A/N: Back! Alright here is the good news - I have almost finished this story in its entirety! Which is great news for you because that means I get to edit each chapter quicker...which means I get to update quicker! No more monthlong waits and believe me, I know how annoying that can be. But enough about the rest of the chapters. Let's just focus on this one, shall we?

Disclaimer: The talented J.K. Rowling created the Harry Potter world. I just live in it.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 15: Of Shooting Stars, Rules, & Bones

+++LILY+++

I don't know why I was kidding myself. I had actually come home at a reasonable hour and cooked beef stroganoff for James and myself. I lit candles, had an expensive bottle of champagne nesting in an ice bucket, and I even took it to the next level by wearing lingerie underneath my dress. I was feeling pretty good about myself until eight o'clock rolled around, and then nine o'clock, and suddenly it was ten o'clock, and James was a no-show. That's when I felt like an idiot.

James' schedule kept him pretty busy. In a word, his job was chaotic. There were days he'd be home by six o'clock and crawl right into bed after an exhausting day of training. And there were nights that he wouldn't get home until midnight because he and his partner had been called in to check out a tip that Death Eaters were hiding out around Kastle Bay and they had to stake it out. There were days he would disappear because Scrimgeour or Moody needed to send a few bodies to China or Cambodia or Chile to scope out an ex-hiding place of Voldemort's. A lot of James' missions and adventures were relayed to him at the drop of a hat and he didn't have the time to let me know where he was. It was a scary world. A world that I was unfortunately becoming accustomed to since having been immersed in it over the past three and a half years.

So tonight, I just prayed that Moody sent him to China or Cambodia or Chile or Kastle Bay. Because if I didn't pray that, the horrible thoughts were endless. And I refused to go there.

I unpacked a few of the boxes and my suitcases to get my mind off of James' whereabouts. I played the Weird Sisters at full-blast and sang along (well, tried to sing along) as an attempt of a distraction. And it worked. For a while.

I was unpacking some of my photographs when my eyes rested on the box of old Hogwarts memorabilia. I was slightly tempted to open it up and take a look, but I sat there staring at it for a few minutes before knowing I wouldn't. It didn't feel right opening it up in James' house – or I guess my house now. He had been so incredibly hurt when Riley left. Heartbroken. Defeated. Betrayed. Riley had been his best friend for eighteen years and he never thought that he wouldn't have her by his side. He especially never thought that if and when she left she wouldn't bother saying good-bye to him.

He had kept up a strong façade, mostly to help Sirius through her disappearance, but I knew it seriously crushed him when she left. He loved having the guys around and he obviously loved me, but I knew that none of us could ever have replaced the seemingly unbreakable bond he had shared with Riley. She knew everything about him. Everything. Things I didn't even know. Things I was still learning. And there were times after she had left that he would tell us all something personal where I would see a great bit of sadness gleaming in the back of his eyes. And I knew he was wishing that Riley was also there.

Not wanting to think about her anymore, I scooped up the box and stormed it down the hall to the storage closet. I stuck it in the back, hoping that I would one day be able to forget I put it there just like I had forgotten it was in my old flat.

As I was heading back towards my room, my eyes migrated towards the bedroom that had 'Wyatt' etched into the door. It looked like he had used a knife or another sharp object to engrave his name. I ran my fingers over the letters and instinctively, opened the door to the bedroom I had never even once glanced into.

It was very similar to James'. Even Brite's. It was obvious that all three of them had the same interests. It was also obvious that no one had entered that room in nearly a decade. A thin layer of dust lay over everything in the room and a large poster showcasing the Bigonville Bombers and the Chudley Canons was starting to peel at the corner. Old Daily Prophet articles lined one of the walls and as I got closer, I realized they were all about his father and Brite as Aurors. My guess was that his father never came in this room, because knowing what I know about Wyatt's relationship with his father, showing pride towards his dad wasn't something he was accustomed to doing outright. I glanced briefly through them, noting the many accomplishments that Mr. Potter and Brite had achieved during their Auror years. I briefly wondered what Mr. Potter was up to these days.

My eyes were next drawn to the mountains of photographs that lined the bureau. A few displayed one girl in particular, I could only assume it was his ex-girlfriend Emma, and some showed a few of his Hogwarts classmates. But most of them displayed his family. The whole family at the Quidditch World Cup and at the beach, the boys all helping bury Dezzy in the sand, all of them beaming proudly at Hogwarts on Brite's graduation day, what looked like a very young version of James, Brite, and Wyatt playing Quidditch in the backyard, the family all unwrapping gifts at Christmas, the guys all dressed up in fancy suits for the infamous New Year's Eve Auror Ball, the list goes on. In some of them, all eight of them were displayed. In most of them, it was candid photos of his brothers and sister having what looked like the best time. I could really feel the love of the Potter family. And it broke my heart knowing that their family would never be the same.

I sank into the messy, unmade bed with a sigh. My thoughts found their way to my sister, Petunia. It had been a long time since I thought of her, but it was thinking about the slow degradation of the Potter family that reminded me of the loss of my own family. Petunia and I used to be best friends. And then I was whisked away to Hogwarts and she hated me for it. Because she was sent off to some foster family and wasn't given the second chance to be normal like I received. I continued to write her, because I was naïve and just wanted my sister to appreciate me, but one day, the letters were sent back. I learned from the group home that Petunia was sent to another foster family and that she didn't want me to know where. It broke my heart. At least when I had my sister, I had someone who understood what I was going through. But the day that I realized my sister wanted nothing to do with me was the day that I truly became an orphan.

I wandered outside to the backyard. I was heading towards the Adirondack chairs, but stopped short, staring up towards the sky nostalgically. After my parents had died and before I received the letters inviting me to attend Hogwarts, Petunia and I would spend hours outdoors just staring up at the night sky. We would find patterns in the stars and pray for a shooting star to whoosh by as we found comfort in how bright and big the moon was above us.

I instinctively lay down on the grass and stared up at the stars, finding bunnies and robots and swords and hats in the stars. And when I was done with that, my thoughts returned to where James could be and I prayed that he was safe.

I don't know how long I had been lying out there, but eventually I heard soft footsteps behind me. I knew not to expect them to be James'. After years of friendship, I knew exactly who they belonged to.

"What are you doing out here?" Sirius asked, leaning over my line of vision.

I frowned. "Thinking," I said matter-of-factly.

"Aren't you cold?"

In fact, I hadn't even felt the wintry chill in the air. "No."

I sensed hesitation in his movement before he, too, joined me on the grassy knoll. "You alright?" he asked.

"Fine."

He nudged me with his elbow. "Liar. What's going on?"

I didn't respond right away, shutting my eyes as I let the slight breeze brush over my face. "I hate nights like this."

I could feel Sirius' eyes on me. "Er…late nights? Wednesday nights? Crisp nights? Breezy nights? Clear nights? Starry nights?"

No. It had nothing to do with the weather or the sky. I glanced over at my friend. "Nights when James doesn't come home."

His eyes flickered with defeat. "James isn't home?"

I shook my head.

"And you don't know where he is?"

"Nope," I said.

"He's probably just at the office."

"It's after eleven o'clock."

"He works hard."

"At eleven o'clock at night?" I muttered irritably.

Silence. He stuck his left arm behind his head, propping it up slightly. "He's fine, Lily-bean."

I sighed, turning my gaze back towards the sky. "What really sucks is that I have no idea if that's true," I murmured. "And those are the nights I hate. The nights where I wonder where James is. What he's up to. Was he called in on a dangerous mission? Is he stuck in the training facilities? Was there an attack nearby and he was called to the scene? These are the reasons I hate being an Auror's girlfriend. The questioning. The wondering. The…the fear. Until he walks in through that front door and hugs me, I won't know that he's okay. And that scares the hell out of me," I murmured. "Now that I'm living with him, it's a hundred times worse. Because I'm going to be able to take note of every single time he's late or he doesn't come home."

Sirius didn't say anything but there wasn't really anything for him to say. We watched the stars gleam with the bright moon, our thoughts running through a million different scenarios. "We all worry."

"Do you?"

Sirius nodded. "Absolutely. There's a war going on, Lily-bean. We can't ignore that. And James is actively fighting in that war. No matter how many times I like to tell myself that it's…it's not going to be him that winds up injured or dead or kidnapped or tortured, it very well might be someday. We read articles every day about Aurors putting themselves in the line of battle and dying nobly. Well, personally, I don't care if those people are dying nobly. It sucks that they have to die at all," he said softly.

I really wanted him to stop using the word 'die.' "Tell me again that he's fine," I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius turned to me, reaching out to grab my hand. "James can handle himself. He will be fine."

I desperately wanted that to be true. "Thanks."

"Of course."

I hesitantly let my eyes drift over to Sirius, sensing panic in his voice. Worry was etched on his face and I felt slightly guilty for putting that worry in his head. Sirius Black was a good friend to James. And what's more, James was a good friend to him. I couldn't imagine Sirius living his life without his best friend by his side. And so I didn't imagine it. I pretended as if my focus was on him. "Have you talked to James at all today?"

Sirius shook his head, shrugging. "No. Why?"

I stiffened slightly, thinking back to James' brother's sudden return the night before. It probably wasn't my place to tell Sirius, but I needed some advice so I felt myself blurting out, "Wyatt returned last night."

Sirius sat upright immediately, his jaw dropping in shock. "Wyatt?" he spat out. "As in…Wyatt? Wyatt Potter?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

I snorted, giving him a look. "I might not know what Wyatt looks like, but James sure as hell does."

"How'd he take it?"

"I don't know. Not well. He's pretending it didn't happen."

"Typical."

"Yeah."

Sirius' eyes wandered over to the empty field off to the left, a field where I knew that many a Quidditch games had been played over the years. "So Wyatt's alive?" Sirius murmured.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"James never believed he was dead. He knew he was out there somewhere. And I think that hurt James more. With death comes closure. With abandonment just comes a lot of pain and anxiety."

"Pain and anxiety certainly sums it up," I said softly, thinking about the conversation I shared with James the night before. He was hurting. He was always hurting. I'm pretty sure a minute didn't go by where he wasn't thinking about Wyatt or Brite or JT or his father or Riley. He had suffered a lot. He was still suffering a lot. And it killed me knowing that there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"Where's Wyatt been all these years?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't think he told James either."

"Oh."

I sat up, glancing over at Sirius where worry crease lines were forming in his forehead. "Why do you think Wyatt left?" I asked. "I wasn't around so I can't really speculate, but I'm hoping you might have some sort of an idea."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't," he admitted. "I was only thirteen when he left. I was a kid who didn't even attempt to understand how the adult mind worked."

I could have argued that eighteen was hardly adult, but it wouldn't have been true. The moment you left Hogwarts was the moment you were forced into adulthood. I was about to open my mouth when he spoke again.

"Although, I had a good feeling it had something to do with Mr. P."

I glanced over at him. "What makes you say that?"

He frowned curiously. "You've never seen Wyatt's room, have you?"

I hesitated. "Er…I actually snuck in earlier tonight."

Sirius shrugged. "Did you see all of those newspaper articles lining the walls?"

"Yeah."

"The only ones that were ever posted before Wyatt left were of Brite," he said slowly. "But the day after Wyatt disappeared, James, Remus and I snuck into Wyatt's room when his parents weren't looking. I think James wanted to find some sort of clue. We didn't find anything. Only that the wall that was originally just about Brite was suddenly lined with a hundred articles of Mr. P. Articles from so many years earlier that he must have been collecting them for a while."

I had no idea what that meant. Maybe he hadn't put them up on the wall until he was planning on leaving as a last show of gratification towards the family he left behind. Or maybe it was his way of saying that while an Auror wasn't what Wyatt wanted to do, he was still proud of his family. Still proud of his dad. Which, from what I understand, was something no one in the family could have believed. "Wow."

Sirius shrugged. "Mr. P wanted him to be an Auror. He didn't want to be. Not many people knew that. I'm not sure James even knew. But…Wyatt mentioned it to me once. A long time ago."

"So he…he left? Just like that? Because his dad didn't approve?" I murmured, shaking my head in disbelief. "There's got to be more than that, don't you think?"

"Yeah, there's more," agreed Sirius. "I just don't know what it is."

"Leaving isn't always the answer," I muttered, the words barreling out of my mouth before I could stop them. "In fact, it's never the answer. It's just cowardly and spineless. It's like the phrase goes: you can run, but you can't hide. You can't hide from the people you left behind and the unfortunate legacy you left behind by abandoning them."

Sirius fell silent and I cringed instinctively. I was talking about Petunia, but I realized that he probably thought I was talking about Riley. He didn't respond and I didn't try explaining myself. In all honesty, I didn't want to discuss Petunia. Ever. She was definitely a part of my past that I refused to acknowledge. It didn't take me long to come to terms with the fact that my parents and my sister were gone. They weren't coming back. They were lost to me forever. What took me a long time to realize was that that didn't have to mean my family was gone. My family was just now another group of people. People who have accepted me and supported me through the acknowledgement of my parents' death and my sister's abandonment. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Kay, and especially James. I couldn't lose any of them. I'd fall apart without them. They've been my rock, my stability in a very unstable life.

I watched as a shooting star blasted through the sky. Petunia initially crossed my mind. But when I closed my mind to make my wish, all I saw was James.

++SIRIUS++

The frown on Lily's face was one I wasn't accustomed to seeing. It was hesitantly cautious, nostalgically uneasy. It was a frown filled with trepidation. She was deep in thought. Her eyes were squinted and she was chewing curiously on the outside of her bottom lip. I didn't know what to make of it. In all honesty, I thought she was talking about Riley. But that wasn't the look she often had on her face when she was thinking about Riley.

I've known Lily for over ten years. I've watched her, not in a creepy stalkerish way, but I've watched her enough to know what every smile or frown or scowl or smirk meant. I recognized frustration or sorrow or confusion or anger in her eyes even if she tried desperately to hide it. I was often on the receiving end of those looks. James was, too. I tried to ignore them when I wanted to, but I couldn't ignore the look in her eyes now.

"Who are you talking about?" I dared to ask.

She gazed at me, startled. "No one. Forget I said anything," she pleaded.

Panic spread across her face, but I didn't push it. I heard the desperation in her voice and believe me, I knew all about not walking to discuss painful memories. So I let it go.

I cringed inwardly at the thought of painful memories. I couldn't help but think back to the conversation I shared with Keegan the night before. I was still frustrated with her for thinking she could waltz into my flat and tell me how I was feeling and what I was feeling. But I think I was more frustrated with her for apparently knowing exactly how and what I felt.

I slowly lay back against the grass once again, a sigh escaping my lips. I stole another look at Lily and blurted out, "Can I ask you something, Lily-bean?"

She hesitated before nodding. She then took my lead and fell back against the grass.

"Has Rouge ever mentioned her past boyfriends to you?"

She looked puzzled. Which was expected. Why the hell would I be asking about Keegan? She asked, "Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, my eyes on the night sky. "Just curious."

She let out a light snort, which wasn't unexpected. Thankfully, she didn't press on. "She rarely did, no," she answered with a curt shrug. "Mentioned Damien once. The guy she was living with before me. But none of the others. Although, she's said a few times over the years that she's had her share of boyfriends in the past four years after she left France."

My gaze didn't waver. I knew about Damien. Only slightly. But I was pretty sure that wasn't the love Keegan had lost that she had been referring to. "Hm," I murmured, realizing I wasn't going to get any answers from Lily. Damn. That meant I needed to get the answers from Keegan herself. "Okay."

"Any particular reason you're asking about a girl you despise?" she sniggered.

I fell silent, my lips pursing impatiently. "Nah."

She punched my shoulder lightly. "Black, there's got to be a reason you're inquiring about Keegan's boyfriends. So spill."

It couldn't have come as a surprise to her when I fell mute.

"If you don't spill, I'm going to assume you're asking because you either have a crush on the girl or you want to sleep with her, so-"

"Merlin, no!" I balked. I glared at her, the thought of a control freak like Keegan in bed making me enough to shudder. "I'm not asking on my behalf, but thank you very much for putting that unnecessary mental image into my head. It will take years of having sex with nameless girls to get it out."

She chuckled. "What am I supposed to think?"

I shuddered again, cringing inwardly. "The girl's been hurt, that much is obvious. I am just curious if you know how."

A frown replaced the amusement displayed on her face. She sat up and stared at me, her eyes inquisitive. "Seriously, why are you asking me about Keegan?"

I didn't really want to go into it, but at the same time, I couldn't lie to Lily. And I knew she wouldn't let it go. "We got into an argument," I said bluntly.

"Big surprise there," she snorted, shooting me a look. "That doesn't tell me anything."

I frowned, my eyes fixating on what I could only guess was the Little or Big Dipper. I nearly failed Astronomy class in Hogwarts. "No, this was bigger than our usual snipes and insults towards each other. She…she was clearly looking for me to help her out and I couldn't do it," I said, feeling only slightly guilty at the way I handled things the night before.

She hesitated. "Why was she looking to you for help?" she inquired.

"I don't know," I lied. "Because I was across the hall?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's a load of crock. It takes two seconds to apparate. I'm assuming she came to you for a reason."

I didn't respond. I didn't want to admit to Lily that perhaps Keegan and I had more in common than anyone really thought. "She and Fabian broke up," I blurted out.

Lily's eyes widened. "What?"

I nodded. "Last night."

She sighed. "Poor Keegan."

"Poor Keegan? Poor Fabian."

She hesitated. "Yeah, I guess," she said with a sigh.

I opened my mouth to bad-mouth Keegan but found myself staying quiet. I wasn't exactly one who could make any sort of judgments on break-ups.

"So I repeat my earlier question: why did she come to see you?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out in my own head," I admitted.

She pursed her lips curiously. "She's not planning on taking off, is she?"

I froze ever-so-slightly, slowly turning my head to face Lily. She was looking at me curiously, her eyes full of suspicion. "What makes you say that?"

"Because it's what she does," she said simply and matter-of-factly. "I don't know much about her past relationships but considering she's had approximately five and she's lived in five different places in the past four years, that one wasn't so hard to figure out."

"Ah," I muttered. Truth was, I had a sneaking suspicion that Keegan might indeed try to hightail it out of here. Probably because I didn't even attempt to stop her. In fact, I probably just made her want to leave more.

"Ah?"

I shrugged. "Just ah."

"That 'ah' had an agenda."

I sighed. I wasn't about to tell Lily that she was right about Keegan. That she could have already disappeared. Packed up her stuff and left without a second thought. I groaned inwardly, knowing that I'd have to dredge up enough courage and pride to knock on Keegan's door later. I don't know what I was hoping for: that she'd still be there or that she wouldn't. "No," I argued, shaking my head. "Just thinking."

"Well, that's a first."

I snickered, shooting her an amused look. "Hilarious."

She simply grinned.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally spoke. "Want a beer?" If I was spending my entire thoughts on Keegan, I needed some alcohol in my system.

She stifled a yawn. "Yeah, why not."

I got up off the grass, wiping a few stray pieces off my backside, and headed indoors. I wondered where James might have gone off to that night. Seeing as it was only the second night he was sharing Potter Manor with Lily, it must have been something important. He knew how much Lily worried. He wouldn't just blow her off. There must have been some sort of explanation. And I had a feeling it had something to do with Wyatt. What it had to with Wyatt, I had no clue. I could only assume he either went to discuss Wyatt's return with Dezzy or his mother or he was busying himself with some sort of workload or mission so as to distract himself from Wyatt's return. Either way, I prayed he just returned home sooner rather than later for Lily-bean's sake.

When I returned to the backyard with the two beers, it was Keegan that was on my mind again. I couldn't help but recall everything we had said to each other the night before, trying to read between the lines as much as I could. It was almost as if she had sought me out looking for a way to relate to me and my past. She kept saying that she understood, and if she truly did, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her. I might truly believe that the girl was a piece of work but no one deserved to be left behind. Especially by someone they loved.

I gestured towards the Adirondack chairs and she nodded. She slowly stood up off the grass and we made our way over to the chairs. I handed her the beer bottle. "What would you do if James suddenly just left without saying good-bye?"

She glanced over at me, startled. "Why? What do you know?" she said, panic in her voice.

I shot her a look. "Aw, hell, Lily-bean, it was hypothetical."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Sirius Black, if you know something-"

"It was hypothetical!" I argued, shaking my head. "This might shock you, but I'm not actually referring to you in this scenario."

She hesitated, taking a swig of beer before asking, "You talking about Keegan?"

Man, the girl was insightful. "Just answer the question."

She sighed. "Why's he leaving?"

"Beats me."

"Did he leave a note?"

"Don't know."

"Is he leaving by force or on his own free will?"

"I'm going to go with the latter."

"Then the first thing I would do was come up with a list ten miles long of all the ways he deserved to die."

I couldn't help but grin. "Spiteful."

"The bastard left me. In my mind, he has death coming."

A chuckle rose from within, but in all honesty, I knew all about wishing someone you loved dead because they left. "What's the second thing you would do?"

"Cry."

A given. "Third?"

Silence. I glanced over at her and saw the moonlight illuminating her now complacently twisted expression. She sighed. "I'd wonder what the hell it is I possibly did to make him think that his only way out was disappearing."

Been there, done that. "What if it isn't your fault?" This was all still hypothetical, but I wasn't entirely thinking about Rouge anymore.

"Doesn't matter," she was quick to argue. "I'd still blame myself."

I found myself nodding all to knowingly. "Yeah," I whispered. "I know."

Lily turned to look at me and it took everything in me not to meet her gaze. I knew exactly what her gaze would say: It wasn't your fault, Sirius. And while that may be true, four years later, I still couldn't help but blame myself for Riley Gilmore leaving. Lily didn't say anything and I was grateful.

Eventually, she broke the silence. "So you think that Keegan was left behind by someone she loved?"

I shrugged. "I don't rightly know. But I have a feeling the answer to that question is yes."

She opened her mouth to retort but clearly thought better of it and busied herself with her beer instead. I could see her trying to calculate her words out in her head. I was curious what she had to say. "Why is it that people are so bloody convinced disappearing is the answer?"

I let that question hang in the air, knowing it had to be rhetorical. But it was a question I've asked myself a thousand times before. A question where no matter what the answer was, it would never be the right one in my mind.

I stuck around for a while, mostly for Lily-bean's sake. If I wasn't there, she would merely worry about James. And while worrying was the easy thing to do, I wanted so desperately for her to have just a few minutes apart from her concerns. So we talked about everything and we talked about nothing. Lily imitated Kay demanding something out of her Maid-of-Honor, I joked about my latest female conquest, we discussed the upcoming Quidditch World Cup, we speculated over Fabian and Rouge's break-up, and I retold old stories of Wyatt, Brite, and Jaron. It was way after midnight when we heard the creak of footsteps in the kitchen.

We both whirled around and I could see the relief plain as day in Lily's eyes when James strolled out to the backyard. "Hey," he greeted, a smile on his face. A real smile.

"Where have you been?" Lily demanded, jerking away when James tried to kiss her.

He cringed. He stole a glance my way and sighed. "Wyatt's back."

I shrugged. "So I've been told."

"James?" Lily said, an eyebrow raised. "Where have you been?"

"You told Sirius?"

"Seriously, you're going to grill me right now?" she snorted.

Ouch. Lily was bordering on irritation. "No," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I…I met up with Wyatt at a bar tonight."

I swear I could hear crickets in the background.

"Wyatt?" I finally found my voice. "As in…Wyatt?"

He sighed and perched on the armrest of Lily's Adirondack chair. "Yeah."

"How did you know where to find him?" Lily asked curiously, the irritation in her voice now completely gone.

James hesitated. "Lafevre told me."

That threw me for a loop. First, Sydny finds herself at the scene of a kidnapping she should have known nothing about. Next, she's some sort of go-to person between Wyatt and James. She was definitely hiding something. I wondered if James knew what it was. "Sydny?" I asked curiously. "Why her?"

He didn't respond, but I wasn't entirely surprised. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was still digesting a whole bunch of information that I'm sure Wyatt had relayed to him.

"Well, what did Wyatt have to say for himself?" Lily asked.

Once again, James kept quiet. And once again, it didn't come as a surprise.

"Are you glad you met up with him?" Lily tried again.

When he didn't respond, I tried taking another route. "Well, how's he doing?" I asked.

He shot me a look. "That's the question you're going to ask?"

I shrugged, cringing. "It's been eight years. And I'm sure somewhere in those eight years, you were convinced the guy might be dead. So, yeah. I'm asking you how he is."

He frowned, reaching for Lily's beer. She paused but reluctantly gave it to him. I could tell she was still annoyed but trying not to show it. "Well, let's see," James murmured after taking a swig of beer and handing it back to his girlfriend. "He ran off to join the Dark Side because Dumbledore asked him to, he's been passing information to Sydny Lafevre for eight years, he was the one who got the message to Lafevre about Dez and Drew's kidnapping, and he's just realizing now that Voldemort is a load of shit and so Wyatt wants to escape."

My mouth hung open in complete shock. Stealing a glance in Lily's direction, she was frozen in astonishment as well. None of us spoke for quite some time. James didn't offer any more explanations and Lily and I were clearly still trying to process. Eventually, once my mouth grew dry, I spoke. "So, he's good then?" Sarcasm dripped from my every word.

James' head swung towards me with surprise. And suddenly he was smiling. Then laughing. I got only slightly worried when he didn't stop laughing, doubling over as the chuckles rose from within. Eventually, he turned to face me. "My family is so screwed up." He laughed again.

Lily and I shared a concerned look. I didn't know if James was laughing because he was tired or if he was still trying to digest the conversation he had with Wyatt or if it was just yet another defense mechanism so as to avoid the horror that has become his family. "James," Lily said, resting her hand on his arm.

His laughter died down and a sad look quickly replaced the amusement that was just shining in his eyes. "He asked about you guys."

"Wyatt?" I questioned.

James rolled his eyes. "No, Voldemort. After I met up with Wyatt, I thought it would be a great idea meeting up with the guy who is out to get all of us."

I snickered. "Alright, stupid question."

"Yes, Wyatt asked about you. He asked if I was still friends with the Marauders. And he asked if Lily here truly was the Lily Evans that I apparently once longed for as a thirteen-year-old."

Lily blushed. "Wyatt knew who I was?"

I couldn't help but snicker. "You were pretty much all James focused his time and energy on back then," I joked. "Sad part is, you were the only one who didn't seem to know that."

She smiled shyly, reaching for her boyfriend's hand, who had become unusually subdued. "James?" she said softly. "Are you okay?"

He didn't respond immediately, shutting his eyes with a sigh. Eventually, he opened them back up and gazed down at her. "Y'know, you think that you finally have a handle on your life. You think that everything is finally just falling into place. You think that you are finally able to control what happens. And then suddenly, your long-lost brother of eight years returns from presumably the dead. And it just makes me wonder what the hell is going to happen next," he said with a deep sigh. He turned his head towards the dark abyss, staring out into the world. A scary, unpredictable world. "Seriously, what's next?" he repeated in a whisper. "What do we do now?"

I shared a look with Lily. James always did want to have some sort of control over his life and the lives of his loved ones. He hated unpredictability and he hated the unknown. Look what unpredictability and the unknown has gotten him thus far. Unfortunately, it appeared that James would forever live a life of unpredictability and unknown. And I hated that he had to go through that. While we all have to endure a bit of unpredictability in our lives, James' was constant. Relentless. Endless even. He had so much to lose and so much to worry about. And no matter what reassuring thing I could say on the matter or what supportive words Lily had to say on the matter, it would never be enough for him. Because it probably wouldn't be the truth.

So I was grateful when Lily finally spoke because I was at a complete loss for words. She squeezed his hand and said softly, "We go to Blarney's."

He glanced down at her, gratitude in his eyes. My guess was he was appreciative that she didn't try and urge him to discuss Wyatt or James' feelings on the matter. He smiled. "We go to Blarney's," he repeated.

"It's twelve-thirty in the morning," I pointed out.

Their eyes turned towards me in surprise. "When has that ever stopped you?"

I grinned. "Alright, let's go to Blarney's. Should I see if Remus and Peter are available?"

"At twelve-thirty in the morning? They'll probably punch you," James teased.

I shrugged. "Once I tell them that Wyatt returned, I'm pretty sure they'll be begging to join."

James frowned. "I don't want to talk about Wyatt tonight."

"I never said we had to talk about it. I'll just allude to that possibility to them so they'll drag themselves out of bed."

"How is it you have any friends?" Lily groaned.

"I'm not actually sure."

++REMUS++

Twelve-forty-five in the morning was not my ideal time to be woken up by my crazy roommate. "What the hell, Sirius?" I whined, attempting to pull my pillow over my head. "Some of us actually sleep at one o'clock in the morning!"

"You'll want to wake up for this."

I sighed. I doubted it. Most of his news had to do with a girl. "Tell me tomorrow morning," I muttered, rolling over to face the wall.

"Wyatt returned last night."

I froze, slowly turning back around to face. "Wyatt? As in…as in…Wyatt?"

"My reaction precisely. You coming to Blarney's with us or not?"

I hesitated, weighing my options. "Is James going to provide us with any sort of details?"

"Guess you won't know unless you come to Blarney's."

Damn Wyatt for interrupting my sleep. I trudged out of bed reluctantly. "Alright, let's go."

++PETER++

I was finishing up inventory behind the bar when I heard my name being shouted halfway across the bar. "YO, WORMSICLE!"

I groaned, glancing over my shoulder. "Please never call me that again."

Sirius grinned, hopping on to an empty bar stool. "We're hitting up Blarney's. Stop counting bottles and get drunk with us."

"You're just now going to Blarney's? It's twelve-thirty in the morning."

"Geez, why do people keep saying that?" Sirius muttered. He hesitated. "Oh, wait, that was me that said it. Eh, that's beside the point."

"Stop babbling, Sirius, and tell Peter what's going on," Remus whined.

"Why does anything have to be going on for a late-night trip to Blarney's?"

"Sirius."

"Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a twist," he snickered, turning back to face me. "Wyatt returned."

I dropped the half-empty bottle of firewhisky, millions of pieces shattering across the floor. I didn't even notice that my pants were now soaked with the pungent odor of whiskey. "He…he what?" I whispered, trying to hide the shock in my voice.

I had only recently found that that Wyatt had joined Voldemort's army. I had never actually seen him (as being a spy is a better kept secret if not many know about it in Voldemort's army), but his name came up at one of my last summons with Voldemort. All of these years I had assumed Wyatt was dead and as it turned out, he was just as bad as I was. Maybe worse considering he gave himself completely over to the Dark Side.

But if he had returned that meant he had escaped. So maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"You heard me right, Wormy," Sirius said with a shrug.

I had a million questions running through my mind but none of them could be asked to the two people in front of me.

"And I hope you plan on squeezing that excess firewhisky from your slacks into a glass and drinking it because no Marauder will ever waste alcohol."

"Didn't realize that was one of our rules," I drawled sarcastically.

"It was an unwritten one."

"Opposed to written rules?" Remus interjected with a snort. "Pretty sure we don't have those either."

"We should start compiling a list!" Sirius suggested, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"Knock yourself out," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"You're actually condoning the idea of Padfoot putting together a list of rules? They'd consist primarily of booze and bimbos."

Sirius grinned. "You totally get me," he whispered overdramatically.

"I so wish I didn't."

"Can we go hound James for details now? I find it rather unsettling that we are discussing phantom Marauder rules when we all just found out Wyatt returned from the presumed dead," Remus chimed in.

"You actually think James is going to provide us with details?" I asked, frowning as I wondered how much James actually knew.

"To quote someone I know: guess we don't find out unless we go to Blarney's," Remus responded.

"Ooh, that person sounds so wise!"

"Shut up, Padfoot."

++JAMES++

I could tell the irritation on Remus' and Peter's faces that venturing to Blarney's at one o'clock in the morning without getting any information in return was not what they had in mind. But I was grateful that they didn't push it. That none of them pushed it. At that moment, I just wanted to enjoy spending time with my friends and girlfriend.

"So how's living with this lug?" Sirius asked Lily as the clock neared one-thirty.

"I am not a lug," I argued. "I am a fun-loving, free-spirited, enjoyable presence."

Sirius blinked. "Er…that's great. Feel free to fill out a personal ad with that information and watch as only puppies go flocking to you," he snickered, turning to Lily. "So? How's living-"

"Hey, if a puppy ventured my way after reading a personal ad, I would have no problem with that. I could become rich with a dog who could read."

"I can read," Sirius pointed out with a grin.

"You're also human 95% of the time. I don't think that counts."

"Are we seriously having this conversation?" Remus whined.

"Oh, you're just cranky because I pulled you out of bed," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Ya think? With empty promises, might I add."

"Eh, blame James for that."

"Er…can we not?" I chimed in. "I already spent four hours with Wyatt today. I don't want to spend any more time thinking about him right now."

Awkward silence filled the table. "Can I just ask one question?" Remus pleaded.

I sighed, nodding.

"How was it seeing him again?"

I hesitated, pondering my answer carefully. "It was..." I dithered, pursing my lips curiously as I searched for the right verbiage. "Weird."

When I didn't elaborate, he rolled his eyes. "Gee, please don't strain yourself with all of the details."

I cracked a smile. "I was thirteen when he left, Moony. I was just a kid. I-"

"I'm getting deja-vu," Lily interrupted with a smile, shooting a look over to Sirius.

Sirius grinned. "James and I are actually twins who got separated at birth."

I made a face. "I'm not surprised my mother gave you up. She clearly knew you'd grow up to be a horrible trouble-maker."

"Hey!"

"I hate to break it to you, Prongsie, but you are just as much a trouble-maker as Padfoot," Peter snorted.

I chuckled, returning to what I was previously saying. "When Wyatt left, it hit us all pretty hard. But at that time in my life, I couldn't even begin to understand the turmoil that was going on in the wizarding world. I just thought Wyatt was giving up on all of us. And now? With everything that's been going on, I don't blame him for wanting to believe he could make a difference."

"But it didn't end up doing much good," Sirius pointed out lightly.

"Maybe not for you or for me directly, but it wasn't like he did nothing. He saved lives. He stopped some of Voldemort's larger-scaled plans. He helped put some of those Death Eaters in Azkaban. He gave us names so we could track certain Death Eaters. It made a difference."

"Sounds like you're proud of him," Lily spoke with a curious smile.

I hesitated before shrugging. Dammit, maybe I was proud of him. "All this time I thought he abandoned us. I thought he wanted out. Turns out he was just doing what he thought he had to do to protect his family. Who knows if it really was noble or just really stupid, but the guy has guts, that's for sure. I-I know that I would do anything to protect my friends and family so I can't hate Wyatt for doing what he did. I can hate how he did it and I can hate the fact that he didn't bother saying goodbye to any of us, but this hatred I've built up inside of me for so many years has evaporated. I guess what's left in replace of it is pride."

They were all staring at me in slight awe. Probably because it wasn't often I got all prolific on them. "In the spirit of not talking about it, can I ask another question?" Remus asked with a sheepish grin.

I shrugged.

"If Dumbledore knew that Voldemort was killing and kidnapping his family behind Wyatt's back, why didn't he try to put an end to the mission?"

I hesitated. It was a question that had been running through my mind since I left Wyatt. I was a little irritated with Dumbledore for keeping this secret from me, but I was more irritated that it went on for so long when it shouldn't have. "I don't know," I admitted. "At this point I've learned that I will never know what's really going through Dumbledore's mind."

"Well it's not like Dumbledore could go storming into the middle of Voldemort's army and demand that Brite be returned to the good side," Lily pointed out with a knowing raise of the eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure that would be like handing a death wish over to Brite on a silver platter."

I sighed, really not wanting to think about it anymore. "It's one-thirty in the morning on a weekday. Can we not discuss my screwed-up family and talk about something that might actually make us smile?"

I pretended not to notice the exchanged glances of concern amongst my friends as I sipped my beer.

++SIRIUS++

I was attempting to find something to change the subject when Remus chimed in. "Well, here's a fun subject change: Sirius got so mad at Keegan the other night that he chucked a half-empty beer bottle against the wall," Remus spoke up with a mischievous grin.

So not my idea of a good subject change.

"Whoa, that's huge," James said with feigned shock as he gazed at me curiously.

"Oh, it is not. I'm always fighting with her," I muttered.

"No, I was referring to the fact that you wasted half a beer."

I pretended not to be amused but I'm sure the slight tug of a smile gave me away.

"What the hell were you two arguing about now?" Peter groaned.

I shrugged, shooting Remus a warning glare. I had no idea if he knew anything about the subject of my fight with Sydny but I was not about to reenact it. "It was nothing."

"It always is," Lily snorted. "Do you realize that if you two got over whatever petty differences have seemingly separated you, you might actually discover that you are quite similar?"

Oh, Lily-bean, you have no idea. "Our differences aren't petty," I argued. "She's a stuck-up Know-it-All who thinks I'm some chauvinistic, selfish prat. Believe me when I say she's never not going to be a Know-it-All and I certainly enjoy being a prat far too much to stop around her."

Lily shot me a look and opened her mouth to comment but an amused expression suddenly appeared on her face and she broke out into an unexpected fit of giggles.

"Pray tell, why is that so funny?"

She grinned. "You sound like me and James when we used to fight back in Hogwarts."

James blinked, glancing over at her before he, too, burst into laughter. "Merlin, did we really sound like that?"

"Oh, please, you called me a Know-it-All at least once a day for six years straight. And I'm pretty sure over time, I couldn't remember if your surname was Potter or just Selfish."

Remus quickly joined in on the laughter while I scowled. Which just set James and Lily off again. And naturally Peter joined in.

"I'm beginning to think my friendship would be better off with Rouge," I drawled sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Lily wiped a tear from her eye as the laughter died down, shrugging at me. "I just think you two are so classifiably stubborn you just don't care to get to really know each other."

"It's not stubbornness that's making me not care," I scoffed. "It's the fact that she's a stuck-up Know-It-All! Haven't we already gone over this?"

"Y'know, not only do you sound like the way James and I used to be at Hogwarts but you sound an awful lot like yourself at Hogwarts when pretending to despise a certain raven-haired ex-friend."

I cringed at the reminder of Riley. Bloody hell, why was everyone so fixed on bringing her up lately? "What's your point, Lily-bean?"

She shrugged. "Look where both of those relationships ended up."

My heart skipped a beat, the frustration surging from deep within. "I sincerely hope you're not actually categorizing my farce of a relationship with you-know-who as the same situation with your relationship with James."

They all frowned and I knew why. While I was quick to call my relationship with Riley a farce none of them saw it the same way. "No," Lily sighed. "I'm not saying they are the same. I'm simply pointing out they started similarly."

"Well, don't," I muttered irritably. "In fact, it might be wise of you to drop the subject altogether seeing as the last time someone dared to bring up Riley, I smashed a beer bottle against the wall."

Confusion clouded her expression. "Keegan brought up Riley?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Bloody hell, why were we still talking about this? "Probably had something to do with her break-up with Fabian."

Peter and James grew shocked, Lily already knew so she just sighed, and based off the unsurprised expression on Remus' face, I had a feeling he had in fact had some sort of conversation with Keegan the night before. "They broke up?" James repeated.

I nodded. "What else did you expect considering she neglected to show up at the hospital to be there for him?"

He frowned. "I assumed she had her reasons."

"Well, it's evident she does," I agreed, my voice hesitant. "She just refuses to explain them to anyone."

Lily sighed. "That girl is full of secrets."

Remus hesitated, peeking over at me curiously. "And we all aren't?"

The table went silence as we all realized that the werewolf had a point.

++LILY++

When I woke up around four in the morning, I noticed that James' side of the bed was empty. I glanced around the room, still half-asleep but slightly panicked, before my eyes rested on the propped balcony door. A chill ran down my spine and I had a feeling it didn't have all to do with the icy breeze from outdoors. I climbed out of bed and grabbed a blanket from the rocking chair to throw around my shoulders. I tiptoed over to the door and my eyes fell on James, who sat stoic staring at the world in front of him. A world I was certain he was afraid of living in anymore.

I leaned against the doorframe with a frown. "Hey," I said.

He jumped slightly, but didn't bother turning around to face me. "Hey."

Neither of us spoke, letting the wintry breeze numb our faces as we waited in silence.

"I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, Lils."

His voice broke me from my concerned thoughts for him as I glanced down at his fragile self. "What do you mean?"

"I just wonder if anything that any of us are doing to try and abolish this war is doing any good."

It was a question I often asked myself. "Like your brother?"

His brows crinkled. "I don't want to talk about him."

I sighed. Big surprise there. "We'll never truly know if what we're doing is making a difference, James. But what's the other option? Doing nothing? Neither you nor myself were ever really good at taking a backseat to anything."

He merely nodded, remaining silent on the matter.

I continued hesitantly, "I don't think we'd be very proud of the people we are if we weren't actively fighting and doing everything we could to protect our friends and family from the danger this war has presented us all with."

There was a flicker of panic in his eyes that peaked my curiosity. James wasn't one to panic no matter how chaotic his life or job became. He had always been the epitome of calm even in the face of so much danger and tragedy. He finally turned to face me and the panic was gone, replaced with complacency. "C'mere," he murmured, gesturing me over to him with a slight head tilt.

I obliged. I slipped into his lap and slid the blanket over both his shoulders and mine so that we were nestled closely together.

"I'm sorry that I took off earlier tonight without letting you know," he whispered, pressing his lips against my cheek. "To be honest, I didn't know I was meeting Wyatt until I appeared at the door of the Dragonfly Pub. I didn't think I wanted anything to do with him."

I nodded, letting my fingers play with the back of his hair. "And now?"

James frowned, his eyes once again gazing out towards the fields behind his home. Our home. "He still left."

"He's still your brother."

He didn't respond, brooding silently. I didn't know what was running through my boyfriend's head, nor would he probably tell me, but I knew he was dealing with so much inner turmoil. "I know," he eventually spoke. "That's where I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

He let out a quiet sigh, nodding slowly as he carefully thought out his next words. "One day, I'll forgive him."

I nodded. "One day, he'll earn it."

James locked eyes with me and I was surprised to see a smile creep on to his face. He caught me off-guard by pressing his lips lightly against mine and then kissing my forehead, so comforting and thoughtful. "I love you so much, Lils," he whispered. "Please don't ever forget that."

Not that I minded the affirmation but it felt slightly out of place. "Where did that come from?" I murmured curiously.

An off-putting chuckle escaped from his lips. "What, a guy can't say he loves his girlfriend?"

I cringed guiltily, laughing. "No, that's not what I meant. You can tell me you love me whenever you want," I urged. "You just sound…" I trailed off, not sure what I was trying to say.

"What?"

I glanced at him. "Tell me you're alright, James."

Another flicker of panic flashed across his face and he turned away from me quickly. "I will be," he urged.

I frowned. That wasn't what I asked. "Tell me that we'll be alright," I pleaded.

He turned to me, startled. "What? Of course we'll be alright. Lily, you're the only one that gets me through my day. Especially now that I get to come home to you. With all the crap I've had to deal with, you keep me sane. You keep my head aboveground. You're the only reason I ever smile anymore. You make me feel alive. You make me feel like me. No matter what happens, we will always be alright."

Relief washed over me and I pressed my lips firmly to his, framing his face with my now numb hands. "Well, then, I guess I love you, too."

He smiled, running his fingers slowly through my hair, his eyes never wavering from mine. I don't know how long we sat there, just staring at each other, but for the first time in a long time, I felt as if maybe everything was finally going to be okay.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

++JAMES++

I trudged into work that morning praying that for once I could just have a normal day. I didn't want to find out that someone had been attacked. I didn't want to hear about anyone else dying. I didn't want to think or talk about Wyatt's return. I just wanted to track down some leads on the occasional Death Eater's whereabouts, finish my crime reports from the recent attack, and spend a lot of time pounding into a heavy weight bag in the training rooms. Was that so much to ask?

Apparently.

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night," Sydny greeted me as I entered our cubicle.

"And a good morning to you, too, Sunshine," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

She chuckled, returning to the mound of papers in front of her.

I don't know what possessed me to bring it up but I found myself blurting out, "I went to see Wyatt last night."

She stiffened slightly before nodding. "I know."

I scowled, slipping into my chair with frustration. "You spoke to him?"

"No," she corrected, glancing over her shoulder. "I just knew that your need for answers was going to outweigh your anger and frustrations."

"You don't know me."

She let out a heavy sigh. "When are you going to realize, James, that unfortunately I know more about you than either one of us would care to admit?"

"You know facts. That's it. You don't know me."

She hesitated. "Alright, that's fair. I'll give that to you."

"Nothing about this is fair," I snorted.

"Yeah, I'll give that one to you, too."

"Stop throwing me bones. I don't deserve them."

"Bones?"

I hesitated. "Muggle expression. Damn, I've been hanging out with Lily for far too long."

She still looked confused. "Well, whatever the hell it means, I'm simply agreeing with you, Potter. Is that so surprising?"

"Yeah, kinda. I thought you rather enjoyed getting into rows with me."

She rolled her eyes. "This might come as a shock, but I don't enjoy arguing with you, Potter. You just happen to often be wrong."

I scowled. "I really don't like you sometimes."

She grinned. "I get that a lot."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," I muttered as I whirled around to face my own heap of paperwork.

"Hey, James."

I glanced up briefly at the sound of Dedalus Diggle's voice. "Hey, what's up?"

"You have a guest," Dedalus greeted.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. All of the people who came to see me know where my cubicle is and just come straight to me. "Who?"

Dedalus hesitated and I sensed uneasiness. "Your father."

My quill slipped from my hand in shock. That was the last person I was expecting at my office. Ever since he relocated to the Italian Auror offices, I have had very little contact with him. I had heard tidbits and snippets about him seeing as he was the Second-in-Command in the Italian Office, but I personally haven't spoken to him since I was home for Brite's funeral. He was at Jaron's funeral, but stayed in the back the entire time and left before the end. I'm not sure if it was to avoid his own feelings or to avoid us. he didn't even come to Dezzy's wedding, though I can't be sure if it was because he chose not to come or if Dezzy chose not to invite him. Either way, it had been years since I last saw him or even really thought of him, so the idea that he was there now was far unexpected.

I was so caught up with my own surprise that I barely noticed the panicked look on Sydny's face.

++SIRIUS++

I was enjoying my latte at Corner Joe's with that morning's Daily Prophet in my hand when someone slipped into the empty chair across from me. I glanced up and frustration boiled from deep within. "That seat's taken."

Keegan frowned. "By who?" she asked skeptically.

"Anyone that isn't you."

She sighed. "Nice to see you, too," she muttered to herself.

"It's never nice to see you, Rouge."

"How welcoming of you," she replied sarcastically. "Look, Black, the other night I never should have brought up Ril-"

"If you plan to stay, you will not mention Riley in my presence."

Her lips pursed. "You really don't get it, do you?" she muttered sullenly.

"Is there any point in me telling you I don't care what you have to say next or are you pretty much going to tell me anyway?"

She clearly found that less than amusing. "It's amazing how much you and I are one and the same, Black, even if you'd prefer not to admit that. Yes, you got defensive the other night, just as you are now. And you were totally in your right the other night as I shouldn't attempt to relate to you about something I know very little about. But your defensiveness had very little to do with me and almost everything to do with trying to keep up this tough act you're so convinced you need to have in fear of showing just a slight bit of vulnerability. Something I'm a pro at as well."

"What the hell are you babbling about?" I snapped.

She shrugged. "I'm just saying that is appears to be really easy for you to act like you're usual guarded, defensive, stubborn self and push me away when I try to make even the slightest gesture towards understanding your predicament. It's become second nature to you to push away all of the feelings from your past."

I felt anger boiling up inside of me again. But it wasn't anger towards her. It was anger towards myself. Because I knew she was right. And I hated that she was right. "And so what if I do?" I muttered. "What is the big deal?"

She didn't respond immediately, her eyes staring at me with a sense of curiosity and longing. "I don't care that you do, Black," she eventually said, her voice soft. "We all do it. Including me."

"So…" I started slowly, "Then what exactly did you want with me the other night?"

She frowned, biting down on her bottom lip insecurely. "Nothing," she murmured. "I wanted nothing. I didn't go to you looking for answers or a solution. I didn't go to you begging for you to tell me to stay. I didn't go to you to discuss our similar histories. I didn't go to you for any reason except to apologize. I did that and I said my goodbyes. And I guess I can do the same now." She got up from the table and headed out.

Merlin's beard, this girl was a piece of work. "Now who's avoiding their feelings?" I called out after her.

She hesitated before turning around to glare at me. "Ah, yes, because trying not to avoid them the other night worked out so well in my favor."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously? Are we back here? Playing our defensive games? Throwing around insults? The biting sarcasm? The need to push away any resemblance of understanding? We're just supposed to go back to the way things were before the blow-up we had the other night?"

"Of course," she retaliated immediately. "It's what we do. We insult each other back and forth until one of our comments actually hits a nerve. Then we ignore each other for days until we get bored of not flinging insults at each other. Then the cycle starts all over."

"We need a new cycle."

"No shit. Why do you think I showed up on your doorstep the other night?"

"I was hoping you were looking for Remus."

She smirked. "Maybe I was."

"Course if you had asked him anything about Jillian, I think that beer bottle I smashed against the wall would have been smashed over your head."

"I'm impressed you didn't clobber me with a beer bottle."

"I had considered it."

She smiled and I was shocked to realize that I couldn't even remember the last time I saw her smile in my presence. Scowling and smirking was something I was more accustomed to. "I really hadn't come to you for any reassurance, Black. I had only wanted to apologize."

"Why?" I asked curiously. "Since when did you ever care about apologizing to me about anything?"

She blinked hesitantly. "Chalk it up to me being thrown by my break-up with Fabian."

"As you should be considering you pretty much single-handedly caused it."

She cringed and I could tell the comment might have been a tad unnecessary. "I know you're right but it doesn't make it any easier to admit that that break-up was inevitable."

I frowned. "I never said it was inevitable."

"You were thinking it."

True. "It didn't have to be inevitable, Rouge," I pointed out. "Whatever reasons were behind you not showing up at the hospital, if you had provided even the slightest bit of insight from your past to Fabian, that relationship could have been rectified."

It was her turn to frown. "I don't get how you can sit here and tell me to open up about my past when you have made it abundantly clear that any mention of…of you-know-who can earn them a trip to the hospital."

I really hated when she was right. I reached out for my latte and sipped it slowly before gazing up at her knowing smirk. "Alright," I said softly, clearing my throat and sitting back in my chair. "Do you honestly want to sit here and debate our pasts? You want to talk about vulnerability? About running and hiding from your feelings and running from the past? From your relationships? From the people who have hurt you? From yourself? Because we can discuss if you want. I'm all ears." I wasn't but I was tired of her attempting to goad me.

"Forget it, Black," she muttered. "The moment passed where I thought I might be able to have a level-headed conversation with you. I had clearly been a fool for thinking so."

I grew quiet, thinking about the conversation we shared on Tuesday night. I knew I had overreacted slightly, though I don't think I was wrong for being angry over her need to dredge up my past relationship to which she knew nothing about. However, I also knew that any mention of Riley Gilmore can send me into an unnecessary tailspin. "Maybe," I sighed reluctantly, shaking my head. "But let's face it, I was a fool, too."

When I gazed over at Keegan, she looked surprised that I would even admit that.

Hell, I was even surprised that I admitted that.

I sighed. I probably shouldn't have admitted that.

++KEEGAN++

My eyebrow rose inquiringly. "Please do elaborate," I said, a hint of a smile on my face.

He shot me a look. "Don't look so amused," he protested. "I guess in the spirit of apologies, I'm sorry for blowing up at you the way I did."

I sighed. "I deserved it."

"Well, yeah, but I'm trying to be nice."

I found that amusing and laughed in response. "I hadn't realized you knew how to do that."

"It comes and goes."

"More often goes?"

He rolled his eyes, throwing me an exasperated look. "Seriously, that seat is taken."

I couldn't help but laugh yet again. As I glanced over at him, I was very aware that he was back to hi happy-go-lucky self instead of his guarded, anxious self. "Y'know, you're not so terrible, Sirius Black."

"That was almost a compliment."

"It's the best you're going to get from me," I spoke with a wink, slowly lifting myself off the chair. "Well, I guess I should be heading into work. Thanks for the-"

"Wait, Rouge," he blurted out frantically, reaching for my arm before I could step past him.

When I glanced down at him, I saw guilt resting in his eyes. "Yeah?"

He winced, slowly retreating my arm from his own. He rubbed the side of his coffee cup with his thumb awkwardly, refusing to meet my eye. "Don't pack," he said softly. "Don't run. Don't hide. Stay put. Not for me obviously but for everyone else. For the friends you've made here. And for yourself. You deserve better than always being on the run."

Damn, he had the guilt trip thing down pact. "Why should I listen to you?"

He shrugged. "There was a reason you came to me on Tuesday, was there not?"

I met his gaze, hesitating with my words. "Like I said before," I spoke slowly, hesitantly slipping back into the chair across from him (I will question this decision later). "The moment's passed."

"Well, can I use this moment to ask you a question?"

"No."

He did anyway. "What was the start of all the running and the hiding?"

"That," I said rather quickly and defensively, "Is none of your business."

"It seems to me you wanted to make it my business on Tuesday."

"How many times do I have to tell you that-"

"The moment's passed," he muttered irritably. "Yeah, yeah. If you ask me, you're just doing more running and hiding."

I shrugged. "And so what if I am? I've done a damned good job at it thus far. Seems to me I can continue doing so for as long as I see fit."

He frowned. "How long will that be?"

I didn't respond but 'forever' seemed like a good answer. "You want to tell me about Riley?"

He flinched. "I already told you what happened on Tuesday," he muttered irritably.

"You more or less screamed it," I joked.

He looked less than amused. "You provoked me."

I shrugged. "Perhaps."

"So, tit for tat? I told you my story, you tell me yours?" he asked.

"Not a chance."

"Aw, c'mon," he said with a teasing smile. "I'm not going to use it against you."

I found those words a tad awkward. "I know you won't," I said matter-of-factly. "You can be an arse, but you'd never throw it back in my face. You'd have to be the biggest scumbag in history to do something like that. Just like I'd never throw what happened between you and Riley back in your face. I may be evil at times, but I'm not a coldhearted bitch."

He opened his mouth to retaliate, but I cut him off. "I have feelings, Black. I may hide them for the most part, but they're there. And I know what it feels like to get hurt. I know what it feels like to feel overwhelming pain. And that is something I would never, ever shove back in someone else's face. Not even yours."

"Gee, how generous of you," he smirked. He hesitated before asking, "Did some loser boyfriend of yours walk out on you?"

"Tristan wasn't a loser," I immediately defended. "And no, he didn't walk out on me. He wasn't given the chance to."

"Well, whatever the hell it is he did to you, he's an ass for doing so. Abandonment hurts no matter what the circumstances."

I couldn't agree with the first comment but the second comment was dead-on. "Yeah," I muttered uncomfortably. "You don't have to tell me twice."

"What happened?" he dared to ask.

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. And unfortunately I saw the compassion that I had been searching for Tuesday night. My heart started beating a mile a minute and silence fell over the two of us.

"If you want understanding, I'm here," he said with a shrug.

Dammit, why did I have to knock on his door on Tuesday? Why did he have to answer? I had no idea why he was trying so hard to get me to talk but it was slowly irritating me. He didn't get to be stubborn and push me away that night and then expect the opposite outcome from me. No way in hell was I caving just because Sirius Black seemed to know the right things to say. "I don't want to talk about this," I murmured hesitantly.

"Yes, you do," he argued, narrowing his eyes. "You do want to talk about it. You're just afraid that once you do, you'll have no reason to run or hide anymore. And somewhere in the past four years, running and hiding became second nature to you. It became easy. It became your safety blanket. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you destroyed that safety blanket the moment you opened yourself up to a line of questioning from me starting with last night. So I'm not backing down. I'm not getting out of your doorway. We may not particularly like each other, Rouge, but that doesn't mean we haven't been down a similar path in our lives. So talk. Because I'm here to listen, I'm here to understand, and I'm here to help. As much as I possibly can."

"You can't help," I snapped, shaking my head. "This isn't a problem you can fix. Nor do I want you to."

He shrugged. "Maybe I can at least answer some of the questions that I know are jumbling around in your head. The same questions that are running through mine."

I shook my head. That is where he was completely wrong. "No," I retaliated, my voice rough. "You can't answer my questions. No one can."

"I can try," he urged.

"No, you can't!" I cried out in a hoarse whisper. "Did you ever stop and think, Sirius, that you're one of the goddamned lucky ones? That even though Riley left, she…" I stopped short, shaking my head irritably.

Shock gleamed in his eyes. "'Lucky?'" he growled, his fists clenching. "Lucky that I had my heart broken? Lucky that the girl I was madly in love with just walked out on me without so much as a goodbye or an explanation? Lucky that-"

"Yeah!" I interrupted, glaring at him. "Yeah, you were lucky! On Tuesday, you said you thought you had five days left to spend with Riley before she was supposed to leave. But I thought I had a lifetime with Tristan. We had our whole lives planned out. He was my everything. My world. I…I had never believed I could find someone who I could love so much and who could love me back until Tristan came into my life." I hesitated, trying to catch my breath, squeezing my eyes shut as I remembered the fateful day almost four years earlier when I was told the horrible news. The news that changed my life.

I was very much aware that tears were stinging in my eyes as I glanced back up at a curious Sirius. And then I said the words I hadn't been able to since the day it happened.

"But then he died."

A/N: Lots going on in that chapter! I hope it was worth the wait. Sorry to leave you with not one but two cliffhangers - go ahead and call me all sorts of names right now. I deserve them!

Up next: more on Mr. Potter, James reaches a breaking point, and lots of tequila shots.