A/N: Well, we are winding down to the end! There are about 5 chapters left - can't believe it's almost over!

Disclaimer: 51 chapters later, I'm till not JK Rowling!

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 51: Of Exposés, Goodbyes, & Memories

By ByeByeBirdie

++REMUS++

I was exhausted as I traipsed into Potter Manor at 3:00 in the morning. Melinda had actually kept the bar open for us, none of us wanting that night to end. It had been one of those rare occasions where nothing else seemed to matter but that moment. We drank, we laughed, we reminisced, and for the first time in a long time, we had fun. By the end of the night, most of us were dancing atop the bar singing off-key to "We are Family," much to Gabe's chagrin. But even he looked the other way and I could have sworn I saw a slight smile tugging at the end of his lips. No one could say we didn't provide entertainment.

Dragging myself to the stairwell, I stopped short when I saw a dim light shining underneath the library door. Frowning, I put my visions of sleep aside as I investigated. Creaking the library door open, I saw James curled up on the couch, some sort of portfolio of papers in his lap. He barely glanced up at me, his eyes gazing the document in front of me.

As I grew closer, I suddenly realized what was in his hands. "Is that what I think it is?" I blurted out.

He didn't respond immediately, his eyes skimming the page. Eventually, he glanced up at me and nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Apparently Keegan finished it."

I was impressed. She must have gone into overdrive since the damned excerpt appeared in the Daily Prophet. I knew a part of her felt guilty for the premature excerpt about the exposé, but I had a strong suspicion that her active desire to throw herself into her work had more to do with hiding from thoughts of a certain black-haired rebellious Marauder than it had to do with her guilt.

"When did life become so complicated, Moony?" James asked me, breaking me from my thoughts.

I hesitated, sitting on the end of the couch as I glanced over at my friend. "You're asking the werewolf that question?" I said with a teasing smile.

He didn't smile back, his head shaking slightly as his eyes grazed back down upon the page. There was a sort of wistful defeat in his sunken expression and I frowned, not sure what he was thinking or feeling. I had seen him perched outside Blarney's last night, just watching the rest of us say good-bye to the girl he thought he'd never be able to say good-bye to. I had wished more than anything that he would have barged through the door and beg Lily not to go, but that had been nothing but wishful thinking. He was so clearly still angry about what happened with Lily and Sirius and understandably so. He had every right to let Lily go. But if he didn't at least tell her all the things he had been holding back for so long, he'd one day regret it.

"Go after her," I pleaded.

He blinked, glancing up at me hesitantly. "What?"

I sighed. "Go after Lily, James. I know you want to."

He stared at me hesitantly before shaking his head. "She slept with Sirius," he muttered.

"You've made your own set of mistakes."

James frowned. "It's unforgivable," he murmured.

"What is?" I snorted. "What you did to her or what she did to you?"

He said nothing, but I wasn't surprised.

"Go after her."

He said nothing, his sad eyes falling back on the page in front of him nostalgically. "Too much has happened," he mumbled. "Maybe it's better that she goes. She's so adamant about needing this and maybe it's about time I give her what she needs. I've already taken so much from her. I can't do that to her anymore. She deserves better. She deserves someone who isn't me."

"But what about you?" I murmured.

"What about me?"

I frowned hesitantly. "James," I spoke softly, "I have watched you fall apart into someone I barely recognize over these past couple of months. All I want is for you to be happy. And I can't help but think that the only thing that has ever made you happy these past couple of years is Lily."

His brow furrowed curiously as I watched him let those words sink in. "Moony, no offense, but when are you going to stop trying to tell me what to do?"

I wasn't surprised by yet another deflection. I sighed, knowing that there wasn't much more I could say to James that I haven't already said. "I'm not telling you what to do," I murmured. "I'm telling you what you want to do. You're just too afraid to do so."

"Oh, okay. First I'm not happy, now I'm afraid?" he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "Pray tell, of what?"

I shrugged. "What we're all inevitably afraid of," I sighed. "Going after the girl just to find out she doesn't want you."

I saw him flinch and I knew immediately that that pretty much summed up all of his hesitance to stay put instead of bother trying to talk to her before she disappeared forever. I knew a good part of him was still upset and angry over what happened between Sirius and Lily. He had every right to feel that way. But I also knew a larger part of him blamed himself for what transpired that night and all he wanted was to somehow make it all right again. And the only way he would be able to do that is if he went after Lily before she left.

"But here's the thing, James," I continued when he said nothing. "You might just find out that she's just waiting for you to go after her."

I had to believe that they could find their way back to one another. If they couldn't, there wouldn't be any hope for the rest of us to find happiness.

I said nothing more and neither did James as he glanced back down towards the exposé once again with a curious expression on his face. I picked myself off the couch, heading towards the door.

"Moony?"

I turned around. "Yeah?"

"What if she's not?"

"What?"

"What if she's not waiting for me to go after her?"

It was a valid question. I wanted to say that she absolutely was waiting. She has been waiting since January. Even if she hadn't realized it yet. Instead I said, "Only one way to find out."

++JAMES++

"Only one way to find out."

Damn, did those words haunt me. Did I want to go after her? So much of me did, but there was another part of me that still had so much resentment built up inside of me for what happened between her and Sirius.

But I knew this wasn't about Sirius anymore. This was about me. I had made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime but the bullshit I've been putting myself and Lily through these past two months takes the cake. I had fallen apart at the seams and I hadn't even realized it until I was buried in a mountain of panic and hadn't a clue how to escape the paranoia circling my every move. I knew in my heart that it was best for Lily to leave. After everything we've been through, it was the only option for her. For us.

And yet, as I read Keegan's exposé, the paranoia oddly started to disappear and inside, I was filled with so much admiration and hope. How the hell was that even remotely possible when I was reading about death and conspiracies and war?

Because it was so evident that during all of those deaths and conspiracies and war, there was one person that had stood by my side through it all.

Lily.

It took me reading all 298 pages of the exposé to realize that I wasn't anywhere close to getting all the answers to the questions that had been swarming in my head in regards to Voldemort. I read about Wyatt joining the Dark Side to help out the cause. I relived Brite's death, when I was still so young and naïve about the way the world worked. I read about JT's kidnapping and the horrible murder it ended in. I soaked in my father's abandonment as a way to protect his family. I read about Potter Manor and the longstanding history behind the mansion. I read about my courtship with Lily and the scandalous friendship I had formed with Sirius. I relived my Hogwarts years and my rise to Head Boy. I read about my journey to becoming an Auror. I read about Grant traveling the world to forget his life in London just to find out he didn't want to forget. I relived Dezzy and Drew's wedding with a smile on my face. I read about the Executioner and the target the Potter family put on their backs the moment my father defeated him. I read about the shocking relationship Sydny had to the Executioner (more on that later). But what I got the most out of the 298 pages I read through the night was that Remus had been right: Lily Evans was prominent in nearly every page. During the confusion and turmoil and heartbreak, she had never wavered until I gave her any reason to do so.

"James Potter met Lily Evans aboard the Hogwarts Express as the two unsuspecting adolescents ventured towards their new school for the first time. You would think that every girl upon first meeting James Potter would immediately swoon and fall for his boyish good looks and charm. And perhaps if James had in fact charmed Lily at that time, she may have been one of those girls. But the only thing he charmed was a half-empty shampoo bottle into a jar of chocolate sauce that ended up spilling all over Lily Evans' clothes. Needless to say, she didn't become James' biggest fan after that. She didn't become his fan at all."

"A couple years of quick insults and cutthroat pranks and angry hexing in the hallways and the need to always challenge the other followed. And somewhere down the line, while Lily continued to seethe over James, James actually began to fall in love with the fiery redhead. Even more shocking, she eventually fell back. I could bore you with endless details, but the important thing to know is that an unlikely couple came together in the end. Unlikely not only because the two seemingly despised each other but because Lily Evans is a Muggleborn and James Potter belongs to a well-respected pureblooded Auror family. The two didn't often mix. Especially in a world filled with prejudice and hate. And yet these two particular people found a way to overcome the hardships. It just goes to show that the only thing that can prevail in a world soaked with tragedy and turmoil is unrequited love."

"You're probably wondering what relevance Lily Evans has to a story about the Potters. But what you'll begin to realize is that during the endless heartbreak that has stretched out across the Potter family, the one constant was always Lily supporting James until the very end. This isn't a story about how the wizarding world had come to fail James Potter. This is a story about how the wizarding world could never fail James Potter because it brought him Lily Evans."

I felt my eyes mist up at that last line, wondering why I was so blind to it. I had taken her for granted and in the end, I didn't just let her down, I let myself down, too. Things had once been so easy between us and I complicated it. I complicated us.

I continued to read just to ignore the thoughts swirling in mind, and was surprisingly touched by the words of my friends.

"'When you think Lily, you think James. When you think James, you think Lily. That's all there is to it,' Peter Pettigrew said about his two friends. 'They were meant to be together even if it took a while for them to realize it.'"

"'The boy was smitten with her as a hormonal eleven-year-old! We couldn't pull him away from her even if we tried,' Remus Lupin agreed. 'So eventually we stopped trying. And good thing we did because they ended up together and it's how it should have been from the very start.'"

"'James had loved Lily since the moment he laid eyes on her,' said Riley Gilmore. 'It took a lot longer for Lily to come around to the idea of being with James, but I think they both had needed the time to figure out exactly what it is they wanted. And the moment they both realized that what they wanted was each other, they became the couple everyone strove to be. That's how strong their love for each other was.'"

"'Lily lost her family at a very young age and had convinced herself she'd have to go through life alone. And then James Potter came along. She wanted to hate him but truthfully, I think she just envied the life he had. He was surrounded by people and she felt alone in the world,' Kay Richards spoke. 'As it turns out, he became the one person in her life that could make her feel like she didn't have to be alone. He became her family.'"

Those words hit me hard. I was her family in a world where she lacked one. And what did I do? I let her go and made her feel more alone than ever before.

I was a horrible person.

"'One thing you have to know about James is that he doesn't give up,' said Sirius Black, best friend to James Potter since Sirius had defied his own family's Dark Arts tendencies, '75 times he asked Lily out! And 74 times she rejected him. But that didn't matter to him. He knew that one day he could turn her no into a yes. All he needed was one and he got it. He had had his mind set on being with Lily Evans since the first day he met her. She may not have known it, but he had. She hexed him and he continued to pursue her. She screamed at him and he continued to taunt her. She pranked him and he considered that a challenge to one-up her. Nothing she did could stop him. And it's a good thing he didn't because those two are meant to be together. I might not always believe in love myself but it's often hard not to at least understand the value behind it when you're around those two.'"

I wanted to hate Sirius' words. I wanted to take all aspects of Sirius Black out of the exposé (because as much as Lily was a huge part of it, so, too, was he). But all I felt was the hard truth that he had always seemingly knew me and Lily better than I even did.

I really hated him for that.

"'He made the ultimate sacrifice by putting aside his own happiness to save her,' continued Remus. 'He let her go in the hopes that she would live a long, danger-free life. Now by me saying this I'm probably putting a target on both their backs but frankly, the world deserves to know the entire epic love story belonging to James Potter and Lily Evans. He would have died to save her. He let her go before it ever got to that but I know he would have put himself between her and Voldemort if the situation called for it. He would have done it then and he'd do it now. No matter what happens to the two of them, I know that their love for each other has the ability to conquer all. I hope that they, too, can believe it again one day. Before it's too late for them.'"

Remus' words struck a chord with me unlike anyone else's. The love I had for Lily was supposed to prevail over all other turmoil but I let the fear and paranoia inside of my run the course of my life and ultimately my relationship. But from what Remus was saying, none of that mattered because in the end, our love was enough to conquer not only ourselves but Voldemort, too, if we just let ourselves believe in us. And it was in that moment – the moment where the breath was suddenly knocked out of me and I could feel my heart quite literally break into two at the mere thought – that I realized it wasn't the fear or the paranoia that came between myself and Lily. It wasn't my active desire to protect her or myself. It wasn't Voldemort and it wasn't Dumbledore. It was the fact that I had believed in the tragedy of death more than I believed in my relationship. I believed that war was stronger than love.

But as I read through Keegan's exposé and I read my friends' words, it was so obvious that that wasn't even close to being true if I had just been willing to take a leap of faith. Yes, death would always hurt. Death would always break off a piece of my heart. Death would always emotionally destroy me. But love could make the pain bearable. Love could put my heart back together. Love could keep my emotions stable. Love could always heal me. Lily could always heal me.

If only I had let her.

In that moment, everything had become so clear. I had tried protecting her from harm because I had loved her, but the only thing I did was cause more pain. And it was time I started fighting for us instead of destroying us. I had been so convinced that she deserved better than me, but the truth was, all she really deserved was someone who was going to love her unconditionally in the strictest sense of the word. Maybe I had needed these past few months to truly appreciate the things that meant something to me, and it was suddenly so obvious to me that the one thing that mattered the most was Lily.

I glanced over at the grandfather clock in the corner and was startled to realize it was already 1:38 PM. I had read and finished the exposé through the night without bothering to stop for a break. My stomach growled as if on cue to make me realize I hadn't eaten anything since the night before.

Wait, 1:38 PM?

Lily was supposed to be leaving in twenty minutes and if reading the exposé told me anything, it was that there was no way in hell I could let her go.

I needed her and I just really hoped she still needed me, too.

++LILY++

"So, you ready to get going?"

I forced a smile on my face as I looked up at Nyger. "Yes," I said timidly, grabbing my trunk and heading towards the fireplace. I had to floo because I was crossing international boundaries. Traveling internationally in the wizarding world meant you had to obtain a floo license. "Thank you both for making my first job memorable. I couldn't have done it without either one of you."

I could see a slight blush appear on Nyger's cheeks. "Nah, you could always do anything you put your mind to."

I smiled and instinctively reached over to hug him. "Keep Shane in line, will ya?" I whispered loud enough for Shane to hear. "Otherwise, he might be coming after your job."

Shane let out a mock gasp of horror. "I would never do such a thing!"

"Y'hear that? That's a politician's lie," I teased.

Nyger roared with laughter. "What am I going to do without the two of you providing me with endless entertainment day in and day out?"

"Probably get some work done."

Shane shrugged. "Unless I take over his job."

The three of us shared a laugh and I realized how much I was going to miss the two of them. Nyger couldn't have been a better first boss and Shane was more than just a coworker. He had become a fast friend. I prayed I would find the same level of comfort in Philadelphia.

"Good-bye, Lily. Please keep in touch," Shane said, reaching out to embrace me.

While my thoughts were still very much consumed with thoughts of James, being in Shane's arms just reminded me of how much I had truly grown to care about him. I shouldn't have entered a relationship with him when I had but I couldn't help but wonder if one day it might work out between us.

"Good-bye, Lily," Nyger reiterated, nodding towards the floo powder.

While so much of me was ready to start my new life, a strong part of me was having trouble saying good-bye to my old one. As I stood outside the fireplaces with all of my possessions, it became real to me that the life I had grown so accustomed to was going to become just a mere memory as I started the next journey of my life. I was nervous and scared but mostly I was excited. I was excited to put the past few months behind me as a starting point to figure out who I really was if I wasn't James' girlfriend. I hated that that's all I had ever really seen myself as but somewhere in the past four years, I had stopped being a me and started being an us. I know I've said it before but he was my everything. Everything. But I wanted so desperately to believe that that didn't make me nothing now that he wasn't in my life. I needed to remember that I was somebody before James Potter and I could be somebody after him.

I felt tears slowly spring to my eyes but I blinked them away. Nyger was talking to me, giving me some last-minute advice but I felt worlds away. Shane was there, too, for moral support but it wasn't him I wanted there.

I wanted James.

I had to turn away and surreptitiously swipe underneath my eyes, refusing to cry in front of my boss and my friend. I hated that I still wanted James. I hated that I was leaving without saying a proper good-bye to him. I hated that I was leaving mad at him and him mad at me.

But what I hated more was the fact that he looked me in the eye and told me he loved me, when it was all just a lie.

So while my heart was conflicted, my head very much knew where the two of us stood.

As I grabbed a fistful of floo powder and turned around to face my two allies, I heard loud footsteps charging into atrium. As I looked up, a rush of emotions flooded through my every vein as I saw James round the corner.

"Lily," he spoke. It was barely above a whisper and even though he was at least 10 feet away, I heard it loud and clear.

But I hadn't a clue what to say or do back.

++JAMES++

I had never run so fast in my life. I'm pretty sure I left skid marks in my foyer as I hightailed it out of my Manor and apparated to the Ministry. Since the incident that occurred earlier in the Fall with Bellatrix and Rodolphus infiltrating the Ministry, the security has gotten a lot tighter. I couldn't just floo into the atrium. I had to scan my Ministry badge and they had to verify that I had reason to be there. I waited for five minutes, staring at my watch, as the automated system took their sweet time confirming that I was the real James Potter. I was ready to strangle the machine when it finally spit my badge back out and let me through. I now had about 4 minutes to catch Lily before the left.

I flooed into the atrium from the street and had to rush through the lobby and around the corner to reach the international fireplaces.

My heart soared when I saw she was still standing there.

"Lily," I whispered breathlessly, slowing my pace as a relieved smile filled my face. I tried catching my breath as I walked towards her, closing the large gap between us. Things were going to be okay. I would get my last chance to tell her all of the things I regretted. I would get the opportunity I never thought I'd want. Things were going to be okay.

I had only taken two steps towards her when I heard her say, "I'm sorry."

Before I could figure out what she meant by that, she threw the floo powder into the fireplace and said "American Ministry of Magic," her regretful eyes never leaving mine.

And suddenly she was gone.

I froze, staring at the empty space that two second earlier housed Lily. I blinked once. And then again before it finally hit me that she was gone. She had seen me enter the atrium. She had acknowledged my presence. She had looked directly at me. But none of that mattered. She chose to leave anyway.

Every inch of my heart broke at that moment. And I wasn't so sure it would ever be put back together again.

And every inch of my shattered heart knew I had no one to blame but myself.

++LILY++

I wanted to know why he was there. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I wanted to say good-bye to him.

But I knew that if I did any of that, there was a good chance I wouldn't get back into that fireplace. So before I lost the courage, I whispered, "I'm sorry," because I was. I knew how much it would hurt him to just leave him behind with all the unanswered questions. But at that moment, it needed to stop being about us and it needed to just be about me. So I found myself tossing the floo powder down and whispering, "American Ministry of Magic."

When I landed in the fireplace of the American Ministry, there were tears streaming down my cheeks and it felt as if my heart would burst out of my chest from sheer agony.

"Hello there, Lily Evans."

I wiped the tears away, ignored the pounding in my heart for leaving James behind, and looked up ready to embrace my new life.

At least I thought I was embracing my new life. What actually greeted me was something I had never expected.

++KEEGAN++

I had held tightly on to Lily as I said my good-byes. I didn't want her to go but I understood far too well why she felt she had to so I didn't try and stop her. I just prayed that James would get his act together in the next half hour and realize he couldn't live his life without her. He was the only one that could stop her at this point (if Lily even wanted to be stopped) so Lily's future was really in his hands.

And so I stood in my own empty apartment realizing that my future was now in my hands but if I wanted it to be, it could be in Sirius'.

That was the first time I admitted I could see myself staying for him.

And that scared me.

I felt my gaze fall upon the extra boxes stacked in the living room that Lily had left behind for me to use. I couldn't tear my eyes away, wondering if running back to France would solve any of my ongoing commitment phobias. I so wanted to believe that it could but in hindsight, maybe everyone was right. Maybe this is just another excuse for me to avoid what was right in front of me.

I was grateful that Lily hadn't mentioned anything about Sirius when we had said our good-byes, though I could tell she wanted to. But that moment hadn't been about him, it had been about me and Lily. I had long learned that making friends was a sure way to lead myself into vulnerable moments that I wanted to avoid. Yet Lily refused to let me just be her roommate. She included me in every outing she went on – Friday Night Dinners, Blarney's visits, Corner Joe's Sunday morning coffee fixes, Ministry events. Anywhere she went, she forced me to go, too. I was uncomfortable in the beginning but grew to appreciate her friendship. And now she was leaving and I had to say good-bye to one of the only true friends I had ever had.

So why shouldn't I go back to France? She left for America, so what was keeping me there?

The answer was obvious, though I refused to believe it.

When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from the boxes, my heart skipped a beat as they instead fell upon a group photo adorning our living room table. I slowly wandered over to it and picked up the frame, staring down at the smiling faces of my friends. I remember exactly when the photo was taken which should have been odd considering it hadn't been a special day of any kind. Just a normal Spring Saturday. But I remember every minute of it because it was the first time in a long time I had felt truly happy. It was the last time I remember all of us being happy.

I had been fairly new to the group having only recently moved in with Lily two months earlier and it was the first warm day of Spring. Sirius insisted the group throw together a Quidditch game in the field behind Potter Manor and apparently when Sirius insisted something, no one refused.

"Boys vs. girls!" Sirius had said with a puffed-out chest and his usual cheesy smile.

"There are seven of us and nine of you," Lily snorted. "I'd say that's one hell of a disadvantage."

"Not if you consider the fact that Sirius is really a girl," James teased, ducking as Sirius attempted to swat his broomstick at him.

"I'm going to ignore that," he scoffed. "And seeing as we have more people than two teams make, it's probably best that I just do what I do best and-"

"Hit on women?" Fabian interrupted before Sirius could respond. "I don't see how that's going to help this Quidditch game get started. On top of that, the only single girl here is Keegan and I have a feeling she'd break every bone in your body if you attempted to hit on her."

I blushed. That had been only my second encounter with Fabian and I had already found myself very attracted to him. (It was later that day that he had kissed me for the first time). "I am not opposed to sending Black to St. Mungo's for a much-deserved ass-kicking."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "'Much-deserved?'" he scoffed. "And, pray tell, what exactly am I doing to you at the moment that deserves my arse meeting your foot?"

"You mean besides just existing?"

"Well, gee, that was original," he muttered, dripping with sarcasm. He mounted his broom and kicked off from the ground, hovering only a few feet above us. "But before I was rudely interrupted by Fabio, I was going-"

"I believe you mean Fabian," Fabian scowled.

"-to say that I could referee while all of you actually play the match."

"Refereeing sounds much more appealing to me," Shannon chimed in with a playful whine.

"Yeah, I'm with her," Kay agreed.

"Agreed," Lily spoke up. "Does refereeing keep my feet planted on the ground?"

James pouted, wrapping his arms around his girlfriend's shoulders from behind and kissing the side of her face. How sickeningly adorable. "But you look so cute riding a broomstick."

"Yeah, you like it when she rides your broomstick, aye?" Sirius spoke with a crude smile.

A round of groans followed the suggestive joke. "Don't make me smack you with your broomstick, Sirius," Lily fired.

"Ah, what sweet foreplay."

"Sirius!"

He laughed ad Kay chimed in with a laugh, "Must you always be a pervert?"

He blinked. "Well, yes. Someone has to be in a group full of couples, don't ya think?"

"No," she responded immediately.

"You do realize if I wasn't around to make crude jokes, your lives would be far less satisfying," Sirius sighed overdramatically.

Silence filled the empty field before a round of raucous laughter followed.

"I feel so unappreciated right now," Sirius had muttered.

"Aw, don't worry," I said with a teasing smile, nudging his broom away from me with my shoulder. "You've always been unappreciated by me."

Once again, Sirius rolled his eyes at me and began to kick further off from the ground. "Alright, since I'm the referee, I get to choose my referee counterpart. And I-"

"If you pick me to sit out this game, Black, I'll make it worth your while," Jillian had teased, winking playfully at him.

"Ahem!" Remus cried out.

Jillian laughed, shooting him a look. "If you see me attempt to play Quidditch, you'll be embarrassed by me for the rest of our lives. Is that what you want?"

Remus hesitated slowly, glancing towards his best friend. "Alright, Jillian can be your co-referee but absolutely no while-worthing!"

The rest of us stared at Remus in amusement.

"What? I swear that's a thing."

"Good to know I'm the smart one of the group," Sirius snorted. "Alright, Jillian can be-"

"Whoa, whoa," Frank interrupted. "I don't' think it's right spitting out outrageous lies about how you're smart, Sirius."

Sirius scowled. "I am the referee, Longbottom, and will gladly call fouls to your disadvantage the entire game."

"Has anyone mentioned to you recently how incredibly intelligent you are?"

Sirius grinned. "Alright, Jillian, you can be my co-referee as long as you do that whole while-worthing thing Remus hinted at earlier."

"AHEM!"

"So as the referee," Sirius continued with a grin on his face, "I will be calling the shots around here. How-"

"Wow, he finally learned what his job actually entails," Drew said with a teasing grin. "I'm shocked."

Sirius scowled. "I was going to put you on a good team, Drew, but now I'm thinking you'd be better with the girls."

"Hey! We can be a good team!" Dezzy argued.

Blank stares gazed back at her.

"Alright, I might be putting too much faith in a group of girls in which half of them never picked up a broom before," she said pensively.

The girls couldn't help but laugh as Alice grabbed one of the extra brooms. "I can fly circles around these boys any day."

"Uh, honey? You do recall that I was Quidditch Captain in Hogwarts, right?" Frank said with an amused smile.

"Yeah, me too!" James spoke up.

"Eh, Gryffindor sucked," Frank dismissed.

"You mean the team that beat you out for Quidditch Cup three years in a row?"

Frank hesitated, turning back to face Alice. "So you can fly circles around us, hm?"

Another rounds of laughter occurred while we all decided to follow Alice's lead and reached for a broomstick. I hadn't picked up a broomstick in nearly two years since my boyfriend at the time was Quidditch-obsessed but I was ready to show these guys how a real woman could fly. I hadn't been too shabby in my time. (I'm convinced that my flying skills were part of the reason Fabian had been so impressed with me). I mounted a broom and sped off into the sky, relishing the sun on my face as I realized how free I felt in a long time. It had only been a few months since Damien and I had broken up and while I was still slightly guilt-ridden about the hasty exit, it had felt good to just be on my own again. For the first time in a long time, I had felt free.

"Alright, listen up!" Sirius barked. "James, Kay, Dezzy, Fabian, Alice, Peter, and Caleb on one team and Lily, Lance, Keegan, Drew, Remus, Frank, and Shannon on the other! Pick your positions and let's get this game started!"

It was a random memory to piece out of my jumbled mind, but it was one of my favorites. I couldn't remember the last time I had had that much fun. We all bad-talked each other and purposefully fouled each other and we had a contest for who could make the most outrageous move. I can't even remember who won but I do recall it being a Saturday afternoon I knew I wouldn't forget. Not because we were playing a fun game of Quidditch or because we were surrounded by good company but because for the first time in a long time, I remember being happy. We were all happy. We spent an entire afternoon laughing in the sky and then trekked over to Blarney's after in our sweaty gear to drink the night away.

It was a nothing special day that still somehow felt special. I flirted with Fabian. Sirius and I insulted each other. Lily and James shared stolen kisses all day. Shannon and Caleb couldn't keep their hands off each other. Remus smiled every time his eyes met Jillian in the crowd. Kay's hand sought out Lance's. Alice and Frank teased and taunted each other playfully. Drew and Dezzy tried to one-up each other in the sky.

We all talked, we laughed, and we couldn't get enough of each other. The smiles on our faces were real. Happiness was easy, not something we had to strive for. On that day, we had believed we could get through anything. I wasn't the only one who felt free. We all refused to let the war restrain us on that particular day as we just enjoyed the moment. That day wasn't about the war. It wasn't about the past. It wasn't about tragedies. It was about holding on to each other and valuing the strength of friendship. On that day, life was easy. But shortly after that, we had taken that for granted. Everything changed so quickly and none of us were ever the same.

That Quidditch game had been the first time in a long time that we had all been together and looking back, it was clearly the last time. After that things began to fall apart. Jillian left. Caleb died. Fabian and I got together and then separated. Shannon barely came around anymore. James and Lily broke up. Lily left. James lost himself. And me?

I hadn't a clue who I was anymore or where I was going. But as I glanced down at all of our smiling faces, I was very much aware that I wanted to be the girl in the photo again. The girl who could spend an entire afternoon playing Quidditch and ignore the horrible fate the wizarding world was headed towards.

And so I had a choice. I could pack up my things once again and return to France in some sort of attempt to figure out who I used to be as a way of figuring out who I could be. Or I could walk across the hall and knock on Sirius' door knowing he probably held the same answers.

My eyes darted back and forth between the boxes and the photo, praying that there would be a sign pointing me in the right direction. Something letting me know the path I needed to take. But I waited. I waited for the answer to just hit me. I waited for that sign. Something pointing me in the right direction.

Nothing came.

It looked like I had to make the decision all on my own.

++SYDNY++

I thought I had seen James Potter at his worst. I was certain there was no way he could ever look as depressed and heartbroken as he had several times in the past few months – when he was in the hospital waiting for Lily to wake up, when his brother returned, when his brother and father died, when he and Lily broke up, when she was recently attacked twice. The list goes on. But when I glanced up from my cubicle that Sunday afternoon and saw the look on James' face as he fell into his chair, I knew that this was by far the worst state he had ever been in.

"James?"

He slowly turned to look at me, his eyes void of feeling and his movement robotically eerie. "Oh," he said. "Hey. Didn't see you there."

He talked as if he were some type of zombie, the words so callous against his tongue. I almost didn't want to ask what was wrong but I couldn't help myself. "Are you okay?" I said softly.

He blinked, his eyes not straying from mine but the emotion on his face didn't change. I knew that if something horrible had gone down, I would have heard about it by now so I could rule out a mass murder of his friends or family.

"This is about Lily, isn't it," I spoke again, knowing perfectly well that it had to be.

Another blink and no response.

It was obvious to me that James hadn't come here to do actual work. He must have been in the area and needed somewhere to decompress. I was impressed he wasn't at a bar based on the way he was acting.

I knew I wasn't exactly a person high up on his list of people he wanted to see at the moment much less talk to, so I swiveled my chair back around to my desk and picked up my quill once again to review the new background checks on my desk. Considering we were leaving for the mission trip in less than two weeks, I had piles of work that needed to be completed before then. Good thing I'm a workaholic and didn't mind coming in on a weekend to do work.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I was stirred from my concentration on the criminal report I was reading by James' voice. I glanced over my shoulder and saw a newfound curiosity in his eyes. "Tell you what?"

He frowned, chewing pensively on the inside of his cheek. He stared at me for a few uncomfortable minutes, his eyes lingering hesitantly. Considering he was clearly on edge about something, I didn't want to push it but I could see whatever he was about to say was going to be something I didn't want to hear.

"Cindy Fevriello," is what he said when he finally spoke.

I froze, a shiver running down the entire course of my spine. I could feel my heart began to race as I tried to gauge some sort of reaction from him.

Nothing.

"Keegan told you?" I said softly.

"Sort of."

My brow furrowed in confusion.

"She finished the exposé."

That was fast. "She did?"

He nodded.

"And you read it?"

He shot me a weary look. "No, I'm just psychic and know what she wrote."

A joke. That was a good sign. I rolled my eyes at him. "Give me a few seconds to collect my thoughts, Smartypants."

"Did you just call me-"

"Yes. Now quit yapping, will ya?"

A solemn smile appeared on his face as he shrugged. "It was just a simple question."

"What was?"

He met my gaze and said matter-of-factly, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I frowned hesitantly, trying to ignore the rapid beating of my heart. "Isn't it obvious?" I sighed.

His eyebrow rose. "Evidently it's not."

I didn't even want to bother with this right now. I wanted to go back to reviewing my background checks so that when this secret erupted in my face for all the world to know, I could pretend I didn't care while my nose is buried in paperwork. But apparently everyone else wanted to discuss it. And frankly, the last person that I should be talking to about this was certainly James Potter. "I haven't told anyone so why would I tell you?" I said vaguely.

He continued to look at me with scrutiny. I hated it. I could tell he didn't believe me. "I didn't really expect you to but that's not really why you didn't tell me, is it?"

No. Damn him for being perceptive. Two minutes ago he was cold and impassionate and robotic. Now he was being wildly perceptive. So unfair. "How about we drop it?" I muttered. "You know my secret now, Potter. Congrats. Considering all the secrets I kept about you that are now out in the open, I guess it's only fair."

He was staring at me again. Finally he nodded. "We can drop it," he said softly. "But I hope you know this doesn't change anything between us."

"You mean you're still one hell of a surly son-of-a-bitch?"

"Yep. And you're still a coldhearted nuisance. But now you're a coldhearted nuisance with a murderer as your father."

I know it was intended to make me laugh but it made me cringe. I would always be the daughter of a murderer no matter how hard I tried to suppress it. It would always be there. I had lost my family in a single second and since that moment on, I had been losing myself. Or at least trying to because it was better doing that than be painfully reminded every day what my father did. For seventeen years I had loved him like a daughter is supposed to love her father. But I had loved someone who as it turns out, I never really knew. And a lot of people paid the price for it.

"You want to know why I didn't tell you?" I spoke, my words barely audible.

James hesitated, glancing at me curiously. He didn't say anything and I was grateful for it. Whether he wanted to know or not wasn't really the question. It was whether I wanted to tell him or not.

Our eyes locked and neither of us spoke. I could see such agonizing vulnerability staring back at me. I bet he could see the same in my eyes.

Eventually, I spoke. "My father got you into the mess that your life is right now," I said softly. "And it's obvious that he did a much better job of that than the job I am trying to do to get you out of it."

Surprise slowly flickered in James' eyes and I had to look away, realizing that I had never once exposed any of my insecurities since my father died until that moment. He was the reason I felt so desperate to help James. James deserved the second chance to live his life just like I had.

"Wow," he said softly. "You're an idiot."

That was not the response I was expecting. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. "For months you have sat there trying to convince me not to blame myself for the way things have turned out. All this time I thought it was because you genuinely thought it was Voldemort's fault. But a small part of you actually blames yourself, don't you?"

Bloody hell, when did he get so goddamned perceptive? "He was my father," I whispered scathingly, shaking my head. "And he was living a double life for two years and I never had a clue."

"No one could have predicted what happened."

"No, but what if it could have been stopped?"

He grew eerily silent, not responding immediately. He perched on the edge of his desk before saying, "That's what you're so angry about, isn't it. It's not about what he did or why he did it. It's about the fact that you stood by his side for two years and did nothing."

Stop reading my mind, Potter! I chose not to say anything.

He shook his head at me with a sigh. "You were a teenager, Lafevre. You were at school nine months out of the year. You were gossiping with your girlfriends and checking out boys. Your time was consumed with schoolwork and classes and having fun with your friends. That is what a teenager is supposed to do. They are not supposed to spy on their fathers on the off-chance that they are up to something. You couldn't have stopped it. Just like I couldn't have stopped Wyatt from leaving or Brite from dying or my father from abandoning us or JT being kidnapped or Wyatt and my father being killed or my sister being kidnapped or-"

"If your father hadn't been the one to take down my father, none of those things would have happened," I said firmly.

He blinked, a glare slowly forming on his face. "You know who you sound like?"

"Er…"

"Me!" he snorted. "Since you moved over here, I've been playing the woe-is-me, it's-my-fault-Voldemort-is-after-everyone card and you've snapped at me every time to stop acting so selfishly burdened. Well now it's my turn to return the favor. You are not your father. He did this, not you. So stop selfishly burdening yourself with guilt."

I frowned helplessly. "And how many times have I told you not to blame yourself before you actually listened?"

He shot me a look. "We're not talking about me."

"We sure as hell aren't talking about me anymore."

His irritated look turned into a glare. "Our secrets are out in the open now, Lafevre," he snapped. "We have nothing left holding us back. Who the fuck cares what has happened in the past? Why can't we just focus on the future? And our future should be devoted to destroying Voldemort."

I sensed deep regret in his words. "My future has always been devoted to that. You're the one who stumbled along the way."

That clearly was the wrong thing to say as his glare turned vehement. "What the hell was I supposed to do!? He was after my friends! My family! Lily! I am so bloody tired of everyone judging me for my fucking decisions! I made those decisions, not them. They're not the ones who have to live with them! Maybe I didn't go about things the right way, but I don't regret doing everything I can to protect the people I love! And if I don't regret my decisions, no one else should!"

Holy outburst. "Have I ever once judged you for your decisions, James?" I snapped. "No. And you know why? Because I know all about having to make impossible decisions when facing a difficult road ahead of you. I know what it's like to lose control of your life and become a person you barely recognize and hell, that's enough to make you do crazy things. So if you want to blow off your girlfriend because you can barely keep yourself out of danger let alone her, go right ahead. I'm not judging you. I'm simply telling you that you are going to regret it if you let her go."

I whirled around and grabbed my quill, frustrating seeping through my body. I had never once passed judgments on the decisions he made in regards to the war and I didn't appreciate him insinuating that I had. Had I often thought he was going about the wrong way in doing things? Yes. But that didn't mean I judged him for making the choices he felt he had to make.

"Too late for that."

The words were barely audible, but I knew I had heard them. I glanced over my shoulder. "What?" I asked hesitantly, taken aback by the vulnerability in those four words.

He didn't say anything immediately, but I could see the utter despair reflecting in his heartbroken eyes. "She's gone," he whispered.

I blinked in surprise. I thought she still had a few weeks left. "She…she left already?"

He nodded sullenly. "Yeah," he murmured. "She left."

Well, that certainly explained the big dark cloud hovering over James. And unfortunately I had nothing to say to make that dark cloud disappear.

He sighed. "And I'm the fucking idiot who thought I could go after her and change her mind."

My eyebrow shot up. "What?"

He ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, glancing up towards the ceiling with another sigh. "I-I went after her. I called out to her. And…" he trailed off, his breath hitching.

"And she still left," I finished for him.

He said nothing but the dark cloud over his head merely grew and I got my answer. "Oh," I murmured for lack of anything better to say. "I'm…I'm sorry, James."

He frowned, glancing over at me hesitantly. I saw such disappointment emanating behind his glasses. "The only person who should be sorry is me. I'm the one who started all this. She was just finally willing to end it," he muttered, pulling himself off my desk. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lafevre."

I guess the conversation was over.

As I glanced back down at the background checks in front of me, I wondered what was in store for me next. What was in store for the world. I knew that I would always hold on to the hope that this war would one day be over because I couldn't imagine any of the future generations having to deal with the tragedies that all of us have had to endure.

I hadn't shed a single tear since the day I found out what my father did but as I sat in that cubicle thinking about the name I had shunned for nine years, I felt the tears well up inside of my eyes.

My father started this war and I was determined to finish it. For all of the people that died by his hands. For my mother and my brothers who paid the ultimate price. For the Aurors who have died trying to fight Voldemort since. For the Muggle families tortured by the hands of Death Eaters. For the families who have lost someone they loved. For James. For all the Potters.

And for Cindy Fevriello.

++KAY++

"You okay?"

I glanced over my shoulder as Lance came up behind me on the couch, kissing the side of my head.

I nodded. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He came around the couch and dropped down beside me. "Because Lily left about fifteen minutes ago."

My heart fluttered as I met his gaze. "Oh, did she? I hadn't noticed the time," I lied.

He offered me a sad smile. "I'm sorry she's gone," he spoke softly.

I forced out a smile, otherwise I might have broken down. "Yeah, me too," I murmured sullenly, glancing back down at my book that I pulled off the shelf so as to distract myself from the fact that my best friend was leaving. But as I glanced down, I was aware that the words were blurring in front of me.

"Kay…"

I couldn't ignore the tears that were slowly trickling down my cheeks. "I'm being stupid," I whispered as I attempted to swipe the tears away to no avail.

"No, you're not," he whispered, scooting over so he was sitting beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and drew me close to him. "She's your best friend. The two of you have been through everything together."

I tossed my book on to the coffee table and settled into the nook of his shoulder, the tears splashing on to his shirt. "Everyone else has stumbled along the way," I whispered. "There have been a lot of fights and blowups and betrayals. People left. Others shut down. Friendships were tested. But Lily and I have stayed strong throughout. I-I don't know what I'm going to do the next time another tragedy strikes and she's not here to help carry us through it."

"She's just a fireplace away," he reminded me. "You know if you ever need her, she'll be here in a heartbeat."

My heart twinged. "It's not the same," I whispered.

He nodded. "I know," he murmured, burying his lips into my hair. "And I know I'm no Lily, but I hope you know I'll always be here for you."

That actually did make me smile as I turned to face him. "You may not be Lily, but you have a few decent qualities yourself," I teased.

"Oh, just a few, hm?" he chuckled.

I nodded, a smirk playing on my lips. "Well, there's your smile. Makes any girl melt. And then there's your incredible heart and generosity. And I rather like how soft your hair is."

He snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "Oh, and is that it? Smile? Generosity? Soft hair?"

I pretended to mull it over before shrugging. "Just about," I said flippantly, earning a playful scoff from him. Laughing, I turned to him and said, "Well, except for the one quality that actually matters."

"Oh? And what's that?"

A smirk played on my lips as I drew my face close to his. "The fact that you are unbelievably sexy," I whispered, letting my lips linger only lightly against his.

He grinned, letting his tongue trace the outside of my lips. "You're right," he whispered. "That is the only quality that matters."

We didn't waste any more time as he pressed his lips hungrily to mine, the kiss filled with unrelenting passion. His hands dug their way into my hair as our lips crashed desperately against one another's. I let out a guttural moan as his tongue teased and taunted me, running the length of my bottom lip with maddening precision. I slowly climbed on top of him as his tongue slipped into my mouth. We only broke apart for a second to gasp for breath and I took that opportunity to toss my shirt over my head before pulling his lips to mine once again.

In that moment, I knew that even without Lily, I was going to be okay.

++SIRIUS++

I was actively avoiding looking at any clocks knowing that Lily would have left by now. The night before had been everything she had needed, a night of frivolity to forget all of the things she felt desperate to run from. I just hoped we gave her a reminder of all the good things she was leaving behind.

I also couldn't help but wonder if James finally got his act together and went after her before losing her forever. For his case, I hoped he did.

As a way of suppressing the heartache of Lily leaving, I was finally getting around to rearranging the furniture in the apartment. I was pushing the couch around when there was a knock at my door. Considering the last couple of days, I was thinking it would be best to leave the door unopened. But of course my curiosity got the better of me so I wiped the sweat from my brow and ventured over to open it.

My heart froze when I saw Keegan standing there. She looked up at me but didn't say anything. And for the first time since I met her, I couldn't read the expression on her face.

So I asked the question I knew she was there to answer.

"Are you here to say hello or goodbye?" I asked softly.

She didn't answer immediately and I had a feeling it had been a question she had struggled with all day. So I didn't push her into answering like I desperately wanted to. I just did what I told her I would do.

I waited.

++JAMES++

Defeat. That's all I felt in my chest as I stumbled into my front door that afternoon. Losing the girl you loved was never easy but watching her deliberately leave you behind was even more heartbreaking.

I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I put myself in this situation. I had paid the ultimate price and I couldn't go back and change things now. I had tried but I had failed. I knew I shouldn't have expected her to want to see me let alone talk to me. And yet there was that small voice inside my head (probably Remus' voice) that told me that maybe, maybe it wasn't too late.

That voice was wrong.

And I never felt like so much of a failure than I did in that moment.

As I entered the vacant foyer, I was very aware of how quiet it was. Here I was with this huge house and the people that I had once loved sharing it with were now dropping off one by one. My sister stopped coming around (I wish I could blame it on the fact that she was now married and pregnant and had no time for me), I hadn't seen my mother enter the house since New Year's Eve (could I blame it on the fact that I had nearly cost her another son that night?), the Guys' Night poker games we used to hold every couple of months had stopped (Drew was married, Lance & Frank were planning their weddings, Sirius was a jackass, Peter spent more time at the pub now more than ever, and Fabian was still reeling from his breakup with Keegan), Sirius was no longer allowed to step foot in my house, and I had let Lily go in the worst way possible. I could blame it on various events that were occurring in their lives but if I was finally willing to be completely honest with myself, it was I who had pushed them all away one by one. It was what I thought I had wanted. But standing alone in my foyer just made me realize that trying to protect the people I cared about by pushing them away didn't make things easier. It just made me alone. And that was one thing I had never been before. Too many people had been looking out for me. And when I tried looking out for them, I only failed myself.

It was hard not to think about those I shared with my friends before I forced myself into solitude. Those memories were the only things keeping me going right now.

The Friday Night Dinners. We would loiter for hours after dinner had been scarfed down, drinking wine and recounting hilarious work stories from the past couple of weeks. When was the last Friday we actually all had dinner together?

Sunday mornings at Corner Joe's. 90% of the time we would show up there hungover and in desperate need of a caffeine fix where we would then regale each other with anecdotes from the night before, usually featuring the latest girl Sirius had gone home with. I couldn't even recall the last time I bothered going to Corner Joe's.

The Guys' Night Poker games. We had scandalous conversation surrounding our girls, drank far too much, and lost out on a lot of money. But those were nights I would never forget. The last Poker Night was spent harping on failed relationships.

The Quidditch games we would play in my backyard. It was guaranteed that we would always get into some form of yelling match because someone was bound to accuse another of cheating (usually Sirius). Now the only time I picked up my broom was to try and keep some sort of control over my thoughts.

The spontaneous Blarney's excursions. So many nights we would wind up at Blarney's because it was always better sharing an evening with our friends and a couple of beers than spending the night alone in our quiet apartments. Now we went to Blarney's to forget about our lives.

Ministry charity events. Oh, how we hated the numerous events we were forced to go to because the unfortunate ties we all had to the Ministry. But while we dreaded making an appearance, you could guarantee that we would find some way of entertaining ourselves, whether it was playing our favorite game of Who Will Sirius Go Home With or taking shots every time the speech-giver used the words "Thank you." Ministry events was just a reminder that I no longer had a plus-one in Lily.

The infamous New Year's Eve Auror Balls. Every year topped the year before it (er…this year excluded). We would drink, we would dance, and we would inevitably stay up all night reminiscing on the past year's eventful memories and providing each other with the hopes we had for the upcoming year. The Last New Year Eve's Auror Ball nearly killed us all.

The vacations we all planned together to get away from the everyday hustle and bustle of our normal lives. The ski trips we would take where the guys would challenge each other to see who could get to the bottom of the hill the fastest. The beach trips we would take where we would ultimately play chicken and somehow Kay and Lance always won. The day trips we would take into downtown London to see who could act like the least inconspicuous Muggle. The last vacation I attempted to plan was with Lily and we had to cancel because Caleb had died.

The barbeques we would have in my backyard. Every year we had made it a tradition to start the summer right with a full-fledged barbeque where Sirius would always manage to show up with illegal fireworks, Lily would spend half the night telling him he was going to blow us all up, and I would egg both of them on while taking bets with Remus as to who was going to win out on that fight. I could safely say those barbecues were over.

The anniversaries with Lily. This past year aside, I had always put so much effort into making her feel like the special woman I had always known she was on the anniversary of the day she gave me a chance. She deserved to be riding around in horse-drawn carriages and showered with expensive jewelry and taken away for a much-needed long weekend where we could forget about the war and focus on each other. She deserved the world handed to her on a silver platter and she deserved to be loved.

That last thought made my heart sink. She deserved to be loved. And while I still loved her with every fiber of my being, I had let her down by making her believe I didn't.

She didn't owe me anything. I would have left without saying good-bye if I had been her, too.

I let the best thing that ever happened to me go because of fear and now I didn't know how I was supposed to move on with my life when she no longer existed in it. If reading the exposé taught me anything, it taught me that she was it for me. She was the one. My only one. And I had been too stupid to admit it when it had actually mattered and now it was too late. She was really gone and there wasn't anything I could do about it. .

Pushing everyone away had been the plan along. So why did I feel so horrible now that I've accomplished that?

I knew the answer even before I asked the question. Because I had been so foolish and naïve to believe that no one had to get hurt. But here we all were dealing with our own kind of heartbreak and suffering, our hearts now fragile with the stench of defeat. A world of memories that had once given me meaning were now just a distant heartache of unfortunate regret. It was as nothing even mattered anymore. I had had a surge of motivation, like a lightbulb going off in my heart, when I made the decision to go after Lily, but I was only more heartbroken now than I was before I ran off to win her over.

I dragged myself into the library where I had spent the night reading every page of the Potter family exposé. It now sat haphazardly on the coffee table where I had tossed it as I rushed out of the room earlier. I took a hesitant step into the room, my eyes never leaving the transcript as the words from the page flooded my mind. Those pages were filled with the honest truth of my life, the truth I had practically begged Keegan to write. And now it was just a hard reminder of the family I had lost and the love I had sacrificed.

I stood there for a while just staring at the white pages as I remembered Brite and the overwhelming heart he had. I thought of Jaron and the innocence he possessed even after dealing with so much tragedy before his death. I recalled the way Wyatt could ease any tension with a single joke. I remembered the times my father let his guard down and became a human being again instead of the overworked Auror he often was. I thought of my friends who had always gotten me through the tough times. Sirius had been there by my side cracking jokes and recognizing when I needed laughter as a defense mechanism. Remus was the one I would go to when I needed to talk. Peter always knew when I was in need of a drink as a way of forgetting the tragedies. And then there was Lily. The girl I had fallen in love with before I even knew what love was. The girl who stood by my side when I hadn't deserved it. The girl who made life bearable again. The girl I had always tried to protect in every way I could.

My heart skipped a beat at that thought. And for the first time in months, I wasn't clouded by the war or by death or by Voldemort. I was finally beginning to see clearly.

Because even though I wanted the world to know that the Potters were a family to be reckoned with who had a target on our backs because of something that had happened nine years earlier, the moment the exposé would be published was the moment the truth about why I had let Lily go was out in the open. And then Lily would have nowhere to hide as Voldemort put her on the top of his list.

That thought alone haunted me as the inevitable fear filled my heart.

My eyes wandered over to a photo in the corner of the room of myself and Lily on our one-year Anniversary. We looked so happy. Hell, back then we were happy. We still thought the world was our oyster and we could do anything we put our minds to. We had believed in dreams and we let ourselves get swept away in the fairytale of love. But then we grew up. The war took over. People died and we quickly realized that fairytales and dreams weren't reality. Yes, we loved each other and yes, for a while that was enough. But then came the day where it wasn't.

But that didn't mean I wouldn't still always love her.

I stared back down at the exposé lying on the table, a reluctant sigh escaping my lips as I slowly reached down to pick it up. My eyes sought the dedication page Keegan had added, the words echoing in my brain: "To those who lost love and who lost themselves because of it. May one day you find your way back."

I really hope so, Keegan. I really hope so.

The life I had shared with Lily flashed through my mind as I slowly wandered over to the trashcan and tossed the exposé inside of it.

I may not have done the best job of trying to protect Lily in the past but that didn't mean I was about to stop trying.

And as a way of protecting my own heart, I picked up that photo of myself and her upon our one-year anniversary and I, too, tossed that into the trash.

++REMUS++

I never said this would be a happy story. Not all fairy tales end in happy endings. Those fairy tales you were so used to reading about as a kid always end with love and hope. They end with a smile on your face. They end with Happily Ever After. But that's not where the true story ends. No, they inevitably end in heartbreak and tragedy and undeniable sorrow. You just never hear that part because the story always ends before the true misfortunes transpire. But I'm here to tell you that fairy tales don't exist. Happy endings are a sham. Love and hope inevitably come to a crashing halt. One look at my friends' lives proves that.

As I focused on a lost and depressed James and I thought about a heartbroken Lily and I reflected on a commitment-phobia Keegan and I recalled the ups and downs of Kay and Lance's relationship and I remembered a defeated Fabian and I pondered the relationship woes of Riley and as I ended my thoughts on a confused and yet hopeful Sirius, I just desperately prayed that one day we would all be able to find that happy ending we so deserved. Because in my heart, I knew it could be possible. One day.

This story should have ended here. Everyone was coming to their own unfortunate realizations during a tumultuous time in all of our lives. Some of us left because of those realizations, some of us stayed, and some of us were still making decisions that could affect the rest of our lives. But those decisions should have been part of the next chapter in our lives. And they would have been.

Had it not been for what happened next, the story would have ended there. James and Lily's love story would have been put to rest. Misery and heartbreak would have officially overcome happiness. The war would have chewed us all up and spit us out to be nothing but cynical, angry robots. We would have lived that way for the rest of our lives. We wouldn't have been able to go back to the people we once were. Those seven awkward teenagers who knew nothing about how the world, or love, worked and who had dreams to survive on. We would have said good-bye to each other and let that be the end. Our epic story would have come to a close.

But the story didn't end there. As it turned out, Voldemort had one last trick up his sleeve.

A/N: ::ducks as tomatoes are thrown at her:: Yes, I realize that this isn't what any of you were expecting - Lily left without talking to James and I left you with a cliffhanger regarding Keegan and Sirius. But I have to keep you on your toes somehow, don't I?

Next up: What is Voldemort's last trick?