Levi realizes that having Jager around may be therapeutic for him, as well. Can be read as early Ereri or friendship, whatever you want it to be. ;)
The days settled into a tranquil routine after that first, rather wild counseling session with Jager.
The boy was by no means cured- he had, however, found ways to cope other than cutting himself, though it meant he had to stay near Levi often and journal. Still- to Levi, it was progress.
The days settled into a healthy routine. Levi awoke before dawn to find his clothes had been laid out, dressing and getting to work on paperwork and other details that being an officer involved, careful to dress quietly so as not to disturb Jager.
At approximately quarter to five every morning, a bleary-eyed Jager would duck into his office with a steaming cup of black tea in hand one hand, and a brew Levi didn't recognize in the other. Levi would thank the boy with his gaze, they'd enjoy their beverages in silence, and Jager would sit patiently and wait for his superior to decide they were heading down to breakfast, sometimes speaking, sometimes not, depending on how he felt.
Most of the times, it was just a comfortable silence. Levi didn't really mind it- in all honesty, it was nice to have someone check over the letters he received, someone to wet the flaps of the envelopes so the glue would be activated (no licking was permitted. it was disgusting.).
While Jager looked to be dumb as shit- he was actually a decent office assistant. He was able to alphabetize quickly, and while his penmanship was deplorable, he was proficient in math and able to work out a timetable when Levi needed him to.
At six, Levi would wordlessly stand, Jager would finish whatever work he'd been attending to and smile, and they'd walk down to the dining hall for breakfast.
Eren enjoyed watching the antics of the squad- the way Petra beat Auruo over the head for his obvious flirting, the way they squabble- it was all interesting to him. He would watch it play out, sometimes hiding his laughing behind his hand or pretending to wipe his face with a napkin so no one saw the grin on his face. It was refreshing to be with other people.
Levi would assign the daily duties, and he and Jagger would part. Jager would attend training or whatever other chores he needed to complete- titan shifter or not, the boy was still a soldier.
Still- Levi always found his office a little emptier without Jager to staple papers for him or run errands.
Corporal Levi was a busy man- it wasn't unusual for him to work straight through lunch. He'd look up to find a tray resting on the corner of his desk, with some sort of lunch on it. It didn't take him long to figure out who kept delivering it to him, and he honestly didn't mind- if Jager wanted to save him the trip to the dining hall, then so be it.
Sometimes, on bad days, Jager would drop in periodically- he had Levi's express permission to leave training or whatever it was he was doing if he got the urge to harm himself and come see him, and while the boy did have bad days, they grew farther and farther apart and less frequent. Levi saw that as a small victory, as well.
Still, on most days, they didn't see each other again until dinner, and even then, they didn't really speak freely with one another until they were in Levi's office by candle light, discussing Eren's journal entries.
Levi found that as one week turned to two, and two to three, the conversations became less centered on Jager wanting to hurt himself and more on what was going on in the boy's life. It was a subtle change, but one Levi noticed- the worrisome entries in Jager's journal slowed down to a trickle, and he found their counseling sessions becoming more and more enjoyable, hearing about the antics of the squad throughout the day.
Eventually, they'd retire. Eren had a habit of wishing the Corporal goodnight after folding up his jacket, one Levi found himself returning the phrase quite often.
Levi would look down at the cot at his feet before he blew out the candles each night, mentally surveying the boy, making sure he had enough blankets and was comfortable and looking well. The silence between them was comfortable- never strained- the way Levi liked it.
Levi knew he would feel the difference if Jager returned to sleeping in the dungeons, which was why he was putting off moving the boy back down there. He was doing well enough to be left on his own, but some clingy part of Levi refused to send the boy back to such an uninviting place.
Levi cringed to himself when he caught himself watching the sleeping brat in the candlelight, resting his head in his hand. God help him if he was beginning to enjoy the brat's company.
MAILBAG
LunarAnelemma, Chapter 11
Hiya, fluffykitty12 - I just wanted to say a few words about your fanfiction. :3
This is a very... I don't know how to word it... This is a wonderfully written fic, with excellent characterisation, a compelling plot, and a friendly author who actually responds to reviews - the very things I look for in a good fanfic.
This piece is very emotionally resonant for me, as I struggle with self-harm myself; but it is good, I think, to have found a fic which does not glorify the act. You know what I mean? With some fanfics centred around self-harm, the author seems to think that it is, for lack of a better word, trendy. (If that makes sense.) But this is not the case with you and your writing, for which I am indescribably thankful.
P.S. I really like the idea of two endings - I ship Ereri, but I respect that many others do not, and I think a double-ending is a brilliant compromise. Good luck!
~Lu-Ane
Why thank you! I feel like a lot of fics out there don;t get to the root of self harm- depression and anxiety, mostly. Too many fics out there have the main character getting dumped by their boyfriend and slicing themselves open, only to be found and reconcile and promise to never do it again.
In real life, it;s much more terrifying- you don't cut because you're sad- you cut because you're hurting, mentally hurting and scared and desperate. And if you truly are that desperate and afraid... you don't stop after one time. You may throw away the blades, but just like your nightmares, it comes back to haunt you as long as the depression and anxiety remain to torment you.
Please review!