A/N: A few people have requested I put a mini summary in here about what had happened in Tears on the Balcony and Kisses on the Balcony so here goes:
LJ: Lily's parents died when she was eight and she was forced to live in an orphanage until she turned eighteen. She hasn't spoken to her sister since she went off to Hogwarts at age 11. She had a tough time opening up to anyone during Hogwarts but Sirius eventually found out about her family (or lack thereof) and he told the guys. Lily let her guard down and let James into her life wholeheartedly where they officially got together (after a few kisses and a fist fight) just a few days after New Year's Eve. They had their ups and they had their downs but right after graduation, James on a complete whim asked Lily to marry him. They decided the timing was off so Lily said in the future, there better be a ring and that in the future, she would say yes.
James: James is from a large family that is sadly dwindling in front of his very eyes. The second oldest Potter, Wyatt, disappeared the day after he had graduated and no one knows where he went off to. The oldest brother, Brite, was an Auror and during a secret training Auror mission he was killed along with a few others, including Fabian Prewett's older brother. Before Brite was killed Death Eaters had been spotted in the South Asian area so they had created a diversion by killing the French Minister of Magic's family so that the wizarding world was grieving for them and not aware than attack was about to be made. Mr. Potter blamed himself for these incidents and left his wife to flee to Italy to become Second-in-Command in the Auror offices there.
Riley: Down the street from the Potters (they all lived in a neighborhood known as Auror row) lived the Gilmores, another large family that includes Lance (Kay's fiance) and Riley. Riley grew up with James and was his best friend. She was also sorted into Gryffindor and became best friends with Kay and Lily. She started off as best friends with Sirius as well but after they made a whimsical decision to sleep together and start dating in their fifth year, Sirius made a huge mistake by running off scared and cheated on Riley with James' cousins Rhea. Riley found out and thus began the enemy stage of Sirius and Riley for the next two years. But they found their way back to each other...just to become once again ripped apart with the help of a flirty, lying prefect Rachael LeBlanc. Sirius started "dating" her while Riley used a guy named Rhett Davies to be her rebound. But naturally they finally found their way back to each other again when Sirius confessed he was in love with her...but oh wait, once again they got ripped apart. Riley got a job with the Australian Daily Record (she's always wanted to be a writer) so she was supposed to leave for Australia a week after graduation. However, she disappeared in the middle of the night only two days after graduation leaving behind a note that said 'I'm sorry' and a locket that Sirius had given to her for graduation with their young photos in it. Riley was the only girl that Sirius had ever loved.
Kay: Kay and Lance met each other on a Gilmore vacation the summer before their final year at Hogwarts. Riley was livid when she found out and Kay broke up with Lance to keep her friendship with Riley. But Riley finally realized how ridiculous she was being and got Kay and Lance back together. They've been together ever since.
Remus: Remus started dating a girl a year younger than him, Jillian Greene, his final year at Hogwarts even though he had reservations about it (him being a werewolf and all) and while they had their difficulties, they were an adorable couple who sincerely loved each other.
Miscellaneous: Dumbledore invited the Marauders, Lily, and Severus Snape to join the Order towards the end of their final year at Hogwarts and they all accepted. James also followed his lifelong dream of becoming an Auror. Kay followed her dream of going into medicine. Shane was the one who got Lily her job at the Ministry.
Aaaand she lets out a deep breath because that was a very long ramble!
Disclaimer: Alas, I am not the talented J.K. Rowling...at least I don't think I am...
Goodbyes on the Balcony
By ByeByeBirdie
Chapter 3: Of Waitresses, Prats, & Medals
++SIRIUS++
I had been at the States all day which turned out to sadly be an unsuccessful Order mission. There was definite permanent damage done on the West Coast but nothing out of the ordinary as far as I could tell. It seemed like a fairly straightforward attack, one that had clearly been pre-planned. We still don't know why California was chosen. If Voldemort was really interested in forming an attack on the US, I would have guessed Philadelphia where the Ministry building was stationed would have been his primary choice. So while it was evident the attack had been pre-planned and straightforward, something definitely felt off about this.
"Sirius? What are you doing here?"
I glanced away from the rubble in front of me to the sound of Moody's voice. "Hey, Moodster. Dumbledore sent me."
He nodded grimly, rolling his eyes at my ridiculous nickname. "Finding anything?"
I shrugged. "Bodies," I muttered, shuddering instinctively. An explosion had rippled through the coastal town of Mendocino. Buildings were destroyed, homes were cracked down the middle, cars were overturned, and debris lined the streets. I wasn't doing much digging under the wreckage as that was sadly a job for the Auror departments, but it was hard to ignore the damage surrounding me.
He met my gaze and frowned. "All Muggles?"
I merely shrugged. "Based on dress, mainly," I spoke slowly. "But from eavesdropping, I hear there were a few ex-Aurors on the deceased list."
Moody nodded. "Yeah, Humphries mentioned that to me," he murmured, referring to the Second-in-Command with the North American Ministry Auror Department. "We haven't figured out why there may have been ex-Aurors out here in California."
"Hopefully, an answer will come us."
He shrugged but I could tell he was unconvinced. "Damn, they really slaughtered this town," he sneered, shaking his head in his usual determined way.
I sighed, nodding knowingly. "This was clearly planned. How did we miss this coming?" I muttered. The Order was supposed to be ahead of the game, not blindsided.
"Speak for yourself."
Moody and I turned towards the sound of a voice. I was immediately captivated by a blonde-haired beauty, her wand twirling loosely in her right hand. "You knew this was coming?" I asked curiously, responding to her comment.
She met Moody's gaze, shrugging curtly. "Who do you think caught Regulus Black?" she spoke, her accent sounding quite effortless.
Moody winced slightly beside me and I instinctively stiffened. I tried to pinpoint her accent with very little success. Seemed to me it was a mixture of a few. "Wow, a whole Death Eater," I drawled sarcastically. "Considering the slaughter that occurred here, my guess is there was more than one involved."
She eyed me up curiously, seemingly unperturbed by my sarcasm. "You an Auror?" she questioned.
I hesitated but Moody answered on my behalf. "He's with me."
She merely grunted. While very beautiful, the stony look on her face was very standoffish and made her look quite hostile.
"What a pleasant greeting," I drawled sarcastically. "And you are?"
Her eyes barely grazed mine before she turned back to Moody. "Humphries is looking for you," she spoke coolly. "They found some unclaimed wands in the rubble."
Moody nodded as the girl disappeared without so much as a goodbye.
"Who the hell was that?" I asked him, my gaze following her as she sashayed through the crowd of people and wreckage.
"A bitch on wheels," he uttered without so much as thinking about it. He merely shrugged, glancing sideways at me. "Keep your head down and your eyes and ears open, Black," he suggested. "There's something here."
I spent the remainder of the day on the outskirts of the wreckage, looking for any sort of clue as to why California was even on Voldemort's radar with not much success. I returned to my apartment by early evening, wondering if I had just wasted the day and hoping Moody was having more luck.
I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was grab a beer and sit in front of the television watching old WiziSports (I don't know what Muggle came up with the idea of a TV, but I am definitely a huge fan. I'm an even bigger fan of the wizard who realized he could make a fortune recording old Quidditch matches with a wizarding camcorder and releasing them to the WiziSports TV station). But James insisted that I make an appearance at Friday night dinner with the gang since I had missed the last one. And the one before that.
Don't get me wrong, I love Friday night dinners. My friends are pretty much my life. I don't know how I'd survive without them. But lately, Lily had been on my case about my not-so-appealing womanizing behaviors and it was irritating me. I enjoyed pushing her buttons to a certain extent because I liked seeing her squirm, but I also hated the look of disapproval in her eyes staring back at me when I did. I couldn't figure out why she had chosen now to become so adamently opposed to my sexual tendencies but I honestly didn't rightly care.
Speaking of people who pushed one's buttons, I had no desire to spend any more time with Keegan than necessary and I knew that she was planning on being at dinner that night. Keegan got under my skin like no one ever has before. It's not playful or in a joking manner. From the moment I met her, that girl decided she was going to hate me. And I didn't do anything to her except say hi. I tried to strike up a conversation and she had no desire to chat me up. I had no idea why the girl despised me, but I didn't care enough to question it. I was more than happy to hate her back. Talk about a bitch on wheels.
So there I was at Bosco's Trattoria with a menu in my hand wishing I was home. James and Lily were there talking quietly to each other, probably updating each other on the events of their day. Remus and Kay were having an animated discussion about some new form of medicine that had recently been unveiled. Lance and Fabian were conversing with Peter about the Quidditch standings. Dezzy and Drew were obviously absent that night, seeing as they were still on their honeymoon, a backpacking tour through South America, but Caleb sat there chatting with his wife, Shannon, about her recent bouts of morning sickness (oh, yeah, has someone mentioned that they were going to have a baby in a few months?). Occasionally, Rafe would make an appearance, or Alice and Frank or Gideon and Marlene would tag along, but they all had declined the invitation for tonight.
"Sorry I'm late!"
I suppressed the urge to groan as Keegan slid into an empty seat between Lily and Remus.
"I got held up going over the final edition of the layout," she explained, making a face.
"Like we haven't heard that one before," I snorted, rolling my eyes at her.
She shot me a glare as she wriggled out of her jacket. There was a sly glint of amusement in her eye and I had a feeling I wouldn't want to hear what she had to say next. "I hear congratulations are in order, Black."
I quirked an eyebrow. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."
She smiled. A devious smile. A smile that I did not like one bit. "According to an article being published in the Sunday edition, your cousin is getting married tomorrow."
I froze. Considering I had two unmarried blood cousins, I didn't know who she was referring to. But I didn't honestly care considering both were engaged to murderous villains. "So what?"
"I just thought you'd want to know you're gaining another member of the family."
"I highly doubt you know anything about my family, Rouge," I grunted, glaring at her.
She snorted. "I'm a writer at the Daily Prophet, which thrives itself on giving the public the juicy information about Voldemort and his supporters. I know more than you think."
Hm. She had a point. I didn't know how much she knew and I was pretty sure I didn't really want to find out. "Well, as much as I appreciate being informed of a Death Eater marrying another," I said dryly, "I couldn't care less."
"No, but you might care that a certain groomsman – well ex-groomsman now – was just released from Azkaban."
I hesitated. The only person I could assume she was referring to was Regulus. "I highly doubt he'll be showing his face at the wedding," I snorted. "If he was let out of Azkaban, he must have released some names to the Ministry and his fellow Dark Arts supporters wouldn't be too pleased about that."
"Wait a minute," Kay finally chimed in, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "Who was just released from Azkaban? Or I guess a better question is who was sent to Azkaban to begin with?"
I slumped down in my chair. Yeah, I definitely should have stayed home tonight.
The table exchanged simultaneous worried glances and Kay frowned. "It's times like these I wish I was engaged to an Auror."
"Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said about me," Lance drawled sarcastically, a hint of a smile tugging on the ends of his mouth.
She let out a strained grin, turning back to the group. "Well? Who were you referring to, Keegan?"
She frowned ever-so-slightly, glancing undeniably in my direction. "Regulus," I interrupted before she could spill the beans, my tone harsher than intended. "Now where the hell is our waitress?"
I ignored the next set of concnered glances shared between my friends, gazing around the restaurant for our waitress, Michelle. I know that Keegan was trying to get me riled up and sadly, it was working. But one mention of my family was enough to make my blood boil. I hated every single one of them with such a fiery passion it actually made me physically ill. Everything they stood for made me cringe and shudder at the even remote possibility that I could have been one of them. That I should have been one of them. What if I had never been sorted into Gryffindor? What if my family name and their value system had actually settled harmoniously in the forefront of my mind? What if I had never turned my back on my family to live a life of solitary judgment just based on my surname?
I could go through the 'what ifs' until my head exploded but I quickly shook the questions from my mind. I had rightfully shunned the Black family name and everything they believed in the moment I was sorted into Gryffindor. And Keegan had no idea what I had gone through in the past twenty-one years nor should she pretend that she did.
I was grateful that everyone else knew to keep their mouth shut. I knew they were sending frantic looks at each other as my eyes were focused elsewhere but I'd rather them do it silently than express their concerns aloud.
I spotted Michelle's blonde hair walking out of the kitchen and I attempted to flag her down. Not only because I wanted a drink but because she had one hell of an arse that I wanted to get a better look at. She flashed me a smile and made her way over. The way her eyes were drawn to me I had a feeling I wasn't the only one with an attraction.
"We are in need of alcohol," I said, grinning slyly.
She giggled, batting her eyelashes at me as she leaned down towards the drink menu giving me a nice view of her perky breasts. A definite sign she was into me. "Well, what are you interested in?" she asked.
You, I couldn't help but think.
I noted the rolling of the eyes from Lily opposite me. "I guarantee what he's interested in isn't on the menu," she chimed in coolly.
I merely grinned myself and ordered a scotch. The rest of the table ordered their drinks and as the waitress left, I let my eyes linger on her tight buttocks.
"Could you be more obvious?" Lily snorted.
I turned back to her. "Yeah, probably," I said shrugging. It wasn't meant to be a joke but my friends laughed anyway.
"You probably don't even know her name."
"Not true," I argued, shooting her a look. "It's Michelle."
"It's Melissa."
Damn. "Oh. I was close."
She pursed her lips but seeing as James had just placed his hand on her arm and gave her a look signaling her to give it a rest, she didn't bother responding. At least one of them was intuitive.
And thankfully so was Fabian who quickly changed the subject. "Hey, guess which Hogwarts graduate I ran into today outside the Ministry?"
"Okay, I hate this game," Caleb Gilmore groaned, a hint of a smile on his face. "Every single time one of us runs into another Hogwarts student, we turn it into a guessing game. Why can't we ever just come out and say it?"
"Not nearly as much fun," James chimed in with a grin. "Give us a hint, Fabian."
Caleb rolled his eyes as Fabian snickered, continuing. "She was in Gryffindor."
"Oh, sure, that only narrows it down to like a hundred people," Lily snorted.
Fabian shrugged. "She was a prefect." He sent a brief, wary glance my way which did not go unnoticed by me and I instinctively tensed up. I knew who he was referring to immediately but I clenched my teeth, not bothering to chime in.
"That still leaves us with a few too many," spoke Kay.
Once again, his eyes fell on me. "Well, she definitely played favoritism to our dear friend Sirius."
I buried my head in my menu immediately, wondering why the hell I let James convince me to come tonight. Beer and WiziSports sounded so damned good right about now.
"That tells us nothing," Lily snorted. "If she's a 'she' of course she played favoritism towards Sirius."
"Can't imagine how," Keegan drawled.
If only stabbing someone with a dinner knife was legal. "Just because you show some distaste towards me, Rouge, doesn't mean the rest of the world does," I snapped. I was so not in the mood. First, I spent an entire day around a messy rubble that bloody Voldemort caused and now I was being insulted left and right from Lily and Keegan. "I'm pretty sure that waitress of ours wants to eat me up right now. In fact, I'm going to go see if I can track Melanie-"
"Melissa," Shannon reminded me.
"Melissa down," I corrected, shooting Keegan a look.
"Oh, Sirius, don't," Lily whined, making a face. "You can do better than her."
"Of course I can," I bragged. "I just choose not to."
"We're supposed to be having a nice Friday night dinner with our friends," she urged. "No skanks allowed."
"Well, then you probably should have mentioned that to Keegan," I snorted. Keegan flipped me off, glaring at me.
"Damn, I walked right into that one," Lily muttered, shaking her head as I jumped up from my seat and stalked off.
While a part of me did want to go off in search for Michaela—er, Melissa, and see when her shift ended, I also needed an excuse to escape before Fabian had a chance to tell the group who he ran into.
++REMUS++
Three years ago, I would have agreed with Lily that Sirius was being a tad immature. But over the past few months, I've come to realize that Sirius' womanizing habits weren't based on his maturity level. They were simply based on his level of loneliness. Anytime Sirius felt remotely empty or lost, he immersed himself with whatever girl was available. And hell, I didn't blame the guy. Believe me, if anyone should know what it was like to feel lonely, it was certainly me.
"Is that kid ever going to learn?" Lily muttered once Sirius was out of earshot.
"No," Keegan chimed in immediately, flashing her friend an amused glance.
"Lily, just let him live his life," James pleaded.
"You call this living?" she snorted. "I call it hiding."
No one responded, least of all me. There might have been some truth to what she was saying but I wasn't about to agree. I didn't need all of my friends thinking I was just as sad and pathetic as Sirius was.
I never thought that the friend I would commiserate and identify with the most was Sirius but heartbreak had its way of taking over one's mind, body, and soul. I tried to go on with my every day as I'm sure Sirius tried, but it's hard when all you want to do is pretend that the pain doesn't exist when in actuality, it permeates the way you live your life.
"May I ask something?" Keegan chimed in curiously.
All eyes fixated on her.
"Why do you care?" she asked Lily curiously. "I mean, it's like James said, it's Sirius' life to live. If he wants to be a womanizing, perverted player, no one's going to be able to change him."
We all stiffened slightly. I had a feeling that we were all thinking the same thing: that once upon a time, someone had changed him. A girl by the name of Riley Gilmore. Lance and Caleb, the brothers of said Riley Gilmore, exchanged a knowing look. The knowing look they often shared when mention of their sister was even hinted at.
Lily pursed her lips, clearly trying to come up with a reasonable explanation without overstepping any boundaries. "We've all seen him act better than this."
"Things change," James said, his tone dripping with bitterness. "People change."
"No, people leave," she corrected.
I grimaced, sensing the flicker of anguish on James' face.
"Huh?" Keegan interrupted the tension. I saw her glance around the table at the group, all of us finding a sudden interest in the dinner menu.
"Nothing," Lily quickly murmured. "Fabian, you never told us who you ran into."
A look of confusion fell across Keegan's face but I was grateful when she didn't interrogate Lily any further. Keegan was a great addition to our group of friends but I'm definitely for the notion of the less she knew the better. Especially when it came to Sirius. She already enjoyed endlessly mocking him and poking fun at him that I doubt if she found out that at one point in time he not only had a heavy heart but he had it broken, she wouldn't be very sympathetic. Although truth be told, I'm not even sure where Keegan stood on the subject of love. From the stories she's told, her boyfriends often haven't lasted longer than six months. I could tell it wasn't necessarily for lack of trying but instead for lack of caring. She had always seemed a bit more focused on her career and while she was certainly an excellent journalist (though she was rather stifled having Jasper Malone as her boss), it felt to me that she sometimes hid behind her work. I glanced briefly over at Fabian and wondered if their relationship had an expiration date in Keegan's mind.
Fabian's next words immediately took me away from my thoughts of Keegan. "Rachael LeBlanc," he announced.
I froze slightly. While I'm sure everyone else at the table was thinking about her manipulation and trickery that led to a break-up of Riley and Sirius, I was thinking about Rachael's former roommate and ex-friend who also just so happened to be my ex-fiancée. I desperately tried hard to ignore the fact that my heart started to race and wished I had a drink in my hand to distract me.
"Speaking of skanks," Lily snorted, making a face. "What is she up to nowadays?"
"Get this," Fabian smirked. "She married Zach Hamilton."
We all couldn't help but gasp in shock as Keegan and Shannon stared at all of us in utter bewilderment. "Well, they're perfect for each other," Kay snickered. "The two most manipulative, crude people I had ever had the misfortune of meeting at Hogwarts."
"And that's saying a lot considering the Slytherins we cohabited with," I snorted.
"Just please tell me those two haven't procreated," Lily groaned, glancing curiously over at Fabian. "I don't know if I can live in a world where children have spawned from the unity of Rachael and Zach's evilness."
Fabian sighed overdramatically. "They have a one-year-old son."
We all erupted into disgusted groans.
"If it helps, it was an ugly baby," he snickered. "She showed me a few too many photos of the kid."
"Y'know, that actually does help a little," James said, chuckling softly. "Those two deserve an ugly baby."
"Merlin, I hope that kid's a squib," Caleb murmured. "I can't fathom the idea of him being at Hogwarts with our son." Oh, yeah, has someone mentioned that Caleb and Shannon were going to have a baby in a few months?
Shannon shuddered, placing her hands protectively on her stomach. "Poor Barney."
"We are not naming our child Barney!"
Shannon rolled her eyes. "I'm just trying to honor my grandfather, Cal."
"Can we honor your other grandfather? Christopher is a name that would most likely not have our son on the end of endless amounts of purple dinosaur jokes."
The table erupted in laughter. Even Shannon couldn't help but giggle.
"What did Rachael and Zach name their child?" Peter asked curiously. "Devil? Evil Spawn? Voldemort?"
Slightly amused grimaces framed our faces.
"Nigel," Fabian responded. "But I'm pretty sure his middle name is Satan."
"Wow," Keegan chimed in. "You guys really hate these people. Dare I ask why?"
We all fell silent. To elaborate would mean to go into detail about a girl that we were all trying so desperately to forget.
She cringed and I could tell she felt guilty for asking the question even if she didn't know why. "Oookay, never mind," she muttered. "Where the hell are our drinks?"
That was a very good question.
"Do they still talk to anyone from their Hogwarts days?" James asked curiously.
I clenched my teeth, wishing to throw my fork at him.
Fabian shook his head. "Nah, but who would talk to them anyway?"
"Seriously," Peter muttered. "It's not like they really had friends. Just roommates who were forced to deal with them."
"You probably know all about the concept of roommates being forced to deal with you, hm?" Sirius' voice carried as he sauntered back over to the table. He flashed Peter a joking smile, earning a laugh from the rest of us. I was grateful for his return, wishing for the conversation to steer away from Rachael.
"Back so soon?" Lily snorted. "What, she shot you down?"
Sirius let out a loud 'Hah!' quirking an arrogant eyebrow. "Oh, please, have you seen me?" he said cheekily. Keegan pretended to stick her finger down her throat which went ignored by Sirius. "We'll be catching up later tonight."
Lily frowned, brooding silently. She picked up her menu to glare at it even though I had a feeling that glare was really directed towards Sirius. "Did you hear who Fabian ran into outside the Ministry?"
I cringed. I had a feeling the only reason she was bringing it up was because she was irritated with him and wanted him to share in her irritation.
"Lily," James warned.
Sirius' eyes narrowed at her. "I had already figured it out for myself," he said coolly. "But thank you for feeling the need to throw it in my face."
"And thank you for over-exaggerating," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "I didn't realize that casually mentioning the fact that Fabian ran into an old Hogwarts acquaintance was throwing something in your face."
After Riley disappeared, it almost seemed as if Lily filled the female best friend role for Sirius. She was always there for him and vice versa and often when James was stuck at work or on a business trip or away on an Order mission, she would spend her time with Sirius instead. Not that Sirius would ever admit it, but I think that Lily reminded him a lot of Riley and so he was just naturally drawn to her. But what came with the buddy-buddy relationship was the occasional need to bicker and snipe at each other. They reminded me of a brother-sister duo most of the time and it often drove me mad.
I could tell that Sirius was becoming increasingly angry, but he merely shot her a glare before picking up his menu. "Please tell me we're all ready to order."
"Why? Because the faster you eat the faster you can go add yet another notch to your bedpost? I'm surprised your bed is still standing."
Sirius slammed down his menu and I knew she may have taken it a bit too far. "Bloody hell, Lily, get off your high horse, will ya?" he sniveled before pushing back his chair and storming out of the restaurant.
"Lily," James started, but she interrupted him.
She shrugged. "He's right. We should order."
After what felt like an hour of silence but was probably only a few minutes later, Shannon being the sweet girl she was cleared her throat and, in an attempt to ease the tension, said, "So how was everyone's Friday?"
We all gazed up at her and suddenly, a laugh was escaping my lips. Caleb quickly followed with Keegan right behind him. And then we were all laughing, reminding ourselves that even with all of the crap we inevitably have to deal with, it was still easy to be happy when we were surrounded by friends.
++KEEGAN++
James, Lily, Fabian, and I traipsed back to our apartment. Even though James has a mansion about ten times the size of our apartment, I feel like he spends more of his free time at our place than at his. I think Lily likes coming back to our apartment—it's more homey and quaint. It fits her personality. And I had a feeling that James was trying to spend as much time as possible with Lily seeing as for the longest time, they barely spent any time alone.
"You guys want anything?" I asked as I headed towards the kitchen. "Coffee? Water? Cookie?"
James grinned. "You had me at cookie."
I chuckled. "What, your tiramisu at the restaurant wasn't good enough?"
"It's probably not nearly as delicious as your chocolate chip cookies."
I flashed him a grin. "Flattery will get you everywhere, m'friend."
As he and Lily fell on to the couch together and Fabian took over the lounge chair, I headed into the kitchen to grab the plate of cookies and four bottled waters. I tossed the three waters towards my friends and my boyfriend and handed them the plate of cookies, not before I grabbed one myself. "Can I ask a question?" I asked hesitantly, sitting on my boyfriend's lap.
"Of course," Lily said.
"Why do you all dislike that Rachael girl and Zach guy so much?"
The concerned glance between Lily and James didn't go unnoticed. However, Fabian looked more hesitant than concerned. "It's a long story," James eventually murmured, turning away from my scrutinizing gaze.
"I have time," I urged. I think a part of me enjoyed hearing stories from their school days. It was easier reminiscing with them than digging through my past. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute I spent at Beauxbatons, but with the tragedy that occurred after graduation and my quick fleeing from my hometown, it was really difficult thinking of a time when we were all happy.
"It's not really our story to tell, though," Lily explained slowly, sending me a guilty look. She really did look guilty but that didn't stop me from wondering why the hell everyone was being so evasive.
I frowned. "Is it Sirius' story to tell?" I asked hesitantly.
No one responded which told me the answer to my question was clearly yes. "You all seem to have a lot of secrets from back then," I snickered, ignoring the fact that I sounded like a total hypocrite.
"No, just one," Lily murmured, shaking her head irritably.
James shot her a look. "It's in the past, so let's just forget it," he muttered with a sigh.
"As exhibited by tonight, it's not in the past."
"To be fair, I think you're the one dredging up the past, not him."
"I'm not the one reverting to my childish ways in order to mask any real feelings I may actually have," she scowled.
I suddenly became very interested in the cookie in my hand, recognizing a bickering match on the verge of a fight. James and Lily didn't argue often; they were sickeningly in love most of the time. But when they did, they had a way of not caring who was in the vicinity and making the rest of us feel slightly uncomfortable. I exchanged a sheepish look with Fabian, who was staring intently at the water in his hand.
James pursed his lips, gripping his bottled of water tightly. "It's been three and a half years. I doubt he's still masking any lingering feelings he had from back then."
"Well, he's certainly not over it," Lily murmured irritably.
"Yeah, probably because you keep bringing it up," James pointed out, quirking a knowing eyebrow.
"So am I just supposed to ignore the large elephant in the room just because everyone else chooses to?" Lily snapped.
"You've been ignoring it for three and a half years, Lily. What's changed now?"
She frowned, her eyebrow knitting hesitantly. "A lot of time has passed, James," she spoke matter-of-factly. "When are we going to stop dancing around the subject?"
"When Sirius no longer wants us to," he sighed. "Can't you just let it go? For him?"
"Why is it always about Sirius?" Lily demanded. "He's not the only one who lost someone the day she walked out!"
James sighed. "No, but he was the one in love with her, so it does get to be about him a little-"
"Wait, what?" I sat upright in the chair, not sure I heard correctly.
James cringed, slumping down on the couch. He and Lily exchanged another look. "Nothing," he muttered, a flash of guilt passing over his face. "Maybe I should get going."
Lily shrugged curtly, clearly still annoyed with James for defending Sirius' actions. "Fine," she murmured.
James let out a slow sigh, climbing off the couch. "Look, Lily, I know you don't like it, but it's Sirius' life to live."
"Except he's not living it," she spoke hollowly, desperation in her tone. "He's drowning in it. And I can't stand to see him this way."
He frowned disapprovingly and finished off his water. He walked into the kitchen to chuck it into the recycling bin. When he returned, he fixed a stare upon Lily and said determinedly, "Just because he's not living his life the way you want him to doesn't make him any less of a person. He went through a tough time and sure, it's three years later so he should probably learn to get over it and sure, maybe he's masking true feelings with endless flirting, but did you ever think that maybe he doesn't want to be in a relationship? That he enjoys shameless flirting and he likes being the womanizer he is? Just because he once knew what love felt like doesn't mean he wants to find it again. He's perfectly content flitting from girl to girl and doesn't need you reminding him that he should feel like he can do better. Maybe he doesn't want to do better."
I could tell Lily was slightly taken aback by James' speech. Frowning, she said, "If he wanted to go from girl to girl because that's who he wants to be, I'd be okay with that. But he's going from girl to girl because he doesn't want to face the past. Hiding behind a broken heart is only going to make him feel even more brokenhearted. And I've seen him hurt too many times to watch him go through that again."
I met Fabian's gaze beside me and was surprised to see him nodding along as if he agreed with Lily. I didn't have even the slightest clue as to what they were referring to. The idea that Sirius Black had once been in love was a rather foreign concept to me considering all I saw in him was a chauvinistic womanizer.
James fiddled with the sides of his glasses like he often did when choosing his next words carefully. "You wanting him to not feel brokenhearted isn't going to change the fact that that's how he feels," he spoke softly. "His ways of dealing with it may not be ideal, but it's his choice how he wants to live his life. He's not going to change whether you want him to or not. So as his friend, you should stop judging him and just accept who he is. If you don't, you're looking at losing him as a friend and that's probably the last thing he needs right now." He shrugged hesitantly and without so much as a kiss, headed towards the front door. "I have to go into the office tomorrow for training, but I'll see you on Sunday?" Every Sunday there was a free standing coffee shop date for all of us.
Lily could only nod and seconds later, he disappeared.
"Wow," I muttered, mostly to break the silent tension.
Lily sighed, slumping down on the couch. "Am I the one being the idiot here? Or is it Sirius?"
I snorted, giving my roommate a look. "You're asking the wrong person."
She forced out a smile. "Right." She glanced over at Fabian. "Well, what do you think?"
Fabian hesitated. "I can't really say," he admitted with a shrug. "I wasn't really there when everything fell apart."
"But you were there before that happened," she pointed out.
Fabian nodded slowly. "I was merely an outsider looking in. You were more his friend and her friend than I ever was, so you would know better than I would who's being the idiot here."
"Way to be diplomatic," Lily murmured. But there was a hint of a smile on her face. She turned back towards me. "Sorry, but seeing as your boyfriend is remaining neutral, I'm going to need your opinion on the matter."
"I doubt you'd want my opinion," I said slowly.
She raised her eyebrow curiously. "Lay it on me."
I sighed, thinking back on what was said between Lily and James. "Look, it's really none of my business seeing as not only do I care very little about Black but I also have absolutely no idea what the hell happened in his past, but I am oddly siding with James on this. If you keep harping on Black, he's not going to want to be around you very much. Heartbreak is hard for everyone and it takes a while to move on from it. Yes, maybe even three years. Black will mellow out over time. But he's not ready to do that yet."
Lily hesitated, narrowing her eyes at me. I suddenly felt very exposed. "And what exactly do you know about heartbreak?" she asked curiously.
I became very invested in my bottled water, noting the piercing stare I was earning from Fabian. "What exactly does Black know about it?" I scrutinized.
She fell silent, averting her eyes toward the rug. "Look, I know you don't think very highly of him, but he really is a good guy," she murmured. "He's just had a lot to deal with."
"Yeah, I kinda figured that one out for myself," I responded with a shrug. "I just can't figure out why you're all so secretive about it." Once again, a very hypocritical statement. Pot, meet kettle.
I saw anxious hesitation in Lily's eyes as she swiftly got up off the couch and ventured into the kitchen. She came back a few seconds later with another chocolate chip cookie and leaned herself up against the kitchen entrance with a hesitant frown.
She briefly glanced over at Fabian who merely shrugged. I had a feeling that he didn't think it was his place to really talk about the past. From what I've heard, Fabian had been friendly with the Marauders but they hadn't become as close as they were now until after they all started in the Auror program.
Finally, Lily spoke. "Sirius fell in love once," she murmured. "And then she left. Walked out. In the middle of the night. Without so much as a goodbye or an explanation. None of us have heard from her since."
I felt my heart constrict within its chest walls. For the first time since I met Sirius, I almost felt bad for him. But only because I knew exactly what it felt like to unexpectedly lose someone you loved. It wasn't something I wished upon anyone. "Oh," I winced.
"She was my best friend," Lily continued with a shrug. "She was all of our friend. It wasn't just Sirius' life she disappeared from. It affected all of us. And-"
"And now you find it easier to pretend it never happened," I murmured, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. I knew far too much about avoiding heartache, not that I would ever admit it.
Lily nodded curtly. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "That really sucks."
"Yeah," she muttered. "Yeah, it does."
"Can I ask you something?"
She nodded.
"Are you over it?"
She quirked an eyebrow. "Over what?"
"Over your friend's sudden departure?"
Lily didn't respond but her eyes displayed a mixture of shock and regret. She eventually shrugged. "What does that have anything to do with?"
I knew that by her avoiding the question, it was a no. "Well, if you're not over it, then how do you really expect Sirius to be over it?"
She frowned, nibbling her cookie in much contemplation. "Well, fuck," she eventually swore. "When did you become so sensible?"
I forced out a laugh. I didn't know if it was meant to be a joke but I didn't want to admit that I've always been slightly too sensible when it came to moving on from heartbreak. "Not that I wouldn't mind seeing a little less of Sirius around here, but I think you probably know that you're being a tad unreasonable."
Lily sighed and fell back against the couch. "I just don't want him to lose himself."
I shrugged. "Maybe it's not so much him losing himself as it is him trying to find himself."
She gazed at me hesitantly. "Never thought about it like that," she muttered curiously. She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you sound like you know what you're talking about?"
I froze, shrugging curtly. "We've all had our share of boyfriend drama."
"We have?" Fabian interjected teasingly, a sly smile on his face.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, but that's clearly all in the past," I teased, kissing his cheek. I hoped that my heart wasn't beating as loud as I thought it was. Why was I letting my past suddenly catch up with me? I stifled a yawn and changed the subject. "You guys want to watch a movie or something?"
Lily hesitated, shaking her head. "No," she muttered. "I think I need to go talk to Sirius."
I wrinkled my nose. "Damn. I was really hoping you'd think losing him as a friend was the better way to go."
She smacked me with a pillow and we both erupted into laughter. "Why do you hate him so much?"
That question had been asked before and I've always kind of avoided it. Because truthfully, I didn't hate him. He just reminded me of Tristan. So it was a lot easier pushing him away than having a constant reminder of the guy I almost married. "I don't hate him," I said. "I just think he's a waste of space."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, as long as you don't hate him."
I laughed and waved as she left the flat. "What about you?" I asked Fabian. "Want to watch a movie?"
He grinned impishly. "Only if it's going to be background noise."
I smiled sheepishly and pressed my lips to his. "On second thought, let's forget the movie."
I really liked Fabian. But in the same way that I've liked all of my other boyfriends in the past four years. I had fun with them but I couldn't go much deeper than that. I knew it was best to keep some sort of distance from them because it would be easier letting them go when the time go. I couldn't go back to the person I was after losing my fiancé. It was too painful and took me way too long to ever really get over it. Not that I was fully over it today. But I'd like to pretend I was.
I had previously been living with my boyfriend, Damien, until he had proposed to me. It was then that I realized moving in with him had probably sent him the wrong message. Because Merlin knows that I will never be able to be someone's fiancée again. Knowing that it could all be over in a matter of seconds and all I'd be left with was a broken heart and a lot of tears weren't worth falling in love.
Believe me, I know.
++SIRIUS++
I was sitting out on my balcony with a beer in my hand when I heard a knock on my door. I was tempted to ignore it, wanting nothing more than to enjoy an already ruined night by drowning my irritation with beer. But the knocking persisted and eventually I trudged over to it, throwing it open. "What?"
I was shocked to see Lily on the other side of the door. "Y'know, after all of this time, I'd have thought you'd realize that James' door is across the hall."
She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm here for you, you prat."
I smirked. "Oh, to add another notch to my bedpost?"
She cringed. "First of all, ew. Second of all, I stand by my prat comment. Third of all, I'm sorry."
"For calling me a prat twice?"
"No," she urged. "I'm sorry that I've been so rude lately."
"The word you're looking for is bitchy."
She sighed, running her fingers through her hair guiltily. "Okay, fine. I've been a bitch," she finally murmured.
"Glad we established that," I retorted. "You want to tell me why you've been acting so nuts?"
She didn't respond.
"Lily, I know something is going on with you. I've been the same guy I have been for the past three years. So why have you been choosing recently to bitch and moan about my relationship habits?"
I saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes. I had a feeling I hit the nail on the head.
Without me inviting her, she sauntered into my room and took a seat at the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "You don't deserve the way I've been acting. I just think a part of me has been taking out my frustration with James on you."
"You're having frustrations with James?" That was news to me.
She shrugged awkwardly, staring down at her hands so as not to look me in the eye. "No...yes…maybe?" she admitted with a sigh.
I blinked. "You're confusing me."
"I'm confusing myself."
I frowned, completely bewildered. "So we're in agreement then?" I teased.
She shrugged.
"Seriously, Lily-bean, what's going on?" I sighed.
She met my gaze, desperation filling her eyes. "I know it's not something you advocate for, but I always thought I wanted to get married one day. And...and I've found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with," she murmured. "I just...I'm just beginning to wonder if I'm not the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with."
"Oh, please," I snorted, giving her a look of absolute disbelief. "That guy is madly in love with you."
She didn't respond but I swore I saw a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.
I frowned, leaning back against my dresser curiously. "You really believe he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you?"
She sighed. "I don't know," she muttered. "I'm probably making a bigger deal over this than I should be, but it's hard not speculating."
I knew that she had her anxieties about their future, just as much as he did, but in this moment, it wasn't anxiety I saw. It was fear. "Look, with everything that's going on in the wizarding world, it's easy to speculate. It's not so easy to trust."
"It's not about trust," she argued, shaking her head slowly. "It's about love."
"Yeah, and James Potter is head-over-heels in love with you."
She winced. "No, I know that," she muttered. "But…"
"There shouldn't be a but."
"There is, though," she muttered. "Because three years ago, he asked me to marry him. And he hasn't even acknowledged-"
"Hold up, what did you just say?" Again, this was news to me.
She froze, sighing sheepishly. "It was just in theory. It was two days after we graduated and we were both a little wary of the future. So we agreed that we'd get married one day. And I told him that the next time he asked me he'd better have a ring. And he said that the next time he asked me, I would definitely say yes. Well, it's three years later. And I'm beginning to think he changed his mind."
I frowned. "Why the obsession to get married, Lily-bean?"
I was shocked when I saw tears well up in her eyes. "I don't want to lose him," she said in a small voice.
Merlin, she looked so fragile. "What are you talking about?"
She hastily ran her pointer finger under her eye to stop the tears from falling. "Do you know how hard it is waking up every morning knowing that your boyfriend is going off to work for the most dangerous profession in the wizarding world? Do you know what it's like to wonder if that day there's going to be an attack and James will be sent to fight? Do you know what it's like to know he's sent to fight and I have absolutely no idea when or if he'll come back? Do you know how trying it is to see him step up and volunteer himself for dangerous Order missions? I'm...I am so tired of being afraid for him."
I hesitated. "So you want to marry him out of fear?"
She shrugged hesitantly. "I don't want to end up like Brite and Bianca," she said in a small voice.
My stomach twisted in a knot, thinking back to Brite's death which occurred only months before he was supposed to marry Bianca. I strolled over to the bed and sat down beside her. "You're that afraid of losing him?"
"Every day," she whispered.
A twinge of longing pumped through my heart. She was so clearly in love with James, to a point that it filled her with fear and anxiety. There weren't many times I missed the concept of love. Rarely, actually. But as I gazed at her, I was reminded of how it felt to have someone care for your well-being probably more than your own. I hadn't hated it. "Lily-bean, you-"
"You want the truth, Sirius?" she interrupted. I had a feeling she hadn't been looking for words of comfort or reassurance. It probably wouldn't have done any good and it wouldn't have eased her fear anyway. "You're probably the smartest one out of all of us."
My eyebrow arched skeptically. "You do realize you just called me smart, right?"
She cracked a smile. "We're living in a dangerous time. We're in the midst of a full-blown war. So maybe only having yourself to worry about is the best way to survive it."
I frowned, wondering when she became so paranoid and distressed. "Lily-bean, don't start emulating me," I muttered. "Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be."
She gazed over at me curiously, a hesitant glint in her eyes. "What, sleeping around doesn't satisfy you?"
I gave her a look. "Oh, it satisfies me plenty," I joked, poking her in the ribs. She squealed, pulling away from me. "But..."
"But?"
I bit down on my bottom lip anxiously, turning away from her probing eyes. My eyes slowly glanced back in her direction and I admitted the one thing that I've tried ignoring over the past three years. "It can get lonely sometimes."
She smiled sympathetically and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."
I shrugged. "I'm not," I said sincerely. "I like being single. I like being on my own. I like being independent. Just because every once and a while, I...I remember what it feels like to-"
"Be loved?"
I shot her a look. "To always have someone by my side doesn't mean I want that feeling back."
Lily nodded. "Well, are you going to try and get Melissa to be by your side?"
"Cute," I snickered. "And who's Melissa?"
"SIRIUS!"
I laughed. I ducked as she attempted to smack me on the back of my head. "I'm just kidding!"
"I was going to suggest going out for some drinks with a non-harrassing clause attached, but seeing as you're an ass, maybe I should opt out," she teased.
"Is calling me an ass not included in this non-harrassing clause of yours?"
She rolled her eyes. "I withdraw that clause. It's too difficult not insulting you."
I laughed and climbed off the bed. "C'mon, let's go get drunk." I extended my arms to her and pulled her off the bed as well.
She grinned and followed me out. "Okay. And I'll try to keep the insults to a minimum," she teased, linking arms with me.
"Lily-bean," I said, halting before my door.
"Hm?"
"James loves you. Always remember that," I spoke firmly. "It'll get you through the tough times."
She offered me a small smile. "I know he loves me. And I love him. More than anything. Sometimes it scares me how much I love him. I-I think about all the stuff he's had to deal with and I think about what's coming next, and I just don't want him to fall apart. He deserves better than that."
Their love could be so sickening to watch most of the time. But it was also refreshing and encouraging. It was as if knowing that those two were going to be together forever made it that much easier for the rest of us to live our lives. Maybe sometimes love was enough.
Just not for me.
"Lily, I know that it's really difficult just living in the moment, but it's what you got to do to get through each day," I said sincerely, giving her a sympathetic look. "Worrying and being afraid is going to make you go crazy."
She swallowed hard, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "One day at a time, hm?"
I nodded. Believe me, taking it one day at a time was something I was a pro at. "We can't predict the future. We can predict the present. We can make the present exactly what we want it to be."
"It's that easy, hm?"
"No," I said, probably a little too quickly. "But it's necessary."
She sighed. "Well, I know I can predict what's going to happen tonight," she said with a hint of a smile. "Someone is going to get drunk."
"Hm, tell me more about this someone. He sounds delightful."
She chuckled and I rushed over to James' door and pounded on it. "WE'RE GOING TO BLARNEY'S!" I did the same to Remus' room down the hall.
James trudged out of his room and I noticed a flicker of surprise when he was greeted by Lily. He shared a smile with her, kissing her forehead with a relieved sigh. Not sure what that was about, but I didn't really care. "REMUS!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" he cried out, opening his door. He was attempting to stick his head into a shirt hole with very little luck. He had clearly been in bed, planning on turning in for good. "Aren't you supposed to be calling up that waitress for a date tonight?"
I shrugged, peeking a glance over at Lily. "Nah," I said with a smile. "I'd rather spend time with you guys."
Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay?"
I snickered. "Yes. I don't always need a woman to make me happy, y'know."
I was on the receiving end of three blank stares.
I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to go to Blarney's or not?"
Remus laughed, nodding. "Yeah, let's go."
It was the first night in a long time that I just enjoyed hanging out with my friends instead of focusing on picking up girls. We drank, we laughed, we reminisced. It was just like old times. It was as if we were those teenagers again that knew how to enjoy life and not let the drama of the real world and the stress of our jobs affect us. I liked knowing that even for years later, I still had people in my life that would always have my back. Sure, we bicker. We don't always agree. But we are always going to be there for each other.
And at this point in my life, that's all I really needed.
++REMUS++
"Did you find anything out in the States today, Padfoot?" I asked with the third round of drinks. Er…fourth? Maybe even fifth? Let's just say we were all reasonably buzzed.
"Not particularly," he sighed, jingling the ice around in his drink curiously. "Mainly wands. Alice is stopping into Ollivander's on Monday to question him about some of them. A few dark robes found in the rubble and one mask but so far none of the John Does are fitting any Death Eater profiles. And there was some blonde bitch who acted like she owned the ground she walked on."
"Sounds like your kind of woman," I teased.
Sirius grinned. "I do like feisty."
"Why do you think California was attacked?" Lily mused, always the curious one.
"Good question," James murmured. "Can't remember the last time Voldemort bothered spending any time in America."
"Diversion?" Sirius suggested.
"Merlin, I hope not," I sighed. Whenever an attack was a front for a diversion, the diversion ended up being seemingly tame.
"Well, it wasn't the Executioner, that's for sure," Peter teased. Sirius had flooed over to his bar to drag him along with us. According to him it was Marauder bonding time. Peter not so subtly pointed out that Lily wasn't a Marauder but he earned four identical glares and he quickly shut up.
"Though assaulting an entire Muggle town was certainly his calling card," Sirius murmured, referring to the day the guy had gone completely crazy and attacked a small Italian Muggle town right after killing his family. And why? I doubt anyone will ever know. But a lot of the more recent attacks were reminding us of the day the descent of the wizarding world began. A day that really began with the Executioner going mad.
Sirius glanced over at Lily. "Wasn't there some sort of conference in the States last week?"
Lily pondered the question and eventually shook her head. "No, not last week," she disputed. "There's one this week that I'm being forced to go to." She made a face. "But it's in Philadelphia."
"Another business trip?" James groaned.
"Hey, at least you're pre-warned," she argued with a smug smile. "Wasn't it you who just last week disappeared for two days and I had no clue where you were?"
He hesitated, his beer glass halfway to his lips. "You can blame Scrimgeour for that one."
"It's easier blaming you since you're right here," she teased.
He shrugged. "Go ahead and blame me," he said slowly, winking in her direction. "I'll find a way to make it up to you later."
"Ew," I spoke.
"Gross," Peter murmured.
"Gag me," Sirius agreed.
Lily giggled, pressing a brief kiss against James' lips. "They're just jealous," she whispered.
"Suddenly I'm regretting not calling up Michelle," Sirius murmured.
"MELISSA!" four chorused voices rang out.
He grinned, raising his glass to us. "I know."
I rolled my eyes and swiped his glass, finishing off his firewhisky and cola.
He scowled at me. "Yeah, definitely wishing I was with Melissa right now," he muttered, but the ends of his mouth were turned upward.
"Don't you all ever go home?"
A familiar voice had us turning around to face the cute (and flirtatious) barmaid, Melinda. She grinned at us, leaning her arms up against our table. "I'm surprised you haven't attempted to throw cots in the storage room and move in here full-time."
Sirius' eyes lit up but before he could say anything, Lily clamped her hand over his mouth. "Way to put that idea in Sirius' head," she teased.
Melinda chuckled. "More drinks?"
"Yes, and Remus has graciously offered to pay!" Sirius spoke with a smug smile.
"I did nothing of that sort," I impugned, rolling my eyes.
"I don't care who pays as long as there's a large tip involved," Melinda spoke, tucking her blonde curly hair behind her ear humbly.
"You heard the woman, Lupin," said Sirius with a grin.
"Don't make me drink your next beverage as well, Black."
He laughed and slid his empty glass off to Melinda. "Firewhisky and cola, pretty please!"
"Make that two," I said with a shrug.
The other three shook their heads and Melinda headed back to the bar.
"I still think Georgia was hotter," Sirius mused.
"Who?" Lily dared to ask.
"That's only because Melinda has rejected every single one of your advances for the past couple years," Peter chimed in with a sly grin.
Sirius glared at him. "No need to bring up bad memories, Wormy," he whined, a pout appearing on his face.
"Only girl to ever reject Sirius Black," Lily spoke wistfully, a grin breaking out at the scowl on Sirius' face.
"Besides Keegan," James reminded her.
Sirius shuddered. "I hit on her before I knew she was a bitch. She doesn't count."
Lily glared at him.
"What? She is a bitch!"
Hesitant looks were exchanged among all of us. Truth was, she certainly did have a surly, bitter side to her. And yet, in a weird way, we all welcomed it. She didn't try to hide behind any insecurities or fears. She would say what was on her mind without thinking twice. Being a writer gave her the assertiveness to just be who she was. She was brash, she was straightforward, and she didn't care what people thought. And in a group of people who were good at keeping quiet about certain ordeals and who often walked on eggshells around each other (when it came to Riley and when it came to Jillian to name the most obvious), it was refreshing to have someone who wasn't afraid to tell the truth. The whole truth. Not some elusive version of a half-truth.
But clearly Sirius didn't think so.
A round of nervous chuckles satiated the table. "Who's hotter, Sirius: Keegan or Melinda?" I asked with a cheeky grin.
Sirius shot me a look. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response, Moonylicious."
"Paddington Bear."
The four Marauders burst into laughter, I finding myself amused by the furrowed brow and bewildered glint in Lily's eye.
"This is one of those times I'm better off not knowing, isn't it."
"Yes," was the immediate response from the four of us. Which for some reason sent us into another tailspin of giggles.
I blame the three…or four…or five drinks we've had.
"And do I dare ask who Georgia is?" Lily questioned.
"Some bird Sirius slept with," Peter responded.
Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I bother asking questions when I so clearly already should know the answer to them," she chuckled. "And I think I may have mentioned once or twice or ten times in the past that calling girls birds or chicks or skirts is going to get you absolutely nowhere with actually getting a girl."
"It works for Sirius," James teased.
"Yeah, but the ladies have trouble saying no to this face," Sirius said, flashing his usual grin as he circled his face with his finger.
"Not me," a voice from our right drawled. We turned and as Sirius pouted, the rest of us laughed as Melinda showed up with our drinks. She grinned, handing out the firewhisky and cokes to myself and Sirius.
Sirius sighed overdramatically. "You spat in this drink, didn't you."
"You know me so well," she teased, winking at us before rushing back to the bar.
"One of these days she's going to fall for me," Sirius spoke contemplatively.
"Pretty sure that's only going to happen with Amortentia," Lily teased.
Sirius' eyes lit up but before he could retort, Lily glared at him. "Don't even think about it."
He merely grinned.
++JAMES++
Lily and I traipsed into her apartment after Blarney's that night, my lips running down the back of her neck as she giggled at the tickling touch. "Thank you for tonight," I whispered, slipping my fingers teasingly into the band of her jeans.
I felt a chill run down her spine as she glanced up at me, hastily shutting the door behind us. "For what exactly?"
"For Sirius," I murmured, pressing my lips to her forehead. "I know it's tough for you to watch him flit around from girl to girl but he, and I, appreciate you letting him live his life, however he wants to live it. Even if he deserves better."
She sighed, traipsing off to her bedroom with me right behind her. "I know," she admitted. "It's just…I don't want him to look back on his life in a few years and regret any of it. I want him to live it to the fullest. Especially now that…" she trailed off.
"Especially now that we're in the middle of a war?" I finished her sentence.
She met my gaze, a reluctant crooked smile on her face. She didn't say anything, merely offered me a curt nod.
"This war can't change us," I murmured, dragging her over to the bed as I leaned down to kiss her. We both fell back on to her cozy bed and I reached for her pillow, propping it up behind me. I reached for her hand and pulled her close to me. She outstretched and rested her head on my shoulder. "We can't let it affect the way we live. Voldemort wins that way."
She hesitated, intertwining her fingers with mine fittingly. She ran her thumb over the back of my hand and locked eyes with me. "Are you going to take your own advice?"
My hand froze in hers. My initial instinct was to deny I had any clue what she was talking about, but I've never been very good at lying to her. Truth was, she probably knew me better than I knew myself. "I'm trying to, but it's…it's difficult sometimes," I admitted with a sigh, brushing a strand of hair from her face with a breezy kiss. I slumped comfortingly down on the bed and pulled her in tightly to me body, running kisses down her jawline. Eventually, I cleared my throat and continued. "My entire life is practically driven by this war. My job is to catch the bad guys and in doing so, I watch so many people either die or get sent to St. Mungo's with grave injuries or I have to comfort those who have lost loved ones due to Voldemort and his bloody men. And when I'm not being an Auror, I'm a member of the Order. Whose sole objective is taking Voldemort down. I feel like some days a minute doesn't go by where that bastard isn't on my mind. It's…it's draining. And…and sometimes I forget that there's more to my life than this war."
She smiled at me. A smile that I have long adored. "I know," she whispered, pressing her lips to the back of my hand. "We all do. But the moment this war controls our lives is the moment we lose control of ourselves. And like you said, it's that moment that Voldemort wins. And then everything we're fighting for becomes completely futile."
I nodded slowly. The problem was, I wasn't sure how to not let the war control me. Because I was pretty sure it already had. "When did you become so wise?" I teased, smoothing her beautiful hair behind her ear.
She responded with a soft kiss on my lips before moving down my jawbone until her head was back resting in the nook of my shoulder. It felt right, comfortable. As if we were two pieces to a puzzle that matched up perfectly. I buried my lips in her hair. "Listen, Lily," I said softly, drawing my arms tighter around her, "I know that we don't always get to spend a lot of time together with our busy schedules and whatnot, but please don't ever forget how much I love you. Because I do. And that will never change."
She remained mute, but I felt her body stiffen slightly underneath me. She fixed her stare on the opposite side of the room reluctantly. Her eyes were unfocused and timid, her mouth in a thin, hesitant line. I could tell she was actively avoiding my eyes. "Lily?" I muttered, brushing my hand up against her cheek.
Slowly, she turned towards me. "It scares me when you say things like that."
"When I tell you that I love you?" I said with a teasing smile. "Duly noted."
A frown spread across her face, not quite receptive to the joke. "James, when you remind me how much you love me it sometimes feels like you're reminding me so if the next day something happens to you, you know that nothing has gone unsaid."
I winced. Truth was, a lot of the time I did say the things I do because I was so afraid something could happen. To her, to me, to anyone. "Well, if you really don't like it, I won't tell you I love you anymore." I grinned.
She smacked me on the chest, a chuckle escaping. "Not exactly where I was going with that."
My lips found their way to her neck. "I know," I whispered. "But I do love you, Lily. So much. And I don't want you to ever forget that."
"I'll never forget it," she was quick to agree, shaking her head slowly. "You mean everything to me, James."
I slipped my fingers through her silky hair, kissing her forehead lightly. It was these small moments I couldn't live without. She was still so beautiful to me, so genuine and pure at heart. She kept me sane. She kept my head above water and I was so grateful to her for that. I couldn't imagine my life without her.
Except it was hard to ignore, no matter how hard I tried, that that day may come. Not willingly, but nowadays no one ever left willingly. "Lily," I said softly, my heart skipping a beat.
"Hm?"
I sighed, rubbing my temple guiltily. "If anything were ever to happen to me, I want you to-"
"No," she interrupted immediately, twisting around to face me with a hurt glare. "Don't you dare go there, James Potter. Don't you dare start thinking that!" Her voice was shaking, her bottom lip trembling. Her eyes were filled with horror and fear. "You can't think that. I just…I don't even want to imagine…oh, James."
"Shh," I whispered, silencing her with a kiss. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just-"
"You just nothing," she demanded, a few tears glistening in her eyes. "It's like you said, James. Don't let this war affect you. Please don't get all pessimistic and depressing on me now."
"I'm not trying to be pessimistic and depressing," I was quick to argue. "I'm…I'm trying to be realistic."
She couldn't get away from me fast enough, jumping up off the bed with a scowl. "You don't get it, James," she snapped, her voice soft with agony. She swallowed hard, trying to catch her breath as her bottom lip continued to tremble. She shut her eyes tightly, exhaling sharply. "You are my entire world," she whispered hoarsely, the words catching in her throat as a strangled cry escaped. "You're my family. You're all I have left, James. You mean more to me than I thought anyone ever could. So…" she trailed off, running her fingers through her hair vulnerably, "So realistically? Yeah, I realize that…that maybe one day you…perhaps you…I get that it's possible…you just…" she couldn't even say the words and I was quick to jump off the bed and rush to her side. I embraced her tightly, pulling her forcefully into my arms as she let out a defeated sigh. She wrapped her own arms around my waist and gazed up at me, a frown framing her beautiful face. "But I can't think about that. I just can't. I don't even want to go there. And I don't want you to either."
"Okay, okay," I whispered hastily to calm her down as I buried my lips in her hair. "I won't. I promise."
We stood there for a while, just holding each other and embracing the comfort we brought each other. It amazed me sometimes how much I still ached for Lily's love. After nearly four years, she was still the one who would make my heart melt. Her smile still left chills down my spine. I still found myself reaching over to run my hands through her curls because I couldn't imagine not doing so. I still smiled every time she crinkled her nose when she laughed. Her sparkling eyes still made my heart ache. She was the girl I was meant to be with. And I really hoped that never changed. I know that there were definitely times that I hid behind my work. Or my friends. Or my excuses. It was always something. But it wasn't because I didn't want to spend time with Lily. It was because I was determined to destroy Voldemort once and for all. Because then and only then will I ever feel like those around me will be safe. And that definitely included Lily.
She eventually broke the silence. "I hope you know that I love you, too, James," she whispered, but I cut her off by pressing my lips hard against her. Passion ignited between us, a heated yearning that brought me back to our days at Hogwarts. Where our love was enough to draw us together. Not fear or worry or desperation.
Just love.
++SIRIUS++
Remus and I were already downing our coffee and breakfast the following morning when James traipsed into the kitchen. He was still wearing the clothes from the prior night which made us both realize that he had just come back from Lily's apartment.
"You do realize that as nice as Lily's flat is, you have about twenty times the space here," I teased, chucking a piece of day-old blueberry muffin into my mouth.
James rolled his eyes as he wandered over to the coffeepot. "Yes, but there's less of a chance that we'll be interrupted by a certain dark-haired roommate who often has untimely arrivals."
I grinned. "You say untimely. I say impeccable."
While Remus snorted, James shot me a look over his shoulder. "How about you work on getting Melinda into bed before going after my girlfriend?"
I chuckled. James slid into an empty seat beside Remus with his coffee cup, reaching for a muffin. "So, James, when were you going to tell us that you proposed to Lily three years ago?" I asked.
James froze, his hand halting midair with a cranberry nut muffin in his hand.
"What?" Remus spewed out.
James met my gaze. "And a good morning to you too, Padfoot."
My eyebrow arched. "Answer the question."
"Can we repeat the question in case my hearing has somehow been shot?" Remus asked, clearing his throat timidly.
"Your hearing hasn't been shot," I argued, shaking my head. "Lily-bean has informed me that Prongsie asked her to marry him three years ago."
Remus hesitated. "Did she say yes?"
James glared at him. "Of course she said yes, you prat!"
"Well, what do you expect me to think when you two are nowhere close to getting married?" Remus snorted, glaring right back at him.
"It's because it wasn't a real proposal," James snapped, shooting a look in my direction. "It was just a spur of the moment kinda thing."
"What has changed since that moment?" I dared to ask curiously. "Because as Remus so delicately pointed out, you and Lily don't appear to be drinking the marriage Kool Aid as everyone else seems to be."
"We're not everyone else," James pointed out stubbornly. "And I'm not a huge fan of Kool Aid. Fruit punch isn't my thing."
"James," both Remus and I warned in unison.
He rolled his eyes. "Look, this is really between me and Lily so please don't speculate."
Remus blinked. "I assure you, we have no idea how not to speculate."
"It's true. We're pros at speculation. We should be awarded a medal for it," I agreed.
James rolled his eyes, taking a huge chunk of muffin and tossing it into his mouth. He swallowed it before saying, "Please just let it go."
I frowned. Glancing over at Remus I saw that he was frowning as well. "Us letting it go doesn't mean that Lily will be able to."
His eyes hastily met mine. I saw panic staring back at me. "I love her more than anything, Sirius," he spoke. Not the words I expected him to say, but before I could comment, he was grabbing his coffee and muffin and departing the kitchen.
I gaped at the kitchen door that he just left from, more confused than ever about James Potter. I turned to Remus. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means James will continue avoiding the topic of marriage."
I sighed. "Something he should be awarded a medal for."
A/N: Another chapter come and gone. I love the Marauders. All of them. So much. Can't decide which one I should marry. Review please.