FEELINGS

SUZY POV

I am walking towards the Pit when I see Tris running somewhere with Uriah and a bunch of Dauntless-borns. I don't blame her. After the events of last night I don't feel like being anywhere near the dormitory. I start to look in the windows of some of the shops here in Dauntless.

I have never seen so many stores and choices of things to buy. I stop in front of the jewellery store and I am mesmerised by what I am seeing. In Abnegation you only wore a watch and once married a wedding ring. Usually you would be given your grandmother or great grandmothers wedding ring because it was very self indulgent to buy such a thing. Here in Dauntless there are so many shiny gems and colours that I don't really know where to look first. I see that I will be able to purchase different shapes of metal and coloured gems to go on my pierced ears.

"See anything you like?"

I am startled out of my thoughts and look up to see Eric standing next to me with a smile on his face.

"It's all so beautiful," I say. "I never knew there was so much variety."

"You haven't seen a jewellery store before?"

"In Abnegation we didn't have any shops. Everyone wore the same outfits so we didn't have to worry about choice. It was seen as self indulgent to go to any of the other factions to shop."

"Would you like to go in and try anything on?"

"No. I don't think I am ready for that. I find it hard enough just to go clothes shopping. I think it may take me a little longer to go into a shop as extravagant as this one," I say.

"Well let me know when you are ready and we can go in together," Eric says.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"I like watching you discover new things. You start to get pink cheeks like you are remembering how you should act in Abnegation but then it is like you all of a sudden remember you are now Dauntless and then your eyes start to sparkle. Like you are going to remember the exact moment you saw something for the first time," Eric says.

I know I have started to blush. It feels nice knowing that Eric wants to spend time with me. I didn't realise how much attention he had been paying me.

"What are you doing today?" Eric asks.

"I didn't have a plan. I saw Tris leave with Uriah and some Dauntless-borns," I say.

"That's interesting, they don't usually let transfers go zip-lining with them," Eric says.

"Zip-lining?"

"They go to the top of the Hancock building and they are put into a sling and then they go down a metal wire until they reach the ground."

"I don't think I would like that. Although it sounds like something Tris would love to do," I say.

Eric gives a bit of a chuckle, "that's why they don't usually take transfers. It's a bit much for them to handle."

"I'm sure Tris will fit in just fine," I say with a tinge of jealousy in my voice. I don't mean to be but Tris just seems to be so comfortable here.

"So back to you Suzy. I was going to have a quiet day at home, cook some lunch and just relax. Would you like to join me?"

"You cook?" I ask. Surprise is definitely in my voice.

"Yes I can cook. I don't like to eat in the dining hall all the time. It is nice to have a bit of quiet every now and then," he says.

"Then I would love to join you Eric," I say.

I am sitting on Eric's kitchen bench while he works away in the kitchen. It seems a funny site to me. He has surprised me with the knowledge that he cooks and watching him I can see he is very comfortable in the kitchen. If I told any of the other initiates about this I am sure that they wouldn't believe me.

Once he has everything done we go and sit at the dining table. This isn't the first time I have been here but it is the first time we have eaten alone here. We eat our lunch in a comfortable silence.

I offer to clean up after we have finished our lunch but Eric would not let me. He said I am his guest and that he will fix it all up later. I finally get him to compromise and we do the dishes together. After that is done we go and sit on his couch.

"Suzy I don't think your father likes me very much," Eric says.

I'm a little shocked but I do remember them having words on visiting day.

"Why do you think that?" I ask.

"I asked your dad for permission for us to date once your initiation is over and he wasn't very enthusiastic about it," He says.

"I don't doubt that," I say. "Wait you want to court me?"

"Court, date whatever you would like to call it, yes I would."

"Why?" I can't believe he likes me. What should I do? I don't know about this, it's all a little scary to me. I'm sure he can see the shock written all over my face.

"Suzy you are the first girl who makes me feel that when you look at me you can see straight through me. Most girls here just want my attention because I am a leader. But I feel like you can see past that. That you are looking at me not what I let other people see but the part of me that is real. The part that I don't let others see."

"I don't care that your dad doesn't want me too. I only did that as a courtesy. I am still going to do it whether he wants me to or not," he says. "I haven't been able to have anyone in my life because of the hold Jeanine has over me. But soon that will be over and I want to get to know you better, spend time with you. Take you on dates."

"I don't understand why. Caleb left me and he had promised we were going to be together. He made me think I was special and then he ran as fast as he could away from me," I say. I don't know why someone like Eric would want to be with me when I couldn't even hold onto Caleb.

"Caleb was a fool. A little boy who thought he was smarter than the people around him. He was fake and a coward. But you are the better person Suzy and I bet you are a lot happier than he will ever be. I came from Erudite. I know what the people are like their and he will always be trying to outsmart the person next to him. He will always be watching his back wondering if the people around him like him for him or for what he can bring to the project they are working on. He is a snake so he will probably fit in really well. He not only fooled you but he fooled his family too. Don't feel bad for what he did."

"Caleb is the one missing out. Not only on you but any real happiness. They aren't happy people in Erudite; they are so busy looking down on all the other factions that they forget that there is more to life than scalpels and microscopes."

"But you think I can see through you but I couldn't with Caleb. What's to say you have made a mistake about me?" I say.

"Maybe I wanted you to see through me. Maybe I was ready to let someone see me," he says.

"Eric I don't know if I'm ready for that. What if you decide you don't like me anymore? How do I know you won't turn back into the person you were before? So much is happening and I haven't even passed initiation yet," I say.

"Suzy I think you are more likely to leave me than I am to leave you. I want someone real. Someone true. That's you Suzy. As soon as we have stopped Jeanine that's it for me, I want to be me not some puppet; I want to feel whole again. I have spent the last two years doing what Jeanine has told me to do. If it wasn't for Natalie helping me I would have had so much blood on my hands. I was lucky the day I met Natalie and I will always be grateful for her help. I would be a shell of a person if she hadn't helped me."

"I want a future and I want you to be part of that future. I can't promise that we will last but I want to do everything I possibly can to at least try. I've never been in a proper relationship so I'm sure to fuck up somewhere along the line. But that is where you come in, I know you won't put up with my crap and you will make me think about what I am doing. I need you Suzy. I want you."

"I'm scared," I whisper.

"Of me?" he asks.

"No not you. I just . . . it's just. I felt so humiliated when Caleb transferred. I . . . I had our whole lives mapped out, I thought I knew who I was. But I didn't. I planned everything around making him happy and then all of a sudden it was all gone. Now I am in Dauntless trying to get through this crazy initiation. I've shot guns, thrown knives and I've even beaten people up. My life has gone in a completely different direction and I'm scared because I'm loving it. I'm scared because I'm frightened someone is going to tap me on the shoulder and say 'you don't belong here you have to go back to Abnegation now.' I'm scared that I won't pass training and then I will have to go to the factionless."

"You will pass training so you don't have to worry about that. If there is one thing I have learnt it is people from Abnegation don't have many fears, so you will be fine. No one will ever make you go back to Abnegation unless you want to visit your parents on Visiting Day. You just need to believe in yourself Suzy. I know it hurt what Caleb did. But we aren't all like that I promise. I don't want to do anything to hurt you. I just want to see you smile."

"Thank you Eric," I say and I can't help but smile as I say this. He is right I do need to believe in myself. I lean over and I give Eric a hug. I love the way I feel when I am in his arms. I feel safe and warm and it gives me hope that I do have a future here in Dauntless.