A/N: Well here we are. The chapter where all is revealed within Sirius' heart. It seems that all of you are torn between who you want Sirius to end up with. Ironically, my head went back and forth about who it should be as well! I had 2 scenarios in my head and I wrote them both. One came easily. The other didn't. And that is how I got my answer as to whose door Sirius is at. So nothing more to say here. Let's face it - most of you have ignored this and read on anyway!

Disclaimer: Unless J.K. Rowling stands for Just Kidding Rowling doesn't own this, ByeByeBirdie does, you know the drill. (ps, I'm pretty sure that's not what it stands for).

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 44: Of Luck, Fairytales, & Fortune Cookies

++JAMES++

"Where the hell is Padfoot?" Remus muttered that night, popping a few pretzels into his mouth as Drew dealt the cards. "Wasn't he the one who insisted on Guys' Poker Night?"

I merely shrugged. I wasn't entirely sure where Sirius and I stood. One minute, we were best friends and the next, he was yelling at me for being an idiot with Lily. I found that the less time I spent with him, the less I felt guilty. I knew it wasn't healthy and he would always be my best friend, but I couldn't stand the judgmental look in the back of his eyes every time the two of us were around one another. I couldn't help but wonder if he was judging me because he was easier than judging himself. I was worried about him, not that I would ever admit that to him or to anyone. I knew he was feeling lost and confused and hell, if anyone understood those sentiments it was me. But truth be told, I hadn't a bloody clue what was truly running through his mind. He had always been a closed book. Every so often, he would hint at his insecurities and fears and vulnerabilities but just as soon as he would hint at it, it would be replaced with a fake smile and fake joy. It was his attempt at keeping strong, though I knew deep down that his heart was constantly breaking with all of the pain he had had to deal with.

But for once, I was going to take a page out of Sirius' playbook and act as if everything was okay. Just for one night. One night where I didn't want to think about Lily. One night where I didn't want to worry about the future. One night where I didn't want to think about Sirius' problems. One night where I just wanted to be a normal twenty-one-year-old where my life wasn't dictated by the war. So I sat back with my beer in my hand enjoying conversations that didn't surround Lily or Riley or even Keegan. We all chatted about work and the upcoming Quidditch World Cup. We discussed Shannon's impending due date and Kay and Lance's wedding. We drank and we laughed and we were reminded of times before the war struck every inch of our souls.

"It is unusual for Sirius to not show up where alcohol is involved," Lance pointed out curiously, grinning as he tossed his two pairs on to the table.

"Dammit! I'm pretty sure Lance is cheating," I whined, throwing my cards down as Lance reached into the pot and grabbed his winnings of the round.

"Nah, just lucky," he said with a grin.

"Speaking of lucky, how are we going to grill Sirius about sleeping with Keegan without him here?" Peter interjected with a smirk.

"Isn't that old news?" Drew said, his brow furrowing.

"You would think," I teased, grabbing the cards and shuffling them together. "Except he slept with her the other night."

"Seriously?" both Gilmores cried.

"I know, right?"

"I was still under the impression they hated each other," Frank snorted.

We all laughed as I dealt the cards. "Does Fabian know?" Lance asked curiously, glancing over at myself in particular.

"About Monday night?" I snickered.

Lance shot me a look.

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "He knows."

Glancing at the cards in my hand, I already knew I was not going to win this round.

"And what does he think?" Lance continued, glancing down at his own cards.

I exchanged a look with both Remus and Peter, who merely shrugged. "Uh…not sure. But as I hadn't heard of any fallout between him and Sirius, and considering how many people Sirius is on the outs with, I have to think he's at peace with it."

Lance shrugged, clearly not convinced.

"So what the hell is going on with those two?" Drew asked as he asked for two cards.

I handed the top two off the deck to him. "Sirius and Fabian?"

Drew rolled his eyes. "Sirius and Keegan."

"Oh," I said, trading three cards with Peter. "Yeah, I haven't a damned clue."

"I'm pretty sure Sirius doesn't have a damned clue," Remus snorted, passing me two cards. I handed him two more.

I could sense the bitterness from across the table.

"Well, what about you Remus?" Lance said cheekily. "I haven't heard anything since your tryst with Sydny."

Remus' cheeks turned scarlet as the rest of us turned to him with curious eyes. "Er…let's talk about James and Melinda, hm?"

All heads swiveled in my direction as I glared at Remus. "I thought we were done with that," I scowled.

"Eh, we're guys," he teased. "We harp on our sexual escapades. It's what we do."

"Says the guy refusing to give us the details about Sydny," Peter reminded.

Remus hesitated. "Then again, what Prongs does with Melinda is his business. Pony up, boys!"

We all burst into laughter as we tossed our bets into the pot. "Where do Sirius and Riley stand with each other?" Lance asked curiously.

Well, there goes a night without talking about the two of them. I glanced over at Remus, who shook his head at me. I sighed, glancing back towards Lance. "Er…we were hoping you could tell us."

Lance rolled his eyes. "No, you out of anyone should know she keeps everything bottled up. I haven't a clue what she's thinking or feeling. And I guarantee I'll never know. She's pretty much a closed book. Then again, so is Sirius."

I swore as Remus won the round. Remus didn't seem as enthused as he should have as he gathered his winnings. Glancing over at him, I saw a look of awe on his face. "Hm," he mused curiously. "I bet that's where he is tonight."

My eyebrow shot up. "Where?"

He frowned, stacking his chips as he met my gaze. "I think he's made his decision. He's talking to one of them."

"You think?"

Remus shrugged. "After what happened to Keegan and Lily yesterday, yeah I do think so. While James is a stubborn arse who can't get his act together-"

"Hey!"

"-I think Sirius has the capability of figuring things out and going after what he wants."

"Again, I say 'hey!'"

"Well, what does he want?" Drew asked curiously.

"That is a question I don't know the answer to," he murmured.

"Well, can I ask another obvious question?" Lance chimed in hesitantly as he shuffled the cards in his hand. "What about what Riley wants? Or Keegan? Don't they matter in Sirius' decision?"

"They shouldn't," I argued with a sigh. "Even if what either of them want doesn't match what Sirius wants, he shouldn't just go after the obvious choice. He should go after the girl he wants even if it doesn't end up in his favor."

"Does he even really want Keegan?" Peter asked, watching as Shane dealt the cards out. "She just seems to be a convenience to him more than anything else. It's not like he has feelings for her."

We all grew silent as we tossed in our bets. "Except I think he does have feelings for her," Remus muttered, glancing at his cards with a stoic expression. "He just refuses to admit it."

"Merlin of all hells, that kid is just maddening, don't you think?" Lance groaned. "Pick a girl already!"

We couldn't help but laugh. I contemplated the overzealous remark, wondering exactly what is was that Sirius was having a tough time with. Was it love in general? Picking the right girl? Risking the possibility of getting hurt? I wish I knew. I hated that I didn't know because for so long, I had always known what he was thinking. I let out a sigh, not even caring about the cards in my hand even though I had been lucky to receive a two-pair right off the bat. I glanced up, looking around at my friends. "If it was that easy, he would have done it weeks ago," I snorted. "But I think we know all too well that falling in love is never easy."

No one responded, but I hadn't expected them too. Because while there were plenty of things none of us would ever begin to understand, the complications of falling in love was something we could all relate to.

++SIRIUS++

Riley. She was the only girl I ever thought I could love. The only girl I ever wanted to love. She consumed both my mind and heart from the moment I met her. She had been everything to me and I hadn't even really recognized that until the day she left. She had always been the one for me.

I never thought I'd be standing in front of her telling her she was no longer the one for me.

++RILEY++

The moment Sirius said "I'm sorry" I knew exactly why he was there. The timing was rather impressive considering I had only realized earlier that day that what Sirius and I had was in the past. Hell, it wasn't even really a decision. More like an intuition. The real irony in all of this was that it was Keegan who made both myself and Sirius realize that he and I weren't meant to be together. When I had looked at Keegan, I hadn't been filled with jealousy at the thought of her and Sirius being together. I had been filled with relief and gratitude. He was going to be okay. And so was I.

I couldn't be sure if I'd ever be able to completely remove the guilt or confusion over what I had done to him. It was an atrocious thing to do, leaving in the middle of the night without an explanation or a good-bye to the people I cared about and especially to the guy I loved. I had been selfish and let my fears get the better of me instead of find the courage within my heart to figure out what the right thing for me truly was. I had been a complete coward and all I wanted was to feel as if one day I could forgive myself for hurting my friends and my family, even if they never forgave me. So I knew that that day wouldn't be today. But it was a step in the right direction. I knew that Sirius wasn't standing in front of me today to forgive me. He was there to say good-bye. And I was ready to finally say it back.

"I-I don't know where to start," he admitted as he took a hesitant seat on the couch.

I met his gaze and shook my head. "Nor do I," I muttered, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch.

He said nothing and neither did I, both of us trying to figure out how to say good-bye to each other. It wasn't going to be easy. Saying good-bye never was. But four years ago, I left without saying it. And four years later, he deserved to hear those words from me.

I thought back to my earlier conversation with Keegan, where everything had suddenly become so clear to me. When I realized that I had already made my decision. I just hadn't realized it until then.

"Victor Hans."

I cringed when I realized I had just blurted that out. He glanced up at me in confusion. "Er…have you been taking crazy pills or something because last I checked, my name was Sirius Black."

My heart skipped a beat as I glanced up, forcing myself to look him in the eyes. "You knew," I whispered

It was his turn to frown. "I knew what?"

Contemplation settled into my expression as I said, "You knew about Victor and Keegan."

The confusion in his expression quickly gave way to realization. "Yeah," he muttered, "I knew."

Another round of unsettled silence fell between us, where I couldn't help but reflect on the relationship I had once shared with Sirius. He truly had meant a lot to me. I know it doesn't show by the way I hurt him, but he was one of the few people I had let my guard down around and I appreciated him for making me feel safe in doing so. I opened my heart to someone who had broken it once, but I didn't regret it. I never did. Because while Sirius had found ways of hurting me, he also found ways of healing me. I truly had loved him. And now it was time to let him go.

"Ask me why I did it," I whispered, staring up at Sirius with an expression of raw desperation, no longer caring to put on a brave face around him.

He frowned. He opened his mouth, clearly to ask me what I was talking about, but eventually shut it as he met my gaze. He didn't have to ask. He knew exactly what I was referring to.

We both needed him to ask me why I left the way I did. We wouldn't be able to let each other go without it. And for the first time in four years, we both knew it was time to let each other go.

Just one question stood in our way.

++SIRIUS++

Why did she do it?

That question had been lingering in my mind for four years. Four years of wondering. Waiting. Contemplating. And now the time has come to ask it out loud. It was the reason I had knocked on her door. But it didn't make it easy saying good-bye to four years of my life.

Neither of us spoke which didn't surprise me. I was waiting for her to just come out and explain why she left the way she did and I knew she was waiting for me to ask her why she did it. So instead, we sat in silence as we wondered what this would mean for us. Once it was all out in the open, what would be left for us? Forgiveness? Understanding? Acceptance? Because I wasn't so sure I could ever truly give her those things.

But as I sat there finding much interest in the coffee table in front of me, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe it wasn't about forgiving or understanding or finding acceptance for her. Maybe it was about forgiving and understanding and accepting myself. Maybe it had never really been about her in the first place. Maybe the reason I was there wasn't to say good-bye to her but to say good-bye to us.

Maybe I was just really tired of using the word maybe.

I sighed. If that really was the case, then there was really only one thing left for me to do.

And so I finally caved. After months, years of the same question running over and over in my head, it was time I finally got the answer I had been so afraid of searching for. For so long it was easy hiding from the truth. It was easy pretending as if the answer didn't matter. As if I wasn't stuck in the past and would be until I gained the closure I had never been sure I wanted. But whether or not I wanted it, I needed it.

I turned to her and asked, "Why did you do it, Riley?"

Slowly, her eyes met mine and I saw years of heartbreaking guilt staring back at me. I knew in that moment that she had been holding on to the past four years just like I had. That was supposed to be make me feel better but it didn't. Because I would never wish the agonizing pain I had been living with for four years on anyone else. Not even Riley who I had thought had deserved it for so long.

She took a deep breath in and finally after four years of waiting for an answer, she started to explain. "I heard you and James outside on the back patio that night," she spoke softly. She didn't have to tell me what night she was referring to. "You were going to ask me to stay."

I froze, remembering the night vividly. I had been so convinced that letting Riley go was the only option for the two of us. I didn't want to be the one who let her give up her dreams. But the night before Riley left, James and I had a conversation that had reluctantly changed my mind.

"Right now, she needs to know what you're really thinking. So maybe it's about time you tell her," James had said.

"You really want to know what I think?" Sirius snorted, shaking his head incredulously. "I think that no matter how important this opportunity is for her, she should stay in England. I think that if I let her go I'll lose her forever. I think that she should reject the offer and come to New York with me. I think that if we're ever going to have a shot of being in a successful relationship we should just take the risk now!" he cried out. Silence and then – "I think that the girl that I am head over heels in love with should realize on her own that she should stay so that I don't have to make the damn decision for her."

"Did you ever think that maybe she already knows that she should stay?" he said softly. "That maybe she's just waiting for you to realize it?"

An awkward silence surrounded them as Sirius wondered if maybe it wasn't his determination to do the right thing for Riley that was giving him such doubt but if it was his own fear that was making him so hesitant. "You really think I should ask her to stay?"

James nodded immediately, glancing over at his best friend. "I know that it's probably a selfish move, but…but how can you let the girl you love slip away?" he murmured. "The last time you thought you two were over, you stood up in front of the entire student body and confessed your love to her, knowing you had nothing left to lose. Well, what about now? What…what could you possibly lose by asking her stay?"

"You heard us?" I choked out, glancing desperately at Riley.

She forced out a nod.

I could feel a chill run down my spine but I knew it wasn't because I was cold. "And…and what? You couldn't bear the idea of staying?" I muttered, trying and failing to mask the hurt in my voice.

"No, I would have stayed," she responded immediately, finding a sudden interest in her fingernails, chipping off the peeling nail polish. "And that's why I left when I did. Because if I had waited til morning and you had the opportunity to ask me to stay, I-I wouldn't have gone to Australia."

My heart nearly stopped at the subtle confession. "Would staying have been so terrible?" I dared to ask next.

"Not at all," she whispered, the tears tingling in her eyes. She blinked them away, turning to look at me. "I could have stayed and we could have been happy. We could have been together forever and I could have loved you for always. We could have had it all."

Every sentence was like a dagger to my heart. "Could have," I repeated in a hoarse murmur, "But not would have."

She slowly turned towards me, guilt residing in her eyes. "Sirius, I need you to know that I really did love you. It…it had taken me a long time to realize it, but a part of me had always been in love with you. This was never about love. It was about so much more."

"Clearly it wasn't about love because you left."

She cringed, turning away from me once again. "I did it because you deserved better than me, Sirius," she muttered. "You-"

"Looking back, I can see why you'd think that," I snorted.

She grimaced, slumping down on the couch with a sigh. She said nothing at first, glancing towards the window as she gathered her thoughts. "I loved you too much to one day resent you."

I blinked at the bluntness in her statement, glancing at her out of the corner of my eyes. "Excuse me?" It was all I could think of to say.

"I had dreamed about being a journalist since I was a kid," she muttered. "That dream stuck with me as I grew up. It was one of the few constants in my life. I had never dreamt about falling in love, Sirius. Ever. In fact, I had always believed it was just a fairytale. A tall tale. A fable. A sham. And yet at some point during our last year at Hogwarts, I fell in love with you and that fairytale became my reality. It struck me out of nowhere and…and I loved every minute of it. I wasn't expecting to, but I did. So I would have stayed with you, Sirius, if you had asked. And I would have been okay with it for a while. We would have sailed to America together and enjoyed just being with each other. For a while. But that fairytale would have come to an end. And what would have happened then?"

I frowned, finding her sentimentality slightly perturbing. "Who says our fairytale had to end?"

She drew her knees up to her chest with a sigh. "All stories have to end at some point, Sirius."

I inhaled a sharp intake of breath at the reality of those words. "Last I checked, fairytales typically end with happily ever after," I murmured.

She rested her chin against her knee with a curious sigh. "There's no such thing as happily ever after," she muttered, shaking her head.

Unsuppressed anger filled every crevice of my heart. "Yeah, because you stole it from us," I snapped unexpectedly.

Shock rested in her eyes as she turned to look at me. I refused to meet her eye, finding sudden interest in the chips of the wooden floor.

She said nothing and I was grateful for it. I had come here to finally face the truth, but that didn't make any of it easy. I wanted to be able to forgive her for the past, but talking about it was making the concept of forgiveness that much more impossible. I could get past it. I could move on. I could let go. But I wasn't so sure I'd ever be able to forgive. I wanted to. But wanting to didn't mean it was possible.

She was right about one thing, however. All stories have to end at some point. I guess this was that point for us.

"You deserve better than me," she murmured, meeting my gaze. "You deserved it then and you deserve it now. You deserved someone who believed in that fairytale, Sirius. You deserved someone who strove for happily ever after. You deserved someone who wasn't scared to stay. And you deserved someone who would have known staying was the right decision without a shadow of a doubt."

I couldn't help but realize that she had a point considering the outcome. "What you never seemed to understand was that who I deserved to be with should have been my decision, not yours."

She said nothing, the guilt flickering in her expression.

I sighed, running my fingers through the end of my hair. She wasn't being very forthcoming with her explanations. I had expected more. I always expected more with her. Sighing, I said, "Do you remember that day in the Great Hall? When I stood on that table and told the entire school I loved you?"

She peeked over at me, nodding. "Of course I do."

"Do you remember what I said?" I said, my eyebrow quirking upward.

She frowned. "You said a lot, Sirius," she reminded me.

I shrugged. "I said that I knew you were terrified of love. I said you may never say 'I love you' to anyone."

I could tell she was actively trying to avoid looking at me.

"I knew what I was getting into with you," I continued. "I knew that you didn't feel as if you were good enough for me. For anyone. I knew that I would have to prove to you how much I really did love you so that you wouldn't run away from me, from us, again. Clearly I didn't prove it enough."

"You did," she blurted out, shaking her head pleadingly. "I knew you loved me, Sirius. I knew you never would have said it if you didn't believe it. And I never would have said it to you if I didn't believe it. This wasn't about you, Sirius. This was about me. I was in love with you but that didn't mean that I was good at it."

"Clearly," I snorted once again.

She frowned. "Just like you said, I was so scared of being with you, Sirius. I was afraid of hurting you and I was afraid of getting hurt by you. I was afraid of the future. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of resenting you one day. I was just afraid. Afraid of everything! And you know why?"

I merely shrugged, not entirely sure I cared.

"Because I was never supposed to fall in love with you!" she cried out, her bottom lip trembling. "You were never supposed to be the one. I tried that with you once and you went off and slept with someone else. That was it. It was supposed to be it. That was supposed to be our story. It should have ended when we were fifteen years old. If it had, we wouldn't be here today."

My eyes narrowed. "Oh, so this is all my fault. Gotcha."

"No, that's not what I meant. I-"

"Maybe it should have ended there, Riley, but it didn't," I sighed, ignoring her. "Two years later, I confessed my feelings for you and two years later, you gave me a second chance. So don't go blaming me for any of this because you could have just shot me down at that time and you didn't. You gave me a second chance. Maybe I hadn't deserved it then. Maybe you should have walked away. Maybe I should have walked away. But we didn't! And we fell in love. Or maybe we had always been in love and we just found our way back to each other. I don't know when it happened or how it happened or even why it happened. I just know that it happened. Or at least I thought it had. Maybe I was the one who fell in love with you and you were just playing catch up the entire time."

"No," she argued, shaking her head. "You're right. I don't know when I fell in love with you, Sirius, but I did. And when I found out about the fellowship, the first thing that went through my mind was 'what about you and me?' And that scared the living shit out of me. That moment turned me into a coward. That one question turned me into someone I didn't know how to be. I…I needed you. But I had never needed anyone before. And I didn't want to start needing someone. I thrived upon being completely independent. But then you came along and had me wondering about our future. Not my future. Our future. I had wanted you to ask me to stay, but maybe a part of me was grateful that you told me to go. Because I could go be the person I always knew how to be."

"Yeah?" I muttered. "And who's that?"

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw her pull her knees into her body with a heavy sigh. "Someone who was better off alone."

I shot her a look. "Yet here you are engaged to be married."

She blinked, clearly not expecting that. "You really want to talk about him?"

I hesitated before shaking my head. This wasn't about him. I could have asked about him. I could have wanted to know why someone who was so afraid of loving me was engaged to Rhett now. Why she chose him. Why she never ran away from him. But I didn't. Because this wasn't about him. He was her future. We were here to discuss her past. "No, this isn't about him," I sighed as I shook my head. "Riley, I get why you felt you had to leave. What I don't get is why you did it the way you did."

She said nothing at first, but I could see the turmoil in her gaze. I didn't turn away from her, waiting to hear the answer to the inevitable question. She slowly turned to me, our eyes locking hesitantly. "You may hate me for saying this, but I loved you too much to look you in the eyes and break your heart."

I frowned, wondering how that was supposed to make me feel. I came up blank. I turned away from her, sighing. "But breaking my heart without looking me in the eye was okay?"

"I never said that," she murmured. "I never said any of this was okay. I just…I knew what a broken heart felt like. I didn't know how to see it on your face knowing I was the one causing it. I…I was a complete coward. I'm no idiot. I know very well that I took the easy way out. It's what I've always done. It's why I almost didn't give you a second chance. It's why I ran at the first sign of trouble. It's why I didn't tell you I loved you until the last second. And it's why I left in the middle of the night."

I narrowed my eyes in scrutiny. "It's why you waited ten months until you ran into me."

She blinked, glancing up at me with a slight nod. "Nothing has changed," she murmured.

"That's where you're wrong," I sighed, running my fingers through the end of my hair. "Everything has changed. The only thing that apparently hasn't is you."

Her lips pursed before nodding slowly, seemingly accepting that as some form of backward truth to the end of it all. "Maybe I'm the same person I was four years ago," she murmured. "But we aren't the same."

"I know," I urged, shrugging. "It's why yours was the door I knocked on tonight."

When I glanced over at her, I saw her staring back at me with a nostalgic look on her face. I can only imagine the same look was on my face.

"We had a good run, Sirius," she whispered. "We were good together. Really good. I'm never going to forget what you did for me."

I turned away from her with a sigh. "And what's that?"

She offered me a lopsided smile. "You're always going to be the guy who made me believe in love. I'm always going to have you to thank for that."

If that was supposed to make me feel better, it didn't.

I turned towards the ceiling, my head resting against the couch cushion. "Gee, glad I was good for something," I muttered, wondering if this was the point where I was supposed to get up and walk out.

I could hear her sigh opposite me.

"Y'know," I mused, shaking my head at the irony, "You made me believe in love again, too."

When I turned my gaze away from the ceiling, I saw her staring curiously at me. I shrugged coolly. "I had been pretty accustomed to people thinking I was worthless. To thinking love was a mere sham. A farce. All I had ever really known was antagonism and abandonment. And then you came along and made me think I could be worth something."

"You are worth some-"

"Don't say it," I snapped, glaring at her. "Just...just don't. You don't get to be the one to make me feel as if I'm worth anything. Not when you abandoned me just like the rest of them."

Her eyes grew with shock. Hell, even I was shocked that I said that aloud. Cringing, I turned away with a sigh. "I-I just meant that..." I trailed off, not entirely sure I knew what I meant.

"Oh, Sirius," she whispered, the devastation in her words quite evident. "You just meant that I gave up on you just like your family had."

My lips pursed as I actively avoided eye contact with her. "Maybe I was never meant to fall in love."

She hesitated before saying, "Would you take it back if you could?"

I shot her a look. "What?"

She shrugged. "If you could go back in time and do it all over, would you still let yourself fall in love with me?"

I frowned. Over the past four years, it had been a question I had actively suppressed in fear of what the answer might be. I let out a sigh, letting the question linger in my mind. "Honestly?" I muttered, my heart beginning to race. "I don't know."

Glancing over at her curiously, she seemed to accept that as a reasonable answer.

"What about you?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "If you could go back in time and do it all over, would you fall in love with me?"

My heart was beating out of my chest when our eyes met. Slowly, she nodded. "Yes," she whispered, nodding. "I would."

My brow furrowed at the response. What I was to make of it was unclear. As I glanced at her, I realized that wasn't the question I wanted an answer to. "Let me ask you something else," I spoke softly, swallowing the lump from my throat, "If you could go back in time and do it all over, would you still leave the way you did?"

Suddenly, a heavy silence filled the room and it felt as if minutes, hours even, went by without so much as a response. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I waited for the truth. I wasn't even entirely sure what answer I wanted to hear. If she said she wouldn't have changed any of it, at least I'd know the last four years weren't in vain. If she said she would have changed it, I could finally believe that her guilt was real.

"No," she finally spoke, breaking the uneven tension. "If I could go back and do it all over, I would have given you the good-bye back then that you deserved. I wouldn't have waited four years."

I merely nodded, slight relief filling my heart. I guess that was the answer I had been hoping for. "Okay," I whispered.

Her eyebrow shot up. "Okay?"

I shrugged. "Yeah," I said with a reassured sigh. "Okay."

Her gaze faltered as she said nothing. I was grateful for the silence, however. I had been waiting four years for some form of explanation but in that moment, all of it just sounded empty and hollow and not at all what I thought I had wanted to hear. None of it sounded right. It all sounded jumbled and bewildering. I had expected there to be a black and white obvious reason as to why she just walked out the door without so much as a good-bye or a an explanation but it was very clear to me that even she didn't know why she had done what she did. She made a decision in the heat of the moment that affected both me and her for four years and neither of us would ever truly know why.

I sighed, suddenly realizing why I had wanted to avoid this conversation. I hadn't gotten any of the answers I thought I had wanted. Or maybe they were the answers and they just hadn't ever been what I was looking for. We were just going round in circles about something that had happened four years ago. Four years ago. Why were we both so hung up on it still? I was tired of being hung up on it. If she wasn't going to give me the answers then maybe it was just time for me to stop asking the questions. So all there was really left for us was for me to just say "Okay" and let it be something of our past.

I let out another reluctant sigh as I turned to look at her. "Maybe things would have been different if you had said good-bye in the first place," I said coolly, shooting her a look before climbing off the couch and heading towards the door.

"I wanted to say it," she whispered desperately and I could hear the tears in her voice. "But you never would have let me go."

The vulnerability in her voice made me stop with my hand on the doorknob before I slowly turned around to look at her. I felt another chill run down my spine as I stared at the only girl I had ever loved. And the only girl who had ever ripped my heart out. I hated that that girl was one and the same. "I still haven't been able to let you go," I whispered.

As I used that time to look at her – really look at her, I was very much aware of how beautiful Riley still was even with the tears glistening against her cheeks. "I know," she eventually spoke, sniffling a she wiped the tears from her face. Once the tears were gone, she turned her head to face me. "It's why you're here, isn't it?"

I practically felt my heart stop as our eyes met with regretful desperation. I didn't respond as the reluctant nostalgia resonated between us. I wanted to tear my eyes off of her but it was impossible, the four years of tension-filled regret taking control of that moment. I felt my heart flop at the words I was about to speak. I blinked, finally breaking eye contact from her. "No," I spoke hesitantly. "I'm here because I'm ready to let you go."

There wasn't even a hint of panic or confusion in her eyes. There was no hesitance or vulnerability anymore. The remorse and the guilt had disappeared. All that as left was a content, liberated girl that I had never seen before. She smiled sadly up at me. "Sirius," she spoke, clearing her throat and I was afraid of what she could possibly have to say next.

"Yeah?"

She didn't speak immediately but the look in her eyes told me that whatever she was about to say next was everything she had been holding back for four years. She slowly climbed out of the couch and hesitantly walked over to me. I could practically see her heart beating out of her chest as she instinctively reached out for my hand. I let her take it as I struggled to not meet her gaze. I lost that struggle and I wanted to regret it. But I didn't.

"I know it won't change what I've done, but I am sorry," she whispered, her voice trembling with shame. "I'm so sorry for what I did. For leaving the way I had. For not saying good-bye. For telling you I loved you just to leave you. For being afraid of loving you and needing you. I'm sorry for not believing in us. I've been sorry every day since the day I left and I will be sorry until the day I die. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. But I had been so wrapped up in trying to not get hurt myself that I ended up doing the one thing I could never wish upon anyone. So I'm sorry. I hope you know how much I mean that."

As I felt her hand slip out of mine I realized that it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And it finally hit me. For the past four years, it hadn't been answers I was looking for from her. It had been an apology. And I finally got one. I had finally gotten everything I had ever wanted from her.

I had been holding on to the past for so long. A past that I had thought would be impossible to let go of but as I stared at Riley who slowly returned to the couch I discovered for the first time in four years that I truly did want to let go of it. Let go of all of it. I wasn't the same person I had been four years earlier and neither was she. Most importantly, I didn't want to be that person anymore.

I could feel my heart begin to race as this realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Most of the time I couldn't remember specific moments or seconds when things shifted in my life. I couldn't tell you when it was I decided I needed to defy my family. I couldn't tell you exactly what had happened that made me desperate to run away from home. I couldn't tell you the precise moment where the thought occurred to me that I could get back at Snape by sending him to the Whomping Willow. I couldn't tell you exactly when I had first fallen in love with Riley. I couldn't tell you when the moment came after she had disappeared that I realized Riley wasn't worth me throwing my life away for. It's hard to identify a second when something hits you in a way it never has before, but this moment with Riley was one of them.

All the anger and resentment and hurt I had felt towards her over the past four years slowly dissipated until I was just filled with hope for the future. A hope I had never once experienced before because I had been so burdened by the past. It's not like the pain hadn't been real or it just stopped mattering because that would be a lie. Riley still took four years of my life whether or not both of us would like to believe differently. But it wasn't worth hiding behind anymore. She cared for me still and me, her. That would never disappear completely. But what would disappear is the overwhelming heartbroken confusion we had both been so determined to hold on to. It was time to let go.

A slow sigh escaped my lips. It was that very sentiment I had been so very afraid of. Because if I wasn't holding on to my relationship with Riley, I wasn't entirely sure who I was. She had always been a part of my life – whether she was there physically by my side or encroaching upon my every thought. She had always been there. I wasn't entirely sure what I was expected to do now.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, I finally turned to look at her. My first love. She was the only girl I had ever truly felt comfortable letting my guard down around. I had shared everything with her. My feelings, my secrets, my hopes and desires. She probably knew me better than anyone. No, not probably. She did know me better than anyone because I had let her get to know the real me. The me that I wasn't always proud of but which didn't matter because Riley had always accepted who I was even if that included my flaws. She was the girl I had fantasized about since I even knew what a fantasy was. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when I fell in love with her but I did and she made me a better person because of it.

But the person that I was when I was with her was no longer.

"It's over, isn't it?" I croaked out, my words trembling against my tongue.

She met my gaze, the silence between us seemingly underwhelming for the first time since we reunited. She slowly nodded. "Yeah, Sirius," she spoke softly. "It's over."

++RILEY++

We had nothing left to say. We had both come to terms with the fact that what we had was over. It was in the past and there was no going back. And for the first time in four years, we were both okay with that.

I don't know how much time had passed before words were once again spoken between us but the sun had long set outside my window and the moon gleamed in the distance.

As we stood there, I felt a huge burden suddenly lifted off my shoulders as I realized that the future now held endless possibilities because I could finally stop living in the past. The future was no longer a narrow-minded road that would always lead me back to Sirius. No, it was a vast, open space of hope and courage. I knew that if I could see that that maybe Sirius could, too.

"Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"It's okay to be in love with someone else."

He blinked, turning to face me. "What?"

I smiled at him. "If you love her, don't let her slip away."

"I assure you I have no idea what-"

"Keegan Rouge."

He froze. "I-I don't love her."

"That didn't sound convincing."

He frowned. "I barely know her," he muttered.

I shrugged. "Don't be like me. Don't be afraid to go after what you want," I whispered.

"Riley-"

"Don't let her slip away," I repeated, climbing off the couch to head towards the kitchen.

"Riley," he urged, reaching out to grab my arm before I could dash off. "Is this what tonight was about for you? You needing to let the past be in the past as a way of granting us permission to move on to other people?"

I didn't dare look at him as I spoke. "Isn't that what tonight was about for you?"

He opened his mouth to argue but the words never came. And I knew in that moment that we had both done the right thing. I loved Rhett Davies even if I hadn't always showed it. And as much as Sirius would never admit it, he had done the unthinkable and fallen in love with someone else.

Someone that wasn't me.

I knew in that moment that this was our good-bye. Good-bye to the relationship we had both held on to for so long. Good-bye to the love we had shared no matter how short-lived it had been. Good-bye to the people we used to be. Good-bye to our past.

Our story had finally come to a close.

++LILY++

"We really need to buy new furniture," Keegan said as the two of us sat crosslegged of the floor in our empty living room.

I glanced up from my Chinese food. "No offense, but I'm not going to pitch in for new furniture when I'm leaving on Sunday."

The chopsticks in Keegan's hand stopped midway to her mouth. "Oh," she muttered. "Right."

I winced. "Sorry, didn't mean to bring this Chinese food party down."

She laughed. "Oh, this is a party, hm?"

"It could very well be the last time you and I ever eat Chinese food together. I figured that was reason enough to call it a party."

She shot me a look. "Don't make me flick soy sauce at you. It's not like you're dying, Lily. You're just moving."

"I know," I said with a lopsided smile. "I'm just really going to miss this."

"Then don't go," she whined with a pout, giving me her best puppy dog face.

My smile wavered. "Keegan..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You have to go, blah, blah blah."

I laughed, staring at the noodles in my hand as I thought back to the night Keegan moved in. "Do you remember when you first moved in here?" I blurted out.

Her eyebrow peaked. "Yeah. I tried keeping my distance and you refused to let me."

I shrugged. "You were a bit of a loner back then."

Her smile wavered as she looked at me. "You changed that."

"Yeah."

She looked like she was torn between smiling and frowning. I let her figure it out and was happy when a smile perched on her lips. "You changed me, Evans."

I shot her a look. "I did not."

"No, in a good way," she said, shaking her head. "I just mean, I have been a loner ever since Tristan died. I filled my loneliness with random relationships because it made me feel better at the time, but the moment they ended or the moment I knew it was time to bolt, I left. Moved away and attempted to start over. I figured the same would happen when I moved in here. But...I didn't bolt. I didn't move away. I didn't want to start over."

"With Fabian?"

She nodded, glancing up at me curiously. "Yeah. I-I was planning on moving away. I was mid-pack and then..."

"And then?"

She frowned. "I-I don't know. I...I thought it was the Potter exposé this whole time, but maybe..."

"Yeah?" I urged, my eyes widening with slight hope.

I could see the wheels turning in her head before she swiftly shook her head. "Nothing. Never mind."

I sighed. She was still in denial. "C'mon, Keegan," I sighed. "Can we please just talk about Sirius?"

She glared at me, stirring the noodles in her container vehemently. "No."

"Keegan."

"How about we talk about James?"

I paused. "What's there to talk about?"

"He's why you're leaving, Lily. He's why you're leaving in two days!"

I frowned. I was leaving in two days. TWO DAYS. So much of me was ready to go, yet there was such a huge part of me that wasn't ready to let go of everything and everyone still here in Britain. "I need this," I croaked, tossing my chopsticks into the food container and placing it on the floor. "Just like you need Sirius, I need to start anew."

"I don't need Sirius!" she scowled.

I laughed at the frantic tone in her voice. "Keegan, he was the one who interrupted your routine. He was the first person you talked to about Tristan. The first guy you talked to at all about your past. He means something to you."

She opened her mouth to contest but nothing came out. She, too, put her food down with a sigh. "Alright, the truth?"

I tried not to look too overjoyed. "Yes please."

She reached for a strand of hair, twirling it around in her finger as she took a sudden interest in the floorboards. "Maybe he does mean something to me."

My eyes bulged. "Did you really just admit-"

"But not the way everyone thinks," she sighed, not letting me finish. Grabbing a fortune cookie, I tore into the wrapping. Staring at it, I slowly glanced up. "I-I'm not in love with him or anything. I don't want to date him. I just...he gets it. Always has. I hated him from the beginning because he was just like Tristan. Or so I thought. Turns out, it's not Tristan he reminds me of. It's me."

Sipping my wine, I thought of my next words carefully. "Is...is that so bad?"

She sighed, breaking the fortune cookie in half. She stared at it in bewilderment before letting out a snort. "It's empty," she said, holding it up to me. "It's fucking empty. Story of my life, hm?"

"I don't follow."

She shook her head. "Nothing ever really goes my way," she muttered, tossing the bits of the cookie into her noodles.

"Maybe it's not supposed to," I suggested. "We can't plan every minute of every day. We don't know what the next day holds for us. We just need to embrace the unexpected."

"This coming from the girl who's running away."

I blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged. "Do you deny it?"

"Yes."

"Lily," she sighed.

I frowned, wondering if I should bother with a fortune cookie or just take my chance on my own fate. "Alright," she whispered, "I'm running away."

She smirked triumphantly.

"But I can't be here anymore. I can't do this. I can't wait around for the next attack to strike so that James appears at my hospital bedside again. That's not love, Keegan. That's not even heartbreak. It's just him feeling guilty. But I'm not going to stick around until he forgives himself for the shit he's pulled. Especially when I'm not anywhere near forgiving him myself."

"Do you even want to?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Do you even want to forgive him?" she asked curiously, sipping her beer.

I pondered the question, staring down at the white wine in my hand as I wondered what I really wanted. "I-I don't know if he deserves it."

She seemed to accept that as an answer. She raised her beer towards me. "Well, whatever happens to us in the future, I hope you know that I am so glad you forced me out of my loner habits."

"Yeah, imagine where you'd be without it," I teased.

"Well," she agreed with a suggestive smile. "I'd probably be in an apartment with furniture."

My future was hazy. Keegan's future was hazy. But in that moment, all we really needed was a laugh. So that's exactly what we did.

++JAMES++

We were still knee-deep in conversation about Sirius, when the subject himself finally popped into the game room. "Well, it's about damned time you showed up!" Frank said as Sirius strolled into the room.

He frowned, glancing around the room at everyone. "Er…sorry," he muttered, leaning up against the doorframe hesitantly. "I just had something to do."

My heart fluttered curiously as Remus' eyes narrowed beside me. We all grew quiet, our earlier conversation clearly weighing on all of our minds. It was Remus who finally spoke up. "Keegan or Riley?"

Sirius blinked. "What?"

"Whose place were you just at? Keegan's or Riley's?"

Sirius said nothing, a frown filling his jawline as he contemplated the question. With a swift glance towards the two Gilmore brothers, he sighed. "Riley's," he muttered before turning around and walking out.

Taking a quick glance in the direction of Lance and Drew, I could see the curiosity etched into their expressions. "Er…how about you guys take Sirius, and we'll take Riley?" Lance suggested, tossing his cards into the middle and saying his good-byes as he and his brother left the room.

I frowned, turning towards the other three. "Do you think he's fighting for her or letting her go?"

Frank, Remus, and Peter exchanged a curious glance. "If anyone should know the answer to that question, it's you," Remus pointed out.

My brow furrowed. "How the hell do you figure?"

"Because you are in the exact same boat as he is," Remus said, shooting me a look.

"What?" I sputtered. "I-I am not!"

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, James," he urged casually, climbing out of his chair. "You're so torn between just letting her go and finding a way to tell her that you love her. Only difference between you and Padfoot is that he's having a tough time with the decision because of Keegan. You're having a tough time because of Voldemort. But in the end, it's really just a question of what are you planning on listening to: your head or your heart."

"A damned good question if you ask me," I muttered irritably.

Remus shrugged. "I don't think so. Because we both know you're going to tell Lily the truth before she leaves. It's just a matter of when."

"Why are you so convinced of that?" I scowled.

He placed the stack deck of cards on to the table, his lips pursing pensively as he headed towards the exit. "Because you love her," he spoke mechanically. "And as much as you believe you'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to her, you also would never be able to live with yourself if you let her get away without her knowing the truth. Your love for her is always going to outweigh your need to protect her."

"In the end, aren't they one and the same?" I asked softly.

He glanced over at me and I could see him fighting the agony in his expression. "No," he murmured. "As much as we all could say we would be able to let go of those we love for selfless reasons, the need to protect them isn't selfless, James. It's a way of protecting our own hearts no matter how much we deny it."

"Remus-" but he was whirling around and walking out the door before I could get another word out.

I sighed. Something told me it wasn't just Lily he was talking about.

I jumped at the sound of Peter clearing his throat beside me.

"Er…so I guess the game is over?"

I frowned, staring down at the cards warily. I said nothing at first, running through the conversation with Remus in my mind as I let my thoughts rest on Lily. Her attacks. Our Anniversary gone wrong. Her and Shane. Her decision to move away. And ultimately, they fell upon the fact that she didn't know the truth behind what I did. For so long, I had been kept in the dark about so many things and when I found out, I had been livid with those keeping secrets from me. But then I turned around and did the exact same thing to Lily. She deserves better than the guy I've been to her. She deserved the truth.

"Yeah," I eventually spoke. "The game is over."

++REMUS++

"Hey."

Sirius glanced up at me. "Hi."

"I thought you could use a beer," I suggested, holding out the beer bottle to him.

He hesitated before grabbing it. "Yeah," I murmured. "I could use a beer."

As I sat down beside him on the bench and handed him a beer, I didn't bother asking how the conversation went with Riley. I could see on his face that he was conflicted with quite a bit of emotions and there would be no way he could even remotely try to explain how the conversation went. And in the end, it didn't matter. Because while I had wondered how the conversation had gone with Riley, I knew in my heart exactly how it all panned out. Considering Sirius was sitting there alone, it was obvious that it ended with Sirius finally letting go her and the past. He finally said good-bye when for so long he had questioned whether it was possible. And I commended him for it.

I wish I could do the same with Jillian. Unfortunately, I had no idea where to even start. Instead of trying to figure it out which is probably what I should have done with my time, I chose to sit in silence with my best friend drinking a beer.

Apparently that was something James wanted to do as well as he soon joined us, not saying a word. I handed him a beer from the six-pack and he sat down beside me, placing his feet up against the front railing. We didn't ask Sirius how it went with Riley and he didn't offer any explanation. I thought of Jillian and James remained mute on whatever was running through his mind. But as we sat there our gazes all staring longingly at the scenery in front of us, I was suddenly very struck with the realization that while once upon a time the three of us were very much one and the same, something had changed among us that night. Now we weren't even close to being the same. No, the people on that balcony represented three different periods of time.

You had Sirius who was finally recognizing that the future could behold a hopeful serenity he had never thought was even remotely possible before that evening.

You had James who was so ignorantly stuck in the present, conflicted between providing the truth to a girl who deserved it before she disappeared from his life forever.

And then you had me. I never would have admitted it before that moment but I was wholeheartedly still very much living my life with the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens from my unfortunate past.

"I have to talk to Jillian," I finally spoke sometime around midnight.

The two of them turned to look at me. Nothing was said for a few minutes but their eyes bore a hole through mine. Eventually, James sighed. "I have to talk to Lily."

Sirius' gaze slowly returned to the yard. He didn't say anything immediately but I could see the word forming on the tip of his tongue. I didn't take my eyes off of him and neither did James.

Sirius finished off his last beer chucking the beer bottle over the balcony rail. He slumped down on the bench, crossing his arms contently as he lifted his eyes towards the starry sky. He finally spoke.

"Riley and I are over."

I was trying to think of something profound and sympathetic to say but was suddenly caught off-guard by the smile that appeared on Sirius' face. It was a real smile. A smile I hadn't seen in a very long time emanating from Sirius Black. And suddenly I was jealous of him. Me, Remus Lupin, was jealous of Sirius Black. He looked happy. Free. Unrestricted. And I knew then that I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't put it off. I couldn't say I was going to do it and not follow through.

It was time I found Jillian.

++LANCE++

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know why Sirius had been at Riley's door. Either way, the outcome wasn't great. Sirius deserved better than my sister (not that I'd ever admit that to her) and frankly, so did Rhett. She was still stuck living in the past, as the eighteen-year-old girl who didn't know how to make a decision and stand by it. She was my sister, so I loved her, but I didn't always agree with her. This was definitely one of those times.

When Riley answered the door, she clearly looked confused. "What are you guys doing here so late?" she asked, glancing down at her watch. "It's almost eleven o'clock."

"Sirius was here," Drew blurted out.

Shock spread across her expression. "Damn, word spreads fast around here," she muttered with a sigh. "That still doesn't explain what you two are doing here."

"What the hell happened, Riley?" I sighed, shooting her a look.

Riley frowned before opening the door and letting us in.

As Drew and I took a seat on the couch, she ventured into the kitchen and came back with three beers. Handing them to us, she asked, "What do you want to know?

"What was he here for?" Drew asked hesitantly, taking a sip of his beer.

Riley perched on the lounge chair with a lopsided smile. "To say good-bye."

My lips pursed. "Really? Just like that?"

She shrugged, leaning back with a sigh. "I'm not sure anything will ever be 'just like that' with us, but yeah, we've said good-bye to who we used to be.""

"Only took you four years," I snorted, rolling my eyes.

Riley's brow furrowed. "Er…I know."

"Do you?"

"Lance," Drew warned.

"No, I'm actually wondering," I said with a cool shrug. "Wondering if you truly realize that this has been an ongoing thing for four years for apparently no reason because suddenly it's supposedly over."

"It is over," she responded immediately.

"It's been over for four years!"

"I wish it had been, Lance, but-"

"No, there is no but," I sighed, shaking my head. "You walked out on Sirius. On all of us. You don't get to come back and pretend like nothing has changed. Everything has changed. You moved to Australia and got engaged and Sirius buckled down and got a career that he's actually really good at. Time away from each other wasn't the answer to all of your problems. The answer was not being together. You two didn't fit. Ever. You pushed each other away constantly. How is that love, Riley? No, all it ever was, was lust."

Both Drew and Riley were gaping at me in shock, neither able to form any semblance of words.

I took a sip of my beer, sighing guiltily. "Sorry, I didn't mean for it all to come out like-"

"Yeah, you did," Riley argued, shaking her head. "How long have you been holding all of that in?"

I cringed. "I-I just think that you made your decision four years ago and were too afraid to admit it."

"Well, since you are apparently such an expert, why don't you tell me what I was so afraid of?"

I shrugged. "Forgiving yourself."

She blinked, clearly not expecting that. "What?"

"You feel guilty, as you should, for the way you left things. For not saying good-bye. For not providing any explanations. And you think that if you continue to feel guilty, all the crap you put everyone through is justifiable."

"I've never thought that," she argued, narrowing her eyes.

I sighed. "This is what you do, Riley. You run away. You push people away. You take the easy way out."

"None of this has been easy!" she argued, her bottom lip trembling with frustration. "Yes, I've made a lot of mistakes. I know that! Especially giving myself the ability to let Sirius go. I have been holding on to him for so many years, but-"

"No you haven't," I sighed, shaking my head. "You said good-bye the moment you walked out. You made that decision. This was never about him, it was always about you."

Both Drew and Riley looked confused. "So…you're saying that…" Drew trailed off, shrugging. "I haven't a clue what you're saying, bro."

I chuckled awkwardly, shrugging. "I'm just…I'm tired of these back and forth games. We all are. You claim you've let Sirius go, Riley, and you've said your good-byes and it's over between you two, but face it. It's been over for four years and you've just acted like it hasn't so you could go on pretending that you feel guilty."

She frowned. "I do feel guilty. And I deserve to feel that way."

My fists clenched. "You just think that's what you have to say," I muttered. "You don't actually mean it."

She glared at me. "I was a total bitch, Lance! I walked out on my friends and my brothers and my mother and father and grandmother all because of one boy. I-"

"No!" I snapped. "It wasn't because of one boy, it was because of you! It's always been about you! Don't you get that? You left on your terms and you came back on your terms. We're your brothers so we accepted the fact that you came back. But why? You had us lying to our respective others because that is what you wanted. But what about the rest of us? What about what we wanted? What about what Sirius wanted? None of us asked for any of this but you put us there! You put us in a horrible position! I almost lost my fiancée because of you and…and yet I let it happen. I still hung out with you. You always get what you want! And you walk around acting like you feel guilty about it, but if you did you wouldn't continue to do shitty things to us!"

My sister was stunned and I understood why. I wasn't one to overreact or get emotional, and yet my anger got the best of me. But it was about four years overdue.

She turned away from my glare, taking a sip of beer with a pensive look on her face. "Fine, Lance," she whispered. "I'm a selfish bitch. Is that what you want me to say?"

I frowned. "No, I just…I know it hasn't been easy for you, but none of this has been easy for the rest of us either. It would just be nice if you recognized that."

She glanced over at Drew. "Do you feel this way, too?"

"Er…"

She sighed, climbing off the couch and grabbing our empty beer bottles. "That's a yes," she muttered, heading back into the kitchen.

When she was out of earshot, Drew shot me a look. "Alright, you want to tell me what's gotten into you?"

I leaned back against the couch cushion with a sigh. "Sirius wasn't the only one she left behind," I muttered.

Drew's eyebrows shot up curiously. "She certainly makes it seem as he is, doesn't she," he murmured.

I glanced over at him and nodded.

"Did you ever think you'd get a lot further with her if you just said that instead of your roundabout rant?"

"It wasn't roundabout!"

"Uh, bro, even I had trouble following it."

I tried not to smile but the amused glint in my brother's eyes made me chuckle. "I guess maybe I did blow up a bit."

"Eh, it was probably long overdue."

That was very true. Without another word, I climbed off the couch and wandered into the kitchen after my sister. She was sitting at the round table, clearly deep in thought.

"Riley."

She jumped, glancing up at me. "I would have assumed you would have left by now."

"Sirius wasn't the only one you left behind four years ago," I spoke, ignoring her comment.

She blinked. "I-I know."

"Do you?"

She frowned. "I-I have made it all about Sirius, haven't I?"

I shrugged.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Lance. I know that this apology is about four years overdue, but I'm sorry if I ever made you feel as if you didn't matter to me. Or if I made you feel as if Sirius mattered more to me than you."

I shrugged again. "Can I ask you a question you may not want to deal with right now?"

She frowned. "What about Rhett?" she suggested.

I nodded.

"I-I have to tell him about sleeping with Sirius."

"Yeah."

"I-I don't know what he'll say or do."

"I know. But you owe it to him. And you owe it to yourself. If it really is over with Sirius, Rhett deserves to know why."

She sighed, sitting back in her chair. "I really am a selfish bitch, aren't I."

I hesitated. "Er…I'm going to go before you make me actually answer that question," I said, shooting her a suggestive grin before whirling around and heading out.

"You're lucky I love you, Lance Gilmore!"

I grinned. Most of the time she was a pain in my arse. But she was my sister and I loved her. Even when she was being a pain in my arse.

++SIRIUS++

I had no clue what I was doing there but I couldn't get Riley's words out of my head. Out of all the words we spoke to one another that night, I couldn't believe that I was focusing on such a short conversation based around Keegan but in a weird way, I also wasn't surprised. She had been there to confide in over the past few months and I trusted her wisdom and advice more than I ever thought would be possible. Maybe it was because she hadn't been there to see me fall apart when Riley left. Maybe it was because she had been through similar pain. Maybe it was just because she and I understood each other. Whatever it was, I had taken it all for granted at the time. I had been so absorbed with thoughts of Riley for so many years that I suddenly felt liberated. I had been so narrow-minded and trapped in a sea of unfortunate memories that I hadn't been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that light has come. And somehow it had led me to Keegan's apartment.

When she answered the door, she looked half-asleep which is when I realized that it was one o'clock in the morning. "Oh, shit," I greeted guiltily. "Did I wake you?"

She shot me a look, stifling a yawn. "What do you think?"

"I'm sorry," I cringed.

She shrugged. "What are you doing here?"

I blinked. "I-I'm not entirely sure," I admitted wholeheartedly.

Her eyebrow quirked. "You're not sure why you're at my door at one o'clock in the morning?"

I frowned hesitantly, trying to think of anything to say in that moment. I came up completely blank.

Keegan frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, uh…well, yeah," I stuttered, mentally kicking myself for being a bumbling idiot. "I mean, I think."

Her yes narrowed in confusion. "Alright, what's going on?"

That was a damned good question.

"Babe, who's at the door?"

I froze at the sight of a groggy Victor Hans coming up behind her. "Sirius, is it?" he drawled.

I nodded.

"Any particular reason you're standing at my girlfriend's door at one o'clock in the morning?"

Keegan shot him a look. "It's not some booty call if that's what you're worried about."

He smirked, shaking his head. "Nah, not at all."

I wanted to pummel this guy.

"Go back to bed," Keegan urged, nodding back towards her bedroom. "I'll be there in a minute."

Victor eyed me curiously, shrugging. "No, it's fine. I've got to head home anyway," he said, his eyes never leaving mine.

"What? Now?" she asked, confused.

"Yeah, I have some articles that could use editing before tomorrow's issue."

"You need to do some editing at one o'clock in the morning?" she asked skeptically.

Victor chuckled, shooting her a look. "Like you don't often pull all-nighters to make sure your articles are perfect."

She hesitated, a sly smile spreading across her face. "Alright, you caught me," she said with a light laugh, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I swear he just did this to spite me but he leaned down to kiss her before slipping past me and heading down the hallway.

"So you're really still with him even after what happened between us the other night?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

She glared at me, but the blush did not go unnoticed. "C'mon Sirius. What happened between us was a mistake, and I don't-"

"Was it?"

She was rendered speechless for a few seconds as she attempted to gain some form of composure. "What are you doing here, Sirius?"

I really wish I knew. All I knew was that Riley got into my head with what she said about me and Keegan and I had wanted to know how Keegan felt about it. Except I didn't really want to ask. "I-I really don't know."

She bit down on the inside of her lip and I wondered then if she did know why I was there but was choosing to ignore it. Just like I was apparently planning on ignoring it. "Well then maybe you should come back when you do know," she suggested with a sigh.

I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to explain. I wanted to inform her that Riley and I had 'the talk' and we were over. I wanted to let her know that I had finally gotten the closure I had never been sure I even wanted. I wanted to thank her for helping me realize what it is I had needed with Riley. I wanted to tell her that it meant a lot to me that she had always been by my side. I wanted to tell her that I cared about her just like I knew she cared about me. I wanted to tell her that I chose her over Riley. I wanted to tell her that I wanted to be with her.

But I didn't.

The last time I put my heart on the line for a girl I thought was worth it, she tore it to shreds. I had fallen in love once and it got me four years of stressful and overwhelming questions that provided me with nothing but anxiety and bitterness. And in those four years, I let my heart grow back to the stone it had once been. I stopped feeling anything to avoid feeling so hurt all the damned time. And I didn't know if I was ready to feel again.

So as I stared at a curious-looking Keegan, I couldn't find the courage to say all of the things that she deserved to hear. Which confused me. Because for months she had been the one I could confide in and now that Riley was out of the picture, I was finding it impossible to even attempt to open up to her. Maybe it was because I had known subconsciously during all that time that I wasn't available so it was alright to say whatever came to mind because it didn't mean anything. I knew I wouldn't be available to anyone until I got it all out in the open with Riley. And now that that was the case and I could be available to anyone I wanted to, I couldn't manage to even look the one girl I had thought I wanted to be available to in the eye. I had thought I had made my peace with Riley so I could entertain the idea of wanting to be with Keegan, but as I stood there in front of Keegan, nothing seemed as black and white as I had hoped it could be.

That was how I knew my heart truly was made of stone.

"Sorry to bother you so late at night. I'll get out of your hair," I said mechanically before turning around to head out.

"Sirius, wait," she cried out after me.

I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"What's going on? Are you alright?"

Another damned good question. "Of course," I lied, shrugging. A lie because while a weight was lifted off my shoulders in terms of saying my good-byes to Riley, it didn't seem to change anything. I was still the same guy before I let her go. And all this time I thought letting Riley and the past go was the key to controlling what I wanted for my future. Apparently not. "Good night, Keegan."

As I traipsed back into Potter Manor that night I was very much aware of what a complete coward I was.

++RILEY++

I hadn't been planning on going over to Rhett's apartment that night but everything inside of me was dragging me there. There was so much he deserved to know that I had been holding back. I didn't know how he was going to react but I knew I owed him the truth. Rhett and I had already been through a lot and I couldn't imagine lying to him anymore. I had let myself be clouded by Sirius and our relationship and I let my relationship with Rhett suffer because of it. And that wasn't fair to him.

I haven't always been fair to him, but he's always been fair to me. He backed off at Hogwarts when he felt I had unfinished business with Sirius. Then he let himself be my rebound after Sirius and I broke up, knowing full well I had feelings for Sirius, too. When I ran into him in Australia, I remember being genuinely happy to find a tie to Hogwarts again. A year had gone by since I left Hogwarts and I missed it every day. Rhett reminded me that I could still be happy if I gave myself the opportunity to. We became fast friends and slowly it turned into something more. I was still grieving for my friends and for Sirius and every time I thought of them, Rhett gave me a reason to think of something else. In a way, he was a distraction. But he was a distraction I needed. He gave me a reason to smile. He gave me a reason to believe in myself again. He gave me a reason to stop dwelling on my past mistakes. He gave me my life back. And because of that, I slowly started to fall in love with him.

And to thank him for giving me back my life, what did I do? I slept with someone else.

I knocked slightly before putting my key in the door and slipping into his apartment. I wasn't surprised to see him lying on the couch with a stackful of papers. I nearly burst into tears when he looked up at me, a huge smile spreading across his face. "Hey, beautiful," he greeted. "I didn't know you were coming over here."

"I-I didn't either," I spoke hollowly, slowly shutting the door behind me.

His brow furrowed. Maybe it was the panicked look on my face or maybe it was the strain in my voice, but I wasn't surprised by his next question. "Is everything alright?"

And that's when the tears started flowing.

"Riley?" he said, confused as he slowly climbed off the couch. "What's wrong?"

I turned my gaze away from him, attempting to catch my breath. "I slept with Sirius."

A/N: Alright, alright, alright, I KNOW I'm about to get pounded with a bunch of reviews telling me off for ending it between Sirius and Riley. Believe me, it was difficult for me, too! I had been rooting them for so long in both TotB and KotB, but as I wrote this story, it became very clear to me that they aren't the same people they were in Hogwarts. How could Sirius forgive Riley for disappearing the way she had? He may be able to move past it. He may be able to let it go. He may be able to finally accept it and even her. But he hasn't forgiven her. And loving her isn't going to change that. In a world where Sirius was already used to feeling alone and abandoned, she had been his reason to feel love again and then she stripped him of it. You don't come back from that. And as Lance pointed out, Riley hasn't forgiven herself yet. And being with Sirius isn't going to be the answer. So you may not think it's justified. You may think they belong together. You may think they spent all of TotB and KotB playing games and this should be their happy ending. But as Riley pointed out, happily ever after doesn't always exist.

So one relationship has been resolved. Sirius and Keegan? Well, that's to be determined... Now we just have James and Lily (oh, you just wait!) and Remus and Jillian (wasn't expecting that, were you?). Stay tuned!