A/N: Your feedback is so awesome, thank you so much! I'm totally copying another writer but it's a great idea so - I will do a oneshot request for the 100th reviewer (anything, provided it's SQ).
I'm burning with questions. Half an hour with Henry and I'm already heartbreakingly invested. I need to know everything. Exactly how his illness is manifesting, what he needs, how he's being treated, how I can help… But I can't say anything because I'm just her student or maybe just her friend but I really did just meet the kid and she didn't really want me to and God this is so weird for both of us and-
"We're here!"
Henry's excited scream pulls me out of my panic. So where exactly is here?
"I had to alter the plan a little. We were going to go hiking. But you can be a guest on our season ticket instead."
Disneyland. I gasp. I try to hide it.
"I'm sorry it's such a childish thing to do, you'll probably be bored-"
"Regina," I interrupt. "Coming here has been my dream. Since I was, like, THREE." I look around at Henry. "Kid, we're going to Disneyland!"
He laughs. "I've been before," he tells me. "But I can show you all the best things."
I look at Regina. "Isn't it expensive-"
"Season ticket," she reminds me. "It's all free. We even get a meal."
Henry is wriggling in his seat. "It's because I have cancer," he informs me. I quite like the way he says it so proudly. Also, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Regina's expression suggests she feels the same way.
We get out of the car and wrestle the wheelchair onto solid ground. Regina gives Henry a look and he rolls his eyes at her but gets in and does up the strap without help. Jet is tucked inside the strap too.
"Emma push me!" Henry demands. Regina clears her throat.
"Emma, please will you push my chair?" Henry asks me sweetly. I just want to hug him, he's so cute.
"Sure thing, little man," I tell him.
The chair's not heavy; I push it easily. Regina walks beside us, chatting with her son. She's so light when she's with him, there's hardly a trace of sadness. I don't know if I could do it. I know I couldn't do what she does, keeping a job to get her son the best healthcare available. I love her more and more- Wait, no, I mean, as a friend. I love her more and more as a FRIEND the more I get to know her.
We're still wearing our sunglasses; Regina flashes the season ticket and we're given coded wristbands.
"So was this, like, that Make a Wish thing?" I ask.
Regina shakes her head. "Henry has yet to use his wish, but Disneyland is considered pretty tame at CHLA, especially since all long term child patients have unlimited access anyway."
"I want to be a dragon," Henry tells me. "But the wish people can't do that."
"That sucks," I say. "But dragons have to live their lives in hiding. What about your Momma?"
"She'd be a dragon too," he tells me, as if this is the most obvious thing in the world.
"Ah, right. Of course."
"Do you want to be a dragon?"
We're approaching a ride now. I'm trying not to jump up and down with excitement. It's all so pretty.
"Like, with you and your Momma?"
"Yeah. Sometimes we're dragons already. When I get the meds that make me sick, it's actually breathing fire. 'Cause it burns in my throat."
"Genius," I mouth at Regina.
"I can roar like a dragon," Henry adds. He proceeds to demonstrate, scaring several nearby fairytale characters.
"Momma's is better though," he says, looking slyly at Regina. She sighs.
"The things I do for you, my dear," she teases. Then she gives the most dragon like roar I've ever heard. Children actually run from us.
I'm splitting my sides laughing.
"Your turn!" Henry instructs.
"Give me a minute," I wheeze. I get myself together, knowing I have a hard act to follow. Then I walk around the chair, look Henry right in the eyes, and give him my best roar.
It feels fucking amazing. I look up at Regina, who grins at me.
"It's fun, no?" she says.
"Who are you and what have you done with my mean college professor?" I ask, grinning back.
"Is Momma mean at work?" Henry asks, sounding rather horrified.
"Oh, yeah, she's horrible. When I first saw her in class I almost wet my pants."
Regina glares at me. I'm kind of relieved the glare is back. We jump the line to the ride. Something about the wheelchair. Everyone waiting must hate us, especially since Henry jumps right out of it and into his seat at the front of the roller coaster without any help. It's the biggest "kiddie" one.
There are three seats so we're in a row with Henry in the middle.
"I have to grow," he tells me. "I'm not tall enough for the best rides."
"This one is pretty awesome though," I say.
"I like the water one best, but Momma won't let me go on that first because she doesn't want to be wet all day."
"She has a point, don't you think?"
"It's hot. We'd dry."
I shrug. Both arguments are good. The ride starts, cranking us up to the top. I'm actually pretty scared - this is my first ever roller coaster. Henry looks at me, then at his mom.
"Momma, I think Emma's sick," he says. Regina looks over at me. I make the a-okay sign with my hand, keeping my mouth firmly closed. Regina laughs. Bitch.
And then the ride takes off and Henry's giggling with delight and Regina's grinning like she's flying and I feel like my stomach's still back in the car and we're whirling through the air and adrenaline pumps through my veins and it's such a rush it's like sex only infinitely less complicated and I'm with two perfect people in a perfect world soaring through the air and I grab Henry's hand instinctively and yell,
"LET'S BE DRAGONS!"
and he totally gets it and so does Regina and she takes his other hand and we all roar into the sunshine and I've never felt so free in my life.
"Wow," I say as we wobble off the ride a couple of minutes later. Henry walks beside the chair as I push it. He takes Regina's hand. I watch them, beaming. I can't believe that I get to be here too.
We go on countless rides, we meet Mickey and Minnie, and a ton of other Disney things. Regina likes the villains. Henry likes the dragons. I like everything. A street vendor passes and Regina buys Henry a sword. I realise too late that she's buying me one as well.
"Not to imply you are a child," she says, chuckling, "but he needs a sparring partner, don't you think?"
I grin and she's about to hand it to me when Henry stops her.
"You have to knight us first."
Regina laughs.
"Hey, wait," I say, running back to the vendor. I buy a plastic tiara, it's the best the guy has.
I put it on Regina's head, pretending not to notice the electric impulses I feel, pretending it's an accident when I brush her cheek with my thumb.
"Kneel," she commands us. We kneel on the sidewalk.
"I dub thee, Sir Henry, and thee, Sir Emma, as knights of my Queendom. Rise and accept your weapons."
She hands us the swords. Henry seems kind of tired, but determined to hide it. I wonder how to get him into the chair. I shove my sword into my belt loop.
"Your steed awaits, Sir Henry."
He looks at the chair. "I can walk," he says quietly. Regina kneels down to his level.
"I know you can, love, but you're tired and you want to have energy so you can stay at our house and we can have another adventure tomorrow."
Henry nods, smiling at the idea of staying at home. He gets into the chair, visibly sighing with relief. Regina strokes his hair and hands him a bottle of water from her purse.
The rest of the day is quieter. We get some food, then go watch the movie in the 3D theater. We leave in the late afternoon; Henry falls asleep in the car on the way back to Regina's. I wonder what to say. I feel tired and sticky, just like a kid. Regina focuses on the road. When we get back I help her take Henry inside. Sober this time, I notice the neatly put away but still apparent evidence that a child lives here sometimes. We get to his room, which contains several monitoring machines. Regina expertly connects them without even waking Henry. I just hover, watching, unsure what to do. I think I should leave, but somehow I can't bring myself to go.
Regina leads the way into the living room.
"I'm sorry, I should have dropped you at your dorm, but I wanted a chance to talk to you first," she says. We sit on her couch, facing each other, trying not to think about elephants.
"Thank you for bringing me," I blurt out too quickly. "I… I had a great time."
"Thank you for coming. And for accepting him. He can be… Difficult to cope with."
"I don't know what you mean," I say, smiling. "He's an awesome kid."
"He has years, at least," she says, answering the unanswered question. "Especially if we find a marrow donor. Right now I donate blood for him if he needs it, but I'm only a half match for his marrow. He's not at the transplant stage yet, but…" She trails off, stopping herself.
"I don't mind if you talk about it," I tell her. "I want to know. I mean, if you want to tell me. You should have someone to talk to."
"There's a parents group at the hospital," she tells me. "I should talk there. But I've only been once. I hated them, they were all so… So whiney. I don't want to whine. I want to enjoy my son."
"I… You guys are amazing," I say, knowing it sounds lame. I can't think of anything else.
"You're not so bad yourself, Miss Swan," she says, chuckling.
"What do you do for fun?" I ask her suddenly.
"What do you mean? I do things like today."
"But that's for Henry."
"All my free time is for Henry."
"He's sleeping right now. He's all good."
Regina sighs. "I know what you mean. But… Nothing. Until I met you," she blushes, "I never even invited anyone over. I don't know how to socialise. I was never very good at it, even before I had him. And now… How am I supposed to be a girlfriend, a friend even, when all my time is spent working or caring for my terminally ill child?"
Her voice breaks when she says terminally. I grip her hand.
"You are a friend. You're my friend. And kids get better. Lots of kids get better. He can, too."
"Too much hope does more harm than good."
"In the future, maybe. But right now, I want to be idiotically optimistic. Live in the moment. All that jazz."
"Am I… Do you really see me as your friend?"
I think she's flattered, so I give her a cheesy grin. "Yup. What? Am I not yours?"
Regina leans back into the couch. "I just… I haven't had a friend in an embarrassingly long time. And even when I did, I don't think we had the sort of friendship you and I have."
There it is. That suggestion. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to bring it up. She's so soft and quiet, so human, and so beautiful, beautiful inside… It makes me want to cry.
"Regina, I… I'm ashamed to have written that stupid essay when I knew so little about you. I wrote the truth but I wanted to piss you off, I wanted to challenge you but now… Now I just want to know you."
Regina looked at me, into me.
"Emma… Emma, we can't."
"Why?" I whisper.
"Because I am your teacher."
"So what?"
"So, it is… frowned upon."
I lean into her couch. "Tell me you don't want to and I'll stop asking. I'll write you an essay, about something appropriate, and you never have to worry about me again. But just so you know, that would be the coward's way out."
"You think I am a coward?" She's getting mad now. I'm almost pleased.
"You're afraid to be happy. How much more cowardly can you get?"
She grits her teeth. "I am not afraid to be happy. I am simply a little busy with-"
"Henry, yeah. I get it. I do. But you know what? I reckon the kid wants you to be happy too. After today, I want you both to be happy. I want to see you both, all the time. I can't imagine what you must have gone through, what you must go through every day, but today, for the first time, I felt like I was a part of something, a part of something good, and if you're too scared to follow that where it leads then yeah, Regina, I think you're a coward."
I say most of my speech to the window opposite us, shaking with nerves, with anger, with fear that she'll (rightly) kick me out of her house and never see me again.
"You are rude. You have been constantly rude. You cross lines, you make me uncomfortable," she stands from the couch, "and you seem to have absolutely no regard for any feelings that contradict your own. You are loud, you say inappropriate things, you tempt me and tease me even though you know it could cost me my job, you flaunt yourself, your beautiful self, in front of me and God knows you must know what you do to me. You sit there criticising me when you could have everything. Yes, Emma Swan. EVERYTHING. You are smart and funny and gorgeous and you have a place at UCLA and I am so, so sorry for the ways that you have suffered but you do not have to suffer any more. You tell me I am afraid to be happy and then you come after ME. Me, a woman almost ten years older than you, a woman with a very sick child, a woman who is battered and broken in ways you cannot even imagine and you sit there in front of me telling me you want me and I… I cannot believe that you believe that I could possibly make you happy.
"Furthermore, you are horrifically inconsiderate. Because you are here, you are still here, and Emma, you were wonderful today. Henry was happier, I was happier, it was as if a weight had been lifted and I try, I always try with him but today I didn't even have to try because you were there and it was like a dream, a dream that someone as wonderful as you would want to spend a day with me."
She pauses for breath. She's so passionate, her shoulders rise and fall with unsteady breathing and I stand and I look at her, right in the eyes, and say,
"I want a lot more than a day."
She stares back. I think when I stood up she'd expected me to leave. And now we're just standing here, frozen in an impossible situation with nothing and everything to say. We've both run out of words. We've both run out of patience. It has been a very long semester.
"I am many things," Regina says, so quietly she's barely speaking. "But I am not a coward."
And then her lips are an inch away from mine and I don't even think about it, I just slam my mouth into hers and use my lips and tongue and teeth in a desperate attempt to tell her everything I never managed to say. Her hands slip around my waist and she holds me close and I close my eyes tight shut and try to stop the world, right there in her arms, because I know, I just know, that I am never going to be happier than in this moment.