CHOOSING DAY

SUSAN POV

I arrive at the Choosing Ceremony with my brother Robert and our parents. It is an exciting day but also a sad day. Robert told us that he has decided to choose Amity today. He doesn't feel he belongs in Abnegation and he wants to be able to enjoy life. He feels he could never do that in Abnegation. My parents were happy for him. They were pleased with his choice. They both agreed that if he was going to leave Abnegation then Amity was a good choice.

I am going to miss him terribly. But at the same time I know I am only moments away from being able to start my life in Abnegation. I am sure that once initiation is over that Caleb and I will be able to start officially courting. I have been waiting for that day for what seems so long. I don't remember a time when Caleb wasn't a part of my life but for the last year we have been stealing glances at one another. We have also spent time with each other's families.

I just know we are going to have a wonderful life together. So while I am losing my brother I am hoping I will be gaining a husband. Robert and I find our place in the long queue of other sixteen year olds waiting for the ceremony to start so we can choose our fates. I catch a glimpse of Caleb there is no way I will be able to see Beatrice she is just too short in this crowd of people. I see Mr and Mrs Prior having their last words with Caleb and Beatrice and then they depart to take their seats with the other Abnegation members that are here today.

Marcus our leader from Abnegation is standing at the podium he starts to speak. I'm not really paying attention to what he is saying. I silently scold myself for being so selfish and getting wrapped up in my own thoughts. I should at least be pretending to listen to what he has to say. As much as I love Abnegation and I enjoy helping others even I find it hard sometimes to stop myself from daydreaming and getting lost in my own thoughts.

Marcus is telling everyone about the five factions and what they all stand for. Everyone is listening attentively as he seems to be getting closer to the end of his speech. The last words he speaks I agree with completely. "Therefore this day marks a happy occasion-the day on which we receive our new initiates, who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."

I see this day as a happy day. It is the start of the rest of my life, with Caleb. I watch as the sixteen year olds start to make their way forward. Waiting for their name to be called so they can drip their blood into the bowl so they can start the rest of their lives.

I am starting to get nervous. I can see that Marcus will be calling Caleb soon and I start to get butterflies in my stomach. I watch as the boy before him a Dauntless decides to switch factions and you can hear the mutters coming from the Dauntless section. There are always people who transfer, I know my brother is about to do it. But people still seemed shocked when it happens. It isn't supposed to be your child or your faction that it happens too. It only happens to someone else. We all seem to live in our own faction bubble and think there is no better way of life. I always thought this too. But now that I see my brother is about to transfer, I understand that it isn't about any of that. If it was then we wouldn't have a Choosing Ceremony, we would all just stay within the faction we were born. So because of Robert I am glad we are given a chance to be who we are and not what our parents or our faction may think we should be.

As the boy moves away from the podium and off to his new life I hear it. "Caleb Prior," says Marcus.

I watch as he walks toward the bowls, he gives one last look to Beatrice over his shoulder. He walks over to Marcus and accepts the knife from him. I see him slice his palm and there is blood pooling in his palm. He takes a breath out then in and then he lets the blood drip into the Erudite bowl. What?

I gasp and I feel a hand grab hold of mine. I watch as Caleb makes his way toward the Erudite section as tears start to well in my eyes. "Did you know?" Robert asks me. I shake my head. "I'm sorry Susan," he says and gives my hand a squeeze. I'm so grateful that Robert is standing next to me.

I don't understand what is happening. I look over to Beatrice and she looks almost as shocked as I do. This makes me think he didn't even tell Beatrice. I look up into the crowd and I can see only devastation written on Mr Priors' face. I can hear outraged cries coming from the crowd; this is a much bigger shock to people than the Dauntless boy who just transferred before him.

What am I supposed to do now? Robert is leaving. Now Caleb has left. I don't understand a few short minutes ago I was thinking about my future and how it would revolve around Caleb. Now I have nothing, I have no one. I watch as Beatrice is called to the podium and I think at least I will have my friend with me. I always thought that she would be the one to transfer, not Caleb. I can't see her leaving her parents now.

I see her cut her palm and she stands there for a long time. A lot longer than any other girl or boy has today. She has her hand pressed close to her chest and then in one swift movement I hear the sizzle of the coals as her blood drops into the bowl. My mouth is open and I am shocked. I really thought that she would stay now that Caleb had chosen Erudite.

I still can't believe that he chose Erudite. He left me. How am I supposed to go back to Abnegation now? How can I face my family with the shame that he left. How can I face the Priors? I know that no one in Abnegation would ever say anything to me, but I am sure I will be able to see it in their eyes. I don't want to have to deal with their pity. But what else can I do?

"Did you know Beatrice was leaving?" Robert whispers to me.

I shake my head. "No but I always thought that she might. She didn't say anything but I know she wasn't as happy after Tobias left," I say. Robert just nods.

I think that was part of Roberts' decision to leave. He knew that Beatrice and he would only ever be friends and that there wasn't much choice for wives in Abnegation. They would have made a lovely couple but they both would have suffered for it in the long run. At least this way I know my brother and my best friend are going to be happy. But it still leaves me wondering about myself. I know it is selfish to think of one's self so much. I don't think I've thought about me as much as I have in the last few minutes.

Marcus is getting through the line of boys and girls quiet quickly now. It won't be long until it is my turn. Part of me doesn't want to have to go back to Abnegation. I am so embarrassed. I know I could never follow Caleb to Erudite. Mainly because I know I'm not smart enough, also I don't really want to have to keep studying. It was bad enough going to school. I could follow Robert to Amity. But I don't think I would fit in there. I'm not one to be outdoors a lot and I definitely don't want to be a farmer.

I am taken from my thoughts when I hear Marcus call my name. Robert gives me a small nudge and I look up to see him smiling at me. This is the last moment we will be together. "You don't have to pick Abnegation," he says. Does he feel my pain or is it just written all over my face. I smile back and nod. I don't think I could talk right now, I know the tears are ready to start flowing.

I walk up to the podium and take the knife from Marcus. He gives me a small smile; I can already see the pity is his eyes. If our leader can't help but look at me like that, what is the rest of Abnegation going to be like? I cut my hand and stand there looking at the five bowls. Amity is out, I don't like farming. Candor isn't even an option, I could never speak my mind it goes against everything I have ever been taught. Erudite I don't think so; I would not degrade myself any further by following him. Abnegation the place I have always fitted best with but now it feels like a terrible choice. Then I look at the coals. Dauntless it is where Beatrice has gone. I wonder if I could fit in there. They are our protectors; I would still be helping people if I was in Dauntless. I close my eyes and I put my hand over the bowl I have decided to choose and I wait and listen to the sound of my blood hitting the coals. The sizzle makes me open my eyes, I look up and I see the shock written all over Marcus' face.

I don't want to look into that face any more. I turn and quickly make my way over to a cheering Dauntless crowd. I reach the people and I start to get pats on my back and greetings. And thankfully there is no pity in their eyes. I make my way over to Beatrice and she grabs my hand and she says, "It's going to be alright Susan, we can do this."

I give her a smile and it is a smile that reaches my eyes because Beatrice isn't looking at me with pity she has excitement in her eyes. Like we are about to start a big adventure. I just hope I have made the right decision. It feels right but I am scared out of my wits.

"Did you know about Caleb?" I ask Beatrice.

"No, I had no idea, I still can't believe he did it," she says. "I'm sorry Susan. I really thought the two of you would be together."

"Thank you Beatrice," I say. "I can't believe I did this. How am I going to be Dauntless?"

"Susan it is okay. We are going to have fun. Nobody knows you so you can be whoever you want. You don't have to hide anymore. You can be so much more. I know you can do it Susan and I will be here with you. What made you choose Dauntless?"

"I couldn't stay in Abnegation. I couldn't stand to see the pity in everyone's eyes. Even when I took the knife from Marcus I could see him pitying me, it was horrible. I knew Robert wasn't staying. I felt like I was losing everyone I cared about. So I decided I would follow you, at least this way I have a friend and I will still be helping people if I become Dauntless," I say.

"You do have a friend Susan and we can get through this together. Just wait it is going to be exciting," she says.

I can see the excitement in her eyes. I knew Beatrice was never truly happy in Abnegation but now I see a fire in her that I had never seen before. I hope that she has enough fire in her to get us both through Dauntless initiation. Because at the moment I feel somewhere between broken and only half alive. Although the excitement that is buzzing around me is helping to lift my spirits. The Dauntless have an energy about them that I have never experienced before. Abnegation was all about blending into the background where here with the Dauntless they wouldn't know what a background is.

I turn to see what is happening around me, I have been so focused on talking to Beatrice that I had no idea what was going on. I see the last girl is now walking up to the podium. She picks Amity. Now it is time to leave. The Dauntless leave first. I have to walk past where my parents are sitting. I look up scared that they will only have pity and disappointment in their eyes. But when I finally see them all I see is the love that they have shown me for the past sixteen years. They both give me a small smile, it would be rude of them to show anything more, my mother mouths I love you to me and I can't help but smile. But at the same time I feel guilty for leaving them. My parents have always been so loving and selfless. Truly Abnegation. I just hope I have made the right decision.

Maybe I have made the right choice. My parents were both happy when Robert told them he was leaving. I just wish I could have one last conversation with them so they know why I have left and that the decision was made at the last second. It wasn't what I was planning to do. Hopefully I will get to see them on Visiting Day.

We are now in the middle of the Dauntless crowd as we make our way out of the room and towards the stairs. I thought only the Abnegation used the stairs. I look over to Beatrice and she looks as though she was thinking the same thing.

Once we reach the stairs everyone starts running. I hear whoops and shouts and laughter all around me, and dozens of thundering feet moving at different rhythms. I have never been a part of anything like this. It both excites me and terrifies me at the same time. How am I ever going to fit in with these people but at the same time I am thinking all I want to do is fit in with these people.

I hear a boy next to Beatrice shout "What the hell is going on?" She just shakes her head and keeps running. We burst through the doors and exit the building. I am completely breathless now; I have never done anything like this before. It was discouraged to run in Abnegation. As I am running with the rest of the Dauntless the ideals of Abnegation are starting to feel like a burden I have held and with each step I am slowly discarding them. And while my lungs burn and my muscles ache I feel as though my body is becoming lighter.

We turn a corner and then I hear the train horn. I forgot about this, the Dauntless jump on and off moving trains. How am I going to get on a moving train? I watch as the crowd spreads out into a long line. Beatrice must sense my apprehension and she calls out to me, "You can do it Susan, I'm sure you can." I am still so breathless from the numerous amount of stairs we have climbed down and the run we have taken to get to the train so I just nod my head at Beatrice. Hoping that I will be able to get on the train without too much difficulty. But I know this is going to be the hardest thing I do today. The Dauntless always look so graceful, it is so natural to them. But for me I have never been graceful and the concept of jumping on a moving train doesn't seem natural to me in the slightest.

We start to run beside the train and I can see Beatrice being pulled into the train by a girl. I feel like I am going to be left behind but then I see both Beatrice and the other girl holding their hands out to me. I push just that little harder and I feel my hands being enveloped by both girls' hands and with a final jump I land inside the train. It definitely wasn't graceful poor Beatrice and the other girl are flat on their backs with me partly on top of both of them.

"If it wasn't for it being two from Abnegation I say we would have a party on our hands," says a Candor transfer with an angelic face. He is tall with dark shiny hair, his nose is long with a narrow bridge and his eyes are green.

"Shut it Peter," says the tall dark skinned girl who helped Beatrice to get me onto the train.

"Oooh feisty Christina!" says the boy I now know is called Peter.

I push myself up so that I am now kneeling and help Beatrice to pull herself up.

"Thank you," I say.

"Are you all right?" Christina asks.

I nod my head and I can see Beatrice nodding too.

"I'm Christina," she says and holds out her hand in greeting to first Beatrice and then me.

"Beatrice," Beatrice says as she shakes Christina's hand.

"Susan," I say and follow what Beatrice did and shake Christina's hand. This is all so strange to me, Abnegation never touched in greeting so it is a strange concept and I'm not sure if I have done it correctly.

"Do you know where we're going?" Christina asks.

I can see that Beatrice is thinking about something as her eyes scan the carriage. "A fast train means wind," she says. "Wind means falling out. We need to get down."

We sit down and inch ourselves back until we are leaning against a wall.

"I guess we're going to Dauntless headquarters," says Beatrice. "But I don't know where that is."

"Does anyone?" Christina says. We are all shaking our heads. "It's like they just popped out of a hole in the ground or something."

As we are sitting in the train car I feel a gush of wind burst through the carriage and I watch as the other faction transfers topple over onto one another. I can't help but laugh as I watch Peter now have to disentangle himself from the others. I see Christina laughing and Beatrice has a smile on her face. I don't think I've openly laughed like that ever, not that anyone can hear me with the noises of the train so loud.

I sit here in silence and I start to worry about what I have done again. Have I made the right choice? I have Beatrice and I hope I have made a friend in this Christina girl. But at the same time I am thinking of Caleb and what must he be doing at this time. I know I have to stop thinking this way. He is a part of my past now and I have the chance to start over.

I still can't believe that he led me on. I wonder if he always knew that he was going to Erudite. Was I just a play thing for him? The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach and I wonder if I am ever going to be able to stop my thoughts from being overrun with Caleb.

"They're jumping off!" someone shouts.

I am shaken from my thoughts of Caleb with this news. I only just got onto this train. How am I going to be able to jump off? I stand and go and have a look out of the door. I can see we are seven stories up and people in the carriages in front are leaping off onto a building. What? Wait, they expect us to jump onto a building. What have I got myself into? What if I don't make it? Would I rather be factionless or sprayed against the ground seven floors below?

Neither option is appealing. I have worked with the factionless and I would hate to have to stand there and beg my mother for food. I couldn't imagine the looks I would get from her and the other Abnegation as I held my hand out for food. I will just have to jump, hope that by some miracle I don't land on the ground that is so far below.

I can hear the people around me, I think they are discussing what would happen if you don't jump but I'm not taking any notice. I am too lost in my own morbid thoughts of what may happen. It is only when I feel Christina shake my shoulder that I look up. I see a look of terror on her face.

"Here," she says and I must look at her confused as is Beatrice. "I just . . . can't do it unless someone drags me."

I don't think I am the right choice to drag her I am hardly able to drag myself of this train. "Hold on to Beatrice," I tell her.

"Susan you jump first and then Christina and I will be right behind you," Beatrice says. I nod my head and I leap. For a brief moment I feel like I am flying and then I am brought back to reality as my legs land hard on the rooftop and the momentum carries me forward and I roll across the roof a couple times before stopping.

I look around to see that Beatrice and Christina have landed almost identically to how I have and I am so relieved that they have made it as well. Christina jumps up quickly and announces, "That was fun." I can't help but let a small giggle out remembering the look of terror she had before she jumped.

Beatrice gets up and comes over and helps me to my feet as we stand there brushing the gravel and dust from our clothing. Then I hear a wail. I turn and see a Dauntless girl standing at the edge of the roof screaming.

We three walk over and look over the edge. I gasp as I see a body on the pavement below us. I feel Beatrice pull me away from the edge and I am happy to follow her. Hoping that is the last time I have to see something like that. Seeing her arms and legs bent at awkward angles, angles that the body was never meant to be seen in has sent a realisation through me that I hadn't thought of before. What if I don't survive this place? I don't think I really thought this whole idea of coming to Dauntless through properly. Well I know I didn't but now it is all becoming a harsh reality. One that is hurting more than landing on a roof after jumping from a train.

"Listen up! My name is Max! I am one of your leaders of your new faction!" shouts a man at the other end of the roof. He is older than the others, with deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair at his temples. He is standing on the ledge like it is a sidewalk. "Several stories below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

"You want us to jump of a ledge?" asks an Erudite girl. It is exactly what I am thinking.

"Yes," Max says. He looks amused. I'm not finding this amusing.

"Is there water at the bottom or something?"

"Who knows?" He raised his eyebrows.

Could it really be that bad? Obviously it would have to have happened in the past. But then what if this was a new way into Dauntless. What if no one has ever done this before? Will we be willingly jumping to our deaths? Will we all soon be looking like that poor girl who didn't make the jump only a few minutes ago. I wish I could stop all these thoughts whirling around in my brain.

The crowd in front of us splits in half, making a wide path for us. I look around. No one is looking eager to be first. Then I see movement next to me. I turn my head to see Beatrice walking toward the ledge. She walks up to the ledge and she looks down. I watch as she fumbles to unbutton her shirt and take it off. I watch as she takes in a deep breath and then she is gone. She has disappeared into the unknown of the Dauntless compound. I decide that I need to get this over with as quickly as possible so I start to make my way towards the ledge, ready to follow in Beatrice's footsteps.

Max holds up a hand signalling for me to wait. I stand there waiting, I don't know how long it is, I'm sure time is moving quicker than I would like. The waiting is filling me with dread, I now need this to be over as quickly as possible or I may not be able to do it. Then I hear Max's voice, "Your turn."

I look up at him and he nods. I get onto the ledge and I do just as Beatrice did. I take a deep breath and just jump.