25th March
Now what the hell do I do?
I'm no family man, I have no idea how to raise children! I'm too analytical, I'm too impatient, I'm too tall and lanky to hug properly!
I just...
I need to calm down...
Just...
I can manage this.
I survived a broken heart and a death march in the heart of winter...
I can raise two children...
26th March.
It must have slipped out that I had gained two new family members. Today I was visited by non other then the King and Queen themselves!
I was...humbled. Deeply humbled that they would take time to visit a simple doctor. And acutely aware of the mess, dust and clothes and the few toys I've been able to create for them scattered on the floor.
I am so grateful they understood. They came bearing gifts and advice, a proper crib for Papyrus and a teddy Asgore had haphazardly sewn for Sans. It's a wreck of a doll, but the boy took it like a gift from the heavens. It was good to see him look like a proper child again.
Bless our royalty. In our darkest hour they show what it means to lead, to keep hope even while it seems all is dark.
Sans is still having nightmares. I hear him scream for his mother at night. I wish there was more I could do for him.
30th March.
I have started to experiment with the cavern flora, to see what is usable for cures. If we are here to stay, we may as well make the most of it. I've gathered what samples of flowers and mushrooms I can find, lets see what I can do with them.
31st March
I almost killed him.
Oh god...I almost killed him...
Papyrus. I hadn't realized he was that far along with his crawling. I had discovered a certain mix of mushrooms was toxic, and as I went to dispose of them, the kettle boiled over. By the time I'd fixed it...
He'd eaten half.
He was so...quiet...
Even as I poured as much healing magic as I could into him...he was so silent and still...
He's awake now, babbling as though nothing happened. Sans refuses to let him out of his sight, still sobbing with residual terror.
I don't blame him.
I'm a fool! I'm a stupid fool! I should have known better then to leave things like that lying around with children in the house! What was I thinking, taking these two in? I can barely take care of myself...
No. I can't give up on them now. I've learned from this. I can improve. I can adjust. I'll keep all medicines and experiments locked up from now on.
Gods, my hands won't stop shaking...
14th May
Whoops, I'd wondered where this had gone. The diary went missing some time ago, I only found it under Papyrus's crib this evening. He'd been chewing on it. Still, the tooth marks aren't that bad.
Its been a state of quiet domesticity here. Now that the worst of the hazards are locked away, the two are fairly easy to care for. Sans rests most of the day as his soul slowly heals, and Papyrus is content so long as he has something to chew on. Though I wonder how long this will last. He is showing interest in trying to walk these days.
There is a steady trickle of monsters coming through my door these days, seeking cures. It's almost like old times again...
I miss her...
16th May
Papyrus took his first steps today! It's the first time I've seen Sans smile since he arrived here. I've put deflecting magic on the corners of everything. I have a feeling it will be neede-
Papyrus just fell over. Good call, Gaster.
19th May
Scouts discovered an abyss in the area we've come to call Waterfall. It's proven to be a goldmine. Humans have been dumping trash here, and it's remarkable what can be salvaged. Many broken farm tools have been salvaged and repaired, and proper fields have been started. Slowly, we rebuild.
21st May.
A bad day. Sans appears to be rebelling against everything I ask of him, his grief and misery fusing in his heart into rage. Even a request to pick his clothes up off the floor will inevitably end in a screaming fit, a cry of "you aren't my father!" and a slammed door. I tried to be patient today, but my will broke in the face of this aggravation. I am not used to parenting.
Mistakes were made.
I said...things I'm not proud of.
The fight only ended when Papyrus began crying at the noise. Now I gently bounce him on my knee as Sans cries in his room.
I just...
I don't know what to do...
22nd May.
His misery overwhelmed him today. As I updated my notes this evening I heard a soft noise from the doorway. In all my years as a doctor, I've never seen more grief on anyone's face as I did when I looked up and saw him. Last nights argument had been too much for him.
All he wanted was a hug.
For the first time, as I held him and let him grieve for the life he'd lost on the surface, I felt as though I could do this. It would be hard. I will make mistakes. But I can be a father. Maybe not the best one, but I will try. For their sakes, I will try.