30. Perfect Dreaming Skull

I was completely and totally in love.

The second that beautiful baby boy was placed into my arms, I would have been happy to never move again. I studied his smushy little face and let him wrap his tiny fingers around one of mine. I rocked him for just minutes before he fell asleep, and I stared into his perfect face for what felt like forever, knowing I'd kill for the little guy.

Eli Matthew Uley, seven pounds and eight ounces of absolute perfection.

Everyone else left. And yet I sat, still rocking. Emily was getting some much needed rest. Sam was probably not, but he was in their small bedroom keeping watch over his wife. I was kind of surprised he trusted me with his baby by myself for this long.

I snuck a silent picture on my phone and sent it to Seth, who returned a pic of him holding a very similar looking baby. She had on a little striped beanie with a bow on it.

I couldn't wait to see her in person, to hold her.

It wasn't much longer before Sam came for Eli. "Emily says he needs to nurse," he said as he picked up his son carefully.

"I should probably go. Let us know when you guys are ready for visitors again."

Seth got home just after I did. Part of me wished for a little more time alone than the car ride over had allowed, but fate hadn't played it that way.

He could tell I wasn't in the best mood and asked me what was wrong in a few different ways. I shrugged him off.

"Sorry we didn't get to finish our date," he said, fishing for an answer.

"Another time." I locked my eyes to him, resolve forming. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," he answered immediately. "Absolutely."

"Come with me," I said, wrapping my arms around him tight.

"Where?" he asked, but we were already there.

He peered over the edge of the random Brooklyn rooftop, his hair blowing back in the wind.

"Tonight was... difficult," I told him, sitting down in the gravel that covered the entire roof.

"Because of the baby?"

"Eli," I corrected. "And... sort of. I held him and I rocked him and I love him. It made me realize again what I'm missing, but it also made me realize that I'm nowhere near ready for that. Could you imagine if I hadn't...?" Miscarried. I couldn't even say the word. "I've got evil witches after me and you hunt vampires. How would we raise another human being?"

He sat down and cuddled to my side. "Things aren't always going to be like this. One day, we'll both be ready to try again."

I couldn't say aloud that I wasn't sure. I just let it hang there for awhile.

"Elizabeth," he finally breathed, moving my face so that I could see his. "Even if you decide you don't want to, it's okay. I could live the rest of my life with just you and still die a happy man."

I frowned. "That's not fair to you."

He sighed. "All I've ever wanted in life was to fall in love. Get married and have kids to love as well. And then one day I did fall in love, but I fell in love with this girl that blew my plans and my ideas and my whole world completely open. I'm not saying we don't have to procreate to make you feel better. I'm not saying it now and then changing my mind somewhere down the road. I'm saying it because... with you, I have no idea what's ever going to happen, but I do know that it will always be exciting. It will always be special. It will always be enough for me. You alone will always be enough."

I looked into his serene face, knowing that mine was covered in panic. "I hope you're right about that. I'm aging, one day we won't have that option anymore. And honestly... I find babies a little terrifying."

"Yeah, I hear they're nipple biters," he joked.

I laughed. "That's not what I mean! We both held newborns tonight... and I don't know how it was for you, but part of me was terrified the whole time. What if he, like, jerked and just fell out of my arms or something?!" When he was in my arms, it felt so safe... but thinking about it now felt terrifying. "There are like, twenty nine billion things that could maim or kill a baby within seconds and it's the scariest thing ever."

He chuckled, his side lightly bouncing against mine. "You not wanting them because our lives are chaotic is one thing. But don't ever think that we couldn't keep them safe. We're both supernatural... we're some of the safest people in the world for a baby to be around. Even when you don't factor in that you're a witch now... I could probably last at least a year on three hours of sleep a night and be totally fine. I'd never let anything happen to any of you."

I pictured him with a tiny baby in his strong arms, then a toddler on his hip, a child high on his shoulders. I was with a freaking full fledged superhero and was still worried about safety.

That train of thought led to another, and I was remembering the day I lost my daughter. Of the many, many bad days I'd lived through in my short life, this one was the worst. It was the only thing at this point that my mind worked to completely close itself off to. Even now, remembering it in vivid detail, it didn't hurt exactly - it carried a numb void of feeling, the pain of it too harsh to even register.

I had known. I woke up bleeding, too far along for it not to be worrisome. Seth was calm on the outside, freaking out on the inside. He wanted to be strong for me - he kept telling me that it was okay, but I knew. There were no more kicks coming from inside me.

I was in a daze as he drove me to the nearest clinic, but I registered the protesters standing outside, waving their signs and yelling at any woman who dared pass them. One of them looked me right in the eye as they yelled that I was a murderer, I was going to murder my baby. Thinking of it now, it just pissed me off really bad, but at the time... it almost felt like they were right. Like I had somehow brought this on myself.

I couldn't imagine going through that again.

I carefully stopped the reel of memories in my head, placing each and every one back into their place. They were important in a way; I never wanted to forget. But I knew it would be a long time before I really wanted to remember, either.

I lowered my head and snuggled into the warm side of my protector, the only man that had truly captured my elusive heart. He was supposed to be exactly what I wanted and needed, and he was. He kept me safe through the hardest times of my life, holding every jagged little shard of me together when I was splintering to pieces.

I needed him forever.

A fevered palm gently cupped my face, easing my head back so that he could lay his lips to mine. It still surprised me the way he made me feel physically; the heat of his skin matched the fire in me, his scent was like a drug to me. I was gripping him closer, my body arching to his, begging.

In one swift movement, we were on our feet and my arms were placed easily at my sides. His eyes were wide, wild, and I knew before he said it. "Vampire," he growled as a tremor rolled down his spine.

Why did this happen all the time? I thought they were supposed to be scarce. Now we couldn't hit a bigger city at all without coming across a bloodsucker.

I was struck with an intriguing thought. "Let's find it."

He looked at me like I'd grown a second head, then recognition lit his eyes and his mouth set into a hard line. "No."

"Baby," I whined.

"I'm aware of what you can do, Liz. I'm still not taking that kind of chance with you."

I closed my eyes and reached out with my senses. "I'm not sure you have a choice. It's heading straight towards us."

"Do. Not. Get. Involved." He bit each word out individually before slipping his clothes off and phasing.

We both knew I wouldn't listen.

There was a quick blur of white as the vampire landed about twenty feet from us, already crouched to attack. He was tall and lanky with red eyes that had a strange milky film over them. I could tell he was old just by looking at him.

He was surveying the situation quickly, his expression steady though he didn't relax his stance. "What are you?" he finally asked, and I wasn't sure if he was referring to me or to Seth in wolf mode. "Is he a pet of yours?" he asked me directly.

"Only when we're feeling really kinky." I could feel my heart sprinting, rapping against the inside of my chest. I was trying to remain calm, but my right hand was already lit. I closed my palm and ran the fingers of my other hand through Seth's soft fur to relax myself.

He was clearly perplexed. "No full moon tonight... Are you not frightened of the creature?"

"No. I'm not the one that should be frightened."

Seth practically roared, laying low to the ground as his lips pulled back over his muzzle.

"I'll kill your dog and drink your blood, girl," the vampire smiled menacingly.

I smiled in return and held up the fire that was lighting my right hand. "We'll see."

Seth sprang then. He was going straight at the creature when he suddenly jumped over him, grabbing a hand along the way. It disconnected from the arm with a grating shriek, like metal being ripped. The vampire was trying to get his bearings, trying to wrap his good arm around Seth, but my man was smooth. He was ducking and dodging until they were a blur to my poorer eyesight.

I watched the fight warily until the vamp flung Seth to the side and took a long, hungry look at me. Then I threw the fire ball directly at him, immediately lighting him up like a fucking Christmas tree. He didn't come towards me. He screamed in agony and ran through the space that was separating Seth from me.

I guess it forget that whole stop, drop, and roll thing.

Seth didn't phase back until it was laying in a smoldering heap, clearly dead. He watched the flames lapping at the remains for a moment before turning to look at me. "I want to be mad... " he said slowly. "But that was pretty amazing."

I hugged him before he could get his clothes back on. "You should start taking me on patrol with you."

He laughed and mussed my hair. "Don't push your luck, kid."

"Would it be totally fucked up and weird for us to have sex up here right now? Because, honestly... I'm feeling it."

It was early morning when I woke the first time. My hair clung to my skin uncomfortably because of the sweat Seth's body was making me produce. I repositioned us but kept myself tangled up in him - it was a good excuse for us to take a shower together when he woke up. I was studying this little sliver of dull light that was hitting his arm when I realized for the first time that Seth wasn't the only person in this bed that could protect the people that they loved.

I fell back to sleep smiling, content.

"I wish that I could climb inside
The twisted chemistry of your heart and mine
Loving me is killing you, but you'd rather die
Than live without me.
If I die by intoxication, I hope I overdose on you
We're swimming the skies together, getting lost within the blue," Melody read aloud from one of my many notebooks. "I love this song. I wish I could write like this." She restarted the track and read the lyrics along with it.

"It's not always easy..." I admitted, thinking over my writing process. Sometimes it was hard to write anything, and even more often than that, it was hard to write about anything that didn't have to do with Seth.

"All the stars in his eyes fell for the brilliant, endless night in hers," she quoted. "I'm noticing a pattern here," she commented, lips pursed.

I smirked in return. "What's that?" I just wanted to hear her say it.

"You write like Seth deserves better than you. Loving you is killing him? And saying he has stars in his eyes while you're a dark night."

I almost made a Batman joke. "Well... yeah. I mean, you're right. I write like that because it's real, though. I come from... well, you know exactly what I come from. I'm a hardened criminal," I joked. "He's basically a saint, and I'm..." I looked down at myself, fully aware of what anyone would assume just by looking at me. Words like "goth", "freak". "counter culture" were springing to mind. And that was the nicer stuff people would say.

She scoffed at me. "Who gives a fuck? You do you, you goddamn sexy giraffe."

I giggled for a moment. "I'm not saying I'm worried about how I come off to people or like I'm uncomfortable with myself. But it is what it is. I am who I am. And Seth is purely good."

"He does seem super nice," she lamented. "I can tell he loves you. The way he looks at you..."

"He's great."

"Yeah," she replied, suddenly distracted. "Thanks for letting me read these," she said. "Mark may have read a little, too."

"That's okay," I replied. "He already knows all about my fucked up inner workings."

"Yeah, he knows a bit about my inner workings as well," she said, winking cartoonishly.

I was a little surprised, even though I'd suspected it already. "You guys having fun together?"

"He's definitely fun," she said after a moments consideration. "Fun, but nothing more. I give it a few months, at best."

"What if he falls in love?"

"He can kiss my cute ass!" she laughed as I stood up and gave her a hug goodbye. "Have fun at Leah's."

"Will do," I answered. "I'll be back later."