Chapter 20: To Leave or Not To Leave: That is the Question.
Maria stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy with dark bags under them. She'd barely slept. After kicking Georg out of their room, she'd wondered whether she'd been too harsh on him, and part of her wanted to go and find him, to apologise for her anger and to ask him back. But then she thought back over their argument: Camilla, the Baroness then finally his late wife, and she was furious and began paced angrily around the suite, fuming over all the things they'd argued about.
Feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, Maria tried to go to sleep but it was no use. She tossed and turned, unable to sleep due to all the thoughts racing around her head. The night seemed to go on forever, the minutes feeling like hours. Finally, just before dawn, Maria drifted off into a restless sleep only to be awoken around an hour later by Hannah when it was time to rise for the day.
As Maria showered and dressed, Hannah left the suite to take a clean suit and shirt to Georg. Obviously he didn't want to see her. She didn't blame him after the way she'd thrown him out of their suite the night before and part of her was glad she didn't have to see him, as she was still mad at him. But she knew that she couldn't avoid him forever and they'd have to speak about their argument at some stage. Maria splashed some water on her face and, hoping that she didn't still look as tired as she felt, wandered downstairs for breakfast.
As Maria arrived at the breakfast room, she could hear the joyful sounds of the children chattering away inside. Maria stood just outside the room and watched the children quietly. Marta and Gretl had some pieces of paper and coloured pencils and were occupying themselves with drawing until it was time to eat. Brigitta, Louisa and Liesl were huddled together talking, while Friedrich was cheering Kurt on as he was trying to juggle three apples.
They all looked so happy. Maria sighed. She knew that no matter what was going on between her and Georg, she had to do her best not involve the children in their marital problems. Trying to put on her best smile, Maria took a deep breath and stepped inside the room.
Almost as if they sensed her presence, Gretl and Marta looked up and rushed into Maria's arms to wish her a good morning. She knelt down and hugged the little girls and gave both of them a gentle kiss on their heads. As Marta and Gretl returned to their drawings, the three older girls looked up and sang a chorus of 'good morning, Mother' to her before resuming their conversation. The boys had been too interested in Kurt's juggling ability to even notice that she'd arrived at breakfast. Smiling to herself, Maria walked closer to Kurt to watch him juggle but he immediately dropped the apples.
"Aw, I dropped them again!" Kurt whined.
"Oh Kurt," Maria laughed. "You have to practice."
"I've been trying to," the young boy explained. "But I can't seem to juggle longer than a second or two. Can you show me again?"
"Certainly," Maria agreed and took the apples from him. She successfully juggled them for him like she'd done in the marketplace on one of their very first outings together back in Salzburg. Both Kurt and Friedrich laughed and clapped at her performance before Kurt asked to try again.
"No, Kurt, I think that's enough for now. Your grandparents will be down for breakfast soon, and I'm sure your grandmother especially won't appreciate her breakfast apples becoming bruised if you continue dropping them like you are." Kurt reluctantly returned two apples to the fruit bowl before taking a large bite of the third apple. Maria raised her eyebrows at him before he grinned and told her he was so hungry he just couldn't wait for breakfast.
Moving down the table, Maria went to see how the older girls were. Their quiet discussion had seemed to turn into a bit of an argument.
"No, I don't!" Leisl exclaimed.
"Oh yes, you do," Brigitta countered, a snigger on her face as she poked Louisa in the ribs who giggled as well.
"What are you girls discussing?" Maria asked pleasantly.
"Liesl's in love," Louisa snorted as she erupted into hysterical laughter.
Immediately Liesl's face turned red. "No, I am not. He's just a nice boy."
"A nice boy you're in love with," sniggered Brigitta.
"A boy? Liesl, who are they talking about?" Maria sat down at the breakfast table next to Liesl.
"Just a boy, well he's practically a man, actually," explained Liesl with a shy smile on her face. Once again Brigitta and Louisa began to laugh uncontrollably. Liesl shot them a scathing look. Maria also gave the girls a 'look'. Immediately they stopped laughing but Maria could see them desperately gnawing their lips attempting not to laugh again.
Ignoring their antics, Maria turned to Liesl. "What's his name?"
"His name is Daniel Collins and he's 19. He's the son of a family friend. Grandmother introduced us the other day while we were out preparing for my party…"
"And she's hasn't stopped talking about him since," giggled Louisa. Liesl gave her a death stare and straightaway Louisa was silent.
"Mother," Liesl began. "Daniel has asked me out to tea on Thursday. I, uh…" she shot a warning look in Louisa and Brigitta's direction, "was hoping to go but I'll need Father's permission. Would you speak to him for me?" Liesl's eyes gleamed with life and excitement.
"Your Father?" Maria immediately questioned. She closed her eyes and sighed. Georg was the last person she really wanted to talk to at that moment, let alone speak to him about getting permission for his eldest daughter to go on a date with a young man they'd never met before.
"Yes," Liesl continued. "I'm sure if you ask him he'll say yes. He listens to you. He always does what you ask him to do…"
Well not always, thought Maria bitterly, remembering her plea then his refusal for them to leave the manor.
"Please…?" Liesl begged Maria. Maria remembered comforting a heartbroken Liesl about Rolf before they'd left Salzburg, and then again in the mountains after his traitorous ways had been revealed. It was a relief to see Liesl so happy now. Maria glanced sideways at Louisa and Brigitta who were both still trying to suppress a laugh, and Maria decided she agreed with them: Liesl was clearly smitten with this young man.
Maria told Liesl that she would speak to Georg when she had the chance and the two embraced. As they pulled apart, Maria struggled to stifle a yawn. At once Liesl noticed. "Mother, are you alright? You look tired."
"I'm fine," Maria reassured her with a smile. "I just didn't sleep well last night."
As she finished speaking, Georg appeared at the doorway of the breakfast room, dressed in the fresh shirt and suit that Hannah had gotten for him. Hair mussed and unshaven, he looked as tired and as wretched as Maria felt. Scanning the room, his eyes found hers right away. Instantly the smile on Maria's face faded as all the memories of the previous night's argument came flooding back. They stared at each other across the room for a few moments until Maria tore her eyes away and stood up, walking over to the window on the other side of the room. The three girls immediately noticed the uncomfortable exchange between their parents and they looked at each other questioningly.
Georg muttered his good mornings to the children then strode past them to go directly over to Maria. She didn't turn but continued to look out the window.
"Maria," he whispered to her, gently taking her arm. "We need to talk."
Still feeling angry with him, Maria flinched and yanked her arm out of his grasp. "I don't want to talk to you Georg," she hissed under her breath. "I'm still mad at you, and I'm very hurt."
"I know. Maria, please…" Georg began but he didn't have a chance to say anymore because at that moment, Lord and Lady Whitehead came into the breakfast room. At once the children stopped their activities and bid good morning to their grandparents. Maria glared at Georg one last time before she took her place at the table, joining the children. Silently Georg sat down next to her and all seven children looked amongst themselves, wondering what had caused the obvious iciness between their parents.
The footmen served breakfast, but Maria declined most of what was on offer, not having the appetite to eat. The family ate in silence but every now and then, Georg cast a sideways glance at Maria, hoping to catch her eye, however she just stared down at her near empty dinner plate, refusing to look at him.
"Not eating dear?" Lady Whitehead suddenly piped up, noticing Maria's lack of appetite. Maria opened her mouth to answer but before she could, Lady Whitehead continued. "Well I suppose after your performance last night when the Addington's were here, it makes sense you aren't in the mood for eating."
Maria felt her face start to flush as all seven children suddenly looked at her, wondering what Lady Whitehead was talking about. Maria hadn't had the chance to defend herself in front of the Whiteheads about the accusations Camilla had made against her.
Before she could respond, she heard Georg clear his throat. "Elizabeth, I sorted it all out with Camilla last night…" Maria's head shot up at the mention of Camilla and she turned her head sideways to look directly at Georg.
"Ah yes, of course. She did mention that," Lady Whitehead replied casually, "and how the two of you shared a bottle of scotch late last night. Georg, you must have the most frightful hangover after the exhausting night you've just had." Lady Whitehead shot Maria a cunning and knowing look.
Maria couldn't believe her ears. Had Georg truly gone and found Camilla the moment she'd thrown him out of their room? Georg had just confessed that he'd spoken to Camilla, and he did look like he had a hangover. But Georg had sworn to her that nothing would ever happen between him and Camilla. But what was Lady Whitehead implying? That Georg went straight into another woman's arms? No, surely not.
Her head began to swim. Suddenly she needed air.
Sliding her chair back from the table violently, Maria gasped. "Please excuse me, I need air…"
As Maria ran from the room, she heard the sounds of chairs moving, footsteps then Georg's voice calling out to her. Maria didn't take any notice, but instead ran through the hallways out to the back garden. It was only as she reached the terrace she stopped, gulping in breaths of air, desperately trying to hold in the tears that were forming in her eyes. She felt tired, frail and emotional, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep going.
A moment later she heard the sound of someone arriving on the back terrace after her. She knew it must be Georg. "Georg, please, I can't do this…" Maria cried as she turned around to face him. But to her surprise, it wasn't Georg out on the back terrace, but Lord Whitehead instead.
Maria blinked several times in surprise before she wiped a stray tear off her cheek with the back of her hand. "Lord Whitehead," Maria stammered. "I wasn't expecting you… I mean I thought you were Georg."
"Yes well, he wanted to come after you, but I told him to stay, finish his breakfast and spend time with his children and that I'd come and talk to you."
"Talk to me?" Maria repeated. "I don't understand." Maria really didn't understand what Lord Whitehead was doing there, especially wanting to talk to her. In the month since she'd been at the manor, he'd never said more that two words to her, preferring to always talk with Georg instead.
At her blank and perplexed stare, he began to explain. "Maria, I know that we've barely spoken since you've arrived at the manor, and I confess that is all my fault. You see, when I heard that Georg was marrying his children's governess, I have to admit I was a bit wary. I mean, both Lady Whitehead and I had great hopes for Georg in finding a new wife and mother to our grandchildren. To be frank Maria, your background as a postulant-turned-governess, as well as your young age, was not what we'd envisioned as a suitable match for Georg." Maria opened her mouth to protest but Lord Whitehead raised his hand, silently asking her to let him finish.
"But," he continued, "over the last month, I've been watching you closely. Georg is clearly very taken with you and I see just how devoted you are to the children as their new mother. I've also grown to admire the way you've learnt a new language and the seamless way you've fitted in with this circus of a life in high society." He rolled his eyes and made a wild gesture in the air with his hand.
Maria let out a low laugh. "Oh, it hasn't been easy at all."
"I know that," he replied giving her a sympathetic look. "I thought you looked like you could use a friend, someone to talk to, apart from Georg that is."
Maria gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Lord Whitehead. I appreciate that."
"Please, call me James," he replied extending his arm for her to take. "Here, let's go for a walk."
Maria took his arm and he led her down into the garden. They walked for a while. Maria didn't say anything, but just let him speak. "Maria, you know I wouldn't pay too much attention to anything Camilla says. She's a spoilt young lady who is used to getting her own way."
Maria stopped walking. "Lord Whitehead, I mean James. Last night, I never said those things to her…"
He immediately stopped her. "I know you didn't."
Maria felt confused. "But Georg said you were furious…"
"No, my wife was furious. But she tends to believe everything Camilla says. She has a rather soft spot for her, I'm afraid." He let out a deep sigh as they resumed their walking. "I've known Camilla ever since she was a child and I know all too well how manipulative she can be. And I know how long she's been chasing Georg: she'll say and do anything to get close to him."
Maria shook her head. "He told me he's never been interested in her."
"That's true, he hasn't."
"But then just now, Lady Whitehead implying that Georg and Camilla…" Maria squeezed her eyes shut. "James, I was furious with Georg last night. We quarrelled terribly and I, uh… threw him out of our room." Maria gave him a sheepish look. "But I just can't believe that even after all of that, he would go to be with her!"
"He didn't, that I can be sure of." Lord Whitehead stopped walking again and turned to face Maria. "I do know, however, that they spoke briefly. Around half an hour after Georg disappeared upstairs with you, we heard music coming from the music room: Georg letting off steam playing the piano. He used to do that from time to time whenever he and my daughter would come to visit. Anyway, Camilla suddenly left to go and see him. But she was back around ten minutes later looking very embarrassed and humiliated. She spoke with my wife briefly before she and Lord and Lady Addington left for the evening. I didn't hear what they spoke about, but it appeared like Georg had given her the heave-ho once and for all. She was terribly upset by it, but that's what comes of throwing oneself at a married man." Lord Whitehead appeared completely unsympathetic.
Maria let out a sigh of relief. "I feel so silly to have doubted him," she admitted.
"Nonsense. Camilla's antics are enough to rattle anybody. Despite how close the two of them were, Agathe would get terribly upset by Camilla flirting with Georg all the time. Georg, of course, always pretended not to notice Camilla and Agathe was too polite to ever bring it up with him."
At the mention of Georg's late wife, Maria felt curious about her, especially after Georg's admission the previous night. "James, would you tell me about A-Agathe?" Maria asked hesitantly, stumbling over her name. "Georg never speaks about her, and I don't know much about her."
"Well, I'm not surprised about that. Georg was hit very hard when Agathe suddenly died. He shut himself away, removed any traces of her from the house, like she never existed." Maria nodded, knowing what he was like when she met him. They walked a few more steps before Lord Whitehead gestured for them to sit down on one of the garden benches.
"Now Agathe, where to begin?" He scratched his chin. "Well, she was lovely. My only daughter, I loved her from the moment she was born. She was quiet, softly spoken, but incredibly intelligent and funny. We used to sit for hours and talk, right here actually." He indicated to the bench they were sitting on. "We had a special bond, her and I. We were very close." He gave a wistful smile. "Unlike her relationship with her mother. Elizabeth and Agathe were always fighting. Agathe felt like her mother was too domineering, while Elizabeth felt that Agathe wasn't fulfilling her role in society. While Elizabeth has always adored Georg, she felt that Agathe marrying a sea captain and moving to Austria was beneath her station. Elizabeth used to criticise practically everything Agathe did: from the way Agathe refused to have nannies care for the children, to the way she entertained her friends, preferring small, quiet gatherings over large extravagant affairs. But being away in Salzburg, Agathe and Georg had the space to forge their own way and to bring up their children as they wished without her being under the watchful eye of her mother."
He paused for a moment and gazed out across the garden. "But every year, Agathe and Georg would bring the children to England for two months over the summer. At first everyone would get along. Elizabeth and I would enjoy seeing our grandchildren and Georg and Agathe would get some well-needed time alone. With Georg being away at sea so much, they barely saw each other for months at a time. But slowly everyone would start to get on each other's nerves. Elizabeth would hire a nanny for the children, much to Agathe's displeasure, they would fight about practically everything, and Camilla would be around at the manor every day or so flirting with Georg so by the end of the two months, Agathe would be begging Georg to take her home."
Maria let out a low laugh and shook her head. "This sounds very familiar."
"It does, doesn't it?"
"I'm surprised Georg doesn't remember what it was like being here," Maria stated, somewhat bewildered.
"That's because Georg didn't see or hear most of what went on during their visits. Meetings most days checking on his various business affairs in town, Georg never saw any of the fights between Agathe and her mother, and of course Agathe would never talk to him about it. She felt that she shouldn't bother her husband with petty family affairs, so I was her counsellor and confidant through all of it."
"So Georg never knew?" Maria asked.
"No, he didn't. It always came as a surprise to him when Agathe would beg to be taken home early. He was always adamant that the family stay for the entire two months."
Maria was quiet for a few minutes. "You know I begged Georg to leave last night, but he wouldn't."
Lord Whitehead patted her hand. "I understand that you to want to leave after all the games that Camilla has been playing. But I do hope you'll reconsider. I like having you around. I like the company and I like seeing my grandchildren. As for Georg, try not to be too hard on him. He can be stubborn." Maria let out a laud laugh in agreement. "But I do believe that Georg will do what he can to make things better for you."
"How do you know?" Maria asked.
"Because I've seen the way Georg looks at you like you're the only person in the world. I can see how much he loves you Maria, and that kind of love is very rare." Maria looked down at her hands in her lap and nodded faintly as she did know in her heart how much Georg did love her.
"It sounds like you were furious with him since you threw him out," he stated as Maria blushed, feeling slightly ashamed at the extent of her anger. "I don't know exactly what went on between you two. But give him a chance to explain and to make it up to you. He's a good and fine man. You're lucky to have married him." Lord Whitehead squeezed her hand before standing up and returning to the house, leaving Maria alone.
Maria sat on the garden bench thinking for at least the next hour. She pondered over all the things Lord Whitehead had told her about Camilla and all the things she'd learnt about Agathe. She had been surprised to find that Lady Whitehead treated her daughter in the same unpleasant way as she'd been treating Maria, but she was glad to find an ally in Lord Whitehead. He'd been very nice and kind to her, and she appreciated his friendship. Maria also tried to consider Lord Whitehead's advice about speaking to Georg. She still felt very hurt after their argument but her anger was slowly fading away and she owed it to Georg to at least hear what he had to say.
When she returned to the house, she tried looking for Georg only to be told by Lloyd that he'd gone into town. Feeling deflated, Maria wandered back outside for some fresh air as the children were with Nanny Jones until after lunch. After a while, Maria decided to return to the house to take a short nap, as she was exhausted. But as she walked back up onto the terrace, she bumped into Georg who had come outside to find her.
Before she could say anything, Georg spoke first. "Maria, I know you're mad at me but please, I need to talk to you."
"Georg, I'm more hurt than anything else."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Please, hear me out." Maria nodded in agreement. Georg let out a sigh of relief. "Firstly, last night after… er… I left our suite, I did see Camilla briefly."
Maria already knew that. "What happened, between the two of you?" Maria asked him directly. "Lady Whitehead implied that…"
"I know what Elizabeth implied but she'd wrong," Georg insisted. He took Maria's hand and they sat down together. For the next few minutes Georg told her quietly everything that had happened in the music room the night before and this time, he was completely honest with her, not leaving out any details, even telling her about how Camilla kissed him then propositioned him, but he assured Maria that he was firm and definite with his rejection of her. The entire thing was difficult for Maria to hear, but she was glad he was finally truthful with her.
They sat in silence for several minutes. "So that's all? She's not going to try again?" Maria finally asked.
"I don't think she will, and I promise I won't ever keep anything like this from you again. Maria, you're the only woman that I…"
"I believe you," replied Maria quietly.
There was another awkward silence before Georg spoke again. "Maria, about Elsa. I should never have…"
"No you shouldn't have," Maria quickly snapped back. "Georg, the things you said to me about her... You made it sound like I intentionally went to steal you away from the Baroness, that I did it on purpose. I had no idea what was going on inside my head or in my heart! You made me sound manipulative, deceptive and devious, that I knew what I was doing. I didn't! I'm not like her. I don't play those kinds of games," she cried. "You hurt me very much with your accusations."
"I know Maria. You were right, I was totally out of line with what I said and what I implied. It was very wrong of me and I apologise," he looked at her earnestly. But before she could respond, he fished out of his pocket a small, black, velvet box. He opened it up and presented it to her. Inside was an exquisite diamond necklace. "I, uh… got this for you today in town to say I'm sorry."
Maria looked at his gift for a few seconds before she let out a defeated sigh. She stood and walked over to the other side of the terrace, looking out into the garden. Georg felt confused. Always before when he'd argued with a woman, buying her an expensive gift was the way to soften her heart. But Maria seemed unmoved by his gesture.
"Maria?" he asked, coming up behind her. "Don't you like it?"
"I like it very much. It's beautiful," she replied keeping her back to him. "But Georg, I don't want expensive gifts from you to know that you're sorry." Why couldn't he understand that she wanted more from him? She wanted to be able to trust him and put her faith in him again.
"What do you want from me?" he asked, feeling a little exasperated.
Maria turned around and gave him a pleading look. "I want you to show me how much you're sorry. It was a start with you putting an end to Camilla's antics, but what about everything else? What about how you've been pining for your late wife? What about listening to me, responding to my requests and making me feel important? I'm hurt Georg, so very hurt by the things you accused me of, and the things you kept from me. I'm sorry but gifts aren't enough, and they're not what I want. I want you to prove to me that I can trust you again. Then, maybe, I'll forgive you and be able to trust you again." Without saying another word, Maria brushed past him and ran back into the house.
Georg stood motionless, trying to absorb everything Maria had said and he knew she was right: gift's weren't enough. He needed to prove himself to her and earn her trust and forgiveness. She needed him to listen to her, to respect her feelings, and to make her happy again and if leaving the Whitehead manor was what would make her happy, Georg decided he'd do it for her.
As Georg returned to the house, the bell for lunch rang. As the entire family ate together and talked amongst themselves, Georg decided to make an announcement.
"Excuse me everyone." Georg waited until he had everyone's attention. "I've been going over some of my business affairs today and it seems that I've now got everything in order. James and Elizabeth, thank you for your generous hospitality but I think we've stayed here long enough and it's time for us to leave."
There was a stunned silence from everyone as they all stared in shock at him. Maria especially was surprised because she wasn't expecting Georg to suddenly make the announcement.
"Leave? Georg no!" Lady Whitehead looked panicked and immediately objected. "We're enjoying having you all here so much, especially the children." She looked down the table at the dumbfounded children.
At once Liesl, who was sitting next to Maria, began to protest to Maria as well. "Mother, we can't leave. I have my party coming up next week, and remember, you promised to speak to Father about Daniel. Please, I don't want to leave."
"Liesl," Georg spoke sharply. "I've made the decision and that's final."
"Father, why can't we stay for just a little longer?" the young woman continued to make her plea. When Georg didn't reply immediately, she turned to Maria once again. "Please Mother, can't we stay for just a little longer?"
"Yes, Georg, can't you stay for just a little longer?" echoed Lady Whitehead. "Darling Liesl is right, we've put a lot of effort into this coming out party for her, and it would be a shame to cancel it. All the invitations have already gone out."
Georg looked from Liesl to Lady Whitehead then to Maria, who had been sitting quietly listening to all the protests and pleas going on around her. "Maria?" he asked. "This is up to you. We can leave now if you wish, or we can stay a little longer just until after Liesl's party."
Knowing the decision was now in Maria's hands, Liesl turned to her mother once more, grasped her hand and looked pleadingly into her eyes. Maria remembered how excited Liesl had been that morning telling her about the young man she'd met, and also she knew how much Liesl had been looking forward to the party her grandmother had arranged for her. If they left now it would crush Liesl's spirit.
"Alright," Maria said softly, looking Georg in the eye. "We'll stay, just until after the party."
As Liesl cheered then hugged her, Maria failed to see the look of triumph and delight on Lady Whitehead's face, but Georg did and he suspected she was up to something.
A/N: Thank you, thank you so much to everyone who has left me a review! I'm so pleased everyone is enjoying this story! Please keep the reviews coming! We are on the home stretch now – only a few more chapters to go!