A/N: The first sentence is from the last chapter...it got cut off when I published last time and I tried to replace that chapter with the corrected one but I couldn't get it to work. So here you go. This one was pretty sad to write, so you've been warned. ;)

It was only after he had been gone for a few moments, and she had heard his iron tipped boots move from the next room out into the corridor, that she feared he was going to find Kili.

Elsewhere in the royal wing, Kili was rummaging through his room with the help of his brother. Rather, his brother was sort of helping. Fili was half rebuking him and half trying to talk him out of going.

"You know that I must go. Uncle is King, his word is law. Even for us." Kili said in a very matter of fact manner. He was taking this all too well for Fili's taste.

"I still do not understand what came over you- for the love of Mahal!" Fili threw a boot in his direction, but not straight at him. For Fili to throw anything was out of character. He was always so calm, so collected. That he did so showed how upset he was.

Kili was done repeating himself. He had answered his brother's many questions about what had happened, why he had been so foolish, how long this had been going on, and so on and so forth. He had no patience left for it, and no one-not even Fili apparently- could understand.

"Are you even listening to me?" Fili asked irritably.

Kili continued packing, not even looking up.

"How could I ignore you? Loud as you are."

"You are taking this very well." Fili had an accusing tone now. "Can you even imagine what this must be doing to mother?"

"It is for the best." Was all Kili could say. He could imagine what his mother must be feeling, and he was ashamed for that.

"Mother has survived far worse-"

Another boot landed dangerously close to where his head had just been.

"How can you talk that way?! So dismissive of her pain! And no acknowledgement of how this must make me feel. And never mind your betrayal of uncle—"

Kili whipped around, finally ready to do battle with him at that comment.

"Betrayal? You think that is what I did to him? You know he has never treated her as she deserves!"

"That is not for you to say! She is his wife! And it is not as though he beats her! She has everything a queen could want, including his love, which many queens have gone without. And just because you love her- does not make it your business."

"You don't understand. You love someone who loves you and you will get to spend the rest of your life with her. You can't possibly know what it has been these months to live this way- like a sickness that seeps into your very bones. You can barely eat, hardly think, and nothing makes it better. Nothing lessens it, it only amplifies. Do not talk to me of things you don't understand."

Fili looked at his brother like he'd never seen him before. This was so terribly out of character for him. He had noticed some small changes in his manner since Ila came to the Mountain, true enough. But even with his bought of sulkiness Kili had come around. He thought perhaps Kili had a small crush when Ila arrived, if nothing else due to her stunning beauty, but he'd believed that had long passed. He had obviously been wrong.

"Kili, please. Where will you go? What will you do?" Fili was less angry now. Mostly he seemed worried, and sorrowful. Kili did not want to leave his brother; they had always been together. They only possible way they could have been closer was being twins, but that wouldn't have done it by much. He was sad too, truly he was, but he was one dwarf and it was too many emotions from too many dwarves to catalogue in one night. He would have plenty of time to sort them out and deal with them once he was on his way, he was sure of that.

"Does it matter? I will find a tavern in Dale; stay there a night or so and then go from there. Perhaps I'll go to Ered Luin, or maybe the Iron Hills."

"Perhaps not the Iron Hills….not when they hear what you were banished for." Fili couldn't help but point that out. Kili snorted, clearly not having thought of that either.

"You forget I hold dominion over Ered Luin as well as here. Do you believe they will take you in?"

That deep voice cut through the air like a knife; for it was cold and unwavering as steel itself. Fili and Kili spun around to stare their uncle in the face. Thorin had walked into the room silently, which was impressive given his iron tipped boots.

"Uncle-" Fili began but Thorin raised a hand to silence him.

"I will speak with your brother alone. If you fear for my temper, you may remain in the next room." Thorin said without even looking at Fili, who looked to his brother. Kili nodded to him and only then did Fili move from the room. Any other time Thorin would have noticed the hesitation to obey him and verbally scathe Fili for it, but he didn't even notice. He was there for Kili.

Thorin waited until he heard the door shut behind him to start speaking. But then he waited a little longer, only staring Kili in the eyes, as if seeing him for the first time and carefully weighing him in his mind.

Kili stood up straight, meeting his uncle's gaze.

Finally, Thorin spoke, but only one word.

"Why?"

Kili let out a deep breath and looked at his boots. He slowly began to shake his head, as though he could give Thorin no answer he could comprehend.

"Answer me, boy. How could you do this to me? Me, who rocked you to sleep more nights than you can remember after your father died and your mother was near inconsolable. Me who taught you the sword and bow, me who showed you the world. Me who has given you every comfort and privilege known to our people!"

Thorin's voice had grown louder as he spoke, emotion cracking his cold exterior. Kili had still not been able to meet his eyes. He knew he should be ashamed, and part of him was, mostly concerning his mother, but he was numb now. Thorin was not responding well to this lack of emotion.

"I could try to explain it, but you would understand no better than anyone else."

"You mean you suffer from the need of all needs?" Thorin said as levelly as he could.

Kili bristled under his uncle's stare and accusation. It was not just that…she was his soulmate. But telling Thorin that would only enrage him further.

"Uncle, please. It is not Arukhel. I cannot apologize for my feelings- to deny them is to deny myself. And I cannot take back what I have done." Kili said and turned away from his uncle to rummage through his belongings for a pair of socks. He simply couldn't stand there under his gaze indefinitely.

Thorin wasn't sure what he had expected, but he'd expected more. More humility hopefully, but more of anything would have been better than this.

"That's it?" Thorin asked coolly. He was determined to maintain control of himself.

Kili turned back to Thorin, each watching the other as though they expected an attack at any moment.

Kili lost the staring contest and dropped his eyes, shaking his head.

"I don't know what more you want. You have banished me, and I will be gone before the sun rises, if you will only let me pack."

Kili went to turn again, but Thorin slammed his fist on the side table he stood near. The loud crack it produced made Fili stick his head just inside the door, but on seeing the distance between the two of them quickly ducked back out. Clearly he expected the worst to unfold at any moment.

"You can't fathom anything I might want, more than the declaration that you would gladly have an affair with my wife if she were only willing? Is that the thanks I get, for caring for you all of your life? For raising you after your father died when you were so young you've no memory of him at all? Tell me, what have you ever wanted for? TELL ME!"

Thorin had started out rather calm considering what he was saying, but by the end he was screaming. Kili felt a sudden flood of shame, he had not thought of it that way, not really. He should have, but it was easy to be complacent, and as Thorin had said Kili had wanted for nothing in his life. Life had not always been easy, and certainly not as luxurious as it was now, but Thorin had always seen him cared for. Him, Fili, and their mother. His mother….Kili had a new rush of shame regarding Dis. Thorin must have sensed it, because he was tired of waiting for Kili to speak and started in on him anew.

"And your mother! Can you even imagine what this is doing to her? Do you even care?"

Kili made himself meet Thorin's eyes again, "Of course I care! Do you think this is what I wanted to happen? I cannot help that I love her, no more than you can help it. And believe what you want about me Uncle, but she was never unfaithful to you. The baby is yours—"

"Yes, he has my eyes." Thorin cut in. "And my everything else." Thorin looked sad at that for some reason.

"She has delivered then?" Kili asked. "And she and the baby are well?"

Thorin's face turned darker than Kili could have thought possible now. It was his turn to lower his eyes and turn away slightly but he said nothing. Kili felt his heart constrict.

"Is she alright?" Kili asked worriedly, forgetting everything else for a moment.

Thorin mentally noted that Kili spared no question for the baby, and that made him feel better for some stupid reason. Thorin met Kili's eyes and shook his head again gently.

"It was a difficult birth…she has a fever and was not conscious when I left her."

Kili noted that Thorin's face and voice were heavily laden with guilt. Surely he had not taken this out on her….

"I don't understand, her pregnancy was so healthy….she was fine when I left her—"

That was a mistake, and brought the conversation back to where it had started.

"You mean when you forced yourself on her?" Thorin's voice was disgusted and hate filled, his expression twisted with contempt for him. Good, Kili thought. At least you believe it was all me and not her, as is the truth.

"I am sorry Uncle, that is all I can say. I am sorry that any of this happened. For what it has done to me, to my life….I am sorry that I ever looked upon Ila's face."

Kili sounded to Thorin as though he meant that, and he believed that he did. Kili looked ill, truly unwell now. As if Ila were driving him mad. But….then she had driven him mad as well. In a different way, but mad nonetheless. Thorin felt his heart soften a little, just a bit towards his nephew. But not enough to let him remain under the Mountain.

A long silence passed between the two, and finally Thorin moved slowly towards the door.

"Because of the love I bear your mother, I will send word to Ered Luin that you are to be received and quartered there indefinitely. Perhaps I can find some official capacity for you to serve in, so that this is somehow less embarrassing for us all." Thorin was looking down at the floor pensively, seeming to have forgotten Kili was there at all. But then he jerked his head back up to meet his gaze.

"But you are never, ever, to set foot under the Mountain again while I live. Not after your betrayal, for which you could show no shame or offer a better apology than that." Thorin's voice was like ice again, and he spared Kili only a second's glare before he strode from the room.

Kili didn't realize he'd been holding his breathe until Thorin was gone. Fili immediately entered the room and seemed relieved to find Kili in one piece.

"Well, that could have been much worse." Fili said sounding relieved. "And you can go to Ered Luin! Which means that mother and I can come and visit you. Surely you expected worse. I know that I did."

Kili knew he should agree with his brother, but after what had happened that night he could not feel better about anything. And Ila was unwell….a fever he'd said….not conscious. He was terrified for her, wanted to see her, but knew that was impossible. And how was he supposed to leave the Mountain if Ila's life was in danger? Thorin hadn't said that, but it could well be true. Plenty of females died of childbed fever. Perhaps fewer dwarves than humans, but it still happened.

"Kili? Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

"Huh? I mean of course. I just….I'm just worried about Ila. Did you hear him-"

"Oh no! That's what got you in this mess to begin with. Don't even think about going near her, you have to be on your way as soon as possible. You have a long journey ahead and sunrise is not so far off now."

Kili went back to packing, more hurriedly than before. His brother was right, Thorin would probably murder him if he came anywhere near the royal bedchamber. But he did want to say goodbye to his mother. To her he could apologize properly, if not to his uncle.

Closing up the last of his bundles for the journey, he turned back to Fili. "I am going to go ready my horse. Will you fetch mother so I can tell her goodbye? She is most likely at Ila's side."

Fili nodded and went to do just that. Kili was alone, looking around his room. He didn't see anything he was forgetting or leaving behind. Ered Luin would be fine, he assured himself. He had lived there much, much longer than he had here. It would be like going home. And his brother and mother could visit him from time to time. He would be fine.

Kili slung his bundles and bags on his back and arms, and hurried out and down the many stairs that lay between him and the stables. He really didn't have that much time.

It was not a far walk from Kili's chamber to the royal bedchamber. Fili walked in quietly, lest he disturb something he didn't want to walk in on and could back out unnoticed. He had no idea what state Ila and thus Thorin would be in under the circumstances. Thorin was leaning over the fireplace, his head on the mantel. He looked defeated as far as Fili could tell, and he tried not to rouse his attention. Instead he looked to his mother who was sitting at Ila's bedside, the back of her hand gently laid against Ila's forehead to feel her temperature. Ila's face was pale, her eyes closed, and her hair wet and stuck to her face. She was fidgeting in her sleep and did not look well at all.

Zahra was standing over Dis, a wet compress in her hands. If Dis looked grave, Zahra looked almost panic stricken. Fili thought she looked as though she believed this all her fault, impossible though that was.

Dwala was sitting and rocking a bundle back and forth in her arms. The newborn prince. Fili would have gone straight over to dote on him, were it any other night. Oin was not far away either, washing his hands in a ceramic basin and looking exhausted.

"Mother," Fili almost whispered, and Dis looked up after hesitating for a second to take her eyes from Ila.

"It's time." Fili said and hoped she understood, which she did. Dis rose slowly, still looking at Ila worriedly.

"Do not leave her side until I return." She instructed Zahra who nodded. She took the seat Dis had left and looked to Fili with her round, sad eyes. Fili gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile but wasn't so sure he managed it.

Dis took Fili's arm and the two walked as fast as they could without running, lest they arouse suspicion from anyone they happened to pass. Fili spoke in hushed tones but kept his face expressionless and his eyes forward.

"Uncle is sending him to Ered Luin, he will be safe there mother. And we can visit him." Fili tried to raise her spirits. He knew she must be heartbroken.

Dis said nothing. Her face was like stone. Fili paused before going on.

"Will Ila be alright?"

"I don't know." Was the only answer Dis gave him. Fili felt even worse now. That must be why Zahra looked so stricken.

The stables were quiet this night, as every dwarf that was not still celebrating had collapsed in their bed already, or elsewhere throughout the palace. There was no one to see the sad goodbye, save the horses themselves.

Kili had already saddled his pony, a shaggy little black gelding named Midnight, and tethered to him was a little grey packhorse named Pepper. Pepper was loaded down with Kili's bundles and even some food that Kili had managed to swipe from the kitchens on his way down there. Kili had donned his dark blue traveling cloak and his bow was slung on his back. All that was left was to say goodbye.

At the sight of him standing there holding his horse's reins, all dressed and ready to go, Dis let go of Fili's arm and picked her skirts up to quickly close the remaining distance.

She suddenly saw her dwarfling standing there. Not a prince, old enough to be off on his own. She saw her youngest, her baby, like he was still a smooth faced little babe still tugging at her skirts and begging for cookies before dinner. Now she had no idea when she would see him again. And he had a long journey, all by himself. The first time he would be off without his older brother to watch his back, to make sure he didn't do anything foolish.

Tears began to stream down her cheeks. Kili saw her tears and hated himself bitterly. He had caused so much pain; and his mother had experienced more than her fair share of pain and loss and heartache. And here he was adding to it tenfold.

"Mother, I am so sorry—"he began but she threw her arms around him and crushed him to her.

"It's too late for that," Dis said without any anger in her voice. "Just be safe, and send a raven as soon as you get there. I will come to see you as soon as I can."

Kili laid his head on her shoulder. "And don't do anything foolish along the way. And don't talk to any strangers. And stay away from the forests…and-"

Kili didn't hear most of what Dis said, her many warnings could not be heeded if he was to make a journey at all. But he assured her he would do as she asked. She held onto him the entire time, and when she finally did pull away Kili's cloak was wet from her tears.

Then it was his brother's turn. Fili looked graver than he had ever seen. But he was trying to be strong for them all.

Fili took Kili by the shoulders, and repeated much of what their mother had said.

"Keep to the roadways, don't talk to anyone you don't have to. Watch your back."

Kili nodded and nodded, and before one of them could cry, they stepped forward to lean their foreheads on each other and clasped each other's arms. Kili heard their mother sniff behind them.

Kili felt his eyes watering and shut them tight. Fili cleared his throat and when they parted, they noted each other's glistening eyes. They both cleared their throats now and Fili went to stand by their mother. Kili mounted Midnight in one swift motion and turned towards his family. Dis reached out her hand to take his and squeeze it one last time.

"Goodbye my love, be careful. Please." Dis begged, her voice cracking and more tears sliding down her face. Kili couldn't make his voice work. He only nodded and squeezed her hand before letting go. Fili said nothing, but Kili could see the hurt in Fili's face along with the sadness. And then he couldn't look at his brother anymore.

Kili dug his heels into Midnight's sides and the pony gave a grunt in protest but launched forward anyway, trotting off into the cold and dark night, leaving the Mountain behind. Pepper followed at a trot, his bundles bouncing as he went.

Dis and Fili watched Kili until he was out of sight. When they could no longer see him, Dis turned to Fili's chest and began to weep. Fili laid his head on hers and cried quietly into his mother's hair.