Chapter 10: Conversations and comforting
Before long, the nine of them were sharing the humble meal with the two innkeepers. Despite the simplicity of the dish, all of them found it delicious and nourishing. Even Louisa had changed her mind about eating vegetable stew and was one of the first to ask for second helpings. It felt good to have some substantial food in their stomachs after days of surviving of meagre rations.
Johanna had found out that it was Georg who alerted the townsfolk to Hans's situation up in the mountains and she thanked him profusely for helping her cousin. As Georg recounted the events of that day for Johanna and her husband, he noticed down the other end of the table that Maria was very quiet. She looked exhausted and was barely eating, only pushing the food around her plate. After he finished speaking and the conversation turned in another direction, he tried to catch her ask to silently ask her what was wrong, but she kept her eyes downcast, adverting her gaze from his. Georg wanted to try to remember to speak with her later on once they were alone, but he became distracted by the conversation over the dinner table and so the thought was gone from his mind.
At last dinner was over and after receiving their extra blankets, Maria and Georg said goodnight to the elderly couple and made their way firstly to the children's room. The room was large enough for the seven children with Liesl taking the sofa, Louisa and Gretl in one bed, Brigitta and Marta in the other and both boys on makeshift beds on the floor. Georg gave both Liesl and Friedrich strict instructions to come and get either Maria or himself if they encountered any problems during the night. After reassuring their parents that they would all be fine, the children got ready for bed. It didn't take long for them to be settled and they were all asleep within minutes.
Maria did her final check and kissed each sleeping child goodnight while Georg waited in the doorway. Finally they left the room and climbed the rickety staircase up to the attic-loft.
"Well it certainly is small," Georg commented glancing around the tiny room: a single bed on one side of the room, and only a single chair and a washbasin on the other.
"But bigger than my room at the Abbey," Maria replied with a small laugh.
"And I bet you never had a man come into your room at the Abbey," Georg commented as he wrapped his arms around her waist, "and kiss you like this…" and he leaned in to give Maria a soft, yet sensual kiss full of the passion and desire he felt for her.
Maria kissed him back for a moment until Georg's hands began to wander from Maria's back, down to her backside before slipping up under her pale pink skivvy. When she felt his fingertips graze her bare skin, she stiffened slightly knowing that while she understood Georg's eagerness, right now the last thing on her mind was to make love to him straight away. She gently pulled herself out of his embrace.
Georg narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Anything wrong?" he asked her gently, still holding onto her waist.
"No, no," Maria replied and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. After waiting all night to finally be alone together to talk, suddenly Maria was lost for words to describe how she was feeling. Instead she decided to stall by changing the topic. "It's just I'd like to wash up first. After days walking and sleeping outside, it'll feel good to get clean again." She nodded over to the washbasin.
"Hmm. Good idea," Georg said as he released her. He watched her for a few moments as she hung her travel cloak over the back of the chair and slowly removed her clothes until she was just standing in her underwear. Georg took her lead and threw his hat and jacket onto the chair before removing his tie.
"I have no idea why I'm still wearing this thing," he commented as it joined the rest of their clothes on the chair in the corner of the room.
"Probably out of habit," Maria replied with a laugh as she filled the basin with warm water. "Before we were married, I never saw you without one."
"Perhaps it's time I discarded them forever?" Georg wondered. He took off his boots and stretched out on the small bed. "Ah…. Well, at least the bed is comfortable." Maria only replied by giving him a small smile before returning to her task of filling the sink. She took the soap and began to lather it up on her hands and scrub the dirt from the past few days away.
Georg watched Maria silently as he lay on the bed, his head propped up on one arm raised above his head. She looked beautiful even as she performed the simple action of washing her hands. She rinsed off her hands before quickly washing her face. The sight of the droplets of water hanging off her skin and the way her body moved as she washed herself made Georg feel aroused with desire for her. Wordlessly, he got up off the bed and walked the two to three steps over to the other side of the room to stand behind her. "Here, let me," he asked as he took the washcloth from her.
Maria closed her eyes and gave an involuntary shudder as Georg moved the washcloth up and down her arms then over her shoulders to wash her back. "Feel nice?" he asked, whispering in her ear. She nodded, continuing to keep her eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of the gentle massage he was giving her as he washed her body. But instantly she opened her eyes again as soon as she felt Georg's hands brush across her breasts and also when he began to kiss her neck. She knew exactly what was on his mind.
"Georg… no…" she wriggled out of his arms.
Georg stepped back and let her go. "Maria?"
"Please don't."
"Please don't, what?" The bewilderment in his voice was apparent.
She turned away from him and shook her head to herself. "Our first opportunity to be alone for days and the only thing you want to do is make love?" she cried with exasperation as she spun back to face him.
Georg stared at her open-mouthed. "You don't want to?" he asked, clearly puzzled but at the same time, Maria could hear the genuine concern for her in his voice. "I'm sorry darling, I just assumed…" he managed to stammer.
Maria could see the hurt in his eyes. She bit down on her lip, feeling terrible about rejecting his advances. She reached out and took his hand.
"I'm sorry, Georg. I didn't mean it like that. It's just…" she stopped and took a deep breath, trying to find the words she wanted to say. "It's just been a long day, a long few days, in fact. I'm tired… no, more than tired. I'm exhausted and today, oh Georg… I don't think I've ever been that frightened as when I saw that soldier hold the gun to your head…" her words stopped as she broken down into gut-wrenching sobs. At once, Georg took her in his arms, holding her close, giving her the comfort she so deeply wanted.
"Shh…" he soothed as he awkwardly helped her to stagger over and sit down on the side of the small bed. He felt foolish for not picking up on the signs. He now remembered how quiet she'd been at dinner; she'd barely eaten, her eyes continually downcast. The last time he'd seen her that way was the night she returned to the villa from the Abbey. He'd broken her heart by proposing to Elsa and try as she may, Maria hadn't been able to hide her anguish from him. It was the look in her eyes that night that shook him out of the state of denial that he'd been in about his feelings for her. Of course shortly after that, he ended his relationship with Elsa before declaring his love to Maria, and he'd seen the life return to her eyes at that moment.
But now, this was very different. It wasn't her heart that was broken this time, but her spirit. She'd been so strong throughout the ordeal of fleeing the country, then caring for the children as they trekked through the mountains, not to mention the attack that morning. No wonder she was on the brink of an emotional breakdown.
"Darling, I'm so sorry," he whispered to her as he lovingly stroked her golden hair. She buried her head into his shoulder as she continued to cry. Georg held her close as she wept, gently rocking her back and forth.
Finally, her crying subsided and she lifted her head to look into his eyes. She found herself lost in the love and affection she saw for her in his eyes. She sniffed and let out a small laugh. "Oh I feel so silly."
"Nonsense," he replied gently wiping a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. "You've been through a lot, we both have over the last few days. It's no wonder you're feeling a little fragile at the moment."
"But that's just it. I don't want to feel fragile. I want to be strong for you and the children, and I'm just not..." She looked down to her hands.
"No, Maria," Georg said before raising her chin with his finger so she was looking into his eyes again. "You are strong. In fact I don't think I could have done this, any of this without you. It's my fault for not realising or thinking about the fact that you wouldn't be used to this. I trained for many years in the military. I went to war. And while it has been a few years, I'm used to being in highly stressful situations. Being in a position where I had to function on next to no sleep, or being attacked and fighting for my life." He sighed as he took one of her hands and opened it so he could kiss her palm. "But of course you're not used to that and I should have thought more, been more understanding. Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. She nodded.
Slowly Maria began to find the words that she'd had so much trouble expressing before to Georg. She described the feeling of terror when the soldiers first approached her and the children with pointing a gun at them. How frightened she'd been wondering whether the solider was going to shoot one of them, then to only moments later when the guns were turned onto Georg. Georg patiently listened, holding her hand and giving her words of encouragement each time her emotions overcame her and she became lost for words again.
"The Reverend Mother had sent me back to you to look for my life, and I'd found it in you and the children, but then I was so terrified that you were going to be taken from me-either arrested or shot."
"I know. Maria, the same thought went through my mind too," Georg admitted to her. "For so many years I'd build walls up around myself, blocking out my grief and despair after Agathe's death. I'd shut out the children so much that I didn't know them anymore, but you came into my life and tore down those walls, showed me how to love again, and I found my life in you. Having that gun pointed at me and seeing you and the children in danger, I was afraid too."
"You were?" Maria asked, surprised.
"Of course. But my military training taught me to harness that fear. It sounds hard to explain but having that fear almost helps me focus more, to strategize a plan of attack better. I must admit I was worried about the lack of options presented to me about how to attack or escape from the soldiers before they tied me up. I'm so very thankful Hans turned up and created that diversion."
Maria gave a small smile. "I'm thankful too. But then when that soldier had you pinned to the ground and was strangling you… I was beside myself."
"I know. But thank goodness for Friedrich, right?"
"Friedrich! Oh god, Georg," she cried. "He could have been killed. He's just…"
"a boy?" Georg finished for her, his eyebrows raised in silent question. She nodded. "But wants to me a man like me? A wise woman once spoke those words to me." Maria blushed as she realised Georg was talking about her. "I understand how you feel Maria, but over the past few days I'm noticed something more and more about Friedrich. He is growing up fast, too fast in fact, but we have to embrace that, I think. How is Friedrich going to become a man if we don't treat him as such? Should I just teach him to shave and go and buy him his first glass of beer? No, while this morning was a terribly dangerous situation, I'm so very proud of Friedrich for the way he acted, for his instincts and his courage."
Maria nodded slowly, knowing Georg was right. "All the children are going to be changed by this, by leaving their home and fleeing into the unknown. I tried to talk to them today about everything that happened, tried to make them understand, when I'm not quite sure I understand myself what's going to happen to us all."
"Yes, the future is quite unknown," Georg replied with a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. "But I'm hoping the hard part is behind up now. We're in Switzerland, and while I know that the Nazis can't follow us here, being so close to the boarder makes me nervous. I think in the morning we should make enquiries about how we can get to Zurich as quickly as possible. I'm hoping they have a bus or something like that, otherwise it'll be a long way to walk," he said with a slight chuckle.
"But the main thing is we're together, all of us," Maria said as she affectionately stroked Georg's face with her hand.
"We are," he kissed the inside of her wrist as she ran her fingers through his hair. "But now it's late and you're tired, I'm tired! How about we try and get some sleep?"
Maria didn't reply for a moment but continued to play with his dark locks. "Hmm… I'm not sure I feel that tired anymore."
Georg looked at her intently noticing the look in her eyes change to one of lust. "But you just said before…"
"Forget what I said before. I need you to give me love and comfort; I need you to make love to me. I… I need you now."
"I'm yours Maria. Now and forever. Never forget that."
"I won't," she replied solemnly. "Please kiss me." Georg gave her a half-smile as he leaned in to lightly graze her lips with his own.
"And again," she asked. Another kiss was given but was slightly deeper as his lips firmly pressed onto hers.
"And again…" As their lips met, they both opened their mouths only slightly so that their tongues just touched.
"And again…" The kiss deepened further, lips moving slowly at first against each other before rapidly intensifying, the heat of their kisses was like fire pulsing through their bodies.
"And again…" This time the kiss was full-blown in passion, tongues rapidly and quickly exploring each other's mouths, hungrily devouring each other as Georg pushed her back onto the bed. They made fast work removing the remainder of their clothing before proceeding to make love, giving the love and comfort that they so craved from each other.