A/N: Alright, it's time to answer the two questions that I've been getting the most. 1 - is Riley coming back? I'm going to give you the very short answer: yes. But that's it! No more hints. 2 - is James going to cheat on Lily with Sydny? Another short answer: absolutely not. Again, nothing more to add to that. And now moving on to chapter 8. This isn't as "fun" as the previous chapters. Still some jokes (what's a chapter without jokes?) but a lot of serious conversations are included as well. There's a lot in this chapter that sets up the rest of the story so I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I can wish all I want, but I'm never turning into J.K. Rowling.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 7: Of Events, Insight, & Frying Pans

++LANCE++

I flung myself on to the bed with a whimper. "Don't make me go," I begged, peeking an eye out towards Kay.

She rolled her eyes, swatting me with the towel she just had wrapped around her hair. "Oh right, and make you endure the wrath of your Gran when she finds out you skived off one of the most important charity events of the year to earn money for a new pediatric wing?"

"How important are the children really?" I grumbled, scrunching up my nose in protest. I was joking and Kay knew that, but I could just imagine what Gran would have to say if she overheard me saying things like that. To her, giving back to charity was the show of someone remarkable and distinguished. Being philanthropic was something Gran thrived upon. On top of being a busybody, of course.

"Uh, pretty important," Kay responded, glancing amusedly through the mirror at me. "Kids are in our future, y'know."

I smiled. "I couldn't imagine a better future," I said, meeting her gaze. Five years ago, the idea of children would have scared the hell out of me and now I was welcoming the idea. I was so in love with the girl standing in front of me it surprised even me sometimes.

I slowly climbed off the bed and headed over to where she was standing to wrap my arms around her shoulders from behind. I drew her in and kissed the side of her face, trailing kisses down her jawline towards her exposed neck. "Mm, we should practice the baby-making process in the meantime."

She giggled. "Our friends are going to be here in thirty minutes," she whispered, her eyes fluttering closed at the feel of my soft lips on hers.

"Oh, good, that leaves us about twenty minutes," I joked, running my fingers through her wet, tangled hair.

"Lance," she whined. "I need-"

I didn't let her finish that sentence, pressing my lips hungrily to hers. Four years later, I still couldn't get enough of her.

Twenty minutes later, I was scrambling around for my discarded clothing while Kay shooed into the bathroom to quickly dry her hair complaining that she had no time to finish getting ready.

I chucked my work robes into the back of our closet, all the while grabbing my best dress robes to throw on for tonight's event. We looked like schoolchildren, running around so as not to get caught in the crossfire of our friends' amused interrogations.

Too late.

"Knock, knock!"

I froze as I heard Lily's voice cry out downstairs. Minutes later, I heard footsteps on the stairwell. "Damn Lily Evans for always being so punctual," I muttered. I cried out into the bathroom, "Couldn't you have made friends with people who show up late?"

She peeked her head out hesitantly, quirking an eyebrow. "You mean like your sister?"

A chortle escaped my lips, ignoring the sadness in her tone. My sister did always know how to be fashionably late. I learned that if I tell her to meet me somewhere at 10:00 AM, that really meant 11:00 in her mind. "No time for jokes, Richards!"

She chuckled and shut the door behind her. I heard rustling and knew she was hastily trying to squeeze into her dress. I threw on my own dress robes in haste, hoping all of the buttons and buttonholes matched up.

"Knock, knock!"

I swore and threw on my tie, heading to the bedroom door. Let's hope I looked somewhat put together. "Hey, guys!" I greeted with an over-exaggerated smile. "Wow, Lily, you look amazing."

She smiled hesitantly, looking at me curiously. "Why, thank you. You look…er…well…"

I cringed. "Like a hot mess?" I snickered, earning a laugh from both James and Lily. "Yeah, we're running a bit behind schedule at the moment."

James snickered, glancing behind my shoulder. "Based on the disheveled bed and your shirt hanging on the nightstand, I'm pretty sure I know why."

I chuckled embarrassedly, glancing behind me at the shirt I had left behind. "Oops?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Why is that no one nowadays can keep it in their pants?"

James laughed, amused by my curious gaze. "She walked in on Sirius last night."

Lily shuddered. "Don't remind me."

"And why, per se, were you walking into Sirius' room without knocking?"

"He wasn't in his room, he was downstairs in the library!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "What, the walk up the stairs was too far for him?"

"Apparently," she drawled dryly.

I grinned as I attempted to button myself up neatly this time. "We have a fully stocked mini-fridge downstairs. You guys want anything?"

"Yes, please!" Lily said immediately. "If not for the sole reason of hoping to forget the horrible mental image of Sirius half-naked with a girl."

"So, basically, make you a strong one?"

She grinned. "You know me well. Kay in the bathroom?"

I nodded. "Yep. Meet you downstairs?"

James followed me downstairs as I pestered him about what Lily possibly could have witnessed the night before. He was laughing too hard to really describe it.

"Poor Lily. She'll never look at a library the same." I laughed. "You want a beer? Firewhiskey? Cosmopolitan?'

He looked at me, amused. "You know how to make a cosmopolitan?"

I snickered. "It's Kay's favorite drink. But don't ask me to make anything else fruity. It will probably end up killing you."

He chuckled. "I think I'll stick with a beer."

"Good choice." I headed into our refrigerator and tossed him a beer before grabbing one for myself. I started mixing a few cosmopolitans for Kay and Lily and glanced towards the stairwell. "So how long do you think those two will take? Twenty minutes? Thirty? Two hours?"

James laughed. "Knowing those two, closer to two hours."

I groaned. "I despise these charity events. Why even pretend it's for charity? We all know these events are mostly for all of the pretentious, prestigious witches and wizards who want to stuff themselves into one room and talk about how much money they have while getting sloshed."

"Hey, we happen to be two of those prestigious wizards," James pointed out with a chuckle.

"Maybe you are," I said, giving him a look. "But the moment I defied my grandmother's wishes to join the Ministry and instead opened a bookstore, my prestige has gone way down."

"You're still a Gilmore," James reminded me.

I made a face. "Do you think I could take Kay's surname when we marry?"

James couldn't help but laugh. "How rebellious of you." He took a seat on the couch as I finished up mixing the girls' drinks in the pitcher. "So, Australia, hm?"

I glanced behind me and noticed his eyes resting on the Australia guide books. "Yeah," I murmured, meeting his curious gaze. "It's supposed to be beautiful."

"It is."

I glanced at him, confused.

"I was there two years ago on our Auror training mission."

"Oh, right."

"Can I ask you something?"

Here it goes. "Yeah."

"Why did you choose Australia?"

I sighed, turning around to face him. "It has nothing to do with my sister."

He frowned. "I never said it did."

"It's what you're thinking, though," I argued.

He didn't respond.

"Look, James," I sighed. "I have always wanted to go to Australia. So has Kay. We were going to go on a Mediterranean cruise, but I eventually insisted on Australia. I just didn't think it was fair to have our decision swayed by the mere fact that a girl who disappeared four years ago just happens to be living somewhere in Australia. Australia is huge. It's not like we're going to run into her."

"Your chances of running into her would be decreased if you went on that cruise," he pointed out.

I shot him a look. "James."

He winced. "Sorry," he said with a sigh. "You're right. It just…" he trailed off, his brow furrowing curiously. "I wish things had turned out differently, that's all."

"Don't we all," I murmured.

He gazed up at me, his eyes full of regret. "Are you going to go to Hainabel or Crockit?"

Hainabel and Crockit were the only two strictly wizarding towns in Australia. Most wizards and witches in Australia ended up cohabitating in Muggle towns due to the lack of wizarding towns. "No," I said, shaking my head. "Kay would much rather see koala bears and kangaroos than other witches and wizards."

That got him to crack a smile. "I'm sorry. I know it's not my place to question your motives."

I shrugged. "My guess is you rock-paper-scissored it with the gang about who was going to talk to me about it and you lost out."

He made a face. "You know us so well."

I let out a curt laugh, but there was still hesitance in my eyes.

"Don't feel guilty for going where you want to go on your honeymoon," James spoke up. I glanced up, surprised that he somehow knew what I was feeling. I don't know why I was surprised. James Potter was a pro at reading people. "And I'm sorry if I'm making you feel that way. That really isn't my intention."

I shrugged. "I knew this would happen. I knew that once we announced our honeymoon location, we'd get crap from everyone."

James frowned. "Honestly, Lance, you shouldn't feel guilty over the fact that you're choosing to go to Australia. But what did you expect from us? Of the millions of countries you could have visited, you choose one that will always have a bad rep in our minds."

I chugged the rest of my beer, trying not to show my irritation. She was my sister. Did no one understand that I was hurt by her disappearance as well? "I realize that, James," I said coolly. "But I'm not going to let her strip us of our dignity and desires. She wins that way. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let her win after what she had put us all through."

James hesitated, his beer midway to his mouth. He slowly met my gaze, defeat resting in his eyes. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we're being biased. Maybe we shouldn't let her be influencing us like this. But do you blame us?"

"Not at all," I retorted immediately. I stood up, going to grab another beer from the mini-fridge. "I just don't want my life to be defined by her disappearance anymore."

James nodded, taking a swig of beer pensively. He said eventually, "That's…um…easier said than done."

I glanced over my shoulder, sensing regret in his tone. I suddenly wondered if it was Riley he was thinking about or his older brother, Wyatt, who had left home eight years earlier without a goodbye to anyone. "I know," I sighed.

"Hey, what are you two gabbing about?" my fiancée's voice rang out. I glanced behind me and was incredibly struck by her beauty. She was wearing a silky yellow gown and I had never in my life wanted to tear a dress off her body more than I did in that moment. "Ooh, cosmos!" she squealed.

I smiled, and poured two cosmopolitans to hand to her and Lily. "You look stunning," I whispered, kissing Kay on the cheek.

She blushed while Lily cleared her throat loudly, giving me a look. I rolled my eyes. "You look stunning too, Lily."

She grinned. "Thanks!"

"Y'know, the compliment would feel more heartfelt if you didn't beg for it," James joked, reaching his hand out to her.

"At least Lance complimented me," Lily argued, narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend. "Which is more than I can say for you."

"Hey, you always look beautiful to me," he said with a smile, kissing her hand.

"That would feel a lot more heartfelt if I didn't have to beg for it," she teased. She shrieked as he pulled her down on top of him, tickling her sides. A bit of her cosmopolitan sloshed on to the dark couch.

Kay and I couldn't help but watch, amused. Sometimes, the two of them acted like children. But in a weird way, it was refreshing to see them like this. It was these little moments that made me realize how important love really was.

"I could use a little help here!" Lily gasped, struggling to wriggle free from her boyfriend's strong gasp.

"Nah, it's more entertaining to watch," Kay said with a smirk.

Lily whimpered as James let up, kissing the side of her neck before freeing her. She smacked his shoulder, but there was a hint of a smile on her face as she stood up. "My dress is wrinkled," she complained.

"You still look beautiful," he whispered, reaching for her hand and kissing the back of it.

She rolled her eyes. "That compliment just feels forced now," she said with a teasing smile, leaning over to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek.

He laughed as Lily finished off her drink with one last gulp. "C'mon, we should get going. Wouldn't want to show up late."

"Why not?" I asked sincerely.

Kay smacked me on the chest. "Think of the children, Lance!"

I chuckled lightly and kissed the side of her face. "Oh, fine."

James rolled his eyes, climbing off the couch. "You're just thinking about the open bar right now, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

++LILY++

It was hard to recognize the atrium in St. Mungo's. There were crowds of women in beautiful gowns and men in sharp-looking dress robes. Large, silver and gold, ostentatious decorations adorned the walls and ceilings. Tables aligned the walls filled with copious amounts of food and there were lines of people waiting for the bars to open up.

"Hey!" a familiar voice greeted from behind us.

I turned around and smiled at Keegan and Fabian, who both looked rather attractive with Keegan's deep purple sequined dress and Fabian's matching tie.

"And how long did it take you to pick out those matching outfits?" James teased.

Keegan quirked an unamused eyebrow. "I've made friends with the bartender and have been granted permission to skip the line for whatever drinks I want tonight. Do you really want to make fun of us?"

He grinned. "You look absolutely breathtaking, Miss Keegan Rouge!"

"Wow, that almost sounded sincere," Fabian chimed in.

James chuckled. "Do I dare want to know how you made friends with a bartender?" he asked Keegan curiously.

She smiled slyly. "The guy was eighteen. What do you think I did? I flashed him."

Kay and I couldn't help but groan as the guys all laughed. Fabian even threw in a wolf-whistle.

"So, which bar is this guy stationing?" Lance asked curiously. "Because my hand is empty."

She laughed and gestured for us all to follow her. We started to make our way through the crowds, stopping to say hello to the many people we knew. Ministry Officials and Healers and Aurors and fellow Order members and Lance's family and Daily Prophet swarmed us. As the minutes ticked by, we were all getting increasingly agitated that we were still alcohol-less.

"Must you guys know so many people?" Lance whimpered.

"Hey, your grandmother took up nearly ten minutes of our time complaining about your damned bookstore," I teased.

Lance made a face. "Precisely why I need a drink."

Caleb snickered. He had been chatting with his grandmother initially before she got her claws into Lance. Thankfully, he was able to follow us out of that near trainwreck. "You could have become an Auror."

Lance glared at him. "Why do you insist on rubbing your perfect life in my face?" he whimpered.

"My life is perfect? Hm, that's news to me."

"You did marry a pretty awesome girl, I hear," Shannon piped up from beside her husband. Even pregnant, she looked amazing in a long silk black dress.

"Yes, and that said awesome girl is pregnant," Lance pointed out with an overdramatic pout. "Something Gran brags about every chance she gets."

Caleb grinned. "I can't help that I'm the first one to give her a grandchild."

"I blame Rafe for never marrying," Lance growled. "But alas, I can only blame you for being the perfect Gilmore who first got married, who is now giving Gran her first grandchild, and who actually went into the Auror field."

"Hm. I am perfect, aren't I?" He ducked as Lance attempted to swat at him.

"Yes," Shannon spoke, kissing her husband's cheek. "But I might be a bit biased."

Lance opened his mouth again to clearly put in his two cents, when Fabian interjected. "Whoa, is that Sydny?"

I perked up immediately, turning around to glance at where Fabian's gaze was directed. I had heard so many complaints about her from James that I was eager to actually put a face to a name. As I spotted a woman in an elegant gold gown heading our way, I suddenly knew why Fabian said 'whoa.' She made me look like a troll.

"Well, she officially makes me look like a whale," Shannon muttered my own sentiments.

Caleb chuckled, quickly protesting as he kissed her. "You're beautiful."

"Hey, Sydny," Fabian greeted s she met up with them.

"Hey guys," she drawled, giving Fabian a once-over. "You clean up nicely, Fabian."

"You don't look half-bad yourself," he responded.

Half-bad didn't even begin to describe her.

"So, you must be Lily," she said with a smile as she turned to face me. "Personally, I think you're crazy for moving in with this lug, but I'm glad I finally get to meet you."

I couldn't help but laugh as James merely rolled his eyes. I was curious how she knew that he and I were moving in together. James had done nothing but complain about her since she moved into his cubicle, so I would be surprised to hear that he was the one to tell her. "If it helps, I, too, think I must be crazy for moving in with him."

"This coming from the girl who wants to marry me," he teased, kissing the side of my head.

"Ah," said Sydny, glancing over at me, "Well, that confirms your craziness."

James rolled his eyes again, glancing back towards Lance. "I feel your sentiment, man. I definitely need that drink."

"I'm proud to know that I drive you towards alcohol," Sydny retorted with a smirk.

"You probably drive a lot of people towards alcohol," James muttered, sliding past her and towards the bar.

"Always a pleasure talking to you, Potter," she snorted to his back.

He hesitated before turning back around. "I talk to you enough in the office, Lafevre," he grunted. "I'm choosing to avoid you in order to spend my Saturday in the company of those I actually enjoy."

I grimaced but kept my mouth shut. I saw an icy determination flickering in my boyfriend's eyes, enough to know that he's clearly already made up his mind about Sydny.

"Ah, yes, surrounded by your minions, hm?"

James' eyes narrowed at her. "I think you mean friends, Lafevre. Although, I can understand why your memory has failed to retain that word."

"Really? You're going to get into the friends argument again?" Fabian chimed in with a groan.

I glanced over at him curiously. "The 'friends argument?'"

"Believe me, the argument is too childish for you to want to know about it."

James glared at his coworker. "You try working with Haughtyhouse Syd and tell me you won't break out into arguments."

"You're allowed to break out into arguments all you want," Fabian said with a casual shrug. "About work. But an argument about whether or not Sydny has friends or whether or not yours can be called a gang or minions isn't really worth the time. Maybe you should focus your time and energy on destroying Voldemort."

Syndy's fists clenched tightly, her smirk fading into a frown. "Don't accuse me of not doing my job, Prewett," she murmured with a glare. There was an iciness in her eyes that almost seemed permanent. "Just because Potter here would rather turn everything into an argument doesn't mean-"

"Oh, don't you dare blame our lack of ability to work together on me," James snarled. Keegan and I shared an uncomfortable glance, sensing discomfited rage in James' voice. And I knew enough to know that when James got angry, it was best to steer clear of him. "I was doing just fine before you came along."

"Maybe you got a bit too comfortable working solo and forgot what it was like working in a partnership," she shot back.

"Maybe you got a bit too controlling and forgot what it was like working in a partnership."

"I'm not the only controlling one here, Potter."

James frowned, a deep crease forming in his forehead. A crease I knew all too well. It meant he wanted to argue but knew she was right. "You don't know a damned thing about me, Lafevre, so don't try to psychoanalyze me," he requested, his tony icy.

"Or maybe I just know you better than you'd like me to," she smirked, flashing him a smug smile. I froze instantly, recognizing that smug smile. I gazed over at my boyfriend, realizing that I saw that exact same smile on him for nearly our entire seven years spent at Hogwarts.

And suddenly I realized that this witty banter he was sharing with Sydny sounded all too familiar.

I glanced over at Sydny furtively, wondering what it was about her that bothered my boyfriend so much. Even though there was a smile on Sydny's face, I saw stony hollowness in her eyes that looked habitual. I obviously had no idea what Sydny's story is, but that look was one I knew all too well. Even thirteen years after my parents' death, I still found a reason to keep my heart guarded so matter how much I tried to let everyone in.

James' lips pursed unevenly. "We're at a charity event, Lafevre," he grunted. "So how about we just avoid each other in order to have fun tonight?"

"That's about the smartest thing you've said thus far."

James rolled his eyes. "Do you enjoy getting a rise out of me?"

I had to shake my head in disbelief. I probably said those exact same words to James over a hundred times before we got together. This was becoming uncanny.

"Maybe a little," she teased. She started sashaying away from him, throwing me a curious gaze. "It was nice meeting you, Lily." She disappeared into the crowd and based on the relieved look on James' face, he was thrilled over that.

"She seems…" I trailed off. "Nice?"

I glanced up at James, who shook his head with a scowl. "She's the devil," James argued quickly.

Fabian rolled his eyes, shooting him a look. "It would be awesome if you two could at least pretend to get along with each other."

"Yeah, keep dreaming," James snorted. "Now are we going to get that drink or not?"

Fabian attempted to hide his amused smile at his coworker as Keegan grabbed a hold of his hand and directed all of us towards the bar.

An hour later, James and I were on the dance floor with Frank and Alice, enjoying the Weird Sisters play an upbeat set of songs. We were all laughing and enjoying a night away from our usual weekend routine.

"So, why do you hate Sydny so much?" I asked curiously as James spun me around.

James' face showed hesitation. "I don't…hate her, per se, I just-"

The end of his sentence was drowned out by the boisterous laughter from Frank and Alice's mouths. "Is that why you said you hated her just yesterday?" Alice snickered.

"And the day before," Frank added.

"Last week."

"Every day-"

"-since the day you met her."

James scowled. "No need for the comments from the Peanut Gallery."

"Then don't tell blatant lies," Frank joked, shooting his coworker a look.

"Maybe if she didn't go out of her way to irk me I wouldn't feel the need to hate her," James murmured as the song ended. We all gave the Weird Sisters a round of applause and with a gesture from Frank, headed to the bar.

"Do you ever think that perhaps you irk her just as much as she irks you?" Alice considered.

James rolled his eyes. "Not even possible."

"You two fight like cats and dogs," Frank agreed.

"Or like me and James five years ago?" I chimed in, lifting a curious eyebrow.

Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at me. "What?" James eventually asked.

I shrugged, cracking a smile. "It's true. Your banter with Sydny reminds me of the two of us at Hogwarts. Let's face it, we loved to irk each other."

"No, we didn't!"

I laughed. "Okay, fine. Maybe it was just you who liked to irk me."

"No, I didn't!" James whined.

"Uh, yes you did. We can all attest to that," Alice pointed out. "You loved to see her riled up."

James hesitated. "Well, I certainly don't enjoy seeing Sydny riled up. And please don't even insinuate that I do."

"Of course not," I interjected with a shrug as Frank ordered us all another round of drinks from the bartender. "Because she's you and you're me in this scenario."

"Come again?" James scoffed,

I laughed at the scowl on his face. "She's the one who's going out of her way to apparently annoy you where she will then merely flash her smug smile and walk off, unruffled, while you're the one complaining about it and claiming you hate her to your friends. It's classic James and Lily."

James took a beer from Frank's hand and glanced up towards him. "I'm going to need something stronger if she continues to call me a girl."

I grinned sheepishly. "Well, look how that classic James-and-Lily game turned out for us. So maybe it will all work out between you and Sydny."

James shuddered. "I don't like that implication."

I gave him a look. "I didn't mean it like that, James," I said with a shake of my head, nursing my gin and tonic. A part of me might have been worried about the two of them, but jealousy wasn't my thing. "I'm simply saying perhaps you need to give her a chance just like I eventually did with you. She's probably not nearly as bad as you make her out to be."

James frowned and I saw a flicker of irritation in his eyes. "You met her for all of five seconds, Lily. I've known her for a couple weeks now. I think I know her better than you do."

I cringed, knowing I should have just kept my mouth shut. But from what I can see from Sydny, it was probably better to keep her as a friend than an enemy. "Sorry, I'm just trying to make your partnership a tad more bearable so that you don't have to come home every night wanting to scream. Especially since you'll be coming home to me."

James rolled his eyes. "I've tried being nice. She doesn't respond to nice."

"Ah, yes, but she responds to yelling?" Alice snorted.

James clenched his fists in frustration. "I didn't want Lafevre to psychoanalyze me and I don't want you guys to, either. Change the subject or I'm blowing this joint."

I sighed, recognizing the sincerity behind the ultimatum. When James didn't want to talk about something, he wouldn't budge.

"Er…not to keep on the subject of Sydny, but is that her chatting with Sirius?" Frank asked, nodding in the direction of the two.

James swore and immediately stormed over there. I groaned and quickly followed him.

++SIRIUS++

I saw her the moment she walked into the room. It was the girl that I had run into when I was fishing around the California for clues after the attack. The girl that had somehow knew Moody and who he knew in return. I found my way over to her, curiosity getting the better of me.

"You're not really an Auror, are you?" she had first said when I walked up to her.

My eyebrow arched. "I actually never said I was."

"Moody gave me that impression."

"Then take it up with him, not me," I said with a mysterious smile. Man, this girl was hot. "And how do you know I'm not an Auror?"

I was pleased when she smiled back. "I have my ways."

"Ah, keeping tabs on me, hm? I've got to say, there are worse things in life," I teased. "Now, do you have a name or do you enjoy being so mysterious?"

"SIRIUS!"

I glanced over to where my best friend was storming my way. I tried desperately to figure out what I possibly could have done to earn the rage in his voice. I came up blank.

"What happened to avoiding each other?" the gorgeous girl standing in front of me scowled to James.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Do you two know each other?"

James narrowed his eyes at me, pointing to the girl beside me. "This is Sydny."

My mouth dropped open. I had no idea that this was the Sydny that James had spoken of in the past. But if this really was Slaughterhouse Syd, it certainly explained what she was doing on the west coast after the attack. And it certainly explained why she may have been the first one on the scene. She was officially enigmatic to me.

Oh, and she was also so bloody gorgeous.

Damn, and now James was telling me this was the girl I had to keep away from?

"You say that so enthusiastically," she drawled sardonically, interrupting me. "And how the hell do you two know each other?"

"He's my best mate," James said dryly. "Or at least he was."

I rolled my eyes but before I could retort, Sydny chimed in. "What are the odds?" she murmured with a groan, shooting a look at me. "And I thought you were okay."

I grinned. "Don't hate on me because my friend is a jackass."

James scowled. "This coming from the guy who deliberately went behind my back!"

"I didn't deliberately do anything," I corrected, shaking my head. "I had no idea who she was."

"What are you two babbling about?"

"None of your concern," James snapped.

Sydny rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm clearly unwelcome here."

"No, you're not," I said with a cheeky grin.

"Yes, she is," James said immediately, shooting me a look.

"Did anyone ever tell you how incredibly courteous you are?" Sydny drawled, her words dripping with much sarcasm.

"Go flirt with someone else, Slaughterhouse," James growled.

I could have opened my mouth to stop her, but the irate look on James' face kept my mouth shut. But that didn't stop me from checking out her tight ass as she sauntered off into the crowd.

"OW!" I shouted when James clocked me on the back of my head. "What the hell was that for?"

"There are over a hundred single girls here tonight!" James scowled. "You couldn't have chosen another girl to flirt with?"

"Hey, you might dislike the girl, but you can't ignore the fact that is a drop dead gorgeous. You can't blame me for wanting her!" I whined. "But we hadn't gotten to the introductions yet so I didn't even know her name."

James' eyes narrowed curtly. "Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes," I emphasized. "Look, while I may not understand why it is you are so determined to keep me away from your gorgeous coworker, I'm not going to intentionally go behind your back. And if I was going to go behind your back, I would do a better job of it than flirting with Sydny at a charity event with a million of your friends and coworkers around, an event that you also so happen to be attending."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You need to lighten up."

James sighed. "Yeah, I know," he murmured.

I glanced up at him curiously, sensing distress in his words. James had always been such a lighthearted, upbeat kind of guy, but recently, it was as if whatever smile he was wearing on his face didn't reach his eyes. Despair and stress seemed to outweigh his every emotion, and I couldn't figure out what it could be. Was it Sydny's recent appearance on scene? Was it Lily moving in? Was it work-related? Was it something to do with the Order? Was it all of the above? None of the above? He was such a closed book recently that I couldn't even ask him about it. He wouldn't admit anything anyway.

As I snuck a peek over at Lily, I noted a flicker of reluctance in her gaze that made me realize I wasn't the only one wondering what was on James' mind. But just like me, I knew she wouldn't ask him about it. Lately, it was better to just pretend things were fine around James than admit that perhaps things were far from fine.

++JAMES++

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

I stormed up the long-winded staircase in Potter Manor, taking the stairs by twos, muttering a stream of obscenities under my breath. I was seriously going to kill him.

I skidded to a halt outside his bedroom door and pounded both my fists brutally against the wooden door. I didn't even care that she was probably still in that room.

The door thrust open to reveal my best friend looking weary and aggravated. "What the hell, Prongs?"

"Don't what the hell me! I should be what the helling you!"

Sirius leaned against his doorframe with a stifled yawn. "I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Sydny."

Sirius blinked once. "What about her?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Black!" I barked irritably.

"I'm not playing anything, I really am dumb," he drawled. He hesitated. "Wait, that came out wrong."

I shot him a look. "Dedalus just informed me that Sydny left the charity event with my best mate."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Well, this best mate sure as hell didn't leave with Sydny. No matter how much I wanted to."

My eyes narrowed. "Are you messing with me?"

"No," Sirius argued, rolling his eyes. "You want to check my room? My closet? Under the bed? Bathroom? Balcony? There's no girl hiding in here, Prongs."

I glared at him. "Are you sure?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember if a girl were throwing herself under my mattress. Typically, they keep themselves atop the mattress."

I rolled my eyes at him. "If you didn't go home with her, then who the hell did?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but he was interrupted by a door opening down the hall. We both turned and were shocked to see Sydny Lafevre strolling towards us, her cheeks flushed and her hair falling out of the poised bun it had been in earlier that evening. She froze when she saw us.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

"I live here. This is Potter Manor," I snapped.

"Seriously?" she murmured, her ears turning pink.

I nodded.

"This night just keeps getting better," she muttered, barely audible. When she glanced back up at me, I noticed guilt flickering across her eyes. "Er…I should be going now."

Before I could say another word, she slid past me and headed down the stairs.

My eyes migrated towards Sirius in surprise.

"Don't look at me!" he said, throwing his hands up in the air innocently.

Another door opened as Remus suddenly whisked himself into the hallway. "Wait, Sydny, you forgot your-" He stopped short when he saw us, "purse."

My eyes widened in shock and even Sirius had to balance himself up against the doorframe, his mouth dropping open. We were both rendered speechless, which was a big feat for us.

Remus shot me a sheepish grin. "Er…hey guys," he muttered awkwardly before rushing past me and down the stairs after Sydny.

"Did I really just see that?" Sirius murmured.

It took a few seconds for me to compose myself. "Uh…yeah, I think that just happened."

"I need to sit down."

"Me, too."

We didn't even bother slipping into Sirius' room. Our surprise overtook us and we both plopped down on to the hallway floor, as I tried to determine if I really just witnessed Sydny doing the walk of shame from Remus' bedroom.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard footsteps on the staircase. I glanced up as Remus appeared standing over the two of us.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

"What the hell are you doing with Sydny!?" I blurted out.

He shrugged. "None of your business," he muttered, stepping over me. "Now, I'm exhausted, so if-"

"Yeah, you are," Sirius said with a crude grin.

Remus glared at him. "I don't appreciate the implication."

"How was she?" Sirius demanded to know.

My hands flew to my ears. "I don't want to know!"

Sirius chuckled. "I can't believe you took Sydny home," he said, glancing up at Remus in amusement. "I came home empty-handed and you took home the most gorgeous girl at the event. The planets must be misaligned."

"You didn't come home with a girl?" Remus asked, clearly surprised.

"Don't change the subject, Lupin!" I interjected, glaring at him as I climbed off the floor. I hesitated, glancing over at Sirius. "Although, that is very unusual for you. We'll get to that later."

Sirius rolled his eyes, following my suit and getting up off the floor with a yawn. "Awesome, can't wait," he said sarcastically.

I ignored the sarcasm and gazed back over at Remus, who was wearing an amused smile. "Moony, how could you just ignore my request not to go after my coworker?"

Remus shrugged. "Technically, you never asked me to stay away from her. You only asked Sirius."

"Didn't realize you were one to get bogged down with technicalities," I snapped.

Remus shrugged. "I was introducing myself to her, James, because I was curious why this girl bugged you so much, and we ended up hitting it off. We had a couple of laughs at your expenses, we discussed the state of the wizarding world, and we shared a lot of drinks. One thing led to another and…well you know the rest."

I glared at him. "Yes, unfortunately."

He rolled his eyes. "It was just a one-time thing. No biggie. Can you really blame me?"

"Of course I can!" I barked, clenching my fists. "I really didn't think I needed to ask you to keep your hands off of her."

"Clearly, you did," Sirius snickered.

Both Remus and I shot him a look. "You stay out of this," I grunted, shaking my head in disbelief.

Sirius shrugged, throwing up his arms. "Fine by me," he grumbled. "I'm still trying to figure out how it is I'm sleeping alone tonight when I was at an event with a room full of intoxicated females." He hesitated, glancing back towards Remus. "Ahh, how drunk was Sydny?"

Remus glared at him. "Not that drunk."

"Just drunk enough?" Sirius smirked.

"Can you two quit it with the side conversations?" I interjected, my tone full of aggravation.

"And what conversation, pray tell, do you want us to be having?" Remus retaliated with a roll of the eyes. "Because I sure as hell am not having a conversation with you about what goes in the privacy of my own bedroom."

My frustration was starting to mold into anger. "Remus, you were sitting in the game room when I was there requesting Padfoot to stay away from Sydny. You laughed, you made jokes, and you reacted to what Sirius and I were saying! You knew that I wanted to keep my personal and professional life separate and you completely ignored that. Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because I think you're being ridiculous," he responded immediately.

I glared at him. "Come again?"

He shrugged. "I don't think your frustration has anything to do with you wanting to keep your professional and personal life separate. I don't think it has anything to do with you wanting us to stay away from Sydny. I don't think it has anything to do with who she is or-"

"If you think you're such an expert on what I'm thinking," I interrupted, narrowing my eyes at him, "then what, pray tell, is my frustration really about?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look and I suddenly knew that they've had a conversation before about my thoughts on Sydny. "James, why did you decide to move in with Lily?" Remus asked.

I had no idea what I had expected Remus to say, but that definitely wasn't it. "What?" I snapped, very uncertain where he was headed with that question.

Remus shrugged. "You heard me."

"Oh, I don't know, because I'm in love with her?" I retorted sarcastically.

Remus snorted. "You've been in love with her for nearly four years."

"Ten actually," Sirius interjected.

"What happened to you staying out of this?" I growled.

Sirius shrugged. "When have I ever stayed out of anything, Prongs?"

Before I could retort, Remus continued. "You'll be with Lily for four years come January. And you've been so scared to make the next move with her. You two had an argument about marriage one night where neither one of you could agree on anything. And then suddenly in walks Sydny and three days later, you're moving in with Lily. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Don't you dare belittle my relationship with Lily, Lupin," I retaliated defensively, rage pouring from my eyes. "I love her. I always have and I always will. I want to move in with her. I want to live with her. I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. And none of that has anything to do with Sydny showing up on the scene."

Remus sighed. "I'm not belittling your feelings for Lily, James," he said cautiously. "I know you love her. That's not the issue."

"There isn't an issue!"

He shrugged, glancing over at Sirius. Sirius sighed reluctantly and said to me, "Sydny reminds you of yourself, James."

I scowled. "Come again?"

"She reminds you of yourself five years ago. She reminds you of yourself now. She reminds you of the guy you're afraid you're turning into."

I was seriously getting tired of all the psychoanalysis. "How can she possibly remind me of all that?" I snorted.

"The witty banter between you two now is an exact replica of the way you and Lily used to act in Hogwarts," Remus chimed in with a shrug. "And her guardedness and inability to let anyone in is exactly how you've been acting lately. Actually, it's exactly how Lily acted before you two got together and lately you've been afraid that you've been slipping away from the girl who you ironically begged to let you into her life.

Sirius continued. "And now looking at Sydny, it's like you're back to where you were four years ago. Sydny's use of sarcasm as her defense mechanism and her fear of opening up and her overwhelming ability to hide her emotions is the person Lily used to be and you wanted so desperately for her to shed that. And now look at you. You are so afraid that you're becoming the person Sydny is and the person Lily used to be. Sydny Lafevre is everything you don't want to be and yet, everything you're turning into. She scares the living hell out of you. You don't want to be that person because you know what it feels like to have someone push you away and guard their heart.

Remus finished for him. I was beginning to get whiplash moving my head back and forth between the two. "So one of the reasons you asked Lily to move in with you was because you're determined not to be the person that Sydny is. You're determined to get back to the way you and Lily used to be back in Hogwarts when she let you in and you didn't give up a fight but you're so afraid it may be too late. And Sydny helped you realize that."

"You're belittling my relationship again," I snapped, narrowing my eyes defensively.

"No, I'm not," Remus murmured, shaking his head. "I'm telling you what you already know but what you're too afraid to admit."

I pursed my lips, glaring at him. I felt my heart begin to race but quickly ignored it. "I'm nothing like Lafevre."

Remus shrugged. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Did you want to get hexed tonight?"

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "James, I'm being serious."

"So, am I."

He rolled his eyes. "You need to let go of whatever is really bothering you," Remus said in all sincerity, his voice firm with caution. "You need to realize that whatever has happened to you in the past is in the past. Don't let it define you. You deserve better. And so does Lily."

"What is this obsession with Sydny and Lily?" I murmured.

"It's not an obsession, just an observation."

"Well, observe someone else." Mostly because I knew that everything he and Sirius had to say was accurate. I just chose to ignore it.

He sighed. "You are so stubborn, y'know that?"

"Yeah, I've been told once or twice before," I drawled sarcastically. Or ten thousand times.

He rolled his eyes. "I hope you know that right now, you're acting exactly like the guy you're so afraid of becoming."

I stiffened, clenching my fists irritably. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He shared another look with Sirius and I was becoming very irritated. Those furtive looks simply told me that they had talked about this before and not in my presence. And I didn't appreciate being talked about behind my back. Remus answered before I could comment. "It's supposed to mean you're throwing up a whole wall full of distance, guardedness, and defense mechanisms. This is classic James: you're pushing us all away by cracking jokes and acting tough because it's easier to do that than actually feel something. But instead of doing it for a brief period of time after dealing with tragedy, it's all the damned time. And P.S. it just so happens to be the way that Sydny acts, too."

"Who the hell are you to tell me that I'm distant, guarded, and I use defense mechanisms instead of actually feeling something, Remus?" I shot back. "Because you haven't exactly been warm and fuzzy since Jillian dumped you."

The words were out before I could stop them. And the hurt look on Remus' face told me I had taken it too far. Even Sirius' mouth dropped open in shock.

"This is what I'm talking about, James," Remus snarled, his eyes blazing with anger. "You are so angry and bitter all the damned time! You throw around insults and you crack cynical jokes and whenever anyone attempts to talk to you, your stubbornness kicks in and you'd rather offend them than admit they actually have something worth listening to! We are all so afraid of talking to you because we know at some point during the conversation, you're just going to return to being your surly, unrestrained self who doesn't care what he says or does. Well, if that's the way you want to be, fine. But don't expect me to want to stick around. I'd rather not hang around someone who is prone to insulting me."

He shoved past me without another word, shooting me one last glare, before stomping into his room. The door slammed behind him and I groaned, shutting my eyes and rubbing them guiltily.

"Smooth, Prongs."

I almost forgot Sirius was standing there. I opened my eyes slowly. "Dammit, Remus is right, isn't he?" I murmured. "I have been kind of a jackass lately, haven't I?"

Sirius hesitated. "I hope you're not expecting an argument from me."

I glanced over at him, anxiety emanating from within. "No," I murmured. "I'm not."

He cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms curiously. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

I sighed. No, I really didn't. But that was mostly because I didn't know if I had all the answers to that question. I leaned up against the wall, defeat resting in my expression. "Sirius," I spoke softly, hanging my head in shame. "I-I wake up every morning praying that nothing bad happened overnight. I go to sleep every night wondering what tragedy will strike next. I sit at my desk every day hoping that Scrimgeour and Moody don't come running out of their offices to tell us a battle has broken out and we're needed. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if everyone I care about is safe. Fear runs my life. And…and I had let it run my life. I had let it affect my friendships and I had let it affect my relationship with Lily. I had let it take over every single second of my life."

Sirius nodded, shrugging knowingly. "And then in walked Sydny?" he suggested.

I glanced up at him, not responding immediately. But he was right. The moment Sydny walked into my office and I saw years of endless pain in her eyes, I somehow felt a connection to her. A connection I didn't want to have, but it was undeniable. We fought because we were overwhelmingly similar. Plain and simple. I didn't know what had happened to her in the past but I knew she was still overcoming what I could only guess was a tumultuous past.

Eventually, I spoke, choosing my words very carefully. "Fear runs her life, too," I explained with a frown. "Believe me, I would know. I have no idea what the hell happened to her in the past, but she is one hell of a brick wall. I can barely talk to the girl without her getting defensive. Anytime I bring up her past, she changes the subject. She barely seems to want to talk about her present, much less her past!"

"But?" Sirius sensed.

"No," I murmured. "No but. Just...when she walked into the office, it was the day after my argument about marriage with Lily. I thought I was deadset on keeping things the way they were. But just being around Lafevre made me realize that that wasn't what I wanted at all. It's just what I had told myself in fear of any more changes. But I'm trying not to live in fear anymore. I-I don't want to end up like Lafevre. So distant and cold and guarded. The problem is, not ending up like that is a lot easier said than done." I crossed my arms defensively, chewing on the inside of my lip. I ran my fingers through my hair like I so often did when feeling helpless. "I've been acting like a royal jerk lately because…because I don't know how to not worry no matter how much I try telling myself it's not worth losing those around me. I don't know how to just live day to day without frightened thoughts entering my mind every few seconds. I don't know how to forget that…that there's a war brewing out there and I am putting myself in danger every day as an Auror and as a member of the Order. I just…I just don't know what to do or think anymore."

Sirius hesitated. "Do you not want to be an Auror or a member of the Order anymore?"

"No, it's not about that," I quickly defended. "I love what I do. But it makes me a hell of a lot more aware of what's going on in the wizarding world."

"Prongs, you can't change the fact that there's a war going on out there," Sirius pointed out with a curt shrug.

"I'm not trying to change it," I murmured. "I just want to know that everything's going to be okay."

He grimaced. "Unfortunately, that's not something anyone can predict."

"I know. And it sucks."

"Yeah," Sirius muttered, nodding knowingly. "It does."

I glanced at him curiously, recognizing the same anxiety in his voice that had been in mine ever since Lafevre showed up.

"And truth is, James, if I were you, I'd probably be acting the same way," he continued with a sigh. "Because out of any of us, you've lost a lot more. None of us blame you for feeling the way you do. Fear is something none of us can help feeling. But don't shut us out because you don't know how to deal with it. Because…" he trailed off hesitantly, gazing at me curiously. He sighed. "Because maybe you need us all more now than you ever did in the past."

I didn't let my eyes stray from his. His words were filled with such determination and strength, and if he weren't my best friend, maybe I would have missed the flicker of regret in his eyes. I had a pretty good feeling that thoughts of Riley were suddenly filling his mind.

He offered me a lopsided smile, adding guiltily, "But if you keep acting this way towards us, James, you're going to lose us, too. And that includes Lily."

I made a face, knowing he was right. I ran Remus' words through my mind and thought back to the day Sydny arrived on the scene and how she had somehow permeated my life. I thought back to the day I asked Lily to move in with me and I thought of Lafevre's reaction. I remembered all of the petty arguments that Lafevre and I have shared. I remembered my foolish reaction to my friends wanting to seduce Sydny. Before she came along, I let fear run my life. Then she showed up and it was almost as if I was letting her run my life. Maybe it was about time I started running my own life. "I'm sorry, Sirius," I murmured sincerely. "For being so angry and bitter lately. And for making you not want to be around me."

Sirius shrugged, nodding towards Remus' door. "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

I sighed, glancing over my shoulder. Without another word to Sirius, I sauntered over to Remus' room. I knocked gently before creaking open the door. Remus didn't even acknowledge me. His head was buried in a book, though I had a feeling he wasn't really reading it. "Hey," I greeted awkwardly.

"You come back to dredge up my failed relationship some more?" His eyes didn't stray from his book.

"No," I muttered guiltily, shaking my head. "Look, you were right. About everything. I've been acting like a jackass because it's easier pushing everyone away than admit that I'm…um…that I'm…" I trailed off.

His eyes peeked out over his book. "Scared?"

I swallowed hard, leaning up against his doorframe with a heavy sigh. "Yeah."

"You're not the only one, James," he pointed out with a curt shrug. "There's no easy way to sugarcoat the fact that we're in the middle of a war. People are dying, others are fighting, and some are even joining the Dark Side. But there's no way to predict who will be dying, who will be fighting, and who will be joining the Dark Side. You can be afraid. Believe me, I am, too. In fact, anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. But the truth of the matter is, James, you can't control what's going to happen. You just have to-"

"Let it happen," I finished with a sigh.

He nodded. "Yeah."

I didn't respond. I knew he was right. But it was a lot easier said than done. All I wanted was to know that no one else in my life was going to be taken from me. I had already been through enough tragedy in the past few years to last me a lifetime. For once, I just wanted to wake up in the morning and not have my first thought be, "Is everyone I love still alive?" It was depressing. "You were right about Sydny, too. I don't want to turn out like her," I muttered. "I don't want to be a...a…"

"Stone wall?"

I glanced up at him. Apparently, all of my ranting over the past week about Sydny has rang in Remus' ears. "Yeah."

Remus placed his book on his bedside table before gazing back over at me. "You're not a stone wall, James. You could be. You should be. But you're not. And maybe it's because you have people around you who care about you and who you care about when unfortunately Sydny doesn't."

My heart sank. And here I've been making fun of the fact that she doesn't have any friends. Maybe there was a reason behind it. "Must you be so-"

"Insightful?" he finished with a smirk. "Here's some more insight for you."

"Oh, great," I muttered sarcastically.

He simply shrugged. "You've changed a lot over the past four years, James."

I snorted. "Oh, real insightful, Lupin. Hate to break it to you, but I already knew that."

He rolled his eyes. "Then you also know how much you wish you could go back to the person you used to be."

I froze, moving my gaze away from his. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do," he argued immediately. "Because I think Sydny also just so happens to remind you of the person you used to be. And working with her every day is not only a constant reminder of the guarded person you don't want to be but she is also a constant reminder of the whimsical guy you loved being five years ago. The guy who enjoyed being challenged. The guy who loved fighting back with a girl who was determined to defy him. The guy who stood his ground. The guy who took risks."

It's like he was reading my mind. Because one minute I was watching Sydny throw up walls and I was wondering why she was so cautious all the damned time and the next minute I was watching Sydny challenge me and throw back snide jokes in my face and a flashback to the way I used to be with Lily would hit me.

I would very much like to point out here to those who are convinced otherwise that I have absolutely attraction to Sydny Lafevre whatsoever.

"Where are you going with this?" I muttered irritably to Remus,

A sly smile spread across his face and I had a feeling that whatever it was that he was going to say, I probably didn't want to hear it. "You were also the guy who asked Lily to marry him. The guy who didn't let tragedy define him. The guy who didn't let fear overtake you. Four years ago, you wouldn't have hesitated before asking Lily to move in with you. You wouldn't have hesitated at all around her. It's like Sirius and I were saying before. You've been in love with her for almost eleven years. Are you really going to let her slip from your fingers because you're clouded by fear?"

I frowned. "Who said anything about letting her slip from my fingers?"

He shrugged. "I'm just giving you some-"

"Insight?" I muttered.

He forced a smile. "Yeah."

"Well, stop, it's annoying." But I cracked a smile. Because even though I hated admitting it, he was right. While I didn't want to let her slip from my fingers, that's the road we were eventually going to go down if I didn't ignore the worries of the future and just focus on the good I had in my present.

"I know," he said with a snicker. "But it's my job to annoy you until you get it."

"Can I just say I get it to get you-"

"Off your back?" he teased.

I chuckled, glancing over at him curiously. "We need to stop finishing each other's sentences."

I was surprised to see a smile creeping up on Remus' face. "We can't," he argued with a shrug. "We've been friends for too long, we just always know what the other is thinking."

I shrugged. "I can think of worse things."

"So can I."

I smiled nostalgically, thinking back to the first time I met Remus. He had been quiet and cautious, only talking to me when spoken to. I thought he was awkward and didn't think he'd ever give me a chance to get to know him. Now, ten years later, he was one of my best friends. And even when I insulted him in the worst way possible, he still found a way to forgive me. "I'm really sorry I brought up Jillian."

Remus flinched. "Forget it."

"No, I can't forget it," I argued immediately. "I knew it was a low blow and I said it anyway."

He shrugged awkwardly. "You were right, though."

I hesitated. "About?"

"I shouldn't exactly be the guy to give you advice on not throwing up defensive walls."

I sighed. "Defensive walls are easy to throw up after you get hurt."

I saw him flinch and knew he probably wanted me to talk about anything else at that moment.

"Don't turn out like me, James."

"What?"

He didn't reply immediately, his gaze falling away from mine, a flicker of regret etched in his eyes. I followed his line of sight and noticed an empty picture frame he was staring intently at. I had a feeling it used to hold a photo of Jillian. I glanced back over at Remus as he spoke. "Don't let her go," he murmured, his eyes not straying from that empty photo. "Fight for her. Every day. Because the moment you have to live a day without her is the day you'll no longer want to live."

"Remus-"

"You'll get through it. But you won't want to. So don't let it come to that," he hastily continued. He met my gaze, a coldness staring back at me. "Don't let her go, James. Not if you don't have to."

"Remus-"

"It's late. I'm going to bed now."

I knew it was a dismissal, but I didn't move, too confused by what just happened.

"Can you turn off my light on the way out?" he murmured as he turned over in his bed, his back now facing me.

I sighed and complied.

I know that it's been a hard road for Remus over the past few months, but it had always been so difficult getting him to admit that. The day after Jillian broke up with him, I thought he would take the Sirius approach and hole himself in his room, refusing to talk to anyone. So imagine my surprise when he insisted on heading to Joe's for our usual Sunday morning routine. It might be the only Sunday morning that every single one of us showed up at the coffee shop, knowing that while Remus didn't want to talk about it, he needed our support. And to this day, we continued to support him. Until I let my frustration get the better of me and hurt my friend in the worst possible way by bringing up his horrible break-up. He already had the constant reminder that he wasn't a husband and I had to go and throw it in his face. As I plunged into my own bed with a frustrated grunt, I knew I had to be a better person. For Remus, for Sirius, for my other friends who I had been pushing away, for even Sydny, and especially for Lily.

++LILY++

I stirred that night when I felt a dip in the end of my bed. I glanced over my shoulder and felt familiar soft lips press against my cheekbone. "Mm," I murmured as James ran his hands comfortingly up my arm, adding a kiss to my exposed neck. "Shouldn't you be chewing Sirius out?"

"Nah," he muttered, snuggling up behind me and wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Turns out, I had the wrong guy."

"What? Dedalus lied?"

"Oh, no, Sydny went home with my friend," he said. "Just not Sirius."

I was more confused than ever.

"It was Remus."

"What?" I cried out, whirling around to face him in shock. "Are you sure?"

"Well, Sydny came barreling out of his room smelling like sex."

"Ew."

He chuckled. "Oh, and Remus admitted he slept with her."

"Wow. I did not see that coming."

He laughed, kissing my cheek. "I didn't either."

I smiled, trying not to show my worry. It seemed that lately, Remus had taken a similar approach with women that Sirius has for the past four years. And I knew that there was no way it satisfied him. He had never been the type to have one-night-stands. The strained smile he always wore on his face proved that he was hurting. But he was so determined to pretend that everything was fine and that he was moving on, that he preferred to act like the player he could be than the guy he really was, which was someone that was hurting and couldn't imagine being with any other girl.

"I'm sorry I ran out on you tonight," he murmured.

I shrugged. "You do realize that when we're living together, you won't be able to run out on me as much," I joked, winking at him.

He frowned. "I never want to run out on you again."

I glanced at him, confused. "That was meant as a joke."

"You know I love you, right?"

I hesitated, uncertain where the heaviness in his voice was coming from. "What's going on?"

He shook his head. "Nothing," he argued, forcing a smile on his face, wrapping his arms tighter around me. "Just know that I love you."

"I do know that."

He smiled at me, a smile filled with relief and satisfaction, and before I could comment, he pressed his lips to mine in a frenzy. I didn't question it. I merely kissed him back, my hands finding their way into his hair.

"I'm so glad we're moving in with each other, Lils," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it's what I want."

I smiled, running my fingers through the end of his hair. "You've been through a lot, James," I said softly. "I know how-"

"Yeah, but that shouldn't affect us," he muttered, though the look in his eyes told me he was more convincing himself of that than me. "I'm…I'm just sorry that I let it."

"You didn't," I urged, slowly climbing on top of him with a reassuring smile. "You asked me to move in with you, did you not?"

He brought his hands up to my cheeks and pressed his lips softly to mine. "I have been through a lot," he reiterated, kissing my nose and then my forehead. "And you've been there by my side to help me get through it. I always want you by my side."

I don't know, but I felt relief fill my heart. "I'm not going anywhere," I spoke, as James' lips trailed down my jawline towards my neck.

"You promise?" he whispered hoarsely, his lips now getting dangerously close to my cleavage.

"I promise," I reassured immediately, letting out a light moan as he let his tongue lick the top of my breasts. I let out a startled cry when suddenly we were thrown from our intimate moment by a soft knock on my door. I fell to James' side with a defeated sigh as the door slowly opened and Keegan peeked her head in, a frying pan in her hand. "Oops, sorry," she murmured guiltily. "I thought I heard a noise in here."

I lifted an eyebrow. "What's with the frying pan?"

She grinned sheepishly. "I thought we might have an intruder!"

"And you were going to make him some eggs?" James teased. "Why wouldn't you have just used your wand?"

She hesitated, slowly bringing the frying pan down from over her head. "I don't make a very good witch, do I?"

Both James and I chuckled. "An impulsive one, perhaps," I snickered.

She sighed, shrugging. "Fabian should have been the one to attack the intruder anyway. Isn't that why we keep boyfriends around?"

"Yep," I said, earning a look of feigned hurt from James. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

"Where is Fabian?"

"Dead asleep," she whined. "I tried waking him, but he wouldn't budge. That kid could sleep through a duel going on in the same room."

We laughed, knowing she was absolutely right.

She leaned up against the doorframe curiously. "What are you doing here anyway, James? I thought you were off killing Black?"

James shrugged, stifling a yawn. "Nah, not tonight."

Keegan made a face. "Damn, and I had the champagne chilling."

"Sorry to disappoint," James snickered.

"Ah, well," Keegan sighed, shrugging. "Wouldn't want that champagne to go to waste. Might as well open it up now."

"At one o'clock in the morning?" I snorted.

"Hey, I'm depressed. I just found out that Black isn't dead."

I rolled my eyes, but James couldn't help but laugh. "Well, here's some news you might be entertained with," he said with a sly smile. "Remus went home with Sydny tonight and Sirius went home with no one."

I burst into laughter as Keegan's mouth dropped open. "Remus went home with the hottest girl at the event?"

"HEY!" I argued.

Keegan shrugged. "Oh, please, all the guys were drooling over her tonight."

"Not me," James retorted, rolling his eyes. "My drool will always be saved for Lily."

I peaked an eyebrow. "That sounds slightly disturbing," I teased.

"Yeah, that was something I didn't need to hear," Keegan said with a hint of a smile. "Now, I definitely need that champagne."

I glanced sideways over at my boyfriend, who shrugged. "Well, we can't let you drink alone," he said with a grin. He grabbed my hand and we followed her into the kitchen.

Eventually, Fabian joined us. We ended up spending another hour hanging out, drinking champagne, and gossiping about the charity event. I couldn't help but steal glances over at James throughout that hour. Something was different about him. The smile on his face felt real. I couldn't remember the last time that smile reached his eyes, but happiness was emanating from within. I had no idea what had happened that night between James and Remus, maybe even Sirius, too, but I was grateful for it.

++REMUS++

I didn't end up going to sleep like I had told James. I tossed and turned for about an hour before realizing it was completely useless. I instead chose to grab a six-pack from downstairs and enjoy it as much as I possibly could on my balcony. I use the term 'enjoy' very loosely.

I heard my door creak open behind me and moments later, I saw Sirius' shadow appear. I barely acknowledged him, taking a swig of beer.

"I thought I heard you come upstairs with clinking bottles."

I shrugged. "Want one?"

He hesitated, shaking his head. "Nah," he murmured, taking a seat beside me.

Neither of spoke, but I could tell by the way he kept peeking over at me with that mysterious glint in his eye, he was curious how my night with Sydny went. Usually, I indulge him with my anecdotes, but tonight I was feeling particularly down. I couldn't help but blame part of that on the fact that James brought up Jillian earlier.

"How do you do it, Sirius?" I eventually blurted out.

He glanced over at me, arching a confused eyebrow. "Do what?"

I frowned. "How do you make it look so easy?"

From the corner of my eye, I could tell he was staring at me with pure bewilderment. "You're going to need to elaborate," he said, snickering with amusement.

I didn't even crack a smile. I didn't respond immediately, busying myself by finishing off the rest of my beer and grabbing another one. I twisted the top off before saying, "One-night stands."

I wasn't surprised when I didn't hear a reply. It wasn't a topic that either one of us mentioned often. We more or less danced around the subject altogether. "I just do I guess."

"Doesn't it sometimes make you feel…" I trailed off, my cheeks flushing with slight embarrassment.

"Make you feel what?" he murmured, his eyes narrowing curiously.

I sighed. "Empty."

Sirius stiffened beside me, turning his gaze away from me. "Maybe I will take that beer."

I handed him one.

He twisted the top off and threw it over the balcony. Taking a long swig before finally muttering, "I stopped feeling empty a long time ago, Remus."

"What do you mean?"

He glanced down at his beer, frowning. "It means it's a lot easier feeling nothing than it is feeling empty."

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"No."

I hesitated. "Your turn to elaborate."

He simply shrugged. "There's nothing to elaborate," he argued. "I just stopped feeling…well, anything a long time ago."

I stared at him, half in awe and half in confusion. "It's just that easy, hm?" I murmured, unconvinced.

"No," he argued immediately, slowly sipping his beer. "Easy definitely isn't the word. It takes a lot to block your own damn thoughts and feelings. But hell, I'd much rather do that than feel empty inside. Because feeling empty makes you feel lonely, vulnerable, exposed, miserable. Feeling empty makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning. Feeling empty makes you want to blow off your friends. Feeling empty makes you want to drink yourself into a stupor. Feeling empty makes it impossible to laugh. Feeling empty makes you hate yourself and everyone around you."

"But feeling nothing is okay?" I snorted, ignoring the fact that Sirius seemed to know exactly what was running through my own mind.

Sirius shrugged, barely stealing a glance over in my direction. "It's easier to fake happiness when you feel nothing."

"How can you feel nothing and happy at the same time?"

"You don't. Like I said, you fake it."

I frowned. Sirius was starting to scare me. All this time, I thought that Sirius had gotten over what had happened with Riley and moved on with his life. But maybe he hadn't gotten over it. Maybe he hadn't moved on. Maybe he was just pretending he had. "Are you happy, Sirius?"

I immediately notice the way he tensed up, busying himself with his beer. "Are you?" he retaliated.

By avoiding my question, he inevitably answered it. I offered him a look of skepticism without a response.

The question hung in the air, neither one of us able to ignore it. Silence fell over us. An awkward silence, filled with regret and anxiety.

Eventually, I turned towards Sirius and asked him a question I was curious to know the answer to. "Sirius, do you ever want to fall in love again?"

I thought he would have replied with a snort and a 'hell no,' so I was surprised to see that he paused, pursing his lips curiously. He eventually shrugged, sipping his beer hesitantly. "I guess if the right girl comes along, it's not out of the question."

Well, then he was a step ahead of me. Because the idea of dating again sounded unbearable. "How the hell are you going to find the right girl if you're so busy not feeling anything?" I pointed out with a slight smile.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh," he murmured. "That can wait. For now, I'm just looking for the right girl for right now. I'm not looking for anything long-term."

"But if you're just looking for the right girl for right now, how are you ever going to find out if she could be someone long-term?"

"I have no idea," he retaliated immediately. "I don't have all the answers."

"It doesn't seem like you really even have one answer," I pointed out, giving him a look. Truth was, I was trying to gauge my own potential future through Sirius. Maybe a part of me just wanted him to reassure me that there will come a day I'll wake up and won't immediately think of Jillian.

He didn't respond right away, his eyes drawn towards the gleaming stars in the sky. "Maybe that's a good thing," he said.

"What?"

"I don't want the answers. I don't want to know whatever it is my future holds."

I hesitated. "Because you're afraid of what it might hold?" I muttered. I put it in question form, but to me, it was fact. I agreed with Sirius. Maybe it was better to not have any of the answers. Because I sure as hell didn't want to know if I'd be living the rest of my life alone. That seemed like an awful long time to feel empty.

"I guess," he mumbled. He sighed, chugging the rest of his beer before throwing the bottle over the balcony. I made a face, knowing that James hated when Sirius did that. "You want the truth? I only said that thing about the right girl because I feel that's what I should say. I feel that's what everyone wants me to say. But the truth is, sometimes I wonder if I'd just be better on my own."

He was still a step ahead of me. Because I'd rather live my life with Jillian. I hadn't gotten to the point where I wanted to live my life alone. "You don't have to lie about that, Sirius," I pointed out with a shrug. "If anyone should understand the desire to never want to be with another girl again, it's me."

He met my gaze, neither of us saying anything. Finally, he spoke. "Love blows."

I nodded, turning away from him with a sigh as I reached for another beer to toss to Sirius. "No," I murmured hesitantly. "Heartbreak blows."

He twisted the top off his beer and raised it up. "I can drink to that."

So, that's what we did. When we finished off the six-pack, Sirius went downstairs to grab another six-pack and we finished that one off, too. We didn't speak again. We didn't have to. We stared out at the night sky and I tried hard to do what Sirius had seemed to master and just feel nothing. I tried not thinking about Jillian and I tried not thinking about the past or the future. I tried just living in the moment. For a while, it seemed to work. Until the sun rose and I was reminded that another day was on the horizon where I would unfortunately not be spending with the girl of my dreams.

Have I mentioned recently that getting hurt blows?

As we watched the sky turn a faint color of orange, I saw Sirius slowly climb out of his chair, ready to head back inside. He glanced over at me. "Remus," he said softly. It was the first words spoken after four hours of silence.

"Hm?"

"Don't sleep with random girls because it's what you think you should be doing," he said. "It's just going to make you feel emptier."

Before I could even grasp his words, he was gone and I was once again, alone.

A/N: Poor Remus...or is it really 'poor Remus' when he gets to sleep with a hot Auror? A lot of information in that chapter - James & Lance talk about Riley, Lily meets Sydny, Sirius & Remus have a serious conversation with James about the way he's been acting, and Keegan almost attacks James and Lily with a frying pan. I don't know why but Keegan is slowly becoming one of my favorite characters - mostly because her one-liners continue to make me laugh! I also find Sydny quiet amusing. I hope you enjoy their wittiness as much as I do!

Next chapter: There are ups (lots of them) and downs (one in particular) when James makes a big decision, the guys play poker, and Remus pays too much for drinks. Stay tuned! Mostly because the next chapter is one of my favorites!