Goodbyes On The Balcony

by ByeByeBirdie

3 years after Hogwarts, James and Lily are back with old and new friends by their side. Their lives are motivated by fear, their world surrounded by immense danger. As they each fight for their lives and for their loved ones in a world centered around Voldemort, the struggle to survive the war against him is nothing compared to the struggle to survive the wars within themselves.

4. Of Ambushes, Waffles, & Honeymoons

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has already invested their time and reviews into reading this story! I'm overwhelmed by it all! Not much to say here except please continue reading and please continue reviewing! The more you review, the more I will be inclined to update!

Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling and therefore own very little in this story. However, I was rather excited to see her on the opening of the Olympics last night!

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Goodbyes on the Balcony

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Of Ambushes, Waffles, & Honeymoons

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++PETER++

I shifted my position for what felt like the thousandth time that night as I felt my foot fall asleep. I was tired of crouching outside Lestrange Manor, the home of Rabastan, Rodolphus, and their father (probably one of the scariest guys I've ever met), Randolph. Word according to Dumbledore and Moody was that Rodolphus had been out of the country for months but has made his return. I had a pretty good feeling it was Severus that had told them. I knew he was a spy for both sides.

Just like I was.

Only difference was, Snape was doing it for the good of those fighting against Voldemort. I just so happened to be on the opposite side.

I would never tell the Dark Lord about Severus' double-agent side for two reasons. One, I would never want anyone to out me. And two, I could only imagine what Lord Voldemort would do to Severus Snape if he found out he was only acting like Death Eater in order to run off to Dumbledore with any news he received. And as much as the guy irritated me beyond belief, I wouldn't wish a painful death upon anyone.

Severus Snape had no idea that I was working undercover for Voldemort. Undercover being the key word. I kept a low profile. I had to for my own safety.

I groaned. Safety. Ironic considering I was putting the safety of my oldest, and only, friends in immense jeopardy.

I'm not proud of what I did. But I had no other choice. And I know you're probably screaming at me right now and calling me a coward and telling me that we all have choices. But what was I supposed to do? Bellatrix had been stalking me for weeks. Months. Threatening me. Attacking me. I had bruises on my abdomen to prove that. I had no doubt in my mind that if I avoided her and turned her down for a tenth time, I would have wound up dead. I had considered going into hiding, but I knew they'd find me. They have ways of tracking people down and torturing them. I had no desire to life a life in fear just like I'm sure Wynona Wilkes was living. We had both been recruited by other Death Eaters for weeks. Wynona eventually told me she couldn't be a part of a crowd that had killed her own parents just to get to her and told me I was welcome to come with her. I turned her down.

This was the part where you call me a coward again.

And this was the part where I agree.

I still shuddered when I recalled the last encounter I had with the scary Bellatrix Black. She had wandered into my family's pub, like she so often done in the past few weeks, and perched on one of the bar stools. "Hello, Petey."

Her voice gave me chills. Still did. My hand had frozen on the bottle of firewhisky I was pouring as I slowly turned around. "Y-you really need to stop popping in here," I spoke, praying my voice wasn't as shaky as I felt. "You do realize that people know who you are, right? My…um…my father knows who you are. People are going to start talking. Especially since you're supposed to be out of the country."

She had smirked at me, leaning in close to me. "You don't worry your pretty little head about that. I have ways of making people not talk."

More chills ran down my spine. "What do you want from me?" I had spoken in a hushed, fearful tone.

"It's not about what I want, Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater," she snorted. "It's about what the Dark Lord wants. And for some unknown reason, he thinks you'd be a perfect fit with his many, many plans."

I froze. "What…what kind of plans?"

"Plans that don't concern you unless you agree to join our ranks."

I didn't say anything, ignoring the calls from the nearby patrons asking for another drink. "Why…why me?"

"I don't question Master's intentions," Bellatrix hissed, her lips curling up into a snarl. "But I've got a pretty good feeling he knew you'd eventually say yes. Your friends don't appreciate you, Peter. And you know it. You're expendable. They're the ones fighting this stupid war. You're just a mere sidekick. Do you want to continue being a sidekick, Peter? Or do you want to make a difference?"

Once again, I was silent.

"What you have to understand, Petey, is that the Dark Lord is going to win eventually. Once he takes over, once those standing in his way are dead and buried, once the Ministry falls and it's all about him, your little friends won't be able to stop him. No one will be able to stop him. So don't defy him, Peter. Unless you want to be one of those fools who winds up dead and buried."

At that point, I was too scared to say anything.

"Of course, knowing Master, he will make you watch all of your so-called friends die before you. And he will laugh at your expense."

"Are you trying to scare me?"

"I'm trying to tell you the truth," she sneered. "This is your last chance, Peter. I can't promise that the Dark Lord will be recruiting you any longer if you refuse again. The only thing I will promise you is that your life is as good as over."

She had thrown a few more threats my way before I knew she wasn't kidding. She wasn't just saying it to say it. Believe me, there had been enough people she had killed in cold blood for me to know that I was good as gone if I didn't just agree to help however I could. I had originally tried giving as little information to Voldemort as possible but he saw right threw me. He had tortured me nearly to death before I realized my life was now in his hands. He was my Master now. It was no longer Dumbledore and the Order.

I groaned as I once again shifted my position, trying to stop myself from yawning. These stakeouts could go a lot quicker if Severus just finished his work on the Locating Liquid Potion. Death Eaters couldn't be discovered by tracking charms so a potion seemed the only logical way to go. I may have been forced into the role of a Death Eater but I wanted Voldemort and his minions destroyed probably now more than ever so I can stop being this horrible double agent.

I glanced over at James who looked exhausted. But we've been on this stakeout for five hours already and he had put in a full day of physical Auror training so that was expected. He shifted his weight surreptitiously, stifling a yawn.

"If he hasn't left the house by now, do you think he ever will tonight?" I whispered.

"You really think these Death Eaters are going to host clandestine meetings in the middle of the day?" Sirius snorted. "Midnight to them is like a normal person's noon. Just sit tight."

"My foot's asleep," I muttered irritably.

"Then switch positions but pipe down, will ya!" he snapped.

"Shh!" James finally interjected, glaring at both of us. "The front porch light just went on. Will you send the signal to the others?" Remus, Fabian, and Gideon were staking out the back of the house.

"Maybe they're just sending their cat out?" I suggested in a teasing sort of way.

I wasn't surprised when I got two identical glares sent my way as Sirius pressed his wand to the palm of his hand, spelling out Remus' name with a heating spell. I knew that Remus would feel the heat against his hand with Sirius' name staring up at him.

"It's all three of them," James murmured, his eyes peering out from the bush. "You think Dumbledore was right? That there is some gathering occurring in Hazelton of some of Voldemort's righthand men?"

I held my tongue. There was supposed to be a gathering until I warned the Dark Lord about us finding out about it. Now I believe we were heading into an ambush. Thankfully what the Lestranges didn't know was that there were three more of us in the back. Mostly because I hadn't known it was going to be six of us until about twenty minutes before we started the stakeout.

My heart started beating wildly out of my chest as the three Lestranges walked up their front walkway, clad in dark dress robes. I could barely hear the rustle of the leaves and the loud breathing from Sirius and James over the beating of my heart when they met the end of their walkway. I knew that they couldn't apparate until on the outskirts of their Manor (like most wizarding homes, they had a protective shield around their property to keep unwanted visitors out). But I also knew the plan wasn't to actually apparate. It was to attack.

And in seconds, a hole was being blasted in the bush we were hiding behind and James and Sirius were scrambling to get out of the way of curses on the end of the Lestranges' wands.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" the patriarch of the family cackled.

"Peter, move!" Sirius hissed, grabbing my collar as he cried out "Absidio!" Rabastan and Randolph ducked before they could be slashed in the chest.

I grabbed my wand, thrusting a stinging hex at one of the Lestranges (I was too busy being dragged in the opposite direction to figure out which one).

"Patronus Declamo!" James cried out. He flicked his wand and hissed, "Find Remus and tell him we need help!" A foggy stag appeared out of the end of his wand and I knew it would be prancing over to the others in the back to let them know we needed help, just in case they hadn't heard the clamor thus far. "Adstringio!" he shouted, ropes falling from his wand towards Rodolphus. He had tried ducking but the ropes caught his legs and he fell to the ground in one swoop.

"Is that all you got, Potter?" Rodolphus sneered, an evil smirk playing on his lips as he ignored the scrapes on his hands. "Crucio!" he screamed, his wand pointed directly at James.

Sirius and I watched in horror as James fell writhing to the ground. Me, I just froze, but thankfully, Sirius stepped in. "Petrifocus Totalus!" he shouted, but Rodolphus rolled to the side, his wand still pointed at James who was now desperately trying to not scream out in what I could only tell was sheer agony. Rodolphus ducked as Sirius tried sending another spell at him but my eyes were focused in on James, who was thrashing back and forth in uncontrollable pain. Before I could even attempt to figure out a spell to stop what was going on in front of me, a strangled shout escaped James' mouth. A shiver ran down my spine at the utterly painful sound coming from my best friend. James Potter didn't show weakness so his screaming alone told me he was in sheer agony.

"STUPEFY!" Sirius screamed frantically, shaking me from my horror, and finally Rodolphus groaned as he fell to the floor, his wand losing contact with James. James finally stopped flailing, but the tormented groans that erupted from his mouth gave us both warning that he wasn't doing well at all.

"James," Sirius cried out in a grateful whisper, rushing in front of his friend to keep from anyone else going after him. Rabastan cackled at Sirius' clear show of heroicness and thrust his wand in his face.

"Ex-expelliarmus!" I squeaked towards Rabastan, but Rabastan's wand merely twitched.

"Dammit, Peter, you can't even do a goddamned disarming spell correctly!" a familiar voice screamed out. I whirled around to see Remus, Fabian, and Gideon rushing towards us. "Expelliarmus!" Remus shouted. Rabastan's wand was thrown into the air towards Remus.

"Confring—Oh!" Randolph cried out as he was hit with a tongue-tying curse. Rodolphus was slowly gaining consciousness as he glanced up nervously at the doubled group of people fighting against them.

In a matter of seconds, jets of bright light flew from everyone's wands. It was utter chaos, but it was clear that our side was coming out on top just by sheer numbers.

"Peter, you are so dead," Rabastan sneered as he grabbed his brother's arm. I knew he was referring to not being let on about the whole truth of that evening. "Bro, Dad, let's get the hell out of here!" he cried out, knowing being wandless and being outnumbered was clearly not in his favor.

"Yeah, you better run!" Gideon cried out as the three Lestranges rushed back towards their Manor, throwing curses back towards them until they were out of the sight.

"James, are you okay?" Sirius asked immediately, rushing to his best friend's side.

James could only slowly nod, not even able to get out a word.

"What happened?" Remus asked, trying to catch his breath. It was obvious the three of them ran over to help us as fast as their feet would carry them.

"Rodolphus attacked James with the Cruciatus curse," I spoke, picking myself off the ground.

Remus frowned, glancing down at his friend. James' eyes were shut tightly as he attempted to fixate on breathing evenly. "Hope you're not partial to these robes, James," Remus sighed, ripping them open to take a closer look at any internal damage. There was a bright bruise already forming on his chest that made us all cringe.

"I'm okay," James choked out hoarsely as his eyes fluttered open, trying to push Remus away.

"You will be, but we should get you to-"

"I'm not going to St. Mungo's," he muttered stubbornly, letting out a painful cough. "Just give me a few seconds, will ya?"

Remus sighed, looking up at the rest of us. None of us spoke for quite some time, all of us clearly trying to just digest the ambush we just witnessed.

Eventually, it was Fabian who spoke up. "They knew we were here, didn't they?"

Sirius nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "They knew the three of us were here. It seemed they weren't expecting six of us though. Thank Godric Dumbledore decided to put surveillance on the back of their property as well."

James groaned as he slowly sat up. Remus glared at him, gently nudging him back towards the ground. "Don't make any sudden movements, Potter."

James glared back at him. "I'm fine!" he urged in a whisper, smiling what could only be described as a weak smile. "In three years, we have never been ambushed. Why now?" he muttered, rubbing his chest with a slight wince.

I prayed that I didn't look guilty.

"I blame Severus," Sirius grunted. Sirius had been saying for years that Severus Snape wasn't one to trust. We had all somewhat tuned it out.

"Dumbledore trusts him," Fabian chimed in. "So we should, too."

"Clearly someone is untrustworthy," Sirius snapped. "Not a whole lot of people knew we would be here tonight."

"Including Severus," Remus pointed out in a murmur, his gaze still hesitant on James.

Sirius frowned. "Oh. Right."

"Look, can we discuss this elsewhere?" Gideon sighed, casting an uneasy look towards the Manor. "Who knows what they're doing in there. They could be calling for backup."

"Yeah, let's get to the basement of the Hog's Head," Sirius agreed. He turned to James. "You okay to-"

"Stop fussing over me," he growled as he slowly stood up from the ground. Remus reached out to help him up. He winced, still clearly in pain, but he put on a brave smile as he stood in front of us. "It's not like he tried to Avada Kedrava my arse."

"That is so not even close to being funny," Sirius snapped, glaring at his best friend. "C'mon, let's go."

As we all apparated to Hogsmeade, I couldn't help but send a last glimpse towards the Lestrange Manor wondering if, or what, was going to happen to me when the Lestranges told Voldemort that the intended ambush didn't go as planned.

It took two days but to answer that question, I was badly beaten and struck with a few Cruciatus curses.

I desperately needed to find a way out.

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++FABIAN++

Dumbledore wasn't pleased when he found out we had been ambushed. In fact, he was downright livid. Our stakeout had only been planned twelve hours before it actually happened so very few people had been informed, leaving the unanswered question hanging in the air: how the hell did the Lestranges know we were doing a stakeout of their Manor?

He had finally dismissed us, telling us all to go home and go about our normal routines while he did some digging. He said he'd be in contact with us when he either had information or he had our next assignments. I had a pretty good feeling that while Dumbledore often had the answers, he wouldn't be able to find the answer to why we had been ambushed that night. I wondered if that would forever remain a mystery.

I mosied on over to Keegan's apartment that night. I knew it was late but I desperately wanted to be with her. She didn't know much about my extra-curricular activities (I didn't need to inform her that on top of being an Auror I was hunting down Voldemort and Death Eaters in my spare time as well), but when I slipped into her bedroom that night, she knew immediately that something was wrong.

While it was way after midnight, I wasn't surprised to see her holed up with an article in her hand and an empty glass of wine on her bedside table. "Hey," I whispered, shutting the door behind me.

"What happened?" she asked instantly.

"What? Nothing," I lied, shaking my head as I crawled into the bed beside her.

"You're lying," she sighed, pressing her cool hand to my cheek.

I glanced over at her and after kissing her, muttered, "Got ambushed tonight."

"What?"

"By…by Death Eaters."

She froze, her mouth forming a shocked O. "And this is why I hate dating Aurors," she said with a slight teasing smile.

I didn't point out that the ambush had nothing to do with me being an Auror. I merely grabbed her bedspread and pulled it over myself before placing my arm around her shoulders tightly. I brought her close to me, kissing the side of her face as I glanced down at the parchment in her hand. "What are you working on?"

"You talking about my work isn't going to make me forget you got ambushed."

I made a face. "I'm fine, Keegan," I whispered, sensing the panic in her voice. "I got away scratch-free."

A shy smile crept on to her face. "I'm going to have to inspect every inch of you to make absolutely sure you're not lying."

I grinned as I grabbed the parchment out of her hands and threw it on to her bedside table. "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind," I whispered, my lips crashing against hers in a fiery passion.

Later, as we lay there naked in bed I realized how much I depended on Keegan. When I needed to get away from the turmoil that had invaded my life because of the war, she was there to keep me reminded of the good in the world.

"I can feel you staring at me," she spoke and I recoiled in surprise.

I chuckled, pressing my lips against her neck. She giggled, the touch of my lips tickling her. "If you keep doing that, I'm never going to be able to get back to work."

"Good, you work too hard."

She rolled over to face me, a smile playing on her lips. "I have to work hard if I'm ever going to be taken seriously."

I sighed. "I know. I hate that just because you're female, you get the brunt of the work."

"Hm. I thought what you liked best about me is because I am female."

I laughed, burying my lips in her hair. "No, it's definitely your dry sense of humor."

She grinned, reaching over me to her bedside table to pick up the article I had previously thrown on it.

I slowly sat up, glancing at the page in front of her. "So what are you working on?"

"Editing. For Tyrone Glesky," she muttered, making a face. "Because apparently editing a man's work is all I'm good for."

"Oh, you're good for much more," I urged, winking suggestively.

She laughed, shoving me playfully before kissing me. "Stop being cute. I need to finish editing!"

I grinned, kissing her cheek as she picked up her quill. "What's the article?"

"A post-attack interview with Humphries." The Second-in-Command at the American Auror offices.

I sat up curiously, looking over her shoulder. "Oh yeah? Any insight?"

She glanced at me, a smile playing coyly on her lips. "You can never stop working, can you?"

I shrugged. "Probably not."

She chuckled and returned her gaze to the article in front of her. "Humphries seems to be as lost as the rest of us as to why the west coast was attacked," she spoke, answering my previous question. "Though Glesky thought it might have something to do with the fact that Humphries' daughter seems to be MIA."

My eyebrow arched almost immediately. "He said his daughter had disappeared?"

"Not in those words, but Glesky mentioned she had been traveling and was supposed to return last week but never did."

I frowned, suspicion creeping in the back of my mind. "Where was she traveling?"

"Not sure. Somewhere around the States I think," she murmured, her focus clearly on the article still.

I couldn't be sure why, but I felt the hairs on my arm slowly stand up. I turned to her attentively, clearing my throat. "Keegan, start from the beginning," I said hesitantly. "What did Humphries say about his daughter exactly?"

"Nothing really," she spoke, turning to me in bewilderment. "Why? What are you thinking?"

I frowned hesitantly, slowly shrugging. "Any chance she was traveling on the west coast?"

Her gaze turned to shock. "You think she…she might have targeted?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "She could have been."

She slowly frowned. "That sounds confident."

"I don't need to be confident. I just need to know it could have been a possibility." Without saying anything else, I slowly climbed out of bed, reaching for my clothes and throwing them on haphazardly as Keegan attempted to figure out what I was trying to do.

"Fabian, hold on," she spoke, sitting upright. "Don't overreact. You barely have any information on the situation. At least wait until-"

"Until what?" I asked, turning to her with a frown. "Until the next attack occurs?"

I didn't let her reply as I rushed out of the room. I pounded on Lily's door incessantly, my fists growing red. But I barely noticed.

Eventually, the door opened and Lily was glaring at me, her eyes weary. "What the hell are you doing knocking on my door at three o'clock in the bloody morning?"

"Are you alone or is James here, too?" I asked frantically, having a pretty good feeling that after the night we had James would be there.

She blinked. "You knocked on my door for him?" she muttered dryly. "I'm officially annoyed."

"No, I'm here for the both of you," I retorted, shooting her an impatient look. "Is he here or not?"

She rolled her eyes, opening the door further up to reveal her boyfriend lying on the bed asleep. "Yes, he's here. Because apparently he can sleep through excessive loud knocking, the big lug."

I shrugged. "Sorry if I irritated you, but I think I know what may have happened on the west coast."

She stared at me in shock before exhaling sharply. "You couldn't have led with that?" she said, her eyebrow arching accusingly. She whirled around and grabbed her pillow, smacking James with it. "James, get up!"

He stirred groggily, peeking an eye open. "What the hell are you doing hitting me at three o'clock in the morning?"

I rolled my eyes at the similar wording that came from Lily earlier.

Lily continued. "Fabian's here and-"

"So?" he groaned.

"He thinks he might have an idea of what happened on the west coast."

James shot upright, his eyes growing in shock. "You couldn't have led with that?"

I blinked. "You two are really meant for each other."

"Er…not sure what that's supposed to mean, but can we get to the matter at hand?" James asked, shooting me a look. "How the hell could you possibly know what might have happened in the States? We spent the entire night together."

"Keegan," I said with a shrug.

Two blank stares looked back at me. "Yeah, we're going to need more information," said Lily. James nodded vigorously.

"Well so do I," I said. "We need to get to Moody."

"What? Why?"

I whirled around at the sound of Keegan's voice. I kissed her side of the face as I heard James and Lily searching for appropriate clothing to wear to wake up the Second-in-Command of the Auror offices. "I'll explain later."

"Like hell you will. Explain it now."

I pursed my lips. I hated getting her involved in the dangerous aspects of my job. I didn't want her to worry. "He knows Humphries," I said slowly. "Maybe he'll have answers."

"Fabian, what if you're blowing this out of proportion?" she asked hesitantly. "It could be nothing. It could-"

"But it could be something. And one of the most important things I've learned from being an Auror is that time is of the essence."

"You think Moody is going to appreciate being woken up by two of his employees and their girlfriends at three in the morning?"

I sighed. "Girlfriends? As in plural?"

"I'll be damned if I'm going to let you go alone."

I frowned. "Keegan, you're better off-"

"With you."

My frown intensified. I didn't want here anywhere near this situation. One, because I had no idea what I was going to find. And two, she had absolutely no idea about the Phoenix of the Order and I would be shocked if the Order didn't somehow come up in conversation with Moody.

"If you're going, I'm going."

I swore under my breath but eventually she nodded. I knew she meant it and I was wasting valuable time trying to argue with her. "Alright, fine, but only if you tell me everything you know about Humphries' daughter on the way over to Moody's."

"Deal."

And that's how the four of us ended up on Alastor Moody's doorstep at slightly after three o'clock in the morning.

---

++JAMES++

It could have been nothing. It was such an insignificant detail that may have just been pure speculation on Fabian's part. But I often realized that it was those tiny hunches that inevitably turned out to be fatally true.

Fabian knocked hesitantly on the large wrought-iron door. We all waited impatiently, wondering how Moody was going to choose to chew us out when he finds us on his doorstep due to a hunch.

Turns out, he wouldn't chew us out. Because our hunch was dead-on. We just happened to be too late.

When the door was thrust open, Moody came barreling through it, stopping short when he saw us there. "What in Merlin's beard are you all doing at my door at this time of day?" he grunted, trying to catch his breath.

Clearly, he had already been on his way out. "Er…Fabian has something to tell you," I said sheepishly.

Fabian shot me a look. "Gee, thanks."

"Can it wait until morning? I have grave business to attend to."

"Not really," Fabian murmured, the tip of his ears turning pink. "It's about the west coast attacks and Humphries' daughter."

I could have sworn remorse flashed across Moody's face. "Who told you?" he said softly.

We all exchanged confused glances. "Told us what?" I dared to ask.

He shot us an impatient look. "About Humphries' daughter."

"Keegan," I spoke.

She looked like she wanted to crawl away the way Moody fixed his stare on her. "And how did you find out?"

She hesitated. "Found out what exactly?" Ever the journalist, answering a question with another probing question.

Moody frowned. "Marianna Humphries' mangled body was found in the Grand Canyon a few hours ago."

Four identical gasps filled Moody's doorstep.

His eyes filled with impatient guilt. "If you didn't know she was murdered, then what are you doing here?"

None of us spoke, still too horrified about the news. Finally, Fabian cleared his throat. "We came here to tell you that Humphries' daughter disappeared," he spoke softly. "But apparently that's old news."

Moody hung his head contritely, nodding slowly. "Alas, you're just a few hours too late."

"Why her?" Lily croaked out, finally speaking. "Why Marianna? What did she ever do?"

As Moody's eyes met hers, I sensed burden peering back. He didn't reply immediately, his emotions wavering back and forth amongst bewilderment and curiosity and guilt and finally settling on reluctance. I saw his gaze flicker ever-so-slightly on Keegan before turning back to Lily. "She was recruiting ex-Aurors in hopes of forming an organization solely focused on hunting down Voldemort and his followers to prevent them from taking over the wizarding world."

My heart nearly stopped and based on the pale faces that overcame Fabian and Lily, their thoughts rested heavily on the Order of the Phoenix at that moment.

"Isn't that what you guys do?" Keegan asked, confused.

Four heads whipped to face her in panic. "What?" we all cried out with wide eyes.

She offered us a baffled gaze. "As Aurors."

I'm pretty sure a sigh of relief escaped my mouth. "We try to," I spoke softly. "But our focus is on protecting the wizarding world from all crime. Not just Voldemort's bullshit. We have more on our plate than an organization like the one Marianna tried to form would have had."

Keegan didn't look convinced but merely nodded sullenly. "Does the Daily Prophet have word of Marianna's death yet?" she murmured.

Moody shook his head. "No, the details are still very much indistinct. So don't go running your mouth to them, Miss Rouge. I'll give you the scoop when I know more."

"Like I haven't heard that one before," she spoke, but a hint of a smile rested on her face.

If the situation were anything but humorous, Moody may have chuckled. But he didn't. He merely offered her a curt nod. "I'll have more answers by tomorrow," he spoke with a sigh as he glided past us. Seconds later, he had apparated and was gone.

The four of us remained rooted on the doorstep, our thoughts heavily weighted with so many questions and concerns.

Eventually, Keegan broke the silence. "No one is safe anymore, are they."

None of us bothered responding. We all knew what the answer was anyway.

---

++SIRIUS++

I was awoken by James early the following morning so he could tell me about Humphries' daughter. I was speechless. Which is quite unheard of from me. First, an ambush outside the Lestrange's home. Next, the death of the American Second-in-Command's daughter. What was going to happen next? A betrayal from a friend? An attack in our very backyard? The death of the Minister of Magic?

I rid those thoughts from my head immediately, refusing to even go there.

"How's Humphries doing?" I had asked softly.

James shrugged. "Not sure. But Moody had been on his way over to Humphries earlier. And I think for the first time that I can ever remember, he's going as a friend and not as the Second-in-Command."

I merely nodded. "I pray that Voldemort never finds out about the Order," I murmured. "He'll come after all of us for sure."

James' eyebrow knitted as he frowned. "And that will be different from now how?"

I met his concerned gaze and thought of his fallen brothers. "James, I-"

"This war is real," he spoke softly.

My heart ached at the despair in his voice. "Tell me something I don't know," I whispered.

"I need to get back to Lily," he said, climbing off my bed frantically.

"What? You just came from there."

"If she thinks she's going on that damned business trip to Philadelphia, she's crazy."

He rushed towards the door. "That trip is still on?" I asked, shocked.

"According to her, the American Ministry doesn't want to give Voldemort the satisfaction of being the reason behind any change of plans."

"Hm," I murmured. "That actually makes sense."

"She's still not going."

"You're never going to be able to convince her not to go," I pointed out as he attempted to flee.

He stopped in the doorway, turning around to face me. There was a glint of desperate longing in his eyes. "I know," he murmured. "But I've got to try."

"What are you so worried about?"

He frowned, leaning against the doorframe glumly. He didn't respond immediately, his brow furrowing vulnerably. "I just want her with me," he whispered.

Before I could figure out a proper response, he was out the door.

As expected, he couldn't convince her. But I don't think it was ever about trying to keep her from going. After hearing about Marianna, it was just about wanting to be with the girl he loved and needing to keep her safe.

He was annoyingly worried about her over the next three days and literally raced over to her flat the moment she returned on Friday night. Remus, Peter, and I joined them (much to Keegan's chagrin but it amused me to irritate her so) as we read over the article that Keegan had rightfully written about Marianna Humphries' unfortunate death. Moody had passed along insider information to her as he promised he would and he had set up an interview for her and some of the Aurors in the North American Auror offices. Malone apparently hadn't been terribly pleased as he often found enjoyment out of stifling the female writers, but Moody had insisted and who could ever say no to Mad-Eye Moody?

After we all examined the article and chatted about the state of the wizarding world, it came as no surprise to any of us that we ended up at Blarney's where Fabian eventually joined us. We made a toast to Humphries and wished that things could for once be at peace in our world.

We knew we were stretching with that one.

So instead we all just drank our firewhisky while secretly waiting for the next big bombshell to hit us.

---

++REMUS++

Sirius rushed into the kitchen early that Saturday morning where I was sitting with James, both groaning at how much alcohol had been consumed the night before. We all rarely drank enough to get tipsy nowadays and yet somehow we were all persuaded into taking tequila shots. I think we have Sirius to blame for that. Actually, I think we have the stress of our everyday lives to thank for that otherwise we wouldn't have even considered it.

"Coffee?" James offered, holding out a cup to Sirius.

Sirius grabbed it hastily and practically gulped it down in a single sip, earning a look both from me and James. "Please tell me we have some granola bars still lying around," he asked frantically.

"In the cupboard," I said, giving him a curious look.

He rushed into the cupboard and seconds later came back with the granola bar already half-stuffed into his mouth. "Fanks!" he said, spewing out pieces everywhere.

"Um, ew." I made a face. "Why the hell are you in such a hurry?"

Sirius glanced up at the clock. "I don't want to be late."

"Where the hell are you going off to at nine o'clock in the morning?" James snorted.

He grinned and I suddenly wondered if I even wanted to hear his response. "I've got a date with Hailey Mitchell."

"That jazz singer last night at Blarney's?" I asked.

Sirius nodded, his grin growing.

"Why are you going out with her so early in the morning?" James asked curiously.

Another question I was sure I probably didn't want to know the answer to.

"It's the only time we can really meet up," Sirius explained. "Her Muggle husband plays golf on Saturday mornings."

I was right. I didn't want to know the answer. "Sirius!" I groaned, shaking my head in disbelief. "The last time you went out with someone married, her husband found out and nearly hexed you to pieces. Are you ever going to learn?"

"No," he laughed. "Nor do I want to."

I sighed, but found myself cracking a smile. "Well, you certainly provide us with endless entertainment and stories that never get old retelling, so I'm not going to stop you."

Sirius laughed and finished off the rest of his granola bar. "Okay, well, I'm out of here," he said, rushing towards the door. He stopped in the entrance and turned back with a sly look, saying hastily, "Oh, and if the girl I picked up from Blarney's last night comes downstairs while I'm gone, feel free to make up some tragic story about how I got pulled into a surgery last-minute and won't be back for several hours but that I'm not looking for a long-term relationship anyway. Thanks! Bye!"

"SIRIUS!" both James and I shouted out, glaring at him before he could whisk away. He was always putting us in awkward positions.

"What?" he said, shrugging innocently. "She thinks I'm a Healer."

"That's not what we were screaming your name for!" James retaliated. "Why do you always leave us with the aftermath of dealing with your crazy women?"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius argued innocently. "She's not crazy."

"SIRIUS!" I groaned, smacking my palm against my forehead. "For once, can't you get rid of the girl without our help?"

Sirius shrugged. "No. I'm irresistible. The girls won't listen to me break it off with them. They just see my cute face and my hot body and want to jump me."

"A.k.a. you're a coward," James snickered.

"Yes, perhaps," he said with a grin. "I know she likes waffles, so if you want to let her down easy, I'd start making some now."

"I'm not making her waffles!" I cried out.

Sirius made a face. "Jeez, a guy that she really likes is breaking up with her via his friends. The least you could do is make the girl some waffles!" he retaliated. "Oh, and if you want to make a few extra for me to eat later, I wouldn't say no to that."

"We're not making waffles!" James and I both said in unison.

"Ooh, I could go for some waffles," a familiar voice spoke. We all turned to see Keegan striding into the kitchen, pushing past Sirius.

"Yeah, sure, welcome to our home," Sirius said sarcastically. "Don't you ever knock?"

Keegan snorted. "Like you could hear me. This place is the size of the Queen's castle."

"The Queen's castle is actually four times the size of Potter Manor," James explained.

Keegan stared at him, an amused blank expression spreading across her face. "I hope you realize that it's not only sad you know that, it's sad you offered up that information."

"Yeah, I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth," he said sheepishly. "So what are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning?"

"I was clearly hoping to catch you during waffle-making time," she teased. "I see I'm early." She slid into an empty kitchen seat beside me and grinned. "Ah, well, I can wait."

"You'll be waiting a long time," I joked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, heading back out the kitchen. "Rouge, try and make yourself useful and convince the guys that making waffles would be a productive use of their time."

Keegan slowly quirked an annoyed eyebrow. "And where the hell are you off to at nine o'clock on a Saturday morning?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but Keegan hastily continued, "You know what? Never mind. I can guarantee I wouldn't want to know the answer."

"Smart move," I said with a hint of a smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving before any other insults are thrown my way," he grumbled. "P.S. the girl's name is Alisha."

"We're not breaking up with her for you!" I shouted after him, but he had already made a mad dash for the front door.

Keegan glanced at me curiously. "Do I want to know what that was in reference to?"

"No," James and I said in unison.

Keegan shrugged. "That's usually the case when it comes to Sirius."

"Want some coffee?" I suggested.

She nodded eagerly. "Please. I hear it goes well with waffles."

I shot her a look over my shoulder as I got up off my seat and walked over to the half-full coffee pot. "Coffee also goes well with nonexistent waffles."

She laughed as she graciously took the mug of coffee out of my hands.

"So what are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning?" I asked, slipping back into my seat at the table.

"I'm here for you, James," she said with a curt shrug. She reached into her bag and pulled out a folder, handing it to James. "That's a folder with all of the information I could find on Sydny Lafevre."

"Oh!" he cried out, excited. He hastily took the folder from her hands and immediately started flipping through it. "Thanks for doing this. Did you find anything good?"

Keegan shrugged, leaning back in her chair with a peculiar look on her face. "I don't know if I'd call it good, but it's definitely weird."

James' eyes flickered off the page and towards Keegan's eager face. "What's weird?"

She shrugged. "I can't seem to find any information on the girl since she moved to France eight years ago."

He hesitated, confused. "Nothing?"

Keegan shook her head. "Nada. And according to Beauxbatons records, she was never a student there under the name of Sydny Lafevre. And I'm pretty sure she wasn't a student there when I was there. Not that I can remember at least."

"So where the hell did she come from?" James asked, his voice raising slightly. I knew that it wasn't because he was mad at Keegan but because he wanted to know what the hell he'd be dealing with once Sydny arrived at his office. I was a tad curious as well.

"Beats me."

James sighed, slumping down in his chair. "Well, thanks for all of this information," he murmured.

"Sure, anytime," Keegan said with a shrug. "And hey, an old buddy of mine works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the French Ministry. I'll drop him a line and see if he knows anything. But I can't promise anything. He only started working there five years ago so Sydny had arrived before his time."

James shrugged. "Just keep me posted," he murmured, stifling a yawn. "It looks like my Saturday will be spent working."

Both Keegan and I burst into laughter. "And that's different than most Saturdays how?" I asked.

James scowled. "I like keeping busy!"

"Didn't your girlfriend just get back from her business trip last night?" I pointed out. "Shouldn't you be more focused on seeing her?" James often buried himself in his work. Not that he didn't enjoy his job, but I find that he often hid behind his work so he didn't have to deal with anything real. The real world often kicked his ass unfortunately. But if I'm being completely honest, he's had enough tragedy in his life that I didn't blame him for burying himself in his work.

"I saw her last night," James explained. "And I'll see her tomorrow at Corner Joe's." We have a standing Sunday morning coffee date for any of us that are available for coffee and scones. Because it's every Sunday, these meetings often don't take precedence, but we'll go when we don't have anything else to do and want to spend it in the company of each other.

"Well, if there won't be any waffles made anytime soon, I think I'm going to head out," Keegan interjected with a hopeful look.

We all laughed as she finished up her coffee, levitating the cup into the kitchen sink. Just as she started to get up from the table, Sirius wandered back in looking quite unnerved.

"Back so soon?" she snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Apparently husbands can't play golf on rainy days," Sirius grunted, shaking his head.

I couldn't help but burst into laughter, quickly joined by James. Keegan, on the other hand, looked appalled. "Are you telling me that you're hooking up with a married woman?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "No," he argued. "If I was hooking up with her, I would be with her right now, don't ya think?"

"Please tell me that you never plan on getting married."

He scoffed. "Hell no! I'm going to be a bachelor for life."

"Why does that not surprise me?" she drawled.

Sirius slid into the empty seat that had just belonged to Keegan and shrugged. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm not like every girl in England who has planned out her wedding since she was old enough to put a pillowcase on her head and call it a veil."

"Not every girl wants to get married, Sirius," Keegan scowled. "They probably have a broken heart from you to thank for that."

I could feel the tension rising in the air. Or maybe it was just me feeling extremely uncomfortable on the subject of marriage.

"Well, they're probably better off," Sirius snorted. "Marriage is overrated. Not worth the time or the energy."

Keegan's next words surprised me. "Or the risks."

Ironically, none of us really needed to ask her what she meant by that. We all knew she was referring to the risk of getting hurt. But we were all probably thinking the same thing: what did Keegan know about the risk of getting hurt? She kept her emotions so heavily bottled inside and rarely showed any sign of vulnerability, but I could have sworn there was a flicker of agony in her eyes when she just spoke. I knew better than to question it, however. If anyone knew about keeping their emotions at a distance, it was me. Anytime we talked about relationships, I immediately felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Sirius murmured eventually. "Exactly."

"Besides," James interjected, a hint of a smile. "I just can't see Sirius nicknamed Hubby anytime soon."

"Hubby Black?" Keegan joked. "I don't know. It has a nice ring to it."

"No pun intended," I said, earning a laugh from everyone.

"To be fair," Sirius interjected. "Hubby Black sounds a lot more believable than Wifey Rouge."

Keegan rolled her eyes. "And as I've already mentioned, I don't plan on being Wifey anytime soon."

"If you were to marry anyone, it should be Sirius," James teased, watching both Keegan and Sirius pretend to gag.

"Do I even want to know the logic behind that one?" I asked curiously.

"It's fate," James said with a grin. "Both their last names are colors."

Sirius gave him a look.

"Rouge is red in French, you dimwit," James sighed.

"And I believe I asked for logic," I argued, shaking my head in disbelief as Keegan used that time to smack James on the back of the head.

"OW!"

"Let's not joke about Black and I walking down the aisle," she argued, shuddering. "I wouldn't want to throw up all of that coffee I just drank on to your kitchen floor."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, great. Then James might make a joke about you and morning sickness, Wifey."

"You're married!?"

All four of us whirled around to see a woman standing in our kitchen doorway with a very irate look on her face, glaring heatedly at Sirius.

"Er..." Sirius stuttered.

"You slept with me and you have a wife?" she (I believe Sirius said her name was Alisha) shrieked.

"Er..."

"Do you have no morals?"

Sirius hesitated. "Do you want some waffles?"

"No!" she shouted, storming over to him and slapping him across the face. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

I was trying so hard not to laugh, but with one peek at James, we couldn't help but break out into uncontrollable giggles. It was always hilarious when Sirius wound himself into a sticky situation. Glancing over at Keegan, she was looking positively gleeful as well. But I bet that had something to do with watching Sirius get smacked by a girl.

The Alisha girl turned to Keegan. "And you should divorce this guy as soon as possible."

"Y'know, that's the best advice I've received all day," Keegan said with a smirk, turning to look at Sirius. She narrowed her eyes at him. "You cheating bastard! The worst decision I ever made was saying 'I do' to you!" And then she took the liberty of slapping Sirius on the opposite cheek.

"HEY!" Sirius shouted, grasping his cheek.

"I am so out of here," Alisha sneered, shooting one more dirty look in Sirius' general direction.

She stormed out and Sirius turned to glare at Keegan. "Was that necessary?" he scowled.

"No, but it certainly was fun," she said with a grin. "Besides, you should be thanking me. I could have said that not only were we not married but that you had just admitted to us that you were head-over-heels in love with her and already picking out your kids' names in that dense little head of yours. Instead, I got rid of her for you."

Sirius paused. "Hm. Alas, you make a point. You should be rewarded with waffles," he said, turning towards me and snapping his fingers. "Remus? Waffles?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sod off, Padfoot. I'm not making you waffles."

He pouted and sunk into the chair. "The least you could do for me is make waffles," he murmured. "Not only did my mistress dump me, but I just found out my potentially pregnant wife wants to divorce me."

---

++LANCE++

Kay and I rarely trudged out of bed to get to Corner Joe's on Sunday mornings. We're both usually so busy for the rest of the week with work and wedding plans and once a month, Kay was on call at St. Mungo's on Sundays. But we had just booked our honeymoon the night before and were feeling pretty good.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I whined, stifling a yawn as I watched her throw on a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt. Personally, I think she looked the sexiest when dressed down. She was so naturally beautiful.

She glanced into the mirror at me sprawled out on the bed. "Do you remember the last time we were at Corner Joe's?"

I hesitated, trying to rack my brain.

"You going to find that answer anytime soon?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Since when did you care about putting in an appearance at Joe's?"

She shrugged, throwing her hair into a messy bun. "Maybe I really want a scone."

"We have scones in our kitchen."

"Not fresh ones!"

I rolled my eyes, cracking a smile. "Okay, fine, but you will have to drag me out of this bed."

She turned around slowly, quirking an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?" she said. A sly smile spread across her face as she leaned over the bed and pressed her soft lips against mine. She ran her fingers through my hair as she slipped her tongue into my mouth slowly but succulently.

I could seriously kiss her all day.

So of course I groaned when she pulled away. "Tease," I pouted as she winked, skipping back over to the mirror.

"If you get up and actually put on a shirt, there will be more where that comes from later," she said suggestively.

"Hm, and what does 'more' refer to?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "I have to leave something up to the imagination."

I grinned. "My imagination loves you."

She laughed. "Just your imagination?"

I crawled off the bed and made my over to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders from behind and kissing the side of her face. "All of me loves all of you, Kay," I whispered.

She placed her hand on my arm, staring at me through the mirror. "You're not getting laid right now, Gilmore."

I pouted. "Damn. And that was some of my best romantic work."

She laughed, kissing my bare arm. "Put on a shirt, babe, and let's go."

I sighed overdramatically and wandered over to the dresser as she headed into the bathroom. I pulled out the first shirt I saw and smelled it. Shrugging, I threw it on. "What do you think the others are going to say when we tell them about our honeymoon?"

She hesitated. I knew it probably wasn't because she was in the middle of brushing her teeth but because she wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't know," she said in all honesty. "Hopefully, it won't be a big deal."

I frowned. "It will be," I muttered knowingly. "But let's hope they don't say anything."

She nodded as she walked back into the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe. "Have you ever heard of Sirius not saying anything?"

"Good point, we're doomed."

She grinned. "Pretty much," she said. "But let's just get it over with. You ready to go?"

I nodded, outstretching my hand to hers. We wandered out of our flat and instead of apparating, we made the short walk to the coffee shop. It was a beautiful crisp autumn day that neither one of us wanted to miss.

When we arrived at our usual table at the café, I wasn't surprised to see that everyone was filling their usual role. Lily and Remus were hunched over the latest Witch Weekly answering the multiple choice quiz of the week for pure amusement. This week they were chatting about which season their relationship relates to the most with the occasional sexist comment from Sirius, who was busy trying to flirt with the barista. James was perusing the Sunday edition of the Daily Prophet, occasionally interrogating Keegan about some of the details printed in the articles on the front page. Fabian and Keegan were arguing about the latest restaurant they had gone to with Keegan believing that the steak was undercooked and Fabian thinking that Keegan was too critical. Caleb and Shannon were arguing about Shannon's latest bout of morning sickness and whether or not decaffeinated green tea was good for the baby or not. Oh yeah, did I mention I was going to be an uncle in about three months?

"Hey!" Lily greeted us both, embracing Kay and offering me a curt nod. "This is unusual. What brings you guys to Joe's today?"

"Well, from what I overhear, I was really interested in knowing whether you are a Spring or a Fall," I teased, kissing Lily on the cheek as she and James collected two more chairs for the already crowded table.

Lily laughed. "I still have a few questions left to answer, but stay tuned."

"Oh, I'm on the edge of my seat," I joked, turning back towards my fiancée.

"So, seriously, how did you drag this one away from wedding planning?" Caleb asked, gesturing to Kay.

Kay rolled her eyes. "I don't spend all my free time dealing with wedding plans."

I was not surprised when the table erupted into boisterous laughter.

Kay pouted. "I need a coffee," she muttered, glancing my way. "Latte with extra foam?"

I nodded. "Yes, please."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Kay headed to the register. "You two are so predictable."

"A.k.a. a winter relationship," Remus chimed in with a smile.

I quirked a skeptical eyebrow. "Do I even want to know what a winter relationship is?"

"Probably not," James snickered.

Lily answered my question anyway. "Quiet, comfortable, predictable, and secure."

"Oh," I said. "Well, that doesn't sound so bad."

"Sounds pretty bad to me," Sirius teased.

"At least I have a relationship to compare a season with," I retaliated, winking playfully at him.

"I have relationships, as fleeting as they are," said Sirius, as he tore off a small piece of Shannon's muffin and chucked it into his mouth. She stabbed his hand with her plastic fork for daring to cross her food. "Ow! All of them are summers, if you're wondering," he muttered, thrusting his hand away from Shannon.

"I wasn't," I drawled.

"Let me guess," Fabian chimed in. "Hot and heavy? Steamy and fierce?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes," Remus snickered. "Plus volatile and impulsive."

"Those quizzes are ridiculous," Kay interjected as she arrived back at the table, handing me my latte. "P.S. Sirius, I'm pretty sure this number on the side of my coffee cup is meant for you."

Sirius grinned and reached for Kay's cup immediately. She held it out of his reach. "No way am I giving you Brandy's number!"

Sirius gasped. "You tease."

"Yes, I agree," I joked, thinking back to the morning snog session that had unfortunately been cut short.

Kay snickered, shooting me a look before turning back towards Sirius. "Sirius, we love this coffee shop," she reminded him. "We come here every Sunday and I'll be damned if you ruin it for us."

"Why would you assume I'm going to ruin it?"

"Because you ruined Franducci's," Remus responded immediately.

"And Perry's Pub," Fabian said, talking about one of our former local bars.

"Hammond and Cheese," Lily said, the deli that's across the street from the Ministry.

"The diner," Shannon said.

"And our local grocery store!" James groaned.

"Stop hooking up with girls at our local hang-outs," Caleb pleased.

Sirius hesitated. "Maybe this time it's different. Maybe I like Brenda."

"Brandy!" we all shouted.

"Yes?"

We all froze, turning towards the counter where the barista was glancing over at us.

"Er…a round of scones for everyone please," James said awkwardly, flashing her a smile.

"I hope you're buying," Keegan joked.

James snickered before glancing back over at Sirius. "We love this coffee shop," he said. "We are here at least once a week. If we're not at Blarney's, we're here."

"Yeah. And if you screw over Brandy, you're going to kill the coffee shop," Remus said.

"I don't want to look for another one," Lily interjected. "It took us weeks to find another deli!"

"Don't kill the coffee shop, dude," Fabian pleaded.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, I think it'll be fine."

"Coffee shop killer," Caleb murmured.

"It's just one date!"

"No," Keegan interjected immediately, shooting him a look. "It's just one night-stand where you'll tell the girl exactly what she wants to hear and for some bizarre reason, she'll fall for your bullshit where she will then be convinced you're in a relationship. And when you suddenly halt all communication with her, she'll hate you forever and spit in our drinks."

"A.k.a. don't kill the coffee shop," I said pleadingly.

"Oh, you barely show up to these Sunday morning gatherings anyway," Sirius pointed out, waving his hand dismissively.

Hm. He had a point. "They still make a damned good latte."

"With extra foam," Sirius teased.

"Which will be thrown in your face if you so much as bat your eyelashes at the barista."

Sirius slumped down in his chair, pouting. "You guys take all the fun out of chasing girls."

"Good," said Remus. "Maybe you'll actually learn."

Keegan snorted. "Doubtful."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. "Please tell me that someone has some sort of news that won't make me grab Lance's latte and throw it in Keegan's face."

Oops, that was my cue. "Kay and I booked our honeymoon," I said hesitantly.

"Oh, sorry, I meant exciting news."

I smacked Sirius with James' newspaper. "It is exciting!"

"I didn't realize you were the girl in the relationship."

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with being excited to go to Australia and get away from you," I smirked, shooting him a look.

Silence filled the table. A long awkward silence. Even Keegan looked thoroughly confused by the sudden halt in chatter. Eventually, Lily spoke. "You're going to Australia?"

A small knot grew in my stomach. I wasn't surprised by the wary looks on all my friends. I realized what Australia meant to them. It represented the loss of a friend. Hey, I lost my sister then, too. But she had said that if there was any place to go on a relaxing vacation, it was Australia. And I know that Kay had always wanted to go there. So it wasn't difficult choosing Australia to travel to for our honeymoon. "Yeah," I said with a smile. "For two weeks."

Silence fell over the table. I especially noticed the interchange of looks between Caleb and Shannon but didn't say anything.

"Well, alright, but try to avoid being eaten by a koala bear or a kangaroo, okay?" James eventually said to ease the tension.

"Ooh, bring us back a pet kangaroo!" Fabian said with an enthusiastic grin.

"You're not getting a kangaroo," Keegan retaliated almost immediately.

"Okay, fine," Fabian murmured. "Koala bear it is."

"You're not getting a koala bear either!"

I leaned over to Fabian and whispered, "I'll try to sneak one back for you."

I wasn't surprised when Keegan smacked me with the newspaper.

---

++JAMES++

"Knock, knock!"

A slight pause before Lily cried out, "In the kitchen!"

I strolled into the kitchen with a grin. "Something smells delicious."

"Spaghetti Bolognese," she explained, stirring the pasta sauce.

"Well, my timing is impeccable," I said, kissing her cheek. "If there's enough for two, I mean."

She laughed, putting the wooden spoon down and turning around to wrap her arms around my shoulders tightly. "Don't think I don't know you planned this," she said with a teasing smile, pressing her lips firmly to mine. "Let me guess: Sirius and Remus are arguing between Chinese food and pizza for dinner?"

I nodded. "They've been going at it for nearly an hour," I said between kisses. "I decided a home-cooked meal by the best cook in England would be the better way to go."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Are you just flattering me in hopes of getting laid tonight?" she joked.

My heart skipped a beat at the adorable smirk on her face. "Abso-fucking-lutely," I whispered, pressing my lips against her jawline underneath her ear, running a trail of kisses towards her neck.

She moaned lightly as I hastily hoisted her on to the counter. She wrapped her legs around my waist as my mouth made its way back towards her lips."Well, it's definitely working," she said breathlessly.

I pressed my lips to her hungrily, whispering, "Believe me, I'd much rather be here with you than home with those two idiots."

"Especially after the week we had," she murmured, digging her fingers into my my messy hair.

A strained smile fell to my lips. She knew me so well. I had spent Friday evening with her, all morning with her, and now I was back to spend more time with her. But after being ambushed by the Lestranges and hearing about Mariana Humphries' death, all I wanted was to attach myself to her in fear of losing sight of what really mattered. And while the future scared the shit out of me (it probably always would), I just wanted so desperately to make sure that she was going to be okay. She was my biggest weakness in a way. I could barely go through a day without thinking about her and wondering where she was and what she was doing. Not necessarily because I couldn't stop thinking about her (which was true) but because I wondered if she was safe.

"Yeah" was all I could say. "Especially after the week we had." My lips took another detour towards her neck and slowly made their way towards her cleavage.

Another moan emitted from her lips and I hardened at the very sound. "Please tell me Keegan is gone," I whispered breathlessly.

"She's at Fabian's for the night," she responded in a hoarse whisper

"Good," I murmured, picking her off the counter as my tongue started to explore the inside of her mouth.

"What about dinner?"

"Dinner can wait," I said immediately.

With a flick of my wand, the oven burners were extinguished and I was carrying her quickly back to her bedroom, our kisses leading the way.

---

++LILY++

I found my way back into the kitchen an hour later, the grin on my face so effortless. Even in a whirlwind of a week, he could make me feel so loved and safe. He made me forget everything that was going on around us and gave me the ability to focus on us.

I heard soft footsteps behind me and couldn't help but smile.

"Nice shirt," he said behind me.

I chuckled and glanced behind my shoulder where he was leaning so casually against the kitchen doorframe in just his jeans. I glanced down at the button-down shirt I was wearing which just so happened to be his. "I hope you don't want it back anytime soon."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yes, why would I want to tear that shirt off of you leaving you completely naked? The horror!"

I laughed, shooting him a look. "I'm stirring spaghetti sauce. Could you imagine the spatter?"

He grinned. "Okay, fine, you can keep it on for now," he joked as he walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the side of my face.

"Just for now?"

"Eh, we'll see how the rest of the night goes."

I couldn't help but laugh as I spooned some of the spaghetti sauce into his mouth. "Mm, yum," he whispered. "So how is that you look so much sexier in my shirt than I do?"

"I think you look pretty damned sexy in it yourself, Mr. Potter," I whispered.

He pressed his lips lightly along my exposed neckline. "Nearly four years later and we're still irresistible to each other," he murmured, his breath warm and comforting against my ear.

"You are determined to put off dinner as much as possible, aren't you?" I muttered, shutting my eyes as I let his lips leave a trail of sensual kisses down my neck and shoulder.

He grinned. "I'm just making up for lost time."

"I was away on business for only three days."

"Okay, so I'm horny. You got a problem with that?"

I laughed and turned around in his arms to kiss him. "Not at all," I whispered. "But if I overcook the pasta, we're going to be debating about whether to get Chinese food or pizza for dinner."

He chuckled and gave me another quick kiss. "Okay, fine, I'll back off," he teased. "In fact, you always cook for me. You pour yourself a glass of wine and sit down, and I'll finish up here."

I quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at his bare chest. "Aren't you afraid of spatter?"

He grinned, kissing the side of my face. "I'll risk it," he whispered.

"How rebellious of you," I teased. "But I'm not so sure I want to have my kitchen burn down."

He gave me a look. "You've already put all the ingredients in. All I have to do it stir the pasta sauce and cook spaghetti. I shouldn't be able to screw that up."

"Yeah, but somehow, I'm sure you'll find a way."

"Oh, I didn't realize you wanted spaghetti in your hair."

I grinned and kissed him again. We had a pretty shameless snog session before I reached for the white wine on the counter. "Pressure's on, Potter," I teased, ducking underneath his arm and taking a seat at the round kitchen table. He was staring at the spaghetti sauce intently, obviously not wanting to screw it up. I couldn't help but smile. "How did I get so lucky to find someone like you?"

"Well, as an eleven-year-old girl, I'm pretty sure you thought differently," he joked, winking playfully at me.

I chuckled. "Times have certainly changed," I said softly.

He glanced behind him. "I hope for the better."

I smiled, my eyes filling with warmth and love. "Definitely for the better," I said.

He turned down the burner and came over to me, framing my face with his hands and kissing me. "If we continue doing this, we're never going to eat," he teased.

I swatted at him, shooing him away. "Go tend to our meal, Mr. Potter," I joked formally. "I'll be waiting here when the sauce is done."

He chuckled, giving me another quick kiss before heading back to the stove. He was the love of my life, there was no doubt about it. It was these small moments I remembered why I fell in love with him. His smile was genuine, so warm and comforting. His eyes were soft and the worry that I often saw staring back at me had disappeared. He still had one hell of a muscular body and I often thanked all the hard work he spent in the training facilities for that. He never looked so sexy than he did with his jeans on and no shirt. My heart skipped a beat. I literally just wanted to go over to him and have my way with him for a second time that night. "I love you, James," I blurted out.

He smiled, glancing over his shoulder. "And I love you, Lily," he whispered.

"It's the small moments like this one where I can't imagine my life without you," I spoke softly.

His eyebrow arched in amusement. "Were you ever planning on living your life without me?"

My heart skipped a beat. "No," I said hesitantly.

He stiffened, probably sensing my hesitance. He sighed. "But?"

"No but," I argued almost immediately.

James walked over to me to kiss me on top of my head. "I know you, Lils," he whispered. "I know there's a but."

I frowned. "It's...it's not a but. It's just..."

As he wandered back over to the stove, his eyes remained fixed on me. "Just what, Lily?"

I should have just let it go, taking that moment for what it was. I should have just ignored the questions swarming in my head. I should have just wanted to be with James no matter the circumstances.

But I didn't do any of that. Maybe if I had, that night would have turned out differently.

I felt my heart start to speed up as I asked the one question that had been on my mind for over three years. "Why did you ask me to marry you three and a half years ago?"

He froze, his eyes filling with anxiety. He slowly tore his eyes off of me as he turned back towards the burners. He didn't respond immediately, putting his focus into stirring the sauce. Eventually, he cleared his throat. "I…I'm not sure what answer you're looking for."

I shrugged awkwardly. "The honest one."

"Why do you want to know?"

I don't know. "I think it's a legitimate question," I argued, sipping my wine hastily. If I was going to have this conversation, I was going to have a slight buzz.

He stalled by tasting the sauce. He frowned as he finally turned off the burners. "I've been wondering when you were going to bring that up again."

This didn't sound promising. "You were?"

He sighed, turning around to face me, fear written across his forehead. "You...you want honesty?"

"I already said I did."

He nodded, turning his back to me once again as he plated our dinner. As he handed me a plate, he sighed. "Honestly, you might not like the truth," he murmured as he sat across from me at the table.

"I know."

He locked eyes with me, frowning. We both remained silent for quite some time. It was obvious he was trying to form words that wouldn't completely disappoint me. And I was just trying to prepare myself for the words that probably would.

"I was young and impulsive, Lily," he said slowly. "It was right after we graduated from Hogwarts and I just wanted everything to stay the same. Hogwarts was something of our past, Riley was planning on moving away, and who knew what the future held for the rest of us. I didn't want to have to deal with any big changes and that had included you. I...I guess I just wanted to believe that it was possible to carve out our own future and make our own choices."

I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of him blaming his proposal on his age, impulses, and fear. "As opposed to?"

"Life making our choices for us," he responded almost immediately.

I had a feeling he's thought about this a lot. I let my eyes linger on the pasta in front of me and took a quick bite as I attempted to form my answer. "So..." I said slowly, "You're blaming life on the fact that you haven't brought up the prospect of marriage again in three and a half years?"

He winced, not meeting my gaze. He buried himself in his dinner to avoid looking at me.

I didn't let up, however. "Three and a half years ago, you chose to propose and three and a half years later, you're letting life…what, change your mind? What exactly about your life has made you so hesitant about marriage?" I know I sounded whiny but I was just trying so desperately to understand what was running through James' mind. I prided myself on always knowing what James was thinking and feeling. And I hated not knowing what he was thinking right now.

He met my gaze and I saw a flicker of regret in his eyes that scared me. "After everything that I've...that we've witnessed, Lily," he said slowly. "After all of the failed relationships and failed marriages and failed engagements whether by choice or...or by death. After everything we've seen, you still believe in the institution of marriage?"

"I have to believe it," I said firmly.

"Why?"

"Because we're in the middle of a dangerous war, James," I said immediately, swallowing hard. I don't know why I felt a sudden overwhelming rush of fear wash over me, but I couldn't figure out if it was because of the topic of war or because I was afraid that James was slipping away from me. "So when we talk about the rest of our lives, it-" I stopped short, the words catching in my throat. I swallowed the lump forming and said softly, "It could be a shorter period of time than either one of us really wants to imagine."

His eyes gazed up at me with shock. I don't think he expected me to be so grim. "Don't say that," he pleaded in a hoarse whisper. "I-I can't even think about that, Lily."

"I know," I said, shrugging guiltily. Hell, I didn't want to think about it either. But sometimes, I had to. "But...but I also know the feeling of not having as much time as you think to spend with your loved ones. And it's not a good feeling."

He blinked knowingly. "Your parents," he murmured.

I stared down at my plate and nodded. "Their marriage was short-lived, James, but they were happier than two people could be. They really loved each other and...and I want that someday."

"Why can't we promise to be with each other forever without the fancy party or the walk down the aisle or the I do's?"

"It's not just a fancy party, James," I murmured. How was this night going so wrong? "It's a lifetime commitment to each other with our closest friends and family as witnesses. It's a celebration of our future and a promise that we're going to love each other forever. It's the beginning of our family."

He bit down on his bottom lip, letting his gaze tear away from mine to the untouched spaghetti in front of him. "Why do you need that so badly?"

I was surprised to feel the hot tears rushed to my eyes. "Because I want to be a part of a family, James," I whispered, feeling slightly shameful. "It's been almost fourteen years since I lost my family. I don't want to go another fourteen years wondering exactly where I fit in."

James frowned. I could tell he was getting frustrated. But then again, so was I. "If you don't know by now that I already think of you as family, then-"

"I'm not saying you don't," I interrupted. "But you also have your mother and your sister and your brother. Me? I just have you."

"You'll always have me," he said softly.

"Will I?" I whispered.

He blinked, desperation seeping from his eyes. "Of course you will," he whispered back. "No matter what happens between us, I will always be there for you."

I knew he meant it and I truly believed it. But... "Maybe I want more than that," I spoke softly, swallowing hard. "I haven't exactly had a normal life. Anything but actually. I haven't had the normal family or the normal living arrangements and being a witch isn't exactly normal either. And I've always felt that a part of me has been missing out on things. So maybe...maybe for once in my life it should be my turn to be normal. I watched your sister and Drew together on their wedding day and I see the way Caleb and Shannon will love each other forever and I notice how happy Kay and Lance are during their wedding planning process and-"

"Yeah, and what about Remus? Or Sirius? Or my parents?" he shot back.

I hesitated curiously. "Is that what you're so afraid of? Rejection? Failure? Getting hurt?"

He didn't respond but his lips tightened. I wondered if I had just hit the nail on the head, but he clearly wasn't going to admit it. The way his eyebrows knitted together told me, however, that it was more than just fear of rejection or getting hurt. There was something really bothering him in reference to marriage. Why couldn't he just tell me?

I sighed, running my fingers through my tangled hair. "I know that I'm probably being unreasonable, James, and it's not-"

"No, I realize that I'm probably being slightly unreasonable, too," he murmured, shaking his head. His expression softened. "We've been together for almost four years. Inevitably, the next step should be marriage. I'm just..." he trailed off.

I swallowed hard. "Not ready for life to lead you that way?" I muttered, recalling his earlier words.

He nodded slowly and didn't respond immediately. He looked at me, his eyes filled with such wonder and concern. I guarantee my eyes shared the same emotions.

"Lily," he whispered, swallowing hard. I could see his palms beginning to sweat and his brow furrow instinctively. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for life to lead me that way. But just because I-I don't know if I ever want to get married doesn't change the fact that I want to love you forever and spend the rest of my life with you."

There it was. The words I didn't want to hear. The confirmed words that he never wanted to marry me.

My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met, both in a whirlwind of emotions. I knew that a part of me was being childish and silly and I probably sounded slightly disconcerning and pathetic. But the title meant something to me. I wanted to live as a Potter and I wanted to die as one. I wanted the two of us to stand up in front of his family and our friends and unite ourselves as one. Does this sound lame? Yeah, probably. But I loved James. And I wanted to promise to be with him for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part. And if that made me sound childish and pathetic, then so be it. I was okay with being childish and pathetic as long as I could marry the love of my life.

Silence filled the room. When I glanced up at James, there was fear in his eyes. I just didn't know if it was fear of losing me or fear of marrying me. "So in the past three and a half years were you ever going to tell me that never wanted to get married?" I asked curiously, a slight bitterness spewing from my words.

He frowned. "Were you ever going to tell me you wanted to get married?" he retaliated.

I glared at him. "I'm pretty sure three and a half years ago when you asked me I told you I wanted to marry you."

"Yeah, in the future," he muttered. "But things have changed."

I turned away from his pleading gaze, suddenly surprised by the tears that were threatening to form. "Maybe you did. But I didn't," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Lily," he whispered. That was all he said. It was clear it was all he could say. He had nothing left inside of him.

Unfortunately, I did. "James," I whispered back. "I'm not saying I need to get married today or tomorrow. I'm not saying I ever expected that. But I did expect you to one day get down on one knee and propose to me. I've been expecting it since you spontaneously proposed to me three and a half years ago."

He was looking at me with desperation and pleading.

I sighed. "I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you one day, James. Clearly you didn't."

He stiffened. "I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Lily. That hasn't changed."

I frowned. "Yeah, the rest of your life. But you don't want it to be our life."

He blinked, taken aback. "That's not fair. I love you and you know it. I just-"

"Don't love me enough to marry me?" I muttered.

I wasn't surprised when I was on the other end of his frustrated glare. "Me not wanting to get married is not about you, Lily. It's about me. But I'd hope you know that if I did want to get married, it would be to you because hell, I love you more than words can even describe, Lily," he grunted. He pushed his chair back and stood up abruptly. "And I don't appreciate you insinuating that my loving you isn't enough for you. If that's really the way you feel, then what the hell are we even doing together?"

"If you never want to marry me, then that's a damned good question," I shot back.

He bit down on the bottom of his lip, running his fingers through his hair. He slowly sat back down with a defeated sigh. "Do we need to decide this right now?" he dared to ask.

My instinct was to say no, shake my head, and pretend as if the conversation never took place. I loved him and that should have been enough, but both my head and my heart were screaming. I was stuck. We were stuck. And I wasn't so sure we'd be able to unstick ourselves without either one of us compromising our beliefs. And I wasn't sure I knew how to do that. "It sounds like you already made a decision, James," I whispered.

He swallowed hard, blinking furiously. "Sounds like you have, too," he pointed out.

For a second, neither of us moved nor spoke. We just stared at each other with bewilderment and concern. I wondered why I was so determined to marry him and I wondered why he was so determined not to marry me. And no matter how hard I tried pretending as if we could continue on in our relationship without actively defining it, it was out there. I couldn't ignore that we were at a standstill. Neither one of us was planning on backing down or changing our beliefs, that much was obvious. But what did that mean for us?

He turned away from my gaze, frowning. He asked the question I was too afraid of asking. "Where exactly does this leaves us, Lily?"

My heart skipped a beat, not sure what he wanted me to say. So I said the only thing that made sense to me. "I hope you know how much I love you, James."

We locked eyes and I saw such anguish staring back at me. "I love you, too. So much," he whispered. "Why can't that be enough?"

I tried desperately to blink away the tears that were forming rapidly in my eyelids. "It should be," I choked out, not daring to look at him. "But it's not."

There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes. "Lily-"

"Maybe you should just go, James," I whispered, ignoring the trembling of my bottom lip.

The surprise grew in his eyes. It was obvious he thought the worst idea for the both of us was to have him leave. But at that moment, I needed to clear my head. I needed to figure out what it is I wanted and what it is I needed. And I needed to do that without James.

Eventually, he spoke. "Is that really what you want?"

I frowned, meeting his gaze. "You know what I want," I spoke softly.

He frowned. "And you know what I want," he spat out in a hurt whisper.

"Or what you don't want," I blurted out.

He blinked, remaining silent for quite some time before slowly standing up from his chair. He cleared his throat before whispering, "You're right."

I glanced up at him, confused.

"Maybe I should go."

My heart sank. I didn't argue. I needed to figure out what was most important to me and for the first time in four years, I needed to do it without James.

I could tell he was hurt that I didn't try to stop him and before I could even register what was happening, he was suddenly whisking out of the kitchen. Seconds later, I heard the front door slam.

And that's when I wondered if I just let the best thing happen to me slip away.

I didn't know what any of this meant. We were both confused and conflicted, for sure. But what did that mean for us? I loved James more than anything and I knew he felt the same. And I wanted that so desperately to be enough. But I couldn't ignore that something was bothering James. I knew that it probably had little to do with me but it was affecting me. It was hurting me. And it was hurting us.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. And then another. Before I knew it, I was sobbing in the middle of my kitchen. I might lose James, but I was more afraid of him losing himself at this moment. I wanted to know what was running through his head. I needed to know. Because even though I had given him numerous reasons why I thought marriage was an important step in our relationship, he never one explained why he thought the opposite. He argued and he disputed and he made it evident he didn't want to get married, but not once did he say why. And it was that hesitance that most concerned me.

---

++REMUS++

Sirius and I were doing what we so often did when we had nothing better to do: drinking beer and playing endless games of Exploding Snap. We upped the ante every time we played and I swear that one of these days we were going to blast off the hair on our head. Hm, however, Sirius' hair was getting long…

The front door slammed open and we both jumped. Sirius cursed and ducked as the cards exploded inches away from his face. "Man, this game is thrilling," he teased as he began to collect the cards for another round.

James sauntered into the living room and the first thing I noticed was his lack of shirt. "New fashion trend, Prongs?"

"Hm?"

"You're half-naked."

He glanced down. "Oh," he murmured. "Lily has my shirt."

I furrowed my brow, sensing despair in his voice. "You okay?"

"Yep," he lied. "I'm heading upstairs. Enjoy blowing yourselves up."

"I thought you were staying the night at Lily's," Sirius commented.

James hesitated, frowning. "I changed my mind," he murmured. Another lie. I wondered if Lily changed his mind for him.

He ventured out of the room and Sirius dealt the respective cards to us. Sirius played a card of Paracelsus. As I glanced down at my cards, I said, "Something's up with him."

"Yep."

"He's not going to tell us what's bothering him."

"Nope."

"Duck," I said as I played my own card of Paracelsus.

We both obliged as the cards exploded.

---

A/N: Long chapter! Lots happening! People are being attacked, some are dying, others are lovey-dovey, and relationships are being put to the test. Okay, one relationship. But considering it's an L/J fanfic, it's a pretty big relationship to have being put to the test. We all know where Lily stands and why, but alas, James is just being a little non-forthcoming (I'm pretending that's a word). Hopefully, we'll all be able to figure out why soon. And with that said, please tell me your thoughts!