A/N: And she's back! Alright, let's face it. You couldn't care less about this author's note as you just want to find out why Jillian is there and what's about to go down. So why bother trying to even write something here when it's clear you're just going to reach on?

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is not the equivalent of ByeByeBirdie. Therefore, most of this story does not belong to me.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 21: Of Jillian, Zippers, & Battles

++SIRIUS++

Jillian didn't speak and I was grateful for that. I was just trying to wrap my head around the fact that she was standing at our door. I never thought I'd see her again. In fact, I had hoped I'd never see her again. The last time I saw her, she was walking out on my best friend without so much as a letter or an explanation or even a good-bye. It was impossible not wanting to hex her right then and there.

Eventually, my shock wore off and anger interceded. "What the hell are you doing here, Jillian?" I snapped.

Her bottom lip trembled as she found herself shrugging. "I-I'm not sure," she said in a small voice.

"Well, how about you go figure that out and when you do, don't bother coming back." I tried slamming the door in her face, but she put her hand out to stop me.

"Sirius, please," she said, tears welling up inside of her. I wanted to smack those tears out of her eyes. She didn't get to cry. Not after what she did. "Let me talk to Remus."

"Are you serious?" I hissed. "Maybe you should have thought about that four months ago! Maybe you should have thought about that before leaving without bothering to say goodbye or tell him why! Maybe you should have thought of that before walking away from him and your relationship on your wedding day without so much as a goddamned explanation!"

"He knew why," she whispered. "I didn't need to give him an explanation."

I had no idea what she meant by that. "And that makes it alright?" I snapped. "He woke up that morning thinking he was going to marry you. Thinking that Jillian Greene was going to become his wife. Thinking it was going to be the happiest day in his life. You woke up that morning thinking you didn't want to get married. You see where the disconnect is?"

"Sirius-"

"You broke his heart," I continued, shaking my head in pure disappointment. I used to like the girl standing in front of me. I used to think she was perfect for him. Now all I saw was selfishness. "He would never admit that to you, but you did. The happiest day of his life turned out to be the worst. Why that day? Why ruin what was supposed to be your wedding day? You couldn't have broken his heart the night before? The week before? A month before? Why on your wedding day!?"

"It's not like I'm proud of it," she spoke in a small voice, her bottom lip trembling. "I'm not. I guarantee that no matter how much you might hate me, I hate myself more."

"No, I'm pretty sure I hate you more."

She wiped below her eyes, turning her head away from me. "You're not going to let me talk to Remus, are you."

I didn't respond immediately, trying to figure out where the hell I could even begin to describe how incredibly wrong it was that she was standing at our door. "You crushed him," I found myself saying softly. "We all watched him fall apart after you left. It took a long time for him to finally start living a life that didn't include you. So no, I'm not going to let you talk to him. Because I don't think I could watch him go through that kind of heartbreak all over again. And frankly, I'm not so sure he'd be able to either."

She offered me a curt nod as she fought the tears. "I-I know I shouldn't have shown up here but…Merlin, I don't know. It's New Year's Eve," she said slowly. "I thought maybe it was best for both of us to…to gain some closure before entering a New Year."

"Seems to me you've had four months to get some closure and you haven't cared enough to do so," I snapped.

She hung her head shamefully.

"And maybe that's what you need, but it's not what Remus needs. He needs to forget about you. He needs to move on, let you go and let the past be in the past. You don't get to come in here and try to fix things just because you feel guilty. That guilt is on you, not him."

She shook her head vigorously, her eyes filling with a sudden determination. "No, that guilt is on both of us. I shouldn't have left the way I did but he shouldn't have given me a reason to."

Once again, she was being cryptic. "What the hell are you talking about?"

She met my gaze, wariness flickering in her eyes. "He never told you?"

"Told me what?"

She didn't say anything immediately, pursing her lips curiously. "It doesn't matter now," she murmured defeatedly. "I just-"

"Sounds like it might."

She frowned hesitantly and I could see the words beginning to form. "It was a week before our wedding day," she said softly and slowly. "He had become rather distant and guarded all of a sudden. I didn't know why and for a while, he didn't tell me. But…"

"But?" I asked, overly curious.

She sighed. "We were sitting out on our balcony one night. Just drinking a few beers and chatting about nothing in particular. When I brought up the wedding, he got quiet. And suddenly he…" she trailed off, swallowing a lump that was clearly forming in her throat. Her eyes blazed through mine as she said, "He turned to me and told me I shouldn't marry him."

I blinked. That was certainly news to me. "What?"

Tears brimmed in her eyelids once again as she offered me a single nod. "He told me that being the wife of a werewolf wasn't going to be easy. That it took more unconditional love than any other relationship. That his life was unpredictable. Between his monthly transformations and the danger he posed on me and the way the wizarding world looked down upon him and how he could easily get fired in a heartbeat if his employees ever found out what he was and the fact that he could never give me children or even the semblance of a normal life, he wanted me to have more. He thought I deserved more. He urged me to leave, to fall in love with someone else who could give me everything I wanted and everything I deserved. He knew that once the honeymoon was over, that was it for us. That our life together would be a constant struggle. So…so he told me to be selfish. That he needed me to be selfish for once. Because that was what his life was all about. It didn't matter how much he loved me or anyone for that matter, he always had to put himself first. Not because he wanted to but because he needed to. And in that moment on the balcony, he was just for once trying to put me first."

I was beyond stunned. Not only had I no idea Remus said any of that, I had no idea he felt any of that. "He really said all of that?"

She nodded.

I sighed, turning away from her sad eyes. "Why did it take you a week to listen to him?"

Her bottom lip trembled. I couldn't be sure if it was out of guilt or heartbreak or fear. "That night, I told him that I already knew all that. But that love was enough to make it worth it."

"Clearly it wasn't," I drawled.

She sighed, nodding knowingly. "The morning of our wedding, I couldn't exactly tell you what had changed. I-I was staring at myself in the mirror with my wedding dress on and…and it all became so real. I had been so good at just living in the moment I had never really bothered thinking about the future. And in that moment I realized that maybe he was right. I had never once been selfish in our relationship ever since we got back together at Hogwarts. Because I knew I couldn't be. He was right. He had to come first. For so many reasons. And maybe I got used to that. Maybe I became accustomed to it. But as I stood in front of that mirror in my white gown, something changed within me," she said, choking on her words. She had to take a few deep breaths before continuing. "I realized then that if I married Remus, it would no longer by my life to live. But it wouldn't be ours either. It would be his. And so for the first time in three years, I did what he asked. I decided to be selfish."

"You couldn't have at least explained that to him?" I asked, desperation seeping from my words.

"I didn't know how," she whispered. "I had told him a week earlier that he was crazy. That I loved him and that was enough. How could I take it back? How could I look him in the eye and tell him that however much I loved him, I needed to love me more?"

"Oh, sure, because disappearing the morning of your wedding day was less shameful?" I snorted sarcastically.

"You don't have to understand," she said in a small voice. "Hell, out of all people I knew you'd be the last person to understand."

My glare filled with bitterness, the implication of Riley heavy in the air. "You're damned right I don't understand. I don't understand how someone can have the audacity to tell another that they are in love with them just to disappear in a single moment without so much as an explanation or a good-bye. You know who does that? Cowards."

"Or vulnerable girls who didn't know how to stop falling in love until it was too late."

I frowned. "Once you start falling, Jillian, you can't just stop. It stays with you forever."

Tears brimmed in her eyes again as she gazed up at me. "I know it does," she whispered. "And I can guarantee Remus feels the same. But maybe it's time to let go of it."

"You don't know what Remus is feeling because you left him. And he's been using these past four months to try and erase the past four years with you," I snapped. "I don't care why you left, Greene, you still left. And you don't get to come back and try to make amends."

"Shouldn't that be his decision?"

I shrugged. "He's doing well, Jillian. He's moving on. Please don't ruin that. Don't let him fall back into a deep depression. I'm not so sure he'd be able to get back out again."

She met my gaze slowly, her eyes filling with guilt. I was surprised to eventually see her nod. "I hope you know that I did really love him."

Yeah, I knew. "You had a lousy way of showing it."

She didn't respond, desperation flickering in her eyes.

"Get out of here, Jillian. And please don't come back."

I didn't even let her say another word. I slammed the door in her face and locked the door behind her, more for symbolic purposes than for any other reason. My heart was racing a million miles a minute. I never thought I'd ever see Jillian Greene again, especially not at my doorstep. I can't even tell you how she knew where Remus and I had moved to, though that wasn't really the concern of mine. I couldn't figure out what I was angrier about. For Remus going all self-righteous on Jillian and telling her not to marry him, for Remus for not telling any of us about that, for Jillian for the way she left, or for Jillian thinking she could show up and change anything that had happened. All I knew was that I was grateful to have been the one to answer the door and not Remus.

"So was that Keegan?"

I jumped, turning around to face Remus was he wandered into the room. "What?"

He rolled his eyes and he slipped his tie around his neck. "At the door. Was it Keegan?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah."

"And?"

"And what?"

He shot me a skeptical look. "What did she want?"

"Oh, just…just help zipping her dress," I lied, shrugging. "I should go finish getting ready."

I could tell Remus was suspicious, but I whisked myself away to my own bedroom before he could interrogate me further. As I shut the door behind me, my heart was racing uncontrollably. I don't know if keeping Remus from Jillian was the best decision, but to me, it was the only decision I could make in that moment. She had torn his heart to shreds and while I knew more than anyone that Remus was still getting over what would forever be known as his disastrous wedding day, he was at least putting his best foot forward. And I had a pretty good feeling that Jillian showing up would just make that impossible for him to do. I didn't want to see Remus hurting any more than I knew he probably already was.

But I still couldn't help and wonder what had possessed Remus to tell Jillian she deserved better. I've been best friends with Remus for over ten years and I knew there was no one better than him. Just because he was a werewolf didn't mean he deserved less than any of us.

I just wish he could see that.

++KEEGAN++

I didn't really want to go to the Auror Ball but Lily had showed up at my door and practically forced me into my slinky red dress. I had been perfectly content curling up on the couch with my throw blanket and some notes to the Potter exposé, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. So I found myself standing in the corner of the ballroom at Potter Manor, vowing to get drunk so that when midnight struck, I'd forget that I would be entering a New Year.

I was chatting with the son of the Australian Minister of Magic when there was a tap on my shoulder. Before I could even turn around, I was suddenly being dragged towards the library by Sirius' strong hands. "Black, what the hell?" I snapped. "I was busy!"

"Eh, he's not good enough for you," he said, shrugging dismissively. "Look, just in-"

"Excuse me?"

He rolled his eyes, shooting me an impatient look. "Let me guess. He said he was the son of the Australian Minister of Magic."

My eyes narrowed curiously. "Yeah, so?"

"That was Alan Mincayus. He works in the mailroom scooping owl shit while his father runs the local Owl Post Office," he explained hastily, shrugging not-so-apologetically. "So, listen, I-"

"What?" I scowled. "How the hell do you know that?"

"He does the act every year. You would think he'd learn by now to make up a new story," he snorted. "So, hey, I need you to-"

"If he scoops owl pellets for a living, how is he here?"

"His sister got the intellect in the family. She's the Junior Undersecretary to the Australian Minister of Magic. I'm pretty sure she feels obligated to bring the rest of the family," he explained. "Now, seriously, can we listen to me now?"

"I've lost valuable time finding someone to kiss at midnight by chatting it up with Owl Boy," I groaned. "I don't have time for chit-chat with you, Black!"

"Oh, you'll be fine," he said, rolling his eyes. "Now, seriously, I have something important I need to discuss with you."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, alright. What is it?"

"If Remus asks, you knocked on our door earlier tonight and I helped you zip your dress up, y'got that?"

I hadn't had a clue what he was going to say, but that wasn't even remotely anything I could have imagined. "Er…and why would I ask you to do that?"

"Because it was the only thing I could think of off the top of my head!" he grunted, clearly frustrated. "Will you just go with it?"

"I would except for one problem."

"Damnit, I knew it couldn't be that easy," he whined. "What do you need from me?"

I rolled my eyes, shooting him a look. "Nothing," I urged. "It's just that this dress doesn't have a zipper."

His mouth dropped open angrily. "Damnit, you really should have checked that with me first!"

"Oh, gee, should I ask you every single time I get dressed if what I'm wearing is acceptable for whatever ridiculous lie you will potentially create?"

"Yes!"

I glared at him. "I'm suddenly wishing I was still chatting with Mr. Australian Pooper Scooper."

He sighed. "I don't think Remus has seen you. You probably have time to slink back home and change into a dress with a zipper."

My arms folded over my chest bitterly. "I didn't even want to come tonight, Black. I am hardly going to head back home just to change into some other dress I couldn't care less about and return to this annoyingly crowded ballroom full of frauds."

"Well, gee, when you put it that way."

I shot him a look. "Why am I lying for you?"

"How about you just tell Remus that you had another dress on originally and you decided to change last-minute?"

I was getting slightly amused by Sirius' slight panicky demeanor. "If I needed your help to zip me up, wouldn't I have needed your help unzipping me?"

"Dammit, stop poking holes in my plans!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Black, you going to tell me anytime soon why I am supposed to be lying for you?"

"Because you're a nice person?"

"No, seriously."

"That's not really important," he muttered guiltily, running his fingers haggardly through his hair.

I could tell it was. "You sure about that?"

He locked eyes with me and I saw a huge flash of painstaking anxiety staring directly back at me. It caught me off-guard as Sirius Black rarely showed any form of uneasiness. "It's nothing you need to worry about," he muttered before flashing me what I could only assume was a fake smile as he attempted to slip past me into the ballroom.

I don't know why possessed me to reach out, but I grabbed his arm. "Hold up," I said, my eyes narrowing in concern. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he urged, but his voice was just a tad frantic.

"Sirius."

He shrugged and opened his mouth to retort but I could see that the wheels turning in his head were spinning at an alarmingly slow rate, no other excuses on the tip of his tongue. He sighed, glancing over my shoulder towards the ballroom. I had a feeling his thoughts were resting heavily on Remus. I just wasn't sure why. When he turned to meet my gaze, he frowned before taking a few steps back to perch on the armrest of one of the couches. "You can't say anything to anyone," he muttered.

"Alright," I said, ignoring the feeling of my heart starting to race at the idea that whatever Sirius was about to say couldn't be good.

His eyes pierced through mine, hesitance flickering back at me. "Jillian stopped by our apartment tonight."

If I was living in a cartoon, this is the part where my eyes would bulge out of my eye sockets. "What!?"

He nodded.

"As in Jillian Greene?"

"Yeah."

"Remus' ex-fiancée Jillian Greene?"

"Yep."

"Remus' ex-fiancée who walked out on him on his wedding day and shattered his heart into a million pieces Jillian Greene?"

"The one and only."

"I need to sit down," I muttered, suddenly feeling very light-headed as I joined Sirius on the couch. I tried to imagine Jillian standing on Remus' doorstep. I wondered for a brief moment how she even found out where he lived but shrugged it off. It was the magical world; we all had our ways of finding out supposedly privileged information.

I glanced over at Sirius who looked utterly frazzled. A side of him I don't think I've ever seen before. "What did she want?"

"Does it matter?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I think it does."

He sighed. "Closure I guess."

I didn't respond immediately, turning his words over in my head. "Yeah," I muttered. "I figured as much."

I could feel his gaze scrutinizing me, but I ignored it. I was too busy stewing in my own thoughts to wonder what he was thinking. I was angry at Jillian for thinking that she could just turn up out of the blue to get what she wanted. What about what Remus wanted? Had she ever once thought about him in all of this?

And at the same time, I was strangely proud of the courage she exhibited by her willingness to face Remus. And Sirius. She should have kept away, but I was impressed that she so desperately wanted some type of closure that she was willing to face the difficult situation in front of her.

Eventually I spoke. "So am I to assume that your active desire to have me lie on your behalf is due to the fact that you were the one who answered the door and Remus doesn't know that Jillian was in fact at his door tonight?"

"Precisely. The last thing he needs is to see the girl who nearly destroyed him."

I don't know why, but I frowned. "Mm."

"What?" he asked, his tone harsh.

I glanced up at him. "I didn't say anything."

"But you wanted to."

I sighed, cringing slightly. "Don't you think it should have been Remus' decision whether or not he wanted to see her?"

I had never seen a glare appear on someone's face so quickly. "Are you serious?" he snarled, his voice filled with so much vehemence and rage.

A guilty sigh escaped my lips. "I'm sorry, but-"

"No, the only person who should be apologizing is Jillian Greene. And as she stood on my doorstep today, she didn't once admit she was sorry. Not once. And I wasn't-"

"She didn't have to apologize to you, she had to apologize to Remus," I pointed out in a small voice.

"Oh my God," he said angrily, storming off the couch. "I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with you right now. You are delusional if you think my hiding the fact that Jillian showed up for Remus from him was anything short of logical. He has been doing so-"

"Terrible!" I snorted. I don't know, but frustration was seeping through my veins at Sirius' stubbornness. "The girl he loved left him! Just because four months have gone by doesn't mean it's gotten any easier! Did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, what Jillian needs from Remus is exactly what he needs from Jillian? Closure?"

I could see the anger stewing inside of him as his eyes grew with uncontrollable rage. "And what the hell would you know about that?" he snapped. "You're never going to be able to get closure from your own screwed up situation considering the guy you were, still are, madly in love with is now dead. And now you're pushing that inconclusive lingering empathy on to Remus!"

It was like a huge slap in the face. I froze, my whole body growing rigid with overwhelming pain and guilty shame. The color drained from my face as I slowly stood up from the couch, unable to dare look him in the eye. Maybe it wasn't my place to question Sirius, but he didn't get to stab me in my heart. "How…how dare you?" I murmured, my words filled with so much agony. "When I told you about Tristan, I thought you out of anyone would have compassion and understanding to never throw it in my face. Turns out, you're exactly the guy I strove to hate all this time. And now I know why."

I stormed out without even giving him a chance to protest or apologize or do whatever it is he expected himself to do. I passed the ballroom, not even glancing in, and strode through the dining room into the kitchen. I was two steps away from the back door when I paused and turned back. I thrust open the refrigerator and found a six-pack of beer stashed at the bottom. I quickly grabbed it and rushed outside, in desperate need of fresh air as a few unexpected tears slipped down my cheek.

How dare he? How dare he? He had practically begged me to tell him about Tristan and then he had the audacity to tell me that I'm letting my past get in the way of Remus' present. God dammit, I hated him for that.

Because unfortunately he was right. How could I not let what happened to Tristan affect my thought on everyone else's relationships and break ups? I was never given the option of saying good-bye to him. I will never get that option. I will never get closure and I will never fully understand why it had to be him. I will never know the answers I so desperately wished for. But maybe Remus could. If that's what he wanted of course. But that should be Remus' decision, not Sirius', right?

I sighed. I was being a hypocrite. Here I was telling Sirius that he shouldn't have kept Jillian from Remus when I was hiding such a huge secret from Sirius regarding-

"Hey."

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Sirius' voice behind me. "Go away."

"I'm such an idiot."

"I am definitely aware of that already."

He sighed and, not taking a hint, came up behind me. "Keegan, I'm-"

"Don't you dare," I muttered scathingly, chugging the rest of the beer in my half-empty bottle. "I don't want to hear your half-attempt at a lame apology. Not when I know you meant every word that you said."

He went silent and I let my gaze fall upon a stream of lights that bordered the edge of the Potter property line, so far in the distance. I wondered how much Lily would hate me if I just left this party. It clearly wasn't going in my favor.

"That doesn't mean I needed to say it that way I did," he sighed.

"Seriously, Black, just go away," I pleaded, shaking my head desperately.

Instead, he came around to my side, perching on the end of the Adirondack chair beside me. "I just…I freaked out when I saw Jillian tonight," he said softly, his voice heavy with guilt. "My instinct was to protect Remus and I-"

"Remus doesn't need your protection," I muttered.

He frowned, before saying, "I know, but I know a little bit about what he's going through and I just don't think Jillian deserves the chance to speak two words to Remus after how she left."

Probably true.

He sighed when I didn't respond. "Should I have told Remus Jillian was there? Yeah, probably. But in that moment, I wanted to get her away from him as fast as possible. I didn't want him to have to relive what can only be described as one of the worst days of his life. I-I didn't want him to fall back into that deep depression he was in the month or two after she walked out on him. He may still be living in the what-ifs and he may still not be doing so well after what she did, but he's far stronger now than he was three months ago. I-I know what that deep depression feels like. And I didn't want him to have to go through it again."

It was so very clear to me that while he may have been referring to Remus in his words, his heart was thinking of Riley walking out on him. I opened up another beer, taking in a deep breath before slowly saying, "Sirius, can I ask you something?"

He nodded, his head still hung shamefully.

"If it was Riley that had come back, would you want to know?"

His startled eyes met my gaze. "Are you asking me if I need closure?" he asked, clearly relating it back to our conversation about Remus.

Not really. "In a way," I lied.

He shrugged, instinctively reaching over to grab one of the beers in the six-pack in my hand. "Would I want to see her? No," he muttered, taking a quick swig. He sighed. "Would I need to see her?" He let the question so unanswered but we both knew that was a big fat yes.

I, too, let out a reluctant sigh, my heart starting to race.

His gaze faltered from mine, turning towards the vast acreage in front of him. "I may deny it as much as I possibly can, but the truth is I'm still waiting for…for all the answers I never got from her that I think I deserve."

I don't know why, but an overwhelming sense of sorrow came over her at that moment. Sirius could get exactly what he so desperately needed when I would never be able to get that. I would never get the chance to look Tristan in the eye and tell him all of the things I wish I could have said before he died. I would never get the chance to say good-bye. To him, to the life we shared together, to the person I was with him. But Sirius could say his good-byes.

We fell into a comfortable silence, my eyes following the outline of trees marking the Potter property line. I shivered as the air grew colder, the hairs on my arms standing upward. I pretended to ignore it as I took a long swig of beer, my heart starting to race at the prospect of what I needed to tell Sirius. "Sirius, I have to tell you something," I said softly.

He glanced at me. "Okay," he said hesitantly, his eyes narrowing curiously.

"I-I don't know how to say this, but…" I trailed off as my eyes began adjusting in the dark as I noted the stars twinkling in the distant sky.

I froze. Wait a minute, those weren't stars. "What's that?" I asked, slowly getting up off my chair as I narrowed my eyes at flickering lights deep within the forest.

"What's what?" Sirius asked, following my gaze to the forest. He opened his mouth to ask again, but finally noticed what I was noticing. "Are those lights?"

"Are those people?" I asked hurriedly, recognizing the black outlined shadows beneath the rustling trees.

Sirius squinted his eyes to get a better look before he gasped in horror. He immediately jumped off the Adirondack chair, his beer bottle falling to the ground and shattering into hundreds of pieces as the leftover beer trickled towards the edge of the grass. He reached down for my empty beer bottle and with a flick of his wand, it was slowly transformed into a pair of binoculars. He held them up to his eyes and another loud gasp quickly followed.

"There is nearly a hundred of them!" he cried out in shock and horror. "Keegan, we've got to get inside and warn everyone!" he croaked, grabbing my arm as he pulled me back towards Potter Manor, the binoculars now abandoned on the patio.

"Sirius, what the hell is going on?"

"Death Eaters," he gasped. "And in about five minutes, they're going to be able to penetrate the forcefield surrounding the Potter property. It's not built to keep out a hundred people, only a few at a time!"

I was too stunned to bother retorting as I ran back through Potter Manor on the heels of Sirius. He skidded into the ballroom and after quickly magnifying his voice he shouted out in a frantic panic, "DEATH EATERS ARE LINING THE PROPERTY!"

Everyone froze. The loud chatter, the upbeat music, the joyous laughter all came to a screeching halt as an eerie silence engulfed the ballroom for a mere few seconds.

And then all hell broke loose.

Sirius turned to me, his eyes filled with panic as a swarm of people trampled past us. "Maybe screaming that out to everyone wasn't the wisest decision."

"Probably not, no."

++JAMES++

The only thing on my mind at that moment was finding Lily. And finding her immediately. I didn't care about the Manor, I didn't give a second thought to the thousands of people now milling around in my home, I didn't even think about my friends or coworkers, and I only briefly thought about my family. Hysteria built up inside of me as I tried to remember when or where I had last seen Lily.

As thousands of people swarmed past me into the foyer, I ran against the crowd screaming out Lily's name. Not that it did any good. Everyone else was screaming for their loved ones as well.

"James!"

I whirled around at the sound of my name, my heart sinking when I saw it was just Sydny. "Lafevre, I'm sorry, but I've got to find-"

"Dumbledore and Moody are assembling in the library," she said frantically. "They're trying to gather as many Aurors and Order members that they can. They're looking for you."

"Why am I not surprised that you know about the Order?" I muttered, hesitating slightly. If they were trying to convene in the library with Order members, Lily might be headed there. I changed my direction and hurriedly rushed after Sydny towards the library. When I got there, I barely heard the authoritative words of Dumbledore and Moody. I scanned the crowd of people and saw no red hair or bright green eyes. Panic started to develop in my heart.

I heard Dumbledore mention that we all needed to act calmly and yet as quickly as possible. I barely noticed when he started to mention the onset of a game plan, which had something to do with trying to gather a group of people to ease the fear in the minds of all the guests in the ballroom and to get them to stay put. I knew that staying put was probably the safest option if Death Eaters really were all spread out across the property line. After creating peace in the Manor, I knew the next plan would be to get all Aurors and Order members ready for a potential battle.

"James? James?"

I snapped out of my trance when Sydny nudged me. "Moody," she muttered, nodding in his direction.

"Er, sorry. What? What do you need me to do?" I asked frenetically.

"We need more protective barriers around the Manor and we need them fast," Moody spoke. "You had placed the original charms around your house so we need you to grab a few people and try to keep them holding up for as long as possible."

I knew I couldn't say no. I was the only one who knew of the protective charms lining the property. But I wanted nothing more than to tell him to do it himself so I could rush out and find Lily.

Suddenly Sirius was standing by my side. "We'll come with you," he urged, nodding towards Remus and Peter.

Moody nodded towards Lance and Rafe Gilmore standing right beside him. "You two go on with Potter, too. And-"

"Us, too," Dezzy spoke beside Drew, the terror in her voice undeniable. She was gripping her husband's hand so securely I had a feeling there was no way of breaking them up. Moody nodded his agreement.

I met her gaze and saw fear in her eyes. The same fear that I knew was resting in mine. I reached over and enveloped her in a tight embrace. "Alright," I conceded. "Let's…let's go."

"We'll get word to you when it's time to rush into battle," Moody reassured.

I merely nodded.

"And we'll take care of everyone else, James," Dumbledore spoke firmly. I knew he was talking about Lily but somehow, his words didn't make me feel any less panicked.

As I rushed out of the library, once again to be surrounded by scared, frantic people, Sirius clapped me on the back as my eyes continued to search the corridors for red hair. "James, you tell us what you need us to do and we can take care of it so that you can go find Lily."

"Let's just go," I urged, not wanting to talk or think about Lily.

"If we keep these protective barriers standing," Remus continued, "the rest of the Order and the Aurors can get to the Death Eaters in time before they take one step on to my property. Lily will be alright."

"There's only one flaw in your plan," I muttered, tossing him a sideways glance. "Lily just so happens to be one of those Order members who will be trekking into battle."

Silence enveloped my friends as I directed them out the back door. I saw the flashing lights that I can only presume were from the ends of wands. There had to be at least seventy-five of them, if not a hundred. And yet, the idea of a hundred Death Eaters standing on my property didn't faze me. What fazed me was that the first chance they got, they were going to kill Lily.

I started relaying the protective charms and spells I had used earlier that evening to my friends. They weren't difficult, far from it, but they weren't built to keep out hundreds of people at one time. With just a bit of effort and fight, those Death Eaters would be able to break through the forcefield and ambush my home.

Remus and Peter rushed to the front of the house, Drew and Dezzy took the right side of the property, Rafe and Lance took the left side, which left Sirius and myself to the back of the house. We worked in silence for a few minutes and I was grateful to him for it. While I tried to put all of my concentration into the protective spells, I was finding it increasingly difficult.

Sirius' words broke my hesitant concentration. "Why the hell would they try and attack an Auror Ball? Every single damned Auror in the entire world is stuffed in Potter Manor tonight. We've got to overpower them five men to one, don't you think? They had no idea what to expect so why would they fly so blindly?"

I sighed, raising my wand higher into the air, muttering a few simple Protego Maxima spells. "They're not flying blindly," I murmured, shaking my head. "They had an Inside Man."

Sirius' wand flickered out as he stared at me in horror.

"Sirius," I urged, pointing to his wand's disconnection.

He cringed, crying out with "Fianto Duri!" A wisp of invisible barrier fell from his wand. "Don't go spouting out conspiracy theories, mate," Sirius insisted, shaking his head. "They'll mess with your head."

"They're not theories, they're fact," I muttered irritably. "Repello Inimicum!" My invisible barrier quickly met with Sirius.

"What? What are you talking about?"

I frowned, not really wanting to get into it with Sirius. Just because someone was actively out to get me by way of my friends and family didn't mean I wanted to get them involved in any way. The less he knew the better.

I groaned, realizing that I sounded just like Sydny had when she had refused to tell me anything from the very beginning. "Voldemort wouldn't plan an attack unless it was carefully and strategically calculated. He knew Aurors would be here. And I guarantee someone told him exactly who he would find and how he could go about doing so," I said, my words filled with heavy frustration.

"Prongs," Sirius said softly, his voice filled with concern. I flinched at the old Hogwarts nickname. "There were thousands of people in that magically expanded ballroom today. It could have been anyone."

I didn't bother correcting him. Because when I said there was an Inside Man, I didn't just mean in the ballroom tonight. I meant there was an Inside Man within the Order. I don't know why, but I was sure of it. It explained how Dezzy and Drew were attacked, how my father and Wyatt died, and it explained tonight.

"Dammit, they're fighting these charms quicker than we're able to put them up," I swore, panic once again seeping through my every vein.

"They must know we know they're here," Sirius muttered. "Why aren't they doing anything about it?"

"What do you want them to do?" I snapped. "Retreat? They came to attack and that's what they're going to do."

"Will you quit snapping at me?" Sirius shot back, a glare fixated on his face. "I'm on your side, remember?"

I frowned guiltily. "Sorry, I'm just…" I trailed off. I didn't know what I was.

I felt his hand on my shoulder and I flinched. "Lily's going to be alright, James," he said softly.

I shrugged his hand off of me. "You don't know that," I whispered scathingly. "And you saying so doesn't change that." I shot him a glare before muttering more shielding charms.

He sighed, returning his concentration on to his protective charms and spells, which were becoming increasingly difficult to keep from being obstructed. "Alright, what is with you, James?"

"What are you talk-"

"You have been distant and moody and irritable for about a month now. You're not being yourself. And it's killing all of us to watch you act like this," he snapped.

"Gee, I'm sorry that my attitude doesn't agree with you."

"Bloody hell, James, stop acting so goddamned cynical all the time!"

"We're living in cynical times," I snapped at him, rolling my eyes. "So I think I'm allowed to be cynical."

"By being cynical, you're letting Voldemort and his bloody actions define you," Sirius said, glaring at me. "You're better than that, James."

I didn't respond, focusing my concentration on the hundreds of people I could barely see lining the property. I suddenly felt ridiculous wearing my constrained dress robes and trying to conceal my property by a few protective charms that would last only another ten minutes or so while Dumbledore and Moody gathered Aurors and Order members to apparate behind the Death Eaters in hopes of ambushing their own failed ambush. "C'mon," I muttered, dropping my wand. "Us standing here isn't going to do any good. If there's going to be a fight, we should be involved."

"We will be," Sirius urged. "Moody will get us the message."

Once again, I remained mute. Truth was, it wasn't the fight I wanted to be involved in. While I had always actively been advocating for the chance to destroy Voldemort and his pathetic Death Eaters, this was the first time I didn't have the fight in me. I just wanted to see Lily. I wanted to protect her and save her from whatever harm they wanted to inflict upon her. She was my one true concern.

And that's when I froze. I realized that for the first time in four years, I wasn't thinking about the cause. I wasn't thinking about the Order and how I could help to abolish as many Death Eaters as possible. I wasn't thinking about protecting myself and keeping myself safe. I wasn't thinking about doing as Dumbledore and Moody asked. I was doing the one thing Dumbledore had warned us all about from the very beginning. I was putting someone else before me. Before all of us. And in a time of war, that was the most dangerous thing any one of us could do.

But knowing that one of Voldemort's main targets was Lily, what else was I supposed to do?

"James."

I turned towards Sirius. "What?"

"Are you alright?" he said alarmingly, probably noting the fact that all color just drained from my face. "You look like you're about to be sick."

I glanced towards Potter Manor where Lily was still inside somewhere. And then I glanced towards the edge of the property where the Death Eaters all stood. I thought of Brite and JT and Wyatt and my father and Caleb all dying for the cause. I thought of Dumbledore admitting that Voldemort was after me and my family. I thought of Lily. And eventually I shook my head. "No, Sirius," I whispered. "No, I'm not alright. But I'm about to fix that."

Sirius didn't even have a chance to ask me what I meant by that before I was taking off across the back lawn and rushing towards the Death Eaters, determined to fight whoever I needed to fight to get my life back.

The life I wanted to live, not the one I was forced to live.

++FRANK++

Moody, with the help of the French Head of the Auror Department, were barking orders at all of us still residing in the library, ready for battle. There were over a hundred of us in that room, all itching to get our hands on our wands and start fighting some goddamned Death Eaters. Dumbledore and McGonagall with the help of Mrs. Potter and Nora Gilmore were all taking charge in the ballroom. They had convinced most of the guests to remain where they were. And as far as I know, Dumbledore and a handful of others were now stealthily apparating to the edge of the property to get a better idea of what we were headed into.

Moody's demands were interrupted by Sirius rushing into the library. "James is going after them!" he said breathlessly, his eyes widening in shock.

Silence filled the room before Moody's angry voice rang out. "What?"

"He ran towards the edge of the property! He's going to fight them now!"

"He did what!?" Moody shouted, his eyes bulging out of his head. "Oh, I am going to murder that kid with my bare hands!"

Sirius let out a weak smile. "Shouldn't we go after him first?" he said with a tad bit of humor. Unfortunately, this situation was far from humorous.

"Yes," Scrimgeour spoke up behind Moody. "It's time for battle."

Moody frowned at the order from his boss but merely nodded. "I guess it has to be," he agreed, his eyes filled with determination. "Remember, everyone. Constant vigilance! Now that we know they're there, we need to do everything in our power to keep them from taking one step on to the Potter property line. Stay paired up at all times and don't split off unless absolutely necessary. We need to keep us all in check! Just because we have more men than them doesn't mean they won't overtake us if given the opportunity. Alright, let's go!"

He wasn't about to let one of his own be thrown straight into a death trap even if we haven't heard anything back from Dumbledore yet on what to expect. I guess we were just going to jump in blindly and hope for the best. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't help but glance over at Alice beside me, who looked just as determined as I did. Being an Auror and a member of the Order, we were trained to be prepared for a fight. But while her eyes showed determination, her forced smile wavered slightly and I knew there was still a bit of fear residing in her heart. There was fear residing in my mine as well. Thankfully, this might have been the first time we've ever had a chance of a bit of pre-planning before rushing into any sort of battle so none of us could complain.

Then again, we've never rushed into a battle with a hundred Death Eaters before.

Suddenly the library was emptying out as a rush of Aurors and Order members fell from the room, all ready to fight to the death.

"Frank!"

I was about to follow the crowd when I heard the sound of my name coming from Sirius' lips. "What?" I asked, confused.

"Where is Lily?" he demanded breathlessly, his eyes filled with concern.

"I'm right here, Sirius!" she said, anger spewing from her words.

We both whirled around, wondering when she had shown up. "Where the hell have you been!?" he snapped, enveloping her into an embrace as if he were afraid she wasn't real. "James is worried sick about you!"

"THEN WHY THE HELL WOULD HE RUN HEAD STRAIGHT INTO A BLOODY AMBUSH!" I cringed as her words reverberated off the library bookshelves.

Sirius cringed. "Hell if I know!" he growled. "C'mon, we've got to get out there."

Tears filled Lily's eyes as Sirius reached for her hand before we all followed the crowd of people out of Potter Manor. I was surprised to see that the protective barriers were still in place. It was smart of us to push the fight out towards the forest along the backyard of Potter Manor in order to keep the thousands of innocent families now hiding out in the ballroom as safe as possible. I just hoped that we could keep the battle out on the property line. Because the moment even one Death Eater got through, we would all be completely screwed.

I was grateful that Alice was standing right beside me. I reached for her hand and watched as an all-out war began. "You would never rush into battle without telling me first if you had the chance, would you?" she asked me softly.

I was suddenly struck at how beautiful she looked in her gold dress robes, illuminated by the half-moon. I leaned over and kissed her quickly. "No," I whispered. "I would never do that."

She squeezed my hand and pulled out her wand. "C'mon," she said. "Let's go kick some Death Eater ass."

I wanted to laugh but I was too devastated to do so. There were more Death Eaters than I would have assumed. I just prayed that by outnumbering them we could beat this.

Because Merlin knows it was a toss-up between who would be doing the outsmarting.

++LILY++

If James wasn't already dead, I was going to have to kill him myself once we got out of this.

If I had known trying to calmly direct innocent families, specifically those with children, out of the ballroom and into less conspicuous rooms of the house was going to cause my boyfriend to give himself up to the Death Eaters, I maybe would have considered passing along that task to Kay instead.

As I searched the forest for James, it was obvious that while the Death Eaters thought they were to catch us by surprise, it was us that took over this ambush. I saw Dumbledore in the far distance fighting off three cloaked men and doing it rather well. He always looked so majestic when he was dueling. Moody was shooting off spells so quickly, the two guys he was fighting had no time to even think as they went down with a few panicked shrieks. I saw a Death Eater slammed to the floor by Mundungus Fletcher, another one thrown across the forest by Dorcas Meadowes, one Death Eater crashing into a tree with the help of Gideon Prewett, and I watched as an explosion of bright light caused a tree branch to break free from an old oak tree and slam into a few bystanders. I didn't have enough time to see if it had the bad guys or good guys that had gotten hit because my eyes were still actively searching for James.

I watched in horror as the Cruciatus curse was thrown upon Caradoc Dearborn. I quickly stunned the Death Eater who was torturing Dearborn and rushed over. "Stupefy!" I shouted as another hooded figure tried advancing upon us. He crumpled to the floor and Dearborn nodded his gratitude. He scrambled to get back up, trying to shake off the tortured feeling he had just endured. As I helped him up, I noticed Remus, Peter, Dezzy, and Drew rushing into the forest, spouting out spells by the second. I was grateful to see them all, but knew that with them on site, the protective barriers could only hold for so long. We needed to prove to these Death Eaters that they chose the wrong people to mess with.

I screamed and ducked as a shot of green light fell through the air. Green light was definitely not a good sign. "Petrifocus Totalus!" I shot back, watching as a hooded man toppled to the ground. I dodged a stinging spell (wondering why someone was bothering to use a puny stinging spell when they were clearly not against using Unforgiveable curses), and watched as Death Eaters everywhere felt the wrath of Aurors and Order members. Spells and curses were flying through the air. Some more harmful than others, but one thing was obvious: we were all out for blood.

I continued my search for James, running deeper and deeper into the forest and speeding past duelers of all ethnicities. French, German, Australian, American Aurors everywhere were taking down masked figures. At least they were smart to wear masks. Any Death Eater whose identity would have been revealed would have been sought after and sure would have been sent straight to Azkaban without so much as a trial as immediately feasible.

Marlene McKinnon passed in front of me, ducking as a jet of orange light nearly hit her. "Lily!" she said. "Spread the word, they're starting to retreat," she said, shooting a stunning spell over my shoulder towards a Death Eater. "They were expecting to ambush us, not hundreds of Aurors prepared to fight. There are too many of us now for them to fight back!"

Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better. "Have you seen James?" I asked.

She shook his head. "No, sorry."

I shrugged and rushed past her, delving further into the forest frantically. I noted that Marlene had been right. While the good guys continue to pursue the Death Eaters, more than enough of them were apparating before they could be ganged up on. Most of the good guys were starting to retreat back to the property, which was a good sign. But I was still determined to find James.

I watched Fabian blast two hooded figures into the air, a scathing scowl on his face. As he turned away from the two unconscious men, he met my gaze. His eyes widened. "Lily," he said breathlessly, rushing over to me. "James is back there but he's—Lily! Stop! Don't go after him! Lily!"

I barely heard his words after he had pointed in the direction of James, not caring about whatever warning it was he was trying to heed. I needed to find James.

As I sprinted deeper into the woods, I halted immediately when I realized what it was Fabian was trying to say.

Because when I finally did catch up to James, he was dueling the one and only Lord Voldemort.

A/N: Hm, so it's not just Lily who is noticing James' distant behavior? And who thinks that is the last we are going to hear from Jillian? What else is Keegan hiding? And how are James and Lily going to survive a fight against Lord Voldemort? Only one way to find out... Stay tuned!