Goodbyes On The Balcony

by ByeByeBirdie

3 years after Hogwarts, James and Lily are back with old and new friends by their side. Their lives are motivated by fear, their world surrounded by immense danger. As they each fight for their lives and for their loved ones in a world centered around Voldemort, the struggle to survive the war against him is nothing compared to the struggle to survive the wars within themselves.

54. Of Chants, Hunches, & Nicknames

A/N: Thank you to all the wonderful reviews! It sounds like most people loved the action and here's a little bit of a secret: I loved writing it! This chapter is slightly more depressing (who knew that was possible) seeing as Sydny just died (hardest thing for me to write) and Sirius, Alice, and Lily are wavering between life and death. I had to dig deep to figure out what each of these characters must be feeling during this difficult time so I hope that comes across. This is my longest chapter yet so at least you have that to look forward to!

Disclaimer: Oh J.K. Rowling how I love thee. I just ain't thee.

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Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 54: Of Chants, Hunches, & Nicknames

By ByeByeBirdie

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++PETER++

I could see James unraveling in front of my very eyes. I couldn't tell if it was because he felt burdened by Sydny's death or if he was afraid of losing Lily or if he was torn between hating Sirius and praying for him to come out of this alive, but whatever it was, he was losing himself.

People often mistook me for an ignorant fool, but ever since having to play the role of a double-crosser, I had learned to become very perceptive or I was never going to make it out alive.

As I paced the floor, I couldn't help but wonder why I hadn't been included on any part of Voldemort's plans to kidnap Lily in the American Ministry. He had always kept me in the loop about the goings-on of my friends, and I had a strong suspicion it was because he was testing me. If his plans were somehow thwarted, he could use me as some sort of scapegoat. So why not tell me now? Was he losing trust in me? Was I going to be the next target?

I had to remove that thought from mind immediately, too afraid to think of the implications if it were true.

The waiting room was full of people, all there in hopes of getting information about Sirius, Lily, or Alice. Mrs. Gilmore was in with Lance and Kay, but Rafe, Billy, and Riley got kicked out when eleven o'clock struck as visiting hours were pronounced over. As his mother, she apparently had free reign to be in there, but how Kay weaseled her way into staying I would never know. Fabian had been moved into a private room and continued to sleep, though James and Gideon had been thoughtful enough to trade off checking on him every so often until the clock struck eleven and the mediwitches kicked them out. I didn't realize the bad shape that Fabian was in until Kay later explained that it looked like he had been struck with three to four simultaneous Cruciatus Curses, which caused immense strain on his heart and internal organs. He was being monitored closely but was expected to make a full recovery. Frank was sitting in the waiting room with the rest of us, though the beefy Healer wasn't too pleased about not admitting him straight away. He said he'd only agree to be admitted into his own room if they gave him information on Alice, to which the Healer had to agree to allow Frank to stay in the waiting area. His mother was fussing over him, which clearly displeased Frank. Or maybe he was worried about Alice. Either way, he didn't look very happy. Or maybe that was just because of the huge bandage around his head.

Drew and Dezzy had gone looking for food and beverages and had only recently come back with an armful of water bottles and bags of chips, all of which remained untouched on the table as no one had any sort of appetite. They now stood hunched in the corner, murmuring their concern for Lance with Riley and Rhett. Quickly after Mrs. Potter had arrived, she had gone looking for a Healer who would give her information on Sirius' status but as much as she had always been one hell of a mother figure to Sirius, without the two of them sharing blood, she was given no information just like the rest of us.

"I'm sorry, but it is well after midnight and seeing as visiting hours are closed, I must insist you all leave."

All heads swiveled in the direction of the voice. He was clearly not just some mediwitch but someone brought in from upper Management to do the trick that a few mediwitches could not, seeing as they had been trying to kick us out for hours now.

"We are not going anywhere," Mrs. Potter spoke firmly. "We will sit here and wait until we are provided with the information we deserve."

The man's stern look grew irritable. "How many times does my staff have to tell you that our hospital policy dictates that we can only release information to family mem-"

"Screw hospital policy!" James roared. "How many bloody people have to bloody tell you that we are their family! I am Sirius Black's brother! Alice is my sister! Lily is…well, she's Lily!"

"Oh, yeah, that explains it," Remus drawled humorously.

Shooting him a glare, James continued. "They don't have anyone but us! Sirius' mother and father disowned him six years ago and he came to live with my family. My mother is his mother! He is my family and I am his! Alice's parents turned their back on her the moment she decided to become an Auror because they thought it would be too dangerous of a life for her, so Frank became her everything! And she became all of ours! And Lily lost her parents at a very young age, her sister abandoning her quickly after. She has no one else but us! Why can't you understand that we're not desperate for answers prior to you divulging that information to their families? We are desperate for answers because they are our families!"

The entire room went silent as James' rant came to an end. We could feel the overbearing emotion wavering from every sentence he spoke. Guilt and remorse seeped into his desperate expression, his eyes glazing over with angst hidden beyond his spectacles. Every single one of us in that waiting room felt the raw emotion emanating from our hurting friend because it was the same raw emotion we all felt in our own fragmented hearts.

"What I'm hearing from what you're saying is that all three patients have family alive. And if that's the case, they are the only ones who I can provide privileged information to. I unfortunately don't know what else to say but I'm-"

"So help me Merlin, if the next word out of your mouth is sorry, I will snap you in half like a twig," James snarled, climbing out of his chair to face the guy.

"James," his mother pleaded.

He ignored her as he pressed on. "One of our own died today," he choked out. "She risked her life to save the people lying in those hospital beds. All any of us need to know is that she didn't die it in vain. Please have some compassion."

The man still looked unconvinced, though he appeared to be slightly more remorseful.

James frowned. "And if you don't have compassion, then just tell us as some sort of bargaining chip because only once you've given us information are we all going to leave. Otherwise, every single one of us will be camping out here all night. And we will be loud and disruptive the entire time. Disturbing all of the other patients and their families. There will be songs and dances and when that gets boring, we will chant. Over and over again. And you won't be able to get us to leave because above all else, we are stubborn. So I'd choose your next words very carefully."

The man clearly felt some antagonistic appeal in James' later statement. He frowned hesitantly, shifting his weight curiously as he glanced around the room. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "They're alive."

It was only two words but the world suddenly felt a lot brighter than it had two minutes ago.

"But?" Frank whispered. There was always a but.

The man's lips pursed. "They're alive," he repeated carefully, "but there's no guarantee they'll stay that way."

And once again our world was plunged into a sea of broken darkness.

"Now, I beg you," he asked pleadingly, "Please go home and get some rest. Visiting hours start up again at eight in the morning. There's no doubt in my mind that you will all return then."

Without another word, the man turned on his heel and walked away.

"I should get back to my room," Frank murmured, though he clearly wasn't excited by the prospect.

Everyone else exchanged hesitant looks before Moody finally stood up from where he sat. "He was right. We all need to get home and get some sleep. It has been a long day for all. There's nothing more we can do here."

"They wouldn't give us any information anyway," James grumbled under his breath, sinking back into one of the chairs.

Moody turned to give him a stern look, but James was too busy staring longingly at the floor tiles to notice.

One by one, we all picked ourselves up off our chairs and headed towards the elevator. All except for Remus, James, Keegan, and myself.

"James," his mother whispered, wandering over to him and grazing her fingers along his hairline.

He jerked back and stared up at her with an icy expression. "I'm not going anywhere," he insisted.

His mother frowned but said nothing more, instead leaning down to kiss him atop his head before whisking herself out of the waiting room after the others.

"I'm not either," Remus insisted.

I found it rather foolish to spend the night in uncomfortable plastic chairs when the hospital staff wouldn't be able to provide us with any sort of updates on the others, but I was a Marauder and we Marauders stuck together. "Me, neither," I argued, shaking my head.

We all turned to look at Keegan, who for the first time since I met her had tears in her eyes. "I have nothing to go home to," she whispered.

None of us said anything to that because frankly with Sirius in the hospital, none of us had much to go home to.

Sighing, I slumped down in the plastic chair. Slightly audible sighs were heard from the others as they settled into their own seats, the difficult of the day weighing on our minds.

"So," Remus finally spoke, breaking us all out of our cheerless thoughts, "Sirius' girlfriend, hm?"

Keegan lifted her head to look at him. "Really? That's what you want to talk about right now?"

"Well, it's either that or we opt for a song and dance followed by some mild chanting," he mused, shrugging. "But we already promised we wouldn't do that."

It should have been funny but it was as if we had all lost the will to laugh.

"So are you his girlfriend? Or were you just trying to get information on him?"

She frowned, shaking her head slowly. "I didn't just say it to get information," she murmured.

All of our eyebrows shot up. "Oh yeah?" I mused.

She sighed, resting her head against the wall hesitantly. "Yeah."

Remus' eyebrow shot up. "And when exactly did this happen?" he asked curiously.

"About six hours before Sirius decided to throw himself headfirst into fiendfyre," she whispered hoarsely, slumping down in her chair.

Awkward silence filled the room before James said, "I'm so sorry, Keegan."

She shrugged hesitantly. "It is what it is."

"Yeah," Remus sighed. "But it still sucks."

I saw a tear glistening in her eye only briefly before she swiped at it, turning away from all of us.

I exchanged a look with both Remus and James, none of us quite knowing what to say to that. In only took seconds before I realized there wasn't anything to say. The last Marauder was in a hospital fighting between living and dying and there was no way of knowing what his outcome would be.

Glancing up, I noticed James let out a deep sigh, grabbing a throw pillow from the couch and placing it behind his head. "Well, we may as well try and get comfortable," he murmured, slumping down in his seat. "We're in for a long night."

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++JAMES++

The mediwitches patrolling the floor weren't happy in any way that four grown adults were camping out in the waiting areas way after visiting hours were pronounced over, but seeing as we weren't causing any harm, they let us be for the most part. I could hear Peter's snores from the floor at one point and glancing over at Remus periodically who was curled in a ball on one of the uncomfortable chairs had me realizing he was drifting in and out. Keegan was lying on the couch, but she faced the wall so I couldn't be sure if she was sleeping or just avoiding all of us. But me, I couldn't sleep. I was wide awake, haunting thoughts of Sydny, Lily, Sirius, and Alice keeping me from finding any sort of slumber.

"James."

I jumped when my name was spoken at half past five in the morning. My eyes narrowed. "Moody, what are you doing here?"

"I thought you'd want to know that I've asked Scrimgeour to use his Ministry powers to see if we can get them all transferred to St. Mungo's," he explained. "At least then we could get some sort of update on their conditions."

My eyes grew wide with hope. "And?"

"He's still working on it," Moody continued hastily. "My second option is that if they can't be transferred then to at least get some of the St. Mungo's staff in here to tend to Sirius, Lily, and Alice. I know that all any of us want is answers."

My heart grew heavy at the very thought. "Yeah, I want answers," I whispered, crossing my arms. "I want a lot of answers. Like what in Merlin's name was Sydny thinking not sending a mass patronus for bloody backup."

"James-"

"Why the hell did Sirius leave the house to search for help from Alice and Fabian when a single patronus would have had us all running after him?"

"James-"

"If they had just sent the patronus, would Sydny be alive right now?"

"You can't-"

"Do you know what Sirius' last words were before he blacked out?"

Moody frowned. "What?"

"That Sydny died saving Lily," I snapped. "All she ever did was try to protect me and everyone else, but what did it get her? A bloody coffin?"

He winced as he slowly took a seat in the empty chair beside me. "What did you expect, James?" he whispered. "Did you really expect that you would all rush headfirst into a clear suicide mission and all come out alive? I'm actually impressed that more of you weren't killed."

My stomach tightened. "You may want to hold that thought," I whispered.

"James-"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I pleaded, rushing out of the chair and away from my superior. I didn't want to hear him berate me for concocting this idea about going after Lily. I didn't want him reminding me that it was my fault Sydny Lafevre – or Cindy Fevriello – was dead and there were three others on the way.

"James, wait," he pleaded, chasing after me and grabbing my arm before I could get too far.

I whirled around at his slightest touch. "I don't need you to tell me that this is my fault, Moody," I urged, shaking my head irritably. "I don't need you to scold me or berate me or yell at me because I guarantee, I feel worse as it is. Was it my idea, going after Lily? Yeah, it was. And if we hadn't, she may very well be dead if she isn't already! This is what we do, Moody. This is what we signed up for. We go after the people we care about and if we have to die for them, so be it. We knew the risks, both as an Auror and an Order member. Death is always an option, no matter how unideal it may be. We knew that and we rushed into battle anyway."

Moody frowned, his eye twitching curiously. "Sounds to me as if you're trying to convince yourself that you made the right choice more than you're trying to convince me."

"We got Lily out, did we not?" I snapped, a little too harshly.

His lips pursed hesitantly before saying, "You didn't get Sydny out."

My face turned white at the clear slap in the face. I was finding it near impossible to breathe as I stared up at the disappointed look on Moody's face. "I don't need to be reminded of that," I whispered hoarsely. "I was there."

With guilt resting in my heart, I whirled around to storm off but Moody's next words stopped me.

"You did what you had to do. No one blames you for that."

I frowned, slowly turning around to face him. "Half a minute ago it certainly sounded like you blamed me.'

"No, that wasn't blame," he sighed. "That was grief. We lost a good Auror yesterday. I know I don't have to tell you that."

I could feel my body shake with guilt. "No," I murmured. "You don't."

Before he could say another word, I turned on my heel and walked away, unable to bear hearing another word on the matter. I was grateful when he didn't follow.

I staggered to the water fountain, taking a slow sip, as I glanced down the hallway, curious which rooms Alice, Lily, and Sirius were currently residing in. If I could somehow get that information, I could find a way to sneak in and-

"James."

I jumped, whirling around at the sight of a very unkempt Keegan. "Hey," I murmured.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

Everything inside of me tightened at the possibility of reliving that night. I opened my mouth to utter my protests, but nothing came out. I was too drained to even think about saying anything, much less actually form a coherent sentence. "Keegan" was all I could sputter out.

She frowned. "Don't do that. Don't just say my name in hopes I'll drop it, because I won't. I need to know. Please."

I watched the agony flicker in her eyes, the sheer desperation seeping into her expression. "So you're really dating him?" I blurted out when I found my voice again.

Her expression turned to slight embarrassment. "Er…"

"It's a simple question."

She smiled lopsidedly before nodding. "Yeah," she whispered. "I guess I am."

"What happened to you going back to France?"

She averted her eyes towards the ground, shuffling her feet bashfully. "He gave me a reason to stay," she whispered.

I found myself wanting to smile, but it never came. My heart was far too broken to even scrounge up the slightest bit of happiness for her. For a quick second, Lily flashed through my mind. Sirius had given Keegan a reason to stay but I was never able to give Lily one. She walked away before I could.

"Though if Sirius makes it through this alive, I may kill him myself for somehow convincing me dating him was a good idea hours before he puts himself in imminent danger."

I ignored my own thoughts as I turned to her with a cringe and a guilty frown. "That's kinda my doing, Keegan," I murmured. "I'm the one who made the decision to go after Lily."

"Right, and I'm sure you had to strong-arm the rest of them to go along with it," she drawled sarcastically.

To that, I couldn't argue.

"Please, James," she whispered desperately. "Just tell me what happened."

I didn't even know where to begin, wracking my brain for some sort of worthy explanation. "Lily was kidnapped," I croaked out.

Keegan's fists clenched by her side, but she said nothing.

"She flooed to the American Ministry and they had a trap set up for her. Grabbed her right then and there. It wasn't until hours later that we even knew she had been taken."

"How did you know where to find her?"

"We didn't," I murmured, shaking my head. "Sydny and Sirius had a hunch and…and we went for it. It was all we had to go on but it was enough. A few of us turned into eleven of us and…it just got out of hand, Keegan. It was a wild goose chase. We didn't know what to expect. There were five houses she could have been in, and Sirius and Sydny just happened to choose the house that Lily was…" I trailed off, the hairs on my arms slowly standing up at a sudden realization.

"That Lily was what?"

"Oh my God, she knew," I murmured breathlessly, suddenly finding it difficult to catch my breath.

"Lily knew what?"

"Not Lily, Sydny," I whispered hoarsely, my face growing ashen at the possibility. "She knew Lily would be there. She chose that house for a reason. It's why she didn't stop me when I wanted to take Bellatrix' house. Oh my God, she knew!"

"What are you talking about, James?" Keegan asked, her eyes narrowed with confusion.

I didn't answer her question, stepping past her and rushing down the hallway towards the waiting room. "Sydny knew!"

All I got was a snore from Peter and silence from Remus. I shook them awake, both of them pulling out of their groggy states with confusion. "What's going on?" Peter murmured, stirring from the floor.

Remus blinked before realizing I was standing there. He sat up immediately. "What? What is it? Is it Sirius? Lily? Al-"

"Sydny knew that Lily was going to be in that house! She chose that house for a bloody reason!"

I received two blank stares from my friends as I ignored the footsteps behind me that I could only presume were from Keegan.

"What makes you say that?" Remus asked, his brow knitted in bewilderment.

"She was the one who suggested we split up into pairs. She was the one who said Sirius should take his old lakehouse. She was the one who said she'd pair up with Sirius. She-"

"Yeah, but normally you pair up with him," Peter pointed out. "So it could have easily been you."

"She knew we were fighting. She knew I wouldn't want to go with him. And even if I did, I was insistent on taking Bellatrix' house. Either way, Sydny would have ended up at Sirius' old home. It all makes sense!"

"Why does this matter?" Keegan spoke up behind us.

I turned on my heel with a frown. "I…I don't know," I admitted. "But something is off about it. Why wouldn't she have called for backup unless she had some other plan in mind? She knew Lily was in there and refused to call for help. She died because of it!"

"I think you're just jumping the gun here in an attempt to turn this into some conspiracy," Remus argued. "You don't know what she knew, James. And-"

"Yeah, and thanks to her, I'll never know," I snapped, glaring at him before storming out of the waiting room with even more questions running around in my head.

I was even more frustrated now than I was before. I knew in my heart that Sydny had known more than she had let on. I think it ultimately led to her death and I was determined to find out what it was that she had been hiding.

If only Sirius would wake up so we could all get some answers.

"James."

I had reached the end of the hallway when I heard Keegan behind me. Slowly turning around, I said, "I don't know why it matters, Keegan, but it does."

She nodded hesitantly. "Take it from someone who knows," she sighed. "When someone you care about dies, you'll do whatever it takes to determine why it had to happen. But I hope you know, James, that there's a good chance you'll never find that out."

I frowned. "I just…if she had some grand plan, then maybe her death doesn't have to be my fault," I murmured, the guilt settling into my heart.

"What? Why would it be your-"

"Because I was the one who insisted on going after Lily without so much as a game plan in mind," I blurted out, shaking my head. "I should have just listened to Moody and waited until we had more information."

Keegan shot me a look. "We both know you never would have done that. Don't beat yourself up for going after the girl you love. That's not something you should ever have to feel guilty about."

I wasn't convinced but I said nothing. I didn't know why Sydny went into that house with Sirius knowing the risks, but I knew it had to mean something. Maybe I needed it for closure or maybe I just needed to know for peace of mind, but whatever it was, it killed me not having any of the answers.

"C'mon, let's get back to the waiting room," I murmured, wanting the subject dropped altogether.

She frowned but said nothing as we turned around and head back down the hallway. I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn't want to talk about Sirius or Lily or Alice. I just wanted to forget for a moment that my friends were wavering between life and death. "So," I murmured, letting out a hesitant sigh. "I read your exposé."

She blinked in surprise as she turned to look up at me. "And did it give you all the answers you were looking for?"

I thought back to the words that had been spilled across each page. Words about the nobility of my deceased brothers. About the true art of friendship. About what family was intended to mean. About love and sacrifice and the power of relationships. Words about my love for Lily. Words about my unwavering brotherhood with Sirius. Words about Cindy Fevriello.

Nothing was resolved. Everything was still very much open-ended in my world. And two of those open-ended fixations were lying unconscious in hospital beds.

Turning to face Keegan, I shook my head. "I-I don't know if I ever really knew the questions to begin with," I admitted.

Her lips thinned curiously. "That's big of you to admit."

I shrugged. "How did you know about Sydny? Or…Cindy I guess."

She contemplated the question as we passed the mediwitch station. We were on the receiving end of glares, but I barely took notice. "Your father," she murmured.

I blinked. "What?"

"He had a case file from the night he apprehended the Executioner. Cindy Fevriello was mentioned along with the fact that she disappeared from her school in Italy. I put two and two together."

So my father knew who Sydny was when he came looking for her. Or at least I had to imagine he suspected. Yet another conspiracy floating in the air that was our tragic lives. "Oh" was all I could say, my heart growing with nothing but angst.

Keegan frowned, her brow furrowing. "Are you okay, James?" she whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh, shooting her a look. "What the hell do you think?"

I felt Keegan place her hand on my arm, but it felt a million miles away. The world slowly faded away as I thought back to my last moments with Sydny. Just like any other, they were filled with a snippy attitude and snarky comments. We had turned friendly at some point, but the snippiness and snarkiness never truly went away. When I had found out she was in England to protect me, I hadn't known what to expect. Even months later, I didn't know what to expect. I knew that Sydny may have never believed she had been doing a good job at her assignment, but I had always appreciated her for being there by my side through all the rough times I had stumbled across.

And then there was Sirius. I was supposed to hate him or be angry at him or something along those lines for what went down between him and Lily, but all I could think about was his unconscious body lying in a hospital bed and the anger merely disintegrated into guilt and heartbreak. I had been the one who was insistent on going after Lily when I knew perfectly well it was a suicide mission. But at the time, I hadn't thought about what could happen to us and only thought about what could happen to her. And now who know where fate would leave him. In an attempt to not think about it, I wondered what he thought in the last moments in that lakehouse. Did he think he would make it out alive? Was he actually there when Sydny died? How did he get out both himself and out alive? Why didn't he send a mass patronus for help?

My heart broke into two at the thought of Lily being tortured and brutalized in that attic for six hours. I had to rid the image of her emaciated, bloodied body from my mind because it was too horrible to even think about it. I didn't know what had happened in that attic but I wasn't so sure I ever wanted to know. I just wanted her to come out of this alive to know that our attempts at saving her were actually worth it. I needed to know she was okay. I needed her.

I felt the tears prickling the back of my eyes again and quickly blinked them away as I focused back on the waiting room in front of me, glancing down at Keegan. "Sydny died saving Lily," I murmured.

Keegan's brow furrowed. "How do you know that?"

"Sirius told us."

I could practically see her heart breaking at those words. "So…you talked to him at one point? Before…" she trailed off.

I let my mind wander back to the moment I had realized he was escaping the fire-ridden home with Lily in his arms. "Barely," I explained. "He…he was filled with so much smoke and fire and ash that he only just made it out of the house before the house went up in flames. The only words he said were that Sydny saved Lily and then…"

Silence filled the corridor, until she said, "He passed out."

Meeting her gaze, I nodded. "I-I want to be able to tell you that he'll be okay, but…" I didn't dare admit that when I first saw Sirius with black soot covering his entire body, not to mention the severe burn marks and bruises and broken limbs. I shut my eyes tightly, willing the images to disappear.

I slowly turned to her, my heart breaking at the sight of her own tears reflecting in her eyes. I reached out and wiped them away from underneath her eyes, but they just kept falling. I opened my mouth to say something comforting, but I knew in my heart there was nothing that could make either one of us feel better.

She couldn't speak as she turned her head away, staring down at her hands as she chipped at her fingernail, another tear sliding down her face. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him," she choked out.

I reached out and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, curling her into my body. She stiffened slightly before resting her head against my shoulder and letting herself weep. There was nothing else to be said. We stood there like that for the remainder of the morning hours, both of our minds running rampant with worry and concern. But in that moment, there was nothing else to do but worry.

So I held on to Keegan tightly and she settled into the side of my body and we waited. What we were waiting for, I couldn't be sure. For death? Life? Answers? Hope? None of it mattered anymore. Or maybe all of it did. Either way, all we could do was wait.

---

++KAY++

Scrimgeour pulled through. He had three signed authorization slips from the Chief of Healing at St. Mungo's approving the move of Lily, Sirius, and Alice from Hamadi's to St. Mungo's.

Problem was, the Healers at Hamadi's were completely against the idea.

"They shouldn't be moved at this time," Healer Stonebridge insisted, shaking his head vehemently. "It is far too risky. They're still all in precarious states. We don't even know the extent of their injuries. If we move-"

"The extent of their injuries will be determined by a team at St. Mungo's, headed up by me," Gawain Robards contested.

Stonebridge and two of his resident Healers plus Robards and Healer Fado from St. Mungo's were huddled in an empty patient room arguing about what was best for my three friends. I didn't know how Robards managed it, but he insisted I be involved in the details. It was probably his way of trying to get me in on privileged information so that my friends all hanging around the waiting room could stop yelling at random mediwitches, but whatever the reason was, I was grateful.

"Healer Robards, do you honestly think I'd be standing here in an attempt to disobey orders from your Chief of Healing if I didn't think this was a terrible idea?" Stonebridge sighed.

"If you just let us see their charts, we could determine ourselves if this is a terrible idea or not," he drawled.

Stonebidge hesitated before nodding. He turned to one of his colleagues. "Ask Mediwitch Teeger to summon the charts for Miss Evans, Mister Black, and Miss Fisher."

The man responded with a curt nod before disappearing.

"Give it to me straight, Liam," Gawain pleaded. "How bad are we talking here?"

I saw Healer Stonebridge's eyes flicker over to me slightly before saying, "It's been nearly eleven hours since they were brought in here, Gawain, and the conditions of Mister Black and Miss Fisher haven't shown any signs of improving. We are continuing to flush out smoke and ash from their lungs, proving just how much fire they had actually inhaled. Their organs are beginning to shut down. We are injecting them with adrenaline potions every hour to keep their heart beating in an attempt to keep the blood flowing, but these potions can only work for so long. We can barely see any brain activity and their pulses are weakening with every hour that passes."

Everything inside of me was screaming with defiance for what I was listening to, but I somehow managed to keep a straight face as Stonebridge spoke. If I didn't, I'd be kicked out of the room in an instant and once again left in the dark. So even though my heart was breaking and I could feel the tears threatening to form, I managed not to show it.

"And Miss Evans?"

He frowned hesitantly. "Most of the injuries we could see with her were strictly external and therefore easy to diagnose and mend. She had a broken leg that has been healed. Her arm was twisted and covered in gashes. It will take a few weeks for the skin to recultivate, but the bone has been reset. I don't know how it is possible that she didn't inhale just as much smoke as Mister Black did, but the flushing potion only needed to be administered twice to completely remove the smoke from her lungs."

"It sounds like she's in decent condition," Fado mused.

My heart soared at the possibility.

Stonebridge frowned, glancing towards the Healer. "I wish I could say that she was," he spoke softly, "Except her brain activity is next to nothing at this moment. She is exhibiting barely any signs of life."

Once again, my heart shattered into a state of darkness. "So what's blocking her from waking up is due to a psychological obstruction, not physical."

Stonebridge turned to me, and I cringed, realizing I had spoken those words aloud. "Yes, Miss Richards. Due to the injuries we tended to, it is clear that Miss Evans was physically abused for several hours. It is my opinion that those memories and the fear from that abuse that is keeping her from breaking out of her unconscious state."

Out of all three of them, that was the worst news. Because with physical injuries, there was always something more that could be done. More potions to prescribe. More tests to be done. More spells to cast. But with psychological injuries, there was nothing more a Healer could do. It was on the patient to decide if they wanted to live or die.

Based on the way Lily's life was going at the moment, I couldn't help but wonder if she was leaning towards the latter.

Stonebridge's colleague returned at that moment with three file folders. He handed them off to Robards and Fado, who spent the next few minutes scanning the details. When it looked like they were finished, they exchanged a single look before Robards turned back to Stonebridge. "I agree with your assessment that Mister Black and Miss Fisher shall not be moved at this time. But I have no reason to believe that Miss Evans couldn't be transferred to St. Mungo's as soon as possible."

"You want to separate them?" I blurted out.

Robards shot me a warning look before glancing back up at Stonebridge. "We can make that happen," Stonebridge spoke with a simple nod. Turning back towards his colleagues, he spoke, "Have Mediwitch Teeger arrange for the transport. Floo gate five should be available this morning." Glancing back up at Robards, "Who shall Miss Teeger be expected to contact at St. Mungo's to coordinate the relocation?"

"Mediwitch Delaney is on floo duty this morning. Galvin here can also be of assistance."

Stonebridge nodded once more to his colleagues who left the room with Galvin right on their heels.

"I don't mean to step on any toes here, but would you allow me to examine Mister Black and Miss Fisher while I am here?" Robards requested.

Stonebridge frowned, none too happy with that inquiry, but as he had no reason to turn him down, he nodded. "I will show you to their rooms."

Stonebridge barely nodded acknowledgement my way as he strode towards the door.

"I'll be right there," Gawain urged, encouraging the American Healer to leave the room. Stonebridge looked put out by the fact that he was being dismissed but said nothing as he shut the door behind him.

Turning to me, Gawain said, "I know this is not ideal, Kay, but-"

"Not ideal?" I snapped. "You're splitting them up! How is that going to help this situation in any way?"

"Because I do believe that Lily could get better care with us at St. Mungo's. We are the number one hospital in the wizarding world and we pride ourselves on our ability to monitor mental capacities during all states of injury. If I thought she was better off here, I wouldn't have insisted on transporting her."

"What about all of those studies that conclude patients who are surrounded by loved ones fighting for the same outcome have a stronger chance of prevailing?" I pleaded.

"Those are just theories," he urged. "I prefer to rely on actual medicine."

"This isn't going to go over well with everyone in the waiting room. Do you think any of them are going to want to travel back and forth between hospitals?"

He sighed. "Is that honestly a concern of yours?"

I frowned. "No," I murmured. "I just...I don't know." I turned away from him, the emotions becoming too much to bear.

I jumped when he placed his hand on my shoulder. "I know how hard that must have been to hear," he spoke softly. "I-I wouldn't have insisted you join us if I had known the extent of it."

"No, I'm glad you did," I pleaded. "I…I have no idea how I'm going to tell the hordes of people swarming the waiting room that the wait may come to an end sooner than they think and probably not in the direction they want it to, but-"

"You can't think like that," he urged, shaking his head. "There is no way to know what will happen to any of them."

My bottom lip trembled and I had to bite down on it to get it to stop. "Weren't you the one who said you prefer to rely on medicine?" I whispered. "Well the medicine in this case is basically telling us it's only a matter of time before my friends will no longer have the ability to hold on. So unless you have a better way of spinning it, that is exactly what everyone else is going to take away from it as well."

Gawain said nothing and I knew it was a lost cause. There was nothing else to say. Sirius, Alice, and Lily were no longer fighting for their lives. They were fighting to die. The only question was when.

Gawain left and I just sat in that room, trying to find the right words to convey to the swarm of worried people in the waiting room the graveness of the situation we were in without sounding completely cynical.

I came up completely blank.

So instead of going to them, I ended up sneaking back into Lance's room. When I creaked open the door, I saw Lance resting and the room was empty of visitors. I breathed a sigh of relief that his mother or his brothers or sister weren't there at the moment because if I saw them, I may have honestly burst into tears.

I tossed my purse on to an empty chair and sidled my way over to Lance's bed. He looked so peaceful, a slight tug of the lips stretching upward as if he was in on an inside joke that he wasn't willing to share with anyone.

Slowly, I climbed into bed with him, nestling up against him as I drastically tried to blink away the onset of tears.

I cringed when I felt him stir beside me. His eyes fluttered open, his smile widening as he saw me. "Hey there," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I opened my mouth to say hi back, but the only thing that came out was a sob.

He looked shocked as I brought my hands up to my face in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but he reached out and tugged them away, wrapping his arm around me and drawing me close to him. "Hey, shhh," he whispered, kissing my hair. "It's okay. You're okay."

"I'm not the one who's not okay," I croaked out, my tears splashing against his shirt.

He stiffened. "Who…who's not okay?" he whispered.

I said nothing, the sobs taking over my ability to speak. I was grateful when Lance said nothing, just stroking my hair and planting kisses along my hairline as his way of comforting me. I wish I could say it worked, but there was no form of comfort to relieve the prospect of losing my friends.

"I-I don't think they're going to make it," I finally whispered, pulling my face from Lance's shirt to look up at him.

His expression turned to shock, his face growing white. He said nothing, too stunned to form words. "But…" he sputtered out, the single syllable filling the room with a heavy despair.

As I dared to look him in the eye, I saw the heartache I was too afraid to see in everyone's eyes once I informed them of the gravity of the situation. There was no way around it. Three of our very best friends were potentially going to lose their lives in the next couple of days and there was nothing that the Healers could do. It was up to Sirius, Lily, and Alice to fight at this point. To move past their mental blocks and find the will to live. Accept the pain and fight through it. Heal in the only they can, with their friends and family around to support them.

As I continued to weep into my fiancé's shirt, I just prayed that that would be enough for them to pull through.

---

++REMUS++

You could hear a pin drop in that waiting room. Every single one of us were staring at Kay with a mixture of disbelief and defeat. We didn't want to believe it. I don't think any of us could wrap our heads around the words that were just spoken. Kay looked tortured, as if she wanted to be anywhere but there, and I didn't blame her. The news of the magnitude of Sirius, Lily, and Alice's injuries was demoralizing in every way.

"There's got to be something that can be done," James finally spoke, his voice cutting through the room quietly.

Kay met his gaze. "The only people that can do anything are Sirius, Lily, and Alice themselves."

"That's not good enough!" he roared.

"I know," she whispered. "But it's all I've got."

James picked himself up of his chair with clenched fists. "No!" he argued. "I…we can't just accept that as the final word! There's got to be something that the Healers can do."

I saw the tears pooling in Kay's eyes as she hung her head shamefully. "They've done everything they could, James," she whispered.

I watched the wheels turning in James' head at the implication of losing the girl he loved, his best friend, and one of his closest coworkers. We had already lost Sydny. We couldn't lose three more.

I had been trying to be strong up to this point, but the idea of losing Sirius seemed too much to bear. We were the Marauders. We had been inseparable since we were innocent eleven-year-olds. And as we grew and our innocence quickly faded into mischief, we stood strong. We had our rifts. We had moments where we let each other down, but we had always found our way back to each other. Because we were the Marauders!

Lily had become an honorary member of the Marauders at some point in the last four years. I had never seen her as James' girlfriend. She had always just been a friend to me. A good friend. A best friend. There were times when she and I would find ourselves talking over coffee or sharing a drink at Blarney's just the two of us and I cherished those moments. The idea that I may never share a coffee or a drink with her ever again was enough to break my heart into two.

Our lives didn't make sense without Sirius or Lily or even Alice. They were permanent fixtures in what we had all become. I couldn't say goodbye. I wouldn't.

"Why are they transferring Lily if they don't think she's in stable condition?" I questioned curiously.

Kay picked her head up to glance at me. "She is in stable condition," she murmured. "She's just not awake."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" James snapped.

Kay winced. "It means that her injuries have all been tended to. While Sirius and Alice had a lot of internal damage, most of Lily's injuries were external. They were severe but we all know that external wounds are a lot easier to heal. At this time, the only thing we're waiting on is for her mind to catch up with the rest of her body," she explained for a second time that morning.

I could only imagine what Lily would have witnessed from the moment she was kidnapped, so I couldn't say I was surprised she was blocking it all out. I just hoped that her will to live was stronger than her will to forget.

"When are they transferring Lily?" Mrs. Potter asked softly.

"As soon as they can."

The waiting room was regrettably silent, grief and heartache filling every inch of open space in the overly crowded waiting room. I was finding it near impossible to breathe, the thought of losing three friends difficult to bear. And I clearly wasn't the only one. James was just sitting there stoic and stunned, unable to move or say anything. Peter looked tortured. Mrs. Potter was crying silently and Mrs. Longbottom appeared to be praying. Drew was holding Dezzy tightly as she wept into his shirt. Mrs. Gilmore was missing, presumably in with Lance. Fabian and Frank were still in their rooms, though last I heard both would be able to be released within the next twenty-four hours. My heart broke at the thought of someone having to tell Frank his fiancée may not make it. Riley was surrounded by her brothers, all of them clearly unsure what to think or how to feel, though I swore I saw tears reflecting in Riley's eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Keegan pull herself off her chair and head down the hallway with tears streaming down her cheeks. And Kay just stood in front of all of us, clearly looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but there.

I had a feeling we all felt that way.

"Kay?"

We all looked up at the sound of Healer Fado's voice. "Er…" he murmured when he realized everyone was staring at him. Clearing his throat, he turned back to look at Kay. "Gawain was able to convince Healer Stonebridge to allow visitors for Mister Black and Miss Fisher."

Nearly every single one of us rushed out of our chairs with eagerness.

"Not all of you at once!" Fado said hastily, cringing when he realized his mistake in informing Kay in front of everyone. "Hospital policy dictates up to five visitors at one time."

Awkward silence filled the room as we all exchanged looks. "Has Gawain assessed Sirius and Alice yet?" Kay asked.

Fado frowned before nodding. "Yes, and he came up with the same conclusions that Healer Stonebridge has."

I could literally feel all of our hearts sink.

Fado left, leaving the rest of us to contemplate who got to visit Alice and Sirius first.

I was the first to speak. "Someone should tell Frank about Alice's condition first."

Silence once again followed, before Mrs. Longbottom spoke up. "I will," she urged. "He'll want to see her."

As she walked away, James asked, "Where's Keegan? She'll want to see Sirius."

"She walked off," I murmured.

Kay said, "I'd give her time."

Time wasn't exactly on our side, but I neglected to mention that.

"You guys should go in," Riley spoke up, nodding towards me, Peter, and James huddled in the corner together. "He'd want it to be you."

"No," James whispered. "He wouldn't want me in there."

"Yeah, he would," I urged, nudging him with my elbow. "C'mon."

James hesitated before shaking his head. "No, it's fine," he murmured. "You guys go ahead. I'm…I'm going to go find Keegan."

"James-"

But he was out of the chair and heading down the hallway before I could get a second word in. I had a strong suspicion that the idea of James having to see the state that Sirius was currently in was going to be impossible for him to deal with. He was already falling apart in front of our very eyes. Looking at Sirius could only break his already fragile heart. I knew he blamed himself for Sirius' unconscious state. I knew James felt that he was responsible for sending us all into a potential suicide mission. All he felt was guilt and confusion and pain. I wanted to be able to help him but I wasn't so sure I could.

I didn't know what I had been expecting as I wandered into Sirius' room with Peter on my heel, but my breath hitched at how frail Sirius looked. He had dark bruises and healed-over cuts all over his body and a bandage was wrapped around his head. His skin looked white as a sheet and an I.V. was hooked up into his arm, presumably for the countless potions they had to inject into his body.

"Maybe it was better not seeing him," Peter spoke hoarsely behind me.

I jumped, forgetting that someone else was there. "Yeah," I whispered. "He doesn't look good, does he."

He didn't respond, but I hadn't expected him to.

Slowly, I wandered over to Sirius, taking a seat in an empty chair beside his bed. He looked like a completely different person. Not the strong, joyful person I was used to, but a scared, darkened version of himself. I wanted to shake him, plead for him to wake up. I wasn't ashamed to admit that I needed him in my life. The Marauders were a foursome, not a threesome. We couldn't be the Marauders without him.

"He has to wake up," I murmured, shaking my head. "He just has to."

If only just saying those words was enough.

---

++JAMES++

Lily was transported to St. Mungo's later that afternoon and I made the decision to go with her along with Kay, mostly because if I stayed someone would have insisted I go in and see Sirius and I wasn't ready to do that. I was barely holding it together at this point and the moment I would have seen Sirius lying in that hospital bed was the moment I would have completely unraveled. He had made the ultimate risk by saving Lily in a house that was falling apart. He had little backup and Sydny was killed. It had just been him in a fiery pit of death. And yet he somehow pulled through to get himself and Lily out. Lily would be dead right now without him. The idea that he may not wake up was too unbearable to even imagine.

I thought about the last words I had spoken to him. Or yelled at him. In that moment, I thought he had deserved them. And maybe a small part of me still believed he did. But not forgiving him for sleeping with Lily was nothing compared to how I would never forgive him if he died saving her. His life wasn't worth any less than hers. Maybe I had given him reason to believe that, but I prayed he would wake up so that I could kill him for actually believing it. A part of me couldn't just let go of the grudge I felt for him, but that didn't mean I had to hate him anymore. No matter what any of us were going through, he would always be a Marauder. We would always be the Marauders. But we could only be the Marauders with him. Without him, we were nothing.

Lance and Frank were released from Hamadi's and Frank immediately went into Alice's room and hasn't left. Fabian still had to stay for another night, much to his chagrin. None of us realized just how bad off he was, but internal injuries were a lot more difficult to heal than external ones and the Cruciatus Curses had critically weakened his heart. The rest of the Gilmore clan all left once Lance was released. Remus and Peter were still at Hamadi's and last I heard, my mother was in with Sirius. Keegan still hadn't been able to bear the idea of entering Sirius' room so she had been hiding out in the waiting room. So that left me to go with Kay to St. Mungo's.

I had spent most of the day pacing the corridors alone in St. Mungo's as the Healers reexamined Lily. It took a lot longer than I had expected, but in the end, there was no change to her condition. Kay went to complete paperwork and left me standing outside Lily's room, unable to actually open the door and walk in. I felt frozen with fear, my mind running rampant with the possible outcome of Lily's diagnosis. If she didn't wake up, my last words with her would have been those of betrayal and hatred. I didn't want things to end that way. They couldn't end that way.

When I wasn't thinking about our last conversation, I was thinking about the torment she must have endured with the Death Eaters. It tore my heart apart to think about what she must have gone through that had her so willing to surrender her life instead of live it. I felt the tears prickling the sides of my eyes and I blinked them away, knowing that if I let a single tear slip through I'd probably never stop.

"Are you planning on opening that door anytime soon?"

I jumped, glancing over my shoulder at the sound of Kay's voice.

"I…I should go to Hamadi's and tell the others that she's been reexamined and there's been no change."

Kay shot me a look. "Stop stalling," she whispered. "She needs you right now."

"I-I'm not so sure that's true."

She came up behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. "James," she whispered, "she is blocking out the real world as a way of forgetting the trauma she endured. The only way she's going to fight past it and wake up is by knowing she has something to live for. Talk to her. It will help."

Slowly, I shook my head. "I'm the last person she'd want to hear."

"Or maybe you're the only person she wants to hear."

I turned to Kay to argue, but she was already walking away.

I wanted to go in and see her, but everything inside of me was frozen outside that door. I was afraid of what I might see. The image of her frail, damaged body coming out of the burning house was engrained in my mind forever. I wasn't so sure I was ready to see another frail version of herself.

But Sirius was lying unconscious in a hospital bed across the Atlantic because he risked his life to save hers. And she needed to know that her life was worth living. And if Sirius couldn't be there to convince her, I was going to try my hardest to do it for him.

Walking in through the door slowly, my eyes settled on the fragile redhead lying helplessly in the hospital bed.

I wasn't surprised when I felt the burning of tears in my eyes. Her skin was as white as a ghost and her body was adorned with slightly healed-over cuts and scarce burn marks. She looked battered and rundown, a version of Lily I had never known before.

Feeling shame, I tried not to place the blame on myself. I tried not to feel the weight of the world crushing down on my shoulders for the pain I inflicted on the only girl I've ever loved. I tried to give myself a break. But the only reason she had ever been attacked was because she had loved me. That's all she did. It wasn't fair to her that she had this huge target on her back because of me. She deserved so much better. But even after I tried to give her better, it made no difference. She was still on Voldemort's Hit List and so much of me wanted to take back the past couple of months. At least I would have spent them with her. At least I would have loved her. And she, me. We could have been happy, even with the war hanging over our heads. If had given us the opportunity to be happy, she wouldn't have spent the last few months hating me and I wouldn't have spent them letting her.

I wish I knew what I could say to her to make up for the pain that had been caused if she were to wake up, but my mind was blank. Maybe it was my way of not wanting to get my hopes up that she could come out of this alive. Maybe I was bracing for the inevitable.

Or maybe I was just too afraid to find out what she'd have to say to me.

"I'm probably the last person you'd expect to be standing here," I found myself murmuring. "But I just need you to know that you have a lot of people rooting for you. A lot of people who love you and need you to wake up. I'm begging you to find the courage to come out of this alive. Because we need you." I felt a tear slide down my face as I realized just how much I missed her. I didn't brush it away, knowing it would be followed by another. "Because I need you," I whispered, my voice cracking.

With nothing else to say or do, I simply reached for her hand and squeezed it, praying to anyone who would listen to give Lily the will to live.

Someone must have been listening because the unthinkable happened.

She squeezed my hand back.

I jumped out of the chair, my eyes widening with shock. "Lily?" I whispered frantically, squeezing her hand once again.

Nothing happened and I thought for a second that maybe I had imagined her squeezing my hand back, until she suddenly stirred. And seconds later, her eyes slowly fluttered open.

A sob of joy escaped my lips and it took everything inside of me not to reach out and embrace her. "Lily," I whispered again, placing both my hands over hers and squeezing hard.

I saw her swallow hard as she opened her mouth in an attempt to speak. "Hi" was all she said.

The single word filled my heart with intense relief. "I don't think the word 'hi' has ever sounded so good," I spoke, instinctively reaching out and brushing her hair from her face.

She jerked away from my touch. "Don't…don't touch me," she whispered, shuddering.

I frowned anxiously. "Lily-"

"What…" she trailed off, clearly trying to wrap her head around what was going on. Her eyes trailed towards the ceiling. "What are you doing here?"

Of all the things I was expecting her to say, that hadn't made the list. "Er…what?"

Her eyes slanted skeptically before she shook her head. "Nothing," she murmured, settling her head back against the pillow with a sigh.

I frowned, sensing her intense displeasure. I didn't know what to say or even do. "I'm so glad you're okay," I whispered, expressing the only thought running through my mind.

She said nothing, but I could see the tears collecting in the sides of her eyes. "Right," she muttered, her jaw clenching.

She looked so discouraged, something I hadn't been expecting. Confused, maybe. Grateful to be alive, yes. But not discouraged.

"Sydny," she blurted out with a gasp when I said nothing.

I froze, meeting her grief-stricken face. "Yeah," I murmured, settling back into the chair.

Tears blurred across her green eyes. "It was Voldemort."

I sat up quickly, looking at Lily hesitantly. "What?"

She frowned hesitantly. "The…the night's a bit of a blur, but that part I'll never forget."

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I had been waiting for answers since the moment we fled from the Black lakehouses, but hearing the truth now made me wonder if I was better off in the dark. "Voldemort was there?" I whispered hoarsely.

A tear slid down her cheek as she offered me a curt nod. She said nothing, her eyes burning with regret. She glanced back at the ceiling, and I was very aware that she was trying to look anywhere but at me. My heart twisted with remorse at how much pain she was still in from the memories of that day. I had my own feelings of angst when I thought about it, and I could imagine that she felt a thousand times worse.

"Sirius…" she trailed off hesitantly. "He was the one who saved me, right?"

I could only nod.

Her bottom lip trembled as she dared to look over at me. "Is he okay?" she choked out.

A lump formed in my throat at the question. I opened my mouth to respond, but the words wouldn't form. How could I tell her that the guy who risked his life to save hers may have paid the ultimate price to do so? "I…I should go find Kay," I murmured cowardly, getting up off the chair and heading towards the door.

"What happened to him?" she pleaded.

I was almost out the door when her words stopped me. Slowly turning around, I faced her. "He's…he's unconscious," I whispered.

She had little to no reaction at my words. She just stared at the ceiling as if she hadn't heard me or hadn't wanted to hear me. Finally, she said, "Okay." And without another word, she turned on her side so her back was facing me.

"Lily-"

"Just go get Kay," she pleaded.

I wanted to be able to say something to provide the situation with just a bit of reassurance, but the gravity warranted nothing but desolation. So I said nothing as I turned to walk out the door. Shutting it behind me, I leaned up against it with a heavy sigh as I shut my eyes tightly.

"Finally went in, hm?"

My eyes fluttered open as I focused in on Kay. "She's awake," I whispered.

She froze. "Wh-what?"

"She woke up," I murmured.

Her eyes grew wide. "She's…I mean…what?"

"She's awake, Kay," I muttered through gritted teeth. "She said Voldemort murdered Sydny and then she asked about Sirius. Someone should talk to her about what happened. She may have some answers."

"Why not you?"

I frowned, shaking my head. "No," I whispered. "I…I can't."

"James-"

"She doesn't want to talk to me," I added hastily, the words hitting me hard. Just because so much has happened within the past twenty-four hours didn't change the way we left things. I hurt Lily, she hurt me, and when I tried going after her, she left before I could say a single word. Nothing had changed. And there wasn't anything I could say or do that could change them. "I…I shouldn't have been the first one she saw when she woke up. I…I just need to go."

I tried walking off, but Kay reached out and grabbed my arm. "Hey, what's wrong?"

It was a damned good question. I should have been elated that Lily was awake, but instead I was feeling a sudden pressure in my heart that felt a lot like regret. "I…I went after Lily yesterday before she was supposed to leave for Philadelphia," I murmured. "I ran to the Ministry to catch her before she flooed."

Kay's eyebrow shot up. "You did?"

I nodded reluctantly. "She looked up at me, said she was sorry, and left for the American Ministry. And that was that."

Kay's brow furrowed. "You didn't say anything?"

I sighed. "No," I murmured. "She left before I could get the chance."

She frowned hesitantly. "So…are you upset with her?"

"No," I was quick to argue, shaking my head. "I mean, I was at the time, but…it doesn't even matter anymore. What happened, happened. And right now, I'm not the person she wants to be dealing with. She's already going through so much. The last thing she needs is me hanging around making her feel uncomfortable or confused."

Kay cocked her head to the side skeptically, her eyes narrowing at me. "Or are you the one feeling uncomfortable and confused hanging around her?"

I frowned. "I-I don't know what to say to her," I choked out.

"You don't have to say anything," she said softly, reaching out and placing her hand on my arm. "You just have to be there."

She didn't want me there. She had made that clear the day before when she left without saying anything. Just because she was kidnapped and just because Sydny died and just because Alice and Sirius were unconscious didn't change the fact that that moment in the Ministry was the moment we had both let ourselves say good-bye to each other. Maybe I wished I could change it, but it was evident she didn't.

"I'm going to floo back to Hamadi's and tell the others that Lily is okay," I muttered without acknowledging Kay's words. I turned to walk away.

Once again, she grabbed my arm. "That's what owls are for," Kay insisted.

"Please, Kay," I begged desperately. "Just let me go."

She frowned and reluctantly let go of my arm. "Okay," she spoke softly, "But James, putting what happened yesterday between you two aside, Lily nearly died. Doesn't that mean something to you?"

The words were a bit of a slap to the face, the bluntness striking a chord in my already fragile heart. Of course it meant something. It meant that she would get to continue living the life she deserved. It meant I could get the chance to talk to her and smooth things over. It meant I could continue loving her. It meant we had a chance to figure things out.

But none of that was what she wanted. And it was about damned time I gave her what she wanted.

Sighing, I muttered, "Yeah, it means our efforts to save her yesterday weren't completely in vain."

I turned and walked away before Kay could say another word.

---

++REMUS++

Mrs. Potter was in with Sirius currently as Peter and I camped out in the waiting area. Keegan was nowhere to be found, but I wondered how long she would be able to stay away before going into Sirius' room.

Glancing at the clock, I realized it was nearly nine o'clock at night and I couldn't recall the last time I had bothered to eat something. I didn't have much of an appetite, all of my energy forced into worrying about three people I cared about. Sirius was a corpse of burn marks. The only way Lily would come out of this alive was if she wasn't completely scarred from her horrible experience against the Death Eaters. Alice looked like a fragile doll just ready to break. It would be a miracle for all three of them to come out of this alive.

I was shaken from my thoughts of them when Peter nudged me. Glancing over at him, I saw him gesturing down the hallway. My brow furrowed when I saw James strolling towards us. "James," I greeted, confused. "What…what are you doing here? I thought you were going to stay at St. Mungo's?"

He frowned, dropping on to the couch opposite us. "Lily woke up," he murmured, the defeat evident in his eyes.

I let out an audible gasp. "What? She's…she's actually awake?"

James nodded, not nearly with the enthusiasm I should have expected. Frowning, I said, "Is there some sort of lingering damage?"

"No. At least I don't think so. She seemed stable," he said with a shrug, resting his head against the back of the couch cushion.

I shared a glance with Peter who looked just as confused as I did at his numb weariness. "Er…so why don't you seem pleased with the idea of her being awake?"

He shook his head. "Of course I'm pleased. I'm just…" he trailed off, his eyes glazing over jadedly. "Nothing's changed. Nothing at all."

Glancing over at Peter, he merely shrugged, clearly just as dumbfounded as I was. "Exactly what is that supposed to mean?" I inquired.

James slumped down on the couch, resting his head against the back of the couch cushion. "It means I went after her yesterday and she said nothing. She still left. And I stayed behind."

"James, that was like a million years ago," Peter argued.

James frowned, shaking his head. "No, it was yesterday," he whispered.

The hairs on my arms stood up at the realization that only a day had gone by since the American battle. It certainly felt like much longer. "Did you talk to her, Prongs?" I asked.

"Barely," he muttered. "But enough was said to make me realize I shouldn't have been the one there when she woke up. She didn't want me there."

"James-"

"How's Sirius doing?"

I sighed. He clearly didn't want to discuss it. And frankly, I was too exhausted to try. "No change," I muttered, climbing out of my chair. "I'm going to see Lily. Am I assuming you won't be joining?"

James frowned before shaking his head. "No, I'll stay here."

"James-"

"Where's Keegan?"

I was getting annoyed with him cutting me off, but I answered him anyway. "I don't know. Somewhere in the hospital."

James rolled his eyes. "How specific."

"She won't go in to see him," I muttered, shrugging. "Every time someone suggests it, she finds a reason to walk away. Maybe you could talk some sense into her?"

James hesitated before shaking his head. "Why would I force someone to walk into a room to see someone they care about lying unconscious in a bed with the possibility that they'll never wake up? Why would I force someone to subject themselves to that? To have their heart broken watching someone they care about lie there helplessly?"

My brow furrowed. "Are we still talking about Sirius or are you now referring to Lily?"

He shot me a look. "I'm going to go look for her," he snapped, rushing out of the chair and shoving past me.

As he strolled down the hallway, I glanced down at Peter with a sigh. "Look after him, won't you?"

Peter frowned. "I'll try."

---

++KAY++

"Lily," I breathed with relief as I whisked into the room with Gawain right on my heels.

She was facing the window, her back to us, and barely acknowledged us.

"Hi, Lily," Gawain spoke softly, walking around the bed to the other side to face her. "How are you feeling?"

She merely shrugged.

I couldn't help but frown at the clear defeat she was feeling.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Slowly, Lily sat up and I noticed she was trembling. "Please don't make me," she whispered.

I shuddered helplessly, not sure I wanted to know what could have possibly happened to her to make her so scared and timid.

Gawain merely smiled. "You don't have to tell me anything," he urged. "How about I tell you what I know?"

Lily stiffened. "What do you mean?"

"You've been through the ringer," he spoke bluntly. "Your body was covered in deep lacerations and bruises. Your right leg was broken in two places, and both of your wrists were severely sprained. You were quite malnourished and your bones were brittle because of it. You had some smoke in your lungs but not as much as I ever would have expected from fiendfyre. So it's clear that you went through a lot yesterday, but my only conclusion is that you are incredibly lucky because all of these injuries were easy for our team to treat. It could have been so much worse."

I saw the darkness settle into Lily's eyes as she glared up at him. "You…you think I'm lucky?" she growled, her voice heavy with disgust. "No offense, Healer Robards, but you…you weren't there. No one was there. No one will ever know what I went through except myself, those Death Eaters, and Voldemort. I shouldn't even be here. I should be dead. But does that make me lucky? No, it just makes me alive."

I couldn't stop the tears from sliding down my cheeks as she spoke, her words full of contempt. "Lily" was all I could say.

She shot me a glare before turning back to Gawain. "If you want to use medical terms on me right now, I can't stop you. But don't spout hopeful conjectures when you don't know a goddamned thing about what went down yesterday."

This wasn't the Lily knew. This Lily was angry and hostile. She was a robot of expressionless guilt. But she had been tortured endlessly. So I guess she got to be a different version of herself now. A suffering version of herself. I just hoped she could eventually get back to who she used to be.

Gawain grew apologetically quiet as he looked at my best friend. He finally said, "You are stable, Miss Evans. All of your injuries have been tended to as it was evident they were mainly external. There was little internal damage that we could diagnose. You had some damage to your lungs which has been flushed out, and you had some internal bleeding, which was subsided almost immediately. Your last workup showed no signs of any lingering damages at this time. I am going to send Fado in to do a checkup now that you're awake to ensure we haven't missed anything, but my guess is he will agree with me that we will just want to keep you here for another day for observation. So with that said, I honestly can't see any reason you couldn't be released Wednesday morning."

"That early?" I blurted out in shock. Only one day in the hospital after all of her injuries?

Gawain turned to me with a curt nod before glancing back down at Lily. "I understand that you went through something traumatic, Miss Evans, and I get that I may not be the right person to talk to. We do have a full staff of therapists if you wish to-"

"No."

I frowned. "Lily-"

"No," she snapped, glaring at me. "I'm fine. I just want to get the hell out of here. Go get Fado. The quicker he does this checkup thing, the sooner you'll know when I can actually be released, right?"

Gawain nodded slowly. "Yes," he spoke softly.

"Then go get him," she pleaded, resting her head against her pillow with an irritated sigh.

Gawain said nothing more as he turned and left.

I turned to face Lily. "Talk to me, Lily," I pleaded. "What happened?"

She shook her head. "I really don't want to discuss it, Kay."

I frowned. How could I help her if she wasn't going to let me? "Lily-"

"Please, Kay, just…just let it go," she pleaded, shutting her yes tightly. "I don'twant to talk about it. I…I just can't. Please. Not to Healer Robards and not to you. Not to anybody. I just want to forget and move on. Can't you understand that?"

I felt the tears collecting in my eyes once again. She was so defeated and helpless, unlike I have ever seen in her before. I couldn't imagine what she had gone through. The endless torture and mistreatment she must have endured from who knows how many Death Eaters. I couldn't even focus on it, the thought too horrifying to imagine. All I tried to focus on was the fact that she was alive.

"I'm so glad you're alive, Lily," I blurted out between tears. "I…I don't know what I would have done if I lost you."

Glancing at me, I recognized hollow gloom in her once-effervescent green eyes. "I should have died," she drawled coolly.

"Please stop saying that," I pleaded.

She shrugged. "You know why I'm supposedly lucky, Kay?" she snapped. "Because Sirius fucking Black risked his own life for mine. And he shouldn't have done it. That house was crumbling. The fire had taken over and neither one of us should have made it out of there. He shouldn't have come back for me."

"If he hadn't, you wouldn't be here."

"Yes, but he would!" she shouted, and I cringed at the anger in her voice. I saw the tears glistening in her eyes and watched as her anger dissipated into nothing but guilty sorrow. "He…he should be here."

I instinctively reached out to embrace her, and was shocked when she pushed me away. "Don't," she pleaded, outstretching her arm to put a divide between us. "Just…can you please just go, Kay?"

I felt so helpless and lost knowing that my best friend was struggling and there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. I didn't know what she was thinking or feeling and it was evident she didn't want me to know. She was going to continue to internalize the pain she had gone through without expressing the details. The worst part was, I didn't blame her. Being a mediwitch, I came across a lot of medical cases to do with torture or abuse and most of the time, the involved party didn't want to talk about it as an attempt to forget about it. But in every single case, I quickly learned that they'll never actually forget. It was always going to be with them.

And now my best friend was one of those cases. I should be able to know what to say or do to help her, but I didn't. It was different talking to someone I barely knew. Knowing that my best friend was tortured and left for dead was heartbreaking. So instead of sticking around to attempt to help Lily, I obliged to her request. Not because she wanted me to. But because it hurt too much looking at her.

"Okay," I said, heading towards the door.

"Kay?"

I hesitated at the door, glancing at her hopefully. "Yeah?"

She looked uncomfortable as she murmured, "Can you restrict all guest access to my room?"

My heart plummeted into my stomach. "You…you don't want visitors?"

She shook her head. "No," she whispered hoarsely. "I don't want to talk to anybody."

I knew in that moment that she was in more pain than she would ever truly admit. "Lily…" I couldn't even say anything more than that because I didn't know what to say.

"Just do it."

The tears pooled in my eyes as I simply nodded and turned around, shutting the door behind me quickly as I let the sobs completely overtake me. I slid down the wall outside her room, burying my face in my hands as I cried for my best friend.

"Kay?"

I jumped, peeking my eyes out from behind my hands as Remus crouched down in front of me. "Remus," I whispered breathlessly, swiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, placing his arm on mine as he took a seat beside me.

Slowly, I shook my head as the tears fell from my eyes once again. "No," I choked out. "I'm not okay because my best friend isn't okay. She's…she's blaming herself for what happened to Sirius and she was fucking tortured but doesn't want to think about it or talk about it. She's completely shut down. She's not Lily."

I let myself succumb to the waterfall of tears once again, drawing my knees into my body and burying my head into my knees.

I felt Remus wrap his arm around my shoulders and curl me into his body, whispering, "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

I couldn't help but think that he was wrong. Nothing was okay. And nothing would be okay. Not after the past twenty-four hours.

"She doesn't want visitors," I moaned.

His arms stiffened around me. "What?"

"She asked me to restrict access to her room. She doesn't want to see or talk to anyone."

"But…" was all he could say. Because what else was there to say?

"I know," I whispered, resting my head against his shoulder as my tears slowly faded. "What do we do, Remus?"

He said nothing, setting his head against the wall with a sigh. "I-I think we have to let her deal with this on her own."

My bottom lip trembled. "I was afraid you were going to say that."

---

++LANCE++

When Kay got home, I knew immediately something was wrong. I was making dinner in the kitchen when she wandered in.

"Hey, I hope you're in the mood for chili," I had said, glancing up at her. I dropped the spoon into the pot just looking at her face. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, dropping into a chair at the kitchen table. "Lily's awake."

My eyes widened with excitement. "She's…she's awake?"

She nodded.

She seemed less than happy about this. "What's wrong, Kay?" I asked, shutting off the burner and wandering over to the table where she sat.

When she glanced up at me, I saw tears glistening in the bottom of her eyelids. "She's really hurting," she whispered. "And she won't let anyone help her."

I pulled her out of the chair and curled my arms around her. "Oh, Kay," I murmured, burying my lips into her hair. "Give her time."

She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist as the tears continued sliding down her cheeks. "I was so scared of losing her," she spoke, her voice barely audible. "And now that she's alive, my big fear is that maybe I've still lost her."

"Don't say that," I urged, pulling away from her and staring into her concerned eyes. "Kay, she's been through a lot. You know that. You've seen this before and-"

"But never from my best friend!" she argued, pushing herself out of my arms. She wandered over to the stove, her back on me as she attempted to catch her breath. "She has to be okay."

"And she will," I urged, propping myself up against the table. "Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she'll come back from this."

She whirled around to glare at me. "She nearly died, Lance. Hell, she probably should have! She was brutally tortured for hours. I…I don't know exactly what went down, but I have a guess and it's not pretty."

"I know," I said calmly. "But I think what we all need to do is stop focusing on what happened yesterday and focus on moving on. When we're all able to do that ourselves, maybe Lily will be able to as well."

When she met my gaze, I saw gratitude resting in her eyes. She wandered back over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and kissing me. "You always seem to know exactly what to say," she whispered, pressing her forehead to mine.

I smiled at that, kissing her nose. "I-I know yesterday was rough for all of us. And I know we still don't really have a clue what's going to happen to Sirius or Alice. And Lily is still very much in pain whether or not she'll admit it. But we're still here. We're still here to fight another day. It may not be enough, but it's all we've really got right now."

A sad smile broke out across her face. "You know I love you, right?"

I chuckled, nodding. "I had a hunch," I teased.

Her arms tightened around my shoulders as she embraced me. I held her close, stroking her hair as we just stood there. She said nothing and neither did I. Because what else was there to be said? I just held her in my arms, giving her the only form of comfort I knew I could in that moment.

It was times like these I realized just how much I loved her. She was the one that got me through the bad times. No matter how difficult the days got, I knew everything would be okay because I got to go home to her. There was a war going on around us and it had taken the lives of several people we loved and cared about. And we didn't know who else the war might take from us. So all we could do was enjoy the moments we still had left to cherish. And that included this moment right here and any other moment I got to spend with the girl I was madly in love with.

"Hey, Kay?" I murmured.

"Hm?"

"You know I love you, too, right?"

She smiled. "I had a hunch."

---

++JAMES++

I was beyond shocked to find out that Lily was being released from the hospital a day and a half later. I tried arguing with Healer Robards that there wasn't any possible way she could be tortured on one day and just three days later she could be released from the hospital, but he insisted that every single one of her injuries, while originally deep and destructive, were also superficial and easily mendable. There wasn't any reason to expect any lingering damages, so they released her Wednesday morning.

The morning of Sydny's funeral.

It was the first time we all tore ourselves away from Hamadi's or St. Mungo's. Fabian was finally released the night before, so the only ones that were missing from the funeral-goers were Sirius and Alice.

I don't even remember what was said. Moody spoke about the pride he felt for her and all of the good she did for the war. Scrimgeour said a few bland words that overall meant nothing. Even Dumbledore got up and was his usual reflective and prolific self.

But it all went in one ear and out the other. None of it seemed to matter. Sydny was dead, Sirius and Alice were still unconscious, and no one had spoken to Lily since she woke up.

The world seemed liked a dark place of vast gloom. I mean, it had always been like that, but today more than ever, it just seemed like a dark cloud was hovering over all of our heads and it would never disperse.

I was awaken from my depressing thoughts at the realization that everyone was standing up. The ceremony must have been over. Glancing at Remus beside me, he said, "It was a good ceremony."

He clearly knew I hadn't been paying any attention.

I simply nodded, and stood up, piling out of the pew behind the others.

"Can we…" Remus hesitated behind me.

Glancing over my shoulder, I looked at him inquisitively. "Can we what?"

He frowned, glancing around at the group of people surrounding us. Frank was there looking battered, though I couldn't be sure if that was because of Sydny or Alice. Or both. Fabian was waiting at the end of the pew with Drew and Dezzy. Peter was behind Remus. I didn't even remember seeing Peter sneak in. Lance and Kay were holding on to one another in the pew directly behind us. Keegan had been there briefly, but she had disappeared at some point during the ceremony and I had a feeling she was heading back to Hamadi's finding that easier to deal with than a funeral.

"Can we just use today to remember the good things about her instead of just focusing on all the bullshit?" Remus pleaded.

We all fell silent, the request seeming too good to be true, before Fabian finally spoke. "I think that sounds like a pretty damned good idea."

"Blarney's?" Lance suggested.

We all nodded except for Frank. "I-I think I should get back to Alice," he murmured, though I could tell he wasn't necessarily excited to go back to hanging around a hospital waiting for news he wasn't sure he wanted.

"Come to Blarney's," Kay insisted, stepping out of Lance's hold and linking her arm with Frank. "I have every Healer and mediwitch on their watch sending me an owl the moment anything changes."

He frowned hesitantly, but nodded. "Let's go to Blarney's."

We all headed out of the church. I was about to apparate when a flash of red caught the corner of my eye. Turning to my right, I saw Lily hovering against the side of the church. I felt everything inside of me freeze as I let my gaze linger on her. I hadn't spoken to her since I had originally been there when she woke up. Remus attempted to talk to me about her, but I refused to listen. I hadn't wanted to talk or even think about her. It was all too devastating. Everything inside of me was soaring with gratitude that she was alive, but did any of it even make a difference? I still went after her and she still left without hearing what I had to say. We were still those two people.

But when I saw here sitting alone outside the church, my heart tugged in her direction.

"Er…you guys go on ahead," I murmured, turning to Remus. "I'll be right there."

"James-"

But I was wandering in the opposite direction before he could ask what I was doing.

She hadn't seen me come up behind her as she perched on the bench with her head facing into the ground. "Lily."

She stiffened, looking up at me. "I'm not in the mood, James."

"I-I just thought you may want to know that we're all heading to Blarney's. To…" I trailed off. "I don't know. To celebrate Sydny's life I suppose. You're welcome to join."

She frowned. "Celebrate?" she scoffed.

I shrugged. "Yeah."

She looked repulsed by that mere suggestion. Shaking her head, she opened her mouth to clearly voice her opinion. But she slowly closed it, thinking better of it. "How's Sirius doing?" she blurted out.

I winced. "No change," I whispered.

Her jawline grew rigid. "Of course not," she muttered coolly. She stood up from the bench and proceeded to head in the opposite direction.

"Please don't walk away," I called out after her, my voice filled with desperation.

She stopped, slowly turning around to face me. "Why not?" she sighed. "That was the plan, wasn't it? I was supposed to walk away. From this life and this world. Leave it all behind."

"Lily-"

"Leave you behind," she grunted, meeting my gaze with her hard eyes. "That was the fucking plan. I wasn't supposed to be kidnapped. I wasn't supposed to be held against my will for hours. You weren't supposed to gather up a crowd of people in an attempt to save me. That wasn't the plan. The plan was for me to get away from you."

My heart sank into my stomach. "Lily-"

"Not just once, but twice you come after me. Twice, after I said good-bye to you. Good-bye to us. Why do you keep coming after me?"

"Because I love you," I blurted out, letting out a slight wince after I realized I said those words aloud.

She took a step back in hesitant shock. Her eyes widened for mere seconds before they withered into slits of ice. "Well, stop," she snarled, shaking her head before whirling around and hightailing it down the lawn.

"I can't just turn that off!" I cried out after her.

She didn't turn back, so I let out a frustrated grunt and went after her.

"LILY!" I exclaimed, the irritation in my voice obvious.

She whirled around to glare at me. "Stop coming after me, James! I walked away from you once. And I'm walking away from you now. How aren't you getting the hint?"

Ouch.

"Because I don't really think walking away is what you want!"

Her eyes softened slightly before the frustration settled in once again. "You don't know anything about what I want," she scowled before once again turning around and storming off.

"I know you want to could go back to Sunday and never get into that fireplace!" I cried out desperately. She froze, but didn't turn around. I continued softly, "Not for me but for Sirius and Sydny and Alice. And I know you feel guilty for what happened to Sydny and that's why you sat in the back today hidden away from everyone. I know you didn't want any visitors in the hospital because you feel responsible for what happened. I know that a part of you is happy to be alive, but another larger part of you wishes it was you still unconscious in a hospital bed while Sirius and Alice were here. And I know that you must have been through something terrible on Sunday. So terrible that-"

"No, you don't know," she snarled, finally turning around to glare at her. "You weren't there. No one was there. It was just me and the bloody Death Eaters and Voldemort himself. I left you behind, James. I walked away from you. I didn't even say goodbye when you came after me. I didn't want to talk to you then and I don't want to talk to you now!"

"You don't want to talk to anyone," I whispered pleadingly. "You're shutting yourself off from all the people that care about you. We just want to be here for you, that's all."

It was frightening how quickly the anger filtered into her expression. "Are you bloody kidding me, Potter?" she snarled, her eyes blazing with fire. "You're preaching to me about not shutting people about? You, who shut out the entire goddamned world for the past few months!?"

I clamped my mouth shut regretfully, cowering with guilt. "You're right," I whispered. "I shouldn't be telling anyone how to live their life. But I guarantee that you don't want to end up like me."

I expected her to agree with me, but glancing down at her, I was surprised to see remorseful tears billowing in the corner of her eyes. "What you don't seem to get," she whispered, a tear spilling out quickly followed by another, "What you've never seemed to get, is that even with your flaws and even with the mistakes you've made, you're still the guy who I fell in love with. There are far worse things in the world than the possibility of turning out like you."

Well, if anything was going to shock me that day, that certainly did. "What?" I sputtered.

Her bottom lip trembled. "Believe me," she whispered, "I'd much rather be you than me right now."

And as if that even remotely was the end to our conversation, she turned around and started to walk away again. But there was no way I was going to let her go on that somber note. "What are you talking about?" I called out. "Why don't you want to be you?"

She said nothing, hastening her step down the lawn.

"Lily," I cried out after her, frustration in my voice. "WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT!?"

I raced after her but before I could grab ahold of her arm, I heard a quick pop and suddenly she was gone.

I knew in my heart that whatever happened to her on Sunday must have been so bad that she wished she could be anyone but herself. She'd even rather be me, who a part of her still probably resented for everything I've done to her.

It just broke my heart even more knowing just how broken hers was.

---

++LILY++

I should have died in that house. It should have been me. The Death Eaters and Voldemort had made that pretty clear. They tortured me and beat me and weakened me in every way. I wasn't me anymore. I was a broken version of me that couldn't get the memories of Sunday out of my head.

Sydny sacrificed herself for me. Sirius risked his life to save mine. Alice was lying unconscious because Sirius dragged her into whatever ridiculous plan he and Sydny had. All because I was a mere pawn in Voldemort's plan. Sunday was nothing but a day of backfired, dangerous plans where the outcomes didn't go anyone's intended way. And somehow I came out of it alive and Sydny was dead and my friends thought my life was worth more than theirs. But it wasn't. Not after Sunday. Not after becoming a broken version of myself.

So why would anyone want to be me?

I'd take James' burdens over mine any day.

---

++FRANK++

"She didn't deserve this," Fabian murmured, shaking his head as he stared into his empty glass. "She was such a great Auror. Hell, a great person."

A feeble smile etched into my expression. "James didn't think so when they first met," I said, chuckling at the memory.

"Ah, when Sydny called Lily inflatable!" Remus reminded, earning a round of laughter at the table.

"Yeah, he wasn't exactly her biggest fan," Fabian agreed, shaking his head. "The ridiculous bickering matches those two had. I'm pretty sure they fought just to fight."

"They were like an old married couple sometimes, I swear," Lance agreed. "I'm pretty sure their days weren't complete without at least sending one insult to each other."

I opened my mouth to retort, but Dezzy cut me off. "There you are!" she said, looking beyond the table. We all turned and saw James wandering over to us.

He merely nodded as he slid into an empty barstool.

"Where did you run off to?" Drew asked.

James frowned before shaking his head. "Nowhere," he murmured, a clear lie. Glancing towards the bar, he said, "Where's Melinda? I could use a drink."

"Get this," Peter said with a shrug. "She has the day off."

James blinked. "She has days off?"

"That's what we said!" Dezzy insisted with a laugh. "Apparently she has a life outside this bar."

James frowned curiously. "Maybe she's worried about Sirius. Did you guys see the article this morning?" he murmured.

Silence filled the table. Oh, yeah, we saw the article. The "Stateside Scuffle" as it had been dubbed finally hit newspapers everywhere that morning with details of Lily's kidnapping, our planned attack on the lakehouses, Sydny's death, and Sirius' and Alice's injuries. We had all intended to keep it as quiet as possible, but when so many parties are involved in a situation like that, we all knew it would be leaked at some point.

"Yeah," I muttered. "We saw the article."

James glanced at me with a grimace. "Sorry, here we said we were going to use this time to celebrate Sydny and I'm just depressing us all."

I cracked a smile, though I could feel it was strained. "Well, we already mentioned the inflatable doll story. How much more celebratory could we get?"

James scowled. "I barely knew Sydny and she had the nerve to call Lily inflatable! Seriously, I had met her five minutes earlier!"

We couldn't help but laugh at the lingering frustration. "The girl certainly had spunk," Kay commented with a smile.

"Do you remember all of those ridiculous nicknames you gave to her, James?" Remus chimed in with a teasing grin. "Sluttyhouse Syd. Slaughterbore Sydny. Slaughterhoe Sydny."

"Whorehouse Syd," Fabian chimed in.

"Syphillis Lafevre," Peter added.

"Sydny Lafrustrating," Kay included. "Not one of your better ones."

While James continued to scowl and act annoyed, the table couldn't help but erupt into laughter at the reminders.

"Slaughterhouse Silly. Slaughterhouse Slutty," I mused.

"Slit-her-throat Sydny. That one was a bit intense," Remus reminded.

"After the few obvious ones, I had to get creative," James pouted. "How about we change the subject?"

"Ah, is it time to talk about the night Remus went home with her?" Kay teased.

A flash of pink tinted his cheeks. "I was more hoping we would avoid that story today," he murmured, shaking his head with mere slight amusement.

"You seriously never told us any details," Lance pointed out. "None whatsoever. How the hell did you bag her?"

"Bag her?" Kay groaned.

"Er…woo her?"

"Ew, that's worse," I teased.

"I think what Lance means to say is how did you convince her to go home with you?" Dezzy asked, always the voice of reason.

"Why are you all so interested in that anyway? It's been five months!"

"Uh, because she was hot," Fabian smirked with a grin.

Remus turned to glare at him while the rest of merely roared with laughter. And boy did it feel good to laugh. While claiming we were coming to Blarney's to celebrate seemed like a mere impossibility, we were managing to do so. There was always that voice in the back of my head reminding me that Sirius, Alice, and Lily were missing, but for the first time in two days, I didn't feel as if my heart was going to be crushed with painful worry. I just felt glad that I had people who knew what I was going through. Who knew that what we needed was a laugh.

"I loved her reaction anytime a banana was near," Fabian was now saying. "I mean, she really hated the smell of them. Would find any reason to flee the cubicles the moment someone pulled on out."

"Which of course meant I brought a banana to work with me pretty much every morning for the past five months," James grinned.

"I think we've established the underlying reason for her distaste for you," said Drew.

"That and he's James," Dezzy said with a grin.

"Hey!" he argued with a pout.

"I'm kidding," she argued with a shrug. "You're bearable at least ten percent of the time."

"Gee, thanks."

As the afternoon went on, I couldn't help but wonder where Lily was. I knew she had been released that morning, and I could have sworn I saw her hiding in the back of the church during Sydny's ceremony. I wondered what was running through her mind. I had seen the way she looked when Sirius came out of the house with her. She had barely looked like herself. She was all blood and bruises and broken limbs. So I knew she must have been brutally tormented in that attic and I knew it happened over the course of several hours. That can't be something that someone could easily bounce back from. So I ached for her knowing she was dealing with a lot. She was alive but she was still facing an upward battle.

"Y'know, Sydny was hiding a huge secret," James had murmured at one point.

I was broken from my revelry due to sheer curiosity. "Who wasn't?" I snorted, offering a sad sort of smile.

James glanced at me briefly before letting his gaze settle on the glass in his hands. He shook the glass slightly, letting the ice dance against the rim. He looked contemplative before finally lifting his head long enough to glance around at all of us hesitantly. "Do you all remember the Executioner?"

It was clear we were all puzzled by the comment, but we all nodded. "Who could forget?" Dezzy murmured.

James' gaze drifted towards her with a look of guilty skepticism reflecting in his eyes. "Do you remember that he had two sons and a daughter?"

Some of us nodded, some of us shook our heads. I was part of the former bunch, knowing all too much about the Executioner's family. Being an Auror, I had heard many stories about him. Too many stories. Bone-chilling stories that made me wonder how one person could be so incredibly evil and somehow hide it from his entire family.

"Do you remember that he killed his two sons but his daughter was away at school and therefore, was the sole survivor of the family?"

I felt a foreboding chill run down the back of my spine at where this story was going.

"Sydny is that daughter."

Shock filled the table. I heard Dezzy gasp beside me and watched the jaws drop from Remus and Peter. Lance's eyes widened while Fabian let out an inaudible breath he had clearly been holding in. Kay looked stunned and Drew had the same reaction as me, which was fairly nonexistent as if we were unsure how that was even remotely possible.

"Wait, what?" Remus finally sputtered. "How…what…but…what?"

"My reaction precisely," James spoke calmly. "She apparently went into hiding. Sort of."

"Sort of is right," I snorted. "Considering she made a name for herself killing and capturing Death Eaters. Doesn't exactly scream out 'laying low' if you know what I mean."

"She changed her name. Her identity. Her past," James muttered, shrugging. "Her redemption was becoming an Auror. After who her father was, it was her only calling."

"How did she even become an Auror if she didn't finish school and had to hide who she was? How would she have gotten into any program without arousing suspicion?" I questioned.

We all turned to James for the answer, who suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Er…"

"Oh, c'mon," Lance argued. "You can't drop a bomb like that and not give us the rest of the details."

He winced hesitantly, taking a swig from his near-empty glass to stall before saying, "Moody and Dumbledore helped her."

Silence until –

"Why the hell does that not surprise me?" Fabian muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"She went through a lot, but overcame it all to be a pretty good version of herself," James murmured nostalgically. "She didn't think so, but she deserved more credit than she was willing to give to herself."

Another round of silence as we turned to him skeptically.

He scrunched up his nose. "That sounded pretty mushy, didn't it."

"Oh, yes. We will be making fun of you for years to come for that comment," Remus teased.

Chuckles fell from our mouths, and I was about to tell James I was impressed with the clear pride he felt for her months after claiming he would hate her for forever. But the words never came from my mouth, as Dezzy stood up from her chair and pointed towards the window. "Kay," she whispered breathlessly.

We all turned to where she was pointing to. I was fairly certain all of our hearts froze with fear at the sight of a messenger owl flying directly towards her. I stood up from my barstool almost immediately, my hands shaking as I grabbed the side of the table. No one else moved or made a sound or breathed. I swear time actually stopped in that moment.

Let it be good news. Let it be good news. Let it be good news.

Those were the only words running through my mind as the slowest owl in the history of hospital messenger owls soared over to us. He finally landed in the middle of our table, cocking his head to the side as he looked at Kay and outstretched his talons with the message.

Her hand was visibly shaking as she reached for it. It took her a couple tries before she ripped it open. I held my breath as her eyes skimmed across the page.

And I let out the largest sigh of relief when I saw her eyes light up and a grin replace her nervous frown. Glancing up, her eyes found mine, happy tears resting in her own. "It's Alice," she whispered hopefully. "She's awake!"

A helpless cry spilled from my mouth as tears collected in the corners of my eyes. I was frozen with elation, my body trembling with relief. "She's awake?" I croaked out, the glass in my hand slipping out of and bouncing against the table as my hands fell to my mouth in shock.

Kay smiled, showing him the scribbled note. "Yes."

Dezzy reached out and embraced me as a few tears spilled from my eyes. "She's awake," I muttered to himself, and everything inside of me soared with gratitude. For so long, I had refused to let myself even think of what I would have done had she died. She was my entire world. My life meant nothing without her.

I'm so glad to know that neither her life nor mine had to be over.

"C'mon, let's get to Hamadi's," Fabian urged, squeezing my shoulder.

I nodded feebly. "Yes, let's go."

"I'm coming with," James chimed in, hopping off his barstool.

"Me too," Remus agreed.

I wasn't surprised that everyone wanted to go with.

Glancing at the determined look on James' face as I led everyone out of the bar, I had a feeling that one of the reason he was tagging along was because he was hoping Alice would have some answers as to what the hell happened in that house and why didn't they call for backup. I couldn't help but wonder the same thing.

But first, I was going to hug her and kiss her and tell her if she ever scared me like that again, I'd kill her myself.

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A/N: I know this chapter was long and there wasn't a whole lot of new information, but I felt it necessary to stress the severity of the situation they had all put themselves in. Keegan is beside herself. Kay wants to be able to help Lily and can't. James feels helpless because he knows Lily is hurting and he can't do anything to change that. Remus and Peter need Sirius to wake up so the Marauders can be the Marauders can. James is on his way to forgiving Sirius, believing that his sacrifice of his life to save Lily makes up for the past. And Frank finally gets the love of his live back. A lot going on! I wonder what happens next chapter?