse of Kili coming around the corner. Cleary not expecting to see her, he stopped as their eyes connected and she could tell he changed his path slightly, letting other dwarves walk between them as they were coming and going from the great hall.
Ila did not make to go after him, but his obvious desire to avoid her wounded her heart. She simply stood there for a moment, registering what had happened, and deciding to simply let it be. She had no explanation for it. Fili had said everything was fine between them, and she had been so preoccupied with worrying about Dwala that morning she had forgotten to bring up the strange look that passed between she and Kili last night to Thorin. She would certainly do so now though.
Ila tried to mask what she knew must be a rather hurt and confused expression as she left the great hall, and as she went could not have known that Kili stole a glance back at her. He did not miss the hurt in her eyes, and he reviled himself for causing it. He had to speak to her, to explain things to her. But then he knew he couldn't. Nothing good would come from it, but at the same time his emotions were eating him alive from the inside out. As he pondered what he could do, he barely saw Asta practically running to him from the corner of his eye.
He sighed inwardly. He was completely over the girl. At first she had been a relieving outlet for his desires but now she was an annoyance. She followed him like an errant puppy, never far behind and talked endlessly of absolutely nothing. And she giggled at everything, more so at things that weren't funny at all it seemed. She saw that he saw her, so there was no avoiding her now. As she bounced up to him and asked if she could have lunch with him, he tried to look welcoming but secretly wanted to run screaming in the opposite direction.
Ila retired to her chambers, not knowing what else to do with herself being sad over the deterioration of her relationship with Kili. She didn't feel like putting on face that said everything was wonderful and so resigned herself to relaxing and perhaps reading a book. She did not have time to pick one out however as a knock came at the outer door.
Ila bid them enter the antechamber and found it was Dis's handmaiden.
"Your highness," she said with a polite bow. "The Lady Dis is at your disposal today, and ready to receive you in her chambers if you would like to speak with her."
Oh, Ila thought. That was surprising. Surely Thorin could not have sent word to her that fast. Perhaps Fili had mentioned it and just not had the chance to tell her so yet. At any rate, she was glad to meet with her. She needed something to take her mind off Kili.
Ila went straight to her chambers as invited. She noted that they looked very much like those she and Thorin shared. Which was to be expected Ila figured. Dis was royalty. Dis was seated on one of her lush couches, covered in the darkest blue velvet, but rose as she entered. She wore a gown of lighter blue and very little jewelry at all, being rather casual for her.
"Your highness," Dis said with a warm smile.
"Please, Lady Dis. I am only Ila to you." Ila replied as she walked to stand in front of the older dwarf and offered her hands to her. Dis took them and closed what little distance there was between them, kissing her on the cheek. Ila had not expected such a greeting but was very happy to receive it. The two of them sat down then, across from one another, and a servant promptly brought some hot tea to place on the small table next to them.
"So, this must be very important, what with my son and brother telling me that you wished to speak to me?" Dis asked.
So, Thorin had sent word. She couldn't help but smile. She felt very lucky that he took the things she said and wanted so seriously. He was absolutely adorable at times.
Ila wasn't exactly sure where to start. She figured that neither Fili nor Thorin mentioned what she wanted to talk about. She was also a little embarrassed.
"Oh, well yes, yes it is. Though, I suppose it is more your advice or guidance that I seek, now that I find myself being with child for but three more months…"
Dis smiled a knowing smile. She had figured this is what Ila wanted to speak about.
"Yes, the time will be upon you before you know it."
"And I, well, my mother told me nothing about that sort of thing and I was wondering..."
"If you might ask me about it?" Dis finished her question for her.
Ila made a shy smile in return and nodded gently.
Dis smiled again, sitting her tea down.
"Well, it has been some many years since I brought my sons into the world. But, it is not the sort of thing you forget, no matter how long you live. I must admit that I cannot tell you how painful it is, I know it was terrible, but I cannot remember how terrible really. I think my mind made me forget between Fili and Kili, for if I could have remembered how terrible it was I don't think I would ever have allowed myself to become pregnant again."
Ila had feared as much. She knew it would be bad, but she had hoped not so bad as that.
"But, you will live through it. And as soon as you lay eyes on your baby, you will forget the pain in an instant. It will be the happiest moment of your life, and everything before it will fall away."
"Well, I am sure of that. I cannot wait to hold him in my arms….but there is of course the possibility that I will not live through it, many do not…"
"You must not think that way. You must not have a heavy or fearful heart. The baby will feel it, sense it. It can with everything you do and feel. You must be happy and you must be strong, the baby will be strong in turn."
Ila smiled widely now. "He is already strong. He kicked for the first time this morning," Ila told her excitedly. "He even kicked for Thorin."
Dis returned her smile. "Active already, and strong? Signs of a boy. Both Fili and Kili kicked like bulls."
Ila smiled and looked down at her belly, rubbing it with the hand not holding her tea. Looking back to Dis, her face became very serious again.
"I am afraid that I will not give Thorin, and Erebor, the heir that they expect. I know I am more than likely to have a son, given the chances, but what if I do not? What if I cannot?" she asked, clearly having been worried about this for some time.
"I am certain you can have a boy, you have a 2 in 3 chance of it. I had two brothers, both older, and then two sons of my own. I like to think that had I had another child though that it would have been a girl." Dis remarked, more to herself almost than to Ila. She had a faraway look in her eye for a moment, and Ila wondered that she was not thinking of things long past, and what might have been. She knew Kili was very young when their father died, likely Dis would have continued to have children had she not been widowed. Ila felt for her, not knowing what she would do if she lost Thorin at all, much less with a little dwarfling that would never know its father.
Dis came back to the present quickly and continued. "But, if you do have a princess first then it is no terrible matter, at least not in my opinion. You can continue trying, it took you no time to get with child this time. The next is certain to be a boy, and Thorin has plenty of years left to rule yet. I would not worry on such a thing."
"So, you do not think Thorin would be very disappointed in me?"
Dis laughed. "No. Thorin will passionately love any child that is his, which I believe you know."
"Well, yes. He hasn't told me that I must produce a boy this time, but I know that as a king he wants an heir. Erebor will want an heir. And I will be a failure if I do not provide one."
"You will not be. You are a queen, an obviously very fertile one, and you will produce more heirs. And Thorin's love for you is unlike anything I would have anticipated, though I am eternally grateful to Mahal that he brought you two together. You have made him happier than I ever expected to see, even with the reclaiming of Erebor." Dis said and the powerful words hit Ila hard. She knew how much she loved him, but to hear from someone else how powerfully Thorin loved her, moved her very much.
"He is the sun, and moon, and stars, and the very air to me. I cannot imagine life without him nor can I barley recall it before I knew him." Ila said.
Dis smiled and nodded. "I believe that, just in the way you look at him. I do hope my sons are so lucky in love."
Ila thought then about the young dwarf, Asta, that Kili saw. She wondered if he loved her, and if they would be torn apart by an arranged marriage. Even though he obviously did not care for her the way he used to, she still cared for him and hoped he found the love she and Thorin had.
"It will be a while before they have to marry, so Thorin tells me."
"Yes, which is good in Kili's case, but I believe Fili might be ready for such companionship. But of course, it is not my decision."
Ila smiled. She thought she should change the subject since this might take a turn into touchy matters.
"So, going back to my original question….how will I know when it is time? Will I just suddenly be in great and overwhelming pain?"
Dis thought for a moment, it had been more than seventy years after all.
"You will leak fluid first, then the pains will start. They will come and go at first and become worse and more frequent before the baby comes. I was hours at it with Fili, but Kili came much quicker."
Leak fluids. That sounded disgusting to Ila. But, her moon cycle wasn't much different she thought.
"Also, you will know when it is about to come because your stomach will be lower on your body, if that makes sense." Dis added, clearly remembering more detail the more she thought on it.
Hmm. This was going to be interesting indeed, Ila thought. She looked at her belly and tried to imagine it being lower. As she rubbed it, a kick landed near her hand.
"Oh, there he goes again." Ila giggled and Dis reached out her hand to feel. Ila moved her hand to the spot where the last kick hand landed and tried to coax him into moving again so she could feel. The two were so intent on studying her belly that they barely heard the door open.
Ila's back was to the door so she had no idea who entered. Dis looked past her and smiled.
"Hello my love, come feel the heir kicking. Your cousin is very active already,"
Ila looked over her shoulder, hoping it would be Fili who met her eyes.
It was not.
Kili had stopped in the doorway, staring at the scene and deciding whether or not to stay. Ila averted her eyes from him and looked back to her stomach.
"I'm sorry mother I didn't mean to interrupt, I will come ba—"
"Nonsense you are not interrupting. Come here." She said with no patience for an argument.
Kili realized he had no choice. He didn't want his mother to inquire why he was acting so strange and she could practically read him like a book anyway. He closed the door slowly behind him and walked just as slowly to the couch where Ila sat. While he was doing so the baby kicked for Dis, who smiled brightly.
"Ah, yes. I remember that. It is a wonderful feeling, no? To feel your little one move inside you while he grows." Dis said dreamily, and then looked to Kili. "That is until they start to kick you like bulls in the last month. I think you bruised my ribs." She said accusingly at her son, but lightheartedly as well.
Kili gave his mother a sheepish look and made no move to touch Ila.
"Are you afraid of a little baby? He won't kick you that hard," Dis said and took her son's hand to lay on Ila's belly. Ila looked at him and saw him turn a bit red, but he kept his hand on her belly. Ila pressed gently on herself and then laid her hand over Kili's to move it, but never looked at him.
"We think your cousin will be a boy, what with his being active already," Dis said conversationally, being oblivious to the emotional battle going on before her. Kili's hand was burning under Ila's, and he prayed for the baby to kick so it would be over. He let himself imagine for a split second that the baby in that swollen belly was his, then he dashed it from his mind immediately. Finally, mercifully, the baby gave him a soft kick into his palm.
Ila sighed and Kili forced a small laugh, pulling away from her. Ila's hands went to her belly, not knowing what else to do with them and feeling so very anxious from the forced encounter.
"I just came to see how you felt mother, Fili said you had a slight cold."
"Oh, it has passed. Nothing really. Where is your brother?"
"In counsel with uncle, of course."
"Ah, yes. Will you not stay and have some tea then? We promise not to talk about anything that might embarrass you." Dis said with a glint in her eye. Ila saw where the brothers got their sense of humor from.
"No mother, I should be practicing. I didn't go to the arena this morning."
"Up late?" she asked.
"No, mother." Kili said, more and more uncomfortable by the second. He turned to go, not having spoken a word to Ila, which she did not miss.
Nor did Dis for that matter.
"Kili," she called to her youngest in a tone different form the others she had used previously.
Ila knew that tone. Anyone who had a mother knew that tone.
Kili turned to face his mother, halfway to the door now.
"You have not spoken to your queen and aunt since you walked in this room."
He looked to Ila and said solemnly "My queen," and bowed his head. "It was not intentional. I hope you and the heir are well." he said and waited for his mother to dismiss him, which she did after a moment and with the nod of her head.
Ila waited for the door to shut before asking, "Is he well? He seems as though something weighs heavy on his mind." Ila took care with her words, so that it seemed she was simply observant and had no suspicions.
Dis sighed and stared at the door for a moment before meeting her eyes. "It is difficult to say, he is having growing pains that is all I think. You know, males do not mature as fast as we do." She said with a smile. "I am sure he is fine, despite how disrespectful he was just now, which I assure you is not his way."
"Oh, I know. He is always so agreeable, just like Fili" Ila remarked.
"I am very fortunate in my children, as I know you will be too."
"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, and answer my rather unusual questions." Ila offered.
"They are not unusual, I promise you. And I was happy to do so, I am at your service as you know." Dis said and the two rose to depart one another in much the way they had greeted each other. Ila turned to go, turning over the exchange in her mind between she and Kili. It had been so strange, she could not put her finger on how it made her feel exactly, other than the hurt she felt in light of his recent behavior when they had once been close. She wanted to tell Thorin, but then she also didn't want to make things worse between she and Kili. Thorin would almost certainly confront him, and she didn't see how that would improve things. Likely Kili would draw even further away from her.
One a positive note, Dis seemed the happiest and in the best of spirits she had seen her so far. Hopefully this baby would bring her out of her shell and out of her rooms when it came along. Which couldn't be soon enough as far as Ila was concerned. Looking down at herself and as if on cue, the baby gently kicked her once more, as though to say he agreed.