The weeks passed uneventfully, much to the happiness of everyone under the Mountain. Scant time passed before Thorin prohibited Ila from any further training with Kili, but she did not fight him. She counted it a great victory that he'd let her train at all with a Durin on the way. But she still went in the mornings to watch Kili practice, and Zahra much enjoyed watching Fili in the arena as well. And then afterwards Kili would spend the majority of the day entertaining Ila and keeping her company as he did the last time she was with child.
Dwala accompanied them these days, she deciding it was time to return to her duties, but Ila had beseeched Thorin to keep Zahra at her side and continually under the Mountain. Her argument had been that two baby Durins would require lots of attention, and so would she for the foreseeable future. Thorin took surprisingly little to convince, and Ila, pleased with the outcome, did not question it. Thorin knew why Ila wanted to keep Zahra; there was no questioning it when she and Fili were in the same room together, sly though they thought they were. But he liked having another pair of eyes about his queen, which was his main motivation for agreeing to such and so easily. Even if he didn't really have anything to worry about. It made Ila happy, and so it was easily agreed to.
Summer had given way to Fall, and Ila had only one month left with child. It was early in the evening but after supper, and she was sitting by a fire in one of the family sitting rooms. She had her hand on her large belly, rubbing it absently where Thorin's own great hand did not cover it. He was sitting in a chair next to her, a book in one hand and his other on Ila's womb.
Ila looked on happily as Kili lay on his stomach upon the floor, bidding Thora to toddle towards him and not his mother, who was sitting across from her brother and sister-in-law. She was knitting a new blanket for Thora as she was getting so big now, and alternating looking at it and her son and niece.
Thorin alternated looking at his book and his nephew. He smiled at his wife and went back to reading, his hand staying protectively where it was, though no one gave him any reason to be so protective.
Outside the Mountain the sun was setting, beautiful pinks and reds painted the sky as the autumn chill was setting in for the night. On one of the cliffs, Zahra reclined between Fili's legs. She had slipped on trousers before they snuck out of the Mountain, for ease of climbing and to protect against the cold. Her head rested on his chest, his chin leaning into her temple and his braids tickling her. They were both smoking their pipes, savoring the taste and gently blowing out the smoke into the darkening sky above them.
"We should go in soon. I don't want you catching cold."
"I am fine, and too comfortable to move just yet." Zahra replied.
Fili took his pipe in his mouth and rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm them. Zahra closed her eyes and lay in her love's arms, enjoying the quiet and the solitude.
Fili looked about him. Tonight was perfect. The scenery was so beautiful, and so was his Zahra. Perhaps tonight was the night- to finally tell her he loved her.
They both knew it, they both felt it. But neither of them had said it. He didn't expect her to go first; it was his place to make a declaration. But he couldn't imagine her not returning his sentiments. Sometimes he doubted himself, and thought he was too confident.
Fili gently nuzzled her ear, kissing her gently behind her earlobe. She giggled and let her eyes remain shut.
Fili felt his heart beating hard in his throat. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He only had to say them.
"I love you," he whispered gently into her ear, so soft she barely heard it at all.
Zahra's eyes fluttered open, and she stared out at the sunset for the briefest of moments before turning towards him.
"As I love you," she whispered back into his lips. Fili leaned forward and joined their lips in a seal of their love. Neither of them said anything else, but stayed where they were until well after the sun had disappeared below the horizon, and a million stars lit the sky above them.
The next morning it was very early when Thorin woke Ila by parting from her embrace. She moaned and shifted, lying on her side. She was indeed bigger than last time, further confirming her hopes for a boy. She wiggled and turned, trying to find any comfortable position in her condition and fall back asleep.
Thorin began to dress for the day, quietly so as not to disturb mother or child. Thora was asleep still too, as Thorin peered down lovingly at her while fastening his trousers. He would call for Dwala immediately, since today he felt Ila should not rise from bed at all. It was time for her confinement. She was larger than last time and had been more active during this pregnancy, he wanted to risk nothing.
Walking back over to her, he sat gently on the bed and brushed the hair from her face.
Ila stirred, barely opening her eyes to peer up at him.
He kissed her lips and she barely reciprocated, being very tired still.
"I think today my love, you should remain in bed for good." Thorin said quietly, his hand on her belly.
Ila didn't argue, but nodded groggily, then turned back to her pillow and closed her eyes once more. Thorin smiled and rose to leave. He had half expected her to protest even half asleep. His love did have some fire in her, after all. And the Durin heir in her belly wasn't helping.
Ila woke sometime later, somehow even more uncomfortable. She forced herself to sit up and looked towards Thora's crib. Dwala was sitting next to it, Thora in her arms, trying to coax her into drinking from a cup. She was not having it.
"Oh, my little love. You still want your mother's breast."
"She'll soon be competing for that." Dwala said.
Ila smiled at her roundness and rubbed it through her thin nightgown.
"Yes, and he will have a most voracious appetite I believe."
"Speaking of that, breakfast should be up directly. Thorin indicated that today is the start of your confinement…" Dwala said slowly and looked up to gauge Ila's reaction. She knew it was very possibly that Thorin decided this without bothering to tell her.
"Oh yes, I am surprised he let me go this long. And to tell the truth I do not much feel like moving about anyway." Ila said trying to arrange the pillows in some way that would make her comfortable.
The door opened and Ila expected to see breakfast, but Kili came in. "It's the invalid!" he exclaimed, in part to hide his shock of her state. Her nightgown left little to the imagination. The sight of her so pregnant still made him a bit uncomfortable for reasons he could not explain.
"Are you going to call me that again? For the whole month to come?" Ila asked.
"Well of course," he said smiling, and went straight to Dwala to take Thora from her. Thora stretched out her arms for him as soon as she saw him, she so loved her Uncle Kili.
Kili sat on the bedside with Thora on his lap, her doll in one hand.
"Do you ever put down your dolly little one?"
"You know she does not. It is her favorite thing."
"I am glad she likes it so. If only all females were so easy to please."
"Ha! That begs an explanation."
"Oh, nothing in particular brought that on. Just a general observation." Kili continued to smile and play with Thora. Dwala was busying herself around the room and Zahra was absent which Kili noticed.
"Where is Zahra? Shouldn't you have both of your ladies tending to the three of you?" Kili inclined his head at Ila and her belly.
"She is tending to the laundry. Between Thora and I there is much of it, what with her growing so fast."
"Ah, I thought Zahra might be elsewhere." Kili said with a raised eyebrow.
Ila caught his meaning. "She is undertaking her official duties, and not what you mean to suggest." Ila replied with a smile.
"I see that you convinced Uncle that you needed an extra maid….though I doubt Fili would have let her leave had you not."
"I don't know what you mean," Ila said but she obviously did. Kili smiled and laid flat of the bed with Thora held over his head. She kicked and laughed and tried to grab his face.
"She is trying to speak I think." Kili said.
"I think you are right, but it is still a bit early for that." Ila replied. "I wonder that she will say mother or father first. I think Thorin will be heartbroken if it's not father."
Dwala laughed at having heard that, believing Ila was right.
"Where is your dwarfling then Dwala?" Kili asked.
"With his father and uncle. Balin is already giving him history lessons I am sure." She answered.
Kili chuckled, then sat Thora down on his chest. She sat contently wrapping her fingers around Kili's own.
He looked over to Ila sitting and facing him, as he was laying parallel to her on the bed. She was looking at her belly and caressing it gently.
Even heavily pregnant, he found it hard not to stare at her. He reached over and laid his hand on her belly too.
"Is the heir awake?"
"No, it's daytime so naturally he's sleeping. But when I try to go to sleep tonight he will start kicking like a bull."
Kili smiled, and as she said felt no kicks or movement under his hand. It was such a strange sensation, but he liked it. He remembered the first time he felt Thora kick under his hand.
"You know, it's too bad that you're bedridden these days, since the tournament is in a few days."
"Tournament? What tournament?" Ila asked.
"I heard Dwalin talking about that. It is just for show, now that the wars are over. And to keep everyone well trained and on their toes, you know." Dwala said.
"Why has no one mentioned it to me?" Ila inquired.
"Well it's not intentional, I mean you have bigger and better things to consider." Kili said as he gently and ever so barely poked her stomach from where he lay.
"And I didn't mention it because I knew you'd want to go…" Dwala said frowning from where she was folding clothes.
"Oh, I am sure that is why Thorin has not mentioned it, afraid that I will beg to go." Ila said sadly.
Kili frowned, wanting her to come. He would be competing and he'd love to show off for her. But he would love to have her around anyway since he always wanted her around.
"Is Dwalin competing?" Ila asked her friend.
"Oh yes, though I think he would make a better judge."
"Thorin will judge I'm sure." Kili said.
Ila was already hard at work thinking about how to convince Thorin to let her attend the tournament. She had to let both her ladies attend- their respective counterparts would be competing after all and she wouldn't have them shut up upstairs on her account. She'd think of something.
Not far from there, Fili was having an early lunch with his mother in her chambers, and not doing what Kili had hinted at.
"Thank you for dining in with me my love, I don't get to see you nearly as much as I would like anymore."
"I know mother, I am sorry for it, but I am never far should you need me. You know I will come anytime you wish to see me." Fili assured her as he took a drink.
"Yes, but I am afraid that another female has replaced me in your affections."
Fili nearly choked trying to sit the cup down.
"Mother—I don't know what you mean." He tried to save himself.
"You are a terrible liar dear. Kili is much better at it." Dis said calmly.
"Mother, no one could possibly replace you in my heart. I don't know how you can accuse me of such."
"I know my dear," Dis said, putting a hand over his. "But I also know you have been even harder to find than usual lately, and I have seen the way you and Ila's maid stare at each other."
Fili swallowed hard. His mother was right; he was a terrible liar. And he couldn't lie to her face, and about something which he was so passionate.
"Mother, I assure you neither of us have done anything dishonorable."
Dis smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Fili, I do not worry about you. Kili, yes. But you, never."
Fili relaxed a bit, but not entirely. He still didn't know what she made of Zahra.
"Is she worthy of you?" Dis asked, more serious now.
Fili looked his mother square in the eyes, and calmly responded.
"Yes, mother. I am only afraid I am not worthy of her."
Dis almost made a face that would very likely have upset Fili, as she clearly believed her son too good for any maiden that might seek his fancy. Fili could tell that his mother held back any such statement for his own sake.
Fili waited while his mother considered what she would say next, trying to tread lightly as she could tell the maiden meant a great deal to him.
"She has no royal or noble blood my son? Do you think your uncle would let you take such a dwarf to wed?"
"Grandfather let you marry a common dwarf, did he not?" Fili replied without hesitation.
He saw her mother's eyes widen and then close for a moment, suddenly filled with sadness.
"I'm so sorry mother, I didn't-"
"No son, your father was no noble dwarf lord. But then I was the third born and a girl, I could never inherit, and so it mattered not whom I married, in the eyes of my father and more importantly my grandfather. I was allowed to marry for love."
It was Fiil's turn to tread lightly now he felt.
"But mother I won't inherit either. Ila is due to give birth to an heir in less than a month."
"Anything can happen my love. She may surprise us all and birth another girl, she may die in the birthing bed with her babe, she may have a boy that never sees adulthood or the crown. None of which I hope happens of course, but I say these things because they are what your uncle will undoubtedly be considering with regards to your eventual marriage. You were the heir apparent for many years, you forget."
Fili rose from the table and walked to the fireplace to lean over it. He was upset but did not want to argue with is mother.
"But Kili. I suppose Kili will be able to marry whom he chooses." Fili said without looking at his mother.
Dis sighed. "Perhaps not whomever he chooses…but it will matter much less." Dis admitted and it pained her to do so.
Fili turned around, becoming angry and a bit desperate with his mother.
"And you are so sure that uncle won't approve? What reason could he have to oppose her?"
Dis shifted in her chair. "He has said nothing to me about it, we haven't discussed it at all. He may not even be aware of you two, he's not your mother and not perceptive about such things. You know how dense he can be at times. But, I just don't want you to be too disappointed should he not grant what you are hoping for. You are still so very young my love."
"Ila is younger than me, and a wife and a mother already!" he rounded on her.
"She is a female my dear and a queen, it is her duty and the very reason for her existence." Dis answered him calmly.
Fili was pacing, becoming more distraught by the idea that Zahra might be kept from him forever. He really hadn't thought it was such a big deal, or really possible.
"Darling, please calm down. Thorin may agree to the arrangement, if it is what you really want." Dis tried to calm him, surprised by how upset he was.
Fili looked at his mother but said nothing. The look in his eyes nearly broke her heart.
"Fili," she said softly, getting up and going to him. "Does she really mean that much to you?"
Fili looked back at his mother, startled that she had to ask.
"Yes," he almost whispered.
Dis felt her heart aching for him, her first born, her strong and noble and responsible son. He was the rock, and Kili was the water wildly splashing all about it.
"Well then," she said lowly, "I will have to make an effort to know her better. She must be remarkable indeed." Dis said and smiled warmly at her son, who finally smiled back at her.
"She is mother. You must entreat uncle for me, when the time comes."
Dis nodded that she would, and kissed her son on his forehead, though she had to rise on her tiptoes to do so.
Ila had spent the entire day thinking on how to convince Thorin to let her go to the tournament. Exciting things only seemed to happen when it was time for her lying in. She didn't want to make him angry though, so she needed to approach it carefully.
When Thorin arrived Dwala had already gone to care for her own dwarfling, and Zahra was there tidying up and tending to Thora.
"My love," Thorin said with a smile as he leaned over and kissed Ila on the lips.
Zahra was about to lay Thora in her crib but Thorin held his arms out to take her. She handed the princess to her father and they exchanged a moment's glance where she told him there was nothing to tell, as there never was. He gave her a nearly imperceptible nod and dismissed her.
Zahra made sure Ila needed nothing else and bid her goodnight as she took her leave. Ila smiled, knowing where she would be headed. She then turned her attention to her husband and daughter.
Thorin was smiling widely at Thora, bouncing her and telling her how much he'd missed her that day and how beautiful she was. Thora was laughing and stretching out her hands for his beard like always.
Ila watched them lovingly, until a hard kick hit her in the ribs.
She groaned a bit, rubbing her left side.
"Someone is awake?" Thorin asked, coming over to sit next to her.
"Yes, you know how he is. Sleeps all day then wakes up restless at night, right when I want to fall asleep." Ila replied.
Thorin held Thora to him with one strong arm so he could rub Ila's belly.
"That is very naughty of you. I'll not have this sleeping all day and bouncing around all night once you are out of there." Thorin spoke to her belly.
As though on cue, a defiant kick landed where his hand lay.
Ila laughed, half at the timing of the kick and half at the look of surprise on her husband's face.
"It must be a boy. Look how he challenges you already." She said.
"He is full of fire, this one." Thorin said of their unborn, then turned his attention back to their daughter. "Unlike my perfect little princess."
"What did the two of you do today?" Thorin asked his wife.
"Oh, not much. Kili kept me company but spent most of the time playing with Thora. She is rather tired as you can see."
"Yes, which means she should sleep through the night." Thorin said with some relief. Now that Ila was so heavily pregnant, he had to get up if Thora woke in the night. But he would rather do that than call for someone else.
Thorin laid on his back next to Ila with Thora on his chest, letting his boots hang off the bed. He would take them off when he got up to put Thora in her crib, but wanted to cuddle with her before she fell asleep.
"I should have more time soon, to devote to Thora and yourself during the day." Thorin said.
"You mean after the tournament is over? I am sure the planning is taking up some of your time." Ila asked with a bit of an accusing tone.
Thorin mentally winced. He knew she would find out eventually.
"I am not exactly planning it, I have many concerns to tend to you know."
"Obviously since you haven't even thought to tell me about it."
"Wife, it's not something I thought you would care much about." Thorin lied, and braced for her attack.
"Thorin, you know I would be interested. And that I would want to be there, which is precisely why you have not mentioned it to me."
Thorin closed his eyes and continued to cuddle his dwarfling, letting her say what she wanted.
"Thorin, are you even listening to me?"
"Of course I am."
"Can I go then?"
"Of course not."
"Thorin," Ila began to complain.
"Ila," Thorin opened his eyes and looked towards her. "You have begun your lying in. You have no business venturing down to the arena and sitting there for hours, while all manner of noise and commotion occur around you and the baby."
Thorin was trying to be calm and reasonable, he did not want to fight with her or upset her in her advanced condition.
"But I have not seen a tournament here in Erebor. And Fili and Kili will be competing. And so will Dwalin, and I cannot keep Dwala and Zahra here with me and not allow them to see."
"Why should Zahra missing the tournament trouble you?" Thorin asked, though he knew well why.
"I- well she has never seen one, and will naturally want to go."
"You mean she wants to see Fili." Thorin corrected.
"Well…..why should she not want to see Fili? Why should any maiden not want to?" Ila was not going to out the couple if Thorin did not already know about them.
"I suppose I will have to have a talk with him soon. I can't have him producing a royal bastard. And don't worry I've already had that talk with Kili."
"Thorin! Fili would never dishonor any maid that way, and Zahra would never allow herself to be so dishonored!" Ila began to protest vehemently.
"You don't know what it is like to be a young male. Your desires can easily get the best of you."
"Oh really?" Ila raised an eyebrow.
Thorin narrowed his eyes at her. "I of course never lost control of myself, but not everyone is as strong and disciplined as I."
"Oh, no. Of course not." Ila replied unconvinced.
"So should I be worried?"
"About Zahra and Fili? No."
"But she will be heartbroken if she cannot see Fili compete?"
Ila said nothing for a moment, but looked at her husband who stared back at her.
"Yes Thorin I believe she would be very upset."
"So they are an item—"
"Perhaps, and what would be wrong with that?" Ila snapped back.
"She has no royal or noble blood."
"How can that matter?"
"Fili is very important. He was first in line for the throne until I married you. Then our princess came into the world and he was yet again first in line."
"AND NOW," Ila cut in, "he is not." She said firmly placing both hands on her belly.
Thorin saw how angry she was becoming and rolled over to face her, Thora now setting between them.
"Darling, calm down." He insisted, rubbing her belly. "I have no doubt that my heir is in your belly. But Fili is still important, to the line of Durin, to this kingdom, and to all our people. I cannot just let him marry whomever." Thorin urged her to understand.
"Well then to whom do you propose to marry him? Aside from Thora there are no more princesses among our people, and he certainly could never marry her."
"He could…" Thorin said to be the devil's advocate, but stopped when he saw the flames burning behind Ila's eyes.
"I have no one in mind for the job my dear. But the daughter of a rich and powerful dwarf lord, from another kingdom, it would be advantageous."
"His own father was not of royal blood." Ila pointed out.
Thorin sighed. He knew that was coming. "No, he was not. Dis was the third born and only girl, grandfather never imagined that the crown might fall to her children. And after we were exiled she was so depressed, he just wanted her to be happy and he let her marry for love."
"But then Frerin died, and father was lost, and grandfather himself passed, and I had too many things to worry about to even think about a wife. And the boys were the only heirs left of Durin."
Thorin explained this but he knew that Ila was well aware. He also knew that despite knowing all of this it made no difference to her in the face of love.
"But Thorin, think of how many more dwarflings we will have. I have given you two in nearly no time at all. I am sure we will have many more sons." She tried to persuade him.
"And I am sure you are right. But not everyone can marry for love. We did not, as you may recall."
"No, I married you because it was my duty."
"But you love me, do you not wife?"
"You know that I love you more than anything, save our dwarflings."
"And I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone, but we did not start off that way. Why can it not be that way for Fili?"
"We are very lucky my dear, that we were brought together by duty and alliance but happened to fall deeply in love." Ila pointed out.
"I agree, but you see my point."
Ila said nothing but pursed her lips and looked away from him.
Thorin noted her reaction, and knowing what he did about Zahra and her desire to stay in Erebor, realized the situation must be more serious than he'd even thought.
"Are they in love then?" Thorin asked quietly.
"Neither has said such to me, but it would not surprise me to discover such a thing." Ila confessed.
"Well then," Thorin began, "I shall have to have a talk with him either way."
"Will you at least consider it?" Ila pleaded with him.
"Yes," he sighed and kissed her hand. "Yes my love." He replied and was confident that the conversation was over and picked Thora up again to cuddle.
"So, can I go?" Ila asked once more.
"I thought I answered that question already?"
"You did and then tried to distract me with an argument about Fili and Zahra."
"I never, EVER, seek to argue with you wife." Thorin assured her.
"Well, we argued all the same. And now we are going to argue again it seems."
"Ila," Thorin said exasperated, "why must we go through this?"
"Because you are yet again being unreasonable! The baby isn't due for nearly a month!"
"It will be another week until the tournament, then he will be but two weeks away."
"Then, have Oin examine me the morning of the tournament. If he advises against it, then I will remain here happily."
Thorin rolled his eyes.
"I saw that."
Thorin sighed. "Ila, I don't need Oin to tell me anything. You are too close. And all that excitement, not to mention how long it would take you to walk there—"
"Thorin you are being ridiculous. And I haven't even begun to drop yet."
Thorin closed his eyes and didn't argue with her further. A tiny little voice in the back of his mind asked him if she wanted to go so badly to see Kili….but she had made no mention of him. Though, if she were trying to be sly, she wouldn't mention him. Still, this seemed inadequate evidence.
"You aren't going to let this go are you?"
Ila gazed at him confidently and he stared back, waiting for her to break. She did not, and he did not want to upset her and knew that she would remain upset until he gave in to her wishes.
"You are so feisty these days…" Thorin mused. "It must be a boy in your belly."
"Thorin, I need not have a boy in my womb to be put out with you." Ila corrected him.
Thorin sighed deeply, and relented.
"I suppose, if Oin says you are well enough, I will allow you to come down to the tournament. But you must immediately return to our chambers. And do not take this to mean that you may get up and down and go about every day until you give birth; this is my one and only exception."
Thorin made sure he spelled out exactly what his relinquishing to Ila's request meant. Her eyes brightened and he could see her spirits rising.
"Really? I can go to the tournament?" She asked excitedly, not yet believing he gave in so easy.
"Yes, that is what I said my love, but you heard the rest of it too, did you not?" Thorin wanted to be sure.
"Yes my love. I do not wish to run about the Mountain. I can assure you I don't feel like moving that much anyway."
Thorin was pleased that she was in agreement, and drew closer to her with their princess. He pulled her to him with one arm around her and together they held their Thora to them, delighted in her and the imminent arrival of yet another dwarfling. Husband and wife argued no more that night, and cuddled until queen and princess were both tired, and Thorin placed the latter in her crib. Ila lay on her side, with many pillows stuffed around her for comfort, and Thorin slipped in bed behind her and laid an arm around her. He was fast asleep, but it came harder for Ila these days. But her heart was happy, as she and her ladies would get to go to the tournament, much to their delight.
The next day, Dis was sitting with Ila to keep her company, as Kili had asked her too, busy preparing for the tournament now that it was but a week away. It was apparently the talk of the entire kingdom, not that Ila would know.
"I have to admit, I am surprised you convinced Thorin to let you go to the tournament." Dis said while playing with Thora on her lap.
"It took some coaxing, but he relented."
"My the changes you have brought about in him; I would not have thought some of them possible." Dis mused.
Ila smiled. "It has been a slow process."
"I would have thought dwarflings would make him even more worrisome and protective."
"He is very protective. I often have to remind him that I am a dwarf, not one of his many possessions but he still forgets."
Dis smiled and thought of darker days, and how Ila didn't know that side of Thorin. She hoped that it would never resurface that sickness that ruled their grandfather and had briefly threatened to take Thorin from them too.
Sometimes, Dis worried that Ila might take the place of gold for Thorin, but she worried about it less and less. He gave Ila more and more freedoms, and Dis felt that such troubles were long past.
Dis peered out the corner of her eye at Zahra, who was moving about the room taking care of this and that. She had not had many opportunities to observe her since she had spoken with Fili about her. Twice before when she'd come to sit with Ila Zahra had been elsewhere. She couldn't help but wonder had she been with Fili those two times, but Ila had assured her Zahra was taking care of chores.
The more Dis looked at her, the more she found her attractive. Her light brown hair curled a bit around her face, what was not braided, and her brown eyes were kind and innocent. That she was still innocent was something Dis occasionally worried about, but not as much if it were Kili she was secretly courting.
She searched for something to engage the maid in conversation with, but Ila kept talking of things she could not easily encourage her to speak on.
"I am wondering if this one will not come early, what with how much bigger I am." Ila said.
"It is not impossible, but each one is different. Fili came rather easily, but with Kili I labored for a day and a half."
"Oh, I pray that is not how this one comes." Ila said rubbing her belly. She felt that was all she did these days, but then there was little else to do from bed.
"Your size can only mean a boy, but he may wish to stay where he is. He could be late, despite your size."
"Oh, I hope not that either. But I do hope he waits until the tournament is over."
"Yes, you would not want your labors to take you there."
Dis said and looked at Zahra who continued folding clothes.
"Are you excited about the tournament Zahra?" Dis asked.
Zahra took a minute registering that Dis had actually spoken to her. She stood up straight and faced her.
"Oh, well yes. I haven't seen one since I was a very young dwarf indeed. I will of course be tending to the princess but will watch as I may." Zahra made sure to add that last bit.
Dis smiled and nodded for want of something more to say. Zahra was certainly polite and dutiful, she had to give her that. If she had been about to say something she'd forgot it, as Dwala came through the door with Farin in her arms.
Thora made a great happy noise and began to shake her arms at the entrance of her tiny counterpart, delighted to see him as always. Farin smiled back at her and everyone gushed over the dwarflings, insisting that they would be friends for life.
Zahra smiled from where she worked, and thought if she and Fili might have dwarflings one day. She wondered about it while she continued with the clothes, trying to imagine what they might look like.
Later than night, Zahra met Fili on one of the royal balconies, deserted now that it was so late. There was little chance anyone would find them here. Fili knew his mother would be inside her chambers, that Dwala would be with her dwarves in their own chambers now, and that uncle would be with Ila. As for Kili…..well he wasn't sure, but he wouldn't be here.
As such, he wasted no time plunging his hands into her hair and bringing her lips to his. Zahra melted into him. He was the best part of her day, she spent all her time looking forward to the evening when they would be reunited.
Fili felt the same. And lately he had been even more eager to see her, for fear of what his uncle might ultimately decide regarding the two of them. He felt desperate, and he had not told Zahra about the conversation with his mother. He had not even asked her to marry him, and didn't know if she would. He felt she would, but he was not going to assume anything.
He had also had a darker thought…something to fall back on if uncle did not see things his way. What if he told him that he'd already been with Zahra? Then he would have to let him marry her, so that she was not ruined. Especially if she were with child. But then he would in fact have to ruin her, and he didn't want that.
But he did want her, and he wondered how far she would let him go.
Fili ran his hands down her sides and cupped her bottom. He felt her shiver but she did not resist. Her hands were clutching him and she was pressed against his chest. Fili felt himself growing brave, and began to pull at her skirts, bunching them up and exposing her legs.
Zahra allowed it for a moment, then stiffened in his embrace.
"What are you doing?" she whispered as she broke their kiss.
"I just wanted to try something….that's all." Fili said.
"But, we can't! Fili-"
"I'm not going to try that—just trust me. I'll stop if you don't like it. Don't you trust me?"
"Of course," Zahra said, but apprehensive as to what he was doing.
Fili tugged her skirts up to dip his hand underneath and slide between her body and her undergarments. Zahra jumped a bit at the feeling but didn't stop him. Fili felt her curls and gently pushed apart her nether lips. She was wet and warm, and he felt his breeches become tighter. He looked into Zahra's eyes to search them while he did so, but saw no signs of anything yet. He slipped one finger deeper and felt Zahra's nails dig into him. Her eyes squeezed nearly shut and he knew he was hurting her. He instantly withdrew, now at her opening. He gently searched her soft folds for that special bud he'd heard tell all females had, that if you touched just right made them open like a flower for you. Zahra's expression spoke of nothing but apprehension and discomfort, but he tried anyway. He abandoned the use of his fingers for his thumb, and finally when he was about to give up seemed to have struck home.
Zahra bit her lip and parted her legs a little for him, but held on tighter than ever. He continued to look at her and she began to be short of breath. When she began to moan here and there he knew he'd done something right. Zahra laid her head on his shoulder and held onto him for dear life. Fili increased his pace and when he heard her gasp knew he'd succeeded. He felt her twitch under his thumb and pulled his hand free, wet now it was. He wiped it on his trousers and held her to him as hard as he could while she came down.
He smoothed her hair and kissed it, overjoyed to have brought her pleasure. She pulled away to look at him, looking tired but happy.
"What did you do to me?" she whispered.
"I pleasured you. See? I promised it wasn't what you thought."
"But….did you puncture me?" she asked, suddenly seeming upset.
Fili had to think about what she meant. "Oh, oh no! You are still a virgin my love, we didn't do anything. I mean, it doesn't count if you cannot get with child."
"It..it doesn't? How do you figure that Fili?"she asked.
"Well, we didn't have sex."
"No, I suppose not. But you wouldn't want me doing that with anyone else."
"Well of course not." Fili replied.
"So it was….sex."
Fili sighed. "No, not exactly. Why, are you regretting it?"
"No….I just never thought I would do such things until I was married. This cannot please Ila were she to know. If anyone did know I would be promptly sent back to the Iron Hills."
"Well no one is going to know. Unless you tell them." Fili said, getting tired of this line of conversation.
"Didn't you enjoy it?" Fili asked, fearing that she didn't.
"Yes, yes I did. I just…I don't want you to think ill of me." Zahra said with big, sad eyes.
"How could you think that? I love you so much, I can't keep my hands from you. You are all I think about all day."
"It is the same for me."
"I am sorry, I shouldn't have forced you to do something you didn't want." Fili said, starting to feel very bad about himself indeed.
"You didn't, I liked it. I just….I just don't want to go too far too soon. I mean while we are courting in secret."
"I know," Fili said and pulled her into his arms. Zahra laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes, just savoring the contact and the smell of him. Fili felt bad no matter what she said; he pushed her when he shouldn't have. But he tired of this meeting in secret and only kisses to sate his love and lust for her. He had to talk to uncle. He had to make him see that it was he who was not good enough for Zahra, not the other way around.