– DIMITRI -

I heard the commotion on the other side of the room. Tensions were running high at Court these days and it wasn't uncommon for Royals with opposing views to start a shouting match at an otherwise civilized event. I could see Eddie with Lissa and Christian in a different area and knew that they were fine. Though I couldn't see Rose, Adrian tended to stay out of the more vocal aspects of Court politics and I was certain that they weren't in the midst of it. Of course, moments later, I was proven incorrect when a flash of dark hair bolted from the scene.

I signaled for a break as soon as I saw Rose dash past me and out of the room. It still gave her a small head start since my relief took a few minutes to make his way over, but I was fairly certain I knew where I would find her. There still weren't many places that Rose was familiar with, so it made sense that she'd find privacy at Lissa's apartment. If she wasn't there, I had no idea where to look next.

Thankfully, my intuition was spot on. The front door was still cracked open, perhaps overlooked in her hurry. I slipped in quietly, trying to listen to where she might be. I saw her before I heard her.

She was sitting on the living room couch, her face hidden in her hands. She wasn't crying per say, but it was obvious that she was emotionally exhausted and not too far from it. I watched her for a moment before making my presence known.

"Are you okay?"

Her head shot up, and a brief look of relief crossed her face when she saw me.

"Yeah...well, no...but I will be. I just needed to get out of there."

"What happened? I saw guardians breaking something up, but I was too far away to see or hear much."

"Some guy – I don't even know his name – propositioned me." I could tell there was more to the story. The way she had said 'propositioned' made me question if she was making light of something more insidious, but she looked like she was having a hard enough time as it was keeping it together without me pressing her for details. I shouldn't force her to talk about her likely assault unless she was willing to share with me.

I felt the hair on the back of my neck raise and suppressed the urge to hunt down the sorry excuse of a man and teach him some decency and respect. Honestly, I shouldn't have been so surprised. It was only a matter of time. I've seen first-hand how often an unpromised girl of her age was pressured into that lifestyle, both in my hometown and here at Court. Even promised female guardians tended to get an offer here or there, and I doubted that Rose would have escaped the notice of our society's more lecherous eyes. Still, to hear of Rose harassed like that killed me.

"It's one thing to be called a whore. I'm fairly used to that by now. You don't dance in Vegas without a few remarks. But to actually be treated like one... It was worse than I've ever had at the club. Typically those guys are drunk and simply try to make a pass at me. You shoot them down, they go away. That man...he acted like it was his right. He acted like he was doing me a favor by even offering me a night with him. When I declined, he didn't take no for an answer. He grabbed me...he kissed me. I don't know what would have happened if Adrian hadn't noticed and stepped in. At least at the club I had the reasonable right to defend myself if someone started to get handsy with me."

The more she told me, the more I could feel my temper building. In the end though, I was as powerless to protect her against the scum of society as she was.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. I know it doesn't make it better, but I'm so sorry." It wasn't nearly enough, but I had to say something. "I never should have left you alone."

"You can't always protect me, Dimitri. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated your concern, but it's not your responsibility to watch over me. I'm not your student anymore. I need to be able to do this on my own if I'm going to do it at all."

I was literally biting my tongue to keep from telling her that I would always feel a responsibility to protect her, not because she was my student, but because she was still one of the most important people in my life, even after all these years. I was also fighting the urge to take her into my arms, knowing that first, having a man touch her was probably the last thing she wanted at this point, and second, she still was unaware of our shared past and I needed to tell her the truth before I pursued any relationship between us.

"So, if unpromised women are immediately considered blood whores, what happens to unpromised men?"

"They just...disappear. Most try to assimilate into the human world but there are challenges when you come from a world that doesn't exist in their minds. Many face some of the same issues you did as far as getting educational documents and what not. There are some that stay in the Moroi community, but they face pretty harsh criticism and accusations also. While dhampirs in general are expected to serve as guardians, men have few other options outside the field."

"What would you have done...if you had options, I mean."

I almost laughed at her question, not because it was amusing in and of itself, but because I immediately realized that I had honestly never thought of doing anything other than guarding. It was ridiculous that I had never actually considered what I would have preferred to do if I had a choice.

"I'm not sure. I enjoy reading so perhaps I would do something in field of publishing. It doesn't matter though. Becoming a guardian was all I had ever planned on. This is what was expected of me, I'm good at what I do, others benefit from it... That's all that really mattered to me. You could almost say I was born to become a guardian." I gave a sardonic huff, knowing that the statement wasn't entirely wrong. "But I do actually enjoy my job. I know that protecting those unable to protect themselves is important and it isn't a bad profession to be in. I care about Christian and Lissa, and it if it came to it, I would happily lay down my life for them. I think things would be much different if I didn't like my charge and would only be protecting them out of duty rather than affection."

"I'm not sure if I feel sorry for you, or envy the fact that you are completely dedicated to what you do."

"How about you? Has dancing always been a passion?" Rose and I had never discussed something like this before, and I was almost ashamed to admit that I didn't really know much about her hobbies outside of training.

"'Always' is a bit of a loaded term. I've only been around for a couple of years," She leaned over and bumped my arm with her shoulder, adding a light air to her unusual comment before she continued. "I guess I simply fell into dancing by accident. Like you, I was good at it so I stuck with it. I do enjoy it, especially the physical challenge, but I don't know if I would call it a passion. It was better than waitressing in my opinion and I wasn't very skilled at tending bar, especially going up against Marie. I really don't know. In the end, dancing is just a job to me."

She looked concerned over the admission and I wanted to find a way to brighten the mood again. "If it helps any, you used to be just as dedicated to becoming a guardian as I was. You were also very skilled in combat and it seems like that hasn't changed much, despite everything. You didn't just care about Vasilisa as your charge, you loved her like a sister. You were determined to do anything necessary to keep her safe. I don't think it was ever just a job to you, you treated it like your calling."

She didn't look up from the spot on the floor that had apparently captured her attention, but I did see a faint smile growing. "Thanks. It's still so odd to have others know more about my past than I do. It's weird having someone tell you who you were...or are...or whatever. I just wish I had a first-hand account of my memories."

The idea hit me so suddenly, I actually sat up straighter. Why hadn't I thought of this before? I knew exactly how to give Rose what she wanted, what she needed.

"Come with me." I stood, taking her hand and pulling her behind me before she could object. I led her down the hallway towards my bedroom near the back of the apartment. I could hear her laughing as she followed along, perhaps already knowing that my excitement was completely out of character for me.

I released her as soon as we crossed the threshold, instead turning to search the small bookcase along the wall. Most of the shelves were filled with Westerns in both English and my native Russian. There were a few DVD's that sat at the end of one of the shelves and my fingertips grazed the gift that I had nearly given Rose the Christmas before she disappeared. Still, I was searching for something in particular.

I finally found the small spiral bound notebook, resting on its side with a small box of photos from my family on top of it. The non-descriptive black cover didn't stand out as anything special, but I knew that the gift would be priceless to Rose. I pulled it off the shelf, hesitating a moment knowing what she'd soon find inside. While I didn't read anything past the first page, I knew that it would eventually reveal more about me – about us – and there was no way to guess how she would take the information. It would be worth it though. Even if she would be so mad that she would refuse to see me ever again, it would be worth it to give her a personal account of her past.

When I turned to face her again, she was sitting comfortably on the edge of my bed, looking equally amused as she was confused.

"Here," I offered. "It's your journal."

Her eyes widened as she realized the magnitude of what I had just given her. She greedily took it from my hands, foregoing all politeness in her eagerness. Her thumb ran along the edge of the pages as she quickly flipped through, not yet reading any of the words but just looking at her self-written history. I could see now that the journal hadn't been completely filled. The last fifth or so of the pages were blank.

"How did you get this?" She asked, her voice soft with a touch of wonder.

"I found before they cleaned out your room. It starts the day that I picked you and Lissa up in Portland, and my guess is that it ends around the time that we left for the lodge that Christmas. I don't know for sure, I've never read it, but I wanted to make sure it was kept safe for when we found you. I'm sorry I didn't give it to you earlier. I honestly forgot that I still had it."

She was quiet for a moment, gently stoking the cover of the simple notebook. When she looked up at me, I could barely see the hint of tears playing at her eyelashes.

"Thank you."

I smiled, knowing that I had made the right choice by keeping her journal all those years ago, and that I had made the right choice by giving it back just now.

"Keep it. It's yours, obviously." I knew she would need hours to pour over the contents, and a quick look at the clock reminded me that I wasn't done for the evening, just on break. "I have to go back to the banquet. I'll be back in a few hours once my shift ends. Will you be okay?"

She nodded wordlessly, already starting in on the first page of the journal. I doubt she even noticed as I slowly shut the door to my room behind me, leaving her in peace to remember the past.

~ ROSE ~

I couldn't believe what Dimitri had given me. I flipped the notebook back and forth, letting the pages run past my fingertips over and over again. I was scared. I wasn't too proud to admit it...at least silently. I had spent years – as long as I could remember – wanting to know something about my past. If it had been a shock to hear about it from others, than what would it be like to hear it from myself?

I opened the first page, recognizing the handwriting even if the story was entirely new to me. I read the story of my capture by Dimitri. I can sense just how angry I was that he had found us and brought us back to the Academy, and how he didn't understand why we had left in the first place. But on the same page, I'm also surprised and touched at how he stood up for me and kept me from being expelled.

The pages were filled with stories. Running with Dimitri in the morning and our daily training sessions. Doing my best to protect Lissa from horrid pranks while fighting my own battles against cruel rumors. All that on top of the normal things you'd expect like homework, friends, and more. It was painfully clear that my childhood was far from typical like I had dreamt about for years.

Underneath everything though, is an emerging romance that I didn't expect. I could see it starting slowly. A look there. A longing here. Initially, it seemed like I just had a school girl crush on my mentor and had to laugh how apparently some things never change. Even then I was enamored with Dimitri, despite the fact that he occasionally annoyed me to no end.

But then everything changed in one night. The night of the Equinox dance. The night that Lissa was kidnapped. The night that Dimitri and I had succumbed to the lust charm. My journal recounts the night in vivid detail. It's almost heart-breakingly vivid. I described the way he touched me, the look in his eyes as he took in my nearly naked body, every word he spoke that night. Reading it now, I can almost feel that night but I can also feel the guilt that consumed me once the spell was broken.

I read the reasons why Dimitri said we could never be. My age, his position, and our future as Lissa's guardians. All reasons why he can't allow himself to become attached to me and how it made me love him that much more. Even now, I could understand and agree with him. We danced around each other, both knowing how the other felt but trying hard to ignore our own emotions. I even went so far as to try and distract myself with Mason, one of my closest friends from childhood, and Dimitri found a friend of his own.

The last few pages were filled with my heartbreak of watching Dimitri move on with someone else. Tasha Ozera. I can't blame him for falling for her. She's brave and beautiful from my description. She's sure of herself and Dimitri seems to open up to her in a way he wouldn't with me. I couldn't help but notice how much more open he is with me now than he seemed to be back then. I also couldn't help but notice that Dimitri hasn't mentioned Tasha once since I came back.

My mind races back to our conversation a few days ago, about the woman he said he loved and lost. Could Tasha be that woman? It was obvious that she liked him. She had offered him a new life, a family and children that I apparently couldn't give him because we were both dhampirs. Of course he would go with her.

The journal never told me one way or another though. It ended abruptly on Christmas day with the revelation of what Tasha had offered Dimitri. It was the day before we left for the Lodge, just a few days before the incident in Spokane.

I flipped through the journal again, rereading my own record. It only comprised a few months of my life, but there seemed to be so much pressed into that time that it was almost exhausting to comprehend. Eventually I stopped reading and just let the book rest next to me as I imagine all the stories in my mind, and slip from imagining into dreaming.

– DIMITRI –

My feet were tired after my shift. Physical endurance was a big part of any novice's guardian training, but I still wholeheartedly maintained that standing at attention for hours on end was more tiring than patrols, training, or even combat.

The house was quiet, so I slipped in as silently as I could. Eddie had pulled patrol duty after the banquet, so I knew his room was empty tonight. Still, even with the others on the opposite side of the house, I didn't want to chance waking anyone this late at night. They had left a couple of hours ago before the banquet officially ended, but I had been scheduled to stay until everyone left.

I opened the door to my bedroom, ready to finally relax and get off my feet, when my heart stopped. Rose was asleep where I had left her hours ago, her head on my pillow and her journal clutched in her arms. She was still dressed in her formal gown, her hair falling from the elaborate hairstyle that it had been pinned into earlier.

She seemed so peaceful, I couldn't even bear the thought of waking her. I was certain that she would be more comfortable in her own bed, or in a pair of pajamas at the very least, but it was too much of a risk to move her.

Instead, I removed my jacket and tie, laying them over the back of the desk chair before unfolding the quilt at the end of my bed. I laid it over her, being sure to gently tug the book from her arms before covering her shoulders.

I should have stopped there, leaving as intended to spend the night on the couch in the living room so she could sleep, but I simply couldn't help myself. I brushed a stray tendril of hair that had fallen across her cheek, and tucked it behind her ear. The corners of her lips curved up in response and the sight only encouraged my unnaturally bold behavior. I knelt to the ground by her side, and placed a kiss softly against her temple.

"Sladkikh snov, moy Roza."

Author's Note

So, remember a week or two ago when I posted my SECOND favorite chapter of this story and said that my number absolute favorite chapter was coming up? It's the next one. I've been waiting to share it with you guys for MONTHS and I really hope you all like it. Lets just say that it is stands unique among any other chapter I've written, and a primer for Shadow Kiss.

All that being said, I'm still pretty fond of this sweet scene too. What do you guys think Dimitri or Rose would do if they weren't guardians? And the journal! Could you even imagine reading about your past with fresh eyes? I couldn't imagine how overwhelming that would be.

The phrase that Dimitri says at the end translates to "Sweet Dreams" but is typically only used for those you are close to and care for.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you are all ready for next week :) I sure am! Don't forget to favorite and follow. I really do appreciate all the love and support you guys give me and it thrills me every time you share your thoughts with me so please feel free to review!