Hey there! So yea... so, so sorry... read after the chapter for more apologies...
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Hermione took another lap of her small sitting room at a brisk pace.
She didn't know what she was going to say…
Hermione had tried so hard to make sure that things changed for Peter without having to reveal anything about his life in her timeline… but he would have questions… so many questions…
That was the main reason that she had avoided this conversation for so long. Hermione had thought that changing Peter's outcome would be better done not disclosing the terrible things that he had done in her future. … Betraying his friends, framing Sirius, bringing back the Dark Lord's body… She feared that these things would crumble his already shaky confidence.
Hermione had done everything she could to help Peter in other, inadvertent ways. She had made sure that the Marauder was more included in things, gently suggested that the others not exclude him for fear of Peter feeling like a tag-along or outsider. She had even put aside her own hateful feelings for the man this boy would become and befriended Pettegrew… he had even helped Hermione understand Sirius more.
She had actually been the one to suggest the new living arrangements between Sirius, Remus and Peter; hoping that the three of them together could help stabilize Pettigrew's confidence and sense of belonging without coming out and being blunt about it. The added security for Remus and Sirius had just been a happy coincidence.
… but Hermione had sworn that she would tell Peter about where she was from after James and Lily got married.
But… should she tell the truth about everything?
Should she side step the matter?
Should she outright lie?
These were the questions that were causing Hermione's head to ache and forcing her body into continuous movement.
But before she could answer any of the nerve racking questions, there was a sharp knock at the door.
Hermione walked to the portrait and took a deep breath before pushing open the painting.
"Hello, Mia," Peter greeted her in a friendly tone.
She smiled weakly and drew the young Marauder into a quick hug before waving him into the sitting area, "Please, make yourself at home." Peter settled onto the overstuffed sofa as Hermione sat down on the wingback chair directly in front of him.
"I don't think I've actually been round to see your place in Hogwarts before. Bit of an upgrade from the dorms, eh?" His chuckle made Hermione's stomach twist.
She nodded her head and struggled to make her voice mild and even, "Yea. You should see Aunt Minerva's though. Much nicer when you are an actual teacher and not just a teaching assistant or researcher." Her laughter sounded hollow even to Hermione's own ears.
Peter glanced at her with a mixture of concern and confusion, "Are you alright, Amelia? You don't sound much like yourself." He tried to add some humor to lighten her mood and the conversation, "You look a bit like Philippa did when she scratched up my old broomstick. It's not much, but she knows how much I love the thing; so she was a bit jumpy when she had to tell me what had happened. Lily taught me a great little spell though; fixed it right up. It wasn't any trouble at all…"
Hermione felt a genuine smile come to her lips. Peter was trying to comfort her. This kind person couldn't possibly be the same man who would grow up to do such hateful things to his friends.
That was the thought that planted the small seed of hope that Peter had changed… that maybe could make a difference here and change things for the better.
"You're a good person, Peter. You know that don't you?"
He nodded his head, "I do try to be. Get's a bit difficult at times. And I admit that not everything the blokes and I did during Hogwarts was exactly nice or good."
"Yes, I've heard of a few questionable events…" Hermione's memories shuffled until Harry's voice fluttered into her mind and reminded her of how horrible the Marauders had been to Professor Snape, "But a few horrible choices we make as children shouldn't define who we can become as adults."
"I hope not," Peter laughed freely again and Hermione couldn't help to join in, if only just a little.
"Well, I know you're a good person, Pettigrew. You helped me even when I didn't ask for anything, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. But…" Hermione swallowed with some difficulty as she continued, "... I need to tell you something, and I need you to understand how difficult it has been to keep from you. I hated lying to you all, but I had to… for your protection and my own, of course."
Peter's expression shifted to one of pure concern, "Are you alright? Are you ill? I mean, that's nothing to be ashamed or scared of. My mum is unwell all the time, but she manages with assistance."
"Um, yes... actually I am ill. But the reason for my ailment is the thing that I'm afraid of…" Hermione didn't waver an inch as she held Peter's anxious gaze, "The reason I've kept this secret is because I have a rare condition that doesn't have a cure. Lily deciphered it all out without me even mentioning anything to her…"
"Always observant, that one," Peter muttered as he continued to watch Hermione with cautious eyes.
Hermione nodded in agreement, "That she is. The first person I outright told was Professor McGonagall. She understood the situation better than I did and she is helping me more than she probably should. Remus was second. It took a lot of logic and proof to convince him, but in the end he was satisfied that I was not trying to trick him."
She made a mental note that Peter's look changed very little. He still appeared utterly concerned for her, but his worry was creeping back into his expression.
Hermione took a breath and pressed on, "Sirius found out by accident. Har… I always knew that the invisibility cloak was going to get me into trouble some day… Sirius overheard Remus and I while I was helping him to brew the Wolfsbane potion. It was quite a shock for everyone... it was a mess for a while there..."
Peter shifted in his seat. The usually comfortable sofa appeared to be very disagreeable for the Marauder, "Whatever it is, it will be alright. I'm not sure what I can really do. I'm rubbish at potions and advance charms… but I'll help in any way I can."
"Thank… thank you, Peter," Hermione dropped her gaze and took in a shaky breath. Out with it Granger… "Lily calls what I have 'Time traveler's Sickness.' It's an illness that has very little documentation. There is no current treatments, though Lil is currently working on something to help manage my symptoms. And the only cure… the only cure is for me to… to go back."
"... Go... back…" Peter's concern fell away as the confusion took over his face. He furrowed his eyebrows together as he tried to process Hermione's words and interpret the significance of her statement, "You're… you're a... time traveler?"
"Yes."
Peter burst out laughing.
Hermione took a moment to breath, "I know it sounds ridiculous… time-turners are only supposed to be used for a maximum length of five hours of travel, but there was an accident... And that caused enormous complications it seems."
"You… you think…" Peter didn't seem to be able to control his chuckling, "You think you're... from the future?!"
A small smile graced Hermione's lips. She hadn't really anticipated this. McGonagall had been skeptical, but the older witch had put her own proof in place to make sure that Hermione had no trouble explaining the situation. Remus had been so mild and civil about the whole situation, only questioning and asking for proof before accepting the truth. Sirius had been mad of course, being left in the dark about such a huge secret had bruised his ego though he claimed to understand why Hermione had acted in such a way. And Lily had even been cross with her; waiting for Hermione to reveal her real origins had forced the redhead to be extremely patient but in the end her fiery temper had lashed out a bit.
… But laughter?
And not just a few jolly chuckles; this was outright, gasping for breathe, watery eye causing, diaphragm vibrating hysterics.
Laughter had not been something that Hermione had prepared for. She actually found it slightly humorous that she had not planned for this sort of response, since the witch tried desperately to always be prepared for any outcome.
She started to laugh too.
For a moment the laughter was almost lyrical. Happy, round notes that were pleasant and urged the two friends to continue in their tittering.
"It's ridiculous, isn't it?! Such an outlandish notion; me from the future," Hermione dabbed her eyes, "I mean, I have no personal proof that I can show you to convince you. I probably sound completely mad!"
And with that the joyful noise began to turn flat and pointless.
Peter analyzed the witch's face with careful consideration, "You're… you're not joking?"
Hermione gasped in an attempt to fill her aching lungs, "No." She cleared her throat and sat up a little taller in the chair. Her voice was strained and she felt the words reverberate through her whole body as she said, "I'm not joking. I am from the future."
The wizard covered his gaping mouth. He drew in a deep breath as he processed her statement.
Hermione felt her heart drop into her stomach as Peter looked around the room, glancing at everything but her. She knew that he was trying to absorb what she had said, but his current expression and actions were not giving her much hope.
"Do you have anything to prove that you're from the future?" Peter asked in a very soft tone.
"Yes; a few things," Hermione pulled out the potions book that contained the Wolfsbane instructions and gently placed it on the coffee table in front of Peter, "This book will be published in 1995. It has the potion that Remus uses to aid in his transformations."
She wandered into her bedroom and pulled out the picture of her future friends. "This is the picture that I think helped Remus and Sirius understand why this time is so important to me… why I wouldn't lie about something like this."
Peter wore a familiar look of disbelief when his stare fell upon Harry, "... I thought it was James. But his eyes…" He pointed to Ron and Ginny, "And these two… they must be related to the Weasleys."
Hermione could only nod, her voice seemed to be gone.
"And this," He finally met her eyes as he tapped on the slightly younger version of Hermione, "... this is you?"
She nodded again.
Hermione sat down beside Peter on the plush sofa, but kept a sizable distance between them. She didn't want to encroach on his personal space, but the witch found that she needed to see the picture from a better angle. She missed her friends so very much.
They sat there in a strange state of limbo while Peter examined the photograph and Hermione reminisced about her life before she had been sent back in time. She had thought her life was difficult back then; helping Harry survive deadly incidents that Voldemort pulled him into, planning and putting together everything that the Trio could possibly need when they left after Bills wedding… but now… Now Hermione had the added task of finding the delicate balance of actively modifying the future and allowing the future to alter itself.
Could she trust that Peter had changed and grown enough to fix his own future; or did he need to know the horrible choices of his other life?
"Did you know me in the future?" Peter quickly asked before he lost his nerve.
Hermione muttered through clenched teeth, "Yes. I did know you." She tried to smile or offer some kind of comforting gesture, but her body would not allow it. And she knew that Peter could tell she was uncomfortable about something.
"What is it?" His eyes were pleading as he met her gaze, "What happens to me in the future? It can't be very good if you're looking at me like that."
She dropped her eyes to the floor and heard a harsh chuckle escape her mouth, "No, it isn't exactly something I would consider good." But as Hermione said the words, she realized that exposing the truth wasn't her choice to make. She had allowed Remus, Sirius and Lily to all make a few general choices about knowing the future. And Peter, at least this kindhearted good Peter, deserved that same option, "Would you like for me to tell you about what happens?"
Peter took a minute to really consider the offer before he answered, "Could I ask you a few questions before I decide if I want to know every detail you have?"
"Of course."
"Am I dead in your future?" She was slightly surprised by the evenness and solidity of Peter's voice as he asked such a question.
"No."
"Am I still a member of the Order? Are we still fighting against You-Know-Who?"
Hermione blanched at the two questions. Peter thought that these questions were corresponding. She took a breath and answered as best she could without too many specifics, "The Order is still standing against Voldemort… but you are no longer a member."
"Wh…" Peter stopped abruptly before finishing his next question. Hermione saw the wizard's eyes dim and she could even see the internal battle that he was having with himself as he struggled with the possible implications that her answer had given, "Am I… am I a bad person in your time?"
She hated the internal voice that was screaming at Hermione to tell the truth and allow the boy in front of her to make his own decisions, "Y... yes."
Peter rubbed his face as if he needed to wake up; like this whole meeting could possible just be a bad dream. But when he looked up at Hermione and saw the look of pure anguish on her face, it was confirmed that it was all real. He was actually there, hearing these things about himself… "Could you be wrong?"
"I wish I was."
He nodded his head and shakily started, "Me too."
The moment that Peter had walked through the portrait door seemed like a lifetime ago. The possibility of the witch next to him being from the future was outlandish at best, but the fact that three of his friends and one of his professors had believed this tall tale forced him to consider the notion of it being true. But now, the idea that he was not an Order member… that he wasn't trying to bring down the Dark Lord and fight for the light… It seemed unfathomable.
How could he have turned? What could have made him walk away from the light side?
Then Peter started to realize the other significant issue. The pain on the witch's face was a dambing clue. And if he wasn't fighting beside the other Order members in the future, "In your time, I'm… I'm a… a..." Peter couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud.
But Hermione knew what he was trying to ask, "A Death Eater." She nodded her head slowly in confirmation.
Peter suddenly decided that he didn't want to know anything more about his future, "But that can't… I would never… I won't let that happen!"
"I hope not."
Her voice had been so soft that Peter almost missed the words entirely, "What? What do you mean?"
"I don't what this to happen to you. I know that you're good. Whatever happens… I know you can fight against it. You don't have to become part of the dark."
"You think I can change my future?" Peter said each word like it was a foreign language to him. It didn't seem like a plausible outcome, "Can the future really be altered?"
"I hope it can… I need to believe it can be better," Hermione clenched her firsts and had a determined expression now.
He swallowed with some difficulty, "And you believe that I'm good enough to change my future?"
Peter watched as Hermione's expression softened and a beautiful smile graced her features. It was difficult to believe that a person who believed your future self to be so horrific, could treat you so kindly and without judgement. Peter realized that he appreciated the witch very much, but he was still a little afraid of her answer.
The Marauder unknowingly held his breath as he waited, but he hadn't needed to.
"You, the Peter in front of me right now, is a completely different person from the Peter that I knew before. I believe that you can be different from the future that I know; I believe that you can remain good."
Peter released his breath as Hermione's smile grew and she hugged him.
Insanely sorry for the huge gap in updating. I got the flu and... it was not fun... again... SORRY! =(
I will be trying to return to regular update intervals asap, so keep a look out. Missed you all terribly and hope you can forgive me!
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Ps. Check out the other stories by me: 'Begin Again' (which is now complete!), 'The Bookworm and The Prankster' and 'Penelope Jackson: The Lightning Thief.'