Ta-da! I updated! I feel like it's crap, but please review with your opinion because I'm sorta at a, writing low right now, so... yeah.

He woke up with everything fresh in his head, though his conviction had dulled to a simple throbbing. He sighed, turning his head and looking at the watch he'd left on his bedside table to keep time with. He still had twenty minutes before he had to appear at breakfast.

He was hungry, yes- but the thought of sitting with everyone at breakfast after yesterday made his stomach turn.

They don't trust me. he thought, desolate. I can't really blame them, though- who would trust me? No control, nothing special- I'm a liability more than anything. I won't be useful at all, until I can learn how to control it...

His eyes fell closed. If I even can control it...

The fear and uncertainty settled over his heart like a mist, before he sitting bolt upright, digging through his nightstand drawer like a madman.

I will control it!

He'd found the small folding knife, and he flipped out the blade carefully, swallowing as he stared at the cold metal. It was a standard-issue knife, useful in cutting cables of 3DM gear should they get tangled and sawing through ropes. It was so useful in everyday life, no one had even thought of taking it from him.

He wordlessly pressed the blade to his skin of his bicep carefully.

Easy now. Just... don't turn into a titan. Don't disappoint them again.

A hiss of pain escaped from behind his grit teeth, and he looked down, surprised, to find he was still staring at his human skin- and that the cut was weeping blood.

He panted, shocked. I-I did it. I'm human...

He flopped back onto the bed, grinning, feeling ecstasy wash over him at the discovery.

"Yes..." his enthusiastic whisper lit the air in the room. "I can control it..."

But once wasn't good enough. He'd have to be sure he could control it before he showed it to anyone. Just one victory wasn't going to cut it.

Five slices later he was wiping off his knife before tossing it back into his nightstand drawer, pressing a bit of toilet paper to his arm to staunch the surprising amount of blood that'd leaked out. He dressed, being careful not to jostle his arm too much as he did so, making sure his wounds were covered by the sleeves of his shirt.

Fifteen minutes later he was waiting by his cell door, as always, for Levi to come and let him out. Then he was eating a morose breakfast with the Levi Squad.

More than once he caught his peers sending concerned glances his way, but he ignored them, focusing on his meal. The dull throbbing in his arm a reminder, he found himself constantly biting back a smile... I can control it. I'll show them, I'll show them all...

For the next three days, it became a training exercise of sorts for Eren. How often could he hurt himself and not go titan?

Sometimes, he'd nearly lose control. It was almost always when he was tired, nearing exhaustion- he found it the hardest to hold onto his human form after working with Hanji all day- exhaustion and desperation seemed to trigger the transformation more.

So most of his self-administered 'tests' took place at night, directly before bed. It was an intense struggle to stay the transformation process- more than once, he'd seen yellow sparks fly from his wounds and had to grit his teeth and physically fight his insides and instinct to keep his human form- but so far, he'd succeeded. Forty-five wounds covered the skin, divided over both his arms, a testament to his strength and fortitude. He was going to be an amazing soldier.

He obediently followed Levi down to the dungeon that night, ready to be locked in his cell as usual.

Levi had just finished securing the shackles and was about to leave when he noticed something on Eren's nightstand and frowned, moving over to pick it up. Eren realized with horror it was his pocket knife.

"Where did you get this?" Levi frowned, examining the knife critically before flicking his gaze over to Eren.

"It's standard issue, Sir- it came with my things when I was moved here. No one ever said anything about it, so I, uh... figured it was okay to keep it."

Levi wordlessly frowned, before sliding the blade into his pocket. "Do you have any other weapons?"

"No Sir- I- uh, can I have it back?" Eren was struggling to keep his sudden panic at bay, now. "I- it's really useful, if I get my 3DMG cables caught on stuff, or just when I'm doing chores in the barn, really..." I need it to prove myself I need it to tame myself I have to have it to keep control...

"No. While I don't doubt you can handle a knife, the courts were very specific in the parameters they set when they sent you to live with us. This could be considered a weapon- and the last thing we need is to give them an excuse to come and take you from us." Levi's gaze rested firmly upon Eren, as though he was waiting for some form of acknowledgement.

"Yes, Sir."

"Get some sleep."

And Levi was gone, leaving Eren alone with tears prickling in his eyes.

Even Levi doesn't trust you, you worthless piece of shit... his mind seemed to whisper. His skin itched, it was begging for pain, begging for another test he was still human...

Instead he turned so he was facing the wall and simply bit his lip, simply feeling the hot tears streak down his cheeks. After about a half an hour he ran out of tears, and fell into the murky blackness of sleep.

MAILBAG

Animekoneko, Chapter 1

Very intense story. I liked it. Your writing style is also very good and you managed to also keep the characters in character. If you're going to continue with this, please update soon~

Thanks, I'm glad you like it!

Firelass19, Chapter 1

Eren! Wait no! You're human! You don't need to hurt yourself! Levi loves you! Go be in a ship with him or whatever but please, don't hurt youself... Gawd. Weirdly enough, this is the exact type of fic I'm looking for. Please continue :)

i was thinking about making it Ereri... what do you guys think? Also- I know exactly what you mean. I was looking for gen Eren self-harm fics- there are plenty of AU's, but I want it to be IN ATTACK ON TITAN, GOSHDANGIT. So I wrote this. Glad you're enjoying it! :)

Please review, guys! :)