xviii.

I stared at the book in my hands, my eyes skimming over the page over and over, though I wasn't actually able to ingest the information. My mind was elsewhere. Where it was, I wasn't sure, but I couldn't focus on the pages in hand. I wanted to scream.

I stood from the bed abruptly and walked over to where Marko was with his pigeons. He gave me an easy smile, and I returned it before grabbing the joint sticking out from his pocket. He just raised an eyebrow and continued petting the bird's coat.

I walked back over to the couch and sat down, grabbing a lighter from the pocket of my jacket. I lit the joint easily and sat back as I took a few drags. It was quiet in the cave, an unusual occurrence, really. Normally, the boys were jumping around and yelling or dancing, but everyone was out except Marko and me. I didn't want to leave, and Marko didn't want to leave me alone, so we were stuck in this situation.

I took another drag of the blunt and relaxed farther into the chair, a small smile on my lips. Music played in the background, but I didn't care to figure out what it was. I could tell it was rock of some sort, an album Marko had picked out, but that was all I knew.

I swung my legs up so I was laid with my legs on the top of the couch and my back on the seat. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself from whatever I was feeling. The weed was helping, but it wasn't enough. I needed a distraction before I exploded in screams. "Hey, Marko," I mumbled quietly, knowing he could hear me. "Can you please come over and kiss me."

I recognized the sound of a pigeon flying away and his boots hitting the cave floor before he was standing in front of me. He crouched in front of me and offered another small smile before placing his lips on mine. It was strange as I was upside down, but it did the trick.

I focused on the way his lips moved against mine, fitting like a puzzle piece it seemed. It was something I figured I might never get used to. I never felt sparks or fireworks. I just felt like I was finally home.

Through my small lifetime, I had come to realize that home was never a place, it was a person or a group of people. It was the feeling they gave you like you've never felt safer. Home is someone you can tell everything. Home is someone who you could pick out of a crowd easily because you'd never lose them. Home to me was the four boys I had grown attached to, and I wasn't sure what I would do if I lost my home.

Marko pulled away and gave me a questioning look. He helped me sit up properly before asking me the question he had been wondering. "What's going on inside that pretty little head of yours?"

I sighed and took another drag of my blunt before responding. "I am in love with the four of you."

It was a simple sentence. It was only nine small words strung together to form a declaration of sorts, but it made my shoulders feel lighter like someone had pulled a ton of bricks off them. I could breathe properly, it seemed, and it was such a simple sentence, but the way Marko's eyes lit up, I knew it was so much more.

Sure, I had told them 'I love you' over the course of our relationship but loving someone and being in love with someone was something completely different. Loving someone was an attachment. It was the way you appreciated your friends or family. You knew you would be hurt deeply if something happened to them, but it was something you could get over. When you're in love with something, it was like the only thing that mattered was that. It was like your life was intertwined with theirs, and you couldn't live without them. Love was something that faded over time, but falling into it, it was something that never left you, no matter what. Being in love with someone was beautiful yet retched and evil at the same time. Being in love with someone was something irreversible and complete, and I was in love with these four boys.

I continued speaking without realizing it. "And I know the other three aren't here to hear that, but I needed to say it. It wasn't even intentional, but I think over the course of these few months, I've come realize that I don't think I would be living if it weren't for you boys, and I don't think I could thank you enough for walking into my shop that night and taking me with you because there's something so beautiful about this life that I can't explain, and I wouldn't give it up for the world. I know my mind is full of doubt, stupid seeds planted by Marigold, but when I'm around you boys, you make me feel loved and protected, and you make me want to live. My life was nothing until you walked in."

Marko blinked a few times. "I think I speak for the other boys as well when I say that we feel the exact same about you. Life was fun, and it was normal – well, as normal as it can be for a vampire – but something was always missing. It was you, we know now. We were missing you. We've all had each other for a while, and we've messed around with each other a few times as well with other people we've dragged home and then killed, but there was always that little something in the back of our heads. I could tell David was about to snap, and Dwayne wasn't far behind when I saw you in that shop. I guess I kind of freaked you out in the beginning, but looking at you, I was starstruck. You were everything we've ever wanted – needed – and you had been right there, and I was so angry when Marigold kissed you that I left. It took a lot of courage for me to actually walk in. Paul could've done it, but I wanted to, and when you first talked to me, I was so blown away by the fact that you weren't scared of us like all the others. I mean, you were hesitant, but most people don't even let us near their shops." Marko chuckled a bit, and he grabbed my hands after I dropped what was left of my blunt. "I couldn't help myself from kissing you, and it must have been so strange for you, but we had been waiting for so long just to have you. I think you've saved us more than you realize. We're all completely in love with you, Evangeline Winters."

I gave him a shaky grin, tears in my eyes. I jumped forward again, kissing him as passionately as I could, letting my emotions fall into everything. Tears ran down my face steadily, but I ignored them as I got as close to Marko as I could, pressing my entire body against his. He returned my actions the same amount, kissing me slowly yet feverishly. My hands were shaky as I placed them on his chest, but his were sure as they held my face softly, pushing away tears as his lips spoke words that his voice couldn't.

I was aware of the passing of time, and after a full song had passed, we pulled away completely, and I leaned my head on his neck, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "Thank you," I whispered against him, and he responded with a simple nod. He pulled me down so we could say on the small couch together. My back was to the couch, my face pressed against his chest. His back was to the world, and it made me realize how much he would protect me in any circumstance.

We laid like that for an hour, perfectly silent. His hands would move through my hair, twisting it together and pulling it apart, braiding it only to put it back to normal. I was content with tracing one of my hands along his side, memorizing every dip and curve of what I could reach. He released what sounded and felt like purring, and it was oddly calming. I found myself drifting off until I heard Rain barking loudly. I groaned and watched as the boys dropped into the cave with Star and Laddie right behind.

Dwayne made his way over to us first and placed a kiss against my lips. Then, Paul hopped over to us with a bright grin. He told me about how Laddie had helped him pick out a new stereo. He kissed my cheek. David was last. He kissed my lips for a bit longer than the others, almost savoring it. I watched as they dispersed around the cave. Star sent me a small smile, and I lifted myself from the couch much to Marko's disappointment. He let out a small whine, and I bent down to kiss his cheek as I stood. He smiled at that and watched me walk over to Star who immediately hugged me.

"Hey, Star," I mumbled. She responded with a greeting and let out a quiet sigh. "What's wrong?" Something seemed to always be wrong with the girl, but I was here to listen.

"Can we talk somewhere else?"

I nodded and pulled her up the stairs to where we talked the first night. She fell to the ground with her legs crossed. She let out a sigh and watched me sit beside her. "You're one of them, aren't you? You're a vampire?"

I shook my head and pursed my lips. "No, I drank the blood the same night you did. I'm not a full one."

She nodded and stared at the lighthouse, her eyes watering. "I'm sorry I always come to you with my problems. You just always seem to have an answer, or you're really good at cheering me up."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've just always been a listener. I'm here whenever you need me."

She nodded again, and I watched as she placed her face in her hands, her elbows on her knees. "I don't want to be a vampire, Evangeline. I want to be with you, but I don't want to kill people. I don't want to do that. I don't like hurting people, and I can't even think about ending someone's life just so I can live." Tears gathered in her eyes. "And what about Laddie? What am I going to do with him?"

"We can watch him."

"And then what? He turns into one too? I don't want him to be like that. I just moved away from a murderer, and now I have to become one? Mom always did say I would turn out like dad." I raised an eyebrow, but she answered my question before it even left my lips. "He was in a gang, Evangeline. He killed people for money and drugs. That's why the divorce was so bad. The entire city was now against us. He didn't care for his kids, and everyone hated my mom, so we had to get out of there before we got killed."

"Jesus. Your life is pretty fucked up, Star," I stated simply. She laughed a harsh laugh and nodded. "But maybe that's why you found us," I stated simply. "I guess my life was better than you guys', but we all found each other because we're lost. We all needed a family, and we brought you in. Sure, we didn't really specify what joining meant, but how bad can it be? You get four protective brothers and a sister to talk to whenever. Take as long as you need to become a full, but someday, it's going to happen. Just accept it, and enjoy it. Enjoy having an actual family. You deserve it."

Star laughed another harsh laugh and shook her head. "I'm going to find a way out of becoming a vampire, Evangeline. This may be what you want, but I can't even stomach the thought."

I shrugged my shoulders. "There's not a way out of it, Star. Just think about it. A small price to pay for a nice reward. Plus, now you can protect Laddie fully. No one can hurt you anymore." Star sniffed and stared at the water, and I looked at the sky as it began to get lighter. "Come on, let's get to bed."

Star nodded, and I led her down the stairs. She was a few steps behind, and she immediately walked to her bed when she stepped inside. Laddie was already laid down and half asleep, clutching a teddy bear to his chest. I smiled at the image, and Star settled herself, curling around him.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me from behind, and I turned to see Paul smiling at me. I smiled back and kissed him quickly before turning as I felt David grab my chin, his gloved hand rubbing against my skin. I hummed as he kissed me softly, barely there, before pressing harder. I sighed as he pulled away and gave him a soft smile. He grinned back and pulled me to him, leading me to the bedroom.

We stumbled into the dark room quickly, and I sat down on the bed, watching the boys undress slowly, stripping to their boxers. I smiled a bit, enjoying the view. Marko was the first one to notice me staring, and he chuckled a bit as he pulled his crop top over his head, placing it in his pile of clothes. "Need help undressing or something, Angel?"

I grinned and leaned back on the bed, propped up on my elbows. "Well, if you're offering," I trailed off.

His face turned to a devilish grin, and he walked forward. He leaned forward and easily hooked his fingers at the bottom of my shirt. He dragged it off of me slowly, and the action of taking off clothes had never seemed more sensual than right then.

I leaned forward once my shirt was gone and kissed him softly. He grinned into it, and his finger fumbled with the buttons of my jeans. He pulled them down slowly and pulled away from the kiss so he could drag them completely down my legs. He tossed them somewhere in the room before pulling his lips to mine again, letting out a soft growl as I tugged at his hair. I giggled and pulled away. I pushed myself backward and dropped myself in the middle of the bed. The boys fell around me, and I grinned as Dwayne drew patterns in the skin of my stomach.

"I love you guys," I stated simply.

"I love you, too," they each mumbled in response.