Goodbyes On The Balcony

by ByeByeBirdie

3 years after Hogwarts, James and Lily are back with old and new friends by their side. Their lives are motivated by fear, their world surrounded by immense danger. As they each fight for their lives and for their loved ones in a world centered around Voldemort, the struggle to survive the war against him is nothing compared to the struggle to survive the wars within themselves.

43. Of Elephants, Spitfires, & Decisions

A/N: So yeah...it's been two months...I know everyone has been sending me angry reviews that I haven't been updating and I'm sorry that that's the case but I've just been incredibly busy recently and haven't had a chance to edit my chapters. On top of editing them, I've also been reworking the end to this story so it's not as easy as just uploading the chapter to . I have to spend the time making sure that all loose ends are tied up and that's been taking me a lot longer than I would like. But I'm back now and I will try to be better about updating. "Try" is unfortunately the key word.

Disclaimer: I bet J.K. Rowling updates faster than me...

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Goodbyes on the Balcony

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 43: Of Elephants, Spitfires, & Decisions

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++REMUS++

I didn't know how long I stood there for, frozen and horrified by the smoke-filled corridor, but I jumped when a hand tapped on my shoulder. Whirling around, I found myself eye-to-eye with Sydny. "Sydny," I whispered hoarsely. "What…how…are they…" I couldn't even finish my sentence, too afraid of what the answer may be.

"They're okay," she spoke with a grateful lopsided smile.

My bottom lip trembled. "Lily and Keegan?"

She nodded. "Yes," she whispered.

"But…I mean…" I trailed off, glancing towards the charred rubble. "How…?"

Her head shook with her own confusion. "They…they somehow got out in time before the fire took over their flat."

"But…how?" I repeated, confused and concerned and yet still so entirely grateful that Sydny was telling me they were okay.

She frowned. "I-I'm not sure," she admitted. "That's something we still have to find out. But they survived."

Relief filled every inch of my body but as I glanced over Sydny's shoulder, the sinking feeling that this was a blatant attack on their lives swarmed my thoughts. They were after Lily now more than ever. The girl just couldn't catch a break.

"And their apartment is going to be back to normal in no time," Sydny continued, clearly trying to say something to appease me. "There's a group of contractors already in the process of rebuilding the apartment and Moody has a team of recruits in their apartment trying to salvage anything they could. Sounds like there's actually a bunch of stuff they could recover. The girls were smart. Most of their belongings were coated with a fireproof spell."

"Where are they? Lily and Keegan?" I asked, not caring a bit about their stuff.

"They're just at St. Mungo's right now getting checked out."

"What? St. Mungos!?"

"They're fine," she urged, squeezing my shoulder. "It's just a routine checkup."

"Just routine?"

She hesitated, which made me nervous. "I mean…" she trailed off, clearing her throat nervously. "They did fight the deadliest fire that can be started in our world, so I-"

"So they're not fine!?"

"No, I'm just saying that couldn't have been easy! They're both probably reeling from it all."

"So no one has actually even spoken to them about it yet!?"

"Moody insisted on getting them to St. Mungo's before-"

"Oh, well if Moody insisted then we should all just bend over backwards to accommodate him!"

I froze when a deep voice spoke behind me. "Well, I suppose I know where you stand on my decision to send the two to St. Mungo's."

Slowly, I turned around. "Er…hi, Alastor."

He grunted. "Their safety comes first, Remus," he spoke. "I stayed back to restrain the fire, but now that it appears under control, I was planning to apparating over to St. Mungo's. Care to join me or would you rather stay here and rant and rave to Sydny instead?"

I attempted to smile sheepishly, but I was certain my worry came through and it came out more like a grimace. "Promise me they're okay," I whispered.

He nodded. "Why don't you come with me and see for yourself?"

---

++SYDNY++

Rudolph Cranston and Dedalus Diggle were the ones on call overnight so I shouldn't have even been involved in the attack on Lily's apartment. But seeing as I was a bit of an insomniac, I had gone into the office around five in the morning with the intention of finishing up a few crime reports I had been neglecting. But I barely had a sip of coffee when Moody came barreling out of his office summoning all of us to follow him.

I hadn't known what to expect when we apparated, the information thrown my way by Moody sporadic at best, but we barely said a word to Lily and Keegan who were rushing out of the apartment as we were rushing in and when Dedalus, Rudolph, and I followed Moody up to the third floor, we were met with nothing but smoke and ash. I yelped, joined in by the other three, as a grey serpent with bloodshot eyes turned in our direction and flew towards us.

"Suffocata!" Moody cried out, stepping in front of us.

What I then realized was an ashwinder shrieked and shriveled into nothing but ashy dust.

"What the hell happened here?" Dedalus had muttered behind me as we started to walk through the smoke.

Two hours later, I was still asking myself that question.

Once again, I had become Moody's messenger as I found myself outside Potter Manor ringing the doorbell.

When the door opened, a bare-chested Sirius stood there looking very disheveled. Oops, guess I woke him up. "Sydny?" he said, clearly confused. "What are you doing here?"

I frowned, not even sure where to start. "Uh…well, uh…" I trailed off, clearing my throat awkwardly. "Okay, so the first thing you have to know is that Lily's okay, but there-"

"Why wouldn't she be okay?" he said, panicked. "What happened?"

My eyebrow quirked upward. "I was just about to tell you."

He blinked. "Alright," he said nervously.

"Don't freak out, but about two hours ago, her apartment was attacked by Fiendfyre. I don't know how, but she made it out alive before any damage could be done, but-"

"Whoa, whoa, hold up," he muttered, rubbing his eyes as the information sunk in. "Her…her apartment was attacked?"

"Yes, but she got out. She's at St. Mungo's right now for a routine examination, but-"

"What about Keegan?"

I was completely thrown by the question. "Her roommate?"

"Yes," he practically shouted. "Was she there?"

"Yes, but she's okay, too. She was brought to St. Mungo's also and-"

"What the hell am I still standing here for?" Sirius shouted, practically barreling past me.

"You might want to put on a shirt first!"

He froze, whirling around to face me. "Probably a good idea."

"And what about James?"

Sirius swore as he slid past me into the house. "Bloody freakin' hell, Lafevre, aren't you the one who's supposed to have all the answers!?"

I cringed, recognizing someone on the verge of a panic attack. "Hey, stop," I urged, grabbing his arm before he started to hyperventilate. "Lily and Keegan are fine. I wouldn't be here telling you otherwise if they weren't."

"Why wouldn't they be fine?"

I froze, whirling around as James sauntered down the stairwell into the foyer with a frown. "Once again, I am going to preface this by saying Lily is fine."

"And once again I ask, why wouldn't they be fine?"

I sighed, relaying the story once again to James. His face grew white. "But…I mean…she's…"

"She's okay," I reassured. "Both Lily and Keegan are okay. Moody and Remus are there right now trying to get to the bottom of-"

"Remus?" Sirius interrupted with a furrowed brow. "How the hell did he find out?"

I frowned, shrugging. "Er…I don't know. He just came by their apartment this morning I suppose. Couldn't tell you why."

I noticed the exchange of looks shared between James and Sirius, hesitation fading into incredulity. "Oh, bloody hell, what is he playing at?" James muttered.

Sirius groaned. "I hope he was there for Lily-bean."

"I hope he was there for Keegan!"

My eyebrow shot up. Keegan, hm? No wonder Sirius seemed so concerned about her.

"Well, how about we get to St. Mungo's so that we can make sure Lily-bean and Keegan are okay and we can kick Remus' arse?" Sirius suggested, rushing off towards the stairwell.

"Where are you going?" James cried.

"I need a shirt!"

James glanced down at his own bare torso, blushing as he glanced up at me. "Er…I guess I need that, too."

I couldn't help but laugh.

---

++LILY++

It was all such a blur. One minute I was asleep and the next minute Keegan was screaming at me at the top of her lungs. I still hadn't a single clue what had actually happened and how I was alive with just a few first-degree burns on my arms.

To no surprise, Moody came rushing into our hospital room about an hour after he had forced us there. What was a surprise was that Remus followed him in.

"Remus?" Keegan had spoken, alerting me to the fact that we had visitors.

I glanced up over Healer Gawain Robards' shoulder. "Oh, please do not tell me that the waiting room is bombarded with all of our friends. This is nothing like the last time and we really don't need people fussing-"

"No, it's just me," Remus interrupted with a hesitant smile. "Though, I can't be sure how long that will last as Sydny is on her way over to Potter Manor right now."

I froze, slightly surprised by the groan coming from Keegan's mouth next to me. "You better get your arse over there and tell the two of them to stay the hell put."

"And why would I do that?" Remus sighed. "When I actually want the four of you to work things out with one another."

My eyes narrowed, glancing over at Keegan who scowled at the Marauder. "Meddling doesn't suit you, Lupin."

I hesitated. "Alright, am I missing something here?" I chimed in, feeling very confused. "What is Remus meddling in that has to do with you, Keegan?"

Remus and Keegan shared a look, one holding a lot of weight, and I was about to comment when Moody interrupted. "As nice as it is to be a part of this enigmatic reunion, can I ask you two a few questions before you get into anything with Mister Lupin?"

My eyes wouldn't turn away from Keegan and Remus, but Healer Robards took a step back and spoke before I could figure out what was really happening. "Well, you two seem to be alright for now, but I can't release you yet."

Both Keegan and I groaned. "We're fine," Keegan urged. "You already said that that the burns were minor and have been stabilized. What else could you possibly need to do?"

"You just fought against an incredibly lethal fire," Robards said with a sigh. "So-"

"Yes, I'm quite aware of that considering I was the one who fought against it," Keegan drawled.

I whimpered at her bluntness as Robards shot her a look. "The burns from an external perspective have been contained, but I haven't even had a chance to check for any internal injuries. And frankly, fiendfyre smoke inhalation can cause some serious damage to one's lungs and intestinal organs, not to mention what could happen if it travels anywhere near your heart or your brain."

I knew his intention wasn't to scare me, but I couldn't help but think that while Keegan and I were able to escape from the apartment before the fiendfyre could do any serious damage to ourselves, we were definitely running through cloudy smoke and ash.

"Wouldn't we have seen signs of internal damage by now?" Keegan sighed impatiently.

"Most of the time, it's a slower process. Some people don't start showing symptoms until hours, even days later."

Alright, now he was beginning to scare me.

"Healer Robards," Moody spoke up. I jumped, forgetting he was even there. "Do you need to examine them for internal injuries now, or can I take a few minutes to get a statement from them?"

"I can only give you ten minutes, Alastor," he said sternly.

Moody nodded at him as Robards walked out of the room, leaving just myself, Keegan, Moody, and Remus.

"Someone has to walk me through this morning," Moody urged, glancing back and forth between me and Keegan. "Because frankly, neither one of you should have even remotely survived, and yet you both are sitting here practically scratch-free."

"Not true. I have a pretty harsh burn taking up half of my right leg," Keegan spoke.

Moody's eyes narrowed. "I have a feeling that with your use of a snarky comment, I should be directing my questions to you, hm?"

She frowned, glancing over at me hesitantly. I merely shrugged. "I'm with Alastor, Keegan. I-I have no idea what happened tonight. But considering you're the one who woke me up, I have a feeling you do have some of the answers."

She let out a hefty sigh, leaning back against the pillow. "I was…out," she murmured vaguely, her eyes flitting briefly over at Remus before glancing up at Moody. "Out late last night. And…and I just so happened to be coming home this morning when I saw two guys in our hallway. I-I didn't think anything of it until they pulled out their wands and started muttering something I couldn't quite understand. I yelled out after them and when they turned, I saw their masks and knew I was dealing with Death Eaters. I…I stupefied one of them, and the other nearly hit me with some spell which somehow I blocked. I-I…honestly, I have no idea what happened after that as all I could see was the beginning of fiendfyre and I knew that if I didn't get inside the apartment and get to Lily, that that fire was going to burn her alive. I must have scared off the other Death Eater, because he ran off dragging his buddy with him. I-I think that's what must have saved us. The fact that they only had a few seconds of starting the fiendfyre before I came along and forced them to stop. I…I grabbed Lily and ran out of there. Lily was the one who sent you the Patronus."

Keegan looked both terrified and upset by the end of it. "You saved my life, y'know," I murmured, meeting her gaze.

She frowned. "I suppose I should thank Sirius then," she muttered to herself.

My eyebrow quirked. "Come again?"

She blushed, an incredible feat considering I had never once seen her blush in all of my time in knowing her. "Er…nothing," she muttered, glancing up at Moody. "I don't know who the Death Eaters were. They barely spoke and I was too focused on getting Lily out of the apartment to bother trying to find out who they were."

Moody nodded. "I hope you know how lucky you two are."

I glanced over at Keegan who merely nodded sullenly.

"The damage to your flat looks worse than it actually is," he reassured us. "Most of your belongings were covered in a fireproof spell so it appears that a good portion of your flat will be salvaged. I'm afraid to say that your furniture got the worst of it."

"Oh, that's fine. We needed a new couch anyway," Keegan said with a strained smile.

I chuckled. Even Moody looked amused, but the crease across Remus' forehead made it obvious to me that he was not finding hilarity in any of this.

"You should actually be able to get back into your flat tomorrow. But until then, you'll have to find another place to crash unfortunately."

Remus opened his mouth but I glared at him. "Don't even say it."

That time, Moody laughed.

"I'm sure Kay wouldn't mind us staying with her tonight," I said to Keegan.

She frowned. "I, uh…I can stay over Victor's place."

I nodded, surprised by the sound of Remus scoffing behind Moody. "Oh, really?" he muttered, barely audible.

"You shut it," Keegan scowled, glaring at him.

"Uh…well I am going to leave you three be," Moody said, clearing his throat awkwardly as he glanced over at me and Keegan. "If you two remember anything else, you know where to find me."

He said his good-byes and traipsed out of the room. Before the door could even slam behind him, I was turning on Remus and Keegan. "Alright, what the hell is going on between you two?"

"Nothing," Keegan responded almost immediately, glaring at Remus.

Remus smirked. "Why don't you ask Keegan why she was out so late last night that led to her traipsing into your apartment at nearly five o'clock in the morning?"

"Remus!"

My eyebrows shot up, turning my gaze on Keegan. "Why were you out so late last night that led to you traipsing into our apartment at nearly five o'clock in the morning?"

Keegan buried her face in her hands with a frustrated moan as Remus' smirk grew. "I really, really hate you, Remus Lupin."

He grinned. "Are you going to tell her or shall I?"

"Tell me what?" I whined.

When Keegan said nothing, Remus chuckled and blurted out, "She slept with Sirius last night."

My mouth dropped open, my eyes widening with shock as Keegan grabbed the pillow off the bed and flung it at Remus, who ducked and laughed at the clear frustration on Keegan's face. "You did what!?" I screeched at Keegan in complete amusement.

"It was nothing!"

"Nothing doesn't usually happen off and on for a few months," Remus snorted.

"There's no on about it," Keegan urged, shooting him a look. "We've been off for nearly a month now."

"Until last night."

"Alright, do you ever just shut up?" Keegan scowled.

Remus grinned. "C'mon, Keegan, why don't you tell us what's really going on between you two?"

"Because there is nothing going on," she urged, shaking her head. "So we've been known to have a little fun together. That's all it is. Two people can sleep together and not have it mean anything. Or must I remind you about your mini rendez-vous with Sydny back in November?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "That, m'friend, was a one-night stand. What you and Sirius have is a multiple-night stand."

"Can we please not make a big thing of it?" she muttered, clearly getting very irritated by the conversation.

I frowned hesitantly. "Do you fancy Sirius, Keegan?"

"Oh my God, what did I just say?"

I shrugged. "Sorry, but I had to ask."

She rolled her eyes forcibly. "Listen, the only reason Black and I have had any of our…er…trysts is because we just so happen to believe that the other one is far more screwed up than we are. People who are screwed up don't make the best couples, don't ya think?"

"Aha, so you have thought of you two as a couple at some point, hm?"

"I'm seriously about two seconds away from murdering you, Remus Lupin."

Remus grinned. "Then I suppose my work here is done."

"Yes, now how about you go run off to Potter Manor and inform your two cohorts to stay the fuck away from here, hm?" she urged, glaring at him.

Remus smirked. "I could, but what fun would that be?"

"Remus!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine, fine, but you do realize that you'll have to talk to Sirius at some point, right?"

"Yeah, and maybe next time you don't just hop into bed with him," I smirked, earning a glare from Keegan.

"You're not off the hook either, Lily," Remus said, shooting me a look. "You'll have to talk to James at some point, too."

"Do not," I snorted. "We've said it all. No need to say anything more."

Remus rolled his eyes. "If I recall, you didn't do so much talking the last time you were together."

My cheeks flushed as Keegan burst into laughter beside me. I glared at the smug expression on Remus' face. "Keegan's going to have to wait in line to murder you."

Remus merely laughed.

"Now where did we stand on the whole you-stopping-James-and-Sirius-from-rushing-down-here?" I scowled.

Remus sighed before saying his good-byes with the reassurance that he would stop James and Sirius from barreling into the hospital, though I could tell he wasn't entirely pleased with it.

"So," I said, clearing my throat and glancing over at Keegan. "Sirius, hm?"

She froze, glancing over at me. "It was clearly a moment of weakness."

I frowned. "Was it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes."

I sighed. "Why are you trying so hard to convince yourself of that?"

She shot me a look. "I don't know why everyone keeps making a big deal out of it. He's still hung up on Riley and I'm with Victor, so it's not like we're going to be anything more than friends…who may occasionally have sex."

I was about to laugh when her words suddenly stopped me. "That's…that's what this is about, isn't it."

"What?"

"You're trying to convince yourself that you and Sirius are nothing and can be nothing because you think he's still in love with Riley, don't you?"

Keegan opened her mouth to argue but the words wouldn't form. I watched as sudden panic flickered through her blue eyes. "This has nothing to do with Riley," she lied.

Oh, it most definitely had everything to do with Riley.

"And why are we harping on me when you're the one leaving in just five days because you can't deal with the fact that you and James slept together on Saturday."

I froze, glancing up at her hesitantly. Her eyebrow pointed upward in her usual accusing way. "Who..."

"Sirius told me."

I frowned, slumping down on the hospital bed. "I-I don't know why I did it," I whispered. "I'm not even sure how it happened to begin with. One minute I was daring to ask him the questions I had been so afraid to ask and the next minute, he…he was kissing me."

"Apparently he was doing more than that."

I glared at her and she offered me a sheepish grin. "He completely avoided the question," I muttered, shaking my head. "He…he totally kissed me so he wouldn't have to answer it. This wasn't about him missing me or feeling bad or wishing I wasn't leaving. This was about him continuing to ignore my feelings in the slightest. He's…dammit, how could I not realize until now that he totally manipulated me?"

"I don't think he ever intended to manipulate you," she argued.

"I literally had just told the guy who had fallen out of love with me that I was still in love with him and what does he do? He fucking kisses me. Tell me that doesn't scream manipulation to you."

She frowned. "Alright, that does sound pretty bad."

I snorted, lying back against the bed with a sigh. "How about we find anything else to talk about but those two idiots?"

Keegan offered me a wary smile. "That sounds like the best idea I've heard in a very long time."

---

++SIRIUS++

I hadn't wanted to listen to Remus when he said not to bother going to the hospital seeing as Lily and Keegan were completely fine and were probably going to be released in any minute, but when he immobilized me and made me promise not to go flying off the handle, there wasn't much I could do. I really needed to learn an easy countercurse to that spell.

I was now sitting at the kitchen table watching James pace back and forth, mumbling a bunch of incoherent sentences under his breath.

"Any clue what he's been muttering?" Remus asked me.

"No, though I swore I just heard the word elephant. That seems pretty random, don't you think?"

"Could you guys pipe down?" James snapped. "You're ruining my concentration."

"Your concentration on elephants?"

James glanced over at me with a bewildered look etched on his face. "What?"

"No? Elevators maybe? Or sycophants? Perhaps the elements?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The same question could be said to you."

James blinked. "What!?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Lily is fine, Prongs. Stop your worrying."

"She could have died!" James roared, glaring at him. "Hell, she probably should have, and if that wasn't bad enough, apparently I have Padfoot and his libido to thank for the fact that she's alive!"

I scowled as Remus burst into laughter beside me. "You two really need to get over that."

"Should the attack have gone way worse than it had?" Remus said after the laughter died down. "Yes. But it didn't. Lily is fine. And Keegan is fine. And their apartment is even going to be fine, give or take their living room furniture. So whatever overexaggerated spectacle you have in your head about it all, just get rid of it now."

James frowned, clearly pondering Remus' words before shaking his head. "Nope, can't get rid of it," he said with a shrug. "I'm going to St. Mungo's. Sirius? You coming?"

"Prongs," Remus groaned. "Think about Lily. Do you honestly think she wants you showing up?"

James met Remus' gaze as I had an involuntary sharp intake of breath. Ouch. James blinked, his eyes filling with hesitation. "I just…I can't not go," he whispered, shrugging as he headed towards the kitchen door.

Remus swore. "C'mon, by the time you get there, Lily and Keegan will probably be released!"

"Only one way to find out," James said, offering him sheepish grin as he headed out of the kitchen towards the foyer. "YOU COMING OR NOT, PADFOOT?"

I hesitated as Remus glared at me. "Don't do it, Padfoot. I can't have both Lily and Keegan contemplating ways to kill me."

"Don't forget about Prongs and me contemplating ways to kill me, or do you not remember why you were at their flat this morning?" I snorted, climbing out of my chair and heading out of the kitchen.

"Shouldn't you guys be wanting to avoid them!?" Remus pleaded as his last resort, rushing after the both of us. "That was the reason why I was there in the first place!"

"One word, Moony: fiendfyre!" James retorted as he grabbed his jacket off the coatrack and headed towards the door.

"Don't make me immobilize you again!" Remus pleaded.

I snickered, grabbing his wand from my pocket. "How do you figure you'll do that when I stole your wand?"

Remus reached into his pocket frantically before scowling at me. "You stole my wand!?"

"Yep," I said smugly. "Try and stop us now, Wolf Boy."

He charged towards me, but I was running out the door behind James and apparating before the blonde Marauder could stop me.

---

++LILY++

I knew in my heart that I should have died. That fire should have wiped both me and Keegan out. Except it didn't because Keegan had slept with Sirius.

Talk about a strange turn of events.

After a near-death experience, it was hard not to reevaluate the things going on in one's life. And considering my life was a complete disaster, there was a lot to reevaluate. Hell, I didn't even know where to start. Sirius was mad at me. James and I were…well, I hadn't a clue what we were. Keegan was dancing around her feelings and I hated just idly sitting by as she did. And I was moving away in five days. So in the end, none of this should have even mattered to me anymore. But it did. And once upon a time I could ignore it, but when you nearly die due to a life-threatening fire, you couldn't help but realize what really does matter.

"You still alive over there?"

I jumped at Keegan's voice. I sat upright from the hospital bed, smiling as Keegan scowled at the healers who were finishing up their examination of her. Considering Keegan had never been very good at keeping still, she was getting quite impatient with them.

"Yep," I responded. "And why are you talking? Healer Robards told you to keep quiet."

"He should know that's an impossible feat for me!"

Robards chuckled, pulling his wand away from her body. "You're a spitfire, Miss Rouge, y'know that?"

"Is that code for I'm free to go?"

He sighed, pocketing his wand. "Just like Miss Evans, you'll just need to take a disintegration potion to remove any fire or smoke toxins from your body. Miss Richards is preparing that for you now."

When Kay had arrived at work, she was alerted of myself and Keegan being in one of the hospital rooms and had rushed in there before even changing into her scrub robes. She practically started crying when she realized we were okay and Healer Robards immediately put her to work, figuring she'd rather help him than having another mediwitch helping him.

"Well, could she hurry?" Keegan muttered.

He laughed that time. "Have I mentioned recently that you're a spitfire?"

As we all laughed, the door opened and in walked Kay.

"Took you long enough!" Keegan said with a grin. "Alright, let's get this potion thing going, shall we?"

Kay's smile look strained as she headed our way warily. "Of course, but you should probably know something before doing so."

My heart sank. Did one of the examinations go wrong? Were there internal injuries we weren't aware of? Were we going to be stuck there overnight? Was the apartment's damage larger than we originally thought?

Turns out, it was none of the above.

But before Kay could tell us, the door was bursting open and in ran James Potter and Sirius Black.

The very two people that Keegan and I were trying to avoid.

"What the-" I said, shocked as they stumbled over their feet into the room.

"Oh, I am going to murder Remus," Keegan muttered under her breath as her eyes grew slightly wide.

"What happened?" James asked breathlessly.

"Are you okay?" Sirius questioned.

"Are you hurt?"

"When are you getting released?"

"Do you have to stay overnight?"

"Hey!" I cried, shooting them both a look. "Kindly stop with the interrogation, will ya!?"

The two boys went guiltily silent.

"So that I can interrogate you," I added with narrowed eyes. "What the hell are you two doing here?"

"I tried to stop them," a voice came from the doorway. We all swiveled our heads in that direction where Remus stood, casually leaning up against the doorframe with a guilty lopsided smile.

"Well you didn't do a very good job," Keegan drawled.

He shrugged. "To be fair, I didn't try too hard."

"Oh, yeah, I'm definitely murdering you."

"Can you wait until you take your potion before murdering anyone?" Robards said with a smirk.

Keegan scowled. "Well, make it quick, won't ya?"

Robards chuckled as he motioned for Kay.

"Wait, what potion?" James asked frantically.

"Is it safe?" Sirius asked.

"What's in it?"

"What is it for?"

"Oh, dear Merlin, do you guys ever just shut up?" I whined, gritting my teeth as I threw my head back against the pillow.

"Well, gee, sorry for caring," Sirius snorted.

I shot him a glare. "Funny since you've made it pretty clear that you haven't cared about me at all recently," I argued, reminding both him and myself that he had been very set on holding a grudge towards me for nearly a week.

Sirius blinked in shock, frowning. "I never stopped caring just because I was mad," he murmured.

"Well, glad to know it takes an attack on my life for you to show it."

The entire room broke out in cringes. "I'm sorry if you thought I didn't care about you," he spoke softly. "I've just been…" he trailed off.

"Deflecting all of your animosity with Riley towards the rest of us?" I accused, smirking.

Sirius cringed and I couldn't help but notice the very brief glance over at Keegan. "Er…maybe a little?" he admitted, scrunching his nose.

"Try a lot," I snorted.

He sighed. "I'm sorry if-"

"It's fine," I interrupted with a reluctant sigh.

He blinked. "Er…it is?"

I shrugged. "Just because you're a pro at holding grudges doesn't mean that the rest of us are."

James snorted beside me. "Ironic coming from you."

I glared at him. "I'm allowed to hold a grudge against you, Potter!" I snapped. "Considering the only time you show any fucking signs of compassion is when you feel as if you're losing me for whatever reason!"

Everyone in the room cringed at the outburst as he sighed. "That's not true," he argued. "It just-"

"Oh, really? So the last two times I saw you wasn't because I was Bellatrix' Play Toy atop a cliff or because you heard I was moving away?"

James opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn't form. Good. He deserved to be speechless for once.

"Don't you get that we don't want you here?" I pleaded. "Keegan and I are fine. We got out okay. We survived. And we are only in the hospital because it's routine procedure. That's it!"

"Even if it wasn't routine, we can handle ourselves without everyone overcrowding our hospital room," Keegan muttered. I couldn't help but notice that she was actively avoiding eye contact with Sirius.

"We're hardly everyone," Sirius muttered.

As if on cue, the door to our room burst open and in rushed Lance.

"Seriously?" I said, slamming the back of my head against my pillow in disbelief.

Lance stood there breathless, holding on to the doorframe for balance. "Wait…so…you're…" he stuttered as he huffed and puffed.

"Er…you okay there?" Keegan said with a snicker.

He glared at her. "I just got a letter from Kay that said you two were in the hospital! What was I supposed to do but apparate here and run through the hallways looking for you?"

"Kay!" I groaned, shooting her a look.

She grinned. "Er…I may have left out a few minor details."

"Yeah, you mean like the fact that we're fine?" Keegan snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, that was one of the details I may have left out."

Lance shook his head in disbelief, wiping his brow. "I can't believe I almost just gave myself a heart attack for nothing."

"Well, at least you'd be in the hospital if it happened," Sirius said with a shrug.

We all glared at him.

"Speaking of hospitals," Healer Robards spoke up, clearing his throat. "Can we dole out these potions so that I can officially clear you?"

"Yes please," Keegan begged.

Even I couldn't help but nod eagerly.

"So…am I allowed to ask what happened?" Lance asked hesitantly as Robards finished stirring the potions.

Keegan and I exchanged a look, both of us clearly so exhausted mixed with a little bit of frustration.

"Fiendfyre," I finally muttered as Robards handed me a glass with a not-so-appetizing looking concoction.

Lance's eyes grew wide. "What?"

"We're fine," Keegan reminded him, downing the potion in one gulp and then reacting in disgust. "Oh, dear Merlin, that is revolting!"

I whimpered as I gulped mine down, gagging almost immediately. "That tastes like tar!"

Robards chuckled. "Yes, but it will officially make you smoke and ash-free."

"Really?" Keegan asked. "Does that mean we can go home?"

Handing Robards my empty container, I muttered, "Yes, please, before anyone else bombards in here."

I spoke too soon.

"Knock, knock!" a voice rang out from the doorway.

"Oh, come on," I whined, grabbing the pillow on the bed and pressing it to my face as I let out an exasperated gasp.

Alice and Frank froze in the doorway. "Er…and hello to you, too?" Alice said with a snicker.

"Dare I ask what you're doing here?" I sighed, pulling the pillow off my face and tossing it to the side.

"Shouldn't we be asking you that?" Frank said with a nervous chuckle.

"WE'RE FINE!" Keegan cried out with a whimper. "Who the hell is going to be walking in here next? Voldemort himself?"

A knock was heard at the door as it swung open.

"Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous!" I muttered as we all turned towards the door where Shane stood.

He froze as all eyes turned to him. "Er…hi, everyone," he said, clearing his throat. "Well, this is…er…awkward."

"Shane," I said in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, uh," he said, hovering awkwardly in the doorway, "Nora came by earlier to let Nyger know what happened so he wouldn't worry when you didn't show up for work."

"Still doesn't explain what you're doing here," James muttered.

"James," I snapped, glaring at him. "Do me a favor and just go home, won't ya?"

He frowned. "Lily…"

"Don't," I pleaded through gritted teeth, irritated that he was still standing there. He didn't get to only come after me when convenient for him. He didn't seem to understand how much that hurt me more than him staying away. I was so tired of his mixed signals and being in a hospital just made my mind that much more cloudy when it came to him. "Just...just go."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but I could see the desperate guilt wavering in his eyes. Finally, he nodded and without another word he strode towards the door and walked out.

I had to blink furiously to avoid the onset of any tears. It was no wonder I wanted to leave England as soon as possible. James Potter was seriously messing with my head and I no longer wanted to be a part of it if I could help it.

"Feel free to follow him right out, Sirius," Keegan said with a smirk.

He shot me a look. "Don't put me in the same boat as James."

Keegan rolled her eyes, though I couldn't help but notice the restless frown seeping into her jawline.

I thought it best to change the subject, hopping off my bed. "Well, this reunion has been a true blast, but considering I don't want to find out who else is going to walk through that door, I am so out of here."

"Yeah, seriously," Keegan muttered in agreement as she climbed off the bed as well. "If Nora told your work what happened, Lily, it's only a matter of time before-"

Just then, the door to the hospital room flung open and in rushed Victor Hans.

Keegan froze, turning towards the door. She sighed, muttering, "-before my coworkers barge in here."

If we thought it was awkward before, that was nothing compared to the tension in the air now.

---

++KEEGAN++

Holy awkwardness. We have the guy I am dating (albeit nonexclusively) on my right side and the guy I just slept with earlier that morning (which inevitably saved my life) on my left side.

I could have really used a black hole to fall into at that moment.

"Uh, Victor," I said, clearing my throat. "Hi. What are you doing here?"

"Mrs. Gilmore came in the office today to tell us what happened to you and Lily. She barely got the words out before I rushed down here," he explained in a haste. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Oh, hell, if I have to explain this one more time," I sighed, walking hesitantly towards him. "You didn't have to come all the way down here, Victor. Really, I'm fine."

"I can see that," he said with a relieved sigh, reaching out and embracing me. I could pretty much feel Sirius' judging eyes on the back of my head. "What about your apartment?"

I cringed. "Er…well, that isn't so fine," I said with a nervous chuckle. "I mean, it will be. Just not today."

"So stay with me tonight," he urged.

And now I could feel Sirius' judging eyes turn to frustration. "Of course," I said with a strained smile.

The icing on the cake was Victor leaning down to kiss me.

"So if your apartment is ruined, does that mean that all of your newspaper articles you've collected over the years and all of your hard work with the Potter exposé has been destroyed?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

I shook my head. "No," I urged. "I had everything covered in double-fireproofed spells. Just like any other journalist would do for insurance."

"Well, I'm just glad you're okay," he said with a smile, squeezing my shoulder.

"Well, ain't this an adorable lovefest," Sirius snorted behind me. "But what happened to all of us leaving?"

I did everything in my power to not turn in his direction. "Yeah, I don't want to know the next person who plans to walk through that-"

I was cut off once again by the door opening and Riley peeking her head in.

I threw my hands in the air. "Oh, for the love of God!"

Riley blinked, taking a hesitant step into the room. "Well, wasn't that a lovely greeting."

Silence filled the room and for very good reason. What we had here was an incredibly awkward love rectangle.

A rectangle in which only two of us knew about.

I found myself peeking over in the direction of Sirius, and was taken aback when I realized he was already staring at me. I tried to break eye contact but found myself unable to, suddenly wishing that I was anywhere but standing in that room feeling the air suffocating out of me.

"I'm getting out of here," I said frantically, brushing past Victor and maneuvering around Riley to spill myself out into the hallway. The moment I freed myself from the situation, I couldn't help but break out into a light jog down the corridor in a desperate attempt to just get away from it all. What 'all' was, I couldn't be sure, but I knew that I couldn't be around any of them.

"Keegan."

I froze at the elevator, whirling around to face Remus. "What do you want, Remus?"

He frowned hesitantly. "Give him a chance."

I blinked. "What?"

Remus' hand reached up to squeeze my shoulder. "You know what."

"I assure you I don't."

He merely shrugged, turning around and heading back towards the hospital room.

"What? That's it? Where are you going? What did you mean by that? Remus? Remus!"

But he was already rounding the corridor and out of my eyesight.

Well, that was strange.

---

++SIRIUS++

Holy awkwardness. We have the girl I had once been in love with who I stupidly slept with (an engaged girl) on my right side and the guy who was dating the other girl who I had just slept with earlier that morning (which inevitably saved said girl's life) on my left side.

Could this day get any worse?

"So are we getting out of here or what?" I muttered, glancing around the group with what I could only presume were desperate eyes.

"So," Remus said as he sauntered back into the room, "you're really just going to refuse to talk to James at all, Lily?"

I cringed as Lily's head swiveled in his direction. "Yeah, Remus, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I meant what I said earlier. He only ever shows up when it's convenient for him. When I'm lying in a hospital bed and he's afraid he's going to lose me. When he finds out I'm moving away and he's not ready to let me go. Well, fuck him. He doesn't get to decide the fate of our relationship anymore. Not when he already did that by telling me he no longer loved me. Now can we get the hell out of here or what?"

She didn't bother waiting for a response as she brushed past the small crowd of people and poured into the hallway.

"Er…I think I missed something here," Victor murmured.

"Eh, sometimes you're better off that way," Frank snorted, reaching for Alice's hand as they both led the group out of the room.

"What are you even doing here, Hans?" Riley asked curiously as we all headed down the hallway.

"I came here for Keegan," he pointed out.

Riley's eyes narrowed. "Why?"

I knew then that Riley hadn't a clue that there was an inter-company relationship going on between Victor and Keegan.

Victor shrugged. "Just because," he lied.

I couldn't help but snort, earning me a look from Remus. "Wow, you're a journalist and the best you could come up with on the spot is 'just because.'"

Victor glanced over his shoulder at me. "Y'know, I get the real sense that you don't like me."

"And where'd you get a wacky idea like that?" I said with a smirk.

"Smug comments like that, for one."

I merely shrugged as we approached the elevator. "Considering all we heard for months was what a complete douchebag you were from Rouge and now suddenly you guys are all buddy-buddy makes me a little wary of you."

Remus snorted behind me, earning him an elbow to the stomach from yours truly. Victor's lips pursed together as he shot me a glare. "Yeah and considering all I heard was what a complete douchebag you were from Rouge and now suddenly you're standing up for her, makes me a lot wary of you."

Touché, m'friend. Touché.

"Can we please wait until we get out of the hospital in the very least before breaking out into any arguments?" Lance asked, kissing Kay on the cheek as she headed back to work. "It's far too early for so much bickering."

"Then you're in with the wrong group," Remus muttered.

I glared at him. "I'm seriously counting a list of all the ways I plan to murder you once we're outside."

"I'd actually prefer you attempt murder on me now so that I'd have quick access to a bunch of Healers."

"I'm thinking hedge clippers. Incredibly dull ones."

"Makes sense. You'd want to make it as painful as possible."

I scowled. "Glad you're finding this amusing."

"Anytime."

---

++JAMES++

I had successfully avoided talking to anyone that day. I buried myself in filing old crime reports in the storage room so as to not be at my desk around my coworkers. I refused to go home to Potter Manor at the end of the day so as not to have to talk to Remus or Sirius, who I could only imagine wanted to once again have a conversation about Lily with me. And I hummed horrible pop tunes in my head all day so I could avoid thinking about Lily in any way. It worked for the most part. Until I found out we were having an emergency Order meeting that night.

I trudged into that basement at exactly nine o'clock on the dot, the time the meeting was intended to start so I could avoid the small talk with everyone, and let out a sigh of relief when Albus almost immediately started motioning for people to take a seat. The room was jam-packed with people. There weren't enough seats for everyone and I was more than happy to fade into the background against the back wall to avoid looking anyone in the eye.

"I think we all know why I have gathered you all here today," Albus spoke at the front of the room.

I frowned as half of the room surreptitiously turned their heads in the direction where Lily sat.

"As I am sure you have all heard, there was a pre-meditated attack on Lily Evans' apartment earlier this morning," he continued. "I say pre-meditated because it is now clear that Voldemort knows more about our movements than he should."

I felt a slight chill creep on to the back of my neck as Dumbledore confirmed our worst fears: someone in that room was acting as a double agent. My eyes scanned the room, looking for any sort of guilt but all I found was shock and anger and confusion among the faces of my colleagues.

"What exactly are you saying, Albus?" Rafe Gilmore finally spoke, though the words were cautious and had me convinced he already knew the answer.

The expression on Albus' face grew grim. "I'm saying we all have to be extra careful with who we put our trust into."

Rafe frowned. "Yeah, that's what I thought you were saying," he muttered irritably, darting his eyes around the room skeptically. He wasn't the only one. Everyone in that room looked distrustful and hesitant, anger hiding behind it all.

Albus didn't harp on it and I wasn't surprised. While he wanted us all to be mindful with who we not only spoke to but inevitably who we trusted, he was also not one to be vengeful. I began to tune him out again, not wanting to settle my thoughts on the near-death experience that occurred that morning. My jaw tightened as my eyes instinctively sought out Lily, replaying our earlier conversation in my head. She had been so angry and bitter towards me and I couldn't even blame her. She was right. I did only show up when it was convenient for me. I was playing fast and loose with her heart and I can only imagine how frustrated with me she must be.

"At approximately 5:15 in the morning, Keegan Rouge was returning to her apartment that she shares with Miss Evans and met up with two Death Eaters who had just began to set the fiendfyre," Albus spoke gravely. "Because of her timely interruption, the fire had been relatively contained. No one was seriously injured and while there was damage to the apartment and the building, it is minimal compared to what could have happened."

"What was the motivation behind this attack?" Marlene McKinnon called out from the corner of the room, resting comfortably in Gideon Prewett's arms which were snaked around her shoulders (they were in an on-again off-again relationship that had lasted nearly six years. Guess this was one of their on-again stages).

My heart skipped a beat. Very few people in the room knew that I was a number one target of dear old Voldemort and he was out to get everyone surrounding me because of it. And I really hoped I could continue to keep it that way.

"We have our suspicions," Moody spoke up gruffly from behind. I glanced to my left to see him hovering by the entrance, his arms crossed defensively.

When he didn't elaborate, Marlene rolled her eyes. "Well, gee, that was detailed."

A few people around the room snickered but most of us remained cautiously silent.

I really didn't need anyone else connecting the dots and coming to the realization that Lily was a proactive victim of the Death Eaters. Glancing up at Moody, I could tell he was going to stand his ground and leave the unconfirmed theory floating around to himself, to which I was eternally grateful. Just when I felt myself let out a sigh of relief, a familiar female voice spoke out across the room.

"They were after me."

I froze, my eyes meeting Lily's who sat on one of the few available chairs towards the front of the room. "Lily-" I choked out harshly.

"I don't know why, but they were," she spoke, cutting me off. "It can't be a coincidence that I'm attacked down the block from my apartment one week and just a few weeks later, I'm attacked in my actual apartment. I must have done something to them because it's clear I am Public Enemy Number One."

No, Lily, you did nothing. I'm the one who did something by being born a Potter.

Hushed murmurs spread out across the room, ones filled with shock and dismay at the prospect of actively knowing that Voldemort's army was going directly after one of our own.

"But why now?" Gideon questioned curiously. "I mean, we've always known they've been out to get Muggleborns, but why are they only now setting their sights on you?"

I tensed, the answer flooding to my mind almost immediately. But it was Sydny who answered. "Because Lily's moving to the States," she said hesitantly.

Another round of murmurs sparked. Clearly not everyone was aware of that fact.

"So…they want her now before she can do so?" Dorcas Meadowes chimed in with a furrowed brow.

"Apparently," Lily drawled.

"Alright, I think we've had enough attack recap for one night," I spoke up, raising my voice irritably. I really didn't want anyone getting close to finding out the link between myself and her.

All heads turned to me. "Isn't this what we do?" Drew pointed out, gazing at me curiously. "Recap and speculate to determine possible future attacks?"

I could kill him. "But that's all any of this is. Speculation," I retaliated.

"Yeah, and?" he asked, clearly confused. "Speculation is one of the driving forces behind this organization, James."

"He's just trying to do what he does best, Drew," Lily spoke, her voice filled with hostility as she looked me in the eye. "Protect someone he has no right to protect."

I opened my mouth to retort, but she cut me off. "Though based on the fact that I've been attacked twice in just a couple of weeks, I guess it's not what you do best, now is it?"

Tension filled the air at her cold words, a round of 'oohs' chorusing throughout. My own heart sank at the harshness behind them, my eyes meeting hers across the room. "You were right to push up your moving date," I found myself saying, forgetting that I was in a roomful of people who couldn't care less about our petty feud, "In fact, considering all of your belongings have gone up in flames, what's really holding you back from leaving tonight?"

"James," Remus groaned, shooting me a look.

The hatred in Lily's expression was evident. "Oh, so now you want me to leave?" she snarled. "Because I got to say, that is exactly the opposite of what you said on Saturday!"

I cringed. That was actually a fair point. "Er…" It was all I could think of to say. I was completely out of arguments. I was so hot and cold, wanting one thing in one minute and wanting the opposite in the next that even I hadn't a clue where I stood with her anymore. Did I want her to go? Hell, no. Did her going mean these attacks on her life would lessen? Probably. So did that mean it was best for her to go? Yeah.

But while my head was saying one thing, my heart was saying a completely different thing.

"Well, damn, I wasn't aware James Potter ever knew how to be speechless," Lily drawled, turning her gaze away from me as she glanced back up at Albus.

"So," Marlene spoke up, clearing her throat, "They're waiting outside Lily's apartment one day. A week later they're attacking her in her apartment. Are we to assume that they've been tracking her?"

"Must I repeat my urge to stop this speculation?" I snapped at her.

"It's a little too late for that," Sydny muttered beside me. I turned to glare at her but she simply shrugged, not perturbed by it at all.

Lily met my gaze, an angry frown on her face. She spoke to Marlene, but she was looking at me the entire time. "I can't give you specific details, Mar, but something major is going on," Lily continued, crossing her arms across her body hesitantly. "They're watching me. Which means there's a chance they are watching all of us."

Nope, just you, Lily. All because I had fallen in love with you four years ago, forcing you into this hellhole.

Life truly was a bitch sometimes.

Make that all the time.

---

++REMUS++

"Well, what have we learned tonight?" Sirius snickered as he all piled into the Potter Manor kitchen for some much-needed alcohol.

"That Prongs is a complete wuss?" I snorted.

James glared at me. "What makes me a wuss here, Remus? The fact that I want Lily safe?"

"The fact that you refuse to tell her the truth as to why she's being targeted," I snapped, reaching into the refrigerator for three beers. I doled them out and shot James a look. "I let you do your thing even though I didn't agree with it when you let her go because you thought you were protecting her from harm, but if you haven't noticed, it didn't exactly work."

James froze, glancing up at me slowly. "No, but the fact that she's shipping herself off to an entirely new country might."

"Oh, dear Merlin, have you learned absolutely nothing from the past couple of months?"

"I've learned that tequila sometimes will mask the pain."

I glared at him.

"Er…that's probably not what you were referring to."

"When are you going to stop trying to control her life all the goddamned time?" I whined, popping the cap off my beer and taking a swig. "Why can't you just for once let her make her own decisions?"

"I'm letting her go off to the States, aren't I?"

"BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE WHOLE TRUTH!"

James cringed and even Sirius cowered at the sound of my shouts. "It seems to me that we always end up going round and round in circles on the topic of the truth when it comes to James and Lily-bean," Sirius mused.

I snickered as James glared at him. "You're no better," James snorted. "One minute, you tell me not to tell her the truth. The next minute, you tell me to tell her. How the hell am I supposed to make up my mind if you guys can't even do it?"

"Oh, right, like we're really supposed to believe you don't have your mind made up already," I snapped, falling into a kitchen chair with an exasperated grunt.

James blinked, taking a sip of beer as he pondered those words. "I-I don't," he said softly. "And you know why? Because my head and my heart are telling me two different things and it's impossible figuring out which one to listen to. And frankly, you guys berating me or giving me your opinions isn't going to help me figure it out any more than if you kept quiet. So please for the love of Merlin, will you just let me figure things out on my own?"

He whirled around and stormed out of the kitchen before Sirius or I could get in another word edgewise.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. Like he expects us to believe he'll figure things out on his own? The last time he made a decision all on his own, he broke up with Lily!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

---

++LILY++

The last place I wanted to be that night was at Potter Manor, yet that is where my feet had dragged me after the Order meeting. Only I wasn't there for James. I was there for Sirius.

His door was cracked open when I knocked. Before he could even invite me in, I opened it and snuck my head in. He glanced up from his bed where he lounged with what appeared to be some sort of Quidditch rulebook in front of him. "Hey," he greeted, clearly surprised to see me.

I entered his room, shutting the door behind me while trying to ignore the closed door across the hall. "Hey," I murmured back, perching on the end of his bed.

When I said nothing more, his eyebrow shot up curiously. "So I know you wouldn't be here unless you had a good reason, all things considering," he spoke, nodding towards James' room across the hall, "So what's up?"

My lips pursed curiously as I glanced up at him. "What's going on between you and Keegan?"

His expression turned into surprise. "Uh…nothing," he said, narrowing his eyes. "And I'm kinda getting tired of people asking me that question."

I shrugged. "We're only asking because we know something is going on, whether you'd like to admit it or not."

He rolled his eyes. "Why is it that when two people are just fooling around and having a little bit of fun, people automatically assume it means something more? Why can't it just be casual? Why can't people just let it go?"

"I'll let it go when you can."

He frowned, slowly meeting my gaze. "I mean it, Lily-bean. Nothing is going on between us."

I sighed. "Bloody hell, why are you two so convinced it's nothing?"

"Because that's what it is!" he snapped. "Stop trying to make it into something more."

I could see the frantic anxiety resting in his eyes as he glared at me. I knew in that instant his frustrations weren't with me. They were with himself. "Or are you convinced it's nothing because of Riley?" I asked softly.

The frustration in his eyes gave way to hesitation. "What?"

"She's still in the picture," I spoke, meeting his wary gaze. "And until you figure out whether you want to be a part of that picture or not, you're not going to let yourself be open to any other possibilities."

His frown turned tense. "Riley has nothing to do with Keegan."

"Doesn't she?"

"No," he lied.

I let out another sigh, tugging at the end of my ponytail curiously. "Sirius…"

"Stop," he pleaded, shooting me a look. "I really don't want to go back to being angry with you so please don't give me a reason to."

I wanted nothing more than to interrogate him further, but I also knew when it was time to leave it alone. So I pulled myself off his bed with a shrug. "Alright," I agreed. "I-I just…I don't want you to end up like me." I nodded my good-bye before turning towards the door.

"You mean, like someone who is running away?" he snorted.

I froze, my hand on the doorknob. Slowly, I turned around to face him. "You've been running for a long time, Sirius," I pointed out. "You just haven't been doing a good job at it."

"Whoa, I'm not the one who ran," he snapped, alluding to Riley.

"No, you're just the one who is running from your feelings with Keegan by using Riley as your scapegoat," I muttered. "Believe me, I know exactly what that feels like."

He opened his mouth to clearly say something deprecating in return, but ended up stopping himself. His expression grew wary as he stared at me, a jumble of emotions flickering in his grey eyes. Eventually, he fell back against his pillow with a lengthy sigh. "I-I don't want to be using her as my scapegoat," he whispered, his gaze falling on to the ceiling.

My eyebrow quirked curiously. "But?" I urged.

I saw the anguish in his eyes as his bottom lip trembled. He said nothing at first, but I knew he would talk. I could see he wanted to, though he'd been so against it for so long. Finally, he glanced over at me and I watched the burden in his eyes fade into guilt. "I-I fell in love with Riley four years ago. Hell, if I'm being honest, I really fell in love with her eleven years ago. Eleven years. She was one of the first purebloods I met besides James who didn't give a shit about my surname or the prejudices that came with it. Who befriended me anyway. Who made me believe that there could be good people in our world. I wasn't planning to fall in love with her. Hell, I-I never thought I could love someone. After what I witnessed as a child, love was so farfetched for me. I never believed in it. I had too much hatred and resentment built up inside of me to leave room for anything else," he muttered, his gaze falling on to the ceiling. "And then Riley came along and…and everything changed. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with her. I-I wasn't any good at it, that's for sure. I made mistakes. A lot of them. But she forgave me for them. It always took some convincing, but she always made her way back to me. Every time. She…she was the one. She was always the one to me. I-I don't know how to let myself believe that someone else could be the one. How do I do that? How…how am I just supposed to let eleven years go, Lily? Eleven years? How can I just give up on that? Give up on her when…when she never gave up on me even when I deserved it?"

My heart ached for the clearly confused and broken man in front of me. Removing my hand from the door, I made my way back over to the bed. "She…she did give up on you," I whispered, sitting crosslegged at the end of his bed. "She walked away from you, Sirius. You never walked away from her."

He frowned. "Yet, I'm supposed to just walk away now?"

"I'm not telling you to walk away," I spoke softly. "That's not what I'm doing. I'm just telling you that no matter how in love with her you were at one point doesn't mean you are still in love with her today. It just means that the possibility of walking away is that much more difficult."

He glanced up at me, his head cocked to the side. "You think I should walk away, don't you."

I hesitated before shaking my head.. "I think you have feelings for Keegan and that scares the hell out of you because you haven't had feelings for anyone since Riley. And the reason that it has been so difficult for you trying to figure out how you feel about Riley isn't because of her or even you. It's because of Keegan."

He said nothing, leaning his head against his backboard with a restless sigh.

"If you want to be with Riley, Sirius, then be with her," I pleaded. "And if it's Keegan you want, then say good-bye to Riley and be with Keegan. Just…just make a decision. Don't keep stringing them both along."

"Lily-"

"Hell, don't keep stringing yourself along," I muttered, my own heart constricting at the thought. "It's not just Keegan and Riley who deserve better. It's you. You…you deserve to be happy, Sirius. So maybe that's all it comes down to. Maybe you need to figure out who makes you the happiest. Because after four years of misery, you deserve that in the very least."

"Lily-"

"Make a decision, Sirius," I repeated, recognizing the own desperate pleading in my voice as I climbed off the bed and headed towards the door. I ignored the tears pricking in my own eyes as I thought about my choice to leave instead of stay. I'd never know if it was the right one or not, but I had to believe in my heart this was the only thing left for me.

"How do I know who the right one is?" he whispered before I could walk out the door.

I hesitated, blinking away the tears as I glanced over my shoulder at him. "Stop listening to your head, Sirius. Stop talking yourself out of being with Riley just because you're angry at her if you truly want to be with her. Or stop thinking that Riley has to be the one now just because she had been the one then. And stop trying to convince yourself you don't have feelings for Keegan because you're afraid that someone else other than Riley could be the one for you. Just stop trying to figure everything out. Let your heart do the talking for once."

"You going to take your own advice?"

I froze, my eyes widening slightly as I glanced up into Sirius' critical gaze. "I've already taken my advice," I mumbled, whirling around and walking out before Sirius could tell me I was lying to myself. I already knew I was lying. I didn't need him telling me that.

But if James no longer loved me, then what the hell would listening to my heart do?

---

++SIRIUS++

"Make a decision, Sirius."

Fuck, if it was that easy, didn't she realize I would have done that already?

She was right. A part of me had fallen for Keegan Rouge. We hadn't just had a physical connection. We had an emotional one, too. She understood me better than a lot of people even though I've only known her for a short period of time. Her heart matched mine. Her fears and insecurities meshed with my own. Our histories overlapped. We bickered all the time because we were the same.

I never expected to fall for Keegan Rouge. I had always believed she was far too smug for my taste, she was defensive and could be quite manipulative and ruthless when she wanted to be, she didn't trust anyone making it hard to trust her, she was stubborn and showed glimpses of arrogance because of it, and she always had to be right. She had been rude to me from the start and because of that, I completely disregarded her. I never considered her anyone worth getting to know and yet in the past few months, all I had done was get to know her. The façade she put on for everyone wasn't anywhere near the person she really was. She was fragile and confused and lost in her own secrets. She wasn't the bitch she was often perceived to be. She was just a girl who had her heart broken.

Something that I knew all too well.

But just because at some point over the last few months, I had found himself wanting to be around Keegan more and more didn't mean my heart didn't still belong to Riley. Riley had stolen my heart eleven years ago. Eleven years. Keegan was only in my heart for a few months. And that's not to say I was even in hers. Just because I was feeling something for Keegan didn't mean she felt anything for me. So how can I throw away eleven years of being in love with someone for a girl I barely knew? For a girl who probably didn't feel the same about me?

Who the hell did I want to be with? In a week, a month, a year? Who did my future belong to?

"Stop listening to your head, Sirius…Just let your heart do the talking."

Lily was right. I needed to stop analyzing everything. I needed to stop trying to make sense of it all. I needed to put aside the questions marks and the what-ifs. I needed to stop thinking that logic was going to lead my down the right path. It wasn't about doing the right thing. It was about being with the right girl.

I closed my eyes, begging my heart to lead me towards the right girl. As I did, one face stood out over the other.

When I eventually opened my eyes, I knew I finally had my answer.

---

++KEEGAN++

Lily and I had been given the go-ahead to move back into our apartment the following morning. I couldn't believe it considering the initial damage I had assumed the fiendfyre would have done, but as we both entered our apartment, we were shocked to see how put-together the place actually appeared to be. We were seriously lacking in furniture and a lot of our kitchen supplies had to be tossed, but overall, the place looked almost as good as new.

I spent the day at work trying to focus my thoughts on furniture for fear of letting my mind wander to things I had been actively avoiding thinking about.

Or just one thing in particular by the name of Sirius Black.

I had not planned on ever getting sucked back into some sort of clandestine relationship with him and yet I had stupidly let my guard down with him. I was an idiot for falling for his brooding charm yet again. But in a way, it was as if I couldn't help it. He was seemingly the only person who ever really knew what to say and do around me. The exposed me. The me with baggage. He was supposed to see me as damaged not as desirable. And yet that was never the case with him. He saw the me beyond the damaged goods. He took the time to care about me despite my past.

It should have felt weird sharing intimate conversations with him and swapping advice but it wasn't. Not even in the slightest. It was as if he and I shared such a similar history that every word he spoke could have been coming out of my mouth. I was grateful that I could be there for Sirius when he so obviously needed someone willing to listen and not judge. And I didn't judge. I probably should have but I didn't.

Nope, the only person I was judging was myself for falling into bed with him when I was seemingly in a relationship with another man.

"Hey there."

Speak of the devil.

I glanced up, guilt spreading throughout my every vein as Victor wandered into my hole of an office. He shut the door behind me, smiling down at me. "Hey," I greeted, forcing out a grin. "Whatcha doing here?"

"A guy can't visit his girl in her office?"

I put my quill down with a smirk. "What happened to hiding this from everyone in the office?"

"Eh, you're far too cute for me to stay away too long," he said with a grin, coming up around my desk with a sultry glint in his eye.

I pushed Sirius out of my mind. "Flattery will get you everywhere, m'friend," I whispered, grabbing his tie and drawing him to me to press my lips to.

He chuckled, lightly planting his lips on mine as he propped himself up on the arms of my chair. "I hope I didn't interrupt your very busy work," he whispered, continuing to kiss me.

"Oh, I assure you that you did," I teased in between kisses. "Good thing I don't mind."

"What were you working on?" he asked. "Potter exposé?"

I pulled back, giving him a curious look. "No. The article on the upcoming Quidditch World Cup."

"Ah, fun," he teased. "Now as much as I love chatting to you about work, I certainly didn't come in here to do so." He winked before leaning over and kissing me.

I felt slightly like a rebel as I snogged my coworker in my office. If only Malone could see me now. I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew me closer to me, our tongues intertwining in a heated passion. He leaned up against the desk and I pulled myself off the chair, pressing my body up against his as our lips continued to graze. "I can't believe that I'm here snogging you in my office when I wouldn't have been caught dead doing so just a month ago," I whispered, my lips never leaving his.

He snickered, his lips continuing to dance against mine. "Gee, thanks."

I smirked, pulling back slightly as I rested my forehead against his. "Oh, please. You would be the first to admit that you were a bit of a jackass."

He shrugged, unperturbed by the snub. "I had to be," he murmured, leaning back against the desk with a sigh. "Still do, really. I have to be cutthroat in order to Malone to hand me any kind of decent story. There are far too many guys around here for me not to stand out."

"And being a jackass is the only way to do that?"

He frowned. "You're a woman. You wouldn't understand."

"Excuse me?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that," he cringed. "It's just two completely different situations. I know how hard you work. How hard you have to work because let's face it, Malone doesn't exactly have a sweet spot for female writers. I realize you're already not one of his favorites but at least you stand out because of it. Maybe not in the way you would like, but you do. With me, with all of the guys in this office, we have a lot more people to compete with. If you're not standing out, you're not going to get any story. "

I frowned, taking a hesitant seat back in my chair. "I hate that that makes sense," I said with a hint of a smile.

He chuckled, reaching over to brush a hair from my face. "We all got to do what we got to do to get a story. Even you can understand that. Especially with the Potter exposé and the story you wrote about the New Year's Eve attack on Potter Manor."

"I didn't have to do anything to get those stories. I just happen to know the right people."

He smirked. "James Potter is apparently a good person to know."

"For a story maybe," I sighed. "But his life is pretty much falling apart around him. Hence the exposé."

"At least he has you, a friend, writing it," he urged. "The words will mean something. Any other writer would be in it for the fame and the fortune."

I frowned. "I don't really want either," I spoke softly. "I just want James to be able to gain some closure."

Victor smiled sadly, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "I hope that you'll be able to give him that."

I sighed, knowing that it wouldn't be enough. "It'll be a start I guess," I muttered.

"Do you have a lot more research to do on it?"

I shook my head. "Not particularly. A few more boxes filled with Mr. Potter's case files but that's really it. I have most of it outlined and about 75% of it is actually in chapter form. I've just got to finish it out and tie it all back to one another."

"Wow, you've been working really hard on that thing, haven't you?"

I shrugged, nodding.

A slow smirk appeared on his face. "You should probably take a break from it, hm?" he said, leaning over to kiss me. "Maybe spend a little more time with a certain guy friend instead. I know he would be willing to make it your while."

I grinned, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close to me. "Oh, yeah?" I whispered. "How so?"

"I think you know," he spoke, traveling kisses down my jawline before smashing them hungrily against my own.

Knock, knock.

Victor and I couldn't tear ourselves apart fast enough as the door was opened. "Hey, Keegan, do you have the bylines for—oops!" Riley said, cringing when she saw the two of us tangled together. "Er…sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," she continued with a smirk.

I could feel the heat rising to my checks as I smacked Victor playfully on the chest. "You see, this is why we shouldn't play tonsil hockey in the office."

He chuckled sheepishly, throwing me a guilty look. "Eh, considering Riley and Rhett can barely keep their hands off of each other every time he stops by the office, I'm pretty sure we can guarantee that Miss Gilmore here has slept with her fiancé in her office loads of times."

"What!? I have not!" she argued.

Victor shot her a knowing look.

"-done that more than twice," she finished with a sheepish grin.

We all erupted into laughter. "Real classy, Gilmore," he teased, grinning impishly. "Alright, I should head back to work I guess. Feel free to talk about me after I leave as we all know you will."

"We have a few more important things to discuss, Mister Hans," Riley argued. "Like, oh I don't know, the articles we're expected to write so Malone doesn't ream us out?"

"Well then you better limit the gossip to under a minute."

Riley elbowed him teasingly as he slid past her and out the door, his laughter carrying him out.

"So," Riley said pointedly, leaning up against the wall in pure amusement. "Was it not you who warned me on my first day here to steer clear of the men in this office as they are all conceited, power-hungry pigs?"

"Hm, you must have me confused with someone else."

She shot me a look.

"Alright, maybe that was me," I said with an awkward chuckle. "But things change in nine months."

"What exactly has changed with Victor?" Riley asked curiously. "I had always been under the impression he was one of the biggest scumbags in this office."

"He was," I spoke. "Still is. But as he pointed out to me earlier, he kinda has to be in order to continue being one of Malone's pets. If you can't beat them, join them, right?"

"Last I checked, Victor was one of those trying to both beat and join Malone. He's mini-Malone. I thought you had made up that nickname?"

I cringed. I forgot about that. "Behind closed doors, he's different."

Riley shrugged. "Hey, I'm not judging. Bad boys are somehow elusively attractive to women everywhere. Apparently we're sadists."

I couldn't help but laugh. Sadistic did in fact describe quite a bit of my relationships. Even the fake ones such as Sirius. A smile spread across my face at the thought but I quickly erased it. I had to quickly remove that thought from my mind, especially considering I was standing in front of the one and only Riley Gilmore. "At the end of the day it's just about being with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, right?"

Her smile wavered slightly before nodding. "Yeah," she said softly.

I wondered if she was thinking about Sirius, too.

"Anyway, I just came in looking for the accredited bylines that Malone asked you to write up," she said, hastily changing the subject. "Have you completed them?"

"Yep," I said, letting the subject change occur. Riley and I have always gotten along (ironic, hm?) but we rarely discussed our personal lives together. Our conversations essentially remained work-related at all times. "Here you go," I said, handing her the stack of parchment with the information.

"Thanks," she said, grabbing them out of my hand and heading towards the door.

I thought that was the last of it but she froze in the doorway, slowly turning around to face me with a look of shocked realization gleaming in her expression. "You're…you're dating Victor Hans." It wasn't a question.

"Er…yes. Haven't we already gone over this?"

"That's why he showed up at the hospital yesterday."

I nodded. "Yeah…"

She frowned. "Sirius knew about this, didn't he," she blurted out, blinking in awe.

Well, that threw me for a loop. Mostly because since our initial encounter where Sirius found out we knew each other, the subject of Sirius has remained unspokenly taboo between us. "Uh, yeah, I guess. So?"

Being a journalist, you have to be fairly perceptive. And even if I wasn't, the complacent defeat that fell to Riley's face was extremely hard to ignore. I knew in that moment that whatever she was about to say, I had no desire to hear.

I was right.

"Sirius fancies you, Keegan."

---

++RILEY++

I couldn't tell you if I was deliberately trying to avoid thinking about Sirius and Keegan together or if subconsciously I didn't want to think about it or if it was just easier pretending I didn't know they had apparently had some sort of casual sex relationship together, but standing here in front of her, I couldn't ignore it anymore.

And suddenly it wasn't Keegan with Sirius I was thinking about. It was me. The memories came flooding back. The good, the bad. The memories we shared as friends, as enemies, as lovers. I recalled all of the laughs we shared, the secrets we told, the times I used him as a crying shoulder, the pranks we played, the snowball fights we started, the dips in the lakes, the strolls around the grounds, the underground tunnels we found, the dungeon room that became our safe haven, the late-night study sessions, the parties we danced at, the times we snuck out to Hogsmeade, the Quidditch matches we watched. The list just went on and on. We had had our bad moments, that's for sure. For two years we avoided any semblance of feelings we had for one another by replacing it with anger and resentment. But when I looked back on my Hogwarts days, it wasn't those two years I ever remembered. Because Sirius hadn't been a part of my life then and looking back, the only times I was ever truly happy was when he was by my side.

But I wasn't a teenager anymore. This wasn't Hogwarts. This was the real world four years later. Four years after I had destroyed a friendship and a relationship with a single life-altering decision. A decision I still to this day wasn't sure was the right one. It was a decision that still haunted me to this day. And I knew it haunted Sirius, too. That decision changed everything between us. But here we were four years later, still unable to let go of one another. So what did that mean? Was I with Rhett as a distraction or did I love him? Did Sirius fall for Keegan as an attempt at moving on or did he want to be with her?

"What?" Keegan responded, interrupting my thoughts. "Where the hell did that come from?"

I snapped back to reality. "He does. He likes you, Keegan."

She scoffed. "Oh, he does not. We're just friends."

I frowned. "Who slept together."

I could see she was clearly uncomfortable with this conversation. "Sex doesn't always lead to monogamy, Riley," she muttered dryly.

"Oh, believe me, I know that," I was quick to agree with a shrug. "I'm not telling you to jump into a relationship with him. I'm simply telling you that Sirius likes you."

"No, he doesn't," she retaliated defensively. I was wondering if she was more trying to convince herself than me.

I frowned. "Yeah," I whispered. "He does."

I should have let it go. I should have stayed out of it. I shouldn't have made it my business. But as I glanced up into Keegan's eyes, I saw a faraway vulnerable flicker in her eyes and I was hit with the mind-blowing realization of how much she reminded me of myself four years ago. And I will always look back at that moment and realize that that was the moment I discovered I couldn't go backwards. We had shared great memories but those memories would always live in the past. When I left my life behind, I left behind those memories. I couldn't get them back. I couldn't recreate them.

After a crumbled heap of memories, all I had was that present moment and future memories. I needed to stop living in the past and figure out what it was my future could hold. For four years, I had been hiding from myself and from my insecurities. I pretended I wasn't a horrible person. I acted as if I hadn't given up on so many people that had made me the eighteen-year-old girl I was. I reconnected with Rhett as a way of holding on to just a fragment of the girl I once was, but was it enough? Was Rhett going to give me a future I deserved? Was he going to make all my hopes and dreams come true?

Or was Sirius the only person who would ever be able to do that?

"Riley," Keegan snapped.

I jumped, glancing up at her. "What?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Was there anything else you needed from me, or are the bylines-"

"Do you know what one of the first questions was that Sirius asked me after he awoke from his unconscious state two weeks ago?" I blurted out.

Keegan blinked, clearly thrown by the question. "Riley-"

I didn't let her get in a word edgewise. "He asked me what Victor Hans was like."

I could practically see the defensiveness in her stiffened spine. "So?"

I shot her a look. "The guy nearly died, he had no clue if Lily was going to live or not, and he was confined to a hospital bed while his entire body was covered with aches and bruises and yet the first thing out of his mouth is a question about a guy you're dating? You're really going to sit there and tell me that doesn't mean anything?"

She so obviously wished she had a good response to that as her mouth opened and shut repeatedly, very much similar to a goldfish's. "I couldn't for the life of me tell you how Sirius Black's mind works."

I frowned, my heart skipping a beat. "I think we both know that you could."

She pursed her lips, sighing inwardly. "Stop," she said, shaking her head. "You and everyone else need to just stop thinking that something is going on between us. He doesn't have feelings for me, Riley. I just…I just know."

I shrugged. "Then why do you sound so hesitant?"

The frustration continued to grow in her expression. "Did you ever think, Riley, that maybe it's you he still has feelings for?"

That was the question, wasn't it. "I-I don't know," I spoke softly, desperately trying not to think about the night we slept together. "Just like I don't know if I still have feelings for him."

I could have sworn I saw a flicker of anger in her yes. "Exactly," she said coolly, her fists clenching. "This isn't about me, Riley. None of this is. The story belongs to you and Sirius. It's not over yet."

My heart filled with overwhelming anxiety. "Maybe it is," I whispered, my bottom lip trembling.

"What?"

I glanced up at her, everything inside of me growing wary. "Maybe…maybe I'm not the one he wants," I spoke, a lump slowly forming in my throat.

She frowned, her spine stiffening. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't form. She just sat there staring at me with vulnerable eyes and a nervous expression. I knew in that moment that as much as she didn't want to admit it, a part of her wanted him, too.

Eventually, she said the one thing I somehow knew she would. "But maybe you are."

Yes, maybe I was. And maybe we were meant to me. Maybe I still loved him and maybe he still loved me. Or maybe our love was in the past. Maybe we were both ready to move on. Maybe I was destined to be with Rhett and maybe Sirius had feelings for Keegan. Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe we were meant to be with other people. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But where was the definitely?

As I glanced up at Keegan, a girl who so clearly had feelings for the guy I had once been incredibly in love with, I was shocked to realize that the answer was standing right in front of me. I suddenly I had my answer. I knew what I wanted. What I needed. I finally had all of my questions and what-ifs answered. For so long, I had been playing back and forth games with Sirius because neither one of us were willing to face what was truly in our hearts. But I no longer needed to hide from it. I knew what my heart was saying.

Who the hell knew that all I needed was another girl in the picture for me to realize who I wanted to be with?

"I, uh…I'll see you later, Keegan," I found myself blurting out, heading towards the door.

She blinked, her expression fading into confusion. "What? That's it?"

I shrugged, glancing over my shoulder at her. "Was there something else you wanted?"

"No, but I didn't think we finished this conversation!"

As I met her frantic gaze, I hesitated before saying, "Maybe you haven't. And you know why? Because in all this time, you've actively denied the fact that Sirius might have feelings for you. But I never once heard you say that you didn't have feelings for him."

I walked out of her office, leaving her speechless.

---

++KEEGAN++

I couldn't get Riley's words out of my head for the rest of the day no matter how hard I tried. I had at first completely dismissed her word as the notion that Sirius Black could have feelings for anyone other than Riley was nothing but laughable.

But I didn't laugh for long. Because I realized that in the end, it didn't entirely matter what Sirius felt. It mattered what I felt.

The only problem with that was I didn't even know where to start.

---

++SIRIUS++

Moment of truth. It took me a long time to get to that point. To get me outside her door, admitting what my heart was saying. But there I stood finally strong enough to listen.

As I knocked, I was very aware that I hadn't a damned clue what to say. I had nothing prepared. My thoughts had been jumbled for so long now and even though in that moment I had all the clarity I needed, I wasn't sure how to make it make sense.

All I knew is that she and I weren't meant to be together. Whatever feelings I thought I may have had at one point or another were gone. It had been me desperate to hold on to someone who I had grown close to in body and in mind. But she and I weren't meant to be together. We were meant to be friends. We were meant to care about each other. But my heart belonged to someone else. And frankly, so did hers.

"Sirius?" she said, looking mildly surprised as she answered the door. "What are you doing here?"

I felt my heart ache with guilt and confusion as I glanced up at her, hesitation flickering in my eyes. I didn't know what to say. What to do. It had all been so clear as I made my way over to her apartment, but as I stared at her now, suddenly everything that made so much sense felt muddled.

"Sirius?" she asked again.

As I forced myself to look away, it suddenly hit me that I really did love her. But I wasn't in love with her. I was in love with someone else. "I'm…I'm sorry," I blurted out.

A flash of confusion appeared in her eyes before it faded into understanding. She said nothing at first and I watched the jumble of emotions seep into her expression – hesitation, defeat, guilt, sorrow, and ultimately relief.

I waited for her to either shut the door in my face, not wanting to bother having this conversation, or to open the door and let me in. In my heart, I couldn't be entirely sure which I preferred her to do. So I said nothing, I felt nothing, I thought nothing. I just waited.

And before long, she stepped to the side, gesturing me into her apartment.

---

A/N: Yes, I'm officially a horrible person. The plan was to have the rest of this scene in this actual chapter but it was getting far too long! Soooo I broke it up. Decisions have been made but unfortunately you'll have to wait just 1 more chapter to find out whose door Sirius is at! ::Ducks as tomatoes get thrown at her:: And don't worry, we have a LOT of Lily-James to look forward to also!