A/N: I know a lot of you requested a chapter before Christmas and I had every intention of doing so! But then my days got away from me and I was on vacation enjoying the holiday so I guess you will have to settle for a chapter before New Year's.

So. Interesting chapter, hm? I know it's what you have all been waiting for so I hope it was worth it. Believe me, more of Riley will certainly be a-coming...not so much in this chapter because this is officially the aftermath-of-Riley-randomly-showing-up-out-of-the-blue chapter. Not nearly as exciting but of course necessary. So please read on and please review.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is not sitting in her bed with her laptop on her lap uploading a chapter to . At least I don't think she is...

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 29: Of Heartbreak, Kisses, & Dates

By ByeByeBirdie

++REMUS++

After leaving the Ministry, I couldn't get the look on Lily's face out of my head when she was talking about James. She had completely shut down but the hurt displayed in her expression was so evident. I had been so focused on my anger towards her for what happened between her and Sirius, I had neglected to reflect on what she must be going through after what James had done to her. She looked so lost and heartbroken and believe me, if anyone knew what that felt like, it as definitely me. I should have been there for her instead of avoid her, but I couldn't just ignore the elephant in the room. The elephant being a very naked Lily and Sirius. An elephant I would never be able to forget now matter how hard I tried to rid the image.

As I ventured through the streets, I barely noticed the rain as I reflected on the January that had transpired. I sometimes want to go back to the morning of New Year's Eve and never let the New Year in. Too much has happened and I wasn't so sure I was ready to find out what was going to happen next.

I felt the anger boiling up inside of me as I realized that a single good thing hasn't happened since we ran in the New Year. Potter Manor was attacked. James and Lily broke up. Sirius and Lily slept together drunkenly. Sirius was no longer a friend of mine. Riley returned. Sirius is apparently sleeping with Keegan. Tell me where the good news is in any of that. Because I have to say, all I'm hearing is a string of bad luck.

I wasn't surprised when I found myself outside Sirius' apartment. I had a few things to say and ask him and while I probably should have waited until the frustration and angst building up inside of me subsided, I made the choice not to.

Sirius frowned as he opened the door. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry for what I said to you this morning about Riley," I blurted out with a sigh. "It was uncalled for."

His eyebrow rose slowly. "That's all you're apologizing for?" he drawled.

I shot him a look before choosing to slip past him into his apartment.

"I didn't invite you in."

I turned on my heels to face him. "I went to see Riley today."

He froze. "You...you did what?"

"I had to see her. I had to tell her how much she hurt us. How much she hurt you."

"I didn't ask you to do that."

"I know," I murmured. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for all of us."

"What did you say to her?"

I shrugged. "I said I was hurt and disappointed. I told her to go back to Australia."

He frowned. "What did she say?"

I hesitated. "She wondered why I wasn't mad."

His jaw tightened. "You're not mad?"

I rolled my eyes. "Hell, yeah, I'm mad. I just didn't need to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was."

He slowly dropped on to the couch with a sharp sigh. His lips instinctively pursed, angst resting in his eyes. He didn't say anything immediately, hesitation reading in his expression. Finally, he glanced back up at me. "She's really back, isn't she."

I glanced over at him. "I didn't want to believe it either, but yeah. She is."

He didn't speak but I could see the wheels turning in his head. I briefly wondered what he was thinking but didn't harp on it. "I-I don't know what to do or say," Sirius muttered. "I don't know what to think or to believe. I don't...I'm just...I'm..."

"Numb?"

He snuck a peek towards me. "Yeah, I guess."

It's how I'd feel if I ever ran into Jillian unexpectedly.

Neither of us spoke for quite some time as I joined Sirius on the couch. He was probably thinking about Riley but I was thinking about something else James had mentioned earlier. "So what's going on with you and Keegan?"

Sirius' jaw tightened. "None of your business," he muttered, climbing off the couch immediately and heading into the kitchen.

"It was just a question," I retorted with a scowl.

"I'm not getting into this with you, Remus. I recognize the judgment in your voice. I'm not an idiot."

I rolled my eyes. "Seems to me that you are."

"Blow me, Lupin."

"Why do you insist on making horrible decisions?" I whined.

He whirled around to glare at me. "Will you just stay out of it? It's my life so I get to be the one to make the decisions, y'got that?"

"Decisions that include sleeping with your friends' girlfriends?" I snorted.

"Ex-girlfriends."

"There are a million other girls out there for you to screw. Why do you have to screw over your friends so that you can literally get screwed!?"

"Leave me the fuck alone, Lupin," he snarled. "After the day I've had, I don't really need you riding me. I may not have been able to kick you out of Potter Manor this morning but considering you don't live here anymore, I'm entitled to throw you out of my apartment." He shot me one more glare before strolling into the kitchen.

I wasn't done yet though. "You were drunk when you stupidly and selfishly slept with Lily. What's your excuse for whoring around with Keegan?"

He rushed out of the kitchen with a fury in his eyes I had never seen from him before. If murder was legal, I probably wouldn't be here right now. "What's your excuse for being an abominable excuse of a best friend?" he snapped, his words short with rigidity. "I've made mistakes, Remus. I know that. I'm not ignoring that fact but I also really don't need you reminding me every five seconds of one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made It's in the bloody past and while I am in no way proud of it that doesn't mean that you get to judge me for it. Believe me, I judge myself enough. I don't need it from you."

"I'm not asking you about Lily. I'm asking you about Keegan."

"It's none of your business!"

"I'm not trying to make it my business," I muttered, only half-lying. "I'm just trying to figure out what…what…"

"Yeah?"

I sighed, slumping down on the couch. "What happened to you, Sirius?" I said, the word coming out in a strangled whisper.

He blinked, clearly not expecting that. "What are you talking about?"

I didn't respond. I didn't ask the question I was too afraid to ask. In front of me was a person that had deteriorated over the past four years ago to get to the crumbled version of Sirius Black I hated seeing. He wasn't the guy I became best friends with. In a weird way, I saw him now as the insecure, guarded kid he was on the first day at Hogwarts before he had met James and before he had been sorted into Gryffindor. The kid who didn't know where his life was going to be headed and had been frightened because of it. And now he was back to being frightened with where his future was headed based on his strenuous past. I knew a little bit about being fearful of the future based on the past. He was afraid that his life would never get better, only worse. I was afraid of the same thing.

But more than anything I was just afraid that one day I would end up exactly like Sirius.

"Nothing," I eventually murmured, slowly climbing off the couch.

He frowned and I felt his eyes on me as I headed towards the door. As I was about to leave, he spoke up. "Heartbreak happened to me, Remus," he murmured. "And the next time you want to insult my relationship decisions, just remember that it happened to you, too."

When I turned around to face him, he was already walking towards his bedroom.

Even when I wanted to hate the guy, I couldn't. Because he was right. Heartbreak did happen to him and it did happen to me which just meant I understood a little of what he was going through.

But that didn't mean I was going to go around sleeping with my friends' ex-girlfriends.

++KAY++

It took thirteen knocks before I became pretty certain Lily and Keegan weren't home. That didn't stop me from continuing to knock frantically, tears stinging in my eyes as I thought about the horrible day I had just been through.

"Kay?"

I whirled around at the sound of Remus' voice. "Remus."

He frowned. "You okay?"

I opened my mouth to say something but the only thing that came out were strangled sobs.

He rushed to my side immediately, embracing me tightly. "Oh my God, Kay," he whispered. "What's wrong?"

I didn't respond. No, scratch that. I couldn't respond. I brought my hands up to my face and pressed up against Remus' chest with an uninhibited sob. I had cried plenty that day but I hadn't really let go until that moment to truly mourn for what happened.

Lance and I broke up.

That really happened. I hadn't dreamt it. Lance betrayed me and our relationship and he had been doing it for ten months. It wasn't some dream or nightmare. It was real.

I was grateful that Remus remained silent during my hysterical breakdown, just holding me tightly as I continued to bawl into his shirt. I thought of my relationship with Lance over the past four years. I thought of all of the kisses we shared and the intimate conversations we had. I thought of the dates we've been on and our love that grew with every second of every day. I thought of the day he told me he loved me and I thought of the night we first made love. I thought of the gifts he gave me and the surprises he sprung on me. I thought of the day he proposed to me and I thought of the moment I said yes. And all of these thoughts consumed me with immense longing for the man I was still very much in love with.

But then I thought of all of the times in the past ten months when Lance wasn't home because he claimed he was working late or he was going out with his brothers or he was having tea with his grandmother and I wondered if during any of those times he had been with Riley. And that doubt, that tiny bit of skepticism, just consumed my heart with betrayal.

Eventually, I pulled away from Remus and attempted to wipe the stained tears on my cheeks as I gazed up at him, slightly embarrassed. "God, I'm so sorry," I muttered, covering my face with my hands guiltily. "I'm just...I'm...I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be," he said softly, his hand still on my shoulder. "Just tell me what's going on."

My bottom lip trembled as I whispered the words I had yet to say aloud, the words hoarse in my throat. The words I never thought I would ever have to say. "Lance and I broke up," I whispered, removing my hands from my face as I gazed up at him.

His eyes widened in shock, his mouth forming an O shape in horror. "What?"

I couldn't respond, the lump in my throat making it nearly impossible.

He opened and shut his mouth a few times, clearly unable to form any sort of logical and compassionate words. Instead, he reached out and hugged me again. "Oh, Kay," he whispered as a few more tears fell from my eyes.

Honestly, I don't remember much of what else was said in that hallway. I just remember being so incredibly grateful for his presence and the fact that he didn't rush immediately into an interrogation. Eventually, we headed back to Potter Manor. We grabbed a bottle of firewhisky and headed into the library to drink our sorrows away. It didn't help much but slowly as the alcohol coursed through my veins, it made it easier to forget.

I always considered myself a bit of an open book. I never tried to hide my feelings from anyone so it didn't surprise me when Remus knew I didn't want to talk about Lance and instead steered the conversation to everything but. What surprised me was the way he could make me laugh when we discussed the woman who came into St. Mungo's with handcuffs stuck to her one arm with an impenetrable lock, her much younger boyfriend trailing behind her. What surprised me was the way I actually let the events of the day fall to the back of my mind while we talked about the latest Quidditch standings. What surprised me was the way I actually enjoyed the drawn-out conversation we shared while he mused about Sirius' past indiscretions (he was leaving something out but I didn't press it). We drank and we talked and I was grateful for it.

"I went to see Riley today," I had said at some point during the evening. I was very aware my words were slurring, recognizing that I had to up to eight or nine drinks perhaps.

He met my gaze as he finished off his own drink. "Oh?"

I nodded. "I told her to stay away from me."

He blinked. "Is that all you said?" It was clear his words were slurring too.

I gestured for him to pour me another drink as I avoided the question.

He sighed as he obliged. "I went to see her, too."

I sipped the drink slowly as I glanced up at him. "And?"

He shrugged. "I told her I was hurt."

"You told her that?" I muttered irritably. "You actually gave her the satisfaction of knowing how much she hurt us?"

He sighed. "She already knows, Kay," he spoke softly as he poured himself another glass as well.

My bottom lip trembled as the events of that day once again came flooding back to me. I knew it had to happen eventually and I knew bringing up Riley would do it but maybe it was that ninth or tenth drink that gave me the courage to relive it.

Remus blurred in front of me as the tears stung in my eyelids for what felt like the hundredth time that day. The laughs and the desire to ignore the day's events and the light conversation disappeared as Lance was once again brought to the forefront of my mind. "I hate her," I spat out in a hurt whisper, shaking my head. "I-I hate her so much."

He was looking at me so intensely that I had to turn away, his scrutinizing gaze making me strangely nervous. He cleared his throat and asked, "Because she left?"

A tear slipped down my cheek as I made sure to keep my gaze on the glass in my hand and not up at Remus. I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. The day still haunted every fiber of my being and I wasn't so sure I was ready to relive it.

"Kay," Remus said slowly a little after midnight, the word soft and vulnerable. I blinked the tears back as I glanced up at him, already knowing what he was about to ask. "What happened between you and Lance?"

I looked up at him and downed the rest of my drink. My instinct was to avoid the question but when I saw the concern on his face, the events of the day came blurting out. Everything that Lance had told me, how I told him I didn't trust him, how I gave him back the ring and walked out, how I blamed Riley, what I said to Riley when I went to go see her, the anger and the disappointment and the hurt I felt as I wandered the streets until I got to Lily and Keegan's apartment.

I didn't realize I was crying until I finished up and Remus reached out to wipe the tears from underneath my eyes. "Oh, Kay," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. You don't deserve any of this."

I merely nodded, grabbing the firewhisky from beside him and pouring myself a double. I was far past tipsy but at this point, I didn't care. If there was any way to forget that evening, I was in favor of it.

"She's really been back for ten months?" Remus contemplated.

I glanced up at him. "Yeah," I spoke softly.

He sighed. "I can't believe her."

"I hate her," I whispered again, shaking my head. "I hate her for what she did to me."

Remus frowned. "I don't think she's the only one to blame here," he spoke softly.

"She was the one who had him promise he wouldn't tell me about her being back!"

"He was the one who promised."

My heart sank. I didn't speak immediately, sipping my drink slowly as I contemplated his words. "It's easier hating her," I whispered. "She wasn't the one I was in love with and trusted with my life. Her betrayal is easier to handle than his."

"I know," he spoke, reaching out to massage my shoulder comfortingly.

I turned to him, a wave of vulnerability coursing through my veins. "What am I going to do now, Remus?"

He frowned pensively, blinking sadly. "I don't know," he whispered honestly, shaking his head. "But you'll get through it, Kay."

I gazed up at him, unconvinced. "How can you be so sure?"

He shrugged, offering me a sympathetic lopsided smile. "Because I got through it," he murmured, his eyes filled with seep sadness. Gazing up at him, I knew that he knew exactly what I was going through. "And one day you will, too. Heartbreak is expected. Tears are expected. Hatred is expected. But one day your heart won't feel so broken. One day you'll get through the entire day without shedding a single tear. One day, you'll stop hating Lance and you'll just see him as a guy from your past. One day, you'll move on. One day. And until that day comes, we'll all be here for you. I'm here for you, Kay. Please know that."

Part of me blames the alcohol, another part blames my loneliness, and the last part of me blames the way he was saying all of the right things for what I did next.

I kissed him.

++KEEGAN++

I was slipping the key into my apartment door when I heard Sirius' door open behind me. I turned around to smile. "Hey, there, what-"

"Where the hell have you been?" he muttered gruffly as his lips were pressed immediately against mine.

I was pushed up against my door forcefully as he kissed me in an unexpected frantic manner. It was clear something was wrong. It's often what our sex was about. Letting go of our everyday frustrations by a bit of sexual release. Alright, a lot of sexual release. But this felt different. Overwhelmingly desperate and intense. The kisses were rough, his mouth attacking mine with a hasty need.

"You alright, Sirius?" I whispered as he led me into his apartment, his lips barely leaving mine.

"Fine," he whispered abruptly, throwing my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor as his mouth came crashing on to mine once again.

I shrugged, not questioning it further. It was clear he didn't want to discuss it and part of our unspoken agreement was to not interrogate the reasons behind our need for sex from each other. We both have terrible days and it was nice knowing there was someone we could turn to who wouldn't judge or cross-examine us for the days we had.

So it came as a surprise to me that today was the first time I really wanted to cross-examine him because it was clear it wasn't just a horrible day for him this time around. No, it was evident that it was so much more than that.

However, my concerns were quickly forgotten as Sirius kissed me again.

++SIRIUS++

As I stared down at the gorgeous girl sprawled in my bed, my thoughts inevitably went to Riley. I had truly loved her. I couldn't tell you for how long. Did I fall in love with her at first sight? Was it sometime over the first four years of friendship? Was it when we first slept together? Was it when she took me back in our seventh year? Was it at another time during those months were we together? In the end, it didn't particularly matter when I fell in love with her. It just mattered that I had. And even when I told her to go to Australia and she inevitably agreed, it didn't matter that I was going to lose her for a year. Because I knew I would still love her during that year even without her in my life. What had truly mattered at that moment in my life was that I thought I was going to love her forever.

Unfortunately, none of that seemed to matter to her. Because if it had, she wouldn't have left the way she did.

Keegan stirred and I was driven out of my consumed thoughts. She turned around to face me with a tired smile. "Amazing as always," she teased, winking up at me.

I grinned, reaching out and pushing her matted hair from her face. She flinched in surprise by the intimate gesture, her smile wavering curiously. She turned her back on me as she slowly climbed out of bed, searching for her clothes.

I propped myself up on my elbows as I watched her get dressed. And before I could stop myself, I found myself blurting out, "We should go on a date."

She froze, slowly turning around to stare at me incredulously. "Please tell me you did not just say that."

I shrugged. "What? We've been fooling around for a few weeks now. Is the idea of a date that alarming to you?"

She hastily slipped her legs into her jeans, shaking her head vehemently. "Sirius, we kinda hate each other."

I couldn't help but laugh, shooting her a look. "I'm pretty sure the hate disappeared way back when we first slept together."

She didn't respond immediately, throwing her messy hair up into a ponytail as she mused over her next words. "We agreed from the beginning that this was only going to be a casual thing. We both said we didn't want a relationship."

"Who said anything about a relationship? I'm just talking about a date. Y'know, dinner, drinks, conversation. That can be casual."

She frowned, glancing into my mirror to wipe the smeared mascara from underneath her eye. "Why the hell do you want that with me? I guarantee there are probably girls out there who actually want to date you."

I rolled my eyes. "Ouch."

"There's no ouch about it, Sirius," she muttered irritably, shrugging. "I said from the beginning this was going to be casual sex and that was it. In fact, you said the same thing."

"Maybe I've changed my mind."

She slowly turned around to face me. "Why?"

I shrugged, meeting her gaze. "Does it matter?"

She blinked curiously, making her way over to the bed. She perched on the end of it. "What's going on, Sirius?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," I lied. "Shouldn't you just be flattered I want to take you on a date?" I teased.

"I'm not just referring to that," she sighed. "Something's going on with you, clearly. You came in here incredibly tense tonight. Unlike I've ever seen you before. The sex was more frantic than ever and-"

"Why, thank you."

She rolled her eyes. "I knew from the first kiss that something was terribly wrong. And now you're asking me out completely out of the blue? Sirius, talk to me."

"I thought we didn't talk," I muttered, my heart skipping a beat as she prodded me.

She pursed her lips before inching up the bed to be closer to me. She leaned down and slowly pressed her lips to mine. It was an effortless, simple kiss that only lasted a few seconds before she pulled apart. "We don't," she whispered. "Which is why I'm wondering why the hell you want to go on a date with me."

I rolled my eyes, flopping on to my back as my head smacked my pillow. My gaze fell towards the ceiling. "Merlin, if I knew you were going to make a big deal out of it, I wouldn't have asked."

"How could you not know I was going to make a big deal out of it?" she muttered irritably, once again climbing off the bed. "I was up front and honest from the beginning about this, Sirius. I just wanted something casual. And you just had to go and ruin it, didn't you?"

My heart skipped a beat as I glanced into her desperate eyes. "Gee, sorry for attempting to care."

"I don't want you to care," she snapped. "That's not what you're here for."

I rolled my eyes, letting my gaze return to the cracks in the ceiling. "Fine. Whatever. Casual it is."

She frowned and I could feel her staring at me. "Sirius, what happened today?" she whispered hoarsely.

"Nothing," I muttered, rolling my eyes and falling back against the pillow.

I felt the bed dip as she sat down on the edge of it. "Sirius, talk to me," she said softly. "What happened?"

I wasn't planning on telling her. I was planning on just saying it was nothing and letting it go once again. But when I lifted my head off the pillow and saw the severe concern in her eyes, I found myself reconsidering. I thought about all of the stuff we had spoken of in the past with her and Tristan, and for some crazy, irrational reason, I wondered if she might just actually be able to understand everything I was forced to go through during that day. I had avoided thinking about it until now but maybe talking to someone who hadn't been there when it all fell apart might just be the answer. And so I surprised even myself when I blurted out, "Riley's back. I ran into her this morning."

There was a long pause on her end where I avoided any sort of eye contact with her before she said in a shocked whisper, "You...you ran into her?"

"Yeah."

"Bloody hell," she murmured mostly to herself.

"My sentiments exactly."

She turned her back on me, glancing towards the wall with a heavy sigh as thoughts consumed her. "What happened?" she eventually asked.

"Nothing," I snorted. "I told her to go to hell and then I walked away."

Another long silence came from her before she slowly turned around to look at me. I saw defeat resting in her eyes. "It's been four years of questioning why she left and…and you didn't even ask?"

I frowned, confused by her calm response. "I…I was taken by surprise, Keegan. In that moment, I just needed to get away from her to process what had just happened."

She looked pensively complacent. "I guess that makes sense."

My eyes narrowed in bewilderment. "Hm, and right now, I'm actually more curious what you're thinking than what Riley is thinking."

"What?"

I shrugged. "You just seem very unruffled by this. Why?"

"Like you said," she muttered hesitantly. "I'm processing."

"Well, you certainly process much differently than I do," I snorted, shrugging.

She met my gaze, a frown playing on her lips. "Yeah, you apparently ask girls you're casually sleeping with to go out with you."

There was a heavy sadness in her eyes as she spoke. "Oh, Merlin, are you on this again?" I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"It's not a coincidence that Riley steps back into your life and that same night, you ask me out on a date, Sirius," she murmured. "But I'm not Riley. Nor do I want to be."

"Good, because that girl is a self-righteous bitch," I snapped.

She slowly shook her head, tugging on the end of her ponytail hesitantly. "And for so long you thought I was, too," she said softly, slowly shaking her head.

"Don't put the two of you in the same category," I muttered irritably. "You're better than she is."

She blinked, unconvinced. "Maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but the fact of the matter is, Sirius, is that at one point you loved her," she whispered. "And I'm not going to be her replacement."

My heart ached at the reminder that I had once loved Riley. "I'm not asking you to replace her."

She climbed off the bed sluggishly, biting down on her bottom lip in an unexpectedly tense way. "Maybe you don't believe you are, but I think a part of you is."

"I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, Keegan," I snapped. "I asked that once of a girl and she ripped my heart out. So the idea of me wanting you and me to replace what Riley and I had is ludicrous. Don't try and be philosophical with me."

"I don't think you're asking me to call in love with you," she sighed. "I think you ran into Riley, freaked out, had the sudden thought that you didn't want her to have a hold on you, and decided to ask the first girl you ran into to go out with you as some sort of backwards way of pretending as if you've moved on."

"Riley Gilmore does not have any sort of hold on me," I scowled.

"Then why the hell would you ruin a good thing by asking me out?" she snorted, glaring at me.

"Maybe I actually genuinely like you!"

She smirked, rolling her eyes. "Wow, now you're just struggling to come up with a logical idea so that you don't have to admit that when you ran into Riley, you were reminded of the old you and her and your relationship before it fell apart."

I scowled. "Stop psychoanalyzing me, Rouge."

"Sorry, but that's apparently what we do with each other."

She had a point. I psychoanalyzed her past relationship with Tristan and the person she was today because of it and she did it in return with Riley. Sadly, it's what our friendship (though I use that term loosely) was sadly based on.

"I think it's best if we stop," she spoke.

I blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Maybe we need to take a break from each other for a while," she murmured. "Clearly, this isn't going to work anymore."

"Hm, running away. Why am I not surprised?"

She scowled. "I'm just being logical!"

"No, you're running away. I ask you out on one date and you're suddenly calling it quits? Sounds to me like you're scared."

"Of what?"

I shrugged, scrutinizing every emotion running through her expression. Frustration, fear, sorrow, hesitance. The list goes on. "The truth."

She rolled her eyes. "Which is?"

A knowing smile slowly crept on to my face. "That you might actually like me."

The scowl on her face slowly turned into a surprised expression before resting on panic. "That is just laughable."

"Is it?"

She glared at me, reaching for her jacket off the back of my desk chair hastily. "Good-bye, Black," she snapped, heading towards the door.

"Interesting. Avoiding the question."

She shot me another glare. "You are rude and far too smug to be anyone I'd be remotely interested in dating. You think you can just flash that bloody smirk of yours and get anything you want. You are selfish and childish and immature. You are living in the goddamned past and are afraid of change. You hate yourself but don't even realize it and you think that sleeping with women will rid you of all your problems. You're a coward and a sneak. You think you have your friends wrapped around your finger but in all honesty, there are times where they can't stand the person you've become. You can be such a jackass and what's worse is that you like being a jackass," she spoke effortlessly, a smirk playing on her lips. "So tell me, Sirius, why the hell would I like someone like that?"

I had no idea what to say to that. Which was fine because she was already rushing out of the room, slamming the bedroom door in my face.

As I rolled over in bed, I realized that I was actually hurt by what she said.

++LILY++

I hadn't stayed at Riley's for very long. Just because I missed her didn't mean I necessarily had forgiven her. She still left and she still broke all of our hearts. It would take me a long time to forgive her. But at the same time, it was nice to be around someone who didn't remind me of all that happened in the past couple of weeks. It was good to have a distraction.

I wandered the streets, ignoring the splattering rain around me. I wondered how Riley being back was going to affect us all. As individuals and as a group. We had all been so broken the day she left and to this day, all of the pieces haven't been put back together. She left us all guarded and vulnerable. Sirius most of all.

As I was planning on heading into my own apartment, my gaze fell upon Sirius' instead. I stood there between the two, a heaviness weighing in my heart, before walking over to his door and knocking.

He opened it, a surprised expression crossing his face. "Evans."

A pain struck in my heart. He hadn't called me Evans in nearly six years.

I opened my mouth to express my compassion for what he must have gone through that morning when he ran into Riley. I wanted to tell him that Remus informed me she was back. I wanted to describe what I had felt in that moment. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for being MIA for the past three weeks. Instead I said hoarsely, "Want to go get drunk?"

He blinked. "Because that worked so well for us the last time?"

My face grew hot but I saw an amused smile breaking across his face. "Well," I said slowly, "Maybe we should skip the tequila."

He didn't laugh, a frown reappearing on his chiseled face. "Why are you really here, Lily?"

I wasn't surprised by his reluctance. I would be, too, if I were him. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For?"

I let out a guilty sigh. "I'm sorry that you had to run into Riley this morning."

He frowned. "Is that all you're sorry for?" he asked coldly.

Damn, he knew me well. I shook my head slowly, desperation filling my gaze as I wished I could take back the past few weeks. "No," I spoke softly. I frowned, too, blinking guiltily. It had something to do with Riley that morning, I knew, but suddenly my heart was aching for the fact that I hadn't had Sirius around lately. "What I'm really sorry for is pushing you out of my life the way I did."

His eyes grew dark, filling with resentment. "I was your friend, Lily," he blurted out. "I may have been James' too, but that did not change the fact that I was yours. We have been through so much together and you were so quick to cast me aside because of your broken heart. But what you never seemed to realize is that if anyone were to be able to help you get over that broken heart, it would have been me. You were there for me when mine broke. All I wanted was to be there for you. And you wouldn't let me."

"I know," I whispered, hanging my head shamefully. "I just didn't want anyone to see how broken my heart really was."

He frowned carefully. "No, that's not it. We have been by your side for the past four years during your relationship with James. We all know how broken your heart was." He hesitated. "Is."

Tears welled up inside of my eyes, threatening to spill out. "Alright, maybe that wasn't the full truth," I spoke, my words soft and vulnerable.

He sighed. "What's the full truth?"

I blinked away the tears and glanced up at him. "I was afraid that with…with James and I on the outs, sides would eventually have to be chosen. And I knew which sides you would all choose," I whispered, my voice slowly breaking. "So before you all could already add to my broken heart, I chose for you."

"You really believe that we would have turned our backs on you?" he spoke hoarsely, shaking his head.

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Sirius," I muttered. "Once upon a time, it had all been so clear to me. I thought I knew exactly how my life would turn out. It had been so black and white before. And now? Everything is just so…"

"Grey?" he murmured, peaking an eyebrow.

I met his gaze and nodded.

"I know what that feels like."

I sighed knowingly. "Because of Riley," I muttered.

He hesitated. "No. Well, yes, but I'm talking about now not four years ago," he said emphatically, swallowing hard.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair anxiously. Looking in his eyes, I noticed he looked rather lost and helpless. I suddenly felt nervous for what he might have to say. "This year has been…hell, it's been one of the worst years of my life. And it's only been a few weeks," he voiced softly.

I frowned, sensing vulnerability in every word he spoke. "Sirius-"

"First, James nearly gets himself killed by running headfirst into a battle against a hundred Death Eaters and Voldemort," he continued hastily. "He had already been distant and MIA for so long that I feel like I had lost my best friend. Then, Remus pretty much rescinds his friendship with me. Next, you…you…" he trailed off.

"I pushed you away," I finished softly.

He met my gaze hesitantly and nodded. "And if that wasn't enough misfortune, Riley shows up this morning and throws my already upside-down world into even more disarray. I just feel like…" he sighed, exhaling sharply as he turned away. He didn't continue immediately, taking in a few deep breaths in to calm himself. Eventually, he looked at me and said, "I just feel like everything is spinning so out of control and I have no idea how to stop it."

His words trembled with trepidation and I knew exactly what he was feeling. I opened my mouth to offer my compassion, but he added, "I suddenly wonder if this is how James has felt for the past four years. Feeling so…so out of control and lost."

I froze, locking eyes with him. There was a weird sense of determination in his eyes I was unable to read. "No," I spoke coolly. "Don't compare yourself to him. Because at least you're talking about it with me. James always refused to do that."

"Lily-"

"And I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't matter because truth is, you matter to me more than anything. And I was just so afraid you would inevitably be his friend before you would be mine and I just...I panicked."

He hesitated, his eyes gazing at me skeptically. "Lily," he finally spoke softly, "Do you remember when we became friends?"

I was slightly thrown by the change of subject but I nodded, going along with it. "Yeah, end of fifth year. Why?"

He nodded, too. "Things had gone south between me and my friends and you were there even though you barely knew me," he spoke. He hesitated. "Well, actually you did know me and you were still there which is saying a lot."

I chuckled knowingly.

"I don't know if I ever actually thanked you for that, but it was nice having someone around during a tough time. And I was glad it had been you."

Now this was just making me feel guiltier.

"All you need to know, Lily-bean, is that I'm always going to be here for you no matter the circumstances. It sucks that you can't seem to see that."

I felt a rush of gratitude followed by a rush of shame. "I had wanted to believe that, Sirius, but as much as I knew how close you were, how could I not assume that you'd inevitably choose James over me? You aren't just his best friend, Sirius. You're his brother. You have to know deep in your heart that you would have chosen him if the time came."

Sirius frowned. "The time hadn't come though."

"It would have."

He hesitated. "Why are you so convinced of that? Why are you so convinced that you and I can't be friends just because James and I are, too?"

I hesitated at the legitimate question, realizing it had been the question I was hoping to avoid because it left me more vulnerable that I desired to be. But looking at the desperation on his face, I knew I could really only go with the truth. "Because you were his friend first," I spoke softly. "I knew you'd have to be his friend last, too. I had already lost James. I couldn't lose the rest of you, too."

"You did lose us," he said with a frown. "Because you let yourself lose us."

"I know," I whispered. I hung my head, overwhelming sadness building up inside of me. I shut my eyes guiltily, my bottom lip trembling. Eventually, my eyes fluttered open and turned up to look at him hopefully. "Please tell me it's not for good because I realize now all I was doing was just trying to protect myself from any more heartbreak. As it turns out, I was the one who caused more of it all on my own and I'm sorry I brought you down with me. Just please tell me it's not for good."

He didn't respond immediately, blinking skeptically with a woeful frown. His eyes showed remorse but his expression remained stoic. He eventually sighed. "C'mon," he muttered with a shrug, putting his arm around my shoulder and steering us out of the apartment. "Let's go get drunk."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Really?"

He nodded, glancing down at me with a sly grin. "But no tequila."

I laughed and nodded. "No tequila."

++REMUS++

I was vaguely aware that Kay was kissing me. But considering I was weighed down by multiple glasses of firewhisky, I took me a while to fully comprehend what was going on.

So instead of stopping it, I kissed her back. Her hands roamed towards my hair as our mouths explored each other's hastily. My fingers massaged her bare back, slipping carefully underneath the hem of her sweater. She slowly climbed on top of me and my lips traveled down her jawline towards her neck, my head spinning with the buzz of alcohol and the overwhelming drive from sexual adrenaline. Passion ignited between us as a moan escaped her mouth. Our lips met once again, our tongues swirling in a heated frenzy.

And finally, my head caught up to my lips as I realized I was kissing Kay Richards.

"Kay, wait," I whispered, pulling my mouth off of hers and gazing into her eyes. I knew her heart was shattered into a million pieces and she was using alcohol and snogging as a way of forgetting all about her day and while I was willing to be there for her during this hard time, I knew I needed to be the one to not let her cross the line. "What…what are we doing?"

She met my gaze as her bottom lip trembled. Slowly, she climbed off of me and fell to my side defeatedly. "I'm sorry, I just…" she whispered, hanging her head shamefully as the tears welled up in her eyes. "I already miss him."

I nodded knowingly, instinctively kissing the side of her face and drawing her close to me. It didn't have to be awkward if I didn't let it. She nestled up beside me as the tears splashed down her face. "I know you do," I spoke softly, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. "But the day will come where you won't miss him anymore."

She didn't respond immediately, letting the tears slip down her cheek silently. Eventually, she spoke. "You promise?"

I thought of Jillian at that moment. Had I stopped missing her? I paused wanting desperately to say yes. But truth was, there were still days that I did miss her. It was hard not to when she was such a big part of my life for over three years. But as I glanced down at Kay who was falling apart in my arms, I merely nodded. "Yeah," I lied. "I promise."

I couldn't sleep that night. I found myself trudging out to my balcony with a quick warming spell and a beer. It felt like one of the longest days I've witnessed in forever. It was amazing to me that just that morning Sirius had come rushing into our kitchen to inform us that Riley was back. It surprised me to realize that it was that same day that I had visited my friends' places of work to tell him that news. I couldn't believe that earlier that evening I had been standing outside Riley's apartment. And it saddened me to realize that only just a few hours prior Kay had told me she and Lance were broken up. It was a day I would never forget for all the wrong reasons.

One of the reasons?

I realized that I was exactly like the Sirius Black I had scolded and judged the morning I found him with Lily.

I had hated him for it. But the tables have turned.

Because now I hated myself.

++SIRIUS++

"I am not serving you guys tequila tonight."

Lily cringed and I couldn't help but laugh. "We're not here for tequila, Melinda," I spoke with a shrug. "Just a few beers between friends."

Melinda chuckled. "Alright. Beers I can do."

Lily and I were halfway through our first beers, discussion of work filling us with a few minutes of comfortable small talk. I wasn't surprised, however, when Lily finally dove into the tough questions. "So," she started slowly. "This morning."

Alright, so it wasn't exactly a question but it might as well have been. "It was rather warm morning. I didn't need to wear a jacket."

She cracked a smile. "I wasn't referring to the weather."

"Well, 'this morning' is a tad vague!"

She shot me a look.

I made a face, burying my lips on to the bottle of beer in my hands as I searched for the right words to say. They never really came.

"Talk to me, Sirius," she said softly, reaching over to place her hand on mine.

I glanced over at her and saw the overwhelming concern staring back at me. Even when avoiding each other for so long, we would never stop caring about one another. "It was surreal," I eventually murmured. "I stood completely motionless for what I know was probably only a few seconds but felt like hours. I-I didn't know what to even say or think. It was just…it was confusing for me to see her after all these years."

"Oh, Sirius. I can't imagine how tough that must have been for you," she murmured. "I'm so sorry it had to be you."

I was, too. I think I would have been slightly less caught off-guard if someone else had told me they had run into Riley. At least then I could avoid her at all costs and never actually see or speak to her. I had been forced to hold a conversation with her. I hated that I had to do that. "Y'know, she asked me how I was," I spat out with a snarl.

Lily's eyebrow arched. "You've got to be kidding."

I shook my head. "Nope. She seriously had the audacity to ask me how I was."

"Bloody hell."

"My sentiments exactly."

Lily looked thoughtful as she took a sip of her beer. "What…what do you think is going to happen now?" she asked slowly.

"Nothing," I responded immediately.

She met my gaze. "You really think so?"

I frowned, not responding immediately as I took a swig of my own beer. "No," I muttered. "But a guy can be hopeful, right?"

"Sirius-"

"I just…" I interrupted before she could say something that I know would probably be prolific but something I had a feeling I wouldn't want to hear. "All of these years, I thought I wanted answers. I thought I wanted an explanation. I thought I wanted a goodbye. But seeing her this morning made me realize I don't want any of those things. I just want her to not be back. I want to forget her. I want it all to be over."

She said nothing at first, taking the last sip of her beer before murmuring, "If only it were that easy."

I felt a tear in my heart at the heaviness in her voice as she gestured for Melinda to get us two more beers. "Yeah," I sighed. "If only."

She didn't respond, letting Melinda know to stick the beers on her tab as she started in on the full beer, staring at the bar counter reflectively. She didn't say anything and neither did I, wondering more what was running through her head. She looked to vulnerable, so defeated, that I could only imagine the thoughts weighing her mind. Eventually, I nudged her with my elbow. She glanced up, somewhat startled which just made me realize how deep in thought she really had been. "You alright, Lily-bean?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

She frowned, slowly turning away from me as she fingered the label on her beer bottle. "I just wish I knew what I did," she spoke softly.

My brow furrowed. "What?"

She let out a defeated sigh and turned to face me, the agony taking over her expression. "With James," she murmured. "I've been going over every single minute of every single day leading up to…well, you know. And I can't figure it out. I didn't do anything differently as far as I know. So how is it possible he just stopped loving me? What did I do?"

The tears in her eyes were unmistakable and all I wanted to do was just blurt out the ridiculous logic behind James' decision. She deserved better than believing she did something wrong. She deserved the truth. But I couldn't be the person to tell her the truth. That was on James. "Oh, Lily," I whispered, reaching over to cover her hand with mine. "You can't do this. You can't beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Please don't blame yourself. This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him."

She showed no sign of acknowledgment, her eyes grazing upon her beer bottle once again. "He fell out of love with me," she whispered. "It had to have a little something to do with me."

"He's been through so much and you just got caught up in the fire of it all. You have to believe that, don't you?"

She hesitated. "I want to," she murmured. "But one doesn't tell someone they don't love them anymore if they don't mean it."

I really hated seeing her like this. Lily had always been the confident, determined one. She held her head high and thrived in the face of adversary. This broken, helpless girl sitting in front of me was someone I didn't recognize. And I hated James for that. I really did. He actually made her believe that he truly didn't love her. I never thought that would be possible, but then again, it wasn't as if she could ever believe he'd be able to tell her he didn't love her without meaning it. There was no reason for her to not believe it and she was a mess because of it. If James could see her now, I had to believe that there was no way he'd be able to still stand behind his horrid decision to let her go. "I'm sorry you're hurting Lily-bean," I whispered, squeezing her hand.

She pulled her hand back pretty quickly, wiping the stray tears from her eyes as she reached for her beer and downed half of it. I knew she was trying to avoid the overwhelming remorse she was feeling in that moment and I wasn't surprised when she changed the subject. "Can I ask you something, Sirius?"

I smiled reassuringly at her, the guilt continuing to surge through me. "Sure."

"You said earlier that Remus rescinded his friendship with you," she said slowly. "Was it because of…of what happened between you and me?"

I blinked, no expecting that question even in the slightest. "Er…well, yeah. Kinda. And then some," I muttered, a slight blush appearing on my cheeks. Which was unusual considering I never got embarrassed. "He had said some hurtful things to me so I said some back."

"Like what?"

"It's not important," I brushed off as I finished off the last sips of my beer. I told Melinda to stick another two beers on my tab and started in on the full beer hastily.

"It clearly is," Lily said softly.

I sighed. "I really don't want to discuss it, Lily-bean," I murmured. And I didn't. I know I had hurt Remus with the words I spoke to him about Jillian but he had also hurt me back by all of the insults he had pulled out with every intention of aching my heart. And it was that intention that really bothered me. He had meant every word he spoke that day. Me? I was just saying things to make him mad. But he was saying things to hurt me. I wasn't sure I could ever really forgive him for that.

"I'm sorry," Lily sighed.

"For what?"

I could feel her eyes gazing skeptically at me before she finally said, "Everything. You were right before. This year…well, to be frank, it has sucked. For me, for you. It hasn't been an easy road. And I hate that it hasn't been."

"Well, that's not your fault," I pointed out with a shrug. "You can't apologize for everything when you haven't done a single thing."

"Well," Lily muttered awkwardly, shifting her gaze back down to her beer bottle. "That's not exactly true."

I cocked my head to the side. "What do you mean?"

She let out a defeated sigh, fingering the label on her bottle. "Do you…do you remember anything from…er…from the last time we were here?"

"I remember an entire bottle of tequila. And then everything else is kinda black."

She nodded, frowning desperately.

"Why? Do you remember something?"

"It…well, some of it has kinda come back to me since then," she muttered.

"Okay…"

She swallowed hard, still avoiding all eye contact with me. "You…you had said something along the lines of 'I wish there was a way we could hurt James as much as he had hurt you,'" she muttered.

Still didn't ring a bell.

"And…and I had said," she said slowly, the words curt on her tongue.

She didn't continue. "Well?" I urged.

She cringed, finally glancing back up at me with remorseful eyes. "I had said 'I bet I know a way we can do that.'"

Still couldn't remember.

"And then I believe I said we should get out of here," she muttered.

Oh! Now that sounded vaguely familiar. "Oh, hell, Lily, don't blame yourself for what happened," I urged, shaking my head. "I didn't stop it ever, did I?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea if you tried to or not because that's where the last of the memory stops."

"Please don't blame yourself," I repeated. "We both did a stupid thing that I guarantee we will probably regret for the rest of our lives but-"

"Can I ask," Lily interrupted hesitantly, "Are...we are sure we did what we keep alluding to?"

It was a question that ran through my mind because I had been hoping for a flashback that made me realize nothing happened. Except it would be denial. "Lily..." I trailed off.

"I know," she muttered. "But I keep replaying that night over and over in my mind and hoping for a different outcome."

Join the club. "It's in the past, Lily-bean," I said as a way of blowing past this. "Let's just keep it there. I don't want you to beat yourself up over it."

"How can I not?" she muttered. "I made an already horrible night into the worst of my life."

"Gee, thanks," I teased.

She shot me a look. "This is so not a joking matter."

I sighed, frowning reluctantly. "I-I have to joke about it, Lily-bean," I murmured uncomfortably. "Because if I don't, it all just…" I trailed off unexpectedly.

She blinked. "Falls apart?"

I met her gaze and nodded. "Right now, I'm just…I'm just trying to keep my head above water. And some days it just doesn't seem to work very well."

She reached out to squeeze my hand, offering me a smile. "I know the feeling, Sirius," she said softly. "And I really am sorry that I haven't been around lately. I know that we've both been through a lot recently and I think we'll need each other to get through it all."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Just maybe without the sex."

"SIRIUS!" But she was laughing.

I laughed too, nudging her with my elbow. "See? It feels good to joke about it, doesn't it?"

She smiled at me. "Why is it you can always make me feel better?"

"Because I'm awesome?"

"No, that's not it."

I scowled.

She laughed, nudging me back with her own elbow. "You are pretty awesome, Sirius," she said softly. She gazed up at me. "Thanks for always being there for me. Even when I try to push you away."

"I'm too irresistible for you to stay away for too long."

"Maybe I should go back to pushing you away."

"It would never last."

She smiled, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I know."

++RILEY++

I don't know how long I waited up for, but my eyes kept peeking over at the door waiting for the next knock and the next person to berate me for leaving. I waited and I waited. And at some point well after midnight, I realized that I actually wanted there to be a knock. I actually wanted to see them again, even if just for a moment.

I had missed every single one of them. I had missed the friendships we had shared. I had missed the late-night conversations and the drunken excursions. I had missed the pranks and the jokes and the many laughs. I had missed the snowball fights and the Quidditch matches. I had missed those days we just lounged about dreaming of the world after Hogwarts. But I never could believe that the world after Hogwarts could have gone so wrong for me.

Of which I was entirely at fault.

I wasn't allowed to miss my friends after walking out on them. They deserved better and I was very much aware of that. I was ashamed of myself for running into Sirius and thinking that "How are you doing?" were the right words to say. I had panicked when I had seen him walk into the coffee shop and in trying to slip out, I had run directly into him. It was the moment I had been avoiding since I returned to Britain because I knew there was nothing I could say or do to change what had happened in the past. But while I would always be regretful for the way I left, and I hope one day my old friends would understand that, I knew that in the end, life had to go on and it clearly had for them.

Their words throughout the day made it clear that they were hurt by what I did and understandably so. I had gotten so frustrated with them (wrongly so) because what they didn't realize was that even though they were still bitter and angry with me, I could see that my disappearance had only made their friendships stronger. It was evident how much they all meant to each other and in the end, that was all that really mattered. Every single one of them showed up on my doorstep to show their allegiance to all and you couldn't always find friends like that. I hadn't been prepared to deal with any of them that day but what I really hadn't been prepared for was the immense happiness I felt for all of them for the way they stuck up for each other.

They had it all whether they wanted to believe it or not. Maybe it didn't seem like it. Maybe they had let the war get the better of them. But in the end, I knew that all it took to survive the war was a group of people who would get you through it and they all had that. I wish I could say I wasn't jealous, and a part of me was, but I tried denying it because I knew that I had caused it. I left. It wasn't their decision, it was mine. I wasn't allowed to pretend as if I could come back and things would just go back to the way they used to. I knew they couldn't. I knew the moment I had left that they would never be the same again. Nothing I could say or do would ever change that. I knew that the night I left, a night where I lay in bed beside Sirius and waited for him to fall asleep. And I still left.

So why did I do it?

That was a question for another time.

++LILY++

I waited hesitantly outside Shane's office door the following morning. He and I had been quite good at avoiding each other since the kiss we shared, both trying not to admit that it was awkward between us.

Before I could knock, the door opened and I shrieked guiltily, jumping back.

He snickered, leaning up against the doorframe. "Eavesdropping?"

"On work?" I snorted. "No thanks."

"So are you done avoiding me?"

I frowned. "You've been avoiding me, too," I murmured.

He shrugged. "Yeah, because you avoided me first."

"So…you didn't want to avoid me?"

He shook his head. "I could never want to avoid you, Lily," he spoke openly.

I made a face. That just made me feel guiltier. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I've just been…I don't know. It's been a difficult month."

"I know that, Lily. That's why I want to be here for you. If you'll let me."

I knew he was right. And I knew a part of me has been avoiding him because it's just been easier avoiding everyone who knew me as the Lily of Lily-and-James. Which unfortunately was everyone in my life over the past four years.

Everyone except for Riley.

"Riley's back," I blurted out as I took a seat in one of the guest chairs in his office.

He froze as he was closing the door before whirling around. "Riley Gilmore?"

"No, the other Riley who walked out on all of us four years ago," I snorted.

He cracked a smile. "No wonder you look like shit this morning."

I glared at him. "Gee, it's a mystery as to why I've been avoiding you."

He laughed as he slid into his desk chair.

"Besides, that probably has more to do with the fact that I was at Blarney's until closing last night with Sirius."

He blinked curiously, his spine stiffening. "So…things are good between you two?"

I hesitated, uncertain how to answer that question. "They will be."

"You'll be okay, Lily," he spoke eloquently, shrugging matter-of-factly. "Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but you will be."

For once, I actually believed that. "I need to tell you something. Mostly because I have no idea who else to tell and you've always been there for me."

He looked clearly confused but nodded. "Alright."

"I'm having dinner with Riley this weekend."

His mouth hung open in shock. "Uh…what?"

I nodded guiltily, slumping down in the chair. "Believe me, I'm just as surprised," I murmured, shrugging. "I feel like I should hate her. I feel like I should never want to see her again. I feel like I should never forgive her. But…"

He didn't say anything immediately, his eyes scrutinizing my every move. Eventually he shrugged. "You know what this is really about, right?" he murmured.

I quirked an eyebrow. "I have a feeling you're about to tell me."

He offered me a lopsided smile. "You want to be around someone who doesn't know all that you've been through with James. Now. The past few months. The past four years. You want to be around someone who doesn't look at you and have eyes filled with pity for the way it turned out. You just want things to go back to the way they used to be before James. Because as much as Riley hurt you for leaving, James hurt you more."

I couldn't even begin to describe what I felt in that moment. I was shocked and bewildered. He knew exactly what was running through my heart and my head. "How do you always know what I'm feeling?" I said softly.

The tips of his ears turned pink and he suddenly looked flustered. "Uh…well…" he trailed off, clearing his throat. Eventually, he shrugged. "Look, obviously you have your friends. And you had James. But I spend all day with you. I probably see you more than they all do. Or did. So I know you. More than you probably realize."

I frowned. "I'm sorry I ever avoided you," I spoke softly.

He smiled stiffly. "It's all good. I'm apparently here when you go through a crisis."

"No, that's not the only time I come to you."

He shrugged. "Well, it feels that way sometimes."

I swallowed hard, hanging my head in shame. "You're more than that to me, Shane," I whispered awkwardly. I glanced up at him, noting the guardedness in his eyes. "You've never just been my coworker or an acquaintance or my crisis counselor." He couldn't help but chuckle and I smiled, too. "You're my friend. A pretty damned good one if you ask me."

He shrugged. "I know. You just happen to be going through a lot of crises recently."

I felt myself laugh. "And you've been there for me during all of them."

"Yeah, as your snog buddy, right?"

I blushed, making a face. "Glad to know we can joke about that," I chuckled.

He grinned. "Hey, I will go on being your snog buddy if that's what you want from me," he said in overdramatic eagerness. "I want to be there for you any way I can."

I laughed. It felt so good to laugh. "I'm sure you do," I teased.

His laughter mixed with mine as he sat comfortably back in his chair. "So you're really having dinner with Riley, hm?"

I nodded slowly. "I'm not ready to forgive her," I said softly. "But I'm willing to give her a chance for me to try."

"That's very big of you."

I nodded understandably.

"So my guess is that you're not planning on telling your friends."

I frowned, slowly shrugging. "What they don't know won't kill them."

He gazed at me curiously, his eyes inspecting me closely. "They will find out."

"I know," I murmured. "None of us were ever too good at keeping secrets."

Before Shane could respond, another voice retorted behind me. "You've got that right."

I whirled around at the sound of Remus' voice and felt my heart sink. "I don't like when you visit me at work."

His right eyebrow peaked. "What a pleasant greeting."

I barely cracked a smile. "The last time you visited me here you told me Riley was back. And I have a good feeling that whatever you're here for now is probably not good news."

Remus sighed, running his fingers through his hair haggardly and leaning up against the doorframe in a defeated slump. He didn't speak immediately and I knew what he had to say was not only going to be bad news, but it was going to be news that would shock and horrify me. He eventually glanced down at me and after a sharp inhale, said desperately, "Kay and Lance broke up last night."

"What!?"

I wasn't surprised to discover that Shane's own surprised voice had mixed in with mine. They were practically the golden couple.

"Please tell me it had nothing to do with Riley," I whispered, knowing the answer before Remus could even say it.

"I think you know the answer to that."

My heart sank immensely. As much as a part of me was glad for Riley's return, I had a feeling things would have been far better without her back.

"Lance knew about Riley's return," he spoke softly. "And never told Kay."

I froze, blinking erratically. "Oh, my God," I eventually whispered, my void sounding surprisingly mechanical. I knew exactly how Kay must have felt and I would never wish that upon anyone. "Where is she now?"

"At St. Mungo's," Remus sighed. "She refused to take off work. Wanted to go in to get her mind off of everything."

"Yeah, well, in this group of friends losing ourselves in our work seems to be a common theme," I murmured. I met Shane's knowing eyes before turning back to Remus reluctantly. "Myself included."

Remus didn't say anything, a frown slowly forming on his face.

I climbed out of the chair and with a dismissive wave to Shane, I said to Remus, "C'mon. Let's go grab a cup of coffee and you can tell me everything."

Remus merely nodded, following me out. As we hit the elevators, he turned to me curiously. "Are you dating Shane?"

I froze, my mouth hanging open. "James told you about the kiss, didn't he," I murmured irritably.

He shrugged. "Yeah."

I sighed. "Can we just focus on Kay and Lance and forget about me?"

He frowned. "It's just…" he trailed off, looking slightly helpless.

"Yeah?"

As the elevator doors opened and we stepped on to them, he turned and faced me. "You don't appear to be the same girl you used to be."

My heart skipped a beat as I met his gaze. I had a feeling we were both thinking about a certain mistake I made with Sirius. "I'm not the same girl," I agreed softly, averting my eyes towards the ground. "You can thank James for that."

His gaze didn't falter from me. "Don't lose sight of who you are because of what happened with him," he said sincerely, his voice filled with desperation.

"I think the same could be said to you." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and I immediately cringed.

Surprise flickered in his eyes before resting on guilt. "That's why I'm telling you this, Lily," he said carefully. "Because I know what it's like to feel lost and broken. You were with him for four years. He was a huge part of your life if not your entire life. I know how easy it is to lose sight of who you are without her…uh, him in your life."

I didn't comment on the misspoken pronoun. I merely sighed. "It's not as easy as it sounds," I murmured.

"Believe me, I know," he agreed.

"Yeah, but did you sleep with Jillian's best friend or snog your coworker impulsively after your break up?" I couldn't help but point out.

He frowned. "We all heal in different ways."

"Healing sucks."

He snorted. "You don't have to tell me that."

I turned to face him, unexpected tears threatening to fill my eyes. I desperately tried blinking them away, refusing to cry in the middle of an elevator. "Why is everyone's love life falling apart?" I whispered.

He met my gaze, his eyes twitching with heartfelt understanding. He didn't say anything immediately and I was weirdly grateful for that.

As the elevator doors opened at the lobby and I started to step out, he took it upon himself to whisper, "I think the real question is why is everyone's life falling apart?"

I glanced up at him and as I opened my mouth a few times to attempt to say anything reassuring, I inevitably remained silent. Because truth was, I didn't have an answer to that question. And it suddenly hit me that I would never have an answer to that question. Remus had been right. We were all just lost and broken.

Stealing another peek at him, I wondered if a time would ever come when we wouldn't be lost and broken.

I had a feeling I shouldn't hold my breath.

A/N: Well, that chapter certainly held a lot of information. Maybe not the information you wanted (Riley) but enough of everything else (Kay & Remus, Keegan, Sirius & Lily) will hopefully suffice. So please review!