A/N: Hi. If anyone is reading this and it's not making sense, I didn't really clarify before but this is the third part of what I wrote years ago. If you haven't read the first two, it's probably not going to make any sense at all. I don't remember why exactly I stopped working on it before, but it kept clawing its way back into my brain, so here it is. Third installment.

2. Convalescence

"That was amazing!" John yelled before pouring whiskey down his throat. "You two going to stay and party?"

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Fuck no. Unless you want us to give the club a show of a very different nature than the one we just did."

He looked me over. "I wouldn't mind watching. Could you imagine the headlines we'd see tomorrow?"

I saw Seth so I grabbed him on my way back to the green room. I put on my leather jacket and started throwing my other belongings into my tote bag.

"What's the rush?" he inquired with a smirk.

"I want you naked in a room with an actual bed," I answered honestly, eyeing the one ratty couch in the room. It had probably seen a lot of action.

"Are you going to put on pants?"

I looked down. "That's probably a good idea," I laughed. I dug around in the mess that I had just placed into my bag. "We have to walk."

"Why? Can't we get a cab?"

I smiled at him. "I want to walk. It's not far."

I danced around on the dark sidewalk, watching the foggy curls my breath created. "What a night! Did you have fun?"

"Watching you bounce around and rock out on stage is definitely in my top five favorite things," he replied. "Watching you bounce around not on stage is another." He smiled crookedly at me. "What can I say? I'm a simple man."

I swung around and around a light post by one arm. "How's everything going back home?"

"Good, mostly. Leah is having a rough pregnancy. Ana said she's coming to see you next week."

"Is Josh coming?"

"I don't know, babe. They seem fine, though. They usually hole up for days at a time having some kind of epic fuck fest. It's pretty gross," he chuckled.

I frowned. "I miss you guys."

"We miss you, too. I miss you." He turned towards me and gave me one of those looks that lit my soul on fire. "How have you been?"

"Eh. You know." Our steps slowed and I had no choice but to meet his gaze.

"Have you heard from your lawyer?"

"Yeah. Lucky I'm in New York, it's decriminalized here. He said it'll go away with a bit of cash."

"Lucky," he nodded. We began to walk again.

"It does make me really nervous, though. I'm being examined under a public microscope." And had way too many secrets.

"Yeah, about that... I went to visit my mom before my flight and Charlie really laid into me."

I started to laugh and stopped again to get a cigarette. Seth blocked the wind for me and said, "He said he's going to watch you when you come home."

"Home," I sighed. "Well. What do you want me to do?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Just watch out, I guess. I don't want you getting into any trouble."

I winked at him. "Trouble is my middle name, baby. Our hotel is right there," I pointed.

We held hands as we crossed the street. Once we were safe in our room, there was no holding back. Our lives had been chaos since I started touring and we couldn't get enough of each other. I was always working and partying. What I thought was going to be two months of traveling and shows somehow turned into six months, tons more shows plus interviews and a much larger obligation to fans. We didn't even talk everyday anymore.

We stripped each other bare and cracked a bottle of champagne, but we didn't take the time to have more than a sip each. I needed to feel him... I was trembling beneath his touch. When he kissed me, I couldn't stop from moaning into his mouth. When he entered me, my nails dug so deeply into his back that I could smell the blood.

We lay there afterwards, our breath ragged, our hearts pounding in our chests. I didn't want to move. I didn't ever want to leave this moment... but I came down from my high.

That was the thing about Seth; he was my absolute favorite high, but the comedown was such a fucking bitch. Like glass in my insides.

I got up and sat at the small desk in the room to smoke. "Want me to go outside?"

"No," he said sleepily. "I don't want either of us to ever leave this room."

I laughed. "Honey, have you actually looked at this room?"

He sat up and scanned our surroundings. "It's... well, it's pretty horrible. Were you planning on trashing this one? Because, honestly, I'm not sure they'd be able to tell if you did."

"Seth! That wasn't even me!" I giggled. "I mean, I may have started it by throwing that television out the window, but that was my only contribution to that mess."

"You incited a small riot, Liz." His phone buzzed and he checked it. "Look, it's us."

It sure was. Another speculation note on who exactly my mystery guy was.

"Still refusing to talk about me to the press?" he asked.

"I don't want them going after you like they do me. I just feel like it's only a matter of time before someone spills."

He smiled beautifully and looked up at me. "This one says I'm sexy. 'Liz Collins steps out after a gig with her band with a sexy mystery man'."

I shook my head at him. "Do you have me tagged for notifications?"

"I made Jared set it up for me. I thought he had screwed it up at first because my phone was going off constantly."

I climbed back into bed with him and he snuggled me close. "I don't know why you read all that crap."

"I don't," he said quickly. "I read some stuff, some stuff I don't. The stories aren't important. Seeing your name and pictures of you all the time makes me feel closer to you in a way. Especially since you cut me down from at least one conversation a day."

"Seth..."

"I know, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just miss you. Sometimes it's really hard."

I sighed. "I'm off tour soon. Very soon. I don't know what I'm going to do after." I turned to see his face. "Part of me wants to just stay home. Part of me... " wants to be a rock n' roller. Part of me needs to get lost in dope and music and crowds of people yelling that they love me, connecting to me. Part of me couldn't stand the thought of going back to my once cozy little home.

"I miss her, too," he said quietly. "I should have told you at midnight... Happy twenty first birthday, Elizabeth."

I tried to smile and failed miserably. He kissed my head and turned away as I got up to get the champagne. When I returned to the bed, he presented me with a small, flat, gift wrapped box. I opened it up to find a gift certificate to me usual tattoo parlor back in Washington and a hand drawn clip of paper that read "Lillyana".

"We'll match," he said.

I gently closed the box and wept for the loss of our beautiful daughter.