Help: Chapter 16

The sky was pink and blue, as the sun set that evening, Scarlett hurried in the house with Christmas gifts. The smell of cigars wafted through the downstairs, and she knew Rhett was home. Her stomach fluttered in anticipation, and she wondered what would be the sleeping arrangements tonight. She hadn't given much thought to the fact until she came home, and found him sitting in the library, smoking and awaiting dinner.

"Mrs. Butler, you're home," he grinned as she passed the door.

"Rhett, I need to change for dinner," Scarlett waved her hand and hurried towards the stairs with her boxes and bags.

Rhett was in the doorway in a flash, "Shopping?"

"Yes, I went downtown and picked up a few Christmas gifts."

Rhett smiled and pecked her on her cheek, "Get ready for dinner, my pet."

He smiled to go into the Library, and left her hurrying up the steps. Once in her room, Scarlett started to wonder, "Is this just for the holiday? What happened with all his talk of leaving? DOes he love me, or is he still leaving after New Years?" Scarlett cupped her ears, and was about to scream, as her head started to tingle, "Don't think about it now, think about it tomorrow!"

Mammy opened the door and found her sitting on the bed cupping her ears, and stood there watching her, "Miss Scarlett?"

Taking a deep breath, Scarlett looked up at Mammy, and released her hands, "I'm fine. I need to change, Mammy."

Scarlett changed into a simple pale gray dress without much trim, but a lace collar and brooch at her neck, and she wrapped a navy wool shawl around her as she went down to dinner. The table was set and the smell of duck and potatoes hit her nostrils and her mouth watered. Rhett rose and pulled out her chair smiling and complimenting her dress.

Scarlett sat as he poured them each a glass of wine. Her hands trembled as she raised it to her mouth. Rhett asked, "Are you chilled? Shall I get another log on the fire?"

Scarlett shook her head, "I'm fine."

Rhett cut his duck as he spoke, "So, you bought Christmas gifts?"

"Yes, just a few things, nothing much."

"Well, I guess we should get a Christmas tree? Is that alright with you?"

Scarlett swallowed her potatoes and then said, "It doesn't make a difference to me, candles and a garland is just as pretty, like Mother would have at Tara."

Rhett looked up from his wine glass, "Do you have plans for Christmas, Scarlett?"

She took a deep breath, and put her fork down. Christmas was the last thing she wanted to discuss or celebrate this year. Scarlett studied her duck as though it would fly off the plate. Rhett prompted her again, "Well? What would you like to do, dear?"

"I don't know, Rhett. I figured we would go see Aunt Pitty on Christmas Eve, then I guess we could go to mass, and Christmas day, I don't know if there is anything to celebrate."

Rhett saw that he hit a nerve, and he nodded, "Whatever you are comfortable with, we can do."

Scarlett's nerves were tight with anticipation and stress about this evening and every one after that, and her knuckles were white around her fork. Rhett placed his hand over hers, "Put down the fork, and tell me, what's bothering you?"

Scarlett dared not look in his eyes, and she kept the fork in her hand, "It's no bother, it was just a very hectic day."

"Shopping? You got worried about shopping?"

Scarlett shook her head, "I know it's silly, but-"

"What are you really worried about, Scarlett?"

"I don't want to talk about it, not now."

Rhett shrugged his shoulders, and started to eat again, "Alright, as you wish."

Scarlett finished her duck quietly, and then she asked, "Are you going to be here for Christmas?"

Rhett chewed his last bit of potatoes and grinned, "Yes, I am."

Scarlett nodded her head, and continued to eat, and he asked, "Is that what you are worried about?"

"Well, I got you a present, and I- just-I mean-"

"Yes, I'll be here for Christmas, so don't return my gift," Rhett chuckled.

Scarlett blushed, "Oh, I wasn't going to do that!"

Rhett looked out the side of his eye, and smiled, "Are you better now?"

Scarlett took a breath, "And what about after that?" her voice was still and dark.

Rhett looked at her, and closed his eyes, "I haven't made any plans, yet. Aren't you going to Tara?"

Scarlett shrugged, "Suellen is just so hateful, and I want to rest. If the weather is cold, I won't get any rest with four children running around the house. I may go later in the spring."

"I see," Rhett nodded.

The dinner dragged on longer than ever, Mammy brought cherry pie and coffee, and Rhett lazily sipped his coffee, as they sat at the table, and the clock ticked off the minutes as the night went on. They sat at the table, as the dishes were cleared away, and Rhett stretched in his chair, and said, "Well, it's getting late."

Scarlett swallowed hard and nodded, "Yes,"

"Are you going to bed early tonight? Or would you rather sit in the library a while?"

Scarlett didn't know what to answer, and she felt he was forcing her to make the decision of the activities for the evening, and she did want to feel his arms around her, again.

"Are you going out this evening, Rhett?"

Rhett's eyes got large, "No, I wasn't." He sat as though he was a dog waiting to be thrown a bone. Scarlett kept her pride as she said, "It would be nice if we sat and talked for a while."

Rhett took her arm, and guided her into the library. They sat in the leather chairs closest to the fireplace, and Rhett started first, "A few days ago, I asked you to tell me about your nightmare-"

"Rhett, let's not-"

"No, I let it go, but I need to know, Scarlett. You said you see her, I want to know how you see her? WHat does she say?"

Scarlett crossed her arms, gathering the wool shawl around her, "I told you, she's wearing her riding habit, just like that day," Scarlett could feel the coldness settling in her spine,"I see her in the mist."

"So, it's the same dream?"

"No, I'm not in the mist of a wasteland, I'm in the mist of Atlanta. I'm running down the street after you, and you are disappearing in the mist, and I run faster, but I can't catch you. I stop and fall to my knees crying, and then I feel a hand on my shoulder, and it's her- Bonnie."

Rhett winced at her name, but leaned forward, "Go on."

"Rhett, please-"

"I want to know, what does she say?"

"Bonnie touches my shoulder and says,'Don't cry, Mother.' I sit up and I try to hug her, but she blends in with the mist, and she is gone. I run through the mists calling her name, and she is saying 'Mother, Mother.' but I can't find her, then she starts crying-"

"You can't see her anymore?"

Scarlett shook her head, "She's lost in the thick mists, and you are gone, and she's crying, 'I want Daddy.'"

Rhett stood up, and walked away.

"Rhett, where are you going?"

" To bed." was all Rhett seemed to be able to say.

Scarlett felt the tears prick her eyes, and she cried for Bonnie, and then for Rhett, that dark blank look in his eyes returned and she feared for him.

Scarlett got control of herself, and she headed up the stairs, and turned to go in the nursery. She laid on the blue coverlet in the dark and breathed in her daughter's scent ever so light on the pillows and whispered her name, "Bonnie, my baby." The tears pricked her eyes as she rested her head on the bed. It seemed like an hour went by, and she heard her name, some one was in the hall calling her name, "Miss Scarlett!"

"I'm in the nursery, Mammy!"

Mammy appeared in the dark doorway with a candle, "You need help getting to bed?"

Scarlett sat up in the bed, "Mammy, I'm not sleeping. I'm just thinking. I'll call Prissy to help me to bed, later."

Mammy nodded and walked out the room, not daring to cross the threshold, it seems Scarlett was the only person in the house, who could venture in the nursery. Scarlett curled up in her shawl and fell asleep, and she dreamt.

The mist was gone, and the night was clear and cold, but the moonless night swallowed up every house, person and tree in Atlanta. Scarlett found herself in front of her house looking up and down the street for Rhett, but he was gone, and she felt the cold chill of loneliness. The rise of anxiety filled her chest, and the fear caused her to call out, "Rhett? Rhett?" But nobody came, and she saw a light dim down the street, and she started to run towards the light that seemed to grow larger as she got closer, and she called out, "Hello?". SHe felt a tug at her skirts, and Scarlett turned, and saw the small girl who clung to her skirts, smile. Her dark curls framed her face and her blue eyes twinkled as she smiled, "Mother."

Scarlett's heart warmed despite the chill she felt, "Bonnie, my darling!"

Scarlett scooped the child in her arms and kissed her cheek, feeling the white silk of her dress next to her skin. The girl wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and snuggled next to her.

The night remind dark and cold, but Bonnie didn't disappear into the dark. Scarlett smiled, and enjoyed holding the child in her arms again, feeling her weight in her arms, she hugged her tighter fiercely, afraid to let her go. The light came closer and closer to Scarlett, and it felt warm, like the sun shining on her face, and Bonnie wriggled in her grasps, as she set her down, Bonnie took her hand, "Mother, I love you!" Scarlett smiled with tears in her eyes, "I love you, too, Bonnie."

Scarlett looked around, and called out, "Rhett, she's here. I got her!"

Bonnie pointed back to the house, "Daddy's not here, he's in the house."

Scarlett looked back at the house, and the lights were lit through the windows, and the warm inviting glow beaconed her inside, and she turned to Bonnie, "Come help me find, Daddy."

Bonnie shook her head and pointed at the growing light coming from the end of the street, "No, I have to go there."

Scarlett grabbed Bonnie and started to cry, "Come home with Mother!"

Bonnie wriggled from her grasps and ran down the street toward the light, and Scarlett started yelling, "Come back, Bonnie!"

It was a heavy hand that laid on her shoulder, and Scarlett sat up with a start, Rhett was standing over her red rimmed eyes. Scarlett reached out to him, "Hold me, Rhett."

He sat on the bed and took her on his lap, and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Rhett, i had her, I held her and she ran away."

"Scarlett, you need to let her go."

"Let her go?" Scarlett felt a chill run through her spine, "What do you mean?"

"Stop wishing she was here, she's not, she's gone."

Scarlett laid her head on Rhett's chest and cried, "And are you going, next?"

All that Rhett said was, "I'm here for now."