Saying I haven't updating in a while is a bit of an understatement. I'm so sorry. Personal issues got in the way but I'm back! And fingers crossed you will be receiving semi-regular updates. Here goes!

Tony decided it would be best if he and Kate stayed at Ducky's for a while. He hoped the familiarity of her childhood home would be a comfort for her. He was struggling with the news of course he was; it was his baby too but he knew how guilty his Katie felt about it. She'd refused to stick to desk work believing she would be perfectly alright out in the field. He reached over for her hand as they drove in silence.

"So, babe…" Tony began awkwardly as Kate stared out the window at the passing streets.

"I deserve this."

"What? Kate, how you could possibly have deserved it?"

"At first I didn't want it. I was too scared and I wish it away" Kate glanced at her husband who eyes briefly flashed with hurt, "I wasn't ready, Tony and I think that's why I didn't want to do deskwork because it meant that this was actually happening and then I began to accept it and then I loved this little ball of cells that would eventually be our child and I understood your excitement because I felt it too"

Kate paused and choked on the lump building in her throat, Tony brought her hand up to his mouth and gave it a quick kiss.

"I don't want to try…at least not for a while"

"Then we don't have to" Tony reassured.

"I don't want to see Ziva" Kate's quiet broken tone tore Tony's heart.

"Why not?"

"Antonia. She just reminds me of what we had and what we lost and Ziva, she done what I couldn't."

"I'll tell her, sweetheart" Tony knew how much it would hurt his little sister but his wife needed this support and he couldn't deny her this. It wouldn't exactly be forever. The images of a chubby little baby in his arm flashed in his head and he held in the tears. She wasn't saying no. She needed time. She needed him.

Tony opened the car door for his wife as they pulled up. Tim was standing out on the lawn waiting for them. Kate looked up at him, he was already taller than her. He strolled over to them, face void of any emotion, he wrapped his arm around his sister and she hugged him like he was her lifeline. Tony couldn't help the jealous that rose up in him. She'd barely let him touch her at all. He tried to tell himself this was different, that Tim was her little brother and their love was different, Tim hadn't suffered the way they were and yet here he was wishing he'd just let go of her. He eventually did, clapped Tony on the shoulder and grabbed her bag from the car.

Jimmy smiled reassuringly at them from his place in the hallway. He didn't hug Kate as Tim did, just kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Kate." He said quietly before giving her some space. Tony always loved that about the twins. They knew when privacy was needed. Ducky didn't fuss around them either. He allowed them to make their exit after they'd pick up the premade hot chocolates. Tony remember when he and Abby had run here when Ziva first arrived. He'd had his hot chocolate and admired his beautiful wife in her short pyjamas. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to call this fine little creature his. With or without kids, he knew it would always just be her.

As they curled up in her old bed, he smiled slightly at how quickly she fell asleep.

…

Abby dived on Kate's bed startling the brunette awake.

"Oh, hey baby bear" Kate mumbled sleepily, "Where's your brother?"

"He's gone to talk to Ziva" Abby titled her head to the side to examine her best friend.

"Oh" Kate looked down looking guilty for needing the space from someone she loved, "So, you're my baby sitter instead then?"

"Nah, I got told to leave so they could talk, I'm just here because I always come here" Abby defended light heartedly.

"And you thought you'd rather wake me than Tim?" Kate smiled.

"Erm yeah, he's so grumpy first thing" Abby giggled. Kate was grateful to be being treated normally. She wanted to hug the life out the teenager in front of her but she just pulled the duvet back to allow Abby to crawl into bed beside her.

"So, what's the plan?" Abby asked while getting comfortable.

"Well, I thought that we'd just lie here until someone makes us move?"

"Perfect!"

…

Tony mournfully walked up the steps of his family home, reluctant to go in, he knew he was about to break his little sisters heart. This was something he had to do he made a promise to his wife to tell Ziva, Kate's wishes he was going to be there for them both, but at this moment Kate was his priority.

"Zee, we need to talk." Tony was unsure how to approach this with Ziva.

"Hi Tony are you ok? Is Kate? Me and Toni we were going to come visit, after her nap." Tony couldn't hold it back he wanted to be sensitive but he couldn't.

"We don't want to see, either of you, Kate doesn't want you near us." Tony Blurted.

"What? Why? Your, My brother, Toni's uncle." Ziva stuttered visibly hurt at what her brother had said, she didn't know how to feel, had they not gotten over this stage.

It broke his heart to see her so upset, she was as upset as the night at the hospital when they found Abby and her tortured and bruised, he had to deliver a blow so low that he can protect his wife as Ziva would no doubt storm in demanding answers with her fiery temper.

"My wife is more important than you are." Tony replied

"Fine, we don't need you anyway." Ziva fled from the room in a haze.

It had come out wrong. All of it. Kate wasn't more important she just needed to be his priority right now. It wasn't that she didn't want their sister and niece near them, just that she couldn't handle it right now. His wife wouldn't let him help, his sister probably hated him more than ever and his one chance at being a father and giving his own child the life he had had with his parent snatched away from him because of some lowlife criminal. All he could do was stand and stare at the spot his sister had been in a few seconds before and try and block out everything about the last few days; hell the last few years.

"Tony, what's wrong? And why are you standing staring at the drive?" Gibbs asked as he pulled up.

"Dad…" Tony's voice broke the heart wrenching sobs broke Gibbs heart, as he pulled his only son into a bone crushing hug, Tony mumbled away about Kate, Ziva, Antonia and how he was a failure.

"Son, first of all you're not a failure, second I understand Kate is your priority but you've handled the situation with your sister wrong. You should have waited for me or your mother to be there you have to remember what your sister has been through. Now go look after your wife, I'm so proud of you son, I will talk to your sister, she and Antonia will always be in your life she's just angry and hurt." Gibbs continued to hug his son until all the sobs and tears stopped.