– DIMITRI –
She had left a note for Lissa. That was it. No tearful goodbye, no begging her to stay. She slipped away like a thief in the night.
Lissa had held the note, reading and rereading it over and over again until I was certain she had the words memorized. I know I did.
...I'm sorry but I can't stay. Your world isn't mine anymore...
...Thank you for giving me my childhood. Your friendship means more than I could ever say...
...I won't forget you. Never again...
...I'll call...
She lied.
She didn't call that day or any day after. She wouldn't answer her phone. It had been a week and I'm was half tempted to take the next flight out to make sure she's alive but I know that I'm the last person she wanted to see right now.
The mood in the house has gone back to a precious dance of avoidance, as if we were standing in a powder keg and any wrong move could set off a spark. Just like her first disappearance, nobody wanted to talk about how much it hurt to miss Rose like this, but we all felt it.
Perhaps the most heartbreaking sight was watching Lissa sit quietly in one of the chairs, facing a blank expanse of wall, for hours on end. It took me a day or so to realize what she was doing, but it should have been obvious from the get go. Lissa was calling out to Rose through the bond, attempting to reach to her in a way that only she could, but judging by the tears that followed night after night, Rose was ignoring that as much as her phone.
I started feeling angry. I took my aggression out at the gym, but the silence allowed my mind to wander further than I'd let it under normal circumstances. I hated that she left again. Not just me, but Lissa and the others too. She ripped us apart and walked away unscathed. I became bitter, mad that she left, mad at her. I silently berated her, calling her selfish, weak, cowardly. I began to wish that we had never stumbled upon her that night in Vegas. I wished that I had never tracked her down in that alley. I wished that I never asked her to come back. I wished that I had never opened up to her. I wished that I had never fallen for her so completely that it physically hurt to be apart from her. I wish I had never met Rose Hathaway...ever.
I wish...
I wish...
The chain of the heavy bag gave a metallic clang as it came to a rest, and the noise echoed off of the walls. My head rested against the unnatural material covering it, making my sweat soaked skin stick to it uncomfortably until my legs couldn't support my body any longer and I collapsed to my knees.
I wish she had never left.
I wish I had asked her to stay.
I wish she was here.
I don't know how long I sat there, hiding from the world behind the cover of taped hands, but my phone eventually woke me from my daze.
Unknown Number: Hey Idiot. Answer your phone.
Unknown Number: I need to talk to you.
The number wasn't recognizable at all, and it certainly wasn't Rose as I had been hoping it was, but I was too curious to ignore it. Most likely it was just a wrong number.
Dimitri: Who is this? How did you get my number?
Unknown Number: How do you think? I stole it from Ivy's phone.
Dimitri: Marie?
Unknown Number: Of course! Who else would be texting you on her behalf? I need to know what happened. Ivy came back out of the blue a week ago and now I'm wondering where my best friend is. She hasn't been herself ever since she came back but she refuses to talk about it.
I hesitated, not sure what to tell her. Beyond the obvious issues about telling a human about the vampiric world, I didn't want to over step my bounds and share more than Rose would be comfortable sharing.
Dimitri: I don't know what to tell you, Marie. She got some of her answers here, but ultimately decided that she didn't want to stay.
Unknown Number: That sounds like the same BS that she's been feeding me. What happened? Why is she moping around? I've never seen her like this, even when she had absolutely nothing.
Dimitri: I'm sorry, Marie. She needs to tell you anything else.
Five minutes and no text back, I thought that I had finally satisfied her questions. If nothing else, I assumed that I had at least pissed her off enough that she wasn't going to bother me anymore. I tore off the bloodied tape, tossing it in the trash after checking my knuckles for any excessive damage. A chime rang from my phone as I reached for it on the bench, and I was tempted to ignore it. I didn't have any excuses to give to Marie, and I could hardly tell her the truth, but the message glaring from the screen stopped me.
Unknown Number: Her nightmares are back.
Nightmares? I don't remember Rose mentioning anything about nightmares. But that wasn't true. She did mention nightmares once, the day we first told her about the vampires in Las Vegas. She insisted that vampires were the things of nightmares. Her nightmares.
Unknown Number: They're worse than ever. She keeps crying out in the middle of the night.
Unknown Number: So far I've heard her scream for you and for Lissa the most, but she also calls out several other names. 'Mason' seems to be a pretty common one.
I let out a curse, wondering why I hadn't thought about this earlier. Of course she would be having issues. Not only did she witness a full scale Strigoi attack the day before she left, she also regained her memories, including witnessing Mason's death which was probably the trauma that made her forget in the first place.
Dimitri: She should probably talk to someone. This has to be a lot for her to take in. Does she have a therapist or counselor?
It wasn't a total lie. Rose had been through a lot. She probably should talk to someone. Of course, she wouldn't be able to be totally honest unless she was able to find some Moroi working out there, but maybe Lissa could help with that.
Unknown Number: Ivy hasn't seen a therapist in years and I don't know if that's changing anytime soon. I think what she needs is a friend.
Dimitri: Maybe you're right, but isn't that why she has you?
Unknown Number: I'm not the friend she needs Dimitri. I think she needs you.
I scoffed, knowing that I was the last person Rose needed or wanted.
Dimitri: It's a nice thought, but I doubt she wants to see me.
Unknown Number: You don't get it, do you?
Dimitri: Get what?
Unknown Number: She's terrified for herself. She terrified for Lissa. She terrified for whoever Mason is, as well as Christian, Adrian, Eddie and a slew of others. Hell, she's screamed my name out once or twice.
Unknown Number: But when she finally screams herself awake, there's only one name she cries for...
It seemed like that text bubble went back and forth as I waited for her text to come through, but I resisted pushing her. Part of me knew what would come next, but I needed to see it. I needed to see it in writing.
Unknown Number: You.
I didn't text her back. I didn't know what to say, and anything that I would have said wouldn't have mattered. Did I want to see Rose again? Did I want to be there for her through the nightmares, and the questions, and everything else that life had unfairly thrown her way? Of course. But she didn't want me. She didn't want this life. I couldn't leave and she couldn't stay.
When I finally made it back to the house, breakfast was long over. You wouldn't know it by the way everyone was gathered around the table. The moment I came into view, Lissa stood.
"Dimitri, still no word from Rose?"
I debated whether or not to tell them about Marie's texts, but in the end I just shook my head. What good would it do to get their hopes up?
Everyone deflated a little, but Lissa perked up again a moment later. "Well, we'll just have to go get her then."
"Excuse me?" Everyone else seemed about as confused as I was.
"Rose. We'll need to go get her and bring her back. You know where to find her, right, Dimitri?"
"Liss," Christian looked at her warily, as if wondering whether or not she was completely stable. It had been a long time since she had lost control of her element and the side effects from it, but it had been a stressful few weeks for everyone. "I know you want her to come back but Rose doesn't want to stay here."
"No, Rose said she couldn't stay, not that she didn't want to," Lissa argued. I didn't see how that really changed anything but it seemed to make all the difference in the world to her. "Eddie, you said that she felt like she couldn't stay because she wasn't a guardian and felt like she didn't have a place here. What if we found a place for her?"
"Like a job?" Adrian looked at her skeptically. "No offense Liss, but I don't think Rose is willing to wait tables at the coffee shop here. It's not exactly a step up from that club she's working at now."
Liss visibly winced at the reminder of Rose's current job, I couldn't help my own internal cringe.
"At least she wouldn't have men staring at her like a piece of meat," Lissa snapped, her anger so unlike her typical gentle demeanor. Christian rubbed her back, whispering something inaudible to us as she took a few calming breaths. Her new husband had a way of calming the Princess down that the rest of us couldn't match, so we allowed them their moment.
Meanwhile, Adrian rolled his eyes, not at Lissa's current edge, but at the words that had accompanied them. I could practically hear the retort that I knew he wanted to say but wisely held back. Rose would be stared at whether she worked at that club or worked here, but at least at the club she could defend herself against the men that went beyond what she deemed acceptable. It had taken quite a bit of influence from Adrian to keep her from being arrested after she attacked Lord Conta at the charity event.
"Lissa, I know you have good intentions. We all wanted Rose to stay, but that needs to be her choice and her choice alone." Eddie glanced at me, as if to make sure that Lissa wasn't the only one getting that message, but his gaze softened. "However, Lissa is right about one thing: we need to send someone to go see her."
Everyone stared at his seemingly blatant contradiction before he continued with another breath. "Hans spoke to me this afternoon. They want to include Rose in the Zevezda ceremony. They know she participated in the battle, and even if she doesn't have her promise mark, she's still entailed to her marks. They also want to give her the molnija that are long overdue."
With Rose leaving, I hadn't even spared much thought towards the upcoming Zevezda ceremony. Battles were rare, and I had only seen one or two battle star tattoos in my life. Perhaps under normal circumstances, the fact that I would be receiving my own in a few days would have been more memorable, but my mind seemed so filled with bitterness and longing over Rose's departure that there was hardly room for anything else.
Lissa was the first to volunteer, but that was quickly shut down because of the production associated with her leaving the wards. It came down to me or Eddie, and while I desperately wished he would offer to go, one look and I knew he wasn't going to show me mercy.
"Fine. I'll pack my bags. Just let me know when I'm due to take off."
~ROSE~
Bursting through the alley doors into the night air was a literal breath of fresh air. I had forgotten just how much the club could smell of sweat and alcohol. Tonight, it seemed particularly pungent.
"You really should stop using this door."
I jumped, turning to face the nearly seven foot tall shadow against the brick wall.
"Dimitri," I breathed, half in relief and half in annoyance. My hand ran along the smooth metal of the stake in my jacket, calming the last of my nerves. The action must have caught Dimitri's attention.
"I was wondering where my spare went," he commented, gesturing to the now hidden weapon.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea how to get a hold of one. It's not like they sell them at the corner store, but I didn't see the inscription until after I came here. I should probably give it back to you though," my thumb traced over the now familiar geometric pattern that I had only recently figured out was actually Dimitri's name in Cyrillic. My apology and offer were genuine, I had stolen it after all, but a quiet part of me was hesitant to let it go.
"No, please. Keep it. I had meant to give it to you anyways."
After a moment or two of awkward silence, I resorted to my default: sarcasm. "So, do you make a habit of lurking in dark alleyways for unsuspecting women, or is that just something special between you and me?"
He winced. "Yeah. Sorry. I just thought it would be more awkward if I went inside..."
"You could have called."
"Would you have answered?" He cocked his eyebrow in question.
"Maybe..." No. It wasn't like I had answered any of the other fifty phone calls from him, Lissa, or the others.
"Either way, I needed to see you in person." He bit his lip between his teeth, worrying it a little and making me all too aware of my own swollen lips from a much similar action. I shifted on my feet, trying to resolve the longing for him in other places too.
"It's a bit chilly out here; are you sure you don't want to come inside?"
"No," he wrinkled his nose at the thought, "I'd rather speak to you alone...if you don't mind that is."
"Well, you got me. What was so important that you had to come all this way to see me?"
"Actually, I have a message."
Even through my curiosity, I couldn't help feel the disappointment. Of course Dimitri would be here out of duty. I had shot him down just a few weeks ago. Did I expect him to be some fictional character from one of Marie's romance novels? Flying cross country just to beg me to come back?
No. I wasn't that naive. "Okay. What's the message?"
"You have been summoned to Court by the Guardian Council."
Author's Note
I know it's short, but I hope it's better than nothing. I loved the idea of the alley scene getting a "reprise" if you will, especially since that seems to kinda be their thing now. What did you think about Dimitri's anger towards Rose, and even more so towards himself. What about Marie going behind her back?
Also, I wanted to mention that Rose doesn't see a councilor for her struggles, but that's because I feel like it is inline with her personality. We even see her reject help in Shadow Kiss. However, I don't want to romanticize not seeking help when you need it. I FULLY recommend finding professional support and there's a good part of me that wants to scream at Rose to talk to someone who can help her sort out her feelings and emotions.
Speaking of support, I wanted to thank you all again for your continued prayers and well wishes. I am on the upswing at the moment and while life is still stressful, I'm finding ways to cope. Thank you again :D
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