A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! If you continue like that, I may just be inclined to update more quickly...just like now. This is a shorter chapter and sadly, the funny lines are far and in between. But considering Riley just showed up out of the blue and Lance and Kay just broke up, did you expect this chapter to be a bunch of laughs? I'm becoming very aware that this might be on its way to being the most depressing story ever...but hey, they are fighting a war, are they not? There's got to be some depression before they can get to a place where they feel even remotely safe. But that place is a-coming so don't you worry!

Disclaimer: To be or not to be J.K. Rowling. Well...I'm not J.K. Rowling but if I had the choice, I might consider it.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 30: Of Family, Blame, & Engagements

By ByeByeBirdie

++REMUS++

I couldn't tell you how long I stood outside that door, trying to figure out if being there was a good idea. Trying to figure out what I could possibly say to make any of this better. My head was swarming with so much confusion. First, with Kay. Next, with Lily. And of course with Sirius.

I sighed. Well, here goes.

I knocked on his door, the guilt weighing heavily in my mind.

A few seconds later, Sirius answered. A shocked look quickly appeared on his face. "Er...Remus. What are you doing-"

"I almost slept with Kay last night," I blurted out.

His mouth dropped open, a mixture of confusion and surprise flashing in his eyes. It took him a while to gain any sort of composure. "What? I mean...uh…I mean...what?"

I shrugged. "Did I forget to mention the part where she and Lance broke up?"

"Maybe you should have led with that."

I frowned, guilty desperation emanating from my expression. "Sirius, I'm so…" I said softly, trailing off. It was all I said because I couldn't form any words to explain how and what I was feeling at that moment. Remorse. Guilt. Confusion. Horror. Hatred. Shame. Where did I start? I had been so shocked when I caught him and Lily together but I made it even worse by the things I said to him. He may have said some hurtful things himself but he was only retaliating against me. I had been so blinded by horrified confusion that I let it affect one of the oldest friendships I had. I should have at least tried listening to him and instead, I was too stubborn to care about anything he had to say. "Sirius..." I tried to continue but again went silent.

He glanced at me hesitantly before offering me a small smile. "I know." He stepped aside and gestured towards his living room. "C'mon. You clearly look like you could use a beer."

I blinked in surprise. "Really?"

He shrugged. "We all make mistakes, Remus," he said softly.

A lump formed in my throat, my feet remaining rooted to that hallway carpet. "I'm sorry I judged you for yours."

"Don't be," he murmured. "Every minute of every day, I judge myself for what had transpired. How could I not? She was my best friend's girlfriend and I made the biggest mistake of my entire life that day. I've made some stupid mistakes, Remus, but that was by far the worst. Now are you coming in or not?"

I didn't say anything. Just offered him a reluctant smile as I stepped into the apartment.

++KAY++

I went off to work the next morning as if nothing had happened. Between me and Lance or between me and Remus. I had to pretend as if I had everything completely together because if I didn't, I might have literally fallen apart. And I couldn't fall apart. I wouldn't allow myself to do so. I would never give Riley the satisfaction of knowing she was the reason behind any sort of breakdown.

As my long day ended, I found myself outside Lily's apartment. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Remus had told her of what happened between myself and Lance, but that wasn't really why I was there. When she came to the door, a remorseful expression clouded her face and I immediately knew that she had indeed been told.

"Kay, how are-"

"I'm staying at Potter Manor," I blurted out, cringing at how horrible that probably sounded.

"Er…what?"

I sighed guiltily. "I came looking for you last night," I said softly. "And you weren't there. But I ran into Remus who took me back to his place."

"Which just so happens to be James' place," she murmured.

"I'm sorry."

Lily shot me a look. "Kay, don't be sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I'm just sorry I wasn't here for you last night."

I shrugged awkwardly. "It's only temporary," I said, ignoring any talk of the break up. "Until I find a place of my own."

"Stay there as long as you need to," she urged, a strained smile on her face. "Don't feel the need to rush out on my behalf."

I thought for sure she'd be slightly more perturbed by this news but she was taking it rather well. "Okay" was all I could think of to say.

"You want to come in?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "We could talk?"

I stiffened, knowing exactly what she meant by wanting to talk. But I had no desire to relive it. I had gone to bed the night before telling myself I would wake up and start the process of moving on. "Nah, that's alright. It's been a long day. I think I'm just going to head…" I trailed off. 'Home' didn't have the same ring to it anymore.

She frowned. "We don't have to talk if you come in."

"I know, I'm just...I'm tired."

She didn't look convinced. For a second, I thought she was going to blow past it like I wanted. But I knew she wouldn't. "I"m so sorry, Kay. I know that means nothing. Believe me, I know."

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, the tears I had been holding back all day every time thoughts of Lance flashed through my mind. "I know you know," I whispered. "And I know that I probably thought on several occasions that I could sympathize with what you were going through, but thinking what it would feel like if it happened to you and having it actually happen to you are two completely different things."

"I know," she whispered. "Heartbreak is never easy. But heartbreak from betrayal isn't just hard. It's impossible."

My heart ached at her words, knowing the sentiment behind them all too well. "How is it possible that the people we trusted most in this world can just find a way to turn our backs on us?" I spoke, my words growing hoarse.

She frowned knowingly, hanging her head in pure defeat. "They weren't just the people we trusted most in this world," she whispered. "They were our family."

Regret swelled up in her emerald eyes and in that moment, I never felt closer to her. And this was not something I wanted to feel close to someone about.

"They were our family," I repeated in a choked whisper feeling like someone had just punched me in the gut. I had been so caught up in losing the love of my life that I hadn't spent time focusing on the fact that I also lost the the guy who had become my family, my only family after mine had all fallen apart in divorce and abandonment. I belonged with him. Without him, who was I supposed to turn to?

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" she asked hesitantly.

No. I just wanted to go home, down an entire bottle of wine, and cry myself to sleep. Looking at Lily, I could see that she needed me for comfort just as much as I didn't want comfort. We could have stayed up all night reminiscing on our pasts and focusing on what led to our break ups. I could have been there for her when she needed it. I could have. But I didn't. Instead, I said, "No, I really just want to be alone."

"Okay," she said softly.

I forced out a smile. "See you later?"

I didn't let her say anything as I whirled around.

"Kay," she cried out in a hoarse whisper.

I paused, slowly turning back around to face her. "Yeah?"

"I hope you know I'm here for you."

I froze, eventually nodding mechanically. "Yeah, I know," I said.

Before she could say anything else, I headed down the hallway towards the stairwell. I didn't want to see the pity or the remorse in her eyes anymore. I just desperately wanted to forget it all. Forget Lance, forget Riley, forget the pain, forget the heartache.

And I definitely wanted to forget the betrayal.

++REMUS++

"So why don't you start with what the hell happened between Lance and Kay," Sirius sighed, gesturing for me to take a seat on the couch as he trudged into the kitchen for much needed beers.

I didn't respond immediately, not sure where to begin.

When Sirius came back from the kitchen, he frowned at the helpless look on my face. "It has to do with Riley, doesn't it." It wasn't a question as he handed me the beer.

I took a long swig of it before turning to face one of my oldest friends. "Yeah," I muttered helplessly. I sighed. "Sirius, you're not going to like what I have to say."

"I haven't liked anything anyone has said over the past twenty-four hours."

I frowned, staring at the beer bottle in my hand contemplatively as I tried to figure out a way to lessen the blow.

"Remus, just tell me."

I blinked, nodding curtly. "Riley's been back for ten months."

I cringed expectedly, waiting for a gasp or an angry yell or a string of curse words to fall from Sirius' mouth. When they didn't, I glanced up at him. Staring back at me was a hollow expression of tortured pain. "Ten months?" he whispered.

I nodded.

"Jeez."

I took another taste of beer, my eyes never faltering from Sirius. "That's all you have to say?" I said with a curious smile.

The flicker of betrayal was hard to ignore in Sirius' eyes. A frown slowly crept on to his pained expression. "I'm not sure which hurts more," he eventually spoke, his words soft and vulnerable. "The fact that she had the audacity to come back at all. Or the fact that when she did come back, she didn't bother looking me up."

His bottom lip trembled as he brought his beer bottle up to his lips, the alcohol slipping down his throat at a rapid rate. "I'm sorry, Sirius," I spoke genuinely. "I know how hard this all must be on you."

He ignored my attempt at sympathy. "Tell me about Lance and Kay," he urged, his gaze once again filling with his usual stony caution.

I obliged, diving into the story. Every sentence I spoke, more anger resided in Sirius' eyes. By the end, the fist gripping his beer was whiter than a sheet.

"Who the hell does Riley think she is?" he snapped once I finished up with Kay walking out on Lance. "She can't come back into our lives and screw everything up the way she has."

I nodded. "To be fair, I think Lance is partly to blame for this one," I muttered irritably.

"He wouldn't be partly to blame if it weren't for Riley's return."

He had a point.

"Look, it doesn't really matter who's to blame," Sirius sighed. "It just matters what Kay and Lance are going through."

My lips pursed instinctively. "Considering Kay jumped me, I have a feeling she's not doing too great."

Sirius frowned hesitantly. "We all do things we regret during times of grief."

I met his gaze and knew he was referring to Lily. "Look at us, Sirius," I sighed overdramatically. "We're a pair of pathetic bastards, aren't we."

He sighed. "Heartbreak does that to a person," he muttered. "So where's Kay now?"

"Staying at Potter Manor."

Sirius froze slightly, gazing up at me. "Does Lily know?"

It was my turn to froze, cringing inwardly. "Shit. I didn't even think about that."

"Well, yeah, a gorgeous girl was seducing you. I can't understand why Lily wasn't in the forefront of your mind."

I chucked my empty beer bottle at him, laughing. "Kay didn't seduce me. She just…kissed me."

"And if you hadn't stopped it?"

I didn't reply. Truth was, I wondered what could have happened if I hadn't let my head do the talking. I was glad I was sober enough to stop what could have happened. And yet, a part of me (a strong part of me because let's face it, I am a male), was eager to know what could have transpired between us if I had just let the so-called seduction take place. Speaking of… "Sirius, can I ask you a question?"

He shrugged.

"What is going on between you and Keegan?"

I saw the panic in his eyes grow steadily. "Nothing."

I shot him a look. "Sirius…"

"No, seriously, nothing is going on. We had our fling and now it's over. It's nothing to concern yourself with."

"Alright," I said slowly, sensing dread in his tone. "Then what did happen?"

"Who the hell knows?" he muttered. His words were almost irritably. "We figured out we had a lot in common and one thing-"

"Like what?"

He frowned, finishing off his beer slowly. "It doesn't matter anymore," he sighed, shrugging. "It was all probably stupid. Smart of us to end things now before it got any further."

I matched his frown, knowing he wasn't telling me something. But I didn't press on. I didn't want Sirius mad at me any longer. We had had enough silence between each other. As much as I thought I had despised him for what he did (and a huge part of me had), it was hard to ignore that heartbreak truly brought out the worst in people at times.

Sirius gestured towards my now empty beer and I nodded. He headed into the kitchen and it was then that I found the courage to ask the question I had been seemingly ignoring since Sirius' and my blowout. I slowly climbed off the couch and walked towards the kitchen, hovering in the large entranceway. "Hey, Sirius?"

He dug his head out of the refrigerator and turned towards me with an inquisitive look. "Hm?" he asked as he reached for the bottle opener.

"How…how did you know what I said to Jillian?" I asked in a strained note.

He froze halfway to the counter, swiveling his head around to stare at me with an expression of guilt and shock. I knew I didn't have to elaborate. I knew he knew I was referring to what was said between myself and Jillian the week before our supposed wedding day. He opened his mouth repeatedly but shut it every time in a slight panic. When he was able to slowly regain composure, he once again reached for the bottle opener. He popped off the top to each of the beers and handed me one, his eyes never leaving mine. "Don't hate me, Remus."

That was all he said. He didn't give any indication that he was going to explain as he slipped past me and headed back into the living room. I took a quick sip of beer before joining him. "I don't hate you," I eventually said, albeit hesitantly.

He met my gaze with a sultry frown. "You might in a few seconds."

My eyes narrowed slightly. "Why? What's going on?"

He sighed, placing his beer carefully down on the coffee table as he turned to face me. "Jillian stopped by our apartment the night of New Year's Eve."

I felt the blood drain from my face immediately as the beer bottle in my hand fell from my grasp. It hit the couch forcefully, beer spewing out of the top. Sirius reached over and saved the beer from spilling out completely while I stared at him, my mouth hung open in awe. I had assumed she was out of our lives for good but as it turns out, that assumption was wrong.

I didn't know what to think let alone say as I stared incredulously at Sirius. "I don't hate you," I eventually choked out. "I hate her."

He grimaced, handing me back the sticky beer bottle. I grabbed it and took a long swig. When I was done, I stared at the bottle and shrugged, finishing off the rest of it with a final chug. "What did she have to say for herself?" I dared to ask, anger seeping through my every word.

Sirius shrugged hesitantly. "Not much," he admitted. "She really just wanted to see you I think. To make amends. Closure I guess?"

I scowled. "She had four months to do that."

"That's what I told her."

I felt uncontrollable rage built up inside of me. I reached over and grabbed Sirius' beer out of his hand, putting the bottle to my lips and taking a long, necessary swig. He didn't stop me. "So she told you about our conversation then that we had the week before we…we were supposed to get married?" The words nearly caught in my throat. I didn't talk much of that day, if ever. Honestly, I would have appreciated it and respected her more if she just broke it off with me when I told her to. But she didn't. She waited until I was standing up in front of all of my friends waiting to profess my undying love to her before she ripped my heart out. And hence, she completely humiliated me. That was something I wouldn't ever be able to forgive her for. I felt an overwhelming rush of sadness fill my every vein as I recalled the almost wedding day. A day I always tried so hard to push from my mind. It rarely worked.

His eyebrow arched slowly at my mention of my failed wedding day. "Yeah," he said softly. "She…she brought it up."

I could only frown, suddenly wishing I had something stronger than beer in my hand.

"I hate that you felt it necessary to tell her not to marry you, Moony," he spoke, shaking his head in defeat. "She had been with you for four years. She knew everything about you. Probably more than I or James or Peter even know. She knew being your wife wasn't going to be the easiest road. Why did you have to put so much doubt in her head? You're a better person than you give yourself credit for. I hate that you can't see that."

I shook my head vigorously, letting my eyes shut desperately before the grief overtook me. "How am I supposed to see it when the woman that was supposed to love me unconditionally couldn't inevitably see it?" I croaked out, my bottom lip trembling.

My eyes fluttered open when I felt Sirius' hand on my shoulder. I didn't dare turn to look at him or the tears I had been holding in for months may have actually fallen. "I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered.

I shrugged. "For what? You didn't do anything?" I muttered.

"For ever bringing any of this up to you the way I had," he said softly. "You had been right that morning that you found me and Lily. About everything. I wasn't your friend that morning. Not even a little bit. I threw what had happened between you and Jillian right back in your face because I was angry at myself and it was easier taking it out on you. And I should have told you that Jillian stopped by. I'm sorry that I kept you from seeing her. Really, I'm just sorry that none of this is easy."

"I'm not sorry you kept me from seeing her," I scoffed, shooting him a look. "I don't want to see her. She doesn't deserve to make amends and she sure as hell doesn't deserve closure. I may have been partly to blame for her leaving, but I am in no way to blame for the way she left. She and I will both have to live with that until the day we die."

Sirius nodded, grabbing his beer bottle back and taking the final mouthful. "Why do people always think the answer is leaving?" he choked out in a half-whisper.

I didn't respond. Which was fine because I knew Sirius didn't want a response.

Sirius eventually turned to me, a reluctant frown spreading across his face. "Remus, for what it's worth, I know that Jillian really did love you."

I slowly met Sirius' gaze, wondering what to make of that. "I hope you know that Riley really did love you, too."

He flinched, his eyes falling from mine. He didn't say anything and neither did I. We both sat there in silence and I had a feeling that while I was contemplating what I would have said had I been the one to answer the door when Jillian knocked, he was more or less wondering what his next step was going to be with Riley.

Eventually he turned back to me, his bottom lip trembling slightly. "I really wish I could believe that, Remus." And with that, he grabbed the beer bottles and headed into the kitchen.

I knew that that signaled the end of our conversation. Which is fine because I wasn't so sure I wanted to talk any longer about Jillian or Riley. We had already wasted so much of our times on those girls and in the end all they could give us were broken hearts.

++LANCE++

Have you ever had your heart literally ripped from your chest, torn into a million pieces, thrown to the ground, and stomped on repeatedly? Because I have.

Alright, maybe not literally but it sure as hell felt like it.

I was not much of a crier. I often thought that crying was a sign of weakness. When I had heard about Riley disappearing, I didn't cry. I busied myself with my relationship with Kay. When I found out about Caleb's death, I teared up for a brief moment before pushing my grief from my mind by busying myself with sleep.

And that's what I was doing now. Sleeping away the undeniable grief I felt. The one difference between now and then? When I wasn't sleeping, I was most definitely crying.

I already missed her so much and it had barely been twelve hours. I replayed the events of the night before over and over in my head, wondering if there was anything I could have said or done to keep her from walking out the door. I tried to stop speculating and overanalyzing but it was virtually impossible as I was constantly reminded of losing the love of my life when I would roll over in bed and see her side empty.

Should I have told Kay about Riley? Perhaps. But I had been put in an impossible situation. I had my sister on one hand and my girlfriend and soon-to-be fiancée on the other hand. What was a man to do? Do you know how many times I was close to informing Kay of Riley's return? At least once a day. But I had to respect Riley's wishes. Even though she left she was still my sister and I made a promise to her.

Knowing what I know now, would I go back and tell Kay the moment Riley returned?

That's a question I would forever ask myself and a question where I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to fully answer.

When I heard a knock on the front door, I threw my blanket over my head. Whoever it was, I had no desire to see them. The only person I wanted to see was Kay and I knew it wasn't her at the door.

I shut my eyes tightly as I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door.

"Lance?"

I froze slightly, the sound of Lily's voice filling my heart with confusion. I would have thought she would have gone to Kay, not me. I slowly crept out from under my blanket and peeked my head out. It had been twenty-four hours since Kay and I broke up and I hadn't spoken to anyone. I called in sick to work (considering I was the boss, it wasn't difficult) and I ignored the two owls I received in return from Drew wondering what was going on with me. I had a feeling he would be showing up soon, either because the bookstore would finally be closed and he would want to check up on me or because someone would finally tell him what was going on. Either way, I had planned on ignoring whatever he had to say.

But Lily? She, I was not expecting.

"If you're here to yell at me or berate me or scold me or show any sort of disappointment in me for what I've done, please don't bother," I whispered hoarsely. "I already feel like shit. I really don't need you making me feel any-"

"I'm not here for any of that," she said softly from the doorway.

I brushed the hair from my face and sighed. "Then why are you here?" I asked. I hesitated. "To collect Kay's things?" It was the only logical thing I could think of.

She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "She doesn't know I'm here. I'm not here on Kay's behalf, I'm here for you."

I slowly sat up. "What?"

She sighed. "I had a feeling no one else has stopped by," she said slowly, her voice soft and strained. "So I wanted to see how you were doing."

I blinked, confused and quite uncertain I heard correctly. "What?"

She stepped into the bedroom and as I gazed at the expression on her face, I was surprised to find it matched mine. Lost, confused, and heartbroken. "I know what it's like to have everything you could ever want and in…in a matter of seconds, it's taken from you," she said softly.

I could tell how much she was still hurting from her break up with James. "Except there's one major difference between you and me, Lily," I whispered, a lump forming in the back of my throat. "I did this to my relationship. It was 100% my fault. What happened to you? That was all James."

She frowned sullenly, blinking furiously. I had a feeling she was trying to keep from any sort of tears from forming. "But what if it was my fault?" she murmured.

My eyebrow arched. "What?"

She didn't respond immediately. In fact, she took a long time standing in my doorway musing over her next words. She chewed on the inside of her lip, her gaze falling to the carpet pensively. Eventually, she let out a drawn-out sigh and said in a hoarse whisper, "He fell out of love with me. I must have done something for him to feel that way."

My heart ached for the girl in front of me. She was merely a shell of a girl. No longer the confident, happy-go-lucky Lily Evans I thought I knew. And in that moment, a little part of me hated James Potter for doing that to her.

Just like a huge part of me hated myself for what I can only imagine I've done to Kay.

"Lily," I spoke softly, shaking my head slowly. "You can't blame yourself for what happened. All you ever did was love him unconditionally."

She offered me a weak smile. "I don't even know why we're talking about me. I'm here for you, remember?"

I made a face. "I'm not really in the mood to relive last night," I muttered.

She nodded in understanding. "Can I ask you something?"

I nodded.

"Did your entire family know she was back?"

I pursed my lips hesitantly knowing she was referring to Riley before slowly nodding. "Yeah," I murmured. "We all knew."

"Drew, too?"

I met her strained gaze and nodded once again. "Not just Drew," I muttered, cringing.

Her mouth dropped open slightly. "Dezzy knew?" she gasped out in a hurt whisper.

I sighed. "Yeah, she did."

She frowned. "This is all really messed up. You know that, right?"

I snorted, shooting her a look. "I lost the love of my life because of Riley's return. So yeah, Lily, I know that this is messed up. Beyond messed up. Completely and utterly fucked up is a better way of putting it."

She winced guiltily. "Sorry, it's just…it came as a shock to all of us," she spoke softly. "And it's slightly disconcerting to find out that in fact, it didn't come as a shock to all of us. That a bunch of us apparently knew about her return. Ten months ago."

"Lily-"

"You were her family," she whispered. "After her parents divorced and her sister moved away, all Kay had was you. Now what is she supposed to do?"

I could quite literally feel my heart breaking at her words. "You don't think I know that?" I whispered. "You don't think I know how much I hurt her? How much I destroyed what we had? How much I let her down? I know, Lily. I know. I knew what I was doing the entire time and I never tried to stop it. I was too afraid of losing her so I let it go on for far too long. And in the end..."

"You lost her anyway," she whispered regretfully.

I turned my gaze away from her, blinking furiously at the tears that were threatening to form.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't need me berating you right now," she murmured.

I could only sigh. "I know everyone blames me."

She hesitated. "For what?"

I felt my heart plummet at the reminder that I was single once again. "You know what."

"It's not about placing blame," she said softly. "We were all just caught a little off guard. No one expected this to happen to you and Kay, Lance. Least of all you I"m sure."

I couldn't help but wonder if that was true. "The same could be said about you and James."

The reassurance in her eye faded into darkness. "Yeah, except no one seems to blame him," she said sadly.

I opened my mouth to argue but found no argument. She was right. He still had his friends standing by his side but there was no doubt in my mind that I had just lost all of the friends I had. And I didn't blame them. I misled them for ten months and it led to a broken engagement that really hurt their friend Kay. But how was the hurt Kay was feeling any different than what Lily was feeling?

"Was…was Riley ever going to tell us she was back?" Lily dared to ask when it was clear there wasn't anything I could say to make her feel better.

I nodded immediately. "She's wanted to tell all of you for months. She just didn't know how. And something that hasn't changed about her in four years is that she's an expert in putting off anything she's afraid of."

"She should have told us ten months ago," she muttered.

"Would it really have made a difference?" I asked curiously.

Lily frowned, shrugging. "Probably not," she admitted with a sigh. She blinked before lifting her gaze to meet my eyes. "There would be one major difference, though."

My eyebrow arched inquisitively.

"You'd still have Kay."

I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. Because Lily was right. If Riley had been up front—if I had been up front—it would be Kay I would have been talking to at that moment, not Lily.

And for that, I couldn't help but resent my sister for the first time since I promised her I wouldn't say anything.

++FABIAN++

Unlike the rest of my friends, people didn't knock randomly at my apartment door without me expecting someone so I was surprised when I heard my brother cry out, "Fabian! You have a visitor!"

I ventured out of the kitchen, confused, overhearing Sirius groan and say, "You make me sound like a lady caller."

"Oh, please," Gideon said with a smirk, "Fabian doesn't have lady-"

"Good-bye, Gideon," I scowled, shooting him a look.

Gideon snickered, heading back towards his bedroom. Sometimes I strongly considered moving out. "What are you doing here, Sirius?" I asked.

He glanced at me hesitantly and I suddenly realized that he looked very nervous. "I-I...well...I'm...I have something to tell you."

"I figured as much or you wouldn't be here."

He frowned, fidgeting as he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

I dared to ask, "Is this about Riley?"

Slowly, he met my gaze. "No," he said softly. "It's about Keegan."

Well, I wasn't expecting that. "Uh...what?"

He turned away from my scrutiny but didn't offer any further words.

"What about Keegan?" I urged, uncertain what Sirius could possibly have to say on the subject of Keegan.

He sighed, his shoulders sagging in shameful defeat. "I've been fooling around with her for a couple of weeks."

I froze, realizing that that thought hadn't even occurred to me in all of the things that may have been running through my head. "Excuse me?"

He cringed, furrowing his brow as if he hadn't realize he had spoken the words aloud. "You heard right," he muttered.

I let the words wink in, trying to figure out how I was supposed to feel about them. Considering that I had fallen for Keegan more than I thought I would, I should have felt angry or jealous or betrayed. But I didn't feel any of that. I just felt surprise. "I thought you hated her," I pointed out.

"I thought I did, too."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "So are you two dating?"

"What? No," he responded a little too quickly. "We just fooled around a bit. Past tense."

I hesitated. "Past tense? As in you're not together anymore?"

"We were never together to begin with."

I shot him a look. "Uh, it sounds like you were."

"No, we were just having a bit of casual fun. Fun time's over though."

I was still very confused by this conversation. "If whatever you two were up to really is over, why did you feel compelled to tell me?"

He opened his mouth to retaliate but nothing came out. I knew I had caught him off-guard. His mouth slowly shut as he leaned up against the doorframe pensively. "Secrets shouldn't be kept between friends," he eventually spoke, the words sounding callous.

I glanced over at him hesitantly and my next words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I can't help but think you being here is tied back to Riley."

He frowned. "She broke up Lance and Kay, one of the strongest couple-"

"What?"

Sirius winced before sighing. "Lance kept her a secret for ten months," he muttered. "And Kay didn't exactly appreciate that."

"She's been back for ten months?"

He nodded.

"Bloody hell."

"My sentiments exactly."

It was my turn to frown as my thoughts rested sympathetically on both Lance and Kay who I knew must be feeling quite depressed at the moment. And slowly my thoughts turned to Keegan. The surprise I felt that Keegan and Sirius were fooling around with other slowly dissipated as I realized how similar the two of them were. After finding out about Tristan, I had spent a lot of time thinking back on my relationship with Keegan and realizing just how closed off she had been. I had ignored it for so long because we had so much fun together, but the fun couldn't last forever without a strong foundation and Keegan and I had only ever teetered on the edge of it without ever fully getting there.

But you know who else has been teetering on the edge for so long now?

Sirius.

So maybe the two of them deserved each other.

"Don't let me get in the way of whatever you and Keegan can be, Sirius. I'm fine with-"

"Whoa, we can be nothing," he argued, shaking his head. "I said before we were just having casual fun. The key word being casual. And it was fun while it lasted but nothing's going on anymore."

"Okay, now I know that has to have something to do with Riley."

Sirius' jaw tightened so fast that I knew I was right. "The two aren't related."

I hesitated. "You sure about that?"

He scowled. "I'm suddenly regretting coming over here."

I chuckled. "You didn't have to."

He shrugged awkwardly. "I felt you deserved it. I didn't want you to find out from someone else."

"Sirius," I said softly, "if she's been back for ten months, you were all going to find out sooner or later."

He froze, clearly not expecting me to continue focusing on Riley's return. Slowly, he lifted his gaze to meet mine. "After the horrible past few months we've had, I would have voted for later."

And then he turned around and walked out.

++SIRIUS++

I thought I would have been perfectly content with never seeing Riley again. The one run-in was enough but she had walked out on my life four years earlier and I expected to keep it that way.

But after I walked out of Fabian's apartment, I knew there was still a lot of unfinished business between myself and Riley that needed to happen. Not even on my behalf (though that probably should have been addressed too) but on everyone else's. Kay and Lance had been there for me when Riley never was. I wanted to hate Lance but it wasn't Lance I harbored resentment towards. It was Riley. It had always been Riley.

I pounded on her door, my anger getting the better of me.

"Sirius," she said in surprise when she finally opened it. She glanced behind her into her apartment quickly before turning to face me. "Er…this isn't a good time for me."

I glared at her, ignoring the sounds of chatter in the background. "Yeah, well running into you yesterday morning wasn't exactly a good time for me either," I snapped.

She frowned, slowly glancing back into her apartment before choosing to step into the hallway and shut the door behind her. "Fair enough."

I matched her frown, wondering what she was trying to hide. I curiously wondered if Lance was inside. "Did you know that Lance and Kay broke up?"

Her jaw dropped, her face slowly growing white. "What?"

"Oh, I guess Lance doesn't tell you everything much to all of our surprise," I couldn't help but sneer.

Her face fell when she realized the implication. "Sirius," she said softly.

"How could you make Lance promise not to tell any of us you were back?" I croaked, shaking my head in disgust. "How could you have him keep that a secret from his fiancée for ten months? And how dare you persuade him to marry a girl you walked away from four years ago? How dare you be there to pick out the ring that Kay would wear? Who do you think you are?"

Defeat rested in her eyes. "I know you didn't just come here to berate me about Lance and Kay, Sirius," she said softly. "So please, just come out with it."

"You've been back for ten months."

She nodded. "Yes."

"And didn't tell anyone."

She hesitated. "I told someone," she spoke softly.

My heart skipped a beat. "Lance."

She nodded.

"But not me."

She met my gaze, slowly shaking her head. "I didn't know how."

Our eyes locked as we let those words sink in. I eventually turned away. "Why did you bother coming back?" I blurted out, my eyes narrowing into angry slits.

She blinked, opening her mouth to speak but slowly shutting it. "Do you really want to know?"

I hesitated. "Yes. No. I mean, I-I don't know."

She met my gaze. "Yeah, well I don't know either."

I actually believed her. "Why did you think you were safe telling Lance but no one else? Why did you have to tell the one person that had ties to the rest of us?"

She hesitated and I knew she was still hiding something. "Don't hate him for what I did," she spoke softly. "He wanted to tell Kay. Hell, he wanted to tell all of you. He told me he didn't want to keep secrets. That it was I who was good at keeping secrets, not him. I begged and pleaded with him to keep quiet. He eventually gave in. But I knew it has been a struggle for him. He's wanted to go against his promise to me so many times. But I also knew I couldn't let him be the one to tell all of you the truth. It had to come from me."

"And yet it didn't."

She hung her head shamefully. "That wasn't how I wanted you to find out, Sirius."

"Then maybe you should have thought of that ten months ago," I scoffed.

"I know," she said carefully, nodding.

"I don't think you really do," I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't think you really understand what your disappearance did to all of us. And I definitely don't think you understand what coming back is doing to all of us. It was barely twelve hours after I found out you were back that Lance and Kay broke up. You did that, Riley. Their blood is on your hands."

Her eyes trembled with guilt and I was weirdly grateful for it. Knowing she felt blameworthy gave me a sense of accomplished satisfaction. "Sirius, please just stop using their break-up as a pretense as to why you're here," she whispered. "This isn't about them. It's about us. Is it not?"

I met her gaze and slowly shook my head. "No," I said softly. "It was once upon a time about us. But today? It's about Lance and Kay." She offered me a helpless look while I hesitated. I sighed. "Well, maybe it's a little bit about you."

She frowned, her bottom lip shaking vulnerably. "Sirius…"

I shook my head slowly at the vulnerable tone in her voice. "Don't do that," I pleaded. "Don't just say my name and think that says everything. It doesn't say anything. It's not four years ago when a single word made sense to the both of us. It doesn't make sense now."

"None of this makes sense," she spoke hoarsely.

"Stop," I whispered, shaking my head beseechingly. I blinked. One and then twice. I don't know what I was trying to say but I just needed her to stop seemingly understanding.

She knitted her brows helplessly. "Stop what?"

"I don't know," I murmured. "Just…just stop being the same person you were four years ago. You're supposed to have changed." Just like I have.

She merely nodded, seemingly understanding, and started to reach her hand out to my face but quickly retracted it. Was she going to stroke my cheek? Push a strand of hair from my face? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. "You look good, Sirius," she spoke softly, putting her hands stoically by her side.

Silence followed as I tried to figure out what to say to that. Because hell, she looked good, too. But I wasn't about to tell her that. I let out a defeated sigh, crossing my arms skeptically. "What am I supposed to say to that, Riley?" I muttered.

She didn't respond, merely frowning curiously. "I don't know," she whispered.

"Yeah, well," I dithered, chewing on the inside of my lip slowly. "I don't know either."

We met each other's gazes and suddenly, the hatred that had been building up inside of me since the moment I laid eyes on her faded into nothing but regretful complacency. I wasn't the same person I was four years earlier and I wish I had a clue who Riley had turned out to be, but even though once upon a time I knew her inside and out, she was a complete stranger now. Maybe she had changed and maybe she hadn't, but in the end it didn't matter because I did.

While I would never be able to necessarily forgive her for the way she walked out on me, on us, seeing her gave me a sense of closure I never thought I would have wanted. I still harbored resentment towards her – I always would – but it wasn't about hating her for what she did. It was just about being disappointed and heartbroken. Because I had been both. That summer after she left, the disappointment was overwhelming. And my broken heart spoke for itself. I never thought a guy like me would be able to fall in love and yet I had. And she took that away from me. She took it all away from me the moment she chose to leave me behind. Leave our love behind. I changed because of it. Not because I wanted to but because she forced me to.

"Sirius?"

I glanced up at her. "Hm?"

"You should be angry with me but it doesn't seem like you are. Why?" Riley asked, her voice filled with a sense of hope.

I frowned. "I am angry," I said slowly, though my voice was steady and calm. I blinked, thinking about the moment she had walked away from all of us. From me. I had just finally decided that maybe it was time to ask her to stay. Because I had had yet to do that. I told her she needed to leave. That she couldn't turn down the opportunity. I told her we would be fine. That I would be waiting in a year. I was convinced everything would be okay. But I had never once told her that while I thought she should go, I in fact wanted her to stay. So that's what I was going to do. Because maybe she hadn't really known that I did absolutely need her in my life. And before I could do so, she had disappeared. And everything in my life came to a screeching halt as suddenly nothing made any sense to me.

"I…I had loved you, Riley," I admitted, daring to look her in the eye. Surprise flickered in her beautiful blue eyes. "And you…you just left. What was I supposed to make of that?"

"I don't know," she croaked, shaking her head. "I was just…" she trailed off, biting down on her tongue.

I sighed. She wasn't going to tell me why she did it and honestly, I wasn't ready to listen to it anyway. "Why did you come back, Riley?" I repeated. "It's a simple question and I think I deserve an answer."

Her eyes filled with slight panic and I narrowed my eyes curiously.

"Well?" I urged.

She bit down on the inside of her right cheek. A telltale sign that she was about to lie to me. "The truth?"

My eyebrow arched. "Yes."

Her lips pursed. "The truth is, I'm not so sure you want to know."

"I asked, did I not?" I scoffed.

Her lips were drawn into a tight straight line as she gazed up at me. Her eyes flickered every-so-slightly to her left hand and I felt my heart constrict at the realization of what she was about to say. She saw me staring at her left hand and quickly placed it into her pocket, as if she should feel guilty for it. "My fiancé wanted to return home," she whispered.

Fiancé.

There it was. She was engaged. She was going to get married. I don't know why that shocked me so much but it did.

I felt the breath escape my lips in a noncommittal sigh. "Oh, he did, did he?" I spoke dryly.

She cringed, shaking her head guiltily. "His…his mother is getting older and…and not doing so well. She wanted her family around for her…her last years. And when I got a job offer, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to return."

"You have a fiancé," I muttered, ignoring the rest of her explanation. It wasn't a question. I had seen the ring on her left hand. It was real. I wasn't even angry at that thought. I was just surprised. And a little defeated. Not because I wanted to get married (because hell, that was the last thing I wanted), but because I felt like in a way, Riley had beaten me. Here I was stuck living in a past relationship failure four years later and she had seemingly gotten over it enough to get engaged. "Who?"

Her jawline tightened immediately. "Sirius…"

"Stop doing that," I snapped. I hated that I still understood what she was trying to say just by her saying my name. But I wasn't going to let up. Because I knew then that I probably knew who she was marrying. And I knew I might not like it. "Who is it?"

She didn't respond, quickly turning her gaze away from me. "Don't do this, Sirius," she muttered. "It's not worth-"

"Riley, you don't get to tell me what to do and what not to do. Not anymore," I snapped. "What are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding anything," she pleaded. "I just don't know what you knowing who my fiancé is supposed to prove."

"I'm not trying to prove anything, Riley. But by you hiding who it is, I can only assume it's someone like Severus Snape or Fabrice Johnson," I snorted. Both jackasses in my mind.

She made a face. "You think so highly of me."

"I sure as hell don't."

She shot me a withering glare, which I gladly shot right back at her. She frowned, turning her gaze away from mine. She didn't respond immediately but I could see in her eyes that I had already worn her down and she would tell me. But based on her expression, I was wondering if it was better not to know.

"It's Rhett."

My heart skipped a beat. Yeah, I would have been better in the dark. "Rhett."

She nodded. "Yeah," she muttered reluctantly.

I blinked. "As in Davies."

She nodded again.

"I did not see that coming," I muttered, mostly to myself as I let out a sharp exhale. Riley was back in England and she was marrying Rhett Davies. I suddenly wondered if I was in the Twilight Zone. Everything was happening far too fast for me to even comprehend what day of the week it was. Two days ago, my life was going just fine. It may not have been perfect (hell, whose life is?), but it was the life I had become accustomed to living. And now? I felt like everything was spinning out of control and I had no idea how to make it all just stop. Even if for a little while. "How long have you been engaged?"

Her gaze softened. "A year."

"A year," I repeated. "And how long have you been dating?"

She sighed. "Sirius, do you really care?"

I hesitated, slowly shaking my head. "No," I admitted with a frown. "Not really."

She didn't say anything and I was grateful for it as I wondered how it was possible that she was able to move on so much that she was engaged while I was still so clearly stuck in the past. "Are you happy?"

She looked surprised by the question. "What is me answering that going to accomplish?"

It was a damned good question. "We used to be happy," I blurted out.

She grew pensively silent, her eyes not straying from mine. "I know we were."

"I don't think you do."

I could see the regret staring back at me and it was the first time I actually recognized that emotion emanating from her. She opened her mouth hesitantly to say something and whatever it was, I found myself very curious.

But before she could say a word, she was interrupted.

"Riley?" a voice called out from inside, opening the front door slowly.

At first, I panicked because I thought it might be Rhett. But it was a female's voice so I slowly relaxed.

Wait a minute. It was a familiar female's voice.

The door opened. "Hey, Riley, is everything—Sirius?"

My entire body froze. From my hair all the way down to my pinky toe. I couldn't even move as I stared up into the bright brown eyes that gazed back at me in a mixture of shock and horror. My mouth slowly dropped open in confusion, my eyebrows knitting in bewilderment. "What are you doing here?"

She and Riley shared a perplexed expression. "You two know each other?" Riley spoke curiously.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head with a sense of betrayal. "No, apparently we don't know each other. We don't know each other at all."

Her bottom lip trembled guiltily. "Sirius."

I glared at her. "Keegan."

A/N: Aaaaand another cliffhanger. I could discuss the way Lily and Kay are bonding over something no one ever wants to bond over. I could mention that finally, finally Sirius and Remus are back to being friends. I could talk about how Sirius for once finally did the right thing and spoke to Fabian about Keegan. I could focus on how Lily feels sympathy for Lance and just wants him to know that he has one friend. Or I could just not mention any of that because let's face it, you just want to get to the next chapter to figure out what the hell Keegan is doing at Riley's apartment.