After a shower, she steeled herself and went down to the mess hall to get something to eat. Munching on whatever it was the cook made that night, she glanced up and saw Garrus make his way to the kitchen. She felt a jolt of adrenaline in her stomach. She reminded herself to act as normal as possible to not make the situation worse.
She studied her meal, and Miranda sat down next to her.
"Mind if I join you, Commander?"
She shook her head no.
"We have a couple of choices for tomorrow's mission I wanted to go over with you. Is this a bad time?"
"No, not at all, go ahead." She was relived for once, to discuss work on a down time.
She looked at Miranda's datapad and they went over their options.
"I still need to help Kasumi on Bekenstein. That party is day after tomorrow."
Miranda nodded, "I know, I was thinking tomorrow we could try to recruit the assassin. We don't know how long he'll be on Illium. If you go out early, we should have enough time to make it back to get Hock the next day."
Shepard nodded, "Agreed." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Garrus approach. He walked up and sat across from her with his meal at the table. This was their normal routine, they ate together often. Shepard gave him a tentative smile.
"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Garrus asked.
"No, actually, we're planning out tomorrow's mission. We're thinking of recruiting the assassin on Illium, then the next day I've got to go to Bekenstein." Shepard handed him the datapad. "What do you think?"
"Sounds like a good plan. Am I going along?"
"Of course, you come with me on all my missions." She felt her face turn red, and was frustrated about her lack of control over her blushing.
He didn't seem to notice, but continued. "Excellent. I'm going to go to cargo bay and clean up your armor after I eat. It should only take me an hour or two."
Miranda furrowed her brows, "You clean her armor?"
Garrus looked at her pointedly, "Yes, I do favors like that for my best friend. She's busy getting those reports done for your boss."
"And it is much appreciated," Shepard smiled.
Miranda raised her eyebrows, but continued going over the dossier for the assassin with them. Shepard tried to imagine Miranda cleaning armor for anyone in the crew. She stifled a chuckle. The plan in place, Miranda left, and Shepard and Garrus continued to eat. She hesitated, frantically trying to think of something to say. Should she address the issue? Maybe she shouldn't say anything about it.
"Thanks for taking care of my armor. Yours was okay?" she ate a forkful of salad.
"Yea, that state-of-the art new armor you got me wasn't affected. Plus, the dust on Menae is so fine, that it's pretty much the same. Turian armor is built to withstand it. You know, after the mission tomorrow, we can look around Illium for some new armor for you. It's time you upgraded."
She nodded, "Good idea." She felt relieved. He seemed like his usual self. He wasn't upset about her pass at him. She took a drink and peered over at him. Maybe he was flattered. At least he's taking her request to forget it happened to heart.
They continued to eat and drink and Garrus got up and threw out his trash, stopping by Shepard's table. He patted her shoulder, "I'm going to get to work. I'll catch up to you later."
She nodded. As he left, her relief turned to disappointment, as she realized she had a small hope he would have said he really did want to be with her. But, it didn't happen that way. She looked around the mess hall, going over the events in her mind. Finally she went back up to her quarters and worked on her report.
The next day started early, with Tali and Garrus joining her to recruit Thane. As predicted, they had time left over to shop around Illium, and Garrus helped her navigate the vendors and help her order new armor pieces. She felt a little uncomfortable at first, not wanting to grab his arm as she used to. She didn't want him to think she was going to keep trying to get him. He didn't change his demeanor, as he put his arm around her, and held her by the hand a few times, just like he always did.
Back on the Normandy, she went by Thane's quarters to check in and get to know her newest crew member. He was interesting, she'd never worked with a drell before. He was very forthright about his philosophy and his history, and non-apologetic, which she found refreshing. As she sat and listened to him talk and answer her questions, she was struck by how unfair it was that he was dying from an incurable disease, when he was obviously such a deep spirit and thoughtful person.
The next morning she got ready to go to Bekenstein with Kasumi. She was barely dressed when Garrus messaged her on her omni-tool.
"Jane – I need to talk to you, it's important."
"Sure Garrus, I'm on my way." She pursed her lips and let out a short breath. Whenever he used her first name, it always caught her attention. She put on her heels and took the elevator down. She barely registered the admiring looks and comments from the crew in the mess hall as she passed them in the leather dress Kasumi had gotten her. She opened Garrus' door.
"What is it?" she said breathlessly as the door closed behind her.
He swirled around, "I've gotten word about Sidonis, the guy who betrayed my team. He's somewhere on the Citadel. He was seen with a specialist called Fade who helps people disappear."
She folded her arms, "What do you plan on doing when you find him?"
"You people have a saying, 'An eye for an eye, a life for a life,' he owes me ten, and I plan to collect."
She raised her eyebrows, "You sure that's how you want to play it?"
"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help."
She shook her head, "I'm not saying I disagree with you, Garrus. I'm just trying to figure out your plan. If someone took all of you guys out, hell, even just one of you, I'd be out for blood too."
"Good. Thanks, Jane."
"Where do we find Fade?"
"I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse near by the neon markets down in Zakara ward. I made it for late tonight, figured we can still make it after your mission this morning. I know it's short notice-"
She waived him off, "Not a problem. I'll make sure we're back by afternoon."
He looked relieved, "Thanks, I appreciate you making the time."
Then he looked at her, confused.
"What? What is it?"
He pointed, "Is that what you're wearing on the mission?"
She looked down, "It's a cocktail party. You have to dress up to fit in. Does it look alright? I mean, it's not my usual, but I thought it looked pretty good."
"No, yeah, yeah. It looks great, you look great. Beautiful. Your hair looks good down like that too."
"Really?" she brushed a long curly lock over her shoulder. "Well, don't worry. I won't let Hock sweep me off my feet." She turned to go.
"You may be sweeping him off his feet – be careful."
She looked over her shoulder and grinned as she left.
It was an intense mission, complicated by their cover being blown and Hock chasing them through his compound. They were successful in taking Keji's greybox. Safe in Kasumi's possession, Shepard watched on the shuttle as she eagerly starting going through his memories.
She thought wistfully how she longed for a close relationship like that. Seemed like it was always out of reach, her job always getting in the way. I feel like a Justicar – married to my mission, she mused.
Back on the Normandy, she changed quickly, and messaged Garrus. They met in the mess hall and ate, Joker already setting a course for the Citadel.
"We should make it in time. I was worried we'd be late when we had to fight our way out of Hock's place."
"I wish you'd brought me on that mission." Garrus grumbled.
"Allison Gunn doesn't have a Turian side-kick."
"Oh, but Commander Shepard does?"
She pulled the fork out of her mouth, "Yup."
He laughed, "So I've been reduced to your side-kick now, huh?"
"No, I'd say you've been elevated to side-kick."
He guffawed, Shepard grinning in return.
They were soon back to business, and with Zaheed on the mission as requested by Garrus, they made their way to Sidonis. Garrus took him out, clean and simple. Shepard could tell he was nervous about her reaction to his decision to execute him. She reassured him, thinking about how she would personally reach in and take the spine out of any creature that would take him away from her, let alone 10 of her team members.
It was a late, emotional night, and they all turned in when they got back on ship. Shepard messaged Miranda to order shore leave on the Citadel the next day. They had gone at it pretty hard lately, and she didn't want the crew to burn out. Particularly Garrus.
The next morning she was up early, eating in the largely empty mess hall. Thane entered and stopped by her table, making small talk.
"You have any plans for today in particular, Shepard?"
She scrunched up her nose, "Um, I'm pretty caught up in my work. I think I'm just going to walk around and have lunch, nothing in particular. I'm always looking for new mods. I'll probably go by a few vendors and check it out. And you?"
"I have no plans. I would be pleased to accompany you, if you would allow it. I know some out-of-the-way vendors that you might find interesting."
"Oh," she was surprised, "um, sure. That would be great."
He smiled, "What time would you like to leave?"
"I'd be ready in say, 20 minutes?"
"I'll meet you by the docking bay door then." He got up and bowed slightly and left.
"Hm," she said, eating another piece of bread. It would be an intriguing morning with him, she was sure.
At the appointed time, she met him waiting for her and let Joker know she was leaving the ship. They spent the morning walking around the Citadel, conversing on a variety of subjects. Thane told her about his wife, his child. She could tell it was painful for him to talk about, and was surprised he was so personal with her so soon. Maybe that's a drell thing, she wondered. They ate lunch at a nice, informal restaurant, and she was happy to forget for a moment about the weight of the mission on her. He found a few vendors she didn't know about, and was excited to buy a new pistol mod she'd never seen before.
Back on the Normandy that morning, Garrus was puzzled Shepard wasn't in the mess hall eating. He passed through to the elevator and went to talk to Joker.
They finalized their plans for poker that night in Samara's quarters. As he left, he asked him, "By the way, have you seen Shepard?"
"Yeah, she left with Thane early this morning." He turned and adjusted his cap.
"Thane?"
"Yup." He turned back around to his console.
Thane. Garrus tried to process this information.
Out on the Citadel, Shepard checked her omni-tool, "Damn, I didn't know it was that late! I've got to get back."
"I apologize if I have kept you from your work."
"No, that's not it at all. I'm going to the poker game tonight. Samara is letting us use her quarters. You coming?"
"I did hear something about it. I don't know how to play, but I would like to attend."
"Great. It's at 11:00 hours. Kasumi's bringing drinks." Shepard said.
"Kasumi?"
"Yeah, she's got a full bar in her room, but it's too small for all the crew to be in there. She's got lots of stuff she can bring over." She pointed at a cab stand. "We'd better go."
They made their way back, and walked into the Normandy laughing over a joke Thane made. They parted ways after the elevator ride and Shepard made her way up to her quarters. She changed into casual clothes, cargo pants, a loose top. She thought about what Garrus had told her and took her hair out of its bun, letting it flow down her back. She smiled at her reflection. It had been fun being out with Thane, someone different. She was fascinated by his race, his culture. Maybe next shore leave, she'd ask Grunt to go out with her. That would be an interesting day, for sure.
She stayed in her quarters, doing some research for the next mission. Her omni-tool alarmed and she went down to Samara's quarters. Joker and Jacob were getting the cards set up when Kasumi walked in with bottles.
"Help me out, Shep."
She grabbed some of them and put them over on the makeshift bar they'd set up. The door opened and Tali came in.
"I've never played poker, but I thought I'd come anyway."
"Come and get a drink, Tali." Kasumi poured her one and handed it to her. "Oh, wait," she plopped a straw in it and handed it back to her.
A few more crew joined and a game started. "Come on, Commander. We can deal you in." Joker gestured for her to join them.
"In a minute."
"Hey, let us have a chance to win first, Joker. She's a card shark." Donnelly said.
Shepard smiled and took her drink to sit with Tali.
"Heard from Kal Reeger, yet?"
"A few times."
"Oh, really? Is he sending you love poems?"
"Shepard, come on."
"Well, do you think he's interested in you?"
"Yes, definitely. He's trying to make plans to meet me next time we're on shore leave."
"Wow, that's great."
Tali took a sip on her straw, "He couldn't meet me on the Citadel today, he's too far away, but next time we're on Illium, he'll be able to make it."
"It's really working out for you, then. I'm glad."
"He's a great guy. He saved me on Haestrom, for sure. I've never met anyone like him, loyal, nice, funny and smart. I can't believe he's interested in me."
Shepard made a face, "Why wouldn't he be interested in you? Don't sell yourself short, Tali. You've got a lot to offer. You're fantastic. He's lucky to have you."
"It's hard when I'm always off somewhere else, but he understands how important this mission is. I think he'd try to join us if he was completely done with his medical treatment."
Shepard nodded and they turned as cheers went up at the game and Joker threw his cards on the table.
"So," Tali turned her attention back to Shepard, "How's it going with Garrus? Back to normal?"
She sighed, "Yea, pretty much. I guess I can say that at least I'm not wondering about it anymore. I know he's not interested so I can move on. He's still my best friend, so I'm glad I didn't ruin that."
"Could you have really ruined that just by letting him know you were romantically interested in him? I'm confused."
"Yea, definitely. You can make it awkward. Maybe it's a Turian thing, keeping feelings separate from the job, from friendships. That must be it."
Thane came in and scanned the room, walking over to Shepard and sitting next to her on the couch.
"I enjoyed our time out on the Citadel today."
"Me too. Oh – there's drinks up there."
Thane got up and poured himself a drink.
"Hmm, what's that all about?" Tali teased her.
"What, Thane? Nothing, nothing at all. We just went out on shore leave today. He helped me get mods."
"You usually do that with Garrus, don't you?"
"Not always. Look, I don't feel that way about him. I find his species interesting, and he's good company."
"That's a good start. I mean, why not?"
Shepard rolled her eyes and Thane sat down next to her. Tali held up her glass, "A toast,"
They sat forward and held their glasses up, "To what?" Shepard asked.
She looked pointedly at her, "To moving on."