"Go to Hogwarts, Harry. You're the only one we can trust with this. You have to fulfil your destiny."
Scowling with his arms crossed, Harry Potter tugged his baseball cap further down, using it to cover his face from any curious eyes peering in the window of his compartment.
"The time has come young Padawan," he said mockingly, "You must face Darth Vader before he returns to full power."
Rolling his eyes, Harry shuffled himself down lower on his seat, kicking his legs out and resting them on the seat opposite. "I don't see why it has to be me," he muttered darkly, "There's no need for me to go back to Hogwarts. I can just vanquish Moldyshort's ass and leave without anyone being the wiser, but no, it's imperative that I act in a manner suited to blending in among the Wizards."
"Just for future reference. You owe me!" Harry yelled, scowling up at the ceiling. "Don't you jingle me!" he blurted as an echoing tinkle echoed in his ears, sitting up to glare properly at the roof. "Condescending asshats," he added under his breath, "Yeah, you were supposed to hear that!" he snapped as he was jingled at again, the tinkling sounding both disappointed and indignant.
He didn't understand why he had to do this. Yeah he got that as the 'Chosen One' he was the only person who could defeat Voldemort, but he didn't understand why he had to go back to Hogwarts to do it. He was easily powerful enough to just pop over to the Dark Lord's lair and zap the evil bastard before anyone could react. There wasn't any point in him attending Hogwarts and pretending to be a Wizard when he could be in and out of the Wizarding world before anyone realised he was still alive.
But no. The all-knowing 'Jedi Council' wanted him to go to Hogwarts and pretend to be a Wizard again.
"Are you still moping? Do you need help scaring the wrackspurts away?"
"I'm not moping," Harry corrected petulantly, refusing to look at Luna as his Charge shut the compartment door behind her. "I'm brooding. I'm allowed to do that."
Luna just hummed noncommittally at him as she settled back down into her seat, as if Harry hadn't magically appeared in her compartment while she'd been in the bathroom (Which he had, by the way). "Do you think they'll serve pumpkin pie for dinner tonight?" Luna asked absently, sticking her nose back into her upside down copy of the Quibbler, "I think tonight's a pumpkin pie for dinner night."
Harry, who was still brooding (In a manly way of course), didn't answer her and instead scowled through the window at the passing landscape. "Oh stop pouting Harry, you'll attract even more wrackspurts and then you'll never be free of them," Luna scolded after a small pause.
"I'm not pouting," Harry denied instantly.
"Yes, you are," Luna argued.
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm-" Harry froze as he realised what Luna was trying to do, "-not getting into this with you again."
"Yes, you are," came Luna's absently reply, making Harry glance over and scowl as he realised that his blonde-haired companion wasn't actually paying him an attention.
"I hate you," he muttered, crossing his arms and turning to glare out the window again. (Sandra often accused him of being childish when he did this. He didn't see it though)
"I'll get Daddy to send us some jelly slugs," Luna countered simply.
Harry froze at the young blonde's words, his jaw clenching for a moment before he nodded stiffly. "I forgive you," he decided slowly, "It was a hard thing to do, but I forgive you."
"I'm sure you do," Luna agreed innocently, glancing up to beam at him, her eyes twinkling happily. "There's a nargle by your ear," she added, making him reach up to swat it away without hesitation, "You got it."
Grunting, Harry looked away from Luna and instead turned his attention on his trunk, wondering if he could be bothered climbing up to the luggage rack to get a book out. "Can I be your cousin from America?" he asked suddenly, "I could totally rock blond hair."
Silence answered him for a moment before Luna replied with "No Harry, you couldn't stone blond hair," at the same time as a loud jingle echoed through the compartment.
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking between Luna and the ceiling. "Harry Lovegood has a nice ring to it."
"Your skin's too dark for blond hair," Luna corrected as an annoyed jingle sounded, "And your defenses aren't strong enough to ward off the added wrackspurts that having blond hair would draw to you."
"Please?" he added weakly, staring up at the ceiling instead.
When another negative jingle rang in his ears, Harry sighed and sagged down in his seat. "I don't want to go back," he admitted bluntly, "The last time I was at Hogwarts they killed me."
"You look good for a dead person," came an amused response from the doorway, making Harry jump and flail wildly as he realised someone had opened the door without him noticing. "Luna. Did you sign up for ancient runes again this year?" Ginny Weasley asked the innocently smiling blonde, "Mum and Dad couldn't afford to get the supplementary text again."
Still staring at the surprisingly 'grown-up' Ginny in shock, Harry only absently watched as Luna pulled something from her pocket and unshrunk it. "Happy Hogwarts Day," Luna chirped, handing over the book that Harry was assuming was the supplementary text, "Daddy bought me two accidentally."
Luna didn't even need to be his Charge for Harry to know that she was lying. Nor apparently, did she need to be Ginny's Charge, because the look Ginny sent her was a mixture of unhappy, guilty, and grateful. "Well, the twins owe me one after I corrected their potions formula, so I'm going to get them to teach me some powerful anti-theft charms. Hopefully they'll be strong enough to dissuade the nargles from stealing your things again this year," the redhead explained slowly as she and Luna hugged.
"We'll see," Luna agreed simply, as Ginny shot Harry a curious look that had his fingers twitching to pull his cap down over his face further.
"We're almost at Hogwarts by the way, so you two might want to get changed," Ginny said in farewell, breezing out of the compartment with a final quick hug with Luna.
As Luna cast a locking spell on the compartment door, pulling the blind down so she could get changed in peace, Harry returned his attention to the scenery flashing past the window. "I don't know if I can do it," he confessed softly, not knowing what else to say as he listened to the sounds of Luna getting dressed.
"You'll be fine," Luna's muffled voice dismissed, "You've had time to adapt, you've had time to get over it. You're a new Harry Potter now"
"Am I?" Harry countered, "Seeing Ginny again was one thing, but what about Hermione? I don't know if I can see her again," he explained quietly, "And then there's Ron, I know there's no way I could see him and not want to hit him."
"I have faith in you. The Elders wouldn't have sent you if they didn't believe in you," Luna assured him, sitting down opposite him and drawing his attention to her. "And to be honest, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to hit Ron. I'd rather take on a clan of Scabber Demons than watch him eat, it makes me want to hit him too," she added with a shudder.
"Luna. Ron killed me," Harry ground out, "If I hit him, I don't think I can stop."
"I have faith in you," Luna repeated, "You've been my Whitelighter for two years, you've brought me back from the brink more times than I can count. If anyone has the ability to resist the pull of Evil, it's you Harry."
Harry stared at his best friend for a while, emerald green eyes clashing with shining silver owns, before sighing and offering her a guilty smile. "You'll still hold me back?" he asked hopefully, relaxing into his chair slightly.
"I'll hold you back before you even start," Luna promised gently before frowning, "The nargle's back."
Waving his hands in the air wildly, Harry felt his hand being set on fire, a serious case of pins and needles making him yelp and hold his hands against his chest. "Did I get it?" he asked hopefully, making a still frowning Luna nod slowly.
"Are you wearing your necklace?" Luna demanded suspiciously.
"Yes!" Harry confirmed as he rubbed his hand with a pout, reaching into his shirt and pulling out his bottle cap necklace to show her. "And I haven't been anywhere near mistletoe either," he continued when Luna opened her mouth.
"They must be attracted your mood somehow," Luna murmured curiously.
"That's four nargles today though!" he argued in something that was totally not a whine, "My mood isn't that bad!"
Luna's laughter echoed through the compartment, making him pout as she shook her head rapidly. "Harry," she gasped out, "I only have to think about you and you show up. But today you took two hours to show up at the Rook when I called you."
"I didn't hear you," Harry denied stubbornly.
"Harry," Luna pressed slowly, staring at him with piercing steel coloured eyes.
"Luna," Harry countered, raising an eyebrow at her innocently.
They started at each other silently, minutes flying by as Harry challenged Luna's unbeatable patience with his borderline ADHD. "Fine!" he caved, a flicker of a smirk flashing across Luna's face, "But I'm allowed to be in a bad mood! They're forcing me to go back to Hogwarts! I'm a Whitelighter! A Guardian Angel! I'm not supposed to be going to school! Especially not to the school that I was murdered at!" he exclaimed in frustration.
"And they didn't even ask me if I was okay with it either!" he continued, "They never asked if I was okay with going back to the place I died at. They just told me I was expected to fulfil my duty to the Greater Good and told me that they'd set everything up already! What if I'm not ready? What if I'm not okay with being forced to socialize with the person who left me to die?"
"Are you okay with being forced to socialize with the person who left you to die?" Luna interrupted, making Harry stare at her in shock as he tried to figure out whether she was being serious or not.
"Of course I'm fucking not!"
Luna sniffed and picked her copy of the Quibbler back up again, "You hurt my feelings," she declared, "And you cursed. Angels aren't supposed to curse."
"Sorry, I left my halo in my other robes," Harry drawled, biting his lip as he turned to scowl out the window once more. "I'm not going to be nice," he declared in warning, "If I'm going to be forced to do this, then I'm going to do it my way."
"Okay Harry," Luna agreed absently, part of him realising she wasn't listening, but still wanting to complete his dramatic moment.
"Hogwarts is never going to see this coming."
"Every Headmaster and Headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions must-"
Dolores Umbridge, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor cut off suddenly, a look of anger flashing across her face as she stood before the gathered students. Pulled back to reality by the ending of the boring speech, the students glanced around curiously, a soft buzz filling the air as they whispered to their neighbor in confusion.
"Our heads could do with filling, with some interesting stuff.
For now they're bare, and full of air, dead flies and bits of fluff."
As the singing grew louder, the entire Hall went silent, their eyes locked on the Great Hall doors as if waiting for the doors themselves to explain what was going on.
"So teach us things worth knowing, bring back what we've forgot."
Instead of explaining however, the doors were thrown open, a tall brightly dressed teenager walking into the room with a lazy stride. Almost instantly necks started straining, everyone trying to have a look at the singing trespasser, who hadn't seemed to notice them yet as he strode through the doors.
"Just do your best, we'll do the rest, and learn till our brains all-"
The teenager came to a sudden halt, blinking slowly as he looked around at the staring students. "Rot," he finished simply, "I'm sorry, I'm not interrupting am I?" the black-haired teen asked slowly as whispers exploded across the Hall. Reaching into the inside pocket of his bright blue hoody, he pulled out an antique looking pocket watch, squinting down at its face for a moment before nodding. "Huh, I'm late. Sorry 'bout that. I'll just grab a seat then."
Everyone watched in stupefied silence as Harry James Potter shoved his hands into his pockets and started strolling gracefully down the central aisle of the Great Hall. Humming loudly, he slid down onto the bench at the end of the Ravenclaw table, flashing the blonde girl beside him a cheeky grin before turning to focus patiently on the speechless Umbridge.
"My apologies, Dolores. Please continue," Harry requested simply, seemingly unaware of the anger, disbelief, and even fear that were spreading across the student body at the sight of him. "Don't let my resurrection distract everyone from your heartwarming speech Professor."
What happened next could only be described in one simple word.
Chaos.
Angel
Based off DZ2's Death is only the Beginning challenge.
Okay, so this is 100% crack. I won't bother to pretend otherwise. If I continued this it'd be full of sarcasm, Luna-isms, and pure uncensored crack (Humor crack, not drug crack or butt crack).
I don't own Harry Potter or Charmed.