– DIMITRI –

It took hours before I was able to speak to Rose alone. I noticed that she purposefully didn't tell Lissa or any of the others about her new knowledge, so as hard as it was, I kept my mouth shut. By the time everyone was back at the house – Lissa and Christian had wisely decided to postpone their honeymoon in light of the attack – I was practically bursting with the need to say something. The newly married couple retreated to their bedroom while Eddie volunteered to escort Adrian back to his own apartment after they were both treated for minor injuries. Tasha was already safely in guest housing. Once everyone and everything was taken care of, it was extremely late, but I couldn't wait any longer.

Rose was in the kitchen, spinning an empty cup between her palms as she stared out the window towards the brightly lit sky. I could practically see her mind working through the tense posture of her shoulders and the way her nose wrinkled. Her bottom lip was swollen with how much she had been worrying it between her teeth.

She barely glanced as I approached her, but I saw her eyes flicker my way for a moment. Even with her acknowledgment, she still jumped when I grabbed her hand and started leading her down the hallway. I knew Lissa and Christian were likely still awake after everything, and Eddie would be back any minute. I needed to find a safe place to discuss this with her.

I pulled her into my bedroom, softly shutting to the door behind me before turning towards her again. Her eyes quickly flashed towards the bed before giving me a hard stare.

"You remember?"

"I remember."

"Everything?"

Her eyes glanced towards the bed once more. "Everything," she sighed. "My childhood, the academy, training, Spokane, you, me...everything."

From the look on her face, you'd think that she had been given bad news. "Then why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I'm not sure I want to tell anyone, Dimitri. This changes everything but...maybe this shouldn't change a thing."

I shook my head, not quite understanding. It was way too late for Rose Logic. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have a chance to live my own life! Isn't that what we've always wanted? Freedom? I don't know if I'm ready to give up a life where I have control. I got to see with new eyes just how messed up everything here is, and I'd be walking into a life of near oppression by staying."

"So you're just going to abandon all of us? Me? Lissa?"

"No!...Maybe. God, I don't know, Dimitri!" She fell heavy on my bed, her face in her hands. "I'm not a saint like you. I don't...I can't do something just because it's the right thing to do. Not when my own life is on the line."

"I'm far from being a saint." I couldn't help think of every sin I've committed, several of them including her. "Plus, I have seen you risk your life several times for the Princess. You did so again today."

"That was different. I'd be willing to die for her. I'd be willing to die for you. But living for her...living here...that's something completely different. I don't know if I could do that."

"But..."

"I meant what I said before, about not being the same person. That's still true, Dimitri. I'll never be the Rose I was going to be before Mason died. I lived outside these walls, outside this world and the screwed up norms that I was taught to accept as a child."

She rubbed at her eyes and I sat beside her, awkwardly hesitating before attempting to rub the stress between her shoulder blades. She didn't even react. After a few minutes, she finally looked up at me.

"What would you do, Dimitri?"

"Hmm?"

"What would you do? Would you stay?"

The question brought me up short. What would I do in her position? My instinct was to tell her to stay. Part of it was my own selfish desire to keep her close to me. I had just gotten her back, in more ways than one, and I wasn't willing to let her just walk out of my life again. But, honestly, if I had the chance to live life on my own terms...

"Go."

Despite her question, she still seemed a bit shocked at my answer. "What did you say?"

"I said, 'go'. You're right. You don't belong here. You aren't bound by a promise mark. You should go."

The silence was deafening, the air thick. We faced each other, but neither of us seemed to be able to look the other in the eye.

"Fine. My flight is already scheduled for tomorrow morning." Her voice was significantly softer now, almost inaudible. "I'll...I'll call okay?"

While her voice was soft, mine was completely gone. All I could do was nod and leave before I made a fool of myself.

She deserves better, I reminded myself. She always deserved better than this life. Now she has a chance at it.

~ROSE~

"Thanks for picking me up." I lifted my bag into the trunk of Marie's old Camry with a grunt. The bag was significantly heavier than it had been when I had left and that didn't even factor into account the second bag that I had taken from the closet. I once again found myself pondering the morality of taking the bag and everything in it, wondering if this annoying game of Tetris in the cluttered car was some cosmic karma for doing so. I didn't exactly ask Lissa's permission, but technically everything I took was mine. She had just been holding on to my stuff. That made it okay, right?

"No problem. I just got off my shift so the timing was perfect." Marie acted nonchalant, but could see the flurry of questions practically begging to be asked in her eyes. Thankfully, she could read me like a book and didn't say anything beyond a few basic pleasantries.

The sun was starting to rise over the Vegas skyline. By now, everyone who would have cared at Court surely knew I was gone. I had left a note for Lissa, explaining that I couldn't stay there. It nearly broke my heart to write it, especially with a flood of memories now reminding me of every time I promised to stand by her, to protect her, to always be there for her. She didn't need me though. None of them did. Not really. They had all gotten along fine enough when I disappeared and they would be okay now. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. I promised to call and keep in touch, but part of me hoped they would slowly just forget me. I knew they wouldn't. If they had kept a room for someone that common sense would have pronounced dead, then there was no way that they would let me slip quietly into the night. Well, besides literally that is.

I had left early before anyone should have been awake. Of course, Dimitri was. He was already in his usual training outfit, the black tee stretching against his chest and reminding me of what was hidden beneath. We stared at each other a moment, but there was nothing left to say. He left for his morning run and I switched on the coffee maker. I still hated the bitterness of it, but I knew I'd need the boost to make it through the day.

Of course, Dimitri's awkward exit left me with an opportunity to grab one last thing. Dimitri had never returned my dress from...that night. He was probably holding it ransom until I agreed to talk to him. I still wasn't sure I wanted the memories associated with it, but it was still one hell of a dress and I couldn't leave it behind. I snuck quietly past his door, and just stared at the empty room for a while. It felt so cold in here.

There was almost nothing personal, nothing to mark this room as his. I remembered how his apartment back at the Academy had been the same, though I had assumed at the time it was more due to a lack of available space than anything else. His collection of books sat in a book case along one wall, with a handful of pictures on top of it. There was one with a couple of girls crowding around him, though on quick inspection, I realized that there was nothing to be jealous of. They all shared the same eyes. These had to be his sisters. While he wasn't in a cap and gown, the tape peeking from the back of his neck made me think this must have been his graduation ceremony. My own hand caressed the back of my neck where a promise mark was missing, as were several molnija. I could honestly do without the latter.

The next picture was with two older women, both looking at him proudly. His mother and...his grandmother? I think Dimitri had mentioned that she lived with them. Dimitri rarely talked about his family, but every time he did, he would practically glow. They made him so happy and I knew he missed them like crazy. Part of me wished that I could have an ounce of the familial memories he had, but my own childhood was only filled with longing, disappointment, and bitterness towards my parents...or lack thereof. They probably deserved their own goodbye, but I wondered if they would even realize I left.

The last picture was with a tall blond boy about the same age as Dimiti himself, and I would bet my entire meager fortune that it was Ivan. They looked almost as close as Mason and Eddie had been. I hated the thought as soon as it appeared, but I was silently grateful that Dimitri and Eddie had each other. Eddie needed someone to help him through the loss of our friend, and maybe Eddie finally got Dimitri to come to terms with Ivan's death.

Yeah. They'd be fine. Everyone would be fine.

You'd think that with a room as sparse as Dimitri's, I'd find the dress in an instant. Nope. It wasn't on the back of the chair where he had set it that night, nor was it hanging in his closet. It made no sense, but I checked every hidden nook and cranny I could think of, trying to hide any evidence of my search as I went. I finally checked his nightstand. I knew it wasn't there, but I was out of options.

As I opened the lone drawer, I was right. No dress. There was something else of interest though. A photo.

I had forgotten about it. It was taken years ago, when Victor had taken us to Missoula for a shopping trip before he had shown his true colors. Lissa had taken a picture of "my first day" but I was more interested in the image that she had caught behind me. Dimitri was looking at me with something dangerously close to adoration. When I had first seen it, I was certain that my mind was desperately playing tricks on me, but over the next few weeks, I believed it. Dimitri admitted having feelings for me, feelings that we could never act on, but still...they were there. I held on to that one bit of truth – and this photo – ever since. Dimitri must have found it after I disappeared, the fact that my old journal where I had hidden it then was now sitting underneath it was proof, and it broke my heart to think of him holding on to it when he thought I was gone. My thumb brushed against one of the worn corners where I was certain his fingers had traced over and over again over the years.

Pulling out my phone, I focused in on his image, almost cropping me out entirely, and snapped a picture. I couldn't take this from him, not when he had taken such care of it. I did take the journal though. With a final hesitation, I grabbed one more item before shutting the drawer and giving up my search.

Of course, the dress was the last place I looked. Just before opening the door, hoping that I hadn't spent so much time in here that Dimitri would be back or the rest of the house would be waking, I saw the smallest piece of gold lace peeking out from behind a leather duster on the back of his door. It figures. That duster was so big that it could practically hide anything. I pulled my dress from the hanger, stealing one breath of Dimitri's scent from his jacket before rushing out of the room and stuffing the last of my stolen items into my suitcase.

And that was it. There was nothing left to do...so I left.

"So...what now Ivy? Wait, you are still going by Ivy, right?" Marie's curiosity got must have gotten the best of her. I had been so lost in thought that I had lost track of time.

"Ivy's fine." My voice seemed devoid of any emotion, even to my own ears. I couldn't quite work out my feelings yet, much less my name. On one hand, I knew that Marie, and Vegas, and the real world meant a change at a real life that I could control. I wasn't necessarily talking about marriage, family, and a little white picket fence. I never really dreamed of that, not as Ivy and certainly not at Rose. Maybe one day, but I was talking about something much more immediate. College, travel, maybe a boyfriend that wouldn't cause an uproar in my community...

On the other hand, being Ivy meant leaving my family, or the closest thing to a real family I had ever had, behind. Sure, I could call and maybe even visit occasionally, but something told me that it would be a whole lot more difficult than it really should be. The grass really is greener on the other side. Rose had everything I had felt was missing: family and history. However, Ivy had the one thing Rose craved: freedom. Could I really choose one above the other?

It had been an easy decision when I had thought the other didn't exist. But when you have no other options, it's amazing what you can do to get by and survive. Now, everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams.

"So, you're staying? What about that girl? Lissa? What about Dimitri?"

Go. That's what he said and that's what I did. It was what I had been planning on all along, but for some reason it hurt to hear him actually say it. But if there was one thing I knew about Dimitri, it was that he would always do what was best for others. He knew as well as I did that this was my best option. Perhaps that should have made the choice easier, but it didn't.

"It doesn't matter. I belong here."

Author's Note

Memories are back, but all is not well with Romitri. I know some of you are probably ready to string me up because of this but I PROMISE that these two will knuckle heads will figure things up. Remember that trials leave you better on the other side :)

For those of you who have sent me beautiful supportive notes to me over this weekend, thank you. It's been a hard week and I had to skip a posting of Shadow Kiss so I could focus on my health and family, but I promise I'll be back on track for that soon. Enjoy this chapter until then.

Thank you all for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting. And I want to give a special shout out to Celestial's Star who is currently going through all my stories and leaving beautiful comments on EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. Thank you, you darling ray of sunlight.