Chapter Two: Old Friends, the Best Friends
Severus watched in concern as Harry grew more and more withdrawn over the next two days and found himself increasingly frustrated with the man's half-hearted responses to his questions or lack of interaction when Hedwig flew down to land on his arm, positively delighted to have her real master back. He had not yet left Birch Hall for any reason and Severus knew that the isolation was not good for the young man. He was letting himself be cut off from the world to avoid having to deal with the numerous issues out there. While Severus was extremely grateful that Harry was no longer in a hurry to run out into the arms of an angry mob, he was certain there had to be a happy medium.
Harry had asked the question Severus knew was coming but had wished to put off for longer. They had been sitting at the dining table with Augurey (who still refused to eat unless he saw Harry eating), Dobby (much to Severus' consternation) and Hedwig when Harry had looked up from his beef stew and stared hard at Severus for a long moment before slowly asking, as though aware that he might not like the answer,
"Sir, you said I passed out after trying to heal Norbert, yes?" Harry looked away as though it might soften the blow he knew was coming. Severus had stiffened and briefly closed his eyes.
"Yes, Harry."
"Norbert...I haven't seen him or Pip around. Did...I mean, did Norbert take Pip somewhere safer?" Did the man have to look quite so hopeful?
"No, Harry," he said as carefully as he could. "I'm afraid that after you were knocked out, Norbert was still unconscious. It was possible he was already dead. Dumbledore attempted to revive him but he was unable. I believe Hagrid buried him."
"Oh, okay." Harry looked pale as he scooped up some more of his stew and chewed as though he had a particularly tough piece of beef in it, something Severus knew Dobby would never allow. The man continued to eat while staring into his bowl and Severus waited patiently, knowing that he was not yet finished. After a long while in which Harry tore up his crusty bread and dropped it piece by piece into his bowl he asked,
"Pip?" his voice was strained and he did not wish to risk saying anything more than that in case it broke.
"Has been relocated to Romania. I believe Charlie Weasley was part of the contingency who ensured his safe delivery. He is in the process of being bonded with a new mother who lost her child. Mr Weasley said he would send you an update when he was sure of Pip's progress. You were asking for his removal during your cationic state in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts."
"Right," Harry muttered. He twisted his hands in front of him. It was better this way; it was good that Norbert's wishes were being carried out.
"No need for you to offer to take him in," Severus added dryly, looking around at the strange contingent around him. At the grunt from Harry, he realised that that was exactly what the man had intended on doing.
Harry had asked all of these questions the night he had arrived back at Birch Hall but had certainly not been intelligible enough to wait for an answer. Severus feared that knowing his dragon-friends were gone was doing nothing to assist Harry in leaving from his stupor. He knew Harry was having nightmares; it appeared he would never escape them even with the Dark Lord's departure, but Harry had placed a silencing charm on his room and for once Severus decided it was not his place to interfere.
However when the man was standing in front of him in full view of the potion master's discerning eye it was a different matter entirely. Harry looked pale and strained and seemed to have a permanent crease in his forehead which did not suit his young age. Looking at him now, Severus was sure he could see a faint line of perspiration on the man's forehead. Crinkling his own brow, Severus hoped that Harry was not getting ill as an after effect of the possession.
"Harry, perhaps you ought to wander outside of Birch Hall," he broached the subject carefully, still uncertain of how volatile Harry's temper could be. He had suggested Harry leave the manor the day before and the man had almost crumpled before him before leaving the room and spending the rest of the day in his bedroom. "It is a bright day outside, I am certain it would do you good to get some fresh air."
"No," Harry said bluntly, but did not storm from the room which Severus took as a good sign. Though it was offset by Harry staring at the coffee table without blinking.
"The forest creatures would certainly appreciate you visiting," it was very hard to keep a condescending sneer out of his voice as he said it but Severus struggled valiantly and managed it fairly well.
"I can't speak to them, I doubt they'd find my company very stimulating," Harry replied dully.
"Self-pity helps no one," Severus snapped, frustrated. The infuriating man simply raised one shoulder and then let it drop. "Half an hour outside will not diminish the wonderfully pallid look you have grown for yourself in the past months."
"A bit rich coming from you," was the retort, though it was immediately followed by an apologetic, "sir." Severus would have felt better if that had been left off.
"A quick walk to check your boundary wards, they may have been affected by the rejection of Voldemort from your body." Harry gave a violent start at the name and glared at Severus, his patience worn.
"You were blackmailing me into staying here not three days ago. What gives?"
"I simply think it would be prudent of you to integrate yourself into outside world once more. Even if that world happens to lye no more than a few feet from your door," Severus explained, irritated. "Or would you permit either Miss Granger or Mr Weasley to come here? You mentioned them 'not three days ago.' If it was possible that they could come to Birch Hall without being cursed or screamed at, I'm certain they would be delighted by the prospect." Seeming to retract into himself at the mention of cursing, Harry just gave an infuriating one-shouldered shrug again and continued to analyse the wood properties of the common coffee table.
"Very well, I will extend the invitation on your behalf," Severus said brusquely. When Harry did not move, he let out his breath through his teeth and strode to the door with the intention of using the fire in his room to speak with the pair. He thought it best that they not see Harry's current semi-cationic state or he be given the opportunity to lash out at them during the invitation. He had opened one door and was halfway through when Harry's quiet voice rose to meet him, asking cautiously,
"Maybe just Hermione then?" Severus nodded sharply but did not give the boy a chance to add any more conditions. It was natural for him to be concerned about his reception by Ron. The boy possessed little subtlety and his already notably short fuse had had several inches cut off it since the death of his younger sister.
Harry sighed and sat back in his chair, staring around the room in a hopeless attempt to find something to entertain himself. His hand reached towards a book but he flinched as he read the title and quickly dropped it again. Getting to his feet he started to pace. Harry found himself deeply restless but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that stepping out into the public world would be a good idea he was always left with the deep, guilty feeling that it was not fair to anyone who had seen him, he tried to avoid the word murdering, as the Dark Phoenix. He had managed to keep his mind off the faces of his victims for two long minutes but now slumped back into his chair and buried his face into his hands.
How could he possibly face Hermione?
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"It isn't fair to ask her to come here. I think we should cancel the invitation," Harry fretted to Severus over dinner, picking unhappily at his food while Dobby watched self-recriminating.
"Are you asking for my permission?" Severus demanded snidely.
"You issued the invitation. Don't you think it's a little strange she wasn't available to come to the fire to answer your call herself? I don't think it's fair to make her come. She obviously doesn't want to. I tried to kill her family." A fork slammed down on the table and Harry jumped, staring at Severus with a touch of fear on his face. Forcing himself to calm a little, Severus said with forced patience,
"We have been over this and over this, Harry. It was Voldemort who attacked Granger's family. It was Voldemort who attacked everyone. All you did was save who you could. I am not having this argument again."
"Maybe I could have saved more people. Why only children?" Harry asked softly. A small, vicious dog was eating away at his insides and occasionally dug its sharp claws into his intestine so he was attacked by a sharp pain which left him unable to breath for a long moment.
"You should have this conversation with Albus," Severus said. "He enjoys reiterating your greatest weapon being love, how your emotions make you who you are and all that other rot. I am sure there are logical reasons that children sparked the emotion which permitted you to fight back against Voldemort. In fact I am certain Granger will have an explanation which might assuage some of your concerns."
"She shouldn't have to come," Harry repeated quietly.
"Granger was one of the brightest witches I ever had in my class," Severus said, forcing each word from his mouth. "If she wishes to decline the invitation and feels the need to make up an excuse, I am certain she will have a significantly plausible one prepared." An owl screeched outside and suddenly swooped through the window to drop a thick piece of parchment in an envelope before Harry with his name scrawled in Hermione's writing across the front. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment.
"Besides," Severus said, getting to his feet. "Miss Granger rushed to your side in the hospital wing and stayed with you until you awoke. I believe my invitation will have been well received." He left the room to permit Harry to open the response in private. Dobby quickly cleared the table and departed as well. Harry was left with Hedwig hooting quietly and grumpily at the owl drinking out of her water bowl.
A finger slipped the envelope open and he unfolded the thick parchment, hesitating in fear of what it might say. A sigh fell from his lips and he rested the parchment on the table, closing his eyes unhappily. He hated it when Severus was right.
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"Would you like to go back to the dress robes?" Severus asked dryly, raising an eyebrow at Harry as he adjusted his robes and glanced at his muggle clothing on the bed in consideration. "I do not think what you are wearing will effect Miss Granger's opinion of you. However I believe it might make a difference if you are comfortable." Harry launched himself at his jeans and t-shirt and ducked into the other room to change.
"I could still send Hedwig to tell her not to come," he called back, but it was more of a question than a statement. Severus flicked a page in his newspaper and did not bother replying. It was the eleventh suggestion of backing out since Hermione's positive reply to their invitation. Severus kept his eye on the Prophet, searching it as usual for any mention of Harry. There were usually several, keeping cautiously and quietly critical as though not entirely certain that Voldemort might not emerge and attack once more.
Harry re-entered the room in his muggle clothes and shoved his hands into his pockets uncomfortably.
"Repeat that sentiment once more and I will be inclined to ensure that there will be no one here for Miss Granger to meet," Severus warned acerbically as Harry opened his mouth. Harry's chest leapt violently and he suddenly had an urge to whip his wand out and curse the other man for his impertinence. The feeling was suppressed immediately and he was left shivering and feeling unwell.
"Don't talk to me like that," he mumbled, glaring at the wall. Part of him hated his wish to attack Severus every time he acted like Snape the snarky potions professor, and part of him thought it was justified. He might not have Voldemort in him anymore, he might not be powerful and frightening, but he was not just another seventeen year old student to be talked down to and treated like he was inferior.
"I do-," Harry jumped and whirled to face the door. Severus dropped the Prophet and had his wand drawn before he had even seen that the cause of Harry's statement was Augurey. The Demiguise was giving his friend a sad look but then turned his head away and faced Severus, motioning that there was someone at the downstairs door.
"The young woman with dark brown hair who has been here previously?" Severus verified. At Augurey's nod Severus glanced at Harry who said stiffly,
"I'll let her in." His pace was quick as he moved from the room and he appeared to try not to touch Augurey as he eased sideways through the doorframe. The Demiguise made a great effort to conceal his further distress until Harry could easily be heard opening the front door.
"I believe it is time for me to leave," Severus said, getting to his feet and moving towards the fire.
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"Harry!" Hermione made a movement so reminiscent of their schooldays that for a split second Harry forgot their circumstances. She seemed genuinely happy to see him, even though she held back on the hug as soon as she realised she was moving towards him and recovered by leaning down to brush some dirt from her robe. With a pang he did not want to consider too long, Harry shut the door.
"It was nice of you to come," he said quietly.
"I was glad to get the invitation," Hermione ventured genuinely. "I was sorry I couldn't give Professor Snape my answer right away but I was having a shower and R...I wasn't told about the message until a little later." It gave Harry a strange sense of pride in his red-headed friend to know he was still being wary about the situation. They stood for a moment in the hallway and Harry could tell Hermione was battling with adding something, perhaps reassuring him that Ron would have come if he could. What he was not expecting was for her to slowly step for and open her arms in a half-embarrassed move. The same part of him which had instinctively wished to attack Severus for impudence wanted to scoff at the idea of a hug but the larger part of him, the Harry part, welcomed it. Very slowly he stepped forward and allowed Hermione's arms to wrap around him and squeeze gently.
Harry's entire body tingled with the wish to pull away but he held on for a few more seconds before releasing her and stepped back. Hermione was giving him a gentle, far too-understanding smile.
"Would you like some tea?" Harry asked, his voice waving just a touch. Hermione's nod held a little more keenness than the offer warranted and he realised that he was not the only nervous person in the room. He had taken four steps towards the study before he was overwhelmed with the memories of the last time Hermione had been in that room with him and quickly veered towards the dining room. "Dobby?" he asked quietly. Hermione did not comment on the appearance of the house elf or of Harry's need to call him out loud.
"Yes Master Harry?" Dobby asked, giving him an awkward half-bow, attempting to restrain himself.
"Can we get some tea thanks?" Dobby was gone in an instant as Harry and Hermione settled in seats opposite one another on the long table. It really was ridiculously long for his purposes, Harry considered a little wildly as he stared around the room for a safe topic to touch on. Before he could think of anything, Dobby had returned and served them their tea with a large selection of biscuits and sandwich triangles on a plate.
"Thank you, Dobby," Hermione and Harry said simultaneously. The house-elf left the room almost in tears of gratitude as Harry snatched up a sandwich to chew on. He realised that Dobby had noticed that he had not eaten anything that day and spared a thought to hope that the house-elf had still eaten. Having eaten his fill of sandwiches, Harry wrapped his hands around his scalding cup of tea and stared at the table.
"Dobby seems very happy here," Hermione said finally. Harry gave a one-shouldered shrug. He could not explain to her that Dobby had been less happy while he had worked for a Dark wizard. That he had been starved for weeks when Harry had refused to eat. "We have a new Defence teacher this year. He's set some of the hardest books the seventh years have ever seen. Professor Louis. Apparently he spent three years in the Himalayas fighting the dark creatures in the mountains and was one of the only people to ever see a Juscure."
"A Jus...?" Harry stared at Hermione blankly and he could see reflected in her face that she was seeing him as her friend again. Good old, ignorant Harry.
"A Juscure. A sort of white shadow creature. It lives where it can blend in with the snow. Muggles have occasionally glimpsed it and thought it was a Yeti."
"Oh." They fell into silence again for a long moment and Harry clutched his mug so hard that the heat from the tea scalded him.
"Dad's okay now, you know," Hermione blurted out suddenly. Harry jumped as though she had sworn and his eyes swivelled to meet hers. She looked back at him steadfastly. "Dad. He's fine. He spent some time in St Mungo's and they fixed him right up. He and mum know it wasn't you, you know. I told them you probably even helped to stop Voldemort from doing worse." Harry was filled with a deep, choking shame and he lost eye contact again.
"I didn't," he muttered.
"Professor Dumbledore said you were stopping Voldemort from killing the children," Hermione ploughed on.
"No, I didn't," Harry interrupted forcefully. "I mean, yeah, with the kids. But I didn't. Not with your dad. I didn't fight him hard enough then."
"Oh." They fell into silence again and Harry glanced at his hands. The knuckles were white with the exertion of pressure upon the cup as the tea began to grow cold. He sipped at it for something to do. "It still wasn't you, you know that right, Harry?" Hermione sounded as though she was trying to reassure herself as much as him, but the sentiment was nice all the same.
"I guess. So Severus tells me." Hermione inhaled too much tea and coughing filled the air as she tried to breathe again.
"Well...well Professor Snape is right," she concluded finally. Harry made a hmm noise and continued to stare at his tea, swirling it back and forth. He wanted to explain to Hermione about the feelings which kept threatening to swallow him. The shame, the guilt and worst of all the feeling that his mind had been tainted, that it had been violated. He felt dirty and nothing he could say, or that they could say, seemed to be able to rid him of that feeling. "Harry?" The tone in Hermione's voice made him look up and he started violently as he saw Augurey enter the room. The Demiguise avoided coming too near but placed a vial of a foul potion Severus had insisted he drink to assist his recovery on the table. Augurey left hurriedly and Harry frowned as he quickly drank down the potion. "Did something happen with Augurey?" Hermione asked carefully. "You were rather startled to see him," she added as Harry looked at her sharply.
"I can't...hear him anymore," Harry explained finally. A hand flourished around his head in explanation. "Since Voldemort left. I can't...I don't have the same powers."
"You mean Voldemort's powers used you as a conduit and increased both his and your powers combined?" Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"Er...yeah, I guess."
"Oh. So you aren't...as powerful now?"
"No. I s'pose not," Harry shrugged. "I don't think it's a bad thing," he hurried on. "I mean once people see all the power is gone, they won't be afraid anymore, right?" He did not suggest that it would be difficult for anyone to tell that his powers were gone as he refused to leave the manor and was grateful when Hermione did not immediately jump onto that argument as Severus would have in her place.
"Well, maybe. Although I think it would be nice to think that you still had that power to protect yourself when you do go out into public again." Seeing Harry's face she hurried on, "Not that I think you will need to defend yourself. I mean there will still be a few people out there who are angry, you know. It's not like you haven't spent your whole life with at least one person after you. It's just like that. Remaining Death Eaters you know. And maybe...some others." The hole she was digging for herself was getting deeper and, apparently aware of this, Hermione cut herself off there.
"Sure. It just wouldn't be as fun if there wasn't at least one person out for my blood," Harry agreed without a hint of bitterness. Staring at his hands he added, "It's not like I don't deserve it. One way or another. I'm sure I could have fought him harder. Once I realised. I mean I have to have realised, don't I? It's not possible to not realise you're being possessed." He snorted derisively.
"Ginny didn't," Hermione put in immediately. Both of them flinched at her words and fell silent, remember the youngest Weasley.
"Ginny also wasn't showing all the signs of becoming the Dark Lord though," Harry replied. "And if everyone out there could see it, why couldn't I?"
"No one knew you were being controlled by Voldemort!" Hermione protested.
"No. Maybe they can tell that he was really just waking up part of me that is there. Maybe...maybe it was always going to happen, Voldemort or no Voldemort." Even though his voice was steady, it was apparent that Harry was voicing a very really fear. Hermione bit her bottom lip and reached across the table to gently touch his hand. When he did not pull away she let her fingers rest there.
"Harry, have you ever heard of victim blaming?" Harry shook his head stiltedly. "It's when people put the blame on the victim for something that was done to them. It's a way of justifying the crime. It happens a lot with things where the victim is a minority. Well...that's sort of what's happening here. What happened wasn't your fault. I mean it's really unique because it was all being done through your body but it was still something being done to you, through you, without your permission."
"Maybe it was with my permission though. I didn't fight hard enough."
"You fought, though. Harry you fought off Lord Voldemort when he was possessing you. One of the post powerful wizards of all time and you could still fight him. Even after your mother's protection had been taken from you. Even after you had lost faith in almost everything."
"Which made it possible for him to possess me in the first place," Harry pointed out bluntly. "In fifth year, he couldn't stay in my body for long. It was agony to him. But because I turned into some psychotic loony he could take over my body no problems."
"He tricked you Harry. He tricked you like he's tricked even Dumbledore," Hermione stressed. Harry didn't have an answer for that.
"Okay. Well...look...I just need some time, okay?"
"Of course."
"If...when I do...go out? What do you think...what's the attitude?" he asked, strained, clutching his cup so hard that Hermione was worried he might break it. She hoped against hope that he was not thinking of doing something stupid because of his guilt.
"I don't know, Harry. It's all pretty mixed. Half the people still don't understand that Voldemort is gone."
"Don't believe that he was ever in control of me, you mean," Harry corrected quietly.
"Maybe. But they're being corrected. The true story is getting around. People are starting to take a fancy to the idea of you fighting Voldemort off for a year by yourself. Professor Dumbledore's influence of course. The Minister is quite happy to leave you seeming like..."
"An insane prat?" Harry suggested. Hermione laughed.
"Well yes. Maybe he's worried you'll take his position if people get to like you too much. Maybe he just wants a scapegoat for everything that happened. It's a slow process. Fear makes people stupid." A jerky nod was all Hermione received in acknowledgement and she searched for a topic to distract him. "How is it having Professor Snape around all the time?" she asked finally, not voicing the portion of the question indicating that she wanted to know how it was now Voldemort was not in his head.
"He's being his usual condescending self again," Harry shrugged, his face betraying how bothered he was by that.
"How else would he be?" Hermione asked, without really needing to. She had seen Professor Snape hold Harry's hand, touching his neck and reassuring him every time Voldemort had fought for control of Harry's body.
"I don't know. He treated me differently with Voldemort in me. You know, equally. Or...well sometimes like I was his superior. That was...uncomfortable," Harry laughed for a split second before it died out but Hermione's heart leapt at the sound all the same.
"I think a lot of people are angrier with Professor Snape than with you," Hermione said, hoping to reassure Harry of his own safety. It backfired as the other Gryffindor stiffened and sat up straighter.
"What? Why?" Anger and fear tinged Harry's voice.
"Well...he's a known Death Eater. He'd just been cleared of being a spy to Voldemort and was back on the good side of people when he suddenly seemed to turn into the lackey of the new Dark Lord," Hermione explained uncomfortably. "A lot of the remaining Death Eaters are out for his blood for his betrayal to Voldemort and a lot of the public are angry for him being a traitor to Professor Dumbledore." For the first time in months Hermione saw Harry's face blazing with life and concern and it was so much more like the Harry she knew that she felt as though her heart was beating in her mouth at the chance that they might actually get him back.
"Don't worry. Professor Dumbledore won't let anything happen to him," she reassured Harry. His face had become very serious as he looked at her.
"Neither will I."
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Hermione threw a handful of floo powder into her fire and called,
"Professor Snape's office, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, persevero quod tolero." The flames shot up and coloured and Hermione thrust her head into them, thinking that she would never quite get used to the strange feeling of disembodiment that it gave her to speak this way.
"Miss Granger," Professor Snape looked up from his desk and raised an eyebrow. "This is later than I had expected."
"Yes, sir. It's later than I expected too. Harry didn't seem to mind me staying after all."
"You appear to have all of your facial features intact; I presume the rest of your body parts are still attached too?"
"Yes, sir," Hermione blushed a touch. She would never have admitted that part of her had still feared being attacked by Harry as she had approached Birch Hall that day.
"So Harry enjoyed your visit. Did he behave oddly at all?"
"Not like he had Voldemort in him, sir. He did seem rather downhearted," Hermione mentioned.
"As one might expect given the circumstances. Did he express a wish to return to school?" She shook her head regretfully.
"No, sir. He seemed a bit distressed that people are still angry."
"It would have been better not to bring that up, Miss Granger," Severus said sharply.
"It couldn't be avoided, he asked," Hermione bit back. "I don't know about you but personally I don't think he would take too kindly to us withholding information from him again. It didn't work out too well the first time, did it? Sir," she added, looking mortified at her cheek.
"Hmm. Perhaps not. Anything else?"
"Just that he doesn't like that you seem to be condescending towards him again, sir," Hermione replied. She had almost decided not to bring it up, but it was apparent that it was truly bothering her friend.
"He has taken to calling me 'sir' again. If he wishes to address me like a student, I presume he wishes to be addressed as one," Severus retorted.
"Are you sure that your attitude and his politeness are mutually exclusive?" Hermione asked. Feeling shocked by her boldness she hurriedly concluded, "Good night, sir," and disappeared from the fire. Severus place his quill down by his parchment and rested a hand on his face for a moment, musing.
A/N:
Alright I have discovered the hates my scene breaks and has not been putting them in. That has probably been confusing you. I have tried three kinds and hopefully this lot will actually work!
Note: It did not work. Fifth time is the charm. Sorry for the awful way of showing my scene breaks.
Thank you for your kind reviews and Happy Easter! Now I will ask for your help. When I started the Dark Series I was young and impetuous and didn't care for plans. Silly me. Now I've planned out the first six chapters of Dark Before the Dawn but I'd like to make sure I wrap up any loose ends, so anything you still want the answers for, anything you think should be addressed or you'd like to see addressed, please let me know in a review! They keep me going and it's lovely to check my inbox and find them there.