Alright- firstly, let me apologize for not doing a mailbag. I'm at school posting this on my phone, so I'm having some issues with formatting and can't really get to mailbag. I promise to answer reviews for both the last chapter and this one in the next update! Please review! :)
Jager's arms had healed, and while he was still more reserved than usual, his eyes were brighter. and he smiled. Levi assumed things had blown over- Eren was back to his usual self, his arms were clean, and he was performing admirably in his experiments with Hanji.
Eren dug into his meal with a fervor- he was left starving after expending so much energy to become a titan, and Levi allowed him the privilege of being as messy as he wanted, since he seemed to realize just how hungry the boy was. Neatness meant nothing when his stomach was gnawing with hunger.
Eld watched the boy tear into his food, expression a mixture of surprise and amazement, with just a hint of disdain for the mess with his curled upper lip.
"Hey greenhorn- you gonna stop to breath anytime soon?" Auruo demanded, but he was silenced by a look from Levi.
"Let him eat. He hasn't had anything since breakfast."
Gunther simply watched Eren emotionlessly, though he was surprised anyone could eat like they were starving like that and not be reprimanded by Captain Levi. Petra just watched Eren with a bemused smile on her face, glad he was enjoying his meal.
Levi looked up from his own meal every few minutes to make sure the brat wasn't choking to death on his spoon, but Eren was fine. The boy barely had time to breathe between the bites of food he shoveled into his mouth.
Within five minutes he was done, sighing with content and laying his head in his arms on the table.
"Petra- dinner was amazing." he said, voice dreamy.
Petra smiled. "I can see that, Eren." she reached across the table, dabbing at a stray bit of potatoes that'd been clinging to the corner of her lips with her hankercheif. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Auruo humphed indignantly before going to stand. He was secretly jealous of how Petra was doting on Eren- why couldn't she be that tender with him?
Levi sighed, trying to bite back the smile he had when he saw the stack of bowls next to the drowsy-looking Eren. Dammit- when had the brat started to grow on him like this?
"Oi. You gonna fall asleep at the table or what? Because I'm not carrying your ass down to the dungeons."
"Hmm?" Eren blinked owlishly at the Captain for a moment, before he comprehended what the older man was saying. "Oh- yeah. 'M going to bed, guys…."
"You're sure you'll be alright to get there by yourself? You look awfully spent…." Petra noticed the dark circles under Eren's eyes from the strain of transformation- everyone did, really, but Petra was the one who brought it up.
"Pfft. The kid can walk by himself." Auruo muttered, looking at Eren with disdain.
"I'll be fine, thanks. G'night…." Eren muttered, before he was stumbling out the room, his irregular footsteps fading down the hall. It was nights like these- nights when he was so tired that all he could do was fall into bed- nights when he was so satisfied with the strides he'd made in Hanji's experiments- that he forgot about the piece of glass in his pocket and the scars on his thighs.
Surprise attacks had been a tradition in the Scouting Legion since it's very formation. It was a common way for teammates to help hone each other's skills- to always expect the unexpected. It was not only a way to hone combat skills, but to grow closer to each other as teammates. Eren had become a member of the Levi Squad, and after all he'd been through, Gunther had elected to be the first to indoctrinate Eren into the tradition. It was never spoken of- only carried out.
Eren nodded to Gunther, smiling slightly, as he strode past the man in the otherwise empty courtyard, before returning his attention ahead of him. He'd learned not to expect much reply from Gunther, intense as the man was, but had also learned that Gunther still appreciated being acknowledged, despite his lack of response.
The last thing he expected was for his squadmate's rough hands to close around his throat from behind.
He was a child again, dangling limply from the man's meaty hands, fumbling to try and free his throat from the meaty flesh as spots crept into the edges of his vision, gaze pleading for Mikasa to take action long after his trachea had been cut off.
He whited out for a moment, possessed by pure adrenalin. He hadn't even realized what her'd been doing when he'd seized Gunther's hand by the thumb, twisting it despite the man's yells of pain. He was throwing frantic blows that connected with surprising force, taking the man into the dirt.
The first thing he became conscious of was the fact that Gunther was laying on the ground, eyes rolled back in his head, and blood trickling from his mouth. The second was that there was blood on his hands, his shirt was ripped, and his boots were scuffed.
Over the flood of adrenalin he managed to find sense, falling to his knees and shaking his comrade desperately.
"Gunther! Gunther, wake up!" Tears had started leaking from his eyes, his hands were trembling, and he pulled back when there was no response from the man, the implications of his actions hitting him like a ton of bricks. He scrambled backwards on his butt, looking at the blood on his hands with terror.
It'd happened. He hadn't gone deep enough, hadn't bled enough- and his squadmates had paid the prince. He'd beaten Gunther badly, the man was injured, possibly internally, but all rational thought fled Eren as he blinked, trying to gather the thoughts through the frantica static of his mind.
Help… I should get help…. Monster. Filthy, primitive…. He's higher rank than me, they won;t believe that he attacked me… dangerous, impulsive timebomb…. Levi will believe you, he's always believed you… but nobody will believe a titan over a trusted squadmate, you're impulsive, filthy, unclean, fucking waste of space titan MONSTER….
He was gasping, reeling from impact as he fell victim to adrenalin once again, frantic thoughts bubbling through his mind. He turned tail and ran, sprinting into the castle, ignoring anyone that called for him, not even cognizant of the tears streaming down his face- he'd lost control, Gunther might die, and it was all because he lacked control.
Control control CONTROL! You don't know the meaning of the word, you're weak, you don't even care about them enough to control yourself, unclean filthy MONSTER. The military police were right for wanting to execute you….
"Oi! Eren!" Levi staggered backward when Eren shoved him to the side, sprinting for the staircase. He had to get to the roof and end this before it went any farther.
Levi stared after Eren, a mixture of anger and confusion on his face at the boy's actions, before Petra's frantic voice snapped him out of his reverie.
"Captain! It's Gunther, Sir, he was found badly beaten…."
Levi discarded all thoughts of Eren, then, running downstairs to find his injured squadmate being supported by Auruo and Eld.
Gunther looked like absolute shit- scratches marred his face, blood dripped from his nose, one eyes was swelling, and he was hunched painfully, arms looped over his comrades' shoulders to keep him upright as Hanju flustered around with bandages.
"What happened?" Levi was all business, gently shoving Gunther into a chair and moving to help Hanju with the bandages.
"Jager is what happened." Gunther spat, holding a hankerchief to his bleeding nose. "I was gonna surprise attack him, it's tradition, afterall…. He freaked out. I could see it in his eyes…." Gunther looked concerned, suddenly. "Where is the little bastard, anyways? I should probably explain to him I wasn't trying to kill him…."
All the color drained from Levi's face as he made the connection between Eren's running down the hall and Gunther's injuries.
"... he was heading for the roof. EREN!" Levi was bounding down the hall, heart racing, praying he got to the roof before Eren made a decision he'd regret.
Eld blinked, looking horrified. "H-he's going to jump?"
"Eren! Erne, think about this for a minute!" raw horror was on Petra's face before she was sprinting after Levi down the halls, heading for the roof.
Auruo grabbed Eld, fairly dragging the man down the hall. "Don't fucking jump, you hear me you brat!?"
Levi pounded down the hallway, skidding around the corner to find the door to the stairway open. His heart sank, before he was taking the stairs two at a time, ignoring the burning feeling in his lungs as he ran up the steps, bursting onto the castle's roof into the blinding sunlight to find an alarmed looking Erwin speaking softly to Eren, who'd climbed onto the ledge.
"...think about this for a moment, Eren, before you make any decisions. Just take a step back and talk to me…." Erwin's voice was soft, tone gently, but Eren didn't react, simply staring over the ledge, shoulders shaking with silent sobs as tears coursed down his cheeks.
Erwin shot Levi a look, telling him to stay calm, though his blue eyes were alarmed.
"Eren. Step back. That is an order."
Eren whimpered like a child, sniffing and hugging himself with his arms, trying to make himself more comfortable in his last moments.
"Eren!" Petra burst onto the roof, with Eld and Auruo following closely behind her, looking frantic. "Come down, Eren, it was all a misunderstanding…."
Petra stepped forward, hand out, desperate….
"Take one more step and I jump." Eren choked out, voice sounding as though it's shatter any moment. Petra froze, stepping back.
Levi wondered for a brief moment what on Earth they were going to do to talk him down.
"Eren. Come here." Levi's silver eyes implored the boy, his voice was gently. Levi saw the desire in Eren's eyes- the boy wanted to come down from the ledge, he wanted to curl into a ball and cry, wanted someone to hold him, he was so confused and he was just a goddamn child….
For a moment, it looked like Eren just might step down and walk over to Levi. But he quickly shook his head, remembering what he'd done to Gunther and knowing that he was too dangerous to be kept around them.
"N-no. There's only one way I'm getting down from here." Eren breathed, eyes closing for a brief moment as he came to accept his fate. "You should've killed me in that courtroom when you first found me- e-even b-being here was a mistake…." Eren could barely choke out the words around his tears.
"This won't solve anything, Eren!" Eld cried out, desperate to reason with the boy.
"This will solve everything!" Eren shouted, fists clenching. "I-I'm a monster…. You saw what I did to G-gunther…." the intensity in those green eyes faded as he dissolved into tears again. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I've done, for all the pain I've caused you…."
"Eren! Eren, look at me!" Levi felt the words being torn from his throat in a desperation to distract Eren, to pull his focus back to him- but his words fell on deaf ears as Eren turned and jumped.
Levi's eyes widened in horror, his lips parting as he screamed the boy's name, hand racing out futilely….
For a brief moment, the sunlight framed his face- the way his hair seemed suspended , his jacket fluttered in the air for a moment, his arms were out, like he was some sort of angel…. Before he plummeted down, down, down, not even screaming as he disappeared over the ledge into silence.