A/N: I just wanted to use this time to thank everyone who has stuck with me through the Balcony series. Your reviews always make me smile and continue to drive the direction of this story. So I promise to keep updating as long as you promise to keep reviewing!

I've gotten mixed reviews on the last chapter - some love Shane and Lily together, some don't. Some love the banter between Keegan and Sirius, some don't. Some are glad to see that Riley is taking responsibility for her actions, some think it's not enough. But the one thing that you all seem to agree on is that you loved the scene between the Marauders and I can't help but agree! I'm trying to show you that while yes, they are all being swept up by the war, all it takes is a night with your best friends to keep you grounded. And you'll begin to see even more of that in this chapter and the upcoming chapters.

Disclaimer: Ohhh J.K. Rowling how I love you. But alas, I am not you. Which means about 90% of this story doesn't belong to me.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 34: Of Favorites, Poison, & the Gilmores

By ByeByeBirdie

++SHANE++

The past two weeks with Lily have been amazing. I had been hesitant for the first few days, James still weighing heavily on my mind, but with every day that passed, I was more and more into her and it was evident she was more and more into me so I finally just let my guard down and let myself be with her.

"Do you think we're going to eventually get tired of each other?" Lily teased from the kitchen table, a glass of wine in her hand.

We were supposed to have gone out to dinner but it came as no surprise to either one of us that we ended up back at my apartment. So now I was attempting to put together dinner but all I really had was a box of macaroni and cheese, so that's what we were having.

I glanced over my shoulder at her as I stirred the cheese into the pot, a smile creeping on to my face at the sight of her. She was wearing my button-down shirt and that was it. It was sexy as hell. "How could I possibly get tired of you, Miss Evans?" I argued with a smile. "Especially when you walk around my apartment wearing that."

She smiled impishly. "Oh, you like this, hm?" she said, slowly unbuttoning the top few buttons, leaving little to the imagination. "What if I wasn't wearing anything at all?"

My eyebrows shot up. "I don't think you realize what you do to me," I groaned, abandoning the pot and walking over to her to kiss her. She laughed, framing my face with her hands as she kissed me back.

"So, exactly why am I supposed to be getting tired of this?" I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers.

She chuckled, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Well, we see each other all day at work and then go home together. I have to believe there will come a day that you are going to look at me and think, eh, I'm over this."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and pulling her off the chair. "I will never think that," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist and pressing my lips to hers. Every single time we kissed, I could feel my heart race at the intimacy that sparked between us. I loved kissing her. I could kiss her all day if she'd let me.

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders with a relieved smile. "You are too perfect, y'know that? Tell me you have flaws."

I pretended to ponder the question. "Well, stocking my cabinets with food seems to be a difficult task for me."

She laughed. "If that's your only flaw, I think I can live with that."

"I also can't seem to pull of my clothes nearly as well as you apparently can," I muttered with a suggestive smile, nudging the fabric away with my finger and pressing my lips to her bare collarbone.

"We are never going to eat, are we?" she moaned, her hands tangling in my hair.

"Did we really ever think we would?" I whispered, pressing my lips hungrily to hers as my hands trailed down the curves of her body.

She shook her head. "Let's just skip straight to the dessert, shall we?" she whispered back, her arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders and drawing me closer to her.

"I like the way you think," I spoke softly in between kisses.

As we found ourselves making love on the kitchen floor, I was very aware of just how much I liked her. I had always had somewhat of a schoolboy crush on her but had suppressed all feelings out of respect for her and James. And even when their relationship ended, I kept myself at a distance because I knew it was what she needed. But how quickly things have changed. I never thought I'd end up with her but here we were. And it was going better than I could have imagined.

"Favorite food," I asked as we later sat crosslegged on my kitchen floor, the cold macaroni and cheese in bowls in our hands.

She hesitated before answering. "I'm a sucker for chocolate raspberry torte."

"Hm, duly noted," I teased.

She snorted. "You could barely make macaroni and cheese so I beg you not to try baking a torte."

"Who said anything about baking? I can buy a perfectly delicious chocolate raspberry torte."

She laughed, leaning over to kiss me. "Now that I wouldn't turn down," she spoke with a smile. "Favorite drink."

"We talking alcoholic or non-alcoholic?"

She shrugged. "Both."

"What happened to one question per person?" I snickered.

"Eh, I get to bend the rules because I'm cute," she teased.

I laughed, nodding. "Well, that I can't argue with," I chuckled. "Alright, non-alcoholic would have to be lemonade. Alcoholic would have to be firewhisky and cola."

"Lemonade, hm?"

I gazed at her hesitantly before nodding. "Yeah, my brother and I used to have lemonade stands all the time when we were kids."

She was mid-bite and stopped to look at me. "I forgot you had a brother," she mused.

I shrugged, trying not to focus on my older Auror brother who had died three years earlier. "I forget you had a sister."

She hesitated. "Have," she muttered.

I winced, reaching for her hand and squeezing it. "Do you miss her?"

She met my gaze but didn't respond immediately. I could see guilty panic in her eyes and realized I knew what she was about to say. "I miss the way we used to be, but we had fallen out of touch long before we got separated."

I smiled reassuringly, leaning over to kiss her. "I'm sorry you never got the chance to know her," I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers. "She's missing out on one hell of a sister."

She placed the bowl to her side and reached her hands out to frame my face. "You are too good to me," she whispered, letting her lips dance across mine. "Now, I believe it's your turn to ask the question."

I smiled, kissing her before letting her lean back against the cabinets and grab her macaroni and cheese again. "Hm…favorite book?"

"Little Women," she responded almost immediately, taking a bite.

"Well, that was quick," I laughed.

She shrugged, a hesitant smile on her face. "My mother used to read it to me every night before bed when I was a kid."

My smile wavered before I leaned over to brush a hair from her face, a sympathetic smile on my face. "You haven't had an easy life, have you," I muttered.

The shock shone in her eyes before she slowly shook her head. "I suppose not."

"Well," I murmured, "I can't promise I can make it easier, but I can promise you I'm not going anywhere."

She practically tossed the bowl away as her lips crashed into mine. I laughed, falling backwards against the floor and pulling her on to me as our lips met in a passionate frenzy.

"I'm not going anywhere either, Shane," she whispered as our tongues melded together.

We might have only been together for two weeks but I was falling for this girl hard.

And I loved knowing that she was falling for me back.

++LILY++

I was happy. For the first time since James told me he didn't love me, I was finally happy. Some people would call me an idiot for hopping into a relationship only a month after my break-up with James, but I wasn't going to let Shane slip away from me. It took Shane telling me how he felt about me to make me realize how integral he's always been in my life. I had always taken him for granted, but I finally realized how much I needed him. How much I wanted him. And if my break-up with James taught me anything, it's that you should always follow your heart. And my heart was leading me towards Shane.

"Stop playing footsie with me," I giggled as Shane and I gathered in the conference room for the monthly liaison meeting.

Shane grinned from my right. "Alright," he said impishly. "But if I can't play footsie with you, then I am going to have to kiss you."

I was about to argue and tell him that the other liaisons would be entering into the room any minute, but his lips were upon mine before I could say anything. I found myself laughing, kissing him back. I loved kissing Shane. Kissing Shane was easy and comforting. Every minute we had spent together in the past two weeks was a minute I wanted to duplicate for as long as possible. For the first time in a while, I felt as if everything was going to be okay.

"How about we save that for tonight?" I whispered, tucking his blonde hair behind his ear.

He slowly pulled away, the smile reaching his eyes. "If you insist, Miss Evans," he spoke, letting out an overdramatic sigh.

I chuckled and quickly forced myself away from him when the conference room door opened and the other liaisons poured into the room.

I could feel Shane's randy eyes on me the entire meeting and I had to drastically keep my eyes focused on Lunder in order to not break out into schoolgirl giggles. We were keeping our relationship a secret from everyone in the office so as to keep the gossip and the rumors to a minimum, but it was difficult keeping it a secret when Shane was looking at me the way I knew he was.

Lunder droned on for an hour while I pretended to listen, but my mind was mainly on Shane the entire time. It was as if I was a completely different person than I was only six weeks earlier. And I liked it. Shane and I happened quickly, but nothing about it felt hasty. It just felt right. Shane knew what to say and do to make me feel special and adored. He looked at me in a way I can't remember a guy looking at me in a long time, and that included James. When I was with Shane, all problems seemed insignificant. He used to be a good friend and now he was the one person I felt like I could really trust. He made me feel safe. And I really liked feeling safe.

I was thrown out of my own thoughts when I heard Lunder mention the Senior Assistant to the British Diplomatic Liaison position opening up in Philadelphia.

"Glenn Tyler will be retiring in two weeks so I advise anyone looking for a change to throw their name in the hat. I'd be happy to offer anyone a recommendation," Lunder spoke, his eyes slowly fixing on me. I put on a forced smile, ignoring the curious stare I knew I was receiving from Shane. "Alright, is there anything else that anyone wanted to bring up?"

A round of shaking heads surrounded the room and Lunder smiled. "Great. Well, please make sure you get those finished proposals to me by the end of next week. You know where to find me if you have any questions."

As I wandered out of the conference room, I could feel Shane's hesitant eyes on me the entire time. I wasn't surprised when he followed me into my office. As I slowly fell into my chair, I knew exactly what Shane was going to ask me.

"What do you think about spending Wednesday evening in Paris?"

Okay, maybe I didn't know what he was going to ask me. "Er…what?"

"I've got it all figured out. A moonlit dinner cruise just the two of us down the Seine followed by a carriage ride around the city. What do you say?"

"You…you want to take me to Paris for my birthday and Valentine's Day?" I croaked out, my heart burning with longing for the eager man in front of me.

He smiled, nodding. "Absolutely."

I was in awe. Pure awe. Here I thought he was going to question my intentions with the Philadelphia job and he wanted to plan my birthday and Valentine's Day. I stared at him, uncertain what to even say or do, wondering how I could have gotten so lucky to find someone like him.

I smiled and slowly got out of my chair, coming around the front of the desk. "You're amazing, y'know that?" I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.

He grinned, kissing me back. "I just want to make sure you have an awesome birthday and Valentine's Day."

"If you're there, it will definitely be awesome."

I saw a blush of scarlet flush to his cheeks. "You really mean that?"

I nodded. "I really mean that, Shane."

He smiled, pressing his lips to mine once again. When we pulled apart, I saw happiness in his eyes and I was flattered to know that I had put that there. "So have you applied for the Philadelphia position yet?"

I was momentarily thrown, cringing as he asked me the question I knew had to come up. "No," I spoke softly, shaking my head. "And I'm not going to."

He pulled his head back, curiosity in his eyes as he stared at me. "What?" he asked after a slight hesitation.

I pulled myself down on to his lap, shrugging curtly. "Two weeks ago, I would have. Two weeks ago, I didn't have a reason to stay. Two weeks ago, I had nothing going for me. And now? I have everything."

He looked skeptical. "Lily…"

"I don't want to go to Philadelphia," I said firmly, shaking my head. "I want to stay here with you."

A sad smile slowly crept on to his lips. "But two weeks ago, you were so set on applying."

"Two weeks ago, I didn't have you," I whispered.

"I-I don't want you to stay just because of me," he said hesitantly.

I smiled. "Yes you do."

He made a face. "Alright, I do, but that doesn't mean you should give up such a good career move."

"I don't need a career move, Shane," I spoke softly. "I just need you."

He frowned hesitantly. "Lily-"

"Don't 'Lily' me," I pleaded. "I'm doing what I want to do. Just accept it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"Stop," I said firmly, shaking my head. "Shane, it only took me 24 hours with you to realize that I don't want to go off to Philadelphia. I had felt neglected and hurt two weeks ago. I felt as if I had nowhere else to turn. I was confused and it was easy thinking I could move to Philadelphia and forget everything and everyone here. Except now there's just one problem. I don't want to forget you. I just want to be with you."

He didn't look convinced though I could tell he wanted to be. "You don't want to forget everyone," he said softly. "You want to forget one person."

I placed my hands on his cheeks, pressing my forehead against his. "That's the part you focus on? Not the part where I said I didn't want to forget you?"

He smiled, kissing my nose. "You can't not go to the States just because of me."

My smile wavered hesitantly. "Alright, I can understand that," I said softly. "How about I don't go because I don't want to?"

He didn't respond.

"Shane," I whispered, pulling back to look him in the eye. "Please don't make a big thing of it. I don't want to go and maybe it's because of you and maybe it's not, but it's my decision. I like you. A lot. If I leave, we won't get a chance to figure out what we can be. And I really want that chance."

Slowly, he smiled and I could see his heart soaring out of his chest. "How did I get so lucky?" he choked out.

I grinned. "The question you should really be asking yourself is when will you be getting lucky. The answer? Tonight."

His eyebrow quirked. "Yeah, I definitely want you to stay."

++KAY++

I knocked twice before walking into Lily and Keegan's apartment. "Hello?" I cried out, waiting for some sort of response.

No response.

"I know you're home because your door was open!"

Again, no response.

"Lily Evans, are you avoiding me!?"

I heard her chuckle before she wandered out of her bedroom. "No, but I had a feeling you wouldn't want me coming out of my bedroom naked. I-"

"Ew, what were you doing in-"

"I was changing!"

I chuckled, plopping myself on to her couch. "It's been far too long since we've hung out, Miss Evans," I spoke with a quirked eyebrow. "Every time I've stopped in here, you've been out. What have you been up to?"

"Oh, just busy," she said with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, you better not be busy on Wednesday night. I am so taking you out for a birthday you'll never forget."

Her expression froze slightly and slowly she frowned. "Er…I-I kinda already have plans," she spoke awkwardly. I could tell she was actively avoiding my eyes.

"What?" I said, slightly bewildered. "With who?"

She didn't respond, slowly dropping on to the couch across from me.

"Alright, what are you hiding?"

She sighed. "I'm…um…I'm spending the evening with Shane."

I narrowed my eyes curiously. She used vague wording but the sheepish glint in her eye told me it wasn't just a dinner between co-workers. "As in…a date?"

She blushed, not offering a response.

"Oh my God," I said slowly, a curious smile creeping on to my gaze. "Are you…are you dating Shane?"

She turned a darker shade of red.

My eyes lit up in shock. "Oh my God, you are!"

"Maybe," she muttered. "It's no big deal."

"Of course it is!" I argued, not sure what to even say or do. I was so thrown by this. I never thought Lily had any sort of attraction to Shane. And it threw me for a loop that so soon after her break-up with James, she was dating someone new. Mostly because I was still so very much in love with Lance and couldn't even imagine giving my heart to someone else. So how was it possible that Lily could do so? "When did this happen?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"A couple of weeks?" I said in shock. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She sighed and I sensed guilt in her body language. "It never came up," she lied.

I rolled my eyes. "You've been avoiding me. All of us really. What's going on?"

"I haven't been avoiding you."

I gave her a look. "Lily."

She frowned, clearly mulling over her words. "I just…I didn't know how to tell anyone."

"Why?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "Because it's…I don't know. It's kinda awkward."

"Only because you're making it that way."

She didn't respond immediately but I could see the wheels turning in her head. "I just…I don't know. I didn't know what you'd all think."

"Lily-"

"Actually, the problem is, I do know what you'd all think," she muttered, shaking her head slowly. "Which is why it's been easier keeping it to myself."

My eyebrow arched lightly. "Oh really? What are we supposed to think about it?"

She shot me a look. "You know, Kay."

"No, I really don't. Enlighten me."

She pursed her lips testily. "One word," she spoke curtly. "James."

I hesitated, the wheels curiously turning in my head. "You think we're all supposed to believe it's too soon after your break up with James? Is that it?"

She shrugged.

"Lily," I said slowly. "Do you think it's too soon?"

"No," she responded immediately, a twisted smile appearing on her face. "Did I ever think I'd end up with Shane? No. But frankly, I didn't think I'd end up with someone who wasn't James. Obviously, things change. And Shane makes me really happy. He's been there for me through everything. And I wouldn't have been able to get through the past six weeks without him. I couldn't be depressed around him. He wouldn't let me. He gave me more than I ever could have asked for. He gave me a reason to move on."

It was obvious how much she liked him. Her face lit up just talking about him and she couldn't hold back a smile. I realized suddenly that a part of me was jealous. I had had that and it had crumbled in front of my very eyes. And while I thought I was supposed to feel weird about the fact that she had moved on so quickly and she was with someone who wasn't James, the smile on her face made me happy to see her happy. "You look happy," I said with my own smile.

Her smile wavered slightly. "I am," she said softly.

I sensed hesitation. "But?"

She frowned. "There's no but, I just…"

"Yeah?"

She let out a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her auburn locks. "I feel guilty," she spoke in a remorseful whisper.

I blinked. "Guilty? For what?"

She didn't respond immediately, suddenly finding an interest in playing with the tassels on the end of the throw pillow beside her. She looked contemplative so I didn't bother interrogating her further. Eventually, she gazed up at me. "For being happy knowing that…"

My heart skipped a beat. "That we're not," I finished for her in a half-whisper.

She met my gaze and slowly nodded. "We've all had our hearts broken," she muttered, shrugging. "You, me, Sirius, Remus, Keegan. Even…even Lance and James."

My stomach tightened at the mention of my ex-fiancé.

"And I just didn't know how to tell anyone about Shane. I don't want you all to judge me or wonder how I could have moved on so quickly. And I didn't want to make any of you feel bad just because I had moved on," she muttered hastily. "I didn't want to hurt anyone even…even James."

"Lily," I said softly, offering her a curt shrug. "Just because we're still all going through heartbreak does not mean that we're not going to be happy that you're happy. Believe me, all any of us want is for us all to get to a place where we can be happy. We're rooting each other on. We're not going to be upset when someone gets there before us."

She glanced at me hesitantly. "Really?"

I chuckled. "Yes. Lily, we just want to see you and hang out with you whether you're miserable or happy. We just hate that you're avoiding us."

"Really, I'm not avoiding you."

I gave her a look.

"Alright, I have been," she murmured sheepishly. "But only because I felt guilty!"

"Well, stop," I whined. "Come to Friday Night Dinner. We can celebrate your birthday then. Please?"

She looked wary.

I sighed. "James won't be there," I muttered. "He's going to be in some all-day Auror seminar for the upcoming recruitment training mission."

Alarm appeared on Lily's face. "He's going on the training mission?" she asked with a panicked voice.

I shook my head. "No, no," I reassured. "It's for all Aurors, both recruits and veterans. They haven't chosen the actual Aurors who will be running the mission yet."

I saw her breathe a slight sigh of relief and I couldn't help but smile. Whether she had moved on or not, it was obvious she still cared for James' well-being.

"So where's Keegan tonight?" I asked curiously, steering the conversation away from James. "It seems that every time I've stopped by in the past few weeks, she's been the only one here. It's ironic that tonight you're here and she isn't."

I saw amusement resting in Lily's eyes. "Get this. She's on a date," she said slyly. "With Victor Hans."

"Her coworker?" I said in shock. "I thought she hated him!"

Lily shrugged. "Apparently hate is a quality she likes in all the guys she goes after," she snickered.

I clearly looked confused because Lily continued. "First Sirius. Now Victor. I wouldn't be surprised if-"

"Wait, what?" my voice shrieked unnecessarily so.

"What?"

"You said 'first Sirius.' What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She hesitated. "You didn't know?"

"Clearly not!"

"Yeah, they…they were fooling around for awhile. Nothing serious. Totally casual. But they were hooking up for about a month."

"I-I have no idea what to say to that," I sputtered in shock. "I can't believe you kept this from me!"

"I assumed you knew! Everyone else did."

"Like who?"

"James and Remus. The two people you happen to be living with."

I scowled. "You play dirty."

She chuckled.

"How did they…? When did they…? And what happened that they…? Damn, I have so many questions!"

She laughed. "I don't know many details to be honest. I just know that they've both had a similar history. Tristan dying unexpectedly and Riley leaving unexpectedly."

My heart constricted at the mere mention of Riley.

"I guess they found a way to…er…ease the heartbreak," she said with an amused smile.

"Hm, so I just have to find someone who also lost their significant other by them lying about the return of their sister to sleep with and my problems might be solved?"

Lily looked like she wasn't sure whether to laugh or frown.

I rolled my eyes. "It was a joke, Lily."

"How are you doing, Kay?" she blurted out.

I blinked. It was a question where the answer seemed to change every day based on my mood. "I don't know," I murmured with a shrug. "Some days I'm fine. Others are harder to get through. It's just…it's weird not waking up beside him. It hurts when I go home every night and he's not there. When I have something I want to tell someone, he's the first person that pops into my head. I-I just…I don't necessarily miss him. I just miss the life I had with him. I miss who I was with him."

Lily nodded slowly. "Believe me, I know the feeling," she said softly. "But a day will come where it won't be weird to wake up without him there. And it won't hurt when you go home and he's not there. And you won't want to go running to him with news. You'll stop missing what you had and start appreciating what you have."

I could only nod. Truth was, I wasn't sure I wanted to let go of any of that. While my heart often felt it was ripped into shreds, I didn't want to move on from that life yet. I didn't want to forget the good memories I shared with Lance, as screwed up that might sound. But it was the only thing that could ever really make me smile.

Even if that smile was often quickly followed by a frown and tears.

++REMUS++

I was sitting at the kitchen table, my feet propped up on the table with the Daily Prophet in my hands as I watched the stovetop with a ladle magically stirring the spaghetti sauce out of the corner of my eye, when Kay wandered in.

"Hey," she greeted, slipping into a seat across from me. "Something smells good."

"Spaghetti and meatballs," I explained. "You're just in time."

She grinned. "I clearly planned that."

I chuckled. "So where have you been? I thought your shift was over at six."

"It was. I went over to Lily's."

I peeked over the page of the Daily Prophet. "Was she actually there?"

"Oddly enough, yes. For a strange turn of events, it was Keegan that was out," she said with a shrug. "And get this. She was on a date with Victor Hans."

"Her coworker that she hates!?" I exclaimed, my mouth dropping open in shock.

"I know!" Kay chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. "Apparently that's a common trend for her. You mind telling me why it is you never told me about Sirius and Keegan?" Her eyebrow arched accusingly.

I grinned sheepishly. "Oh, look, the spaghetti sauce is done."

"Remus!" she whined as I hopped off the chair towards the stove.

I chuckled. "What's there to tell? They were sleeping with each other. Now they're not. Fascinating story I know."

I could feel Kay glaring at me even though my back was turned to her. "Oh, gee, please don't over-explain the details to me."

I laughed, glancing over my shoulder as I pulled the sauce off the stove and checked on the meatballs simmering in the skillet. "Sorry but I have very little details about it. Sirius doesn't talk about it. So I'm more interested in hearing about why Keegan is going on a date with Victor."

"Keegan's dating someone?"

Both Kay and I cringed as Sirius wandered into the kitchen. Damn, I should learn to keep my mouth shut. "Hey, Sirius. Want some spaghetti?"

He nodded, hoisting himself on to the countertop beside me. "Who's Keegan dating?"

I didn't respond.

"Victor Hans," Kay spoke up.

I saw Sirius frown out of the corner of my eye. "Her jackass coworker? That can't possibly be true."

"Unless Keegan was lying to Lily, it's apparently true," Kay continued with a curt shrug.

I tried to scrutinize Sirius' reaction without being obvious. "Hm," Sirius merely murmured. "I did not see that one coming. Oh, well. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. She never did know how to just be single."

"Sirius-"

He cut me off. "So did you see Lily tonight?" he asked Kay. "Did you scold her for avoiding us?"

"Er…kinda," she said slowly.

I sensed major hesitance in her voice and by Sirius' raised eyebrow, he did, too. "Kinda?" I questioned, turning around to gaze at Kay curiously. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means she's had a reason she's been avoiding us," she continued with a reluctant frown.

"Uh, because she's been avoiding James?" Sirius teased.

"No," Kay said hastily. "Well, yes. But he's definitely not the only one she's been avoiding."

Sirius and I exchanged a confused look. "You want to explain?"

Her frown reached her eyes, guilt resting in them. "Well," she said slowly, clearing her throat. "She's…she's kinda dating Shane."

I froze and Sirius' eyebrows shot up into his forehead. Neither of us spoke immediately, letting the words wink in. "She's actually dating him? Not just snogging him in the office at inopportune times?" Sirius questioned, his voice filling with skepticism.

Kay looked confused. "Huh?"

Sirius and I met each other's eyes. "Er…" I said awkwardly, shrugging. "James kinda walked in on something he probably…well, alright definitely didn't want to see."

Kay stared at me blankly. "I repeat: huh?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at me. "James saw Lily kissing Shane."

"What!?"

"Yep, right before he punched a guy for liking pink burgers."

Kay blinked. "I think I missed the segue."

I couldn't help but laugh. Even Sirius looked amused. "That's a story for another time," I urged. "This is story time-"

"That's not a story for another time!" Kay scowled, glaring at me. "When the hell did this happen and why is it that you two don't share anything with me anymore?"

"That's not our fault," Sirius whined. "You were always with-" he stopped short, cringing.

Kay's glare softened into complacency as I shot Sirius a glare. "I can't be sure exactly what happened between Lily and Shane," I said to quickly change the subject away from Kay and Lance. "Because who knows if James' side of the story is all that accurate but apparently James went to go try and talk to Lily one day and found her outright snogging Shane."

"Jeez, he must have hated that," Kay murmured.

"You could say that. He chose that night to pick a fight with a few brawny guys using the fact that they ordered pink burgers as his pretense. Really, it was clear he had pent-up frustration about a certain ex-girlfriend of his snogging some other guy only weeks after they broke up."

"He's not allowed to be frustrated over that," Kay pointed out with a cold shrug. "He was the one who told her he didn't love her."

Sirius and I exchanged a brief look, choosing not to comment. It was difficult keeping James' real reason behind the break-up a secret from everyone else but it wasn't Sirius' or my place to stir up any unnecessary drama between us all when in the end, James made the decision and had to live with it. "So how exactly did Lily and Shane get together?" I asked.

"Lily and Shane are together?"

I froze at the sound of James' voice. I slowly turned around and saw him standing immobilized in the kitchen doorway. My heart sank. "This is why people shouldn't tell me anything," I muttered, mostly to myself.

"I'm beginning to realize that," Kay drawled sarcastically.

James' face was numb and frozen. "She…I…Lily's really dating Shane?" he sputtered.

Kay met my gaze with helpless eyes before turning back to face James with a nod. "Yeah."

Our eyes were all on James. I tried reading the expression on his face with little success. He blinked once and then twice, his mouth drawn into a thin line. His eyes remained rather void of feeling as he stared out the window to his backyard. We all waited for him to say or do anything, all of us holding our breath waiting for some sort of a reaction from him. Eventually, he shrugged. "Good for her."

Silence followed. And then Sirius snorted. "You don't mean th-"

"Of course I don't mean that!" James barked, his eyes blazing with pure shock. "How can she be dating already!? We've only been broken up for six weeks!"

I couldn't tell if he was angry or frustrated or upset or hurt or all of the above.

"Four."

We all turned our heads to Kay. "What?" James asked.

She shrugged. "You were broken up for four weeks when she started dating Shane."

Okay, now I knew he was angry.

The glare he sent her was deathly. "Thanks for the clarification," he snapped sarcastically, rage emanating from his voice.

She shrugged. I knew that she still blamed James for the break up (I mean, we all do – she's just not so quick to forgive him especially since she didn't know the whole story). She actually spent as little time with him as possible which can be difficult considering she lives in his house. And when she did spend time with him, she was often short with him.

"How…how can she be dating already?" he repeated, sinking into an empty kitchen chair. "And with Shane. Bloody hell, I actually thought I liked the guy! What do you think is the easiest way to take him out? Poison or a duel?"

"James," Kay scolded. "You can't hate the girl for moving on. You-"

"I don't hate her, I hate him!"

Kay glared at him. "The person you should really hate is yourself since you're the one who stopped loving her."

Silence filled the kitchen once again. If only she knew the truth.

"Which does beg the question why do you care, James?" Kay continued, arching her eyebrow pointedly. "You broke her heart. But she's allowed to piece it back together with someone else. And you're not allowed to be jealous of that because you brought this on yourself!"

"I'm not jealous!" James lied. "I'm just…I'm…"

Kay smirked. "The word you're looking for is jealous."

James glared at her. "Okay, you can go now."

She shrugged, climbing out of the chair. She paused in the doorway, glancing over her shoulder at James. "Let her be happy, James. I know that that's all you really want for her in the end."

And then she was out the door.

"So I don't think I have to ask where Kay stands on the whole James-Lily break up," James muttered dryly.

I exchanged a look with Sirius, who let out a reluctant sigh. "She's right though," he pointed out with a curt shrug. "You…er…you did bring this on yourself."

James glared at him. "Yes, I realize that. I don't need every single person in my life to point it out," he snapped.

Sirius shrugged, jumping off the countertop and taking a seat in the chair Kay was previous perching in. "Do you really realize it though?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yes. Now back off, will ya?"

I sighed, turning off the stove. "You don't want to poison or duel Shane, James."

"Oh, hell, I definitely do!"

"You let her go," I muttered sternly, knowing that it was about time James had some tough love. "This is your own goddamned fault."

"I let her go to keep her safe," he snapped. "That doesn't mean I stopped loving her."

"Well, you might want to try because she clearly stopped loving you."

"What the hell is all of your problem?" James snapped, glaring at the both of us. "The girl I love is dating someone else! That is like a bloody dagger to the heart and you are all telling me shit that I really don't want to hear right now!"

"The girl you love who you told the opposite," Sirius muttered.

"Oh screw you!" James barked, glaring at his best friend. "Yes, did I say what I thought I had to in order to keep her alive? Yes! I know that and I don't need you two reminding me of that after finding out that she is dating someone else. Bloody hell, if it had been Jillian or Riley dating someone else I would have been there with a bottle of tequila and stories of hate about them. You guys are-"

"The difference there is that it was their fault for leaving. 100%. They were the ones who did the breaking of the hearts," I snapped irritably. I wasn't going to allow James to act like Lily moving on was the worst thing that could have happened to him when I guarantee she had thought James breaking her heart was the worst thing that could have happened to her. "But you? You don't get to act like a crazy, jealous ex-boyfriend. You wanted this. You wanted to let her go. You're just angry that she was able to let you go so quickly."

James opened his mouth to clearly argue, his eyes cross with angry defensiveness. But his mouth quickly shut and he slumped down in the chair, the defeat settling in. "I really hate it when you're right," he whispered.

I merely shrugged.

"I-I did want this," he murmured softly. "I wanted to be able to live separate lives. I wanted her to move on. I wanted her to let me go. I just…"

"Didn't realize how much it would hurt once she did?" Sirius suggested.

It still threw me for a loop when Sirius said something so wise.

James met Sirius' gaze and nodded. "I'm not prepared for it. I-I was still just trying to get used to the idea of us not being together and to…to find out that she's…" he trailed off, shrugging. He shifted his weight awkwardly, clearing the lump out of his throat with a strangled grunt. "Dating. Shane. Bloody hell." He let out a deep sigh, the anger that was once in his voice fading into pure agony. "It just…it sucks," he whispered hoarsely.

"We know that," I said softly. "You're allowed to be upset."

"Apparently not according to Kay," he murmured.

"No," Sirius quickly corrected. "You're not allowed to be jealous. You can be upset. Hell, I'm upset for you. It does suck. We know that it sucks. Believe me, we know. But…but what can you do?"

"Poison or duel him?"

That time, Sirius and I laughed. "That's not going to change anything," I pointed out.

James let out a heavy sigh. He didn't respond but I saw the defeat in every inch of his facial expression. "Yeah," he murmured, his bottom lip trembling with the heavy realization of it all. "I know."

I tried to think of something comforting to say but before I could even remotely find the right words to say, James was picking himself off the chair and walking out.

++JAMES++

Everything inside of me was numb. Which in the end, I was fine with because it was better than feeling the pain that I knew was hiding underneath the numbness. The only girl I had ever loved, the only girl I knew I'd ever love, was with another guy.

And it was all my fault.

This was what I wanted. I wanted her to live her own life. I wanted her to move on so I could rationalize the fact that I let her go for a reason. If she was with someone else, she wouldn't be the target of Voldemort's plans anymore. She'd be off his radar. That was the plan. It had been the plan all along. I just didn't realize how much the plan would hurt.

What was I supposed to do? I wanted to run to her and tell her all the things I had been keeping inside. I wanted to apologize and I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to go against everything my head was saying and stop blocking out my heart.

But it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about what I needed. And I needed to know that she was always going to be safe.

Unfortunately that meant she couldn't be with me.

I just didn't realize that meant being with Shane.

There were times throughout that night I felt the overwhelming urge to cry into my knees, but I somehow held it together. Because I knew the moment I let myself go, I'd probably never stop.

This was my life and Lily was no longer a part of it. I had to start getting used to that no matter how hard I knew it would be.

"Hey."

I glanced over at Sirius and Remus. "What is this, an ambush?"

The two of them exchanged looks. "No," Sirius said hesitantly. "It would only be an ambush if Wormtail were here."

My eyes narrowed at the waver in his voice. I sighed. "Peter is behind you, isn't he."

Silence until – "They dragged me here!" Peter called out from behind the two of them.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine, guys."

"Oh, like hell you are," Sirius snorted. "But we have the answer for you."

"I'm not going to a strip club."

He scowled. "Why do all of you always turn down my ideas?"

"Because they typically always consist of a strip club," Remus drawled.

"And?"

Remus shoved him playfully, making his way on to the balcony. "I was only going to go along with the strip club plan if that's what you wanted, Prongs. I was all for a typical Blarney's trip."

"I second that!" Peter called from inside.

"Mate, when was the last time you saw a naked chick?" Sirius snorted towards Peter's direction.

"Oh, gee, I'm sorry that I don't choose to be lazy and knock on the door across the hall from me just because it's an easy lay."

Remus burst into laughter and my eyes widened in amused shock.

"You are dead, Wormtail!" Sirius barked, rushing out of the balcony door. I heard Peter emit a squeak and loud footsteps fading as they headed towards the stairwell.

Remus' smile didn't disappear as he turned to me. "C'mon, let's go to Blarney's."

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to, but as I thought about it, it was either have a night away with my best friends in the world or continue to spend the night immersed with thoughts of Lily.

I decided to go with the former.

"Alright, fine, but you are buying me a drink."

"Uh…why?"

I snickered, climbing off the bench. "Because I said so."

"Oh, good reason," he snorted, clapping me on the back as we headed through the bedroom. A laugh escaped his lips as we heard Peter's voice taunting Sirius from the downstairs foyer. Remus and I rushed down the stairwell to find the two of them chasing one another around the dining room table. Peter was tossing candlestick holders in Sirius' direction, who was ducking them and tossing chairs around to cause any sort of obstacle.

"CHILDREN!" I cried out.

Peter and Sirius froze, turning towards me with sheepish grins. "Er…you weren't partial to those candlestick holders were you?" Peter asked guiltily.

"No, but I was partial to those chairs."

Sirius glanced down. "Really? This one's kinda falling apart."

"That's because you're tossing it around!"

He hesitated. "Right, that might have something to do with it. So Blarney's?"

"You owe me a chair."

"How about I buy you a drink and we call it even?"

I pretended to ponder it. "Make it two and you've got a deal."

"You think I'm made of money?"

I glared at him.

"Er…two drinks it is."

I rolled my eyes while my other two friends couldn't help but laugh.

"Y'know," Sirius mentioned as he led the way out of the room. "This is the first time in four years that we are all single at the same time. We could have fun with this."

"Yeah, let's hope your second cousins show up at the bar tonight."

I laughed as Sirius smacked Remus in the head.

++SIRIUS++

It had been far too long since the Marauders had ventured to Blarney's together, just the four of us. It seemed like brooding alone was something we had all chosen instead. Or at least James (Lily – enough said), Remus (I think he's realized we're all kinda slipping away), and myself (both with Riley and, not that I would admit it, but I had some major sexual tension all due to one Keegan Rouge as well). I had no idea what Peter was up to but he barely came around anymore. He could have been brooding but I wouldn't know what about.

"So what's the topic of conversation on this Marauder excursion?" Peter questioned curiously.

It was a smart question. "Not Riley," I muttered.

"Or Lily," James chimed in.

"Or any of the other Gilmores," Remus spoke. He hesitated, glancing at James. "Maybe we should steer clear of Dezzy, too."

Peter looked contemplative. "Alright, so we're stuck with weather or work?" he teased.

The rest of us exchanged glances before Remus shrugged. "It has been rather warm for February."

Peter groaned. "We are not talking about the weather!"

"You brought it up!"

Peter rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer, turning to face me. "Alright, what about the topic of Valentine's Day? What girl have you pinned down for Wednesday, Sirius?"

I hesitated, my hand tightening around my beer bottle. I could feel James and Remus staring at me with intense scrutiny. I took a sip of the beer before saying, "No one. I'm sitting this year's Valentine's Day out."

Peter's eyebrows arched in shock. "Er…run that by me again?"

I shrugged. "I'm going on strike this year. No Valentine's Day for me."

"You're not going on a date?"

"Nope."

"What about going to Blarney's on Wednesday picking up all of those lonely single chicks?"

"Nope."

"Are you feeling alright?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just peachy."

"Have any run-ins with Keegan recently?" Remus asked casually.

I shot him a look. "We're not talking about her tonight either."

He snorted. "So that really does leave us with the weather," Remus pointed out with a sheepish grin.

"We're pathetic," Peter whined. "We're the Marauders! We shouldn't have to resort to talking about the weather!"

"Oh, hell. What's even more pathetic is that Peter is right," I pointed out. "Alright, it's time to play Who Is James Going Home With Tonight."

"Excuse me?" James drawled dryly. "I am not partaking in that game."

"Of course you're not. It's going to be up to Remus, Peter, and me to choose someone. That's how the game works."

"You're not playing that game!" he whined.

"What about the brunette with the yellow top in the corner?" Remus chimed in.

"Remus!" James cried out in shock.

Remus grinned, finishing off his beer. "What? This is a much better idea than talking about the weather."

"I say the redhead at the bar with the sparkly shirt," Peter spoke. "We all know James likes redheads."

"PETER!"

We all laughed. "Oooh, I call dibs on the hot curly-haired blonde who just walked in," I spoke up, my eyes lighting up.

"I thought this was Who Is James Going Home With Tonight," Remus pointed out.

I shrugged. "We're all single, remember?"

Remus hesitated, meeting Peter's gaze. "In that case, I call dibs on the blonde's friend. The brunette with the scarf."

I let out a sigh of relief when I saw James chuckle beside me. I knew he'd never be able to forget the fact that Lily had moved on to Shane but I was going to try my damnedest to get him to enjoy the life he chose for himself. One without Lily.

"You guys are too much," he spoke, shaking his head in amusement.

"Another round?" Remus suggested.

We all nodded as he hopped of his stool and headed to the bar. "Alright, what's the game plan for Who Is James Going Home With Tonight?" I asked, my eyebrow arching.

"There's no game plan!" James argued, scrunching up his nose. "I am not hitting on random women."

"That's alright. We'll just do it for you," Peter chimed in. I grinned and high-fived him.

"So did we decide on the brunette or the redhead?" I asked.

"NEITHER!"

"I say we go for both and see which one bites," Peter suggested, ignoring James.

"I sometimes really hate all of you," James muttered.

"Now that sounds like an idea, Wormtail!"

"Really, really hate you."

Remus wandered back over and dispersed the four beers. "What ploys are we using tonight, Sirius?"

"No ploys!" James argued.

"I saw we go for the straight shooting. No pick-up lines. No lies. Just the honest truth about how awesome we are."

Remus, James, and Peter stared at me in disbelief.

I grinned. "Totally kidding. Who wants to play the part of the Minister of Magic's grandson?"

"You guys are so embarrassing," James said, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

As we began to game plan, I heard Remus mutter "Uh-oh" under his breath.

"Hm?" I asked.

He sighed, nodding towards the door. "Er…the Gilmores just walked in."

My heart skipped a beat. "Including…?"

He nodded curtly. "Including."

James, Peter, and I slowly turned around to face the door and sure enough walking through the door was Rafe, Lance, Drew, & noneother than Riley.

"You've got to be kidding me," James scowled. "This is our bar!"

"How dare they bring her here," I snapped, anger and frustration surging through my every vein.

"Maybe we should go elsewhere," Remus suggested nervously.

"Hell no!" I barked. "I am not letting her run us out of our home turf."

"Blarney's is our turf now?"

"It's more ours than hers!" I scoffed.

"The game has now changed from Who Is James Going Home With Tonight to I'm Going to Kick Their Asses," James hissed, jumping off his stool.

Remus grabbed a hold of the back of his shirt. "You are going to do no such thing. You've already started one fight in this bar in the past month. If you start another, you'll be kicked out for life. Sit your pretty little arse down and stop acting like a petulant child."

"I am not acting!" James whined, earning a laugh out of all of us.

"James," Remus urged, always the logical one. "Sit down, will ya?"

James cursed under his breath but reluctantly took a seat back down. "And just when I was actually starting to have fun."

Remus snorted. "No, you weren't. Let's face it. You were hoping for a distraction so we would all forget about Who Is James Going Home With Tonight."

James hesitated. "Well, I didn't want this kind of distraction."

The rest of us couldn't help but laugh at the pout on his face. "Alright, time for a new game called-"

"Sirius Is Going To Kick Their Asses?" James suggested.

I snickered. "No. It's called Let's Make Fun Of What Riley Is Wearing."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Really? That's the name of the game?"

I glared at him. "That didn't sound like you making fun of her outfit."

"I'd prefer the Who Is James Going Home With Tonight game."

"I don't," James snorted. "Why the hell is she wearing brown boots with a black top? Didn't she learn fashion while in Australia?"

Remus groaned, shaking his head. "I can't believe this is what we've become. Shallow mockers who apparently know that black and brown shouldn't be mixed."

"And she looks like a boy with her hair up in a bun like that," I muttered, wanting nothing more than to disappear before she saw us. But I meant what I said. I wasn't about to let her run me out of my own bar. She walked out on me in the past. I wasn't about to do it right back at her just to take some sort of high road.

"I've got an idea," I muttered as I watched Lance separate from his siblings and head to the bar. I hopped off my chair and rushed off towards Lance. I heard Remus and Peter protest behind me but ignored them. Apparently James did, too, as he was by my side in seconds.

"Good evening, Lance," I greeted.

Lance froze, turning to meet my gaze. "Er…hey, Sirius. How are you-"

"No time for small talk. And unless you're planning on buying a drink for Riley and poisoning it, give me one good reason why I shouldn't get Bouncer Bartender over there to throw you out of here."

Lance sighed. "Well, for one, Gabe isn't a bouncer."

"At least someone recognizes that," Gabe muttered as he poured two shots of dragonbreath for a couple of girls.

"And two, you don't own this bar. Anyone can come in as they please-"

"You've got be kidding me," James interrupted, shooting him a look. "You're pulling the 'it's a free country' bullshit? I hate to break it to you, Lance, but you're not welcome here anymore. You know perfectly well that the Marauders have claimed this bar as their own since the very first time we were served here. As the fiancé of one of our dear friends, yes, we had let you tag along. We even enjoyed the company at times. But now?"

"It's time for you to find your own bloody bar," I continued with a scoff. "You don't belong here anymore."

Lance frowned, leaning his arms against the bar with a defeated sigh. "And what about Drew? He's the brother of your sister, James. You saying he doesn't belong?"

"The brother of my sister belongs, sure. The lying brother of my lying sister? Not at the moment, no."

"When are you going to get off your high horse and stop holding grudges against the people that care about you, Potter?" Lance shot back. "It's like you enjoy being one hell of a surly son-of-a-bitch to everyone in your life. Who died and made you King of the World?"

"No one died. Someone just left and then had the audacity to return and turn all of our lives upside down! It's unforgivable, Lance! It just is!"

"Seems to me you started down the path of forgiving said person when you spent an entire evening at her apartment two weeks ago."

I stiffened as James froze. I turned slowly to look at James. "You…you what?"

"When did you become such a jackass, Lance?" James snapped, whirling around to walk away from Lance.

I rushed after James, grabbing his arm before we could get back to our table. "When did you hang out with Riley at her apartment?"

James sighed, glancing over my shoulder. I could only guess he was gazing at the table of Gilmores. "Sirius, it was nothing," he muttered.

"You hung out with her. That's something."

He blinked, ruffling his hair like he often did when anxious. "I just needed her to know that the moment she left, everything started falling apart. And not necessarily because of her but it's just been a downward spiral for all of us ever since. She…she was my best friend for eighteen years, Sirius. And I-"

"And she left. Without a goodbye or even an explanation," I said in a slight scowl, though I inevitably knew it sounded more desperate than angry. "Kinda makes that eighteen-year-old friendship null and void, don't you think?"

"Look, I haven't forgiven her, Sirius," he defended, shaking his head. "We hung out once. And it was mostly just drinking ourselves in a stupor to forget about the mistakes we've made. Because…"

My eyebrows knitted together curiously. "Because what?"

James frowned, his eyes grazing the floor. "Because what makes what she did to us any worse than what I did to Lily?" he asked softly.

I opened my mouth to defend James but found myself without an immediate argument. I blinked, letting my mind attempt to catch up with what my mouth wanted to say. "Well, for one," I said, clearing my throat awkwardly, "You didn't leave. You're still here."

James frowned.

"And two?" I said softly, my heart slowly sinking. "You did it out of love. It may have been a dumb move, but you had the right intentions. What Riley did was worse. She did it out of selfishness."

"How do you know why she really left?" James pointed out.

I glared at him. "Bloody hell, now you're defending her? You really are on the path to forgiving her, aren't you? Just like Lance had suggested."

"Oh, I am not," he argued, though I swear I saw hesitance in his eyes. "I've just realized that just like when we were younger, she and I are very similar, so what's-"

"Stop," I snapped, my voice almost breaking. "Stop telling me that the two of you are similar! Stop trying to defend her, James! Stop making excuse for her! She left. She left!" I emphasized. "At least you're still here! And right now, you have a lot more reasons to run away than she ever did."

I brushed past James, frustration and disappointment seeping through every vein of my body. I stopped by where Remus and Peter were still sitting, sheer curiosity resting on their faces as I'm sure they witnessed first the confrontation with Lance and then the clear dispute between myself and James. "I'm out of here. Feel free to ask James all about his little hangout with Riley."

"Wait, what?" Remus exclaimed, but I didn't bother explaining as I slipped back into the crowd and headed out. At that moment, I had no desire to be around anyone.

I could deal with Keegan's betrayal. I barely knew the girl and she barely knew me. But the fact that James had spent an evening with Riley and neglected to tell me? That hurt so much more. He was supposed to be my friend.

As I exited Blarney's, letting the cool air wash over my face, I wondered how it was that one insignificant girl could screw up so many people's lives. I wanted to hate her for it.

But instead, I hated myself for letting it bother me so much.

++RILEY++

I had watched the encounter between my brother and James and Sirius. And I had noticed the exchange of heated words between James and Sirius. Not to sound completely big-headed, but I knew that both arguments were clearly about me.

"This is the bar that you all typically frequent, isn't it," I muttered as Lance returned to the table with our drinks.

Lance met Drew's gaze out of the corner of his eye and shrugged. "Maybe. So? I like this place which is the reason I suggested-"

"No, you suggested it because you were hoping to run into Kay," Rafe snorted, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

Lance glared at him. "I should have spat in your drink."

"Too late now," he teased, swiping his firewhisky and soda out of Lance's hand.

"Why the hell did you bring me here?" I muttered, glaring at Lance.

"They don't own this place, Riley," he simply said. "They don't get to tell anyone who can enter and who can't."

Glancing at Lance as he avoided eye contact with me, my own eyes narrowed. "You wanted me to run into them, didn't you?"

"No," he said a little too quickly.

"What the hell is your problem?" I snapped. "Did you really not think about what position this would put me in? I don't want to give them any more reason to hate me than they already do."

"They hate everyone right now!" Lance cried out irritably. "They hate you, they hate me, they hate Drew, they-"

"Whoa, keep me out of this," Drew muttered.

"They hate Dezzy, they hate Mom and Gran and Rafe, they hate the bloody world!"

"Yeah, because of me! The only reason they hate any of those people, except for maybe the world because that might be a tad extreme, is because I had sworn you all to secrecy about my return. This is my fault, Lance. Which I know you know because-"

"Oh, come off it. I don't blame you. I blame them for being grudge-holding prats who-"

"You do blame me," I muttered, shrugging. "Otherwise you wouldn't have thrown me into the lion's den tonight."

"Who's throwing anyone into a lion's den? We're just having a few drinks."

"At the bar that I'm sure the Marauders frequent nearly every night."

"That's just a coincidence."

I grew quiet, sipping my gin and tonic slowly before finally saying, "It's okay to blame me, Lance. I blame me so why shouldn't the rest of you? I-"

"I don't blame you, Riley," he snapped. "We were the ones who agreed not to say anything. We're just as much to blame."

"I was the one who asked you not to say anything," I pointed out. "And you lost Kay because of it. You lost your friends."

He blinked. "I have you."

I frowned, asking the question I had held off on asking for so long. "But who would you prefer?" I pointed out softly. "Me or them?"

"Riley-"

"Me?" I continued with a shrug. "Or Kay?"

He didn't respond but I hadn't expected him to. To say me would have been a lie but to say Kay and them would have been admitting that a part of him blamed for what all that had spiraled out of control over the past couple of weeks.

"They were your friends for four years," I spoke softly. "Kay was the girl you were in love with for four years. You went to Friday Night Dinners with them. You ventured to Corner Joe's for your weekly coffee dates. You played poker with the guys. You pregamed Ministry events with them. You shared laughs and beers and secrets. They were the people you turned to in times of comfort and need. And they turned to you, too. And now? Nothing. Your friends for the last four years have turned their back on you. And you're hurt and feeling a little resentful because of it. So you can't tell me a little part of you doesn't blame me for what happened, Lance."

He didn't respond but he actively avoided eye contact with me, sipping his drink with a frown. He didn't have to say anything but I knew a part of him agreed with me. And I was somewhat relieved. I'd rather they blame me than themselves.

"We're glad you're back, Riley," Drew spoke up, his eyes fixing on my curiously. "At least I am. And I know that I can say that when you asked us all to keep it quiet while you figured out how to tell your old friends, a part of me was relieved because I knew shit would hit the fan. When you continued to put it off, I wasn't terribly upset and a part of me wondered if maybe we could get away with this forever. And then-"

"Sirius found out," I muttered, my heart sinking.

He hesitated. "No," he argued. "Actually, I was going to say and then Caleb died."

I froze, as did my other brothers.

"And that was the first moment that I realized the situation wasn't fair to us or to you or to anyone else. I couldn't be at the funeral but you should have been."

"Why…why didn't you say anything then?"

"Uh, for one, I had just been attacked by Death Eaters. Two, I was kinda mourning the loss of my brother. And three, I was more upset at the fact that you couldn't show your face at the hospital which just makes me sound selfish. But yet again, it's another example of how you had put us in awkward positions far after you put us in the ultimate awkward position. And in a way, we were fine with it because once again, it meant shit wasn't hitting the fan. We continued to keep it a secret because at that point it seemed it had gone much too far for any of us to open our mouths and spill the secret. But that's when Sirius found out and it became so much worse than any of us ever could have imagined."

"I should have just told him. Them," I corrected in a murmur. "I should have stopped being such a coward and just manned up."

Lance shook his head. "They wouldn't have disliked you any less."

"Hate. The word is hate."

"Yeah, but like I said," he said with a teasing grin. "They hate everyone right now so don't take it personally."

I finished off my gin and tonic as I watched Sirius head for the exit out of the corner of my eye. "Again, I think that has something to do with me," I muttered, jumping off the stool. "I'll be right back."

"Riley, wait-" Rafe cried after me but I ignored him as I followed Sirius out.

"Sirius!"

He glanced behind him, a frown quickly appearing on his face when he met my gaze. "You are the last person I want to see right now, Gilmore."

"Please don't blame them," I blurted out. "Don't be angry with Lance and with Drew and with Dezzy and my family when I was the one who asked them to keep my return under wraps. Don't hate everyone else for my mistakes. You-"

"Mistake?" he snapped. "That's all it was to you? A mistake?"

"Sirius, please-"

"You left!" he cried out through gritted teeth. "You walked out in the middle of the night, Riley! No explanation, no goodbye! You turned your back on all of us and you didn't seem to care! You apparently still don't!"

I hung my head shamefully as he attempted to catch his breath.

He shook his head, his eyes filling with unmistakable agony. "You…you left," he repeated, the words so desperate and strangled. "That's not just some mistake, Riley. That's a life choice."

"I know," I choked out in a strained whisper, my voice barely audible. "I know what I did. I-"

"I don't think you really do know," he interrupted, shaking his head slowly. "I don't think you'll ever begin to realize how much you hurt us all by leaving the way you did. With…with nothing."

"Sirius, I-"

"Riley," he interrupted, shooting me a look of desperation.

I slowly shut my mouth, willing him to speak.

He let out a long sigh, locking eyes with me. Eventually, he spoke honestly. "A letter, a goodbye, some sort of rationalization," he said softly. "Anything,Riley. Anything would have been able to lessen the blow that came with you just disappearing into thin air."

They were the first words he spoke where I could literally feel his pain. "I didn't disappear into thin air, Sirius," I whispered. "You knew where I was going."

"I didn't know you'd be leaving in the middle of the night!"

I frowned guiltily. This conversation was not going where I had wanted it to. I didn't want to talk about the past with Sirius. Not right now. I just wanted to talk about the present. "Please just stop taking out your anger with me on everyone else," I murmured. "I can deal with you hating me. I can't deal with you hating everyone else."

It was his turn to frown. "You don't get it, do you?"

Clearly I didn't. "Get what?"

He didn't say anything immediately, letting his gaze lift towards the sky in a contemplative manner. Slowly, he turned back to look at me, a sad determination in his eyes. "I-I'm angry. And upset. And I'm hurt and disappointed and frustrated with you. But no matter how much I want to hate you, I-I don't. I'll never be able to. I-I'll always hate what you did, but I don't hate you. And maybe I have been taking all of this out on everyone else, but it's a lot easier…" he trailed off shortly.

"A lot easier what?" I dared to ask.

His lips pursed guiltily as he said softly, "It's a lot easier hating the people I hadn't once been in love with."

I froze and was grateful that the street was fairly dark as I prayed Sirius couldn't see the hurt panic in my eyes. Since my return, neither of us had even attempted to mention our relationship to one another. It's not like either of us could ignore it but it was something that we both had clearly wanted to walk on eggshells around one another so as not to make each other angrier and more upset than I know we both already were. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Sirius," I blurted out in a desperate whisper.

Surprise flickered in his eyes before settling on disappointment. "Sorry that you hurt me," he mused. "But not sorry that you left." It was clearly not meant to be a question.

I hesitated. "Maybe sorry that I left the way I did."

"'Maybe?'"

I sighed. I couldn't win with him. "What do you want me to say, Sirius?" I said softly.

"I don't want you to say anything," he responded immediately, slowly shaking his head. "I really don't. I-I don't want to talk to you at all. All I want is for things just to go back to the way they used to. Before I ran into you. You show up and suddenly…everything is falling apart. I want it to stop."

Guilt rested in my heart as I recognized the desperation in his voice. "I'm going to tell you what I told James two weeks ago," I spoke hesitantly. "Things were falling apart before I showed up. I'm sorry if I added to it, but I'm not the one who left my fiancée at the altar. I'm not the one who told my girlfriend of four years that I didn't love her. I'm not the one who kidnapped Drew and Dezzy or attacked Lily and James. I'm not the one who went to work for Voldemort and then got killed when I wanted out. I'm not-"

"What the hell is Lance telling you?" he muttered irritably.

I hesitated. I neglected to tell him that it wasn't Lance who told me that. It was James and Lily. I had only hung out with James that one time, but I've seen Lily a few times over the past couple of weeks and I had been informed about everything that had been going on. "I am sorry that you had to find out I was back the way you did," I continued with the apology. "I never meant for you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you for so long. I-I just didn't know how."

"Gilmore-"

"Which I realize isn't an excuse," I hastily added, shaking my head. "But-"

"There's no but," Sirius murmured, running his fingers hesitantly through his shaggy black hair. "You did what you did. You can't take it back. And from what it sounds like, you wouldn't even want to."

"Sirius-"

"We don't need to do this, Riley," he muttered, gesturing between us both. "It doesn't matter that you're back. At least it shouldn't matter. You continue living your life and I'll continue living mine. We don't need to hold conversations with each other, we don't need to interact, we don't even need to look at each other. The past is just that: the past. And just because we once shared our past together doesn't mean we need to share the future together, too."

It was odd seeing Sirius so complacently indifferent. I could feel my heart beating wildly out of its chest at every word he spoke and yet Sirius' expression remained so stoic and uncaring. My mouth opened, wanting to argue. Wanting to tell him all the things I never had a chance to. Wanting to explain why I left and why I came back. But I was not only not ready to do any of that, but I could tell he was done wanting to have any sort of interaction with me. So I merely nodded. "If that's what you want."

Slowly, he met my gaze. "That's what I want," he whispered, albeit hesitantly.

That was the part where I was supposed to turn and walk away, but my feet somehow remained rooted to the spot. So Sirius offered me a curt shrug and instead turned around himself, heading in the opposite direction.

"Sirius?" I called out after him, my voice getting lost in the winter breeze.

He hesitated before slowly turning around to face me. "Hm?"

"For what it's worth," I said softly, knowing that these next words might be the worst-chosen words I could possibly say to the guy I had walked away from four years earlier, "I never once stopped thinking about you."

And before I could register any emotion on his face, I turned on my heel and headed back into Blarney's.

++JAMES++

I ignored the interrogation by Remus and Peter as best possible and somehow slipped away to the bar. "Give me a double shot of whatever you have on hand," I sighed to Melinda, sliding into a stool.

She gazed at me curiously. "Bad day?"

"Bad life. Want to trade?"

"I've been a barmaid at Blarney's for two years. You really want my life?"

"Three of my brothers and my father were killed by Voldemort and I have lost the love of my life."

She gazed at me curiously. "And that's supposed to get me to trade lives with you?"

I felt a smile creep up on my lips. "Most people don't joke with me after I say something like that."

She shrugged. "Would you rather me give you a sympathetic look and tell you how sorry I am?"

"No, I'd rather you joke with me," I said immediately with a genuine smile.

She nodded. "I know," she said, her smile wavering slightly as she reached for a bottle of firewhisky.

There was something in her voice that made me ask, "You know?"

She avoided eye contact with me as she slowly poured the firewhisky into a glass. "You remember the Executioner?"

"Who could forget?" I sighed, thinking of my father who had been the one to kill the bastard.

"My grandparents lived on the outskirts of that Italian Muggle town he attacked right before his death," she explained, sliding the glass of firewhisky towards me. "They died that day."

"Oh, Melinda," I said, realizing that while she may have been serving me drinks for two years I knew so little about her.

"Don't give me that sympathy crap, James," she warned, shooting me a look. "This is the part where you're supposed to make a joke."

I cracked a smile, downing the firewhisky in one gulp. "Hm, let's go with something about the Executioner's name being dead-on. And yes, pun intended."

She laughed, nodding towards the glass. "Another?"

"I do believe I asked for a double when I first sat down."

She smiled, obliging willingly.

"James."

I froze at the sound of Riley's voice, slowly turning around to meet her gaze. "What are you doing here at Blarney's, Riley?"

"I heard they serve drinks," she said with an awkward smile.

"You may have heard right. What can I get you?" Melinda asked, sliding another glass of firewhisky my way.

"No, no, no, you're not allowed to serve her," I scoffed.

"If she pays me, yes I am."

"Don't you have a sign around here somewhere that says you reserve the right to refuse service?"

"Yes, but nowhere on that sign does it say James Potter reserves that same right," she said with a teasing smile.

I glared at her.

"Er…I'll let you two be," she muttered, glancing over towards Riley. "You might have a better chance getting a drink from Gabe. James couldn't take him in a fight."

"Hey, I'm scrappy!"

"You keep telling yourself that," she teased, winking at me as she headed down the bar to tend to another group of people.

"Friend of yours?" Riley asked with an arched eyebrow.

"She serves the drinks at the bar I frequent at least twice a week. Of course she's a friend of mine."

She forced out a chuckle. "Right. Stupid question."

"Seriously, Riley, what are you doing here?"

She sighed, leaning over the bar hesitantly. "James," she said softly, glancing over at me, "You show up at my door one night looking like a complete wreck. You spend five hours with me as we chatted about the past four years and got to know each other again. Then you leave and I don't hear from you again. I…I guess I just wanted to know where we stood."

"One night isn't going to change the fact that you left for four years," I spoke coolly.

"I know that," she spoke immediately. "I'm not trying to change anything. I just…"

"You just what?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I guess I missed you, James. And I know that it's my fault for all that had happened, but it was nice catching up with you that night. I enjoyed hanging out with you," she said in a small voice.

I met her gaze, taking a sip of my firewhisky before saying, "I did, too. For eighteen years."

She cringed. "I walked right into that one."

"I don't know what to do or to think with you, Riley," I admitted with a sigh. "I-I want to hate you. I want to never talk to you again. I want to stay away from you. I want to pretend you never came back."

She blinked. "Is there a but in there somewhere?" she asked rather hopefully.

I let out a deep sigh before turning to face her. "You were my best friend for eighteen years," I said softly. "You still know things about me that no one else does. That maybe I don't even know. And right now with everything going on, yeah, it would be nice to have you back in my life. I do miss you. I did every day for the past four years. I miss what we had. I miss what we used to be. But…"

She frowned slowly. "I walked away from it all," she finished.

I glanced over at her, slowly nodding. "I don't know why you left, Riley. I don't really need to know. But I do know it had to do with Sirius. The problem is you didn't just walk away from Sirius that night. You walked away from all of us. You walked away from me."

She turned to look at me. Really look at me, determination gleaming in her eyes. "I hate the way I left," she said softly. "I hate that I never turned back. Not once. I hate that I wrote thousands of letters to you but never sent them. I hate that I thought of you every day for the past four years and did nothing about it. I hate that I returned to Godric's Hollow and was too much of a coward to look you up. I hate that I screwed up the best friendship I ever had. I hate that I think that I can come back and still have you guys as my friends. I hate myself for thinking that."

I was surprised by the vulnerability in her voice and in her eyes at that moment as I turned to look at her reluctantly. "You say you missed me, Riley. You say you hate yourself for what happened. But you know the one thing you have yet to say to any of us since you returned?"

I could see in her eyes she knew what I was about to say.

"That you're sorry," I said softly.

She locked eyes with me. "You deserve more than just an apology," she spoke, her words barely above a whisper.

I shrugged. "Yeah, probably," I murmured. "But it's a start."

She let out a curt nod, letting the careful thoughts consume her mind. She turned away from me, defeat resting in her eyes. "You may not believe me, James," she said softly. "But I am sorry for leaving the way I did. I'm sorry for leaving you."

I frowned, realizing that those words still didn't change what happened. "Yeah," I murmured with a defeated sigh. "I know you are."

She hung her head shamefully, a remorseful sigh escaping her lips. "Can…can I ask you something I have no right asking?"

I nodded slowly.

"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell her that she ruined any chance of that. That our friendship changed the moment she walked away from me. I didn't say any of that. Because as much as I wanted to push her out of my life, I was finding that nearly impossible. "I don't know," I muttered. "I-I want to say yes, Riles, but…I just don't know."

It was unexpected to see a smile on her face.

"What are you smiling about?" I scowled.

"I like when you call me Riles," she said softly.

I didn't know what to say to that as my heart skipped a beat. I tried to stop the smile that was attempting to creep on to my face. "I like calling you Riles," I responded in a hoarse whisper.

And as I turned to glance at her, I found myself for the first time since she returned not focusing on the past four years when she wasn't around. I thought of the first eighteen years we spent together. I thought of the snowball fights we started and the snowmen we created out on her front yard. I thought of the Quidditch matches our families shared and the victory dances we perfected the art of when our teams won. I thought of the conversations we held under the stars in the treehouse in my backyard. I thought of the frogs we caught in the pond behind my house and the times we swam in the lake down the street on those hot summer days. I thought of the playground we used to go to as kids where we would hold sandcastle contests in the sandbox. I thought of the pranks we played in Hogwarts and the havoc we wreaked as unsuspecting eleven-year-olds. I thought of the times she crept into my bedroom and slept in my bed beside me without saying a word, when my grandparents died and Wyatt left and my father was in the hospital for a week after an attack. I thought of Riley before she left and I thought myself before she left. I missed the people we used to be. I missed how easy life was. I missed being happy.

The war had changed me a lot. And I was ready to change back.

"Y'know what? As long as you don't go around calling me Jamesie, I think that yeah, we could be friends again," I spoke, a wary smile perching on my face as I met her sad gaze. "Riles."

I could practically see the shocked relief in her expression. "You mean that?" she asked softly.

I smiled as I turned back towards the bar. "Melinda, we're going to need some drinks over here."

A/N: Long chapter! A lot going on - Kay finds out about Sirius and Keegan, Keegan is moving on, Sirius finds out Keegan is moving on, James finds out about Lily, James finds himself slowly forgiving Riley as a way to live in the past, Lily decides not to move to Philadelphia