A/N: Alright folks, so here's the deal. We are winding down to the end of this story. The end of this SERIES! Guess how many chapters are after this one? ONE! Yes, you heard me right. Just one more chapter and an epilogue stand in the way of the epic conclusion of the Balcony series. 10 years of my life has been devoted to this! Can you believe that? 10 YEARS. A whole freaking third of my life has been with these characters... But enough nostalgia for the moment because we aren't quite there yet. So why don't we just get to the chapter because I know that's all you really care about.

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, but I will settle for admiring her from afar.

Goodbyes on the Balcony

Chapter 56: Of Interruptions, Security, & Bets

By ByeByeBirdie

++LILY++

James caught me off-guard, his lips crashing hungrily against mine. But in that moment, I realized that that was the best thing he could do to make up for the last few months. We had already said everything we needed to. There really was nothing left to say. But the single kiss filled with unrelenting passion was also filled with much-needed forgiveness.

James had been the only reason I survived as long as I had on Sunday. A time had come where I was willing to die to know that he could live, but I needed to remember everything he had given to me before I could get to that point. He had been the only guy I had ever loved. A guy I never thought I wanted to love. He gave me the ability to let my guard down. He broke down all of the barriers surrounding my heart. And since then, he had been everything to me. The next four years were spent living for the moment as best we could. The kisses and the laughs. His hand in mine. The mindblowing sex. The dinners we shared. The surprises he had in store for me. The single rose he could give to me on Valentine's Day. The Anniversary dates. Christmas gifts and the midnight kisses on New Year's Eve. The nights we stayed up all night just talking. The Saturday mornings we would spend in bed. We lived to love each other. And in my last moments as I slipped into unconsciousness on Sunday, his was the only face I saw. His was the only face I needed to see.

As his lips danced against mine, my arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders as if that's where they were always meant to be. The kiss grew desperate and frantic, months-worth of abstinence from one another exploding in this single moment. We couldn't get enough of each other and for the first time in a long time, everything suddenly felt so right. His hands roamed up the side of my face until they were buried in my hair. They didn't stay there long as they wandered down my back until they were snaked around my waist, our mouths continuing to explore each other's. His lips parted from mine as we gasped for breath before he planted kisses down my jawline and on to my neck, eliciting a moan from myself as I threw back my head, giving myself up completely to him as if we had always been together. As if we were never apart.

I couldn't tell you how long that moment would have lasted had we not been interrupted.

Remus burst into the waiting room, shouting, "Sirius is—oh! Uh…sorry."

As James and I jumped apart from one another, blushing furiously, I noticed the smirk resting on Remus' face as he leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed casually.

"Sirius is what?" James whispered hoarsely.

Remus chuckled slightly, earning a glare from both myself and James, before he said, "Sirius is awake."

I brought my hand to my mouth as I gasped with relief, but it was James who responded. "Awake?" he croaked out. "Really? Like not unconscious? Talking? Sitting up? Holding conversations?"

"Yes, that is the precise definition of awake."

James glared at him. "Well, c'mon then, let's get to his room!"

He whizzed past Remus down the hallway and I started to follow him, but Remus stepped in front of me before I could. "So," he said with a snicker. "How are things?"

I glared at him. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll kill you."

I shoved past him, ignoring the laugh from Remus that followed me.

++JAMES++

"What the hell is going on in there? Why is it taking over two hours to examine him?" Lily grumbled, pacing the floor in front of myself and Remus. Remus and I were sitting on the floor opposite Sirius' room as the Healers examined him.

I watched her, a hint of a smile perched across my lips. Her brow was creased with worry, her eyes filling with a sort of hopeful plea. She took no notice of me watching her as she grumbled complaints under her breath, her hands shoved into her pockets as she continued to wear a hole in the floor. Even when frazzled, she looked beautiful.

I knew there was still a lot that we needed to talk about. I knew she was still holding back. I knew she was still tortured over what had happened to her on Sunday. I knew that kissing her wasn't just going to solve all of our problems. It had been impulsive to say the least. But in that moment after telling her all the things I had wanted to tell her on Sunday it was as if there was nothing left for me to do but kiss her.

My smile only widened as I continued to watch Lily pace the floor, finding something so alluring in the panicked concern in her expression.

I only took my eyes off of her when I noticed a smirk spreading across Remus' face beside me, his gaze falling on me. I was about to comment when Lily let out an exasperated grunt and threw her hands in the air.

"That's it! I'm going to go see if I can get some answers out of someone!"

She strode down the corridor on the hunt for a Healer.

"So-" Remus started.

"Don't," I cut him off quickly, shooting him a look. "I guarantee I know what you're about to ask and I don't have an answer for you, so just...just don't. Please."

His brow wrinkled with curiosity. "You don't have an answer to 'you sly dog you?'"

I rolled my eyes. "Excuse me?"

Remus grinned. "That's all I was going to say."

"Why do I not believe you?"

His grin turned playful. "Oh, c'mon why won't you tell me anything?"

I frowned, letting out an inaudible sigh. "Because I don't know anything," I admitted. "We, uh...we didn't exactly get a chance to talk about it before you interrupted us."

"But yet you had no problem skipping straight to the snogging part."

I scowled, which just had him breaking out into laughter.

"I hate you."

"I know," he chuckled, glancing at my curiously. "So is she still going to America?"

That question lingered awkwardly in the air. "I-I don't know," I murmured.

His lips pursed. "Do you want her to go to-"

"No," I urged. "But it's...it's complicated."

"Seems to me you were the one who complicated it with all that snogging you two were doing."

I scowled. "Really, really hate you."

He chuckled. "Another question for you?"

"I really don't have any answers, Moony."

He nodded knowingly, but asked anyway. "Just yesterday, you were convinced there was nothing you could say or do that would make Lily feel okay again. You were convinced nothing had changed between you guys. What changed between then and now?"

I had been avoiding that question in my own head because I was uncertain myself. I had thought nothing had changed between me and Lily and she changed everything up on me. I thought she was still torturing herself over what had happened on Sunday – the kidnapping, the abuse, the guilt. One day she was practically yelling at me and the next day she was actually asking me to give her a reason to stay. None of it made any sense.

"I-I don't know," I eventually whispered.

"Well, there's only one way to find out."

I was afraid to have a conversation with Lily, as silly as that sounded. She had asked me to give her a reason to stay and I wanted so badly to be able to be that reason, but she still went through something terrible and there was something inside of me that knew she hadn't yet dealt with it. I was afraid she was just using me as a way of pretending everything was okay again. And I wasn't' so sure I could go through more heartbreak should the moment come when she realized that everything wasn't okay.

I was able to stop thinking about it, if only momentarily, when Lily came rushing back towards us with smile on her face. "We can see him. Peter and Keegan are on their way now."

She whirled around and immediately fled into Sirius' room. I found myself hesitating.

As Remus stood up, he realized I hadn't moved. He turned on his face and shot me a confused look. "Aren't you coming?"

"I-I don't know if he'd want me there," I muttered, thinking back to the conversation where I dared to call him a Death Eater.

"Don't be ridiculous," Remus scoffed. "Of course he does."

I wasn't so sure. "You go on. I'll wait for Peter and-"

"Don't you want to ask him all those questions you've been dying to ask him?" Remus cut me off with a pointed look.

I hesitated. "You're right, I'm going in."

He smirked as the two of us rushed into the room after Lily.

We all burst into his room, fixated on Sirius who in fact was sitting up and holding a quiet conversation with the mediwitch. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief, as if I hadn't truly believed he was in fact awake until that moment when I saw it for myself. I hadn't believed that this moment would come, convinced that all three of them couldn't possibly come out of this alive and that he was the sacrificial lamb. So the fact that he was actually awake and holding a conversation filled my heart with immense relief.

Remus wandered over to Sirius and opened his mouth to say something, but Lily was the first to speak. "You goddamned son of a bitch! I could strangle you for what you did!"

Sirius blinked in surprise. My eyebrows shot up at her unexpected outburst, but Remus merely held a smirk on his face, clearly amused.

"Er...good thing I'm in a hospital then?"

"This isn't funny!" she snapped, strolling over to his bedside. The mediwitch intervened, stepping in front of her before she could reach the bed.

"Oh, I'm not really going to strangle him!" she scowled irritably at the mediwitch.

The mediwitch looked unconvinced, but Sirius spoke up. "It's fine, Harriet. It may not seem like it at the moment but she's actually my friend."

Harriet's eyes narrowed hesitantly before she reluctantly headed towards the exit. "Alright, but if you need help, just call for security."

"He won't need security!" Lily snapped.

"You have actual security?" I asked Harriet curiously.

"Uh...not exactly, but she doesn't have to know that," she murmured in a soft tone before walking out.

"You could have died, Sirius!" Lily continued to shout once Harriet was gone. "Hell, you should have! Fiendfyre is not something you mess with!"

"Yeah, I think I have the burn marks to prove that," he pointed out.

"This isn't funny!"

He cowered at her screams and I couldn't help but cringe as well.

"I'm serious," she snapped. "What in Merlin's name were you thinking wading through a house that had caught on fire?"

"I was thinking I refused to leave that house without you," he said bluntly. "And I'd say I succeeded, did I not?"

"By the skin of your teeth!" she barked desperately. "If you had died, Sirius, I never would have forgiven you."

"Good thing I didn't die then."

Lily frowned, her fists clenching by her side. "You really don't get it, do you," she muttered irritably.

He hesitated. "Get what?"

Desperation sunk into her green eyes. "It should have been me, not you."

"I made sure it was neither of us."

"Barely," she whispered bitterly before she spun on her heels and stormed out of the room. I watched her go and knew in my heart that she was still holding a lot of pain in from Sunday. She wasn't okay. She was far from it. And snogging me wasn't going to change that.

Sirius' brow furrowed hesitantly as he turned to face us. "Well she's not too pleased with me right now."

Remus and I exchanged a look. "Give her time. She nearly lost you, Sirius."

He frowned. "But she didn't."

"But she almost did," I insisted with a sigh.

Sirius frowned, resting his head against the pillow with a slight shake of the head. "I wasn't about to leave her there."

"We know," Remus said. "But it was still stupid."

"It's stupid to save the life of my friend?"

"It's stupid to almost kill yourself in the process," I chimed in.

Sirius snorted. "Like you wouldn't have done the same thing?"

I said nothing.

"Yeah," he murmured, shutting his eyes tightly with a sigh. "That's what I thought."

Remus and I exchanged a look before he was smart enough to change the subject. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged, his eyes fluttering open. "Fine. I guess. A little sore," he muttered, his fingers instinctively reaching across his body to his shoulder where he winced. "Is Alice..." he trailed off.

"She's alive. Woke up yesterday."

He nodded, a confused look crossing his face. "And...and how many days has it been?"

Remus and I shared another glance. "Four days," he muttered.

Sirius cringed. "Damn," he muttered, letting out a low whistle.

"What the hell happened, Sirius?" I blurted out. "Why didn't you send a mass patronus? Why did you only reach out to Alice and Fabian? You had to have known she was in that house in a matter of seconds. Just like we all knew Lily wasn't in the houses we searched in a matter of seconds. What happened?"

"Jeez, slow down," Sirius pleaded, shaking his head.

"We deserve answers," I begged.

"I know," he murmured. "But it's all a blur right now. Just give me a second."

I was desperate for answers, but I kept my mouth shut due to the warning look sent in my direction from Remus.

"They knew what they were doing," Sirius eventually murmured, running his fingers through his hair. He winced as they touched upon what I could only imagine was some sort of bruise. "But...so did Sydny."

I felt my heart constrict as Sirius confirmed what I already knew. "She knew Lily was in that house," I blurted out. "She knew all along."

Sirius frowned as he met my gaze. "She had a hunch."

"If she knew," I snapped, "then why the hell did she let the two of you barge in there all alone? There must have been a few dozen Death Eaters in there!"

"In the very least," he muttered. "I'm assuming some of their bodies have been recovered."

I glanced over at Remus who nodded. "Just three."

I hadn't read the article that had appeared in the paper the day before very carefully, but it sounded like Remus had. "Who?" I blurted out.

"Rabastan Lestrange and two bodies that have yet to be identified. They were too burned up in the fire."

I saw Sirius wince out of the corner of my eye. "Lestrange got a glass shard to the eye," he murmured. "Sydny's doing."

A chill ran down my spine at the mention of her name. "Sirius, why didn't you call for backup?" I pleaded.

I saw guilty panic flicker in his eyes as he avoided looking up at me. I could see the wheels turning in his head and I could tell he didn't want to tell me. "Sydny had a plan," he murmured vaguely.

"Oh was the plan to get herself killed and almost take you down with her? Because, oh look, you kinda succeeded with that!"

"James-" Remus muttered.

"I know there's a reason," I snapped at Sirius, ignoring Remus. "I know because Alice knows there's a reason. And she knows because you know. And you know because Sydny told you."

His lips pursed. "Telling you isn't going to change what happened."

I felt the anger rush to my face. "Sydny died because of her supposed plan! There's no reason to protect her now."

"I'm not protecting her," he murmured, shaking his head.

"Then who?" I demanded.

He frowned before shaking his head again, letting his eyes flutter close. "James, I'm really not in the mood to get into this with you right now."

I could hear the exhaustion in his voice but I desperately wanted answers. "Sydny died, Sirius," I murmured. "Does that not mean anything to you?"

His eyes snapped open as he turned to glare at me. "I was there," he hissed. "You don't have to remind-"

"Apparently you weren't there or maybe she would still be alive."

I could tell I took it too far based on the stunned look on Sirius face.

"James!" Remus scolded in shock.

"It's fine, Remus," Sirius murmured, pulling his gaze away from both of us. "Believe me, that thought had crossed my mind, too."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "She told me to go get Alice and Fabian and then she flew up the stairs into the attic before I could stop her. I had a moment where I thought I should go after her, but I didn't."

I met Remus gaze who was still glaring at me. "If you hadn't gotten help, there'd be no way that you and Lily would have gotten out of there alive," Remus urged.

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe."

I felt guilty for scolding Sirius when he so clearly felt bad enough. But I said nothing, a part of me still bitter that I still had no answers.

"How's Alice?" Sirius murmured, clearly in need of a subject change.

"She's good. Still taking a few lingering potions to rebuild her immune system. My guess is you'll have to do the same," Remus said.

Sirius merely nodded.

"How...how is it that you and Alice inhaled so much smoke but there was barely any in Lily's lungs?" Remus asked curiously.

Sirius said nothing at first, letting his head hit his pillow as he glanced up towards the ceiling. "She was in bad shape," he murmured. "I…I didn't think she'd make it out alive if I didn't protect her from the fire. So I bundled her up in my cloak and covered her face with it. I'm assuming these scars on my arms are the ones that can't be mended because of the fiendfyre?"

I saw a flicker of terror in Remus' eyes before he nodded.

Sirius nodded too before glancing towards me. "I assumed James here cared more about keeping Lily alive than me," he teased.

I frowned, my expression turning indignant. "That's not true."

"It was a joke!"

"Well it wasn't funny."

An awkward tension filled the room before Remus cleared his throat and said, "You want to know what's really funny? The fact that I caught James and Lily snogging earlier."

"Moony!" I groaned as Sirius gasped, his eyes growing with glee.

"Seriously? She had to nearly die for the two of you to get your act together?"

"I don't think you should be the one to talk about getting your act together for the girl you like."

Sirius froze as Remus burst into laughter beside me. "Er...so you heard about Keegan, hm?" Sirius murmured sheepishly.

"You could say that," I smirked, shooting Remus an amused look as he continued to laugh silently beside me. "Are you two crazy kids really dating?"

Sirius offered a small smile. "Yeah, I guess we are."

As if on cue, the door slammed open and Keegan was barreling through it. "Sirius Black, you goddamned son of a bitch!"

"Uh...does she know you're dating?" I murmured with a hint of a sheepish smile as Keegan stormed over to the bed.

"And a good evening to you too, Rouge," Sirius said with a hopeful smile.

"Don't try and be cute right now," she scoffed. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here right now?"

He glanced up at me and Remus. "Er...witnesses?"

"I'd be smart enough to kill them too."

"Hey! When did we get dragged into this?" I argued.

"If you don't fancy yourself murdered, Potter, I'd suggest leaving now."

"Okay, works for me," I said with a simple shrug as I headed towards the door.

"Hey!" Sirius complained. "Don't leave me! I'm scared for my life!"

"Sorry, you're on your own, Padfoot!" I smirked, waving my good-byes as I slipped out the door.

++KEEGAN++

Once Remus and James left, I turned to Sirius. "You're a goddamned son of a bitch, y'know that?"

"Yeah, I think you may have mentioned that when you first step foot in here. Dare I ask why?"

I didn't even know where to start. My mind was reeling, my heart conflicted with relief and frustration. I didn't know whether to kill him or kiss him. It was maddening. "I told you I was afraid of losing you," I choked out, shaking my head. "I told you that my biggest fear in staying for you was the idea that I would get that inevitable knock on the door informing me that you had been killed in action. I told you that. And I stayed anyway. And then not even six hours later, you run headfirst into a suicide mission! You could have died, Sirius. You should have died! But-"

"But I didn't," he whispered, his eyes pleading with me. "I did what I had to do to save Lily's life."

Selfishly, I begged, "And what about me? What about my life? Was that worth nothing to you? Did you even think for a second what this would do to me?"

"Yes," he urged, reaching for my hand. "I-I knew you'd be angry and hurt. My last words to Alice before we headed into that house were to tell you I was sorry because you deserved to know that I had been thinking of you in those last seconds."

"None of which would have meant anything if you had died," I scoffed, pulling my hand away from his. "You really don't get it, do you?"

He sighed. "I'm getting really tired of people saying that to me," he murmured under his breath.

I glared at him. "I had already lost someone I cared about because of this war, Sirius. I spent years trying to get over him as impossible as it was. And then you came along and suddenly, it wasn't Tristan I was thinking of, it was you. At some point in the last couple of months, I fell for you and I fell hard. I tried not to. I tried suppressing my feelings. But you got me to admit them. And somehow, some way, you got me to stay for you when everything inside of me was screaming at me to go. For the first time in four years, I went out on a limb and laid my heart on the line for you. Because I thought you were worth it. And you didn't even let a day go by until you rushed headfirst into a battle to the death. I-I knew that was a possibility when I agreed to stay. I knew it wouldn't be easy being with you because I knew that something could happen to you. But I hadn't expected something to happen only six hours later! You…you told me you would do everything to make sure I wouldn't get hurt again, and yet here I am, feeling more hurt than I thought was possible. You weren't supposed to break my heart this early on. I'm not supposed to be feeling this way only four days after deciding I wanted to be with you. This wasn't supposed to be this hard. I'm not supposed to feel this way."

I saw the desperation in Sirius' eyes with every word I spoke. He said nothing at first, just looking at me with sad eyes. "So…" he eventually said, the single word coming out in a choked whisper. "What are you saying? That you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No, you idiot, I'm saying that I'm in love with you!"

His mouth dropped open slightly and he wasn't the only one surprised at my unexpected outburst. "Hm," he mused. "That is not the direction I thought this conversation was headed."

I let out a feeble smile. All the anger and frustration that had been building inside of me as I paced the waiting room floor just made me realize how much my heart had ached for him. I spent nights crying over him, refusing to even think of the possibility that he wouldn't wake up. I spent days staring at his hospital room door, praying to whatever God would listen to give him the strength to come out of this alive. It made me realize just how much I needed him. Once upon a time, I refused to go near hospitals. The last hospital I had been in was to identify the Moreau bodies and since then, I never let myself go near them. And yet every time Sirius got himself injured, my heart led me to his bedside. I didn't know how to let him go and as it turned out, I didn't want to.

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you," I whispered, happy tears stinging in my eyes.

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you either but I'm so glad I did," he whispered back, reaching out to me. "C'mere," he urged, patting the bed beside him.

I did as he said, crawling into bed beside him as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and drew me in close. I breathed him in, realizing how right this all felt. Just a few days ago, I had been fighting my feelings for him, letting myself do everything possible not to be with him, and yet laying here now in his arms felt so safe and perfect.

"You could use a shower," I teased, resting my head against his shoulder, because I wasn't about to admit to him how much I ached for him.

He chuckled, pressing his lips into my hair. "That's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."

I smiled, turning my head to look at him. "I'm really glad you're okay, Sirius."

He nodded. "I…I'm sorry for scaring you. That had never been my intention. I just…" he trailed off.

I sighed. "You just did what you had to do to save one of your best friends?"

Meeting my gaze, he nodded but said nothing. I watched the fear and guilt weigh heavily in his eyes as his thoughts churned around in his mind. Eventually, he glanced down at me and all I saw was agony staring back at me. "I-I thought she was dead," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desperation. "I heard Voldemort say Avada Kedavra, but I was still on the stairwell rushing upstairs so I didn't know who it was directed to. I…everything inside of me just froze. I don't even know how I pushed through to get to her. I was in so much pain already and Bellatrix was sending curses my way and suddenly the house was engulfed in flames and…" His eyes widened slightly at something he had clearly remembered.

"And what?" I dared to ask, my heart beating a mile a minute.

His breath hitched as he murmured, "I think Voldemort tried to use the Killing Curse on me."

My body went numb at the mere possibility.

"But, I can't be sure," he hastily continued. "I was too focused on finding Lily through all of the rubble. I saw Sydny lying there and knew Lily had to be nearby. The ground was splintering beneath me and I knew I had very little time before the entire house collapsed and killed anyone still there, including me. And that's when I saw a flash of red hair. I just reached out and grabbed her arm and…and when I saw her look up at me and I knew she was alive, that was all the energy I needed to get us out of that house alive."

"Barely," I pointed out with a hoarse whisper.

He said nothing, but I hadn't expected him to.

"Next time you decide to take on two dozen Death Eaters and Voldemort single-handedly, do you mind at least warning me first?"

He chuckled, tightening his grasp around my shoulders as he leaned into me with a smile. "I wanted to," he admitted. "But I knew if I had, I never would have gone after Lily. And…well, you might not like it, Keegan, but that's the mission of the Order."

"You're right," I murmured. "I don't like it. But I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to stay for you."

"I'm so glad you decided to stay for me," he whispered.

"Says the guy who nearly got himself killed only six hours after I made that decision."

He grinned sheepishly, and instead of even attempting to defend himself, he merely leaned over and kissed me. I melted at the slight touch, our lips meeting with a tenderness we had never encountered before. He loved me and I loved him. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but I could feel in my heart that I was meant to be with him.

Our hearts melded together as one, our lips soaring with passion as he explored the inside of my mouth. Our tongues swirled, eliciting moans from both of us, as he shifted so he was hovering over me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and drew him towards me, wanting and needing him in every way. I felt my heart flutter with yearning and my stomach fill with unrelenting lust for the man I loved as our mouths continued to meet with fiery craving.

We both froze at the sound of a throat being cleared behind us.

Pulling ourselves off one another, we saw Harriet the mediwitch hovering in the doorway. "Er…I really hope this is your girlfriend because if she's not, that girl is in for a rude awakening."

The two of us laughed as Harriet wandered over to us. "That would be me, yes. Don't you remember me screaming that at you on Sunday night?"

"Ah, yes, I believe you called me incompetent."

"You did what?" Sirius said, amusement gleaming in his eyes as he turned to stare at me.

I grinned sheepishly. "She wouldn't let me see you! She told me I wasn't family."

"Harriet!" Sirius said with mock horror. "You wouldn't let her in to see me?"

"She isn't family! There's a hospital policy I'm forced to follow or I could get fired!"

"Keegan!" Sirius said with mock horror, turning to me. "You wanted to get Harriet fired?"

"In that moment, I kinda did."

We all couldn't help but laugh. Sunday night felt like years ago instead of just four days. So much had changed, and yet very much was still the same. Sydny was gone, a severe loss to all of us who had grown to really care about her. I thought back to the last conversation the two of us shared regarding her past. It had been a short conversation, but it proved to both of us that the past isn't all it's cracked up to be. In a weird way, that conversation helped me realize that letting my past affect the way I lived my life in the present moment was only damaging me further. If I wanted to be with Sirius, I just needed to be with him. And my tragic past shouldn't change that.

So I guess I had Sydny to thank for how things turned out with Sirius.

"So you love me, hm?" Sirius said to me once Harriet left.

I smiled. "Yeah," I whispered with a nod. "I do."

He smiled, too, squeezing my hand. "Whoever thought that the two most screwed up people in the world would end up together?"

"Speak for yourself!"

He shot me a look.

"Oh, right, I am kinda screwed up, aren't I?" I chuckled.

He smiled, pressing his lips to my temple as I rested my head against his shoulder. "Yeah, but so am I. That's what makes us so perfect together."

"Hm, and I always thought it was your good looks and my irresistible charm."

"You have charm?"

"You have good looks?"

"I retract my question."

"I thought you might."

He smiled. "Hey, Keegan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

++REMUS++

When I followed James out of Sirius' room, I wasn't surprised when he wandered back over to the waiting area and took a seat.

"Stalling, hm?"

James glanced up at me, not bothering to ask me what I meant by that. "I don't know. Maybe."

I rolled my eyes and took a seat beside him. "Talk to Lily."

"I will."

I shot him a look. "Now."

"I'm waiting for Moody."

That wasn't the response I was expecting. "Moody? Why?"

"Because Moody is going to question Sirius about what transpired in that house and while he may be able to hide facts from me, Moody won't let him get away with it."

"And you think that Moody is going to allow you to be in the room when he interrogates Sirius?" I snorted. "Because him kicking you out of Alice's room during her interrogation wasn't enough of a hint?"

He frowned, letting out a heavy sigh. "I just…I need to know."

"Why?"

"Because none of it makes any sense!" he croaked out, shaking his head. "And I just…I can't talk to Lily without knowing."

My brow furrowed. "What difference does that make?"

He grew suspiciously quiet as he glanced up towards the ceiling with a look of pensive hesitation on his face. "Sydny died saving her," he whispered. "I need to know why."

This was the part where I was supposed to inform James that Sydny did everything she could to not only save Lily, but James, too. I didn't know if I was just a coward or if I was trying to protect James or if I thought he was better off in the dark, but instead of telling him the truth, I simply said, "You know who was there who might know the answer to that? Lily."

He scoffed. "You'll never give up, will you."

"Nah."

He rolled his eyes but didn't bother responding. I wasn't sure if I should take that as a good sign or not.

Nothing more was said until Peter wandered into the waiting area, slightly out of breath. "Sirius? Alive?" he sputtered, the only words he could muster.

James smirked beside me while I laughed at a clearly winded Peter, who grabbed ahold of the couch armrest to steady himself. "Yes, Wormtail, Padfoot's alive."

He let out a sigh of relief as he dropped on to the couch opposite us. "Then what the hell are you two doing out here?"

"Keegan's in with Sirius giving him an earful."

Peter's brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"Similar to the earful that Lily gave him earlier."

He blinked. "I repeat: huh?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Nothing," I spoke. "Just know that the Marauders are back together again."

Peter glanced hesitantly at James. "So…you and Sirius?"

My heart skipped a beat, realizing I hadn't even stopped to think about the feud that had broken out between James and Sirius just a few days prior to the attack. I glanced towards James nervously as both Peter and I waited for him to answer.

"He saved Lily's life," he murmured with a smile. "How could I be mad at him after that?"

++REMUS++

I was shocked when it was Peter who practically yelled at James to go get his girlfriend back because he was tired of dealing with James' whiny arse, but it certainly had me laughing for a good five minutes after James scowled and disappeared.

"Sorry, but it had to be done," Peter muttered irritably, sinking into the chair beside me. "Besides, Moody already said James couldn't come in with him as he interviewed Sirius. Do you think Sirius knows more than he's letting on?"

I frowned, shrugging. "I don't know," I lied, because truth was I absolutely knew that Sirius knew more than he was letting on. "But thanks for getting rid of James, because I plan on asking Sirius that the moment Moody leaves."

Ten minutes later, Moody wandered back into the waiting area. "You guys can go back in. If you see Miss Rouge, tell her I'm sorry for kicking her out. She didn't seem terribly pleased with me."

"Is that because she wanted to kill him or because she wanted to be with him?" I mused curiously.

Moody grunted. "How the hell should I know? I prefer to keep my nose clean with all the love drama around here. I have more important things to deal with."

He stormed off after that as I caught the amusement in Peter's eyes. "Well, someone's in a mood," Peter teased before pulling himself out of the chair. "C'mon, let's go see Sirius."

I was right behind him, shutting the door behind me as we wandered into Sirius' private room. He was staring at the ceiling with an intense look on his face, barely acknowledging us as we walked in.

"Hey, Sirius," Peter greeted, for this is the first time he was seeing him since he woke up. "You feeling okay?"

Sirius let his gaze falter from the ceiling as he smiled. "I'm beginning to really hate that question."

He cringed. "Sorry."

Sirius only shrugged, and I used that time to chime in. "Did you, uh…did you tell Moody anything?" I asked hesitantly.

Sirius frowned, slowly meeting my gaze. When I locked eyes with him, I knew in that instant that he knew perfectly well that Sydny's plan all along was to protect James. "You know the truth, don't you."

"I…" I trailed off with a nervous clear of the throat. "I guessed."

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised seeing as you've always been Mr. Perceptive. I blame those werewolf senses of yours."

"What are you two talking about?"

Sirius and I shared a look before Sirius sighed, hitting his head back against the pillow. "You tell him."

"You'd know it better."

"I just told the whole story to Moody. Please don't make me repeat it."

I frowned, but nodded as I took a seat in one of the plastic chairs beside Sirius' bed and dove into the story about how Sydny chose to check out Sirius' old house with the theory that the Death Eaters would assume James and Sirius would be the two to sneak in. I told Peter how she refused to call for backup even when it was clear they were walking into a suicide mission because she knew James would be the first into that house. I talked about how Sydny was the one to rush towards the attic in an attempt to stall for time while Sirius only reached out for backup in Alice and Fabian so as not to attract any attention towards James. And then I told both of them that she offered to take Lily's place if that meant letting her go alive.

"Wait, what?" Sirius whispered hoarsely, the eyes on both he and Peter wide as ever.

I nodded feebly. "Yeah," I murmured. "She said that she was the one Voldemort wanted anyway."

"What? Why would Voldemort want her?"

I exchanged an awkward look with Peter. "Does the name Cindy Fevriello mean anything to you?" Peter blurted out.

"No, should it?"

"Does the name Giovanni Fevriello mean anything?" he corrected.

"The Executioner? Yeah, but what does that have to do with…" Sirius hummed impatiently, shaking his head furiously as he turned to look at both of us. "He had a daughter who lived."

"Cindy Fevriello," I spoke softly. "Otherwise known as-"

"Sydny Lafevre," he whispered in shock. "She…she was going to sacrifice herself to save Lily?"

"Not 'she was going to,'" I argued. "She did sacrifice her life to save Lily's."

"And James'," Sirius muttered, letting out a low whistle. "Bloody freaking hell, that girl is the epitome of a hero."

"Heroine," Peter corrected.

We both turned to stare at him.

"I don't know why that's important."

I smirked, shrugging casually. "If James ever finds out Sydny's true intentions behind all that transpired on Sunday-"

"He'll never forgive himself," Peter snorted. "Considering this all means he's ultimately the reason she died."

That heavy truth filled the room with uncertain awkwardness. We all glanced around at each other, not even sure what to do or say. Wondering if there really was anything to do or say.

"Way to be blunt, Peter," Sirius eventually said.

"It's the truth, isn't it?"

Another round of silence filled the room as a trifecta of sighs escaped from all of us. James was pretty much a pro at blaming himself for the past few months' misfortunes and at the time, he had little to no reason to blame himself. Now, we couldn't actually admit that it wasn't his fault because Sydny had done everything in her power to make sure that she saved James from the wrath of Voldemort on that fateful Sunday night. It was noble, it was courageous, and if James ever find out, he'd probably go off the deep end and never find his way back.

Finally, Sirius spoke. "No one tells James."

I met his gaze before capturing Peter's frown. "No one tells James," Peter agreed.

I nodded, too. "No one tells James."

We all went to the grave with that information.

"Where is he anyway? Moody said he was called every name in the book by James when Moody refused to let him into the room earlier," Sirius said curiously.

I smirked, a laugh falling from Peter's lips from beside me. "Er…well I kinda yelled at him to go figure things out with Lily," Peter said sheepishly.

"He called James a whiny arse."

"I did not! I said I was tired of dealing with James' whiny arse."

"Oh, right. But you did call him a sulking prat."

"Well, yeah, he totally deserved that."

"So bets on whether the two of them actually get back together?" Sirius said with a cheeky grin.

"Sirius!" I groaned. "That is underhanded and cruel."

"So three galleons?"

"Make it five. They're definitely getting together."

"If they don't, I'm killing both of them in their sleep," Peter muttered.

"Because you care about the status of their relationship that much?" I mused curiously.

"No, because I'm done dealing with that sulking prat's whiny arse."

++LILY++

I was so mad at Sirius. Livid actually. I wanted to strangle him for being so careless with his own life. I was so angry I couldn't even feel relief that he was in fact alive. He never should have thought his life was worth more than mine. If he knew that by the end of the night on Sunday I was begging for it to be over, he wouldn't have been so willing to save me. I mean, if I wasn't willing to save myself than why should I have expected someone else to?

Tears prickled the side of my eyes as I tried drastically to forget the events of Sunday. When it was quiet and there was little room for distraction, the horrible memories of Sunday would come flying back at me so unexpectedly, it made it impossible to breathe. Impossible to think anything except pain and shame and worthlessness. Impossible to believe I hadn't deserved it. As if I needed to be punished for daring to think I could just leave everything in England behind.

Because the truth was, I couldn't leave it behind. I tried and look what happened. I needed the people I loved more than ever even if I was afraid to admit it. Didn't I?

Maybe it no longer had to matter that James broke my heart and I broke his. We were both given a second chance to just live our lives. I could have died – hell, I should have died – but I was still very much alive and instead of letting so much pent up resentment run my life, I was given the opportunity to face what I really wanted and needed. And while I had been so determined to rid James from my life, the truth was I had never been able to let go. It's why I stepped into that fireplace without hearing James out. Because I knew he'd weasel his way back into my heart again and at the time I thought I wanted anything but. Turns out I really just didn't want anything but him.

James had destroyed my heart once. He had made it impossible for me to breathe as well. Impossible to believe that love could really exist. But he had come back for me. He had never let go. Even when he had been trying to protect me. Even when he was pushing me away. Even when he had let fear run his life. Even then, he had never let me go. And as it turned out, I had never been able to let him go. And I was a fool for ever thinking I could.

We had both made so many mistakes in the past but the last time I let him go, I wound up flooing into the arms of Bellatrix Black and fell headfirst into Voldemort's trap. If that wasn't reason enough not to let James go, I didn't know what was.

I wanted so badly to believe it could be that easy. I loved James and that should have been enough, but in that moment, I barely loved myself. I didn't know if I could let myself love him when I still held so much shame and pain buried deep within my heart for all the things I was trying to avoid from Sunday.

I jumped when there was a knock at my door. My heart beating uncontrollably, I slowly strolled over to it and opened it. Relief filled my heart when I realized it was Kay, not James. "Oh, thank Merlin, it's you."

She smirked. "Well, that was a rather welcoming greeting."

I chuckled, opening the door and gesturing her in.

"Something tells me you were expecting James."

I blinked, slowly meeting her gaze. When I saw the amused smirk on her face, I immediately scowled. "Remus told you, didn't he."

"It might have come up."

I let out a frustrated sigh, dropping on to the end of my bed. "That's it, I'm totally killing him."

Kay laughed, leaning up against the doorframe with a curious expression. "So, am I right in thinking that by your reaction when you realized it was me and not James at the door, you haven't a clue what your interrupted snog meant?"

I felt confusion settling into my heart as I slowly met her gaze. "I…" I trailed off. "I don't know."

Kay offered me what was not a reassuring smile. "Well, maybe it's time you figured it out."

I let out a whimper, placing my head in my hands. "Can't you do it for me?"

She chuckled, pulling herself away from the doorframe and joining me on the bed. "You love him, don't you," she whispered, running her nails down my back in a rather soothing way.

Of course I loved him. I never stopped loving him even when he hadn't deserved it. But that didn't mean it was easy loving him. My bottom lip trembling, I glanced up at my best friend. "I…I just think it would hurt less leaving him than loving him," I whispered, admitting the truth deep within my heart.

Kay blinked. Once and then twice. "Of course it would," she admitted, surprising the both of us. "Loving someone isn't all sunshine and roses. It's never easy. Sometimes it physically hurts to be in love because it's not just you that you have to worry about. You have this whole other person that makes you the person that you are. Your life has meaning because of them. And the idea that you can lose that is shattering. So of course it can hurt loving someone who hurt you once before knowing that it can be taken away from you so quickly and so heart-wrenchingly. Any of us who have ever experienced heartbreak knows that being forced to fall out of love is impossible. But if you've already fallen and you can't get out and you have no reason to let them go, isn't the idea of trying to do so even more impossible?"

I gaped at her. "Have you been practicing that speech?"

She offered me a slight smile before shaking her head. "You can't think about what hurts more or less. You just have to do what makes sense."

"Leaving makes sense!" I whined, even though I didn't entirely believe it.

Kay's eyebrow rose slowly. "Really? Even after what happened last time?" she snorted.

I turned to glare at her, but cracked a smile when I saw the edges of her own lips turned upward. My smile quickly faded when I thought about the heavy implication of her words. Once again, I just wanted to forget all about Sunday and move past it. Forget the hours of torture. Forget the fact that I was practically begging for death. Forget all of it. Why did everyone have to keep bringing it up when all I wanted to do was ignore it?

"What if he only wants to be with me because he feels guilty for what happened on Sunday?" I muttered.

Kay's brow furrowed. "Lily, he's wanted to be with you since he poured chocolate sauce in your lap. Sunday has nothing to do with it."

Maybe.

"For Merlin's sake, he went after you on Sunday to stop you. He didn't want you to go. He didn't want to give up on you two. He wanted to love you and he wanted you to love him."

Oh, right.

"This is your chance to find your way back to each other if that's what you want," she whispered, placing her hand on mind. "And, I hate to be blunt, but I do think that's what you want. I just think you're scared to want it. The problem is, I'm not entirely sure I know what you're scared of."

I knew what I was scared of. I'd like to think that I could just go to James, kiss him, and suddenly everything would be okay again. I wanted to believe that I had survived seven hours of torture, a disintegrating house under my feet, and fiendfyre so that I could face the one thing I had been so scared to face all along: loving James. But how could I face James when I could barely face myself?

++JAMES++

Just like Remus had said, Moody refused to let me anywhere near Sirius' room when he was being interrogated. I had known it was coming, but it was an easy way of stalling because I didn't know what to say to Lily. I didn't even know what to think. Four days ago, parts of us hated the other for our various acts of betrayal. And four days later, we were snogging in the hospital waiting area as if the past hadn't existed. My mind was reeling with so many questions, but I wasn't so sure I was ready to face the answers.

Honestly, I had believed that Sirius might be the one to hold all of the answers. Lily had seemed to invest a lot of her time and thoughts after the attack towards hating him for risking his life for hers. In my heart, I knew that there was a reason she was so angry with him. Reasons that go beyond him nearly dying for her. The Lily I used to know would have felt sadness and guilt, but not anger and resentment. Something had changed in her. I didn't know if it was before, during, or after her attack, but she was holding something back. And I needed to know what she was holding back before letting myself love her again.

I could hear Lily moving around behind her closed bedroom door, but it took me a good few minutes before I had the courage to knock on it.

It came as no surprise when it took several minutes for Lily to answer. Just like I had been holding off on having this conversation, she clearly was, too.

She eventually did open her door, staring up at me with expectant eyes. "Hi," she spoke softly.

"Hi," I greeted, my heart thumping wildly out of my chest.

She said nothing and neither did I. I used that time to just look at her, noticing the hesitant crease that streaked across her forehead and her flushed cheeks and especially the frightened hope that rested in her emerald eyes. Before I could even think about what I wanted to say, I found myself blurting out, "I kissed you earlier."

She smirked. "Yes, I believe I was there."

Relief filled my heart at the teasing joke. "You kissed me back."

Her smile faded into a hesitant frown. "Yes," she whispered.

"Why?" I asked.

She blinked. "What?"

"Why did you kiss me back?"

"Why did you kiss me in the first place?"

I frowned. It was a valid question. "You wanted me to give you a reason to stay," I murmured. "It was the only thing I could think of that was a good enough reason."

She nodded, her expression growing pensive. "But then we were interrupted," she reminded me.

My brow furrowed. "Yes, I believe I was there," I responded, using her own words against her.

She smiled, but only for a brief moment.

I frowned hesitantly at the lack of response. "Why does it matter that we got interrupted?" I dared to ask.

Her lips pursed. She said nothing at first, her eyes darkening with hesitation. "Reality matters," she whispered as if that answered my question at all. And maybe it did. Maybe she was saying that the kiss was fantasy and the interruption was reality. Maybe she was saying that everything would have been fine had reality not caught up to us. Or maybe she was just saying that we had a lot more to fight through before we could go back kissing.

I could have questioned it further, but I had really only come there to ask her one question. So ignoring her comment, I blurted out, "Lily, why are you so angry with Sirius?"

She looked up at me, startled by the question. "I thought you were here to talk about you and me."

"I think that whatever reason you're so angry with Sirius does have to do with you and me."

Her eyes widened slightly and I knew in that moment that I was right, the guilt and panic staring me straight in the face. "I don't want to talk about him," she urged, whirling around and heading back into her bedroom.

I followed her in with a frown. "But I do."

"Then go talk to him about it, because I'm not interested."

"Lily-"

"I'm not having this conversation, James," she pleaded, and I could hear the tremble in her voice though her back was facing me.

I didn't know what to say or even do here. Which was a first for me. I had always believed that I knew Lily better than I knew myself. I had always known what to say to make her feel better, but I was at a complete loss. I had seen her bloodied body and that changed a person. The idea of what she must have gone through was painful to even think about, so I couldn't even remotely imagine what she was thinking or feeling. Or evidently not thinking or feeling as she seemed more inclined to suppressing it all.

"Why are you so mad at Sirius, Lily?"

Her spine stiffened at the question. She said nothing, but refused to turn around and face me. "James, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you," I whispered.

She let out a hesitant sigh, slowly turning around to meet my gaze. "Then let's talk about me, not Sirius."

I met the heartbreak in her eyes and nodded. "Okay," I said softly, my heart beating a mile a minute at what I was about to touch upon. "Then why don't you start with telling me what happened to you in that attic?"

I saw the panic flood to her eyes almost immediately. "You don't want to know," she blurted out in a hoarse whisper, whirling around so as not to look at me anymore.

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Well, don't," she whispered, her words barely audible.

I said nothing at first, recognizing such a weight on her shoulders that I wanted to be able to unburden if I could. I just wasn't sure how to do so. "I kissed you, Lily, because I do still care so much about you. But…" I trailed off, not even sure where I was going with that.

"But after what happened on Sunday, you don't love me anymore?" she suggested.

I was completely taken aback by that comment. "What…what are you talking about?" I sputtered.

She shrugged. "I get it," she spoke in a slight murmur. "I'm a different person than I was five days ago. I don't expect you to want to be with me anymore. You told me what you would have said to me on Sunday, but that doesn't mean it's what you would have wanted to say to me today."

"It is what I want to say to you," I urged, shaking my head. "You may think you're a different person than you were five days ago, but I don't think so."

"You don't get it," she whispered.

"Then help me get it," I begged. "Why are you so mad at Sirius? What happened-"

"Stop asking me that!" she shouted.

"I need to know. Please, Lily. Tell me," I practically pleaded. "Tell me why you are so mad at-"

"Because he almost got himself fucking killed!" she snapped, her voice breaking as she whirled around to glare at me. "The Healers gave him a ten-percent chance of waking up. Ten-percent. In case your math skills are subpar, that means he had a ninety percent chance of dying. And that would have been on my conscience. How in Merlin's name was I supposed to be able to live with that? How was I supposed to live the notion that he believed his life was worth less than mine?"

"That's not why he did it," I argued. "This is what we do, Lily. We put our necks on the line to protect the people we love from the dangers Voldemort presents. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same for Sirius. That you wouldn't have risked your life for his if the situation warranted it."

"This situation didn't warrant it!" she snapped, glaring at me. "I was the one dying in that attic, not Sirius! Me! He should have just left me there and saved himself! I should have died. It…it should have been me. It was supposed to be me."

My body went numb at her callous words, and suddenly, things all started to fall into place. Why she had been so cold and distant after she woke up. Why she was filled with so much bitterness and anger towards Sirius for saving her life. Why it was anger and resentment she felt and not grief. Why she was so afraid to talk about what had happened in that attic. What she was holding back.

"That's…that's what you wanted, isn't it," I whispered frantically, the shock coming out with every word. "You didn't want anyone to come after you. You wanted to die in that attic."

She jerked her head to stare at me, a look of hesitant shame flickering in her dull green eyes as she dropped on to the edge of her bed. She opened and shut her mouth a few times before throwing the subject off course. "Do you know what Sirius' last words to Alice were?"

I frowned before shaking my head.

"That my life was worth dying for," she whispered. "But what he doesn't seem to understand was that so was his."

"Lily-"

"I knew it was inevitable. I knew it was coming. I knew they held me hostage in hopes of drawing all of you in so that they could take more lives that night. But it should have just been me. Not Sydny or Sirius or Alice. Me."

My blood turned to ice at her chilling words. "We weren't about to let that happen," I choked out.

"But you should have!" she choked out and I could almost hear the tears in her words as she pulled herself off the bed to glare at me. "Just like the rest of you are so keen on protecting me, I would have died to protect all of you! I was ready to die!"

I could barely breathe, the shame in her voice so overwhelming. She was finally releasing all of her anger and pain that she had been holding in, but it was a lot harder to watch than I expected. And I knew in that moment that the only reason she was ready to die was because the Death Eaters gave her reason to feel ready. "Lily," I whispered. "What happened in that attic?"

Her eyes filled with slight panic before she quickly shook her head. "Leave it alone, James," she snapped.

"I can't," I whispered, reaching out again for her hand.

I wasn't surprised when she jerked it away from me, turning to glare at me. "Leave it alone."

"What happened in that attic, Lily?"

Her glare was still there, but there was a hint of shame resting in her eyes. "Please don't ask me that. Please."

I reached out once more, grabbing her arm and pulling her close to me. She didn't shy away from me this time, but she refused to look up at me. I could feel her trembling in my arms as I instinctively reached over and pressed my lips against the top of her head. "I have to ask you," I whispered. "And you have to talk about it."

"I can't talk about it," she whispered, her head still hanging in shame.

"I know how difficult it is to talk about it, but-"

"No, you don't," she blurted out in a hurt whisper, shaking her head. "You don't know. You don't know that they used me as their punching bag for six goddamned hours! You don't know that they choked me over and over again until I passed out. You don't know that they slashed my face and cut my skin until I had nothing left to mutilate. You don't know that they kicked me in the stomach until I couldn't breathe. You don't know that they pulled my hair and slammed me into the wall. You don't know that they twisted my arms and burned my legs. You don't know that they used the Cruciatus Curse on me every half hour for six straight hours. You don't know that they almost raped me. You don't know because you weren't there."

Everything inside of me froze in soul-crushing horror as she pulled herself out of my grasp and dropped on to the bed with a broken sigh. My heart broke with so much pain. My stomach plummeted with true horror. My face grew to a very pale shade of white. There were no words to express what I felt in that moment except for overwhelming pain for the fragile girl sitting in front of me. She had been holding in so much angst since Sunday that she had been afraid of exposing and now it rested heavily in the tense air. It was heartbreaking knowing the details of the physical pain, but it was the emotional pain that really struck me. No one should have to live with that constant guilt and suffering. No one.

Looking up at me, she whispered, "No one else should have gotten hurt. I was hurting enough for everyone."

I could tell she was desperately blinking back the tears, refusing to let them fall as if she was afraid if she started, she'd never stop.

Hastily moving out of her doorway, I took a seat right beside her and instinctively reached over to wrap my arm around her shoulders and draw her into me. I felt her stiffen in my arms again and I wasn't sure my heart could take any more of Lily's pain. "It's because you were hurting that we wanted to save you," I whispered, staring into her sad eyes. "If we have the opportunity to stop you from suffering, we're going to take it."

Her bottom lip trembled as she slowly turned to me. I could see such fear and guilt staring back at me, her eyes filled with a sort of quiet desperation that crushed my heart. I wanted to grab her and never let her go. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I didn't know that. I couldn't promise that. And she knew that.

"Why is it that everyone else gets to protect me but I can't manage to do the same for them?" she whispered, her words filled with calculated shame.

I knew she was referring to me breaking up with her, Sydny's death, and Sirius for risking his own life for hers, and unfortunately I didn't have much of an answer for her. I pulled myself away from her, gazing up at the anguish in her expression, trying to think of anything to say. I came up blank. "Lily…"

"I would have died in that attic if it meant saving everyone else," she whispered, cutting me of as her eyes filled with tears. "It should have been me who died in that attic. It should have been me."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She had been holding them back for four days and she needed to let them out as much as I needed to be the one to let her. So instead of trying to say anything, I simply reached out and drew her into me, thankful when she didn't fight this time. She crumbled in my arms as she finally allowed the tears to stream down her face, letting herself cry away the pain and agony she had been holding in for so many days now. She stopped letting herself be so burdened by her pain. She lifted the weight off her shoulders that was there out of pure guilt. She stopped being reminded of the torture and let herself live in the moment again. She stopped thinking less of herself for something she had no control over. She removed the shame resting in her heart, and she just let herself be herself again.

And eventually, she wiped the tears underneath her eyes and picked herself out of my arms. Almost immediately, I saw a flicker of life in her eyes that was not previously there. All she had needed was a release, someone to give her the chance to forgive herself so she could move on. I had initially thought it should have Sirius for he was the one who risked his own life for hers in a time when she was ready to do the same for everyone else. But it suddenly hit me that this was exactly what we needed if we were going to be able to move past the horrible activities that occurred on Sunday. She needed me to know what had happened in that attic and she needed to say it aloud in order to move on. We had both needed it in our own way.

I never told anyone what had happened to Lily in that house, and to my knowledge, she never told anyone either. Besides Voldemort and the Death Eaters, we were the only two that knew the true nature behind the acts of torture she had encountered. We never once brought it up again. That night in her bedroom was the only time we ever spoke of it. She was finally able to move past it and so much of me was grateful that I could be the one to give her the courage to do so.

++LILY++

I had thought ignoring what had happened on Sunday was the best way to move past it. Turns out, letting it all out and being comforted by the only guy I've ever loved was the only way to move past it.

Something changed in us that night in my bedroom. I stopped thinking I had deserved to die in that attic. I stopped believing I was less of a person for what happened to me. I stopped dwelling in the past and let myself think about a future I had thought for a brief moment in time I wouldn't get to have.

All because of James.

"James?" I eventually whispered when the tears dried up.

"Yeah?"

"I…I asked you to give me a reason to stay," I muttered nervously. "And then you kissed me."

He nodded. "Yes."

Turning to face him, I met his hesitant gaze. "Did you mean it?"

Everything inside of me shook with hopeful anxiety as he stared at me. Slowly, he smiled. "I don't think I've ever meant anything more than I did when I kissed you."

Relief filled my heart. "Really?"

He nodded, instinctively reaching over and grabbing my hand to squeeze it. "It's not that I want you to stay, Lily," he murmured helplessly. "It's that I need you to stay."

The hope shooting through my every vein was effervescent. I felt alive again, feeling such overwhelming appreciation for the man sitting in front of me. It had taken us a long time to get to where we were, but instead of bothering with regrets, I just wanted to be with him and only him. Without the politics of war. Without the worries and the concerns and the panic. Without the games and betrayal. This moment belonged to us.

"We've made a lot of mistakes," he whispered, biting on the inside of his lip with an air of nervousness. "I don't want to make anymore."

"I don't either," I quickly agreed.

He brushed a strand of hair from my forehead as I met his pleading gaze. "I made a huge mistake the night I let you go," he whispered, shaking his head grimly. "But it would be an even bigger mistake if I let you go now."

I felt myself trembling with the courage of anticipation for the idea that he and I could find our way back to each other. I had never thought that would be possible after everything we've been through, but this moment changed everything. He was the only person I could ever fully open up to. He had always been there when I needed him. He pushed me to be a better person. And I strove to be better because of him. It was always because of him.

"Maybe this time I won't let you," I said with a small smile. "Because the truth is, James, I'm in love with you. I always have been. And I always will."

I stared up at him curiously and I saw the true adoration flickering in his hazel eyes as he glanced down at me. He said nothing at first and I felt myself holding my breath in anticipation of what he may say in return. I waited for him to either tell me he loved me or for him to tell me that too much has changed. I waited for there to be a sign that things could be okay or for a sign that this really was over between us. I just waited because there was nothing else I could do.

"Oh, Lily," he whispered, his hand coming up to brush my cheek. "I love you, too."

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I was gasping for air out of pure elation. I'm pretty sure my heart stopped, realizing that before that moment I had actually believed there might be a chance I'd never hear those words from him again. But he really did love me. And I loved him. And there was nothing standing in our way anymore.

"So, hypothetically," he mused with a smile. "What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

I smiled. A real smile, filled with joy and forgiveness. "Hypothetically, there's only one way to find out," I whispered.

The smile on his own face said it He was the one. I knew in my heart that whatever the future held for me, for us, I was meant to live it with him by my side. So many people have lost their lives due to this war, and it was time both James and I let ourselves live our lives in honor of them. If something were to happen to me or to James, I wanted to spend my last moments with him. Always and forever.

"Okay, but can you do one thing for me first?" he asked.

I blinked, but nodded nervously. "Alright."

"Lock the door. I wouldn't want to give Remus the chance to interrupt us for a second time today."

A/N: Aaaaaaaand the moment we have all been waiting for: LILY AND JAMES ARE BACK TOGETHER. Took them long enough to find their way back to each other. And Keegan loves Sirius!? So much love in the air! Ah, things are finally falling into place. Just one more chapter and an epilogue to wrap everything up. Is there anything in particular you want to see?