Chapter 16: A Romantic Night?
Georg started up the car and turned onto the road leading from the Addington estate and headed towards the Whitehead manor. His head pounded with a throbbing headache. It had been a long and exhausting day and he was glad to see the end of it. Normally business meetings in town were a good excuse to escape from the manor and the constant reminders of his late wife, but not today. Unfortunately he'd met with an old family friend of the Whitehead's who'd spent the entire day reminiscing about Agathe. It seemed even during business meetings he couldn't escape from his late wife's memory. Then to make matters worse, he bumped into Camilla in town as he returned to the car and felt obliged to offer her a lift back to the Addington estate. Almost the entire car journey back was a battle with her and her wandering hand that somehow kept accidently finding its way to be caressing his leg. There seemed no end to Camilla's flirting and he was growing very weary of her constant advances despite his numerous protests.
Georg rubbed his eyes as he drove down the country road. The last month had gone by like a whirlwind and he was so exhausted he could barely see straight. He had hoped after the initial blow of being back at the Whitehead manor and sleeping in Agathe's old room had passed that he could find a way to block out and escape all the memories. And for a few days he did and was coping all right. But then bit-by-bit, Georg began to notice things. Agathe's favourite flowers being placed in vases around their suite, or Agathe's favourite dishes being served for dinner, and even her favourite music played on the gramophone while they dined. At first he thought it was a coincidence or he was being paranoid, but as these things continued over the days and weeks, Georg felt more and more unsettled.
Then the dreams came. At first he'd have nice, sweet dreams where he'd relive some of his happiest memories from his time with Agathe. But not long after that, Georg started having nightmares. Dark, harrowing dreams of him searching for Agathe and not finding her, and then only to wake up in a panic, his body shaking and drenched in sweat. He'd turn over to see Maria fast asleep next to him; blissfully unaware of the emotional torment he was going through. Unable to get back to sleep, he'd get up and brood, feeling guilty for not telling her everything that he was going through and shutting her out.
And even the few times Maria would wake in the middle of the night and find him out in their sitting room, he couldn't bring himself to talk to her. He didn't know why. Maybe he thought she wouldn't understand, or maybe he thought telling her the truth would hurt her, or perhaps he wondered if she'd reject him if he told her how he was feeling. But because he'd gone for so long without talking to her, with every new day, it became harder and harder to approach her. Georg knew he had withdrawn himself from her, but it was like he was trapped in a downward spiral of anguish that he didn't know how to bring himself out of.
With all these thoughts swimming around his head, Georg drove the car through the gates of the manor and up to the house. He parked the car before Lloyd opened the front door for him.
"Welcome back, Captain," the butler greeted him.
"Thank you Lloyd," Georg replied before he glanced around the dead quite hallway. "It's quiet. Very quiet. Where are the children?"
"His Lord and Ladyship have taken the children out to see a pantomime tonight," Lloyd explained as he took Georg's overcoat and hat.
"Ah, I see," Georg nodded, slightly surprised he hadn't know about the outing earlier. "And my wife? Did she go with them?"
"No sir," Lloyd replied. "I believe the baroness has retired to your suite for the evening." Georg thanked the butler before heading straight upstairs.
Georg opened the door to the suite to find the small sitting room empty. "Maria?" he called out into the room as he closed the door behind him.
Georg heard a faint rustle of noise coming from the bedroom before Maria appeared at the doorway, a figure hugging silk robe wrapped around her body and she holding a small hand towel in one hand. Her feet were bare and her hair was wet. It was obvious she'd just gotten out of the shower. As soon as she saw him, a wide beaming smile broke out on her face. It made her whole face light up and Georg was dumbstruck for a moment as he gazed at his wife's natural beauty. Recently it seemed every time they were alone, there was an uncomfortable tension between them since it was so hard to talk to her, and they'd even argued several times. But at seeing her looking so natural, relaxed and happy to see him, Georg tried to banish all thoughts and memories of Agathe from his mind and focus on being with Maria.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be back so soon. Give me a moment to finish drying my hair?" she asked. He nodded as she disappeared back into the bedroom.
Georg took off his suit jacket while he waited for Maria to return. He looked around the room. On the table were several dishes covered with large silver cloches, a bottle of wine and a candelabrum lit with at least a dozen candles. "What's all this?" he called out to Maria in the other room as he lifted one of the silver cloches to see what was underneath. "Are we eating in here tonight?"
"Yes," she replied as she entered the sitting room. "The children have been taken out to dinner and a show by their grandparents so it's just us here tonight. I thought it was silly to have the staff set up that large dining room just for the two of us." Maria paused to see his reaction. She quickly kissed him on the cheek. "I hope you don't mind," she asked almost shyly.
"Not at all," Georg replied with a smile. "It looks delightful. Shall I open the wine?" Maria nodded as she sat down at the table. "I must say I was surprised to learn the children were out tonight," Georg continued. "I had no idea about the pantomime until Lloyd mentioned it just now."
"Well, neither did I," Maria confessed. "Although these days when it comes to the children, I always seem to be the last to know everything." Georg stopped pouring the wine at hearing the bitterness in her voice and put the bottle down. "Maria, you know we've talked about this…" he began seriously, not particularly wanting to enter another fight about the nanny.
"I know, I know!" Maria threw her hands in the air in defeat. Sighing in exasperation, she leant back in her chair, placed her hands on her head and stared at the ceiling in frustration. "I'm sorry, it's just I still don't like the idea of a nanny looking after the children. I mean I barely see them now."
Georg took her hands and waited until Maria looked back and met his gaze. "Maria," he began gently, "remember it's just the way things are done around here…"
Maria shook her head sadly. "And the children don't even like her. Both Kurt and Louisa were even talking about putting spiders in Nanny Jones's bed." Maria paused as she saw Georg's eyebrows raise in question. "Oh don't worry, I put a stop to it. I told them: no nasty tricks."
"So no pinecones on seats then?" Georg asked with a smirk. Maria laughed seeing the funny side of it. "You know that was my favourite trick the children played on you," Georg told her with a chuckle as he began to pour the wine again. They fell into easy conversation about the children as they served the food onto their plates. But after the few minutes talking about them, there was an awkward pause in the conversation, both unsure about what to talk about next. They ate in silence for the next few moments, a slight sense of tension in the air being felt between them.
Finally Maria spoke up. "So how was your day? You had more meetings?" she asked tentatively trying to stimulate a bit of discussion.
"Yes, but they were long, tiring and tedious. I'm sure you don't want to hear about all of that do you?"
"I'm happy to hear anything you wish to tell me," Maria told him seriously. Even though her remark was directed towards the meetings he'd had that day, she'd hoped that her comment might prompt Georg to open up a bit more to her about what was troubling him.
Georg sighed as he began telling her about his meetings. Over the past few weeks since he'd been investigating how he should be moving his investments around, but he hadn't had a chance to sit down with Maria to tell her the developments he'd made. He described the countless business associates he'd been introduced to by Lord Addington, and about his concerns about various investments with the impending war in mainland Europe. As they finished their meal, Maria reflected for a brief moment that it was the most relaxed she'd seen Georg in weeks. He'd removed his tie and cufflinks and unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt as well as rolled up his shirtsleeves. And even though they were only talking about his business plans, Maria was pleased at least he was telling her something. Despite a few moments of slight tension between the two of them, their night so far reminded Maria of their time together in Paris and she thought it was time to move things along in their romantic night together.
As Georg poured them another glass of wine as they finished their meal, Maria stood and indicated they should move to sit more comfortably on the sofa.
"Well, it sounds as though you're making progress," Maria stated as they sat down.
"Hmm, possibly. Although the whole day today was exhausting and gave me a splitting headache." He rubbed the corner of one eye and groaned softly as he joined her on the sofa.
"I'm sorry." She ran one hand through his hair, stroking his sore head tenderly. "If you had such a headache, why didn't you come back earlier to rest?" she murmured as she pressed her lips gently against his forehead.
"I wanted to, that is until I ran into Camilla in town."
Maria stiffened and dropped her hand. "Camilla?" She shifted several inches away from Georg and let out a huff. "What did she want?"
"Only a lift back to her estate," Georg began to explain, but seeing the look on Maria's face he stopped. Georg cringed inwardly and mentally kicked himself for bringing up Camilla's name. "Maria, I know how you feel about her, but she would have had to wait hours for her driver to come and fetch her, and I was right there. I felt obliged to offer her a lift."
"I see," Maria replied stiffly, biting down on her lip and not meeting his gaze.
Georg knew the last thing he should be telling Maria was about Camilla's continued unwanted advances in the car – it would only make her more upset. Instead he went into damage control mode, bending the truth somewhat. "Honestly Maria, the trip back was entirely uneventful. Camilla can be, and is the most incredible flirt, I know that, but you have to trust me."
"I do trust you," Maria replied, finally looking up. "I just don't trust her!" There was a moment of awkward silent before Maria continued. "Georg, I really feel like I need to say something to her."
"Maria please don't, it'll only make things worse. Just let me handle it…"
"But…"
Georg really didn't want to get into another fight with Maria over Camilla so he thought it was best to change the subject quickly. Georg picked up one of her hands and kissed it. "Please? I understand darling. But let's not talk about her, not tonight." Maria nodded in resignation. She had hoped their night together would be romantic and didn't want to ruin it by arguing over Camilla.
"Now, you haven't told me much about your day," Georg prompted the change of subject. Maria shrugged at first, not quite sure what to tell him until she remembered the letter she'd received from the Reverend Mother that afternoon. She retrieved it from the bureau drawer and showed it to Georg. After reading it he passed it back to her. "You must be pleased to have heard from her," Georg commented as Maria returned the letter back to its place in the bureau. "Are you going to write back to her?"
"I already have and Lloyd posted it just before the children left for dinner."
Georg chuckled. "That's very efficient of you."
"Well I had nothing else to do since Nanny Jones took the children for the rest of the afternoon." Georg sighed at hearing the resentment in Maria's voice at mention of the nanny again. He knew how hard Maria was finding the fact that Nanny Jones was caring for the children instead of her. And with him away each day attending business meetings, he understood she was lonely. He wanted to make things better for her, even if he couldn't be there during the day to support her himself. Suddenly an idea came to him.
"Maria, do you think that you'd like to get the children to perform some sort of concert for their grandparents? I know at least James has expressed an interest in hearing the children sing, especially after learning how we performed at the Salzburg Folk Festival. And it'll give you an excuse to spend more time with the children without Nanny Jones around."
All at once Maria's face brightened at the prospect. "Oh that sounds wonderful!" But then the smile on her face fell. "But do you think Lady Whitehead would approve?"
"Don't worry about her. I'll speak to Elizabeth in the morning and arrange everything." A wave of relief washed over Maria. His gesture touched her. Despite a few strained moments between them that evening, Maria felt like she was connecting with Georg more than she had done over the past few weeks. It filled her with hope. She sank down into Georg's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she whispered as she kissed him lightly on his lips.
As she pulled back, Georg could see the fire of desire burning in her eyes as she leant in to kiss him again. His heart began to thump in his chest as he realised what her intentions were, especially when he felt her fingers working on undoing the buttons of his shirt. As much as he was enjoying spending time with her, the idea of making love to Maria panicked him when thoughts of Agathe still plagued him, both in his dreams and while he was awake.
He started to pull away. "Maria…" he began before she stopped him by placing one finger over his lips. "Don't," she whispered, her voice quivering. "Please don't tell me you're tired, because I can't hear that excuse anymore. Georg, something terrible is happening between us that I don't understand, we're growing apart and it scares me. I don't want to lose you. Please, tonight was supposed to be romantic, a time just for the two of us. It's been so long since we were together, and I-I need you…"
A single tear ran down her cheek. Her heartfelt plea pierced Georg to his soul. He'd been foolish to think that it was only him that was suffering since they'd been at the manor, and he felt wretched knowing how much Maria was hurting as well. He knew this time he couldn't deny her. Georg closed his eyes and swallowed hard as he tried to wipe all thoughts of Agathe from his mind. Tonight was about Maria.
Slowly he took her face in his hands and kissed her lips softly. Maria let out a small whimper as he ran feather-light kisses over her face, kissing away the several more tears that had formed on her cheeks. Then as his lips tenderly met hers once again, he tried to hold back his desire. But as she responded to his kisses and began to remove his shirt, it was like something snapped in his brain and all the emotion that he'd been trying to keep at bay the past weeks flooded out. A pent up desire was suddenly unleashed and he kissed her deeply and hungrily. He pulled back from her for a brief moment to catch his breath before he stood, lifting her up in his arms as easily as if she was as light as a rag doll, then he carried her off to the bedroom.
XxXxXxXx
Several hours later, Maria lay wide-awake. She knew she should've felt happy and elated that finally she and Georg had made love. But she didn't. She didn't know what to feel, except confusion and hurt.
There was something not right, something different about Georg that night. He'd kissed her and caressed her body like he'd done many times before, but it seemed mechanical; almost like he was just going through the motions, rather than wanting her and desiring her. And although he hadn't hurt her physically, there was a certain fierceness to the way he'd touched her. Also when she looked into his eyes, they were dark and vacant, almost like she wasn't even there. When she thought about it more, it felt like it was a complete stranger making love to her, not her husband who was normally loving, cherishing and affectionate. Honestly, the whole experience had just been… awful.
Then to make matters worse, afterwards, rather than how they'd usually snuggle together and talk in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Georg merely kissed her cheek, rolled over and went straight off to sleep. Maria didn't understand what had happened. She'd felt rejected, and it hurt a lot.
Then as she lay in bed wide-awake listening to Georg snoring next to her, there was something else that was going round and around in her mind that was upsetting her the most. He'd said something while they were making love. She hadn't heard him clearly but it was definitely a name and she knew it wasn't her name. Who did he want? And who was he thinking about? Maria wondered. And with that, she started to cry.
XxXxXxXx
The darkness swirled around him and he was searching for her. Again and again he'd thought he'd found her only for her to disappear once again. But then she was in his arms… his wife! He kissed and caressed her, wanting and desiring her. Finally they were together again after so much time apart. He relished in her body, feelings of love and passion pulsing through his veins. And as they made love, he cried out her name: "Agathe!" But as he looked down at the woman beneath him, he saw to his surprise, it was not Agathe in his arms but Maria….
Georg sat bolt upright. Sweat poured off his body, his heart raced wildly, and his breathing was heavy. He ran one hand over his face as he tried to compose himself after the vicious nightmare he'd just had. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to block out the images from the dream. He'd had many nightmares about Agathe before, but none this vivid. It had seemed so real. His head pounded madly. He felt disorientated and for a moment he wondered how on earth he'd even gotten to bed.
Then he remembered. Maria.
Different images flew through his mind of firstly their romantic night together then how he'd carried her off to the bedroom. Everything after that seemed a blur. But then visions of making love to Maria flashed through his mind intermingled with images from the nightmare he'd just had.
Then it hit him. Agathe… the dream… Maria…
Georg groaned loudly and he felt like he was going to be sick. The dream was real! Only in actual fact it wasn't a dream at all… not in the real sense of a sleeping dream; it had really happened. Somehow when he was with Maria, the more he tried not the think of Agathe, the more thoughts of her slipped into his mind. All those thoughts became a fantasy that completely overtook his senses so much so that he became lost in them, completely dazed and not really knowing what he was doing. And now he was utterly horrified to discover that while making love to Maria and he'd called out for his late wife, rather than Maria.
Georg buried his head in his hands in despair. Did Maria know? Had she heard him? Georg hoped to God that she hadn't. He lifted his head just enough to glance over to her side of the bed. It was empty. She was gone.
Georg quickly got out of bed, found his robe and wrapped it around himself as he went in search of Maria. He didn't have to look very far. She was standing at the double French doors looking out on the early morning. The weather was as wretched as he felt. It was grey, gloomy and raining.
He called out her name softly. "Maria?" She didn't turn around. Slowly he walked up to her and placed one hand on her shoulder. She flinched at his touch. "Maria?" he asked again. He moved around in front of her. Her eyes were red and swollen; she'd been crying.
She immediately brushed his hand off her shoulder. "Don't touch me," she said hotly.
"Wha...?" Georg began.
"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!" she snapped back, her eyes blazing with anger. "You said something last night." Georg looked at her blankly hoping that he'd been wrong about what he'd said, and what she'd heard. "A name. You said a name. And I know it wasn't mine!" Georg's heart sank. She knew.
A lump formed in his throat and he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He swallowed hard and tried again. "Maria… I-I'm so sorry…" he somehow managed to stammer. Maria pulled away from him and Georg could see her body starting to tremble as she tried to hold back the tears.
"Maria please let me explain…" Georg knew it was time to tell Maria everything about his emotional struggles with the memories of Agathe. He'd hurt her, and it was time to try and make amends for his mistakes, if he could. He hoped Maria would understand and forgive him. He reached out and touched her arm tentatively.
Immediately she snatched her arm away from his grasp. "Georg, what could you possibly say that would make any of this better?" Maria hissed angrily, her voice barely above a whisper.
Georg opened his mouth to reply when a sharp knock came at the door to the suite. Without waiting for anyone to answer, the door opened and a maid entered the room. It was Hannah, the lady's maid Lady Whitehead had arranged for Maria, despite Maria's protests. But upon seeing Maria and Georg standing at the French doors, Hannah stopped.
"I'm sorry Baroness, Captain. I didn't mean to disturb you."
Maria wiped her eyes and, deliberately not looking at Georg at all, spoke to her maid. "That's quite alright Hannah," Maria replied somewhat brightly. "But I'm afraid I'm not dressed yet. Could you return in about ten minutes time to do my hair?"
"Certainly, but do you need me to help you dress as well, m'lady?" Hannah asked.
"No, thank you. Remember, I can dress myself," Maria let out a laugh.
"Of course." Hannah turned to Georg. "Sir, Lord Addington has arrived already. He's waiting downstairs for you with his Lordship."
Georg nodded in acknowledgement and Hannah left the suite. The smile on Maria's face faded to be replaced by a scowl. Glaring at Georg, she went to walk past him to go to have her shower when he called out to her. "Maria, we need to talk."
She froze. "I'm not sure I want to talk," she stated abruptly.
"But you must. We must. It's important." Georg approached her and took her hands. He looked her straight in the eye. "Please give me a chance to explain. There are things I should have told you long before now, things I've been feeling… and these feelings I can't control…"
Seeing the pained look on his face, Maria knew the least she could do was listen to him. He was her husband, she owed him that much. Maria bit down on her lip, willing herself not to cry again. She nodded. "Alright. But Hannah's about to return…" Maria glanced towards the closed door to the suite.
"I know this is poor timing. Lord Addington and James are waiting for me too," Georg sighed. "Tonight? Can we talk then?"
Maria nodded weakly then went into the bathroom. She leant up against the closed door and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't know what Georg was going to tell her, but she could sense it was going to be bad.
A/N: I'm sorry to say there's a rough road ahead for our couple, but please stick with this story because I'll make it all worthwhile in the end – just please trust me…
So once again, I've been completely blown away by the response to this story. Thank you for all the reviews, especially from the guest reviewers who I haven't been able to thank personally. Thank you everyone who has offered ideas about what should happen later in this story. A lot of these ideas have been taken into consideration and some may appear in later chapters, so watch out for them!
Please keep those reviews coming! They are such a big encouragement to me. Thanks!