12. I'll Be Here In The Morning
Some things change on their own; seasons transform, days turn to nights, the flow of nature running it's course.
Some things are jarred into change. You're going about your business and life just hits you with something, a new beginning, a slide in another direction. Some changes are visible in you appearance, some can only be seen by those closest to you, those who can see your insides. Some changes can't be seen at all.
I was changing. I was a girl risen of the ashes of what she once was, not a rebirth but a revival. I felt happy. I felt like I'd woken from a nightmare that had been my entire existence. I was me, refashioned.
The only time I felt the same as I used to was at night when I would dream. The dreams weren't just frightening, they were heart furiously pounding, screaming in my sleep dreams. Something in me was still broken, but I didn't feel it when I was awake. There were no snakes, no fire to consume me in my waking hours.
I was doing well, despite my night terrors. I wrote and I played with my dog. I read and reread beautiful words from my favorite authors and poets that touched my soul. I was silly with my friends and loving with my man. I was vibrant and alive.
I'd take the nightmares in exchange if I had to.