~ ROSE ~

I "woke up" from one of my strange daydreams again. It was so odd, like I was being transported to another place, looking through someone else's eyes.

Today, I appeared to be at a funeral. People were crying all around me and I felt an overwhelming feeling of loss. A dark haired boy with blue eyes attempted to comfort me, despite his own apparent sorrow. A sandy-blond boy on my other side looked so consumed with guilt, it looked as if he was drowning. Beyond him, a small girl with almost doll like features seemed conflicted between guilt, sadness, and a strange determination to comfort the others, while a slightly older guy looked halfway crazed as he absentmindedly reached for something in his pocket over and over. I turned to see a red haired woman of about 40 sitting a few pews away who was doing her best to silence her sobbing and hide her tears but was failing pretty miserably. An older women wrapped an arm around her and shed tears of her own.

Finally, I turned to look towards the back of the room and a tall man with shoulder-length dark hair caught my interest. I had seen him and the others a few times in these day dreams, but there was something about him that was different. I never felt it during the daydream itself, but when I returned to reality, I always felt an odd longing to see him again. Today, he was standing alone against the back wall, slightly apart from anyone else even in the filled chapel. He wasn't openly mourning – no tears or anything that would convey his emotions – but there was a hollowness in his eyes that suggested that he was worse off than he seemed. It was almost a haunted look. I couldn't bear looking at him for long, and turned back towards the front before the image faded and I returned back to the present moment.

Like usual, I simply shook my head to clear my mind of the odd thoughts and went back to my normal activities. The doctors said that these moments were just a part of my dissociative amnesia. They could be anything from memories trying to make their way back to me, to a simple side effect of my injury that meant absolutely nothing. They could even be just an overactive imagination. While somewhat annoying, I was learning to live with the strange occurrences. They were becoming less and less frequent, but they were still unpredictable when they came. The worst part was slowly coming to accept that I might never remember anything from before my accident.

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before I heard Marie honk her car horn. Not only had she graciously taken me in after I was released from the hospital, she had also hooked me up with a job interview at the place she worked. That's where I would be heading now. I really needed the money. I owed Marie quite a bit. She had been covering the cost of food and had even gathered some second hand clothing for me from her friends that were about my size. I was more than ready to pay her back for her gratitude and start pulling my own weight.

My hair was down, loosely covering my shoulders with dark curls. A vague voice sounded in my ear, "wear it up," but I shook the ridiculous thought away before grabbing my bag and running outside. Jumping into the passenger side of the small blue Honda, I tossed a nervous grin towards Marie as she started pulling out of the drive way.

She was already dressed in her black polo, ready for her shift at the same bar I was applying at. Marie was a waitress and I was hoping to be one as well by the end of the day. Marie worked on the bar side of the restaurant where "the tips got better the drunker the patrons are," or so she said. Unfortunately, as a newbie, I wouldn't be starting on the bar side of things. I would eventually work my way over to the bar, hopefully within a few months. Even though I couldn't drink it, it was totally legal for me to serve alcohol at 18 years old in Spokane, Washington. Well, at least I was estimated to be 18. The doctors said I could be anything from 17 to 19, but since being seventeen would make me a minor and I would require quite a bit more paperwork, I chose to be 18.

For the third time that day, I was reminded about how odd this whole situation was. I still wasn't used to my circumstances, even though I couldn't remember anything else from my previous life. Not only had I gotten to choose my birth date but I also got to choose my full legal name and almost every other identifying information. My official name was now Ivy Marie Jones. Since I had already started calling myself Ivy, it didn't make sense to change it, Marie was a simple thank you to my only friend, and Jones was just one of the most generic names I could think of. There was enough strangeness in my life, maybe having a boring last name would counterbalance my weird fate. I had basically chosen a new identity. The paperwork was immense, but the social worker who had taken on my odd case had advocated for me and was helping me get everything in order fairly quickly. I was even working towards my GED. I may not remember school, but I guess I retained the information I had picked up from it...or most of the information. Apparently I was only a mediocre student. Otherwise, I was pretty much able to function like any other adult in the country.

We arrived at Sullivan's Bar and Grill within a few minutes and Marie looked at me with a big optimistic grin on her face.

"You ready?" she asked.

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." I wished I could steal some of her enthusiasm. "You sure I'm even qualified for this? I don't have any experience...at least, I don't think I do."

She laughed, a big boisterous sound that was so counter intuitive to her petite frame, and she made me laugh in the process. As messed up as my life currently was, Marie helped me see the humor in the situation and it had become a bit of a running joke with us. She also enjoyed making up theories on my past life. The more outrageous, the better. The best one so far was that I was a vampire slayer a la Buffy, but her elaborate and detailed thoughts on me being the daughter of some mob boss was pretty good as well.

"I've already told Rob about your unique situation and promised that I would train you and get you up to par quickly if he hires you. There aren't many people vying for the job anyway, and he prefers to do as little work himself as possible. Couple that with the fact that he owes me, and I'm pretty sure you are a lock as long as you go in there, smile, and don't screw the interview up."

I gave her a thankful smile before stepping out of the car and into the old building, with Marie following behind. A half hour later, I was wearing the same black polo as the rest of the waitresses.

I was a quick learner. Within a month, I was just as fast and fluid as any of the other wait staff, and the tips were the proof. I officially moved in with Marie and started paying rent. Marie eventually started tending the bar, and life was overall pretty good.

The worst thing about my job was the unwelcome advances from customers. I didn't get too many on the restaurant side of things, but on the occasional day I filled in behind the bar – the legality of doing so without a liquor handling permit was apparently a fluid concept to my boss – I could expect more than one phone number and even a few bruises on my backside if the customer was exceptionally bold or drunk. It was on one of these days that I happened to learn something about myself: I did not hit like a girl.

I had been filling in at the bar, and a couple of frat boys were a few too many in. Marie had cut them off a while ago, but there were still sticking around nursing the last of their drinks and attempting to flirt with us both. We were both pretty used to it, but on this particular day I had just had enough. Thankfully, our shifts were about to end so we simply sucked it up.

As we made our way back to Marie's car, I heard them calling to us. It was the usual cat calls but when they wouldn't back off, things started to get a bit heated. They tried to get us to come home with them. We told them to back off. Actually, Marie's language was a bit more colorful, but you get the point. Eventually, drunk and annoyed, the apparent leader of the guy's pack grabbed my wrist and it was like something snapped in me.

Before I knew what was happening, he was flipped onto the floor, and several of his friends who tried to back him up were bleeding and broken. Marie and the few guys that were sober enough to stand back just stared at me in shock, and I didn't blame them. I honestly had no clue what had just happened. The boys picked themselves up and ran off, calling us some choice words as they scampered away.

Marie immediately started exclaiming how amazing that was and asking me how I did it. Obviously, I had no clue how I did what I did, but I spent the car ride trying to figure out where I might have learned to fight in my previous life. One thing was for certain: whoever had trained me had done a killer job.

After discovering my hidden talent, I started going to the local gym nearly every day. It didn't seem right to let those skills go to waste, even if their purpose was unknown. I worked with one of the local martial arts instructors a few days a week, but more often than not, I simply enjoyed running around the track or working with a punching bag. I did eventually branch out into some of the offerings of the gym, including dance. While I wasn't quite the "natural" as I was with martial arts, I eventually became pretty good.

– DIMITRI –

Six months. It had been nearly six months since I had last seen Rose. I still thought about her every day, but life has a way of moving on whether you want it to or not. While I still looked at her picture every morning and night, I never ventured to open her journal again since I had first discovered it. Even with her gone, it didn't seem right. I vaguely wondered if it was because I still couldn't be sure she was actually gone. We never did recover a body. She was still officially listed as "missing" though nobody was actually looking anymore. I often thought about returning to Spokane to try to find her, but I was always held back by the fact that I had no clue where I would even start my search.

Some days were better than others. Today was a bad day. Actually, except for perhaps what would have been her 18th birthday, this was the worst day thus far.

The graduating novice class was seated directly in front of the stage. The official school graduation had been done earlier in the day alongside the Moroi students, and now was the time for the Promise Mark ceremony. Each student would have the score from their final trials officially read before receiving their tattoo.

My mind wistfully imagined how I would feel standing here, as I thought I would be over six months ago. Honestly, not much would have been different. I would still be here proudly supporting my student as a mentor. That student would still be slated to be my guardian partner in protecting Princess Vasilisa Dragomir. I even have no doubt that my student still would have received the highest trial scores of the night. The only real difference was that instead of Edison Castile, that student would have been Rose.

About a month after Rose's disappearance, Eddie had found me in the gym. It was close to student curfew, and I was taking another round of anger and frustration out on the punching bags. Honestly, I was surprised that he even approached me in that state. Most students – and even some guardians – kept their distance now unless they had to speak to me. I had become something very close to the person I was when I had first arrived at the Academy after Ivan's death. Perhaps even worse. I was quiet, dedicated, and didn't do much more than eat, sleep, and complete my required shifts. Even Alberta had tried to speak to me about the sudden relapse, but I made it fairly clear that I wasn't here to socialize and make friends. I was here to help train the novice students until I could take my official position as the Princess's guardian. Duty was the only thing that kept me sane in those early months.

Still, Eddie came, and he came with a request.

I heard him approach before I saw him. He was quiet, but I could still pick up his foot falls. I hoped that if I ignored him, he would go away, but I felt him waiting for me to acknowledge him. Finally, I stopped my brutal assault on the punching bag and turned to face him.

"Guardian Belikov" he greeted.

"Castile" I returned.

A short silence followed as I saw him build up the resolve to say the next words. It was enough time for me to recognize just how alike we had become. Where there had once been a bright, happy, social young man, there was now a shell that held nothing but pain, guilt, and a sense of duty. I had always been fairly quiet and reserved. It was much more upsetting to see those traits ingrained into someone who was not naturally like that.

"I would like you to train me."

His request shocked me. It was honestly the last thing I expected, and my natural inclination was to deny him. I had no interest in mentoring another student. To be perfectly frank, I had only started mentoring Rose because I was practically forced to. However, I didn't have the chance to say no before Eddie started again.

"I know that I don't have the same potential as Rose," my heart clenched at her name, "and I'll never truly be a replacement for her, but I would like to offer myself to Princess Vasilisa as her second guardian since Rose is now...unavailable." He spoke so formally, but his voice wavered on the last word and he refused to meet my eyes.

He took a deep breath and regained his composure. "I feel I am at least partially responsible for the fact that both Rose and Mason aren't here, and while I can't bring them back, I can at least do my best to fill in the holes that they left."

I knew I should tell him something along the lines of "it wasn't your fault," but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He wasn't really to blame for the situation, but in my current angry state that didn't seem to matter. For a brief moment, I could pass on the fault to him for Mason's death and Rose's disappearance.

But that moment was short lived because if anyone was to blame for them being gone, it was me. I had told Rose about the Strigoi lead in Spokane. Eddie had revealed in later questioning that Rose had let it slip to Mason. While Mason had been the one who decided to investigate the lead further and recruited Eddie and Mia as back up, and Rose had tried to retrieve them before their absence was noticed, I couldn't help but shoulder the guilt knowing that they would both still be here if I had simply kept my mouth shut.

Perhaps the fact that we both felt guilty was the reason I said yes. We now had several things in common, including our self-blame for the loss of our best friends, and that brought an odd sort of companionship.

We started training immediately, running laps the very next morning. Overall we worked well together, but there was the occasional disagreement between us. Internally, I couldn't help but constantly compare him to Rose. He was good, but there was never quite the same natural talent. I tried to keep those comparisons silent, but when I pushed him too hard, he would bitterly remind me that he wasn't Rose and never would be. Despite our infrequent issues, we became the closest thing to a friend that the other had.

Eventually, we both became better. We never really overcame our losses, but we did regain some sense of normalcy after a while. I was there when he went to Lissa and offered to take Rose's place as her guardian, assuring her that he would happily step down if she ever was found. I advocated for him when Lissa placed her guardian request a few weeks before graduation. While I never said anything to him or anyone else, Eddie eventually guessed that my relationship with Rose wasn't quite as pure as it had seemed from the outside.

So now here we were, months later, at graduation and I was simultaneously celebrating his success while mourning the loss of Rose yet again. I knew he understood. While this should be an extremely happy day for him, celebrating all that he had accomplished, it didn't take too much to see that he was simply putting on a cheerful facade. For those of us who knew him better, we could see that he was barely holding it together.

Within a week, I took on my official role as Lissa's guardian. Eddie received his official position as her second guardian shortly after that. Lissa moved to Court after graduation, being groomed for some high ranking position under Queen Tatiana's council. Technically, she couldn't take an official place on the council since there were no other representatives from her family, but the Queen was working to rectify that oversight. Naturally, Eddie and I both followed, as did Christian.

Adrian also returned with us to Court. I wasn't exactly thrilled with his presence, but his Spirit work with Lissa had bound him to our little group. However, there was an unspoken agreement that neither of us would mention Rose. In fact, over time, none of us mentioned Rose. It wasn't as if we were trying to forget her, because that wasn't possible, but reminiscing about her only led to sorrow.

Come the following fall, we would be traveling to a nearby university where both Christian and Lissa would be pursuing their higher education. Lissa had once confided that it wasn't her first choice – which had been Lehigh University – but it seems that much of the Princess's confidence had disappeared alongside Rose because she had never even requested to attend there. In fact, Lissa had become somewhat of a pushover when it came to Tatiana. She complied to nearly every request of the queen except one: she never considered any other suitor other than Christian.

I would hardly consider myself a romantic but perhaps losing Rose had ignited some form of it inside of me because I silently applauded her for standing up for their relationship. She was hardly the same person without Rose by her side, but none of us really were. At least with Christian, she had someone to keep her grounded.

Author's Note

I need to correct a HUGE oversight from last week. This story is dedicated to someone amazing and I neglected to mention that. Raissa, this one's for you! Raissa20 stepped up as my beta a few months ago and has been helping me edit my horrid spelling and grammar, get my thoughts in order, and even locates my muse when I lose her. I am so grateful for a strong, dedicated friend in my life. Thanks hun!

I also wanted to thank all of you for your well wishes on my son's health. Happily, he is just fine. Yay for the resiliency of toddlers.

I'm so happy that this story is being so well received! As I told many of you who reviewed, this project feels particularly dear to me because I've been planning and working on it for MONTHS and I wanted it to be just perfect for you. Raissa actually had to give me a pep talk last week because I was getting nervous about posting it!

There have been some new readers who have discovered me through this story, so first: WELCOME! I love talking to my readers so please feel free to share your thoughts with me in the reviews! Second: If you haven't done so already, I have written both Vampire Academy and Frostbite from Dimitri's POV and will eventually write the entire series from his perspective. Feel free to enjoy these and my other stories!

Once again, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my work. You guys are amazing. I'd love to hear your thoughts and don't forget to favorite and follow! Have a great week!